Warning: this chapter contains discussion of intrusive thoughts, PTSD, grief and self-harm.

oOoOo

Matte Light Sapphire Pearl

Everyone joins the Crystal Gems for their own reasons, and no two reasons are ever exactly the same. But while there may be many different incentives and motivations, the histories behind them are never happy. Listener knows that better than anyone.

Listener. That's what they call her. The name (title? duty?) still feels strange to her, but there's not much alternative. There are many pearls in the rebellion, but there is only one Pearl, and unless Listener has become Rose Quartz's right hand Gem without noticing, it's not her.

Listener isn't like Pearl, dashing and daring and dangerous. She can't ride into battle, sword swinging, take a blow without flinching and mow down a field of enemies.

She isn't like the newly recruited Black Pearl, either, who loathes fighting, but can work for Cycles and Cycles without ever stopping. Who never seems to forget a number, who can run endless calculations in her head, and who can work out exactly what equipment they need to staff an ever growing army.

She's not even like Camouflage, the strange and distant Pearl who slipped away from Homeworld only a few Rotations ago, and who's eyes never quite seem focused. That hardly matters, though, because she can fall up a thick fog in seconds and arrange the most spectacular of ambushes.

This Pearl can't do any of that. But she can listen.

It had all started one night when the Pearl had heard some sniffling coming from the back of the camp. Curious, she had had followed the sound until it had lead to an Onyx. She'd been crying, and ashamed of her tears. She'd tried to stop when she'd noticed the Pearl had been there. It hadn't worked, and the Pearl had sat with her and let the Onyx cry until she was ready to speak. And then the Onyx had shared about her past. How her squad had been sent after a group of rebels, and come back empty handed. How for their failure, Blue Diamond had had ordered them all shattered. How Onyx had been the only one to get away. How with nowhere else to go, she'd gone running to her enemies. How she could still hear her fellow Onyx's screams, how their terror and her own guilt still haunted her.

And the Pearl had listened, and held the Onyx's quivering shoulders, and told her she wasn't to blame.

Next had been a Coral, screaming her throat raw, punching the wall until she was bruised and shaking. The Pearl had asked her what was wrong. Immediately the Coral had fallen to the ground, shivering. Said she'd been scared, scared her whole life, and that was why she'd left Homeworld and come to the Crystal Gems. Said that she was still scared, scared to fight, scared of being shattered, scared of dying.

And the Pearl had listened, and said that she was scared too. And she'd told her that she was sure that Rose Quartz wouldn't make the Coral fight if she didn't want to, and that she'd heal her if she got hurt.

Then there had been a Nephrite, sitting in a grassy green field, pulling petals off of a flower. When the Pearl had casually asked what she was doing, the Nephrite had scowled and said she was imagining ripping off enemies' heads.

It's what she did in battle, the Nephrite had admitted. The Pearl had said that was only to be expected. But Nephrite had said that she imagined it all the time, even when she wasn't fighting. That she enjoyed it. That she looked forward to it. That she was afraid of hurting someone, someone who didn't deserve it.

The Pearl had winced, and Nephrite had flinched, afraid of a condemnation she had been sure was coming. But Pearl hadn't condemned, hadn't ran away. She'd said that the fact that Nephrite was so worried meant that she probably wouldn't make that kind of mistake. That she could fix it if she did. Pearl had said that if Nephrite ever needed to let off steam, Bismuth held daily sparring sessions whenever she wasn't busy with building or battle.

After that, Gems had started seeking the Pearl out on their own. Those worried or scared or confused. Their friends would notice, and they'd say, There's someone you can talk to. Someone who'll listen. Someone who'll help.

The Pearl called Listener couldn't always help. But she tries, and sometimes, she can, even if only in little ways.

She's there for the new ones. The ones new from Homeworld, their fears still fresh. She's there for the old ones, with a millennia of sorrow on their shoulders.

She's there for the ones who cry, and the ones who can't. For the ones who scream, and for the ones who are silent.

She's there for the ones who replay old battles and traumas in their minds, again and again. She's there for the ones who are just trying to forget. She's there for the ones who begin to care for specific Earth animals and humans, and feel the grief keenly when they inevitably die. She's there for the ones who've seen friends shattered in battle. She's there for the ones who've fused, and who aren't quite sure who they are on their own anymore. She's there for the ones who've lost, and who fear being lost. She's there for the ones whose internal hurts have become so great that they try to relieve them through physical pain, through cutting and scratching, sometimes so severe that they need to regenerate.

Sometimes, if they've all agreed, Listener points Gems in the directions of others who feel similar. Gems who can more than just listen, who can share and talk and understand. She thinks that helps, too.

When a Crystal Gem is injured, cracked, and no one else is there, she holds their hand (or whatever body part is still present), and stays with them until the healing is finished.

When their forms are destroyed, and no one else can stay, the Pearl does. She stays, and waits, and when they regenerate, she compliments their new bodies.

She's there, and sometimes, that's all that's needed.

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Author's Note: because let's be honest, Homeworld has Messed everyone up.