Hey, guys! I finally got around to churning out all those re-writes! Chapters 1-4 have been re-written and replaced, so please check them out again! I'm sorry for it taking so long. My writing has changed drastically since I first started this in 2009, and I appreciate any comments you guys have regarding style, story, updates, whatever! I'd love to hear from you! I have absolutely no plan for this story, so I'm just going to see where the writing takes me. I hope it turns out decent enough for you. I'm currently mainly working on "The Way You Say I Love You" for Yuri! On Ice (Happy Birthday Viktor!), but I will try to periodically update this in addition. Thank you to everyone who's been following along! I love you all! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

Fandom: Kyo Kara Maoh

Pairing: Conyuu

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Warnings: Angst, PTSD

Mental

Ch 5: Relax

After two more days, a carriage finally arrived. Conrad quickly ushered the young king into it and the driver took off. Yuuri felt anxious riding inside, still thinking his accident was from a carriage crash. Conrad assured him for the fourth time they were safe. He had started to return to his normal smiles, which comforted the boy more than any words ever would. Why had he stopped smiling again?

A large bump in the road interrupted his thoughts. He panicked and looked at his knight, who told him to relax. It was a forest road after all. Things would get bumpy. Yuuri calmed down for a bit, before another large ditch or root or something sent the carriage shaking and the young king flying forwards. He ended up kneeling between the two seats, his head pressed against Conrad's stomach as his hands rested on the bench.

"Are you okay, Heika?" Conrad gently placed a hand on his head and another on his shoulder. This time, Yuuri didn't feel that sense of dread or sludge of guilt and disgust. It was those same comforting hands. He relaxed a bit, trying to remember the last time he was so peaceful. He wrapped his arms around Conrad's waist and nuzzled into him.

"I'm fine, Conrad. Can I just stay here? It's relaxing," he mumbled, already dozing off. His knight didn't know whether to be happy or surprised. Just a few days ago this same boy was crying as he slapped his hand away at the faintest of touches. He smiled and gently stroked that soft, onyx hair. He was happy his Yuuri was finally returning to his old self again.

"Of course, I don't mind, Heika." Yuuri nuzzled closer into his stomach and mumbled his reply.

"Call me Yuuri. You're the one who named me after all," Conrad chuckled and continued to pet him.

"Of course, Yuuri." After a few more bumps along the way, the road eventually evened out and yet, Yuuri still stayed nuzzled against Conrad. He had fallen asleep and the older man could only chuckle at how cute this kid was. It's been awhile since he realized his admiration was more than just a soldier's generic patriotism. He was in love with his king. He was so in love with him, but he's just a soldier. And his king is betrothed to his little brother. He wasn't worthy of Yuuri.

He couldn't even protect Yuuri.

He failed at his most important job in the world.

He continued to stroke his soft hair watching his face scrunch up in his sleep. He squeezed Conrad's waist in his sleep and mumbled senseless babble. Conrad stroked his hair and his face relaxed just ever so slightly. He hated seeing his love have nightmares like this, but it also gave him a sense of pride that his touch made him relax like this. Even if he couldn't have him, even if he couldn't save him, he can at least give him this small comfort. Just how far could he push his luck? He leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"I love you, Yuuri."

Silence.

He breathed a sigh of relief. He could feel his heart pitter-pattering like crazy. What was he thinking? If Yuuri had woken up, his career would be over, most likely his life, too. Yuuri wouldn't give the sentence, but the court sure would. He looked out the window at the passing trees trying to calm himself down. He was throwing away all his reason over this boy. He loved him dearly, didn't he?

The rest of the trip was quiet. Yuuri woke up just before reaching the main castle and sat up with a blush on his face. Conrad only smiled at him. The carriage pulled up and he opened the door. He held a hand out to help the young king down. Most of the effects of the concussion had faded and his reflexes were quite good again, but it was still safest to get him check out by a medic, regardless.

"Heeeeeeiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaa!" A flash of long, silver hair appeared before the knight's eyes before he could stop him. Günter had just barely wrapped his arms around his beloved king before the boy pushed him away with a shrieking cry. Shocked, Günter stood there, along with the rest of the castle nobility, watching as Yuuri fell to the ground sobbing. His slender body was shaking as the tears flowed down his face. Conrad kneeled down next to him calling for a healer, to take him to his chambers, to not touch him. Quickly, calm him down. Yuuri desperately clung one hand in his hair and the other on Conrad's sleeve as he spat directions. His hand was so small and so shaky. The medics came with a stretcher to take Yuuri away, but he was desperately clinging onto Conrad's sleeve. He pulled the fabric out of his grasp as one of the healers relaxed his mind. Once he was out of sight, Conrad turned around to face heavy looks of shock in his direction. The fiercest one being from his blond, little brother, and the fiance of the king.

"What in bloody hell's name did you do to him."