Chapter 12

Matrinalis 31

Road to Redcliff

Dear Falon,

So now our plan is made to go to Redcliff first. Upon hearing about the arl being ill Alistair grows concerned. I needed no persuasion to head there first from him.

Sten took the rear as we traveled, Leliana piped up a conversation with Morrigan, surprisingly without her becoming a toad, so I decided to talk to Alistair. I asked him about his life. He told me he was the son of a servant girl in Redcliff castle, who died giving birth to him. Arl Eamon, the arl of Redcliff, took him in and raised him until he was about ten and sent him off to the chantry by Lady Isolde, the arl's wife because she thought he was secretly his son. Bitch. I feel horrible for him, and told him this; He seemed a bit taken aback by it.

That's when he took me farther up the rode and told me who his father was. King Maric. The former king of Ferelden! I was both shocked and angry by this. But he quickly explained that he did not want the throne and that anyone who knew either resented him or coddled him. I guess I could understand that, it happened often to me too. And felt like you were either unwanted or too wanted . . . all the time. One time, when I was about fifteen, I was sneaking around the castle after dark and decided to listen in on a meeting with my parents and some other nobles. I heard, from these nobles about how I was an "issue." I very well get I was difficult growing up, but I kept listening only to hear them go on about me.

They said they wondered how I would be their daughter, with the way I acted. Even though they treated me as a noble daughter should be, I was mostly being controlled, not like that actually stopped me, and was told such hurtful words. This wasn't even completely due to my muteness. I did have behavior issues growing up, though looking back, I suppose some of it was due to my "problem". I had no friends at Highever, as no one really knew how to communicate with me. And the people who tried to be my friends did it out of sympathy.

That was probably why I was never close to my parents, and also Fergus, for I feared he thought the same. When I was much younger, I also spied on my parents while they were in their room and they talked about ways they could send me off to some other place. Of course they didn't, but it still hurt they considered it.

As I thought about this tears welled in my eyes. I remember I cried many nights at the thought of it all. I never really slept anyway, I refused to. It was only at night my stories truly came to me; when they would just… come alive. Alistair noticed my teary eyes and hugged me. He did not ask why I was like this. I made him let me go and told him not to do so in front of the others. Kindly, if I might add. He nodded and we walked on.

We stopped at a clearing and went into our new nightly rituals. Alistair kept watch first. I wrote much of this letter before going out to him. He smiled warmly as I approached. I sat next to him and we watched the flames of the fire dance. Finally, he asked me about why I seemed I was going to cry. I rested my head on his shoulder but, somehow, I ended in his arms as I broke out crying. I cried for my parents. These thoughts I had today . . . I did not hate my parents. Yes I was angry, but I know they just wanted to help me.

He held me without complaint. Somehow it felt… right being in his arms. I can't even explain it. When I calmed he took me to my tent as Leliana woke for her watch. I don't think he even cared that I didn't tell him. He laid me down and tucked me in bed me and said "goodnight" and left. I did not mind, it felt good to be alone again.

I find it odd how I allow myself to do these things with and around him, such as crying and take comfort in his embrace. I feel . . . safe around him and—No! I will not allow myself to be drawn into a game my parents so desperately wanted me to play. A game of marriage and hurt that will come later. But, I'm not marrying Alistair. Ugh! I don't have any idea what to do. I know what this is. I am probably just "turned on" by him, is all. No, starting tomorrow all this will be just a friend relationship and I will treat him as a brother and he will me a sister.

At any rate, tomorrow begins the new month, Parvulis.

Yours, Vercy