YEAR FOUR.85 1/1 Amelioration & Aspiration
You have escaped the cage, your wings stretched out. So fly. ~Rumi
Part of grief is the loss of innocence, the loss of the certainty that everything will always be as it has been. ~Tanya Lord
~Five Months Later, Early Spring~
Koutarou Bokuto grins at the fiery little ball of a determined redhead as he catches his lip between his teeth in fierce concentration.
They are out on the beach half a league from home where a bend in the coastline sits perfectly for the wind to harshly batter the seaboard and crash against the weathered stone cliff face behind them with a constant velocity. This section of the sand is only available for a few scant hours before the sea swallows it back up as the tides reach again for the rocks, the water already coming back in.
It's brisk today, and Hinata should really probably have another layer on, but Koutarou doubts that he notices. Instead, he works beside him to beat his young black wings twice in tandem for every wave break of the surf near their feet.
Koutarou picked this place specifically for the wind, because it spurred a natural forward motion with the feel of the air rushing beneath their feathers. That, and when spread, they acted like a sail. If Hinata wanted to stay in one place and not be blown backward into the rocks, he had to either push himself forward with those limbs, or close them. And Hinata fiercely desired the sky, so Koutarou knew he'd never cave for the second option. He can't keep it up very long, but he's single mindedly focused, because he knows that Koutarou will cut him off once he falters.
They've come a long way in five months... but Hinata still can't fly.
Granted, they'd spent the first three after Yachi'd loosed his wings waiting for feathers to grow in— really, the kid had been freaking ecstatic when he'd noticed the first one. It was winter, so instead of losing his mind outside, he'd bounced around the house chaotically, his mouth running nonstop the whole day. He'd been such a dynamic mass of energy that Tsukishima had headed into Sheru Bay to see Suga's relatives under the premise that he'd rather put up with actual children over the small spiker.
But even if every tiny step forward had buoyed the redhead, all of those little marks of progress had each been their own battle starting from the moment his wings were freed.
It had taken him at least three days to actually stand without help. And as he'd started to test his movement— even just walking around— he'd pulled stitches… particularly on the side that had ruptured after his tumble in the sand. It couldn't really be helped as the torn edges of skin had been half ragged, the threads not holding that well, but he'd still been scolded by both Kiyoko and Daichi. Bokuto had been unable to help himself.
"Even I never pulled any of Yachi's stitches." He'd cajoled with a grin as the little blond bunting had reset yet another, and the redhead had leveled him with a sincerely unimpressed expression that would have almost been Tsukishima worthy.
"You didn't have even a tenth as many, either. I have two lines going from hip to shoulder. You had a pair of two inch holes."
But that had only been the first obstacle of a mountain of them— many of which he'd discovered simply upon becoming mobile once more.
His back, braced by the long bones of his developing wings to the point of seizing up his spine, had atrophied, all the muscles he hadn't been able to use for over four years pitifully weak. And while he wasn't carrying 'more' weight, the distribution was all wrong from what he'd grown used to. His center of gravity had changed now that his wings weren't compressed under his skin and were instead, trailing behind him once again.
It had quickly become apparent that flying wouldn't be the only thing Shouyou would have to relearn. His back muscles grew tired in short order just from walking around or even keeping himself upright for extended periods of time, and if he bent over, he was liable to topple and be unable to get back up without help because of the imbalance the new wings created— all things the rest of them took for granted and never would have even thought about. If he pushed himself, his quivering muscles would eventually give out and his balance and coordination would falter. More than once, Bokuto had turned around after a flurry of motion to find the kid on his hands and knees in surprise, or shakily climbing back to his feet while his leveler scowled darkly with concern right beside him.
And that wasn't even the half of it.
His back might have healed over quickly and cleanly under Yachi and Kiyoko's care— even with the pulled stitches and bruising— leaving behind two gnarly scars that ran parallel to his spine, but the wings were sorely undersized. They'd been forced into the cramped space of his back throughout their regeneration so they hadn't had the ability to get larger, and it would almost have been comical to see him for the first time if Koutarou hadn't known what he'd been through. Honestly, he'd looked like he had wings that would have fit his little sister, not an adult, but the Karasuno unit had assured them all that his wings had been every bit as large as theirs before losing them.
Apparently, the leveler bond agreed.
Hinata still glowed every night… but he rarely found sleep. The binding effect continued to ignite the glow in his wings as they'd settle in for the night, but he'd been racked almost every time by growing pains. Since Yachi had released them, his wingspan had widened over a foot before the first feather had even shown up. A foot in three months. It was no wonder the kid never slept. If Koutarou had to deal with his own leveler bond stretching his long bones like that every night, he doubts he'd find any either. And when Hinata didn't sleep, neither did Kageyama.
And in a bizarre development, it seemed they'd achieved a level of connection the likes of which even Yaku had never seen: they didn't even have to be asleep for it to activate. More than once, Koutarou'd seen them just chilling, the redhead curled up in his lap for a meal or fixing the Volley net, and the bald little wings would throw a faint glow. They'd been forced into crashing out separately during the day in order to escape the psychosis of sleep deprivation, because the leveler bond didn't care if it was dark or light; if they were together, it would initiate.
Between his lengthening wings and his weakened core muscles, Koutarou was sure the kid was in almost constant pain regardless of how he never complained. Yes, the first three months had been brutal. His burgeoning wings continue to gain size even now, and the last month has consisted of relearning to use them.
More feathers had quickly followed the first, nearly a full set filling in within a few weeks. And he'd been utterly impatient to get back into the air. The wings themselves seemed in perfect working order, all tendons and bones and tissues present and functional. His new set of feathers were mostly all in, so he had the means to generate the power to leave the ground— everything was fine except… Hinata was just failing.
"It's not that hard, idiot. Infants make the migration trip each year despite not being able to think rationally or even having teeth yet. You're being dense; avians are born knowing how to fly." Kageyama had said with frustration when they'd first started working at regaining flight. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the constant state of pain induced exhaustion, but the redhead had shot his leveler one of the most irritated glances Koutarou had seen since that big fight.
"Shut up moron. Next time, you can be the one grounded for five years."
A few more volleying insults that had gained a sharper edge with every word, and no one had had to be told to act. Suga and Noya had both stepped in, splitting the two, Daichi and Lev there in case they'd been needed, and Koutarou had even caught Kuroo's ear fixed intently toward them as well; it may have been a few years since that scary fight, but Koutarou is convinced it could have been centuries, and the rest of the beach crew would still remember it with crystalline clarity.
Conditioning and relearning flight had been handed off to himself and Daichi with occasional help from the thrush or Akaashi. Feathers had been restricted to watching his leveler's progress from the sidelines; an arrangement neither had protested much. It was for the best—the avian heir was exceptional at working through a new quick or helping fine tune a skill, but he didn't have the patience to teach something as simple as basic motor skills entirely from scratch.
Actually, it hadn't been that Hinata'd so much forgotten how as that he no longer had the body for it. Hinata intellectually knew everything he needed to do to be able to fly, but infantile wings didn't always cooperate— hadn't been dialed in yet, so to speak.
His shoulders hadn't been put through the task of spurring wings to get him off the ground since he'd lost them, and no matter how much energy Shouyou might have had, it had all been conditioned to efficiency for his legs and feet. His new wings were considerably smaller than the ones he'd lost, and the tendons and muscles that controlled them had never seen movement before erupting from his back. They'd never been asked to work and, so the muscles that flexed them, while present, were virtually nonexistent and fatigued in no time flat.
It had turned out to be such a task, that Hinata'd been over the moon when he'd finally gotten them to beat in sync for more than a few wing strokes. Now, as he pushes his wings to their gradually increasing limit beside him, Koutarou keeps even pace with every stroke, his own bi-colored wings powerfully working through the motions.
The streaked owl still marvels at them—at the power of a leveler bond to be able to regrow entire new limbs. And… if he's honest, Koutarou frankly adores the white ticking that peppers the underside of Hinata's new wings, because they've added yet another avian to the group that didn't have strictly black ones. He'd heard about Hinata's odd feathering pattern often enough, but seeing it where only six months ago he hadn't had wings to speak of was thrilling.
"Your left is slipping, Hinata." He says over the wind when he catches the way it doesn't extend completely.
When one side falters, that's when they fall out of sync, and that will spell disaster if he's in the air. If the redhead is aware of it he can try to correct it… and try he does. That left hits full extension once more, a frown of concentration creasing his face. The owl's grin widens and he glances over Hinata's head.
A little further down the beach, the bald crow works with Natsu. She has a full set of feathers once more and recently stopped glowing at night; the girl is also a prime candidate for learning to fly. She struggles nearly as much as Hinata, but it comes more from the fact that she's possibly never flown and has no idea what is required let alone what it should feel like.
Tanaka has his hands full, because she's as easily distractible as Hinata and not nearly as motivated to return to the sky. Koutarou has a hunch that when Hinata finally starts leaving the ground, she'll follow not long after. The kid might not be very comfortable with it, but she will probably like being the only avian unable to fly even less; she has a rash of both stubbornness and pride in her just like her brother.
Asahi is here as well, his wing also back in working order. The large crow actually is flying again, though, and is working on a strengthening drill with Noya where they trade off breaking headwind against the constant draft coming in off the ocean. And like Hinata and Kageyama, those two have made steady progress as levelers as well. Koutarou rarely sees one without the other anymore at all—though he imagines that a scare like they had with the earthquake and tsunami would likely make him as clingy with Akaashi, too.
"Son of a—" Hinata mutters and Koutarou looks back at him in time to see his wings fall out of sync, the fatigue compromising their movement. Koutarou reaches for him, but he isn't quite fast enough as the wind catches the feathers of one and flips him backward into the sand.
"You're giving up already?" He smirks.
This is the deal— when he drops from whatever conditioning exercise they're working on, he's done for the day. It's the imposed rule to make sure he doesn't strain himself and possibly get hurt; Koutarou and the others that work with him are there simply to ensure he puts on the brakes… and him losing control like this is the signal that they've hit that point. The redhead regularly tries to worm his way out of the restriction regardless, and when Hinata huffs and turns an annoyed glance at him, Koutarou is confident today will be no different.
"Shut up, Bokuto." He says, sitting up, but he doesn't get back up.
He stays there in the sand, eyes on the encroaching surf, while he works to catch his breath. Koutarou folds his wings and squats down beside him, a little surprised that he isn't on his feet again already like he always is.
"You did better than yesterday. Worlds better than last week." He says encouragingly. The redhead's brow furrows slightly.
"You know, you don't have to give up the time you normally use to spar just to work with me. It's important to keep your skills sharp. And I know you've skipped going to the docks a couple times, too." He says and there's a slight tiredness in his voice that makes Koutarou's golden eyes sharpen on him for a brief moment.
He glances over his shoulder up at the rocks where Kageyama sits with his elbows resting on his knees as he watches their conditioning session, Sugawara beside him. The quiet thrush had frequently taken to hanging with the avian heir through these workouts, and Koutarou is sure that he does it to keep the crow setter mellowed and remaining on the sidelines. He half smiles at them to let Feathers know that everything is alright before turning back to the redhead beside him. Really, that crow cared so much about the small spiker that he could hover worse than a mom.
"True… I still have to be able to fight… but I think you regaining the sky is more important right now. I don't mind my skills dulling for a bit if I can help with that." He says with an easy smile that must be contagious because Hinata smiles slightly, too.
"Don't you get frustrated?" He asks with a breath of amusement through his nose as if he honestly can't believe Koutarou doesn't mind when he falters. The owl reminds himself that this kid was part of that group that grew up as sentries; failure wasn't tolerated well.
"Sure, but you're the one still stuck on the ground; it's got to be worlds worse for you. Besides, you make far better progress than your sister, at any rate. I don't envy Tanaka." He says with a chuckle and a nod to where Natsu has ceased all attempts at the workout. She has snagged one of the bald crow's flight feathers and squeals as he reaches for her with a black scowl.
Koutarou can sympathize with Tanaka; she'd been fascinated with he and Akaashi's facial feathers since day one, and she'd finally pulled one of his just last week. It might not have been a flight feather, but those small feathers that decorated his face were sensitive. Akaashi had found it unreasonably amusing and had even offered to let the kid snag one of his when Koutarou had gotten salty with him over the lack of sympathy. It had instantly turned his mood to alarm, because the streaked owl loved running his fingers over those accenting feathers that did nothing but make Akaashi that much more pliant under his hands. They only added to the smaller owl's allure and to lose even one would have been a travesty in Koutarou's opinion.
"Heh. He has no handle on her. Call Kageyama down here and that'll change." Hinata says wryly and Koutarou laughs.
"Well, they are levelers." He murmurs and Hinata's face sours slightly.
"That's still really weird when I think about it." He grumbles.
"It was weird when I found out you and the crow were levelers." Koutarou challenges and Hinata cocks a brow at him.
"Why would that be weird?" Koutarou looks away toward the surf that is nearly at their feet, knowing his face is softening a little.
"You mean besides you guys being polar opposites?" He asks half-jokingly before glancing out across the water, his expression sliding more serious. "'Weird' might be the wrong word. We are owls. It was bizarre, sure, but your trust was also humbling. I can't speak for Akaashi, but I never expected to have anything like this. I was raised to keep everyone at arm's length, to be detached and unfazed by others' hardships. And now I'm surrounded by people I'm closer to than my own blood family— even have a leveler of my own— and I have zero regrets. I treasure every day here, wish it could always be this way, with everyone happy and having fun.
"I'll protect and nurture that with my life if need be, because I never expected to care this much about other people. I want to help you because you belong in the sky. Your eyes have dreamt of it since I met you, and I'd like to see it happen." He says, his fondness for the kid beside him bleeding through his words. He glances at Hinata only to find large almond eyes fixed on him with awe, a wispy smile tipping his mouth.
And the only thing he can think is that it's not the blinding one he used to wear all the time.
"You're pretty amazing, you know that?" He says, and glances down at his feet. A flash of grin like Koutarou frequently sees around Noya or Tanaka breaks his features more fully and his unease wanes just a touch. "But you might want to be careful how loud you say something like that. You'll take crap for being a sap around here— Tsukishima would never have let that go." Koutarou smirks.
"That's because he knows the feeling. He's actually a lot more attached to everyone here than people realize."
The redhead snorts and turns a skeptical gaze back at him, an eyebrow creeping up his forehead despite the amusement in his almond orbs.
"Tsukishima? No way. Yamaguchi maybe, but I don't think he's ever thought about us like that."
"Yamaguchi might always be his first priority, but it wasn't the freckled crow who was making two and three trips to the aviary every day while we waited for news on you guys."
"Tsukishima?" He repeats more emphatically, and Koutarou nods.
"Believe it. He was, like, ten times as scowly and his cheeky remarks were brutal. Next time we decide to split, I want to be in whatever group he isn't." Hinata laughs, his eyes crinkling around the edges and Koutarou smiles at getting a rewarding reaction.
"What, can't take the burn?" He asks and the streaked owl huffs through his nose, his grin going slightly predatory.
"Can't guarantee I won't deck him. Restraint ain't my forte." He murmurs wryly, and Hinata laughs again and climbs to his feet as Noya and Asahi drop down to the sand to meet Suga and Kageyama where they wait for them. Hinata stretches out his back with stiff movement, the muscles clearly overworked yet again.
"You should probably talk to Kiyoko for that tea. Akaashi can probably get you something stronger if you can't move in a couple hours." He says with a grin and Hinata flashes a devious smile at him that sets the feathers on the back of his neck a little on edge.
It's the look that usually precedes one of his and Noya's pranks— like he fully expects to get away with something. And before he can think, the redhead takes off toward Kageyama in a full sprint across the wet sand. Even running like this is still a challenge when he's tired and Koutarou's eyes crease slightly with concern as he starts after him.
And then the small spiker leaps, his wings unfurling to catch the bracing wind. The draft still comes in off the ocean where they are, and Feathers' and Suga's expressions widen at them from where they stand in the lee of a large rock sea stack. Koutarou isn't close enough to stop it, probably won't be able to catch him before the draft has a chance to grab his wings and catapult him back to the ground. Koutarou's gut tightens with worry.
Hinata's wings beat furiously as they catch the draft and he careens… but he isn't finished yet. They're not perfectly synced to control his motion the way they should be, but the one on the downwind side strains to correct his path. Through some miracle, he levels out, gains a few feet of altitude, his wings pushing air cleanly despite the disruption between the two. Koutarou blinks.
Hinata is flying.
It doesn't last long— another four, five, six strokes, and the bracing wind catches him sleeping on the upwind side and knocks his wings further out of their flawed rhythm. And it's enough to make him lose control as his momentum rocks him forward. He plummets the five feet to the sand, the wet grains as hard as stone, and he lands with a heavy grunt; Koutarou feels his heart skip a beat as he catches up in a second.
"Hinata—"
The redhead bolts upright with a whoop, his voice carrying clearly across the beach to everyone else out here with them as Koutarou drops beside him.
Eh… well, that probably means he's okay, then, he muses wryly.
"Kageyama, did you see?! Kageyama, I flew!" He yells, a vibrating bundle of excitement as he gets back to his feet, his wings spastically flapping with his enthusiasm.
And as irritated as he is at the shrimp having gotten one over on him, Koutarou can't help but grin through the annoyance, because that is a look he's missed lately. Catching up the redhead's shirt and hoisting him up off the ground before he has a chance to elude him again, he clears his throat.
"Flopped like a fish was more like it." He says as the redhead looks up at him sheepishly. "Daichi will have my neck if he finds out I'm letting you do more than we agreed to."
He knows he's failing to keep the smile off his face and be serious... because Hinata had gotten off the ground, had gone a good ten or fifteen meters without touching it again. It hadn't been pretty or graceful or coordinated by any stretch of the word, but… Hinata had flown.
Almost five years since he'd been grounded, his first flight, even if it only lasted moments, is enough to electrify them both, no matter how Koutarou tries to maintain an air of maturity and responsibility. Perhaps they can start working on guided flights soon, where they suspend Hinata underneath one of them with a rope as they fly so he starts getting the feel of it again. For now, though, he doesn't let the small spiker back to the ground, and instead turns and starts them toward Feathers and Sugawara again.
And almost drops the flailing redhead when he sees his leveler.
The crow setter had taken two steps toward them when Hinata had done his head dive, but he stands now with a small quiet smile and an open gaze that speaks of nothing but fond pride. Really, that grin could set anyone on edge except the beach crew, because they are the only ones who know that what spurs it into existence is anything but dark. That smile is strictly reserved for when he thinks or looks at his leveler… and the occasional rare moment in Volley— which usually also involved the redhead somehow.
That crow was hopelessly, stupidly, and irrevocably head over heels for the little redhead in his grasp. When Yachi'd finally finished freeing his wings, they'd been these new, bald, alien looking limbs clasped against his back, and everyone had all stared in disturbed fascination. Feathers hadn't seen any of that, though, and had gathered the half-drugged redhead to himself with infinite care and gentle reverence. Despite their naked featherless state, Kageyama had only been able to stare in wonder at the fact that his leveler had sprouted complete, unblemished, and pristine wings.
Koutarou is pretty sure Kageyama didn't sleep at all that first night, he was so astounded that after more than four years, it was all happening now and it was real. He'd worn such a deep expression—like he'd always wished for this outcome, but had never dared to hope. The avian heir had smiled frequently since that night, because every small achievement was a step forward, and if Koutarou was sure of one thing, it was that Kageyama wanted to see his leveler truly free and happy once again more than anything else in this world.
Koutarou smiles slightly as he steps up to the crow setter and unceremoniously shoves Hinata toward his waiting hands.
"Control this." He says, passing the redhead off to Feathers by the collar of his shirt. "Or I will be bringing ropes next time. Akaashi is my leveler." Noya laughs over Kageyama's shoulder and he's sure he hears a quiet titter from the thrush as well. The short crow straightens and looks around him.
"Hey, Tanaka, the point is to get her in the air, not ground yourself." He calls and Koutarou glances back at the bald crow and girl. She no longer has just one of his flight feathers, but three. Hinata snorts and the thrush grins before waving at them.
"Come on, you two. Yamaguchi will probably have dinner ready by now." Natsu screeches with excitement at the prospect of food and promptly drops Tanaka's feathers and heads their way, the bald crow following after her with a fierce grumble.
Koutarou grins as they all head back toward the beach house, secretly elated at the redhead's spark of deviant enthusiasm.
He understands now why he was brought up to be distant, but he can't identify with it. He can see how emotional investment makes him vulnerable, but he doesn't care. His life has more than one defining point now.
The first was when he met Akaashi. The other owl really was his heart and soul, and Koutarou'd follow him to hell if he so got the itch. The smaller, beautiful owl was probably the only thing that could make him walk away from everything the second focal point had sparked. Meeting Akaashi led to stumbling upon the beach crew.
Meeting the redhead beside him… had opened the world up for the streaked owl. He's never felt like he's belonged anywhere more. Even Sheru Bay is nothing but welcoming of them, a pair of owls, the residents having grown accustomed to seeing them on the docks, and after helping the town rebuild after the quake and tsunami, they're amenable, even friendly toward them.
And his heart breaks at the knowledge that the redhead beside him isn't the same person he'd first met that hot summer day.
Hinata is still very much Hinata, but he is more thoughtful, perhaps a bit quieter and more serious, and he's far more aware of himself and those around him. He's no longer the oblivious ball of sunshine he was; he's more like the scalding high noon burn or sometimes a warm sunset instead of the brilliant morning sunrise herald Koutarou remembers.
And that makes him heartsore, because he doesn't know if the Hinata of now would have made the same choices as the Hinata of then. If he and Akaashi had shown up on their doorstep tomorrow instead of almost five years ago, would the redhead be as quick to sideline the others' concerns and welcome them like he had back then?
Koutarou can't help but wish their places had been exchanged so that he could have killed in the redhead's place. He'd been conditioned for it, after all, had nearly followed through at least once, it shouldn't have been that hard for someone like him. He couldn't kill without reason, but killing so that someone he loves didn't have to— he imagines that is probably about the best one he could have. Maybe he's wrong and he'd still have hesitated, but if he'd have been the one to take a life, Hinata's pure and open disposition might have been preserved, untainted by the memory of what it meant to end another's existence.
Koutarou knows the past is set in stone, and the redhead will probably never go back to what he was, and the world is ever changing even now, but… even if it's just a little, he hopes that regaining the sky will help Hinata remember who he is.
A/N: Woot! Bokuto chapter! I really feel like Hinata's change in personality would hit Bokuto one of the hardest. And Hinata flies! and Kageyama melts b/c I adore Kagehina fluff even if I'm not that great at generating it, and Natsu has totally turned into this devious little child. Also, another one with two quotes at the beginning b/c Nyx is indecisive as fuck.
So, yeah... the next chap isn't quite finished, but I will try to have it up tomorrow yet (Apologies if I don't succeed; I made it last time, so cross your fingers I do again lol). Have a brilliant evening you guys!