Chapter 11: Indoctrinated Part-III

Emily Jane Shepard's POV

Emily Jane Shepard's mindscape

Time unknown

We trawled through my memories, breaking their hold on me, making me realise that my worst memories were products of my own cowardice.

"Don't do that to yourself" Gideon said as we moved to where I failed to save Miranda and Oriana from their twisted father, and using my diplomatic skills (for what they were worth) convincing him to release her. Miri just threw him out of a window when her sister was safe.

"Do what?" I ask, knowing what he was talking about. He just gave me his are you kidding me look, which had me giggling. He looked cute like that.

"Meh, better than what I generally hear" he replies. I just cock my head to a side and give him the puppy eyes, the picture of innocence. He just sighs and rolls his eyes at me then does something completely out of character.

He kisses me.

Granted, it's only a kiss to the forehead, but my heart starts doing a silly little tap dance at that. His smirk causes it to speed up and the widening of the said smirk is probably going to give me a heart attack. I frown at him.

"Not a word" I growl at him. He just nudges me with his shoulder.

'And piss off the woman who destroyed an entire race of genocidal bio-synthetic Cthulu monsters? Not on my life" he says with a grin and a wink. Smart ass.

"I definitely am one" he says, his smirk doing funny things to my insides.

And I suddenly realise what my next memory would be.

The Cerberus Coup. Thane.

These are my memories, just redone to help me cope I think sourly to myself, knowing that I shouldn't feel like this, feel this guilt, this self-loathing. I can't help feel like I am betraying Thane in some fundamental way.

"That's where you are wrong" came Gideon's voice to my left. He was looking at me with a mixture of affection and understanding. I couldn't help feel warm all over when he looked at me like that. But I had to ask him.

"About what?" I ask him. He crosses his arms and cocks one hip at me, a mirror image of my pose.

"This isn't just delving into memories. I am actually using your consciousness, focussed by the force I have in me, creating an astral projection in the minds of those who are still alive and also giving you a chance at meeting those who have passed on, in a manner that will make sense to you. It's bloody exhausting, so don't be surprised if I'm out of it for a few days after this" he says. I just let my feeling of disbelief wash over him. He just gives a sigh.

"Alright, fine. You really want to see what it looks like. Come with me" he gestures to follow him through a black portal. Hesitantly, I step through the portal.

When my vision is restored, I am blinded by searing light. Once my eyes adjust, I see a white beach, with Gideon and I standing in the ocean. The water only came up to our waists, a clear blue, impossible to find even in a garden world.

"You'd better hurry. I can't hold this for long. He's waiting" Gideon says. I know who he immediately means and I sprint through the water, kicking up an almighty spray.

As I rush to the beach, I see a huge crowd of people. Krogans, turians, asari, hanar, drell, humans, salarians, volus, elcor, rachni, quarian, even some vorcha and rachni were visible. Co-existing in a peace in death which was unthinkable in life.

If this was heaven, I wanted a slice of it.

I then notice a certain green drell break away from the crowd and run out to meet me. He was dressed in a white toga of all things, but he looked vibrant, healthy and full of life.

"Thane" I cry out in joy, sorrow and relief as I embrace him. I just want to hold him tight and never let him go as tears spill from my eyes down my cheeks. I pull him into a hungry, demanding kiss. I don't care who sees me.

"Siha. It is good to see you. But, it is not your time. I am sorry" he says as we break our kiss. I stare at him, confusion warring with fear.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, not wanting to leave him again. He smiles at me gently, a mixture of pride and sorrow in his eyes.

"Your friend cannot keep this up for long siha. He will be your best ally in the coming storm. You are needed again, by an entire galaxy. As Emily as well as Commander Shepard" he says, his arms rubbing my back in a comforting way.

I feel an unbelievable amount of rage flood my system. Haven't I done enough? Given enough? Sacrificed enough? Why do I need to put myself through all of that again?

"I know" Thane says to me smiling slightly at my disgruntled, disgusted expression. I then ask him the most pressing question as I steel myself to return back to a galaxy that needed me to save it. Again.

"Will I see you again?" I ask him. He nods in reply, dispelling the knot of fear in my heart.

"And Emily?" he rasps in that voice of his, looking at me sternly "Don't close your heart to those around you" saying that, he kisses me, strong and deep. When we break the kiss, I give him what had to be a very watery smile.

"Goodbye Thane" I say as I get ripped away from him, back into the land of the living.

Emily Jane Shepard's POV

Owen and Shmi-Skywalker Larss' home, Tatooine

10:7:12 (25 BBY)

I slowly open my eyes, thinking I would see the bright white of the medbay of the Normandy, or even the grey-white of a hospital, but I noticed, as my eye adjusted, that the place seemed to be a muted grey. I notice a weight on my stomach. I ease myself up to see a passed out, drooling, blond haired idiot, who had literally haunted my dreams. I felt a strange frisson pass the air over me...

Wait frisson? How did I even know.."That would be me"

Gideon yawns and looks at me through sleep blurred blue eyes. He squints a little bit, his eyes adjusting to the light. He then looks at me, a sad look on his face.

"I'm sorry" he says, his voice mournful. I frown at him. My curiosity runs alongside a feeling of strong guilt.

"Why? You saved me" I say smiling at him. Parallel to my gratitude, a small burst of happiness comes to life, but it is quickly snuffed out by the feeling of guilt. He looks at me, his eyes unbelievably sad.

"I created a Force Bond between us" he replies.

Dun, dun, dun!

I'm currently working on another story (re:Paladin) and I hit writer's block, so thought I should work on this story.

R&R!