Matrinails 21
Road to Ostagar.
(Small spots lay on some parts of the page that appear to have been from tears fallen onto the paper, smearing a bit of ink in a few places.)
Dear Falon,
I haven't any idea where to begin. It started two days ago. News was sent to my father that the king needed him and our men to go to Ostagar so we called upon Arl Howe, the arl of Amaranthine, to come with us. I had begged father to let me come with him, but he refused and I was to take care of mother and everyone else and the castle while they were away. Howe's men were delayed so my father stayed the night at the castle to wait for the rest of the men and leave on the morrow. But I also got to meet a Grey Warden. An actual Grey Warden! His name is Duncan, and he is the Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. The best part is he knows how to sign as well as I do! It was so fascinating to be able to "Talk" to someone other than my family. It felt wonderful to have someone finally understand me.
Anyway, Fergus left with the men while we were left behind. That night Howe's men attacked us. Can you believe it?! A man I grew up around; a man I was inspired by; a friend and someone I considered family! I was awake when the attack started. I was in my room, working on a story when Chaka began growling at my door. At first I'd thought there were more rats from earlier that day. And then man broke through my door, sword in hand with two other men behind him. I lunged for the dagger on my dresser and fought the man. I guess he didn't think a noble man's sweet heart in a thin shift would take him down. Maker, he was wrong. Chaka took out the archer that was outside the doorway. I quickly threw on my armor and grabbed my weapons and charged out to fight two more trying to get their way into my parents' bedroom.
Mother came out when I was done fighting wearing her old leather armor and bow. When we found out it was Howe's men that attacked us, we knew we needed to move quickly. I quickly ran to my room and grabbed a pack that I'd filled with potions, salves, bandages and two extra daggers. This I've been keeping for years in case a situation such as this occurred. To think that I thought I'd never use it. I also decided to stuff this journal into my pack. A piece of home wherever I go, so to think. After I'd switched on of my daggers to the Highever blade my parents gave me, I was ready to go. If these bastards were to die, they would die by a Cousland blade.
What I must tell you next shatters my heart to pieces. I went into Fergus's room to find his wife and son. And I did . . . dead in pools of their own blood. Oren had his wooden sword in his hand, almost as if he'd been trying to fight off his attackers. Maker forgive me, I failed them. I did not protect them when it was my duty to. I wanted to join my mother in weeping, but I could not. It was not the time. I grabbed my mother and took off down the hall.
We ran though the castle to find father, hoping he would be at the front gates. We were wrong. Sir Gilmore was there with some of our guards fighting off more of Howe's men. When the last of Howe's men were slain, Gilmore sent the soldiers to hold the gates to stall more of Howe's men from getting in. Gilmore asked if we'd been hurt, and despite a cut on my arm and a couple of bruises that might give off awful colors, I was fine, as was mother. Gilmore told us father had been wounded and went to the servants' entrance in the larder to find us. I begged Gilmore to come with us, the man had been like another brother to me. But he refused. He needed to hold the gates. The man knew me well, and so he would not give me the time to beg even more for him to come.
And so we left him behind so he could hold off the soldiers so we could survive.
Once we'd fought our way to the larder we found my father, and he seemed more wounded than Gilmore made it out to be. He was barely alive, covered in blood that could only be his, and practically dying in front of me. What do you do in a situation such as that? He tried to make us leave; saying that the castle was surrounded and he would surely die in our escape and slow us down. That's when Duncan showed up.
My father begged him to take mother and me away to safety and he agreed on one condition: that I became a Grey Warden. Funny, how I would have done anything to become one not but a few hours before all this. But there . . . I wanted to be with my family. Mother also refused to go and wished to stay behind with my dying father. I too wanted to stay; it was my place to be with my family. But Duncan, literally, dragged me out while I kicked at him to let me go. I probably would have yelled my head off had I been able to speak. I wanted to die with them. Duncan hit me upside the head with his fist and knocked me out. The last words I heard from my parents were "Goodbye, darling." And then darkness.
They were gone.
I wasn't sure how long I was out but I woke, lying over his shoulder as he walked. I could smell something burning a distance off, but I could tell what it was. When I finally came to Chaka barked. I hadn't even noticed he'd followed, but I was relieved. I think I'd lost enough without losing my friend. Duncan stopped and set me down. When I asked where we were he replied that we were in the forest near my home. I was surprised. This forest was a mile or two away from the castle, and we looked far in it. But at least we were now a distance away from my now burning home. I wanted to cry, but I held it back.
After walking for another hour or so, Duncan made a fire and told me to rest. Rest? How could I rest when all of this was happening? I never did sleep that night. The next day we traveled some more and encountered some travelers that we were able to trade with. I was able to get a bedroll, but that was it. I really didn't need anything else.
We traveled without conversation. Which was fine by me. I lived my life in silence. This was welcoming. Gave me time to think. I knew that is this was any other time I would have squished him under the weight of questions about the Grey Wardens and their history. But I guess I could not find any "words to say". I finally asked him later on if he had ink and a quill so I may write. He did and asked if I was writing a letter to Fergus. When I replied that it was a letter but not for Fergus and I didn't want to say, he did not pry. I know we will be at Ostagar in about five days, three if we're fast, and I hope I will be able to write to you then. I am glad I was able to tell this to someone, especially you Falon. I only hope things get better. But, strongly I fell as though things can only get worse.
Yours, Vercy.