Matrinails 24

Ostagar

Dear Falon,

We arrived at Ostagar today. I even met the king. He seems more over confident than what I'd heard from father. He talked about how he does not believe this is a true Blight, since they have not seen the archdemon . . . yet. I learned the Redcliff forces were to arrive soon and I began thinking: how big in the Makers name does this army have to be? After our encounter with the king, Duncan explained to me that we needed to begin preparations for the Joining ritual. I wasn't sure what this would be like, this ritual. And so, Duncan sent me to find another Grey Warden by the name of Alistair.

I have no idea how long I can last without passing out. I have not slept since Highever. But I will remain strong for as long as needed. I walked through the camp, finding the other two recruits: Sir Jory was a knight from Redcliff and Davath was from Denerim, who shamelessly flirted with me. I was finally able to find Alistair within the ruins arguing with a mage. When the mage left, furiously I might add, Alistair turned to me and said "you know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." I made a small smile at this, but that was it.

Our conversation was a bit awkward at first, but once he realized I could not talk he told me he knew some sign, from what Duncan had taught him. So, our conversation was not so once-sided now that he understood my questions and responses.

We "talked" a bit and I got to know more about the Grey Wardens, Duncan, and the upcoming battle. Once he figured we'd spent enough time talking he lead me back to Duncan, where Jory and Davath were also waiting. Duncan gave us the task of retrieving three vials of darkspawn blood for the ritual and old treaties. After he gave each of us a vial, the four of us were sent out.

The Wilds were darkened by trees and the setting sun. Most was quiet, much too quiet for a forest. It wasn't long before we encountered wolves. Not hard to fight, but dangerous still. As we continued, we found an injured soldier whose group was attacked by darkspawn. Which of course, after helping him get bandaged, cause Jory to freak. Some soldier. I understand being cautious and wary, but he was just a coward.

I am not afraid to die. If I do, I am with my family once again. If I don't, I will avenge them. Simple as that.

If he lives, he can make life better for his family, and should he die, we know he at least tried to do what was right.

It was not long after that we encountered the darkspawn. Falon, there are no words to truly describe the creatures. They looked and smelled of rotten flesh; their eyes black as a starless night; armor from people they've no doubt killed or made horribly. I noticed after we killed them that even their blood was black. Black as their sin, from what I recall from the Chant. I cannot believe that before all I wanted to do was be a Grey Warden and fight these things. Maker, I was sheltered more than I thought.

We continued on through the forest, fighting the darkspawn, beating their attempts of ambush and eventually came to the ruin were the treaties should have been. Only . . . they weren't there. Before we could have the time to panic and ask questions a woman appeared. By the looks of her she was a native of the wilds. Her hair dark like night and her eyes a gleaming yellow, or golden; clothes were made from other cloths stitched together that barely covered . . . some upper body parts. She claimed us to be scavengers or intruders of her wilds and the ruins. I, being the only one that was willing to work things out, had Alistair translate a reply for me, saying we were looking for the treaties.

Alistair did nothing to hide his discomfort with her, and Davath and Jory were surely frightened, calling her "The Witch of the Wilds." She was more interested in me than them, since I really did not fear her like they did. She asked me my name and, after much protest from Alistair, he/I told her. She replied her name was Morrigan.

I know that had this been any other time I would have hounded her with questions of her magic and living in the woods. But my only question (thanks to Alistair's translation) was asking where the treaties were. And when she replied it was her mother, I asked if she could take us to her. We she agreed to my "Sensible request" Alistair commented that we should be careful or else "Zap! Frog time."

I wonder what that feels like.

She led us to her mother's hut and the mother was not hesitant to hand them over. She then had gone on to advise us to "believe what we will." Before we left she told us to inform those at Ostagar that "this Blights' threat is greater than they realize." Such an odd woman if you ask me. I haven't any idea what she means. But then again, I wasn't very inclined to ask. Morrigan led us back to camp where we would then begin this strange Joining.

After we gave Duncan the vials of blood he ordered Alistair to take us to the old temple. I couldn't help but notice the strange look on his face as he led us there. 'Is there more to this Joining than we were led to believe?' I wondered. My heart pounded so loudly that I couldn't hear Jory or Davath arguing. I stared at the ground and I believe Alistair noticed. He came to me and asked if I was okay. I just looked at him. Blue met hazel and I hesitantly asked "Can this Joining kill us?" He took a while to answer, as if deciding whether to lie or not, the he whispered "yes." My heart skipped a beat and I looked at him in shock. I thought 'Had I really come all this way, after so much pain and despair that I have yet to get over and cheat death, only to meet my doom not too long later?' When my heart beat went back on track I felt it sink.

Then Duncan came in with a cup full of the blood we collected. He informed us that during the first Blight, the first Grey Wardens drank darkspawn blood to master its taint in order to defeat the Blight; some died from this but those who lived mastered the taint were forever changed. This reminded me a bit of stories of warriors who would drink dragon's blood in order to gain strength and power from it. But this . . . Maker, it's from darkspawn! He then had Alistair speak the words of the Joining. Words I can clearly remember:

"Join us, brothers and sisters.
Join us in the shadows were we stand, vigilant.
Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn.
And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten.
And that one day, we shall join you."

Davath was the first. It was such a horrible sight, Falon. When he drank the blood he began gagging and gasping; his hands clutching at his throat, screaming so horribly I began to tremble and tears fell from my eyes. I turned and looked away from the sight. When he became quiet I turned back to see him dead on his belly, Duncan leaning over his, closing his eyes as he whispered "I am sorry, Davath." Then it was Jory's turn. Or it was supposed to be. He refused, backing away while drawing his sword, claiming he had a wife and child; that there was no "glory" in this. I shut my eyes form the sight as Duncan handed the goblet to Alistair, who did nothing from stopping Duncan from drawing his dagger. I could hear the clanging or the swords against each other. Jory lost the battle . . . and his life.

Maker, why must there be so much death?!

It was then my turn. I was about to refuse, but a glance at Jory's body warned me otherwise. Alistair took my hand and gave me a reassuring, and hopeful, look. Sucking in breath, I reached for the goblet and drank the blood. At first I felt nothing other than the fowl taste in my mouth. Then it was as if someone had poured fire in my veins, flowing throughout my body. I blinked and I saw nothing but darkness. Then there was this flash of light and a dragon appeared, breathing blue fire and shouting in some strange language.

Then nothing.

When I opened my eyes Duncan and Alistair were kneeling beside me, smiles one both their faces and welcoming me into the Grey Wardens. They helped me up, steading my on my feet, as I was still dizzy. Duncan told me I should rest and pointed out a tent that he said was now mine. He then had to take his leave to meet with the king, so I was left standing there with Alistair. He walked me to my tent to make sure I wouldn't fall over or get sick, which I was thankful for. When I got there my faithful hound was resting in front of the tent. I was glad to get some rest. I couldn't help feeling like I wanted to throw up. And so I did, when Alistair left me, the events of the past week catching up to me.

Chacka waited patiently for me to finish, then licked my face while whining. Chacka let me hold onto him as he led me into the tent. When I was finally in the solitude of my tent I downed my water flask, removed my armor, and began writing to you. It has been such a long day. Maker only knows what will come next.

I can't even describe the pain I still feel for my family. I've lost so much. People normally need to lose to gain. But what have I gained from losing my home, my family, my life? Everything I had held so dear. I feel that there is nothing left for me. I want it all back! The only thing that is keeping me going is my want for Howe's blood. But then what? Where does that path lead me?

Now is when I decide to take my dagger and slide it across my hand. Not for the pain, not for the loss, but to remember why I'm still here. Why I'm still alive and why I should fight to stay alive. My family will be avenged, even until my last breath. I will kill Howe. I will make him suffer, just as I have suffered. He will die like the dog he is.

Yours, Versy.