A/N: Happy holiday! First, I want to thank Teacup17 for being my beta! She is wonderful in editing and ask all the right questions about the story! So thank you so much!
Another reincarnation story
19.
If there was one thing Itachi regretted most about his actions, it was that he couldn't see his baby brother as often as he did before. Ever since that disastrous day, Itachi had decided no to return home. He only managed to see Sasuke when he had time to pick him up from the academy just to say goodbye at the entrance to the Uchiha District.
Itachi though long and hard about the words he could use to explain this complex situation to Sasuke and found himself utterly surprised when the smaller boy understood. Sasuke only smiled up at him and asked if that meant he could sleep at Itachi's place whenever he needed to escape home as well. Itachi of course promised that when that need arose, Sasuke would be welcome any time. Right now, He doubted that the boy would appreciate the couch in the Ko-han ANBU lounge. As much as he wanted to be completely honest with Sasuke, he could not admit to the child that somehow, his genius brother maneuvered himself into homelessness.
The first night after the fight was the worst. Beaten, both physically and emotionally Itachi sought refuge at the ANBU headquarters. He managed to sleep for an hour and grab some food from the mess before returning to his post guarding the Kiri-house. To avoid rumors and spare himself the heartache, Itachi assigned the duty of watching Kisame's closed window to another as he suffered his least favorite time of day with his eyes fixed on Ao. Came morning, Itachi thought he would rather be a maiko again, at least it was warm then.
The shower at ANBU HQ did nothing to cheer him up. No matter how much hot water he stole, it could not wash away the need for a proper bed or bath. By the time his teammates noticed that their Captain did not return home after duty, Itachi was running on five days of sleep deprivations. The fatigue had set into his bones. His senses were heightened and dulled at the same time. He had difficulty focusing if he didn't set his mind to it. And by the sixth day, he noticed his hands shook when performing even the simplest of tasks.
It was with that fear of compromising his whole team and mission, the need to perform always to his best and in utter defeat that Itachi stood before his former captain, face burning and fingers fidgeting.
"Come again?" Kakashi asked. "You want what?"
"Taicho please, you heard me correctly the first time." Itachi muttered under his breath.
"I did," the masked captain nodded, then shook his head. "I just can't believe it yet. It sounded like you're asking for help."
Itachi sighed in frustration. Were he in better condition he would have just walked away. But he wasn't. He was exhausted, desperate and strained with a kind of fatigue that couldn't be cleansed in a locker room. So Itachi only said, "I'm sorry, Kakashi. But I don't know where else to go." The words were simple, almost like those of a lost child. But the gravity behind it was dire, more so because it was Itachi who said them.
"Of course," Kakashi nodded, more sincere this time. No doubt he understood the impact of this moment. His hand disappeared inside his locker and came back with a small metal object in it. "Here, my spare key. Make yourself at home."
Itachi was experienced enough to know that the more important part was yet to come. He lifted a feeble brow at Kakashi, asking the question that was too private to voice. The other captain smiled under his mask and performed a series of complicated hand-signs with impressive speed. So this was the knowledge of the fourth Hokage; a shame Kakashi only used it to protect his apartment these days.
"Your kindness will not be forgotten," he promised and turned to leave.
"Mah," Kakashi waved at him. "Just don't make a mess."
So it appeared that Itachi would stay with Kakashi for the time being. Living with the Copy-nin wasn't difficult, though he couldn't understand why Kakashi was mad at him for cleaning the apartment, doing his laundry or cooking a healthy meal to put in the fridge before finally enjoying four hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also didn't understand why Kakashi was somehow even more frustrated because Itachi preferred to put the spare futon on the ground, instead of sleeping in his bed.
When the first night came, he understood perfectly. "For the last time, Taicho!" Itachi shouted from his resting place on the floor. "This is not some poorly conceived attempt to get into your bed!"
"Are you sure?" Kakashi padded the space next to him. "It wouldn't mind."
"That much was obvious!" Itachi turned over, hiding his blushing face under the cover. "Just so you know, should I ever attempt at courtship with you, you would notice."
"Oho, someone is getting bold!" Kakashi laughed. He clearly wasn't in any mood for sleep and thus decided Itachi wasn't either. "What have you been up to?"
"Nothing?" He glanced back into darkness towards Kakashi's shadowy shape. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm curious as to why you aren't crashing at Shisui's." he put both his hands under his head, gazing up at the ceiling. "You've been camping at HQ for days now, why not ask your cousin? Did something happy between you two?"
"I wouldn't say so, just..." Itachi sighed. "It's nothing."
"Wouldn't hurt to be honest for a change, you know?"
Itachi was silent for a while, but eventually gave up. He knew Kakashi wasn't sleeping and wouldn't until Itachi cleared the air. "I needed some distance from the compound. It's a very unwelcoming place, as you know."
"Does it have something to do with that ugly bruise on your face?" he asked.
"Ah, you could say so."
"Mhm," Kakashi nodded in his bed. "There will be talk, you realize? I don't give my spare key to just anyone."
"I'm aware."
"Maaa," Kakashi grunted dramatically. "My reputation will surely suffer from this! Now my stainless resume will forever be tarnished! What should I do?"
"Please don't make me laugh, Taicho. My face still hurts." Itachi pressed his lips together to smother any sound. He had to admit, there was a humor in this situation that was both sad and macabre. For a moment, they each held their breath, then burst into a mixture of giggles of laughter. Itachi laughed until tears were in his eyes. He held his belly and couldn't make himself stop. He had not laughed like this in years.
How twisted was his fate. Here, in a one-room apartment at the Shinobi complex, Itachi huddled on a spare futon kept by the anti-social friend-killer and revealed that indeed he, the child-genius and master of illusion was hiding from his abusive father because they disagreed on the choice of Itachi's lifestyle.
It was some time later when Itachi murmured with a small voice. "Thank you, Kakashi."
"I won't let my friend down."
As pleasant as it was to have a place to stay and replenish his energy, Itachi was not prepared for the knowing glances and whispers behind hands. Apparently, in one day, every single shinobi in ANBU learned that the Uchiha heir moved in with the infamous Copy-nin. To his mortification, everyone interpreted his intention the way Kakashi did, which gave the masked captain much to tease Itachi with. One of his former teammates from Ro-han actually had the audacity to ask him how it went and if it was against any rules. Itachi shut him up with the same glare Saiku received when he asked Itachi to perform his maiko dance again.
Word always spread fast within ANBU and even faster amongst Jo-nins. So it shouldn't have surprised Itachi when he was ambushed by his red-faced cousin a few days later while sipping tea during his lunch break at the edge of the Forest of Death. Shisui slammed his hands down on Itachi's shoulder, his face pushed into the ANBU's personal space. Itachi had just enough time to steady his hold on his teacup before it could fall victim to Shisui's rage.
"I've been looking for you everywhere and here you sit as if nothing happened! What the hell were you thinking? Do you know how worried I was?" His cousin wasn't giving Itachi any time to answer but continued shouting. He also didn't care that the other ANBU agents from Itachi's team resting nearby were already looking. "I went to your home and your mother said you all but vanished. I went to the police station and none have seen you. I asked Sasuke, but he wouldn't tell. I went to the river, looked at the shrine and even ran down all your favorite shops in town. I then went to the bureau to see if you're away on a mission. And what do they tell me? I don't have clearance to look into your business. Do you know how hard it is to track down one of your stupid ANBU buddies and bribe him into telling me where you are? As if that wasn't bad enough I had to learn that you chose to sleep on a couch instead of asking me? And then you move in with him? Of all people, why him? I thought you weren't interested! Can you please explain to me what is going on in your head?"
Shisui's face was nearly purple by the time he finished. He spoke so loud the rest of Itachi's team had subtly cleared the area, knowing their Captain either wouldn't appreciate an audience or would value their discretion. Maybe they just didn't want to be dragged into Itachi's drama. Regardless, Itachi was glad for once that they were alone. He put his cup down on the bench and smiled up at his cousin.
"Are you done?"
"Yeah, I'm done." Shisui panted before he plopped down beside Itachi. "I'm still mad, though."
"Why? Because you had to ask one of us stupid ANBU for directions?" Itachi mocked. "Given your special friendship with Tenzou, I imagine your bribe was quite pleasant."
"Don't mess with me!" Shisui shoved him with his shoulder. "I was worried. I didn't even know if you were alive!"
"Don't exaggerate."
"Considering the circumstance, it's perfectly justified."
"Also true," Itachi nodded and supped slowly at his tea. "So what are you really mad about?"
"Seriously, you need to ask? Kakashi?"
"I am merely a temporary roommate until I find my own establishment."
"You could have asked me. Why didn't you?" Shisui looked more than a little hurt that Itachi would simply bypass him. "You know you can count on me anytime."
"Don't take it personally, Shisui," Itachi explained. "I just thought that you might not appreciate my presence if a certain stupid ANBU buddy of mine came for a visit."
"Moron!" Shisui shoved him again. "Where did you learn to talk like this? Why do I even ask, it's his influence all right. I better not find out you've been reading his books. What garbage. It's hardly considered literature."
"That's not fair to Jiraiya-sama's writing."
"Don't change the subject," Shisui pouted. "Have you been avoiding me?"
Itachi thought best not to lie. "Not intentionally."
"You just didn't make an effort to seek me out," his cousin sighed. "Look, I can tell you're angry with me. You have every reason to. I'm sorry for what happened. You're in a difficult position, but what happened that day..."
"Happened," Itachi cut him off. "I said my part and they said theirs. It wasn't your fault."
Shisui shook his head. "I said nothing. I should have said more, supported you. But I didn't. I'm sorry for that."
That was unexpected and caught Itachi completely off guard. He blinked, then smiled briefly at his best friend. "Thank you, Shisui. I'm sorry you had to see me like that. You must be very disappointed."
"More like surprised," the older boy shrugged. "You know, I always prided myself on knowing you the best, but even I didn't know you felt that way. Guess my eyes aren't that great, huh? But I saw enough and heard enough. Did you really mean what you said, about Fugaku-san?"
Itachi didn't even hesitate. "Every word."
"Well, I hope it doesn't come to that," Shisui sighed.
"As do I," he agreed. In his heart, he hoped he would never have to choose between Konoha and his clan again. No man should be made to kill his brethren. That single night had scarred so many and would scar even more should it happen in this reality. This time, he could not simply leave Sasuke behind. He was not the same cold-hearted, isolated youth anymore.
"Doesn't that bring back memory," Shisui mused after a while, gesturing towards the Forest of Death behind him. "Seems like yesterday when you took your exam."
"Seems like forever," Itachi replied. In his mind, that exam took place almost fourteen years ago. He could barely remember what happened or how it felt to live without guilt. He couldn't tell how he passed those exams, only that it was easy. He had vague impressions of the forest, of supporting his teammates to the best of his ability and thinking that it was pointless because they would no doubt fail at the hand-to-hand combat. Itachi himself won the duel under a minute.
Sometimes he wondered how he would be if he wasn't pushed so far. How would he be as a normal ANBU agent, if any ANBU could be called normal. There were nights Itachi still gasped awake from nightmares, wishing none of those horrors had happened. Others, Itachi believed this reality to be a dream and he would wake any moment to find himself hunted by those who did not forgive nor forget his crimes.
How long would it take until he truly accepted his new life? Must he stay until he was an adult both in mind and body? Must he play this game of pretend until time itself made his past meaningless? What did future hold for him without hatred and anguish to guide him? What man would he become?
His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden tension in Shisui's body. The reason for his cousin's discomfort was found immediately as the Mizukage and her followers approached the guard in the distance. As Ao exchanged words with the Jo-nin, Kisame's gaze fell on the ANBU on break. To any other, his eyes said nothing. But Itachi saw the promise in it.
He chuckled. Better not to think too much on the fact that his former partner could blink at him in code.
"I know what I saw that day," Shisui said without warning, his eyes watching the foreigners enter the forest. "And I know what I heard."
"Shisui," Itachi did not want to discuss Kisame right now, his mind a million miles away.
"I don't know what he did to make you so infatuated, or how. Just believe me when I say he is not the man you think he is."
"Your point?"
He placed a gentle hand on Itachi's shoulder and looked at him kindly. "It isn't uncommon for a boy your age to be interested in an older man. It has its appeal to be recognized and acknowledge by someone with his reputation. I get it. It might even be alluring and thrilling. But don't let yourself be fooled. He's playing with you, so don't give into his flattery."
"Oh please..." Itachi almost begged.
"I'm serious!" Shisui insisted. "That game of 'does he like me or not', it's just that, a game. He's had you completely twisted. The way you've been acting, that's so unlike you."
"I'm not a fool, Shisui." Itachi rolled his eyes. "I know what I'm doing."
"Do you, now? I remember you crying and wondering what all this is just weeks ago." Shisui squeezed his shoulder. "That man is dangerous. He is not called the Monster of the Mist for nothing."
Itachi lifted a brow. What could Shisui possibly know about Kisame that Itachi didn't?
"I asked around," Shisui started, looking so much like the moment he warned Itachi of Danzou, the younger Uchiha found himself staring in shock and listening to every word he said. "The lips of men are often loose after too many drinks. Itachi, you are aware of the customs of the Blood Mist? Well, he excelled in it. Even at young age, he was one of the most brutal and bloodthirsty killer that Kiri has produced. For reasons unknown, he turned on his master and killed him in cold blood, the man who watched and trained him. To add insult to injury, he used the very sword he took from his master's corpse, Samehada, to slaughter his own comrades. That's how he became one of the seven swordsmen."
"He killed his former comrades in support of Terumi Mei," Itachi corrected. "Without his aid, the Mizukage's revolution to change Mist for the better would have failed."
"So the means justify the end?" Shisui asked. Itachi had to suppress a shiver before his cousin continued. "Even so, his reason to support Terumi was suspicious at best. He fought for her, that's true. No one doubted his strength or that he was a crucial part in her regime. Even if he is hailed a hero back home, he knew but the way of the sword. I cannot believe his intentions to be sincere, not after everything I found out about him."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Do you know the story of how he came to power?"
"Do enlighten me."
"It is said that he just showed up at her camp one day, knowing its exact location despite not having any ties to her before. He just walked up to her, Samehada on his back and the heads of his COs in hand."
Itachi should not find it hot. He really shouldn't, but he did. He had always admired Kisame's strength and that, if needed, he was just as brutal as Itachi. They both understood the impact of an entrance and it was so like Kisame to make it grand. That thought and how much Kisame liked to entertain drove blood to Itachi's cheeks, which of course Shisui's sharp senses didn't miss.
"What is wrong with you?" he slapped Itachi on the back of his head. "It's hardly an arousing tale!"
"You have to admire a man for his boldness," Itachi argued. It was weak, he knew. But it was all he could say.
"To others, it was savagery."
"What happened then?"
"No one really knows," Shisui sighed. "For a man living by the sword, he is worryingly mysterious. There are only rumors about what happened. Supposedly, once he met with Terumi, he demanded she send all her advisers away to talk one on one. How he managed that wasn't clear. But Terumi agreed. When they emerged, Terumi declared him as her second in command. There are countless theories as to what they discussed during the hour in which they were alone. I don't have to tell you that the most popular one believed them to be lovers ever since. That he risked his life regularly for her ascension and is, to this day, one of her strongest supporters only added fuel to that assumption."
Itachi tried hard not to be jealous. He shouldn't be. Kisame didn't fancy Terumi, Kisame only loved Itachi. "There must be other theories as well," he asked, faking intense curiosity to mask his desperation.
If Shisui noticed, he didn't show. "Sure, some say it was intimidation, other say genjutsu. Perhaps he gave her valuable information and secrets that would help her cause. Or maybe he really believed in her ideology, though that one is hard to believe."
"I assume you have a theory of your own. Something you aren't telling me?"
"I believe he somehow made a deal."
"What deal?" Itachi hadn't heard about that and he was growing impatient. His break was almost over and he would hate to resume his long shift without hearing the end of this. "Shisui, just tell me."
"This one isn't popular, but I think there's something to it." He paused, taking a sip from Itachi's tea. "I picked it up from a Kiri Jo-nin whose brother was a high ranking member of Terumi's revolution back then. Supposedly, the heads of his COs were only a tribute to prove his worth. He pledged his sword to her, swearing to kill all she wanted him to kill in return for a favor."
"What, a favor? What favor?"
"Not clear. Except that it was something none other but the Mizukage could offer him." Shisui took a breath and looked to the sky as he always did when trying to solve a puzzle. "That must be why he fought for her, to ensure she became the next Mizugake. I thought about it, hard. He must have known that the Fourth of Kiri wasn't capable of granting him his wish, so he removed Yagura and placed Terumi on the throne. The most powerful person in Kiri was then indebted to him. What I don't understand is, why all this trouble? If he is as strong as they claim, he could have removed both parties and became the Mizukage himself. He wouldn't lack followers if rumor is to be believed."
Itachi had to smile at that. Kisame might be many things, but not a king. For as long as Itachi had known him, Kisame never wanted to rule. He sought not political power, but to fight for someone worthy of his loyalty. He only wanted to battle, to challenge and call himself the victor. If it was up to Kisame, he would have fought the first Hokage and left the next day, in search for his next opponent.
One look at Itachi was enough for his cousin to grunt in annoyance. "Don't tell me you're still infatuated! After everything I just told you?"
"You told me of a hero," Itachi replied. He couldn't help that his voice carried a subtle hint of dreaminess. Well, thoughts of Kisame seemed to have that effect on him these days. "And Shisui, it is more than just simple infatuation."
"I can't believe it!" His cousin jumped up from the bench and grasped at his hair in frustration. "You're mad! He's a monster! The Monster of Hidden Mist! And he's our enemy!"
"We are not at war anymore! Kisame is a good man, I know it. Trust in my judgment. You know I do not speak of love lightly."
"Love?!" Shisui looked as if he would faint. "Love... Kami-sama, please help me! Itachi, you're thirteen years old! What do you know of romance? You can't possibly be in love with him!"
"Why not?" Itachi snapped. "Didn't you say it yourself? Love comes to you without your knowing or asking for it. Once caught in its power, even gods cannot escape. How do you expect me to?"
"This isn't like in Kakashi's books! There is no glorified heartache inflamed by dramatic passion! There is no happy ending. Itachi, this will only result in tragedy! " Shisui begged. "Spare yourself the tears and snap out of it!"
"I never thought you to be a hypocrite! Especially not when you yourself are involved with someone unsuited for your status!"
"Don't drag Tenzou into this! Our cases are completely different!"
"Why can you love to your heart's content, but not I?" Itachi hissed, his face heated with both passion and embarrassment. After all, he had never argued for love before.
"Look at him, Itachi!" Shisui almost shouted. "He's..."
"He's what?"
After a heartbeat of searching, his cousin spat. "Old! He's too old! And you are thirteen, Itachi. That's unnatural, not to mention completely wrong."
He wanted to claim that he was no mere child, but that wasn't exactly true. Itachi was painfully aware that their age difference was the strongest argument against them. That they were both men had lost its weight when there was more than a decade separating them. In the end, he only said, "I have always been beyond my peers. His age does not bother me."
"But it should! He's what, 23,24?"
"25 come March."
"See? He's 12 years older than you!"
"Eleven and a half."
"That makes no difference at all! A man his age should not be lusting after you! He brings shame upon himself for doing so! It's despicable, monstrous!"
"Enough!" Itachi jumped from his seat, his lips trembling. "I have set my heart on him and so it will be. You words cannot change the way I feel. I love him, as fiercely as I am capable of and with all that is in my heart."
"You barely know him!"
"I know enough," Itachi said bitterly. His voice shook and his throat was dry. He could not stop the tears gathering in his eyes for there was so much he could say but couldn't. He wanted desperately to share the love he felt for Kisame with those he kept close. How he wished he would not be torn apart by the two he loved the most. "Do not doubt me, Shisui. I know he is the man truly deserving of my devotion."
"Heaven..." Shisui gasped slowly, his face a mask of shock and horror. "He's bewitched you, with body and soul. How is that possible? What power is this? What promises did he make you?"
Itachi sighed, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill. "I don't expect you to understand. And there is no way I can possibly put into words what I share with Kisame. I only pray that one day you will accept my choice." He swallowed heavily and blinked the remaining moisture out of his eyes. Thank Kami his job required him to wear a mask. Otherwise it would be hard to hide his swollen eyes.
"Wait, Itachi! Don't run away." Shisui pleaded as Itachi walked away, unable to follow.
"I'm not running, Shisui. I'm done running." He turned halfway, his mask already hiding his face and giving him much needed cover. "But I have duties to attend to. I'll let you know when the Ge-nins are done. Until then, please talk to no one about this. Please be my friend and do this for me."
He had never had reason to doubt Shisui's loyalty before and he urged himself not to start today. Ever since Shisui vowed to never betray him, his cousin had stayed true to his promise. No matter what happened, no matter what life threw at them, Itachi refused to think about the day Shisui might break his word.
So what do you think? Any good.? :-D
you don't have to wait too long for the next chapter. I'm almost done with the story. :-D