For a while I thought this was just too tough to keep writing, but it kept gaining followers and reviews and so I felt it was too popular to give up on yet. You kept it alive! So here it is folks!

~HKHKHKH~

He was beginning to feel distracted. It was the end of the day: club activities were coming to a close, and the Hosts were beginning the usual rituals of tiding up and gathering their things to depart. Chatter filled the room which Kyoya had come to easily drown out as he balanced the books for the day but now, as he worked, other details were beginning to stir him. He would be writing in his black book and suddenly notice the scratching sound of his pencil on the paper, carving dark lines into the otherwise clean sheet with a sound that seemed to get louder and louder with each stroke. Or he would pause to figure a calculation in his head, but suddenly find it impossible to do with the clock hanging on the wall behind him ticking so loudly and clearly behind him. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. How had he not noticed how loud the clock was before? Now it seemed impossible to ignore.

As he sat in his arm chair, legs crossed and staring down at his work, Kyoya could feel reality beginning to close in on him. It happened every day around this time: the tea sets and costumes were put away at the end of the Host Club each day, and Kyoya's peace of mind went with it as he again was forced to face the reality outside the club room walls. In here, he was hard working, and happy. But out there- at home- he was the third son. Out of place. Worthless.

You are an embarrassment! All you do is cause problems and bring shame to this family!

Kyoya sighed, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. There was no reason to be moping like a child right now- it certainly wasn't going to get his work done any faster. Quickly he finished recording the day's figures and closed his book, returning it to his school bag before standing. The Hosts were how he had left them: Hunny and Mori sat at a table to themselves, chatting and finishing up the cake they had been working at all afternoon. The twins had gotten Tamaki worked up about something who now was now arguing passionately against the cackling pair, and Haruhi seemed to be dancing between breaking the three up to help her clean and just giving up to continue tiding herself. Kyoya watched them all for a moment, hands dug in his pockets, feeling as though he was peering at them through a window.

He would never fully understand the wall between him and them but he knew it was there. They could play and he could not. They could dream and he could not. They were happy and he was not. He could never understand it. They all had flaws, they all suffered in some way or another, but somehow, they were happy. They had friends and he had control. The control that was throbbing against the fabric of his pockets now, irritated by the contact. He needed control because he was weak- too weak to move on or find happiness the way his fellow Hosts had.

Kyoya turned and headed into the small kitchenette in the back, wanting to be sure it was tidy before he left. A quick inspection revealed there was still some coffee out, leftover but still warm enough to entice Kyoya into having a cup. The moment he poured it he realized how much he needed it, his exhaustion too familiar but not easily ignored. He started for the door with his coffee when suddenly the door swung open, striking his side before he could react.

"Kyoya-sempai!" Haruhi exclaimed, blinking at him with wide, surprised eyes. She gasped when she saw she had spilled his coffee on him.

"I'm so sorry! Here-"

She quickly set down the tray she had been carrying in and grabbed a towel, beginning to pat down the stain forming on his uniform. Kyoya let her work without comment for a moment, finding the entire situation so odd he felt frozen. He wanted to laugh, but he didn't know why- she was just so sorry and so fretful as she patted at his jacket, like she really honestly cared about the jacket and the coffee and him. It was almost touching- but he found that funny too, because he realized he sounded as ridiculous as Tamaki in the way he was building up Haruhi in his head. Any decently polite person would help someone they spilled coffee on.

"It's alright Haruhi, you don't have to…"

Haruhi patted his shoulder with the towel, moving down his arm to the end of his sleeve. Then in one simple motion, too fast for Kyoya to stop before it happened, she rolled up his sleeve a little to continue her job. Kyoya's stomach turned to ice as he saw her flick up his sleeve- so innocently, so simply, not realizing she had just ripped open a door Kyoya had worked to keep locked every minute of the day for years. Before he could pull his arm away his scars were exposed and all at once he could see Haruhi freeze.

Silence stretched on between them, both frozen, Kyoya's heart thumping so wildly in his ears he's sure he wouldn't have heard her even if she had spoken. Slowly she lifted her eyes to look at him, into him, wide brown eyes that said more than she ever could. Suddenly his mind was racing, his heart was racing, he was racing to say something, anything, before all his years of secrecy slipped through his fingers.

"You really should be more careful, Haruhi, bounding through the door like that is more of a Hitachiin characteristic, don't you think?"

He rolled down his sleeve again and adjusted his jacket like nothing had happened. The poise with which he spoke shocked even himself, his mind screaming at him to get out of there. He offered her a polite smile, as though she hadn't seen his scars, as though she had simply spilled some coffee and it was still just a silly mishap he wanted to laugh about.

"But it's no harm done- I'll go change."

She stared at him in complete shock, unable to process what was happening, and he took the opportunity to head for the door. But before he could escape Haruhi was finally able to sputter

"Kyoya- what were those-!"

He froze with his hand on the door, not turning to look at her.

"I don't know what you mean."

He said quietly. Her volume did not match.

"Did you- did you do that to yourself?"

Slowly he turned back to face her, and the sudden weight in his voice and burning in his eyes took her aback.

"Whatever you're thinking Haruhi, you're completely wrong. You're wrong, so just drop it."

She shook her head.

"I know what I saw!"

"No you don't!"

He yelled, furious. She jumped back and the fear in her eyes tamed him instantly. He had to keep calm. He had to fix this. He spoke slowly and firmly.

"You don't understand at all Haruhi, so just let it go. This is my private matter and I would appreciate it if you let it remain private."

She looked like she was going to protest but the look on his face stopped her and instead she just slowly nodded. Satisfied, Kyoya spun on his heel and stalked out of the room. His head was spinning- how could something he had worked so hard on all fall to pieces so easily! Now Haruhi had seen his scars. She had nodded her consent to keep his secret but he could never take back what she saw- the look on her wide brown eyes seemed frozen in his mind's eye, haunting him. He couldn't let his control be unraveled- not after all this time. He frantically tried to reassure himself as he changed that all was not lost. Haruhi would keep his secret. They would all go home soon and she would forget and he would forget and everything would return to the way they were. He was still in control.

He looked at himself in the mirror, new uniform almost feeling too stiff and clean for the state his mind was in at the moment. He gulped, willing himself to calm down.

He was still in control.

~HKHKHKHK~