Chapter 3

Rick pointed his flashlight towards the stone and its beam danced with Kate's around Johanna's name. It felt almost as though he was frozen, the chemicals released in a rush from his brain rendering his body fixed. He knew of her mother only from a file, only from anecdotes and old photos, but Kate had now brought him to a sacred place and a moment he'd quietly longed for, one he'd hoped she might come to trust him enough to share. The overwhelming impact of his wish's realization was something he hadn't expected, though, and he most certainly hadn't prepared to find himself face-to-face with it on that evening.

"I'm sorry, but this is going to be one of those rare moments when words fail me spectacularly," Rick said. "I didn't…" He turned back to her but couldn't see her face in the dark.

"Pull out the blankets, Castle," she said. "I'd like to sit for a bit."

Rick covered the small area of grass with the blankets, helped Kate into a comfortable position, and sat down just behind her, allowing her to remain close to her mother, giving her space to do whatever it was she needed so much to do that night. He wanted to memorize everything about it; that was his writer way, of course, but more than that, this represented one of the most guarded corners of Kate's heart and he wanted to take every part of it he could with him.

"I like the way it feels here," he said after a moment or two. "It feels peaceful and gentle."

"I like the way it feels with you here," Kate said without pause. "I don't know why it took me so long," she added, sounding regretful.

Rick understood all too well, her words resonating deeply within him. He felt so much for her that he hadn't yet shared, so much that might've gone forever unsaid had the sniper's bullet succeeded in its effort. "I'm just very happy to be here with you now," he said, touching her lower back reassuringly, "though I must admit to being a bit confused as to why we had to come tonight."

Kate rotated her body to face him, the flashlights between them casting shadows across their faces. "I talked a lot about you in my appointment today. You asked me earlier why I was quieter than usual, and that's why."

"Oh, please, you don't owe me an explanation. You're still going through a lot, Kate, and I just need to let you do that, however you need to do that."

Kate exhaled a chuckle. "Wow, kinda wish I'd recorded that," she teased before weight returned to her voice. "And I know I don't owe you, Castle, but you're a big part of all of this and there are things I do want and need to say."

"Okay," Rick said with a soft smile. "Then I'm all ears."

She plucked a blade of grass and rolled it nervously between her fingers. "Dr. Burke asked me why I thought you're still here, why you still show up every day after everything that's happened since we met," she began before a notable pause. "I don't know, Castle. I feel like all I've done is push people away, and I know I've done that with you. I just, I couldn't even answer his question." As she went on, frustration began to creep back into her voice. "I mean, Jesus, Castle, you have a family and you tried to throw yourself in front of a sniper's bullet for me. I still can't believe you did that. I can't…I never asked you for any of this: the books, my mom, taking care of me the way you have been. And you're still here."

"And I'm never going anywhere," Rick assured her with the sincerest of conviction. "No matter how hard you push, no matter how long it takes me to convince you to believe it, no matter what happens, Kate, I'm not going anywhere."

With her free hand, she stretched for his, gripping it tightly. There was so much more. "I'm so grateful for you, Rick. My mom and I are both so grateful for you. You've been a warrior for both of us and you haven't asked for anything in return."

"Well, except for some badass cop toys," he jumped in in jest.

"Right, except for those," she agreed with a giggle, looking towards her mother and then back at him. "I brought you here tonight because I wanted to tell you that I meant what I said to you that day, and I wanted my mom to be with me when I told you again. I wanted her to know that despite all the darkness that I've lived, I've also found light, and that's because of you." Her heart was pounding like a drum, but she didn't stop. "I love you, Castle. I love you, and I've loved you for a long time, and I don't want to not say it anymore."

He instantly felt as light as a feather, as though the softest breeze could send him tumbling end over end. There existed no words he'd ever written or ever could write that would sound more perfect on the air than those. "God, I love you, too," he confessed in an exhale of joy and liberation, shifting his body forward and taking her face in his hands. "I can't believe this is finally happening," he marveled. "Wait, this really happening, right? Please tell me this is real and not one of my books."

Kate pushed in and softly kissed his lips in answer.

"Definitely real," he sighed when she pulled back, letting the sensation envelop him.

"Yeah, I've never read anything that good in any of your books," she wisecracked.

"Hey, be nice, Detective, or it might not happen again."

"Is that so?" she said in suggestive tone, her fingers now laced with his.

"Okay, now, you didn't let me finish," he sputtered, caving straight away to her perceived verbal seduction. "I was going to say might not happen again...for, like, two minutes. I mean, consequences are consequences."

"Would you please shut up now and kiss me, Castle. Even my mom's getting bored waiting."

And he did.

xxxx

He drove them back to her apartment with his hand wrapped in hers the entire way, the radio muted, the evening air whistling through the just-cracked windows. Neither seemed to know what to say; there were just too many words, and yet it was the most comfortable of silences. They had no idea what came next, five minutes into the future or five weeks, but in the place of fear, there was relief and thankfulness and a palpable thrill.

"Are you coming in?" Kate asked as they stood outside her door like a pair at the end of a date.

"Yeah, sure," Rick answered with exaggerated nonchalance. "I mean, if you want me to, yeah." He hadn't wanted to leave her for a second before the night they'd just had, so there was certainly no way in hell he was going anywhere after it.

"I want you to," she said, her language purposeful and effective.

Rick used his key to let them in, and they found themselves alone in a familiar but definitively new space, freed from the confines of trepidation and uncertainty, yet sweetly bashful. "Would you like me to make you some tea?" he asked. "I can make you some tea."

"Maybe later," Kate replied, taking silent pleasure in his new state of fluster. "I think I'd like to sit for a little while. I'm kind of tired." Her physical therapy was definitely helping her strength, but she still wore out quickly, which she hated.

"Of course, sure, we can sit. I like sitting." He could hardly believe what he was saying, but he was cruelly powerless against his own idiocy.

Kate settled on the couch and he followed her lead, their bodies pressed up against each other, their breathing synced in almost romantic fashion. "You're nervous," she said, not at all a question.

His body released an unauthorized guffaw and he coughed around it awkwardly. "Nervous? What makes you say that?" The squeak in his voice only served to dig him in deeper.

"Because I know you, Castle. And because you 'like sitting'?" she air-quoted for added effect.

"There is that," he sighed, cursing himself.

"Hey, listen, there's no reason to be nervous, okay," she said, offering him her hand. "This is just me and this is just you and we're just here on this couch making out. That's all, no big deal."

"Okay, yeah," he agreed, her words too hastily processed. "Wait…" He turned his head and her eyes were on him.

"My parents won't be home for hours, Castle," she said playfully. "Now's your chance. You can think of it as research for your next book."

Rick grinned broadly. "I love it when you talk literary," he said. "But, are you sure you're not too tired?"

Kate's eyes drifted to his lips. "I don't care, Castle," she said, and their mouths met.

xxxx

Rick had carried her into the bedroom at some point and watched as she'd slept, marveling at where the day had begun and where it'd ended. His hand had been on her warm body as he'd drifted off beside her, and he'd woken the same way, as though he'd been so perfectly at peace, he hadn't moved a muscle all night. The moment his eyes opened to find her gazing back at him in the soft light of morning, the reality of all that'd happened hit him like a roaring wave.

"God, I'm never going to get used to this," he said in his gravelly morning voice.

"What?" Kate asked, drawing a fingertip down the curve of his cheek.

"Waking up to that face of yours is what. The sun doesn't stand a damn chance," he replied in a stifled stretch. "How did you sleep? You were out like a light."

She pushed herself up into a seated position and leaned back against the pillows. "Well, I'd preface this by saying don't let it go to your head, but we both know how far that'd get me: I slept better than I have in a very long time. How about you? I mean, it being a strange place for you and all."

He rolled over onto his stomach and propped his chin up on top of her thigh. "No place has ever felt less strange, Detective," he replied reverently, and she smiled, drawing a hand through his hair.

"Well, since it's Friday and I don't have therapy today, do you wanna do something with me?" she inquired hopefully, as though he didn't already spend as much of his time with her as he possibly could.

"I was thinking about that last night, actually, as you were sleeping. How would you feel about a few days at the Hamptons house with me? Would you be up for that? The weather's perfect out there this time of year, and we could just sit in the sun and listen to the waves and start this thing right, just you and me."

She tugged gently at his hair. "I think we started this thing pretty right last night, Castle. My lips are so dry, I can barely talk."

He pressed a kiss against her thigh. "Last night was perfect. I'm just feeling selfish, I guess, and I'd like you all to myself for a couple of days. I can call and get your doctor's permission, I can have a nurse on standby, whatever I need to do. I can be very persuasive."

"You can be a pain in the ass," Kate quipped.

"Potato, potahto," he retorted. "Come on, let me steal you away from all of this for the weekend. Come away with me."

"Make me some coffee and I'll consider it," she said, already feeling the warmth of the sun on her face.