Rudi, wif an i
So this is a follow onto the fluff chapter. You can stop at the first, or take it a little deeper.
Please let me know if you prefer chapter one as a stand alone or with this chapter!
I do not own Lie to Me, the characters, dialogue, or events in the episodes.
"Well, Cal, if Alec found someone who was good for him, someone who was kind, and smart and friendly… which I'm sure a Kelli with an i would be, then I would be happy for him … and for Kelli … with an i."
"But you'd also be just a smidgen amused, wouldn't you luv?" He grinned wickedly at her and raised an eyebrow. "I mean as happy as you could be for the man…(cough) wanker. Somewhere deep in there, you'd be laughing your arse off."
"You're terrible you know that right?" She smiled over her cappuccino at him and he grinned happily back.
He was reading the mirth on her face and could have let it go at that, but then he wouldn't be Cal Lightman. "I mean as much as we want our exes to be happy and all that, there's still that little part of us," again he held up his fingers an inch apart, "that evil little piece back in there that thinks, how fucking brilliant it is that our ex is dating a Rudi, wif an i."
Gillian tilted her head at him thoughtfully. 'Uh oh' he thought, 'that's her shrink face, that is.'
"That little place, that thought… that's all it is Cal, a thought. You and I both know you would never want to hurt Zoe, and as much as you may think he deserves it, I don't wish Alec any ill will either. He does enough to himself." She watched his face, focused mostly on his eyes.
Cal swore, when she looked at him like that, she was reading his very soul. "I don't know, luv, Zoe could push a bloke to the extreme. I'm pretty sure she's wanted to murder me in the past, and the feeling was often mutual."
"I can't really blame Zoe for wanting to kill you, Cal. I'm pretty sure there have been times in the past I've felt the same way." She smirked when he managed to comport his face into a semblance of shame, innocence, and amusement at her comment. They both knew she was telling the truth. "You may have said you'd kill her, Cal, a lot of people use that phrase without the true intent behind it. But you'd never purposefully hurt her."
Her eyes took on a strange sadness with her words. His eyebrows furrowed. How had their jovial mood changed so quickly? Looking down at her cup, she realized it was almost empty. Shaking it towards him, she took the last sip quickly. "Time to work."
He watched her slip from the chair and toss the empty cup into the bin. She paused at the door and looked back at him; a gesture of waiting for him to follow. Slipping off his own stool he deposited his cup and slipped his arm behind her to hold open the door. She smiled a thank you over her shoulder at him, but it didn't reach her eyes.
The noise from the street didn't offer much opportunity for conversation. But even after they entered the building and rode the elevator, both remained silent. Cal was contemplating her earlier statement and the sadness on her face. Before he knew it they were outside of her office. She interrupted his thoughts with a quick, "Thank you for the coffee break," before slipping into her office.
He stood outside dumbstruck. She still reeked of sadness. Making up his mind he entered behind her, twirling her around and out of the jacket she had started to slip off. He threw it onto the back of a chair and used his foot to shut the door behind him. "Cal?" she asked startled reading his face as he backed her toward the wall.
"How do you know I'd never purposefully hurt Zoe, luv?" Cal was reading her face as he walked towards her, tracing the echoes of sadness in the lines there.
"I thought it was obvious Cal." She said so matter-of-factly, he stopped dead in his tracks.
Turning his head in confusion, "It's not at all luv."
Letting out a whoosh of air through her nose, Gillian composed herself. She hadn't intended to start this conversation but the truth had slipped out and now, of course, Cal couldn't let it go. "You and I both know that there was one way you could have hurt Zoe, if you had wanted to Cal." His confusion was evident on his face as he looked at her like she was nuts. Sighing she continued to elucidate it for him. "There was someone you could have dated… knowing it would have hurt her, and you didn't." The gaze she gave him was knowing and pointed.
He swallowed deeply, finally catching on her meaning. "You're not talking about a Kelli wif and i are you luv." Trying for a little humor and failing miserably.
"You never wanted to hurt her Cal. You still don't." The sadness was back, in full force.
"Is that what you think? That I didn't… That I never…" The words wouldn't come out as he gestured helplessly between himself and Gillian. "Because I didn't want to hurt Zoe?"
"I'm sure you had your reasons, but yes, I believe you don't want to hurt Zoe." She looked away from him at the last part, her voice dropping in volume.
"Don't. You said don't, not didn't." Cal's hands came up of their own volition and he cupped her face to raise her eyes to meet his. "Look at me Gill. Please."
She finally did questioningly, with apprehension and nervousness, and still that touch of sadness. He wanted to erase that forever.
"You're right luv, I didn't want to hurt Zoe. Never did. But it never really registered in my mind that by dating… you… that I would hurt her." He continued quickly to counter the look of disbelief she shot him. "I mean logically, yeah it makes sense. Now that you say it, but in here," with one hand he tapped on his chest, "that connection never was clear. Zoe was not the reason I didn't try to date you. Never was. And hurting her doesn't even factor into the equation anymore. As you told me earlier, I am happy that she's found someone. Highly amused that the man is named Rudi, wif an i, but happy for her. Mostly happy that Emily thinks he's alright." His free hand ran through his hair, as he realized he was babbling a bit. "Luv, the point, I'm failing to make here, is that, I didn't… try to date …you … before, because …well, I didn't think… I was good enough. And now… I don't have a bloody clue why we aren't dating."
He looked back up at her and watched as a variety of emotions played across her face: surprise, disbelief, a flash of fear, followed by hope and joy. The last one brought an overwhelming relief over him and he felt a stupid grin plaster itself to his face.
Eyebrow raised she smirked at him, amusement playing in her eyes. "Is it 'cause I'm not a Kelli, wif an i?" She mocked in his accent.
"Nah," he said wrapping an arm around her waist. "You are my Gilli, wif an i." She laughed into his mouth as he drew her into a kiss.