Story 2: Pointless Endeavors

it hurts

it hurts

I jolted into consciousness, sitting up in my bed with a startled cry. Chrom also jerked awake, startled by my noise, having fallen asleep in my chair the previous night.

I had recently taken to keeping a bucket by my bed. Smart call: I immediately went for it as I felt the previous night's lunch rise yet again.

After catching my breath—having thankfully avoided a barrage of vomit—I calmed, backed away from the bucket, and rubbed my eyes tiredly. "Three," I muttered without prompt.

"Three times? I didn't even realize there was a battle today," Chrom said grimly. "An ambush?"

"Yep," I replied. My hands fell to my lap, and I looked at Chrom with baggy eyes. "Chrom… can I ask you something?"

Chrom crossed his arms curiously. "Of course, Robin. Anything."

I took a breath. "I want to retire."

Chrom blinked, letting the question sink in. "Retire?"

"I've spent months longer than anyone else fighting this damned war," I said. "I'm tired, Chrom. I can't take all of this. I want a break."

Chrom's eyebrows set, and I already saw his response. "Robin, we need you. The Shepherds need you, and so do I. There is a solution to winning the battle today—we just need to find it."

I stared down at my lap.

"If you leave, the Shepherds will fall," Chrom continued. "You've seen it happen before, dozens of times. Without you, we cannot win. And if we don't win, then Grima does."

I grimaced.

Chrom, feeling he had gained some ground, resumed. "You know what happens when Grima wins? The end of the world. So, say you retire to some… remote beach, perhaps, to live out the rest of your days in peace. When the end-times come, you will be stuck in an unwinnable scenario, cursed to die over and over at the hands of Grima or his minions."

Grim, certainly. I had to hand it to Chrom: he knew how to paint a picture.

Too bad it was a picture I'd viewed before.

There's an old saying, a saying that ostensibly predates the era of the Hero-King: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." I suppose that makes me insane, then, because I had asked Chrom this exact question every reset, hoping and praying that he would one day give me a different answer.

But no. The only thing that would change his response is if I changed something. Like I was the only one with any influence on the world, the only protagonist, and Chrom and the others were simply background actors…

I sighed deeply. That was all it took to mix things up: a sigh, and the status quo was broken.

Chrom's eyes narrowed. "…We've had this conversation before."

I nodded.

Chrom crossed his arms, and he exercised his unique knack of being able to see right through me. "I can't understand all the quirks of your time-reset abilities, but I'd imagine it's not fun to experience the exact same conversations over and over again. It's like when Sumia and I argue over who does the dishes next."

He and I both chuckled, but his seemed heartier than mine. He noticed that, since I laughed at his joke, I actually hadn't heard that one before.

"Anyway," Chrom continued, "today, you should do something new. When does the battle start?"

"Sundown."

"So you've got a full day to enjoy yourself," said Chrom, grinning eagerly. "Mix things up a little! Do something you haven't done before. Talk to people you haven't yet, eat some food you rarely have, I don't know. You can keep yourself from going crazy that way, heh."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "That's… that's not a half bad idea," I murmured, surprised. Then I glanced over at him. "Tactics first, though. Tonight's a doozy."

What an intriguing idea. I seemed fixated on that word, 'intriguing.' It bounced around my mind as I wandered aimlessly through camp, chewing on my thumbnail.

Of course, walking around, I passed by many Shepherds. It'd been years, so of course I was used to it by now, but as I roamed that morning, I couldn't help but notice the way their eyes would swiftly turn away as I caught their gazes. Who knows what they were staring at me for this time? It was no secret that I was unpopular. I swear I'd once overheard myself described as "a necessary evil." …Though I couldn't blame them for their ungratefulness.

I always accept whenever they invite me along some sort of social gathering… the first few times. More resets than that and I can't help but decline. "Oh boy, who wants to watch the same exact sunrise!" Come to think of it, I hadn't been invited to anything while near this town… not that there was much to see here.

I wondered: if not already, how much longer before they ceased inviting me at all? It hardly felt like more than a courtesy even now. Perhaps they would always let their politeness override their disgust for me.

But all of this was what set her apart. What made her special. What set her, alone, on a pedestal above all others.

Lissa caught my eye, held it, and returned a smile.

"Hey, Robin!"

I stopped in my tracks, and a large smile grew on my face.

Ah, yes.

'Something different,' hm. A change of pace.

"Lissa," I responded, my throat a little hoarse. My brow glistened with sweat.

She tilted her head, smiling. Her golden hair shined in the dawn light, and I caught a rosy aroma wafting from her.

"Do you… want to go on a date?"

A bright smile dawned on her face. "Wha—Really? Yeah, sure! That sounds like fun!"

My lips parted in shock.

She asked me if I wanted to visit the town. I said yes.

I'd been there last time it was today, and the today before that. This time was immeasurably different. Unrecognizably different.

She laughed at my weak jokes. She made me laugh with her exuberance.

She glowed radiantly.

What is this? I thought, clutching at my chest. She stopped ahead, glancing curiously at me with a mouthful of candy.

"It's… It's warm," I found myself murmuring out loud. I couldn't fight the smile. My face hurt from smiling.

Lissa grinned, winking. "Oh, falling in love with me already?"

She laughed cheerfully, turning and walking ahead, leaving me to grow that aching smile even further.

Am I?

"Robin… Robin, it's growing dark." Lissa's smile was a little weaker. "You said."

"I know," I murmured. The ambush is less than an hour after the sun sets. We're almost out of time. …But if Chrom took care of all the logistics, like he said he would, then…

"C'mon, Robin," she said, reinforcing that remarkable smile of hers. "We've got this. Right? We're the Shepherds! Toughest of the tough!"

"Yeah."

"Oh, geez, what's with the grumpiness?" Lissa stood and offered me her hand. "You of all people know what kind of amazingness we've accomplished before! So get off that rump, and let's show those guys what's what!"

I stared at her offer. The golden, waning sunlight cast her hand in a lovely glow.

Hesitantly—my fingers trembling—I reached for her.

At my touch, she squeezed her hand around mine, and I relinquished my seat.

We stood still for a moment, eyes locked.

"Here."

She stood on her tiptoes and planted a chaste kiss on my cheek. My body lit with warmth, as unknown feelings shot through my every limb.

I turned to face her, out of breath. Her wide, blue eyes looked up at me; she carried a slight blush to her cheeks.

"Something to fight for," she whispered. "Now let's get going."

She wrapped her arms around one of mine, and we walked back to camp in that manner. Down to business.

It didn't matter.

If there was one consolation, it was that I heard her cry my name when the arrow pierced my lung. Brought a smile to my face.

it hurts

it hurts

and none of that ever happened

"Ggh—!"

This time I made effective use of the bucket. The noise pulled Chrom from sleep.

Grimacing, Chrom patiently waited for me to finish before speaking up. "Gods, I didn't even realize we had a battle today. How many?"

"F-Four."

I could have told him any number I wanted. Maybe this was the second time, if I wanted it to be. Maybe it was the tenth, if I especially wanted pity.

But of course I wouldn't… This was a tentative enough grasp on reality. If I started lying to Chrom, then I truly would be alone.

"Four?!" he exclaimed. "An ambush, I'm assuming?"

"Yeah." I wiped my mouth on my sleeve. What was I even throwing up? Squinting, I made out a sliver of pink amid the vomit.

…Candy?

"Strange." Chrom was lost in thought. "I would expect that we'd only need one reset to counter an ambush. Even knowing exactly where they come from, it still proves that difficult?"

"They've got competent archers. No-fly zone, and they pick at us like fish in a barrel. They react to where I position people, striking from a different location each time. Mobile little shits."

Chrom's eyebrows furrowed as he frowned. "Robin, please."

"Sorry." I wasn't sorry, but I might as well humor his lingual prudishness. Typical, at least.

Chrom crossed his arms, letting out a deep sigh. "…You seem stressed."

"You think?" The snark came unbidden. I regretted my harshness, but not enough to retract it.

"Yeah, I do. I think you need a break." A little smile appeared on his face. "Today, you should try something new. When does the battle start?"

I sighed. "Sundown." History repeating, but I let Chrom say his piece.

"So you've got a full day to enjoy yourself. Mix things up a little! Do something you haven't done before. Talk to people you haven't yet, eat some food you rarely have, I don't know. You can keep yourself from going crazy that way, heh."

"Whatever you say." I glanced up at him. "Tactics first, though. Tonight sucks."

I was wandering again. Walking through camp, alone.

The way they averted their gazes stung a little more.

All the more refreshing when I came across her by accident.

"Hey, Robin!" the princess said, beaming. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Warmness. A hint of it. It had me yearning for more.

What could one more time hurt?

Lissa sighed impatiently. I was dragging my feet again. "Geez, Robin, what's the deal? You've got a whole day to enjoy yourself before the fight! Just let your hair down a little, okay?"

I forced a tiny smile. She had coaxed many genuine ones out of me so far, but they tasted less sweet when I knew how temporary it was.

"Lissa…"

I sat on a nearby bench, and she didn't hesitate in sitting next to me. She looked up at me with curiosity, and a modicum of concern.

I sighed, looking away. "I… This… This isn't our first date." I glanced down at her, and could tell she already knew what I meant by that. I quickly looked away, frowning deeply. What a way to kill the mood.

"Oh, man," Lissa said quietly, facing forward. "That's…"

I glanced aside at her, tentatively judging her facial expression.

"That's so neat!" Lissa was beaming again, facing me. "Man, it's like, it's like we've been on a date twice, but I only remember one!" She patted my hand eagerly. "Ooh, ooh! It's like I've got amnesia! Ha-HA, now I'm the one with no memory! How's it feel?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "What kind of reaction…?" I shook my head. "You never cease to amaze me, Lissa."

She winked. "'Course not! That's cause I'm amazing." She looked off into the distance, still grinning widely. "Oh, man, this is actually cool. What did we do? What was it like?"

"I… I don't remember everything we did," I said. "I remember… shopping… eating lunch… I think we played hide-and-seek with the local children?"

"Really? That sounds awesome!" She giggled. Music. "Tell me we had candy."

"We did have candy," I confirmed, nodding. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I—" I cut myself short. That wasn't an appropriate story.

A pause followed, in which I pondered the sentence I had almost said.

I had definitely vomited candy this morning. I had not had candy the previous night, so… that… transferred, across times.

Proof of a day that never happened…

It was an odd thing. Impossible vomit. Huh. But I couldn't deny that it made me excited. There was still so much I didn't know about my ability.

This was the first instance in a very, very long time that I viewed my ability not as a curse, but as a blessing. If just for a fleeting moment, I could see all the good I had accomplished, and shut out all the suffering.

I suddenly wondered why Lissa was being so quiet, but when I turned to face her, I noticed her scrawling against a small piece of parchment, using her leg as backing. Smiling, she offered me the page.

I made out her delicate handwriting. "This…" I gave her a curious look. "This is everything I told you about the first date. Why…?"

"I want you to write that down in a journal," she said seriously. "And the date we go on today—I want you to write that down, too. For if you forget."

I sighed. "Lissa, writing it down won't do anything. It'll just reset, like everything else."

She winked. "Just give it a try, alright? I mean, writing it down will at least stick it in your memory more."

I stared down at the piece of paper in my hands, as if trying to memorize every detail. "I…" I looked up at her. "…Okay." I stowed it in the pocket of my coat.

She clapped her hands together gleefully. "Nice! Now—let's see how those kids feel about freeze tag!"

It took a rain of arrows to fell Chrom. With his dying breath, he slew the enemy captain. The battle was supposedly won.

Not without Chrom it wasn't.

I closed my eyes and allowed an enemy sword free passage into my stomach.

it hurts

Confirmed: an unmistakable pink in my puke. The candy here sure doesn't digest well, to say the least.

"Gods, five times?! I didn't even think there was a battle today!"

I hardly listened to Chrom's speech, because a hope was growing within me that had never existed before.

Still in my pocket, sitting as if it belonged, was the piece of parchment that Lissa had never handed me.

"Oh my gods, you're right! This IS my handwriting!" Lissa was laughing. "Wow, we've been on two dates and I didn't even know it!"

I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. "Yep."

"Wow!" She read through the page again. "It's like when you find a picture you drew when you were a baby, but, like, I wrote this today!"

"In the future, in fact. You wrote most of that later this afternoon."

"What a wacky sentence," she mused.

I sighed, watching the sun drift ever lower on the western horizon. "We'll have to go, soon."

But Lissa was intent on her work, writing notes on the page. She wore a mischievous smile.

"What are you up to?" I asked with a grin.

"Noooothing," she teased, not looking up. When I tried to peer over her shoulder, she shied away. "Hey! Don't read this, okay? This is for my eyes only, IF we lose the battle again."

I chuckled and put up defensive hands. "Sure, sure."

"They're here!" a scout reported. "Enemy troops, approaching from the northwest!"

The Shepherds began to mobilize. I took a moment alone, inspecting the note Lissa had left for her future past self.

Give that handsome galoot a kiss when you see him, okay? It's the fourth date. He's kinda earned it. Shame he's taken us to the same place every time though… ;)

I smiled giddily, tucking the note away in my pocket.

The archers attacked from the east, when I thought they would come from the north. Tricked me yet again.

it hurts

but

not as much

I jerked awake in a cold sweat, panting for breath. However, the urge to vomit did not rise, and I had myself under control within moments. Feeling in my pocket, Lissa's notes to herself were still secure.

Chrom leaned forward, eyebrows furrowed. "…Robin? What's wrong? Was it a nightmare?"

"No, it was… the sixth," I said. "Sixth reset."

His eyebrows raised. "What?! Six? And that was your whole reaction?!" He shook his head. "Gods, I didn't even realize there would be a battle today!"

"We need to make plans," I urged. "We need to start right away."

I don't want to waste a second.

Our fourth date was as pleasant as the previous three. Lissa was as romantically entranced in the whole time-loop thing as before—and I couldn't deny, it was a little exciting to me as well.

It hurt, yes. It hurt. But never before had I actually had fun with this.

I found myself making plans for our fifth first date. Almost… almost looking forward to dying. Gods.

As the afternoon waned, Lissa started to grow a blush to her cheeks.

I knew why. I wanted her to act. I wanted her to obey the note. To obey the Lissa of the last today. But I waited, squirming in my impatience. I think she knew. She was either preparing herself for it, or… or savoring the wait, perhaps.

"Lissa," I said, gesturing at the horizon. "The sun is going down." We had time left. We had half an hour at least before we'd need to return. But it had already been a longer date than before. I was at my limit.

"Wait. I…" She turned west, frowning at the sun. "I… need a minute."

I tilted my head. A minute for what? I almost asked, teasingly, but I decided against being coy. I didn't want to waste any time. "Okay."

We sat at a bench, redness growing on each of our cheeks. I think she knew I knew. I knew she knew I knew. What was she waiting for, then?

I suddenly noticed her hand. The way she had it on her lap, palm upright—she never had it like that. It was a hint. A hint I immediately took, interlacing my fingers through hers.

I could feel the pulse in her wrist. Fast. Mine was, too.

"I…" she murmured. "I know we've been on four dates now… I believe you, trust me. If everything was normal, I'd…" She glanced aside at me. "There wouldn't be any doubt." She averted her eyes. "I'm sorry I've made you wait. But for me, it's still our first date. What feels like an eternity to you has been a… uh…" She laughed quietly. "Well, it's just been one day."

Ah. I understood, now. I should've known. The reason Lissa of the third date had sent this message forward—had told the next Lissa to accept a kiss that she herself wasn't ready to. She hadn't realized that Lissa of the fourth date wouldn't be ready, either.

"I know," I said quietly. "I… I get it if you want to wait. Whenever I get past today, I'll… I'll treat you right. I swear, we'll be normal."

"Oh, Robin…" She was smiling right at me now, her eyes watering slightly. "Robin… You're wonderful. You're too nice to me. I… I just wish…"

She didn't know what she wished, of course. Something normal? Maybe. The end of this war? Maybe. Naga only knew I wanted both of those things. Time to be with Lissa. Time to treat her like I should.

"Lissa, I can wait," I implored. "I'll wait as many resets as I have to. I want to be with you."

She tilted her head, laughing a little bit and shaking a tear loose. "Robin… You're… amazing. I think I…" She looked away. Still too soon.

"Me too," I said quickly. "I know, I've known you longer, the circumstances are different, but there'll come a time when this little time difference won't matter. We'll both be able to say then what I want to say now."

"Gods, Robin!"

She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. Inhibitions to the wind, I suppose. What did she have to lose? Did she expect judgment from me? Judgment for a woman kissing a man on the first date?

No, I threw myself into the kiss wholeheartedly. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what this feeling was. Intense, yes. Numbing, yes. Warm…

My hands settled on her hips as I pulled her closer.

…Warm, yes.

Lissa suddenly pulled away. I thoughtlessly made to pursue her, before stopping myself short.

Her blue eyes were inches away from mine. Concern.

"I hope we make it," she whispered. "I really want this to be the time."

"I do too," I said. "But if it isn't, I'll keep going until it is. I promise you, Lissa."

"If…" She glanced behind her, at the sunset to the west. "If it isn't… I'll be gone, huh? This… this'll never have happened."

I winced. "…Yeah."

She looked back at me. Those beautiful eyes, almost watering. "That's… That's kinda like dying, I think. Like… if this isn't the time, then I'm gone. These are our last moments together."

I looked away. Like I needed her to remind me of this. "Lissa…"

She placed both of her hands on my cheeks, forcing me to meet her eye. "Robin, I love you," she said intensely. "If I never get to say that again, here it is. I love you. And I know you can get the Lissa of next time to love you, too. And the Lissa after that, and the Lissa after that."

She forced her lips against mine, and we were intertwined for another passionate moment.

She pulled away, giving me a tiny little smile. She took a hand off of my cheek to wipe away her tears. "S-Sorry for being a downer like that, Robin… I'm sure you think about that stuff all the time."

I turned my eyes downward. "…Lissa, I love you too. I'll make things work."

"Robin…" she murmured. I heard a teasing edge grow in her voice. "…Just where are you looking?"

She got a grin out of me with that.

I locked this moment away in my mind. Treasured forever.

"Don't look, Robin," she panted. "Look away…"

"I can't," I choked, tears joining the amalgamation of dirt and blood on my face. Weakly, with the arm that wasn't pinned to the earth by a harsh arrow, I reached out for her. "Lissa…!"

"Don't let this ruin it," she whispered. Her chest heaved with labored breaths, struggling against the projectiles imbedded in her abdomen. "You can… change this. Don't… give up…"

Her fingers grazed against mine, then fell limp.

A glaze fell over her lovely eyes.

I felt footsteps nearby. Chrom standing overhead—wearing a look of absolute horror. His mouth moved, formed his sister's name, but I heard no sound.

I looked up at him. Begging. "We've lost," I whispered. "She's gone…"

His hand tightened around Falchion.

"Do it…"

His second hand joined the first on the sword's hilt.

"Make it quick… please."

I closed my eyes, and the sword fell.

it hurts

it hurts

lissa

The notes were still in my pocket when I awoke.

She'd left a final message for herself.

I love Robin. You will too, future-past-me.

It was the same. The same. Her doubts, my reassurances. My proclamation to love her, forever…

"What feels like an eternity to you has been a… uh… Heh, well, it's just been one day."

The exact

same

fucking

thing

And I died again. I failed again.

I sat through it again.

She said the same things.

I tried to say the same things.

But my words were a little more impatient. My heart was less into them.

I caught myself, and tried to explain how we'd had the conversation before.

She understood, yes. She gave me a reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry I've been such a burden on you," she said, almost crying.

Liar.

It's my fault. My failures.

If this battle was won, this problem would not exist.

My mouth was hot, waiting, expectant. Waiting for the moment she took the initiative again.

She never did.

I had killed the mood.

When the sun set, we quietly returned to camp, uncomfortably hand in hand. We might as well not have bothered at all.

There's an old saying. A saying that ostensibly predates the era of the Hero-King.

"Even an easy task, if left with any room for error, will eventually be failed if attempted a thousand times."

More commonly known as

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong eventually."

I'd always remembered to stow Lissa's notes in the lowest inner pocket of my cloak. The pocket least likely to be pierced by the enemy. Not the chest pocket, not the stomach-level pocket; those were easy pickings for an archer. No, this pocket hung closer to my thigh, and was a rather difficult target.

That said, the archers were many, and their chances were frequent. It was only a matter of time.

it hurts

it hurts

I sat in my bed, staring at the destroyed pages in my hand. Illegible. Could hardly make out a letter after what the archers had done to them.

Fuck.

Glancing down at my cloak, the pocket was wholly intact. As if it had never seen combat. Exactly as it had appeared last night, all those todays ago.

"Doesn't make sense. What kind of supernatural bullshit…"

"Robin," Chrom muttered scoldingly.

I tried anyway. Why not? Go off-script a little.

"Six dates? Seriously?!" Lissa grinned, crossing her arms. "C'mon, Robin, you're just pulling my leg."

I shrugged. "No, I'm… I'm serious. I wish I had proof to show you, but…"

She tapped her foot, mulling it over. "…All right. Okay, I believe you."

My eyes widened. "Wh—Really?"

"Yeah!" She beamed. Cheerful, oblivious optimism. "I mean, if you got me to go on six dates with you, well, what kind of idiot would I have to be to turn you down on the seventh?" She reached for my hand. "Come on, let's go into town! I heard they had this awesome candy…"

A flicker of past warmth shot through me.

It's meant to be.

"It's almost sundown."

"Hm?" She glanced at the western horizon. "Oh… Oh, you're right." She turned back to me, smiling brightly. "I had a blast today. We should do this again sometime." Her hand suddenly shot up to cover her mouth. "Oh, man! Y-You know what I meant, I…"

"Haha… Lissa, of course I know what you meant." I took a step closer, smiling down at her.

She reflexively withdrew a step, backing into the wall of a house. She still grinned slightly. "Wha—Robin, c'mon."

"You had fun, didn't you?" I murmured, placing a hand on the wall over her shoulder and leaning ever-so-slightly in. I could taste her scent, I had a full view of her wonderful eyes… Drunk on the feeling…

"Robin." Her voice was a little less cheerful. "I… I know you said… six. Six dates. But… for me, it's…"

"It's only been one, yes," I said absently, leaning in closer. "But… allow me… Just once…"

She placed her hands on my chest, keeping me at a distance. "Robin… I'm sorry, but it's just too soon."

"Remember the time we walked all the way to that beach about a mile to the south, and we watched the morning sun on the waves?" I whispered. "Remember the time we helped the children play pranks on the townspeople?"

"I…" Lissa turned her head away, her hands retreating slightly, nervously. "N-No… Of course I don't."

"It's not too soon."

I stared into her eyes. Is that… fear? No—it can't be. We're in love.

"I love you, Lissa," I said intensely. "I can't—without you, I'm—I'm…"

She flinched. "Robin…"

"You said you loved me, Lissa," I maintained. "You said you would always love me. You and every other Lissa."

"Robin—"

I lunged in, stealing a kiss from her lips. Anything for that rush, for that taste. The sweet taste of… love?

No… this taste was bitter…

She shoved me away, her other hand clamping over her mouth in shock. I relented immediately, letting my momentum carry me several steps back.

Lissa had no words, but she didn't need them. The betrayal in her eyes told me everything.

I wonder if there was betrayal in my eyes, too.

She fled—off to camp on her own. I could only watch her go.

It… hurts.

We lost.

Nobody cried my name.

it h…

…

… …

"Heh. This isn't exactly what I meant by 'try something new.'"

My eyes weakly lifted from the drink in my hands to the Exalt in the tavern's doorway. I lifted my chin in halfhearted response, then turned back to the alcohol.

Chrom took a seat next to me at the bar. He didn't say anything for a moment, but I could feel his eyes on me.

"Chrom…" I swirled my drink, watching it foam. "I want to retire."

Chrom blinked, letting the question sink in. "Retire?"

I sighed.

"Robin, we need you. The Shepherds need you, and so do I. There is a solution to winning the battle today—we just need to find it."

"I've heard all that before, Chrom," I snapped. "You've said that a dozen times."

"What? No, it couldn't be more than nine… nine resets, right?" Chrom shook his head, realizing that wasn't my point. "Look… we need you back. The endgame here is that the Shepherds couldn't do it without you. We wouldn't have made it past Plegia without your help; we would never have joined with Lucina without your help. So please, Robin, just stick with it. We'll find a solution."

What a comforting sentence that was. Lucina. Woman treated me like she did the air, whenever she couldn't even lower herself to cast barbed comments my way. Just like the rest…

I took a long drink, letting Chrom suffer a little while longer. It was bitter—didn't go down easy. Kept me awake.

Finally, I set the mug back on the bar. Not meeting his eyes, I said, "I already have."

Chrom blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I need to be with the scouts. Need to be in the thick of the enemy archers, able to give commands on the fly. My problem has been sitting in the back, inflexible." My eyes flicked up at him. "We'll need to stake the area out beforehand. Probably just wait in the foliage for hours, take 'em by surprise when they come up on us."

Chrom's eyebrows furrowed. "A stakeout…? That doesn't seem too complex. Why haven't we done this before?"

Because I've been distracted, I thought bitterly. Distracted by pointless endeavors. Distracted by thoughts of "it wouldn't be so bad if I died." It WOULD be so bad. That's the point. If it's hardly even a punishment, then I would never have been afflicted by this curse.

"It never occurred to me," I said honestly. Less honestly, I joked, "Maybe it's the alcohol talking." I shot him a dry grin, which he reciprocated with a bit more authenticity.

I didn't waste a second of that day. We won the skirmish handily, with no casualties and a routed foe. The weapons, items, and experience we gained from the battle would prove to make later battles much easier. This was an important victory indeed.

I was never able to meet Lissa's eye.

She was married to Lon'qu within a couple of months.