Summary: Serena continues to grieve for Elinor. In an effort to support her, Bernie suggests they take a trip. Just the two of them.

Notes: I know everyone's still reeling from that episode, and I know there are a ton of fics about the aftermath. Not to add to the mess, but...

The pain never lessened. Not really. Some days, she woke up and managed to go about her day without letting any tears escape. But other days, she felt as though she were barely keeping her head above water; as if she were standing still while the world continued to spin. It was the little things really. The small stuff that she'd never noticed before. A week after Elinor died, when Serena finally managed to stop crying, she drove past a bed of Lillies: Ellie's favorite flower. And just like that, she was sucked under once again; devoured by the wave of grief she was sure she'd never escape.

She wasn't sure which had been more painful: the moment Elinor's heart stopped beating, or saying goodbye to her as she was lowered into the earth. Both felt as nightmarish as ever. Serena kept thinking it was all just a dream, that she'd wake up from the terror and Elinor would be just a phone call away. But alas, after a month, it finally hit her that her daughter was gone.

Everyday, Serena stumbled across something that reminded her of Elinor: a color, a song, a sodding foodstation. There was no escaping the mourning. It wasn't until the second month that Serena allowed herself to smile once again. It wasn't a complete smile, but it was enough for her to feel a shock flow through her system. Fletch had just told some dirty joke. It wasn't even that funny, really. And yet, Serena found herself smirking slightly as she overheard the comment. Bernie had noticed this as well. She'd been keeping an eye on Serena from across the room, casually stealing a glance every few minutes. She just happened to have looked up at the right moment.

At first, she'd buried herself in her work. Everyone noticed. They watched as Serena ran herself ragged about the ward, booking surgery after surgery, hardly changing out of her scrubs. But then, after a few weeks, she relented and allowed Raf and Morven to assist.

For Serena, time was both a cruel tease and a generous gift; Elinor's had been stolen from her, but Serena's was begging to be taken advantage of. All of the milestones in Elinor's that she'd witnessed, all of the milestones she would never get to experience. Sometimes, it made Serena so angry she wanted to scream.

It was the middle of spring when Bernie asked Serena to go away with her. Just for the night. She promised to organize everything, so long as Serena wished to go. Although her first instinct was to remain at the AAU, Serena felt herself surrender to Bernie's offer.

It was a small cottage in the countryside, about 20 minutes from the nearest town and 10 from the closest neighbor. A long, gravel road wound up to the stone-house, just enough space for their rented vehicle. Serena had been watching the scenery from the window, in awe at the luscious green grass and vibrant trees. When they arrived, one corner of her mouth twitched at the gorgeous domicile.

Bernie cooked for them that evening. A nice and simple, yet still elegant, pasta with eggplant parmesan. It was, of course, accompanied by a bottle of Shiraz. They sat across from one another, shared stories about work on the few days they'd missed each other, stole glances at each other when one wasn't looking. There was a chuckle here and there, a gasp of admiration at a surgery the other had pulled off. Even bits of idle gossip made their way into the were a few pauses now and then, moments in which Bernie could feel Serena struggling to stay engaged. She sat across from the shorter woman, all of her attention focused on Serena.

"It's a good thing you're a doctor. If you stare any harder, I may get a burn." Serena's slight attempt at a joke fell flat when Bernie quickly averted her gaze. "I'm sorry," Serena murmured. "No, no, it's all right. I'm the one to apologize," Bernie sighed. She offered Serena back against the wooden chair, Serena gestured to the inside of the cottage and nodded approvingly. "It's quite beautiful, this is," she said. "If only there were homes like this in London."

Bernie rested her right hand on the crook of her left elbow. "I'm glad there aren't," she said casually. "I don't mind a rest from the city now and then. I love the quiet here."

Turning to Bernie, Serena searched the woman's eyes. "Dinner was fabulous," she said, yet another attempt to keep the mood light. "Tell me, if you can cook like this, why are you always taking me out?"

With a modest shrug, Bernie confessed, "It's a new development." When Serena tilted her head, Bernie explained, "I've been practicing. I've prepared meals for Jason a few nights when… well, it's a new hobby."

"Oh, I see," Serena said before taking another sip of wine. Although she'd taken it easy at the hospital, there were a few occasions where she got wrapped up in the work. "Right, in any case, it was delicious. My compliments to the chef," she winked as she raised her glass.

When Serena finished her wine, Bernie placed her napkin beside her plate. "Care for a walk?"

Their arms linked together, Bernie and Serena trekked gradually through the grass. The sun was just setting over the horizon, a pink glow spread across the sky. Serena's cheeks were a bit flushed from the wine, but she was still quite sober.

"Why Wales?" Serena asked suddenly as they sat at the base of a tree. The earth was cold and hard, but Bernie was soft and warm.

Her legs stretched out on front of her, one crossed over the other, Bernie looked out at the view before them. A slight breeze blew past and rustled the fringe above her eyes. "I thought it would be a nice break from it all," she said. "It was for me."

Serena peered over at her lover and cocked an eyebrow. "You've been here before?"

Bernie nodded solemnly. "A year after Charlotte was born." Her hands clasped together in her lap, she braced herself for what she was about to share with Serena. "Marcus and I, we... " The words were harder to let out than she'd imagined. It had been years since she'd told anyone. "I had a miscarriage," she finally said. "I was in-between tours. It wasn't planned. I didn't even know I was..."

A moment of silence passed between them as Serena processed Bernie's admission. "I didn't know."

Shaking her head, Bernie said, "Neither do Cam or Charlotte."

Gently, Serena reached for Bernie's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry."

Still staring at the world around her, Bernie cleared her throat. "I know it isn't the same thing and… God, I wouldn't dream of-" The words weren't coming out right, much to Bernie's frustration. She felt Serena go rigid next to her, heard the slight catch of breath. She hadn't meant to compare the two. Where Serena had given birth to, raised, and loved a child, Bernie didn't even the gender. But still, something told her Serena would still understand. "We came here after I… after it happened," Bernie picked up. "The kids stayed with Marcus's parents. I suppose he thought this would fix everything."

"And, erm, is that what you think?" Serena wondered, her voice a near whisper. Bernie shifted to look Serena in the eye. "I know it won't," she said. "The pain won't go away. Blimey, I don't know if it's supposed to." Serena swiftly flicked away a tear as it rolled down her cheek, silently rebuking herself for wavering. "It's alright, Serena. It's alright to cry. It's alright to laugh."

But Serena just shook her head. "I can't," she whimpered.

Bernie wrapped her arm around Serena and pulled her in close. When Serena tucked her head in Bernie's neck, the army medic combed the woman's brown hair tenderly. Bernie didn't say anything else. She didn't think she needed to. She sat and held Serena as Serena sobbed into her, and they stayed like that until the stars came evening, Serena fell asleep in Bernie's arms, just as she had the last few months. Her eyes were still a bit pink and there was a slight pounding in her head, but as she lay nestled in Bernie's grasp, Serena let out a long exhale before drifting off into dreamland. The sound of Bernie's heart beating served as the perfect , that night, for the first night in months, Serena slept soundly. Memories of Elinor played like a video from a projector: her first steps, her first missing tooth, her high school graduation. Even if it was just for one night, Serena got to see her daughter again.