AN: Posting this early because I'm sick and I want to sleep lots and wake up to some nice reviews...which I might not get because you're gonna hate me a tiny bit after this chapter... One more to go after this! Thanks ever so much to corelliansmuggler who helped me out with Leia's characterization!

The Next Morning

August, 1966

Leia woke up very confused about her whereabouts for a brief moment before an arm shifted across her stomach. She was with Han, in his bed. The events of the previous day—and night—came back to haunt her. The little digital clock said it was almost 6 am, so Leia slipped out of Han's embrace and into the bathroom down the hall. She readied for the day, dressing in the clothes that Jen had brought the night before. She made coffee in the percolator and found some bread for toast.

How could you have done this? Shown him all your weak spots in one day? Breaking down on him at the senate office, clinging to him like he was the only solid thing in the world. She'd spilled practically her entire life story to him just because it felt nice to have someone there to listen. She'd never told that story in its entirety to any single person in her whole life, not Shara, not Jen, not even her brother. Later, they'd talked for hours about her childhood, her school days in New York, how she'd come to be so dedicated to her career.

And then she'd woken up screaming at 2 am, crying for her Daddy.

Somehow, thinking and talking about those events had changed her dream, made it terrifying and all too real.

Han had been good about it, considering the circumstances. He hadn't told her to be quiet or that it was all okay; he'd just held her, grounded her, while the cries gave way to sobs and then to exhausted, fitful slumber.

She'd cried in front of him three times in one day, and Leia Organa did not cry. She'd sought comfort in his embrace all evening, something she'd been craving but avoiding ever since they met. It had somehow felt liberating at the time, like the door to her mental jail swinging open. But the nightmare had made her realize that the door could stand open for years and it wouldn't matter: she was shackled to those memories like they were a brick wall, chained to the worst day of her life inside her own head. The happiness she had with Han last night was lying just out of reach.

Han had emptied his pants pockets onto the little kitchen table the night before. Amid his keys, wallet, and loose change was the picture of him and Mazie. The smile on his face in the photograph warmed her heart for a moment before the blackness crept in. All she could see now was Han's terrified expression as he held her face between her hands in the parking lot of the senate building. He'd looked so worried, so concerned about her, so far removed from the peace in the photograph. And the horror in his eyes when she'd woken up after her nightmare, too…the same fear and concern had darkened his handsome face as he assured her it was just a dream.

Leia glanced again at the photograph. She hated being the reason that he wasn't smiling. She hated thinking that something might happen to him. Her stomach churned.

She was getting too close to this man, and that was not acceptable.

Leia felt the uncomfortable but familiar ache in her chest: the feeling that she was losing another part of herself.

00

Han rolled over, his hand sweeping the opposite side of the bed. He was eagerly awaiting the reappearance of Adorable Leia and hoped the nightmare hadn't sent her into hiding. It had been absolutely terrifying to wake up to someone screaming at the top of their lungs when he was so used to sleeping alone, but she'd turned to him for comfort, and there was no way in hell he wasn't going to give it to her.

Han sat up and ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out where she might be. He pulled on his robe and went to the kitchen to start some coffee. Leia was sitting at the table, fully dressed and made up, eating toast and reading the paper. He could tell from the expression on her face that she was back to business. He pressed a kiss into her temple and she flinched.

"Mornin'. Didn't mean to startle you." Han poured himself some coffee and read the headlines over her shoulder.

"They made an arrest last night. In the bombing. He claims he worked alone and confirmed it was linked to the civil rights vote."

"Some people…I just don't understand. I'm glad they got him. I'm going to take a quick shower," he added.

She was gone when he got out.

00

Leia worked all day and long into the evening, crossing her threshold no earlier than 7:30. She grabbed her sandals and set out towards the park, hoping a quick walk in the summer air would help her clear her head. She wasn't terribly surprised when a big dog ran past her and his master fell into step beside her a moment later.

"What the hell was that this morning?" he asked quietly.

"I had a nightmare, Han. I have them all-"

"Not that. Why did you leave?"

"It's complicated."

"Well, would you mind at least trying to explain it to me? I know I'm not as smart as some of the people you brush elbows with, but I think I can understand it if you don't use too many big words," he shot back. She looked at him, clearly stung.

"Stop being ridiculous, Han."

"I'm being ridiculous? I am just trying to understand what the hell is goin' on here! Yesterday, you begged me to take you home with me and hold you all afternoon. Last night, you told me you didn't want to be alone. You woke up in the middle of the night, screamin' for all you're worth, and you held on to me like you're about to fall off a cliff and I was the only thing sturdy enough to keep you from goin' over. Then this morning, you decide we're gonna go back to the way things were six months ago?"

"Han, yesterday scared me. Everything about it. I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"That's fine. Just tell me what you need."

"I need?" He nodded.

She needed to laugh till her sides ached and tears streamed from her eyes. She needed to see her daddy again to tell him she loved him. She needed to be held every night for the rest of her life by someone who cared for her, loved her. But most of all, she needed keep from completely falling apart, and doing that meant cutting off anything that didn't push her forward.

"I need?" she repeated. He nodded again. "Well…this bill to pass, for one thing. I need for my mother-" Han cut her off.

"No. Don't tell me what the country needs or what your office needs or what your family needs. What do you need?"

"I…don't know. I don't know what you're talking about."

"No, you probably don't. You've been so busy taking care of other people that you forgot how to take care of you!" he exclaimed.

"I can't do this right now."

"Do what? Admit the way you feel about me? You are allowed to be human, Leia! You can be happy or scared or sad, and none of that means you're not the strongest damn human on the planet." He moved to hug her, but she put her hand on his chest and held him at arm's length. "Don't do this to me, Leia. Don't lock me away with all the other stuff that you can't deal with right now," he pleaded. Warning sirens started going off in Leia's head. Somehow, he'd figured out that her defense mechanisms were denial and avoidance and that she'd gotten to be an expert at them over the past few years.

"I can't…I don't know how," Leia muttered. Han tried to touch her arm, but she stiffened at the contact. '24 hours ago, you were boneless in this man's arms. What's changed since then?' she asked herself. The answer came at once but wasn't easy. 'I have. I've changed.' "Why are you doing this, Han? Why are you with me? You've seen what a mess I am and you're still here. Why?"

"Because I love you!" They both froze. Those words hadn't been passed between them yet, and Leia wasn't sure if she was ready to say it back.

"I can't do this right now, Han." They stared at each other for a moment, shocked at both his confession and her rejection. Han moved first, scrubbing his face with hand and looking at the sidewalk. His expression was unreadable, but Leia could tell that her blatant rebuff had hurt him deeply. Leia bit her lip, trying to figure out how to recover from that.

"I'm gonna go. I'll call you in a few days." He whistled for Chewbacca and left her standing alone by the pond. Leia remained there for several minutes, letting everything wash over her before slowly starting for home.

He loved her. The admission was hardly a shock; it was evident in the way he looked at her, held her, cared about her. But she hadn't expected him to say it yet.

Frankly, Leia just wasn't sure she was ready to open herself up to that kind of love, or that she had any to return. The dull ache that still existed from her father's passing, homesickness from her sudden uprooting a month later, the fervor with which she was fighting for civil rights, the fresh terror from the bombing…all these emotions gnawed at her sense of humanity until all that was left was the empty shell of a person, leaving her incapable of feeling anything but pain.

She couldn't honestly say that she didn't love him. She was quite fond of him, that was for certain. She loved who she was when she was with him, who he let her be. She loved that he wasn't afraid to argue with her, to give as good as he got from her. She loved how he could make her laugh with just a few words or a simple action. But did all those little loves add up to love-love?

That was a question she couldn't answer.

Jen was in the pink kitchen when Leia got home.

"Leia, what's wrong?"

"It's…nothing. It's nothing, Jen. I'm going to bed."

00

"Han called while you were at work. He's got a blown tire on his truck and he's stopped at a truck stop somewhere near the Missouri/Illinois border on Route 66. He wondered if you would stop by and take care of Chewbacca till he gets back," Jen read from a notepad by the phone. It hurt that he'd called when he knew she'd be at work.

"Thanks, Jen." Leia walked the few blocks to Han's house and let herself in the back door with the spare key from the garage. Chewbacca was thrilled to see her, but more thrilled to be let outside to pee. While he completed his rounds of the tiny fenced yard, Leia waited in Han's citrus-colored kitchen, yawning. She'd tossed and turned all night.

Being in Han's house by herself after his confession the night before was completely upsetting. All she could think about were the times she'd spent here over the past four months. All her good memories for a long time had to do with this house and the man that lived in it. Any peace that Leia had made with herself regarding their relationship was dismantled, and she nearly found herself in tears by the time Chewie was scratching on the door to be let back in.

Han's maps and atlases were spread out on the table from when he'd planned his route. She turned a page in the atlas and found a piece of metal about as big as her middle finger. Han had shown it to her the other day, explaining that it was an adapter for the lug nuts on the tires of his van. The tires were made during the war and were of a small number made with less metal and rubber to help support the war effort. The tires, however, had turned out to be terrible and were now sold for practically nothing. The adapter was made to fit on the end of a regular tire iron so the tires could be changed.

But if it was here, how would he change his blown tire? He'd said the adapters were pretty rare, and that it'd be hard to come by one if he forgot it. She had to get it to him, but how?

Leia knew that she was in way over her head, and there was only one person who could help her. As soon as she got home, she dialed the long-distance number. The phone rang three times.

"Hello?"

AN: I can't wait to read your reviews of the second non-happy ending I've ever written for a fic/chapter! I'd love to hear your guesses on who Leia called! Come back next week for the mystery person's advice, and the thrilling conclusion to Before They Were the Solos!