Matrinalis 25

Dear Falon,

I woke this morning and the death of my family instantly struck me. I stayed in my tent, clutching at Chacka's fur while I let silent tears fall. After a few minutes of that I crawled out of my tent and washed my face in a creek adjacent to the tents. After that I desolately went to the center fire and saw that Alistair was there. He smiled at me and I did back, though I knew too well that it did not reach my eyes He did too. When I sat beside him he asked what was wrong. I replied that I was fine but he did not believe me, though he did not pry. We ate some dried meat and offered me cheese. I couldn't help but smile, claiming that I love cheese. He laughed at me and said that he did too.

After we ate he took me on a tour around the fortress. Oh Falon, if onlyyou could see how beautiful and majestic it is. How the sun makes it gleam! People scatter around taking care of duties. It is so busy here with the upcoming battle. Priests pray with the soldiers, warriors spare, elves ran about carrying their master's orders but I have yet to meet another Grey Warden. I believe most were in the army's camp.

Chacka followed at my heels all day, giving glances at Alistair and, when Alistair stumbled too close to me, he growls at him. Even when I tell him to stop and be nice he still keeps an eye on him.

My ever faithful and protective companion.

Alistair and I shared a few conversations, with me signing slowly, as he did not know enough to understand my flying hands. He asked how I became a Grey Warden and I hesitated. Should I tell him? I decided not to and told him that Duncan found me in Highever, fighting some men and was amazed at my skill. He asked of my parents' permission and they agreed. He looked at my curiously but accepted it, thank the Maker. I didn't lie . . . I just didn't tell him everything or elaborate. But I will tell him when I am ready. Now is much too soon. And I don't know who to trust anymore.

I asked Alistair to tell me about himself. He explained that he was training to be a Templar when Duncan found him and recruited him (or "rescued" him, as he liked to say). That was six months ago. He said he was the son of a servant girl in Redcliff castle. When I asked about his father he said he died before he was born. I feel so bad for him. Having no parents and spending most of his time in the Chantry? Maker, I couldn't help but feel bad. I "said" I was sorry for him but he told me I didn't need to worry.

He said he was happy to be a Warden. I smiled and looked into his eyes and, Maker, how they sparkled. I then blushed and looked away. Why would I do such a thing? I'm not sure . . . perhaps it is pity. Darn my sensitive sympathy!

He asked about me once we were done talking about him. I "said" I told him already, but he wanted to know more. I simply told him I was not like other girls. Instead of looks I chose books. Instead of gossip, I made stories. Instead of dresses, I chose armor. I hate wearing those things. They're so tight! Pretty, but tight. And the shoes! Nothing but feet traps that provide blisters. Alistair laughed as I told him all this.

I met a mage later on. Wynne, I believe her name was. She was very nice to me and Alistair. We talked a bit (meaning Alistair translated) then continued on. I didn't see Duncan, or Loghain, so I assumed they were making battle strategies.

It was later when Alistair said I should return to my tent to rest for the battle. I was confused at first but then realized he day was nearly gone. We ate dinner, which included more cheese and meat then went off to bed for an hour rest, so this is why I am writing to you, while I have the chance.

Tell me, Falon, is it bad that I have just lost everything I held dear, only to smile and laugh days later? That I left my parents to a fate in which I knew they would receive no mercy? I feel so rotten inside. I promised I would rather die for my family, or with them. Why did I not do this? I abandoned them. Sweet Andrastae, please help me through this.

On to different thoughts, I hope the battle goes well. I wonder what will happen. May our king Cailan lead us to victory in the coming battle.

Yours, Vercy.