Okay, I really have to start with a huge apology for taking so long to update - I've lost count of the rewrites I've done of this chapter! I'm finally happy with it, and it's beta-approved, so you guys get to see what's going on next. Hopefully the next chapter will give me less trouble and be up a bit quicker :-D
Oh, and if any of you are on LJ, or just huge Sam/Gabriel fans, check out the comm I'm co-modding over there: Sabriel's Everlasting Birthday Challenge (.com/) - Sign-up, leave some prompts, claim a prompt or two if they take your fancy...just check it out guys! :-D
Now, on with the story:
"I'll need you to close your eyes."
Sam let his eyes fall shut without a second thought. No doubt he'd be getting the lecture on recklessness off Bobby later - it'd be strange to be on the receiving end of it, instead of just watching Dean or his Dad get it. Somehow Sam didn't think it would be as much fun. It would be worth it if this worked though; if it got him to Gabriel it would definitely be worth it.
"Right - now feel inside, find the spot where your connection to Gabriel feels strongest…"
A single spot?
Sam's whole body ached with Gabriel's hurt, with Gabriel's pain, with Gabriel. How was he supposed to pinpoint a single spot in all that?
"It will probably be near your chest…? Don't speak, just nod when you've found it…"
Taking a deep breath, Sam focused on the pain enveloping him. The meditation techniques he'd learned in the classes Jess had insisted he try with her a few months before Dean had turned up were finally going to come in useful, he thought with a grin.
Being careful not to lose track of the fact that the emotions surrounding and filling him were not his he let himself sink down into them, trying not to panic as they became stronger.
Hopefully the stronger they felt the closer he was to the source of them, to the Bond…
After a few moments he found what he'd been looking for - it was an almost physical thing, and now that he'd found it he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before.
Trying not to get overwhelmed by the bleak emotion surrounding and pouring from it, Sam nodded to let Aziraphale know he was ready for the next step.
"Now, I need you to picture it in your mind, like a rope, or a tunnel perhaps? Yes, like a tunnel…"
As the Angel spoke, Sam found that an image was forming itself in his head without his prompting.
"…now in a minute - not yet, when I say - you're going to follow that tunnel, and you're going to keep following it until you get to the other end."
A murky, oily sea surrounded him and for a moment Sam panicked because he couldn't breathe…
But he didn't need to breathe here, did he? His body was breathing just fine on its own; here - here he could hold his breath forever if he needed to.
Although he knew it wasn't real he shied away from the idea of breathing in the water. It was more than a sense of self-preservation - the darkness of it…the thick viscous red-black taint in the water that was so like blood and demons…
Sam suppressed a shudder.
Below him was a tunnel, the place from which the taint surged up, poisoning the space around him.
"It'll probably get harder the further you go, but whatever you do you can't lose your focus, okay Samuel?"
All at once, it dawned on Sam exactly what he was looking at. He was seeing his connection to Gabriel, the Bond between him - a tainted, weak, worthless human - and an Archangel.
He was watching as pain so strong he couldn't even begin to guess the cause flooded out from the Bond, spilling over because Gabriel had no room left for more.
*What,* he thought uneasily, *could cause someone who was no stranger to heartache so much pain?*
He wondered what the Bond ordinarily looked like – being a construct of pure Archangelic Grace, he imagined it was probably beautiful beyond human comprehension.
Right now it certainly wasn't a very pretty picture, but it was clear and easy to focus on and that was what was important by the sound of things.
As he gazed into the shadowy depths of the tunnel, trying not to let the swirl and flow of it mesmerise him, Sam nodded to show that he'd understood the instructions so far.
"Now this is going to be the tricky bit, because you won't know where Gabriel is -"
He started slightly at the flash of white, of icy cold but before he could grasp it, could figure it out, it was gone again - had it even been real? A chill wind, a bright light in the world beyond his mind, searing through closed eyelids for a fraction of a second…
"- when you get to the other end you'll need to picture yourself standing next to Gabriel. Hopefully he'll sense you and be able to help, but if he can't then try to picture him, focus only on him and let the background blur out of focus, that should do the trick. Once you've got the image in your head, put it at the end of your tunnel and walk out. Did you get all that Sam? Is there anything you need me to repeat?"
Sam quickly went through the instructions again, careful not to lose focus on his tunnel as he did so, before shaking his head softly.
He knew what he needed to do, and now? Now he knew how he could do it.
"Okay. Then in that case, good luck, my boy. If you've got your tunnel, just start walking whenever you're ready."
Without hesitation Sam dove down, swimming nervously - but determinedly - for the tunnel.
The water got thicker as he approached, until he could barely see his hand in front of his face. He swam on instinct, dragging himself through the viscous liquid in the direction of greatest resistance - *After all, this crap is coming from Gabriel - I want to go where it's coming from,* he thought, trying to ignore the slimy feel of it as it washed over his skin.
Finally he neared the tunnel entrance, but his arms ached, and his head - his head spun as he tried to hold on to the image and Sam wanted desperately to take a breath but he couldn't - not here. If he let it, the liquid, the pain, it would swallow him whole now; he would drown in it if he gave it an opening.
He wasn't strong enough to push through, he realised suddenly - Gabriel was so much stronger than him, the Archangel's control over the Bond so much greater than Sam could hope to manage on his own.
He'd gotten as far as he had because the Archangel wasn't actively projecting across the Bond but Sam needed more than his own strength to go against even this accidental overflow…
Acting on instinct, Sam reached out feeling for the bits of Grace Gabriel had left behind when he'd stitched his Soul back together. Perhaps through them, he could borrow the strength he needed from his Bond-mate.
Finding them, he focused again on the tunnel in front of him and with a brief thought - *Come on Gabe, let me through…help me through…* - tried to push forward.
A searing flash of pain ripped through him, almost breaking his focus, and Sam tried not to let his panic take over. He had to do this - he had to get to his Bond-mate.
The pain disappeared as suddenly as it came and the strength of the current went with it. It looked as thick and as steady as ever, but now Sam found himself able to propel himself forwards with ease and the darkness of the tunnel enclosed him completely.
In the blackness of the tunnel he could see nothing - he couldn't tell how fast he was moving or what progress he was making, he could only keep going forward and hope he reached the end while he still had strength left in him to finish it. His whole body ached, the power of the current seeming to grow again with every stroke; just as he began to worry that even with Gabriel's Grace aiding him he wouldn't be able to make it, he noticed the briefest of flashes of almost-white trying to break through the blackness ahead.
A few more strokes, and there it was again.
He was nearing the end of the tunnel, he realised with relief.
As the flashes grew more frequent he slowed, careful not to stop entirely, and focused on Gabriel, blocking out as best he could the darkness that surrounded him.
The snowy-white image from Gabriel's dream that presented itself was not one Sam was happy to see, but it was clear in his mind and the background blurred with ease since he'd hardly looked at it at the time anyway - he'd been more worried about the Archangel than where they were.
He allowed the image to merge with the flashes of light ahead, and swam at it with a sudden burst of speed and energy until the world around him exploded with light and his lungs heaved as he gasped for air.
His whole body burned - pain and exhaustion consumed him.
He couldn't move, even to lift his head and figure out if he was in the right place.
As his vision slowly cleared and the world dimmed to a more tolerable level, Sam blinked at the sight that greeted him - Gabriel's face, a mix of bewilderment, anger, fear, pain, and something else Sam couldn't quite put his finger on.
He briefly wished he'd thought to bring a camera - Gabriel's expression was priceless! - before he weakly mumbled what he hoped somewhat resembled a greeting and let his eyes fall closed as darkness finally overcame him and everything faded.
SPNSPNSPN
"We must talk, now."
Dean didn't even have chance to argue, to ask Cas what the hell he'd been playing at running off like that...
One minute he was in Bobby's kitchen, the next he was stood in a crumble-down old building in the middle of fuck-knows-where armed only with the silver dagger in his boot.
Not that he needed to be armed against Cas or anything but he was a hunter after all - weapons were sort of key in his line of work. If you made a habit of getting caught without, you didn't last very long.
"Where are we Cas?" Dean asked, glancing around at the overgrown brickwork and cracked floors.
"It is a small abandoned church in what you call 'New Zealand', Dean. We will be hidden from most of my Brothers here - it is a safe place for us to discuss important matters privately."
"Hold up - most of your Brothers? Who aren't we hidden from?" Dean asked before Cas could continue.
"Gabriel was able to find me here -"
So this was where Cas had run to then? The odd-couple had been scouring the Earth for him and he'd gone to New Zealand? Not exactly the first place that came to mind when Dean tried to think of somewhere to hide. Now Vegas? That was more like it - crowds to get lost in, bars to get drunk in, and all the cards he could hustle...
"- it would be unwise to assume he could not do so again if he wished."
And didn't Castiel look just thrilled about that? Obviously Dean was missing something - pissed off wasn't the standard reaction to someone saving your life, right?
"I believe he is the only one who could do so though," Castiel added after a slight pause.
"Because of the Grace thing?"
"'Grace thing'?"
"When you took off - he said he could find you because he'd 'touched your Grace' or some shit like that..."
At the look on Castiel's face, Dean found himself wishing he could take the sentence back. He wasn't sure what he'd said wrong but the Angel had tensed, his face going completely blank as he carefully controlled all emotion. It was an expression that sent chills through Dean, reminding him of the time before Cas was his Angel, back when he had demanded Dean's respect and threatened to return him to the pit. It was way past pissed off.
"He said what?"
The voice was low, cold and full of barely restrained fury. Had it been aimed at him, Dean wasn't sure he wouldn't have blanched.
"That he'd touched your Grace...is that bad?"
"It is intensely personal, and not something to be done lightly. That was not what I was referring to, however."
"Then what...?" Dean asked, confused.
"If Gabriel can now find me whenever he wishes, I am a danger to you as long as I am with you Dean."
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard dude! Not only is Gabriel currently playing nice with others, in case you hadn't noticed, but if he wanted to find us I think his Bond with Sam would make that easy regardless of your location. I don't get it Cas - most people are grateful when someone saves their life - what's your problem with Gabe?"
Castiel's whole body was tense, as though he were physically holding himself back from grabbing Dean - he certainly had the 'beat you until you see sense' look on his face at the moment.
"Why are you suddenly so eager to place your faith in him? Can you not see the risk you take in extending your trust to my Brother?"
"Risk?"
"He will abandon you, and Sam and Bobby - the minute you are no longer entertaining enough, or become too much trouble; the minute he grows bored he will leave and you will all suffer the consequences."
"He can't..." Dean paused, then continued quickly. "I mean, Sam... He can't leave him, right? This Bond shit - it's forever, right?"
"He abandoned his home, his family...his Brothers. Millions of years, and he didn't think twice about leaving me Dean - you think after a handful of meetings over a couple of years he feels he owes your brother more than he gave his own?"
"No one made him volunteer here, Cas - he came to us. He helped Sam, saved Bobby, saved you. You guys obviously have history - but if we're deciding who to trust based on past actions... Well, then we can't even trust ourselves. None of us has a stellar record for doing things right every time. We make mistakes, and then we try not to repeat them. That's how this free will thing works. You can't have it both ways - you give anyone - human, Angel or demon - a choice, and they're gonna screw up sometimes. For what he's done for us, Gabriel's earned my trust - whether you think he deserves it or not."