Chapter 17 - From Nightmares to New Understandings

Maddy awoke soaked in sweat, and not for the first time. It had been five days since the 'Battle on the Canadian Moors,' as she and Rhydian had jokingly called it when they'd told Shan and Tom about the fight. The wolfblood girl's wounds had healed—physically. Mentally though, well, that was a breed of trauma that didn't give up the ghost so easily.

Maddy slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the hallway. It wasn't that her parents couldn't have comforted her, but she wasn't a cub anymore. She wanted to think of herself as strong, not weak. As a younger cub she used to tell them everything, but as a 16-year-old wolfblood she stubbornly wanted to fight and win some her own battles. She could be vulnerable in front of Rhydian in a way she couldn't be with Emma or Daniel.

And that was why the wolfblood girl now gingerly stepped down the staircase so as to avoid any creaking floorboards. Emma's snoring drifted to her like the fluttering wings of an obese butterfly. The clouds were thick and fog gave the night a monotonous texture. I miss the moon Maddy thought.

Rhydian lay on the living room couch dozing quietly, his face a picture of serenity that Maddy envied. She hated to wake him up, so instead she just stood there for a spell watching him. The jarring images, the hot surge of pain flooding her body as Sebastian's fangs tore through her hand—it all came rushing back. The nightmare's aftereffects clung to Maddy like curls of barbed wire.

As if he sensed her unease through some supernatural wolfblood sense, Rhydian started awake. He sat up, peering at Maddy in the near total blackness.

"Mads is that you?" The wolfblood boy's blue eyes sparked with concern as he popped off the sofa and rushed to her, gathering her up against him and fitting her flowing hair neatly under his chin. "Another nightmare, huh?" He stroked the long brown hair that was the perfect complement to her warm brown eyes. He hated to see pain in them like he did now as he forced her chin up, studying her delicate face.

"Four nights out of five," Maddy joked. "And the nightmares have it by a landslide…."

He caressed her cheeks, smiling sadly. "On the upside, at least with all these sleepless nights your parents are letting me stay over, to be here for you…."

Maddy looked up at him shyly. "I'm sorry to be such a problem. It shouldn't be like this. You were there too. Your wolf fought just as ferociously as mine did. Why do I have to be like this? To be so weak…."

Rhydian shook his head fiercely and kissed Maddy tenderly on the brow. "Don't you even think that! Each person responds differently to something as messed up as what we went through. Mads, you were a hero out there. You took on Sebastian to save your mum! You should be proud of yourself." His fingers trailed through her silky hair, making Maddy purr softly as she melted deeper into his arms. "Give it time. You'll see. These nightmares won't last. You're stronger than you think. In fact, you're the bravest girl I know."

A stray tear slipped down Maddy's cheek. "You're too good to me," she sniffed. Their lips met as he cradled her head. The intoxicating mixture of touch, scent, and body heat chased away the anxieties from Maddy's mind.

When they finally broke the kiss Maddy's eyes tightened.

"What about you? You haven't said anything since visiting your mum yesterday."

She'd said the wrong thing. Immediately Rhydian disengaged and paced over to the bay windows. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his back to her as he stared at the fog-wrapped night.

"Rhydian?" Maddy came up beside him, sliding her arm around his waist for a change. The veins in his wrists stood out, midnight blue to black. She reached up with her other hand to rub his chest, to distract him with her touch, but even that had no effect as his heart rate continued to soar.

"I have an idea," she said softly. "Let's do what you taught me, when the wolf is restless or angry…come on." She tugged him out the front door. "Hilltop?"

Rhydian nodded reluctantly, and the two vanished into the fog. They ran towards Hilltop, the highest point near Swan Hill. They ran in human form but beyond human abilities. As she ran using only her keen wolfblood senses to keep her from tripping or running smack into the trunk of a tree, Maddy felt a heady mixture of adrenaline overcome any worry for the perils.

Mum and dad would not be happy about this she thought fleetingly. But clearly Rhydian needed this—his wolf needed this. Within maybe 45 minutes they had reached the top, and Maddy found her hopes hadn't been for nothing. The tall outcropping stood clear of the fog, and from here she and Rhydian could look up at the unobscured moon, a beautiful otherworldly bauble in the sky.

Maddy clasped Rhydian's hand.

"We should come up here more often, yeah?" She squeezed his hand. He was coming out of the worst of his anger, and she let out a secret little sigh.

"This was exactly what I needed, Mads. Thank you." He turned to her, his blue eyes almost back to normal…still troubled, but at least blue instead of yellow-tinged.

"So…want to tell me about your mum? Has she been all right staying with the Gaines pack until she figures out what she wants to do?" Maddy tried to prod gently. He ignored the questions, examining the stars as if they held all the answers. Maddy may have been a wolfblood, but she could be like a dog with a bone if you tried to ignore her.

She swiveled to face him, blocking out his view. "Shall we try this again? When someone asks you a question, it's polite to answer. When your girlfriend asks you a question—"

"I'm required to answer, yes, I know," Rhydian groaned. Pain still shone in his eyes like bits of broken glass. "It's hard, Mads. She made the right choice only at the last possible moment. My mum indirectly almost got you and your mum killed, Mads! I can't just let that go."

Maddy kissed the corner of his mouth, the side of his face, her hands rubbing his shoulders. "No one's asking you to, Rhydian."

"She's my mum, though! It feels wrong to hate her. All I feel towards her right now is just this pure rage. She's failed me before, but never like this. Never has she put everyone I love in so much danger." Rhydian's eyes looked moist, but he held it at bay.

The wolfblood girl sat down on a comfortably-shaped boulder and patted the spot beside her.

"Come sit." Rhydian reluctantly did, shifting as Maddy made him swivel so that they were facing again. "Tell me the good things first off. It can't all have been bad. When you went to talk to your mum yesterday, it can't all have been a disaster….?"

Rhydian shrugged. "Bryn is doing well. He wanted to stay with another pack back in England. He's happy, and I'm glad for him. He's probably better off without her anyway."

When Rhydian glanced away Maddy saw all the pain and the hurt twisted up inside of him and just leaking at the edges. She wished she could comfort him but she didn't know how to fix this. She couldn't begin to—until her idea struck.

"Look, Rhydian, I think you need to acknowledge that your mum got in over her head. She didn't know how awful Sebastian was until it was too late. She made the right choice in the end, she stood up for you. For us."

"Stop making excuses for her!" Rhydian sprang up, pacing dangerously close to the very edge of Hilltop's cliff face.

"Rhydian!" Maddy's stomach heaved as Rhydian stumbled over the edge of the precipice. She was there just in time, dragging him back down on top of her. Their breaths mingled in the cold night air as she lay like a flattened pancake underneath his bulky male form.

"Mads!" Concern had replaced Rhydian's moodiness as he helped her up and checked her over, guilt written all over his face.

"I'm fine. Now, stop being difficult and tell me more about your visit with your mum."

"I'm sorry, I just don't see a clear answer. She's finally gotten to the point where she fully accepts that you're part of my life, Mads. She knows how much I care about you and she knows that's not changing."

Maddy nodded, stroking the side of Rhydian's face. "So. See? There is hope."

Rhydian gave her a miserable look. "No, that's just it Mads. It's false hope. She still stubbornly sees all 'tames' like you and your family as inferior. She's willing to put up with you because she knows I love you, but she hasn't really learned anything! She hasn't really changed." Rhydian let out a half-growl of frustration that echoed off the cliffs. "If there was something I could do to make her see, if there was anything at all I could do besides feel absolutely nothing in common with the woman who gave me life, Maddy, then I'd do it—in a heartbeat."

The idea in Maddy's mind intensified. She took her boyfriend's hand and pressed it softly to her chest.

"I've always trusted you with my heart, Rhydian, because I know that you're a good and decent person. I sensed that even on that first day when I met you, forlorn and lost, just a wolf alone. Even then, you were better off than you are now, if you give in to feeling this festering hate for your mum. Despising Ceri isn't going to accomplish anything, Rhydian. She's your mum and yeah, she's not perfect"—Rhydian glared—"OK, far from it!" Maddy conceded. "But she's the only mum you've got and she cares for you in her own misguided way."

Maddy took a breath, trying a different tactic. "If she's learned to accept me, even 'put up with me' as you say, then that is change. You can't force someone to change and you also can't force someone to change at your pace. Maybe you don't want to give Ceri any credit for the good intentions she's had or the good things she's done because it's easier to just hate her—to have this boundary so you don't have to deal with the complexity of what she is."

Rhydian sighed, dipping his head down to stare at the ground. When he finally looked up, there was this resigned stoop to his shoulders. "Maybe you're right. I see you with your parents. You've got the ideal, Maddy. Your parents obviously love and support you and make the right decisions by you. Sometimes I so yearn for that. I mean I know your parents treat me like a son and one of their own, but I yearn for that. I guess I see all of my mum's mistakes, and they just look intensified times ten when I compare her to your parents."

He looked away miserably, but Maddy felt only hope. She ruffled his hair with a smile and gave him a firm kiss.

"What was that for?"

"That was for admitting the truth." She beamed at him. "Now I think you know what needs to be done." When he didn't respond, giving her this perplexed stare, she made a shooing gesture with her hand. "Go to her, Rhydian. Go spend some time with your mum. Go to Coopston and take as long as you need to work out some of your differences. You may not magically fix everything that stands between you, but it'll surely help. I think you'll only regret it if you let this thing fester. You need to forgive Ceri—and not for her sake, Rhydian, but for yours."

Satisfied with her little speech Maddy folded her arms and tried to give him her sternest You know I'm right look.

It worked.

"OK. I'll take your advice. I'll…I'll go stay with her for a while. You're sure your parents can work things out with the school?"

"Don't worry about it. They'll figure something out. Now stop wasting time." Rhydian enfolded Maddy's slender figure, enveloping her with his scent as he kissed her with all the passion goodbyes required.

"Mads, I'll be back as soon as I can. You know that."

Maddy pretended she didn't have the urge to cry. Sometimes to show someone you really loved them, you had to let them go. She knew it wouldn't be forever, and she just felt somehow that if Rhydian didn't start to mend the rift with Ceri now, it might never mend.

"It's all right, Rhydian. I'll be fine until you get back. I'm a big girl."

"You're my girl," he corrected, nuzzling her face and tracing kisses down her neck. Maddy sighed, tears streaking down her cheeks before she could stop them. Damn it, Maddy, don't you dare cry. Don't you dare make this harder for him! He has to do this, so behave! She turned away, refusing to let him see her tears.

"Go. I mean it!" she insisted. He turned and vanished, the fog swallowing him up. She stood there letting the tears flow and berating herself all the while.

Why am I such rubbish at goodbyes? It's not like he's going away forever. But her wounded heart didn't seem to care, crying out in anguish all the same. She turned to make the long trek home. She didn't feel like running. Her dejected wolf barely stirred. A listless sadness was ready to settle in. Just as she was about to find the path down the slope, though, a face suddenly appeared from the fog. A handsome face with a smirk that always lifted up her spirits.

"Rhydian! I thought you left." Rhydian collided into her, sweeping her off her feet. He grinned as he swung her in a wide circle, staring at her so lovingly.

"I did leave. I had to come back though. I had one more question for you before I go."

He paused, as if debating whether he had the strength or courage to ask it. "Will you come with me? I know your parents won't be happy about it, but I'm asking anyway."

Her heart stopped and Maddy swiped away her tears, noticing that Rhydian's face sported a few of his own. She'd seldom done anything this impulsive in her life. Running away with Rhydian for a few days to work things out with Ceri was definitely falling under that category. Emma and Daniel would be furious. It was reckless. Ill-advised. She could think of other words her mum would use.

And yet….

"Yes, Rhydian. My answer's yes."

As Rhydian set her gently on her feet the wolfblood couple entwined fingers and fled into the night towards the unknown.

Thanks to everyone who read or enjoyed my Maddian story and my first real effort at a fanfic, especially to all you amazing people who gave me helpful comments and those nudges of encouragement - I'm very grateful. This is the end of Wolf Bond but there will be a sequel. I love the world of wolfblood too much to let it sit idle for too long….

I may also start working on some other shorter wolfblood fanfics, so please if you like what you've seen keep tabs on me and I'll promise to give you some fun stories in the near future.

Humbly yours,

~Jkirsch