Wow you guys! I am blown away! One hundred reviews! What! I know some people have like over a thousand reviews, but for me, this is huge! Thank you all so much! You have no idea how happy this makes me. So, to celebrate, I gave you this chapter early. I kind of am having slight writers block, so it's a little scattered, but hey I tried.
Also, in the last chapter, some people kind of made the assumption that Sabine had a crush on Zeb...? I'm sure where they're getting that. But I can assure you that Sabine does not have a crush on Zeb and he does not have a crush on her. These are all family bonds. Okay? Okay.
Read guys! And thank you so much for reviewing! Party at my house!
This takes place during slash right after Shroud of Darkness.
Sabine had been in her room for days. She hadn't even come out to eat. And all she had to drink was the small glass of water she kept by her bed when she slept. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't tired. She was hardly thirsty. Honestly, she didn't care. She didn't care one bit about this. About any of it. What the crew would think, how this would effect her. Kanan called her heartless… Emotionless.
I feel more emotion than anyone else I know!
The Mando' screamed inwardly as she slammed her helmet -the closest object in reach- to the ground in anger. How could he say that to her! To tell her that she didn't feel?
He knows nothing about me!
She stood up and began to pace.
He's supposed to be supportive. Instead, he calls me emotionless, and gets all upset when I tell him how I feel. I was being open! How is that unemotional! What did I do wrong! She thought with rage. She had done nothing wrong!
"Sabine." Hera addressed for the umpteenth time. She had been constantly trying to get her to come out. "You want to talk now?"
"No! Get away from me!" She screeched.
"Alright. Just remember, I'm right here when you're ready." She said with disappointment.
"I know! Just go away!" Sabine yelled.
Sabine began to pace again for what seemed like hours, slamming her fist on the wall every now and again.
"Sabine, Kanan and I are back." Ezra said through the door.
"Whatever. I don't care. And I don't want to talk to you." She growled, going up to the door so he could hear her clearly.
"…Oh… S-Sorry, I just… I thought you'd wanna' know…" He said sorrowfully as his footsteps traveled dolefully down the hall. Sabine felt no sympathy or guilt. In fact, she felt triumphant that she had managed to hurt his feelings. Of course, this wasn't not normal. Mandalorians were taught that if you hold the power over someone's emotions, you hold the power over their own army.
That's all she had ever been taught. If you hold the mind, you hold the power.
Sabine picked up a spray gun and began to paint blobs of… whatever it was. It was simply another way of expressing her anger.
So many things had been happening. Kanan and Ezra were constantly leaving and nearly dying, Zeb hated her, and Hera was always so busy, so how could she not be upset? And how could they not understand? They were always so open, and now she suddenly can't share her opinions without being chastised?
"Of all the Kriffing sith-spit this stupid universe could have thrown at me, why the Kriff did it have to be abandon and rejection." She muttered.
"That's a lot of bad language coming from such a good little girl." Kanan said through the door.
"Little! You think I'm little! Insignificant!"
"May I come in?" He asked, ignoring her as she screamed at him furiously.
"Who do you think you are calling me inferior to you! Just because you're a Jedi you think you're so much better than everyone else!"
Kanan, knowing the code, simply walked in on his own.
"If you think you're so much better than me then lets see you prove it! Fight me! Mando' against Jedi!"
As she jumped up to punch him, Kanan simply grabbed her arms firmly but gently and held her back as she kicked at him.
"Ugh! Let go of me!" She screamed, feeling the rage build up as he held her back. Then she stopped thrashing and looked at him in confusion as she realized he was…laughing?
"'Let go'? You might just get away. You sure are tough." He said tenderly and lightheartedly.
"Stop it! Let go!" She yelled in defiance as he talked to her like a six year old. She was not going to play back no matter how much he teased her.
"Oh… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." Kanan let go suddenly a stepped back, bowing slightly. "Forgive me, my lady. I meant no offense in calling you tough, I simply thought-"
"What?" She said, completely baffled and no longer angry, just perplexed.
"Would you like me to show you to your table?" He asked, gingerly taking her hand like a gentlemen.
"What-What are you doing?"
"Being polite, Miss Wren."
Sabine jerked her hand away, having no idea what was going on. "Stop."
"Is something wrong? I can get a window seat if you prefer."
"What are you doing to me?"
"You don't want this?" Kanan asked with overly exaggerated confusion.
"…N-No."
"Oh dear. Oh, no. No. No, no, no. This is all wrong." He said, hooking his arm around hers.
"What are you doing?"
"You must come. You can't refuse, it's your coronation."
"Coronation?" She echoed.
"Yes. You are the princess aren't you?"
"Uh… No."
Kanan stopped dead in his tracks right after they turned the corner.
"What do you mean? …Oh! You're the jockey aren't you?"
The artist cocked her head. "Seriously, Kanan, why are you doing this?"
"I dunno'. I like watching you smile."
"But I'm not smiling."
"You're calm."
Sabine looked down in deep thought and realized that he was right. She was much calmer now.
"You okay, Sabine?" He asked gently, lifting her chin. "Please, tell me, what's going on?"
"…You told me I don't have feelings… So, I released the one emotion Mandalorians were taught to feel."
"Anger."
"I guess so… I'm so sorry." She whimpered, but she didn't dare cry.
"Don't be."
"But I am! I took it way too far!" She wailed. "Even on Mandalore that behavior wouldn't have been anywhere near tolerated! I yelled at you! I physically tried to hurt you! I said I hated you! …And I don't know why."
"It was new for you."
"Knew? What do you mean?"
"I've never seen you mad. I've seen you irritated, stressed, sad and even scared. But I have never seen you straight up angry… How do you usually treat anger?"
"Kind of like that. I always bottle all my emotions, but when I'm mad, I lash out… But never that bad. What's happening?" She asked, voice pleading.
"You're not used to it. You said so yourself, we're the first people you've ever actually shared your feelings with."
"Knowing how open to be is confusing…" She admitted.
"I know. Adolescence can be really confusing. You're given more responsibility, you start to reason differently and your hormones are all out of whack because your body is changing-"
"Kanan." She groaned.
The older man smirked apologetically. "Sorry."
Sabine smiled slightly and returned the coy look.
"You know, Sabine, you should really go talk to Zeb. I've seen you yell at him a couple times, never in actual anger, but still yelling. This is probably build up from that." Kanan said.
"You think?"
"Yeah."
"…Okay. I'll talk to him… I'm really sorry I yelled at you."
"Well, I'm not the only one you've hurt."
"What? …Oh, shoot."
"It's okay." The older man smiled. "I'm sure they'll forgive you."
"Thanks, Kanan. And I promise, I'll never act up like that again."
"I'm sorry, too. You feel plenty of emotion. I didn't mean to call you detached. That isn't what I was implying."
"I know that now… Question?"
"Yes?" He replied, lightening his mood.
"Did everyone else hear us arguing?"
Kanan chuckled. "Uh, yeah."
Sabine joined in on his laughter, feeling her face heat up with embarrassment at the same time.
Never again. I will never treat my family like that again. There is a difference between how Mandalorians treat emotion and how family treats emotion. If the emotion is negative… family forgives.
"Now, go talk to Zeb."
"But he never knows what to say! He's gonna hurt my feelings again!"
"He's Zeb."
"…Good point. Okay, I'll go."
Sabine went the rest of the way to the common room to see Zeb sitting at the table with his bow rifle. At first Sabine couldn't find her voice. When she finally spoke, she had no idea what to say and the words just spilled out in a chaotic, disorganized jumble of stars know what.
"Hi, uh, Zeb."
"Hey." He muttered, not making eye contact. There was an akward silence between them for a minute or two before Sabine found the courage to speak.
"So… Uh, Zeb, did you hear our little, uh…"
"Episode? Yeah… Look, I'm sorry you feel that way. I never meant to… Gargh! Why does this have to be so hard!" He yelled, slamming his bow rifle on the table.
Sabine stared for a moment before clearing her head. "Zeb, I'm sorry about the things I said about you. I guess it just…" Sabine paused to try to fight tears. She began again, her voice wavering as she tried not to let it crack. "It really hurts when someone I care about so much doesn't love me back." She accidentally let a sob escape and Zeb looked at her in horror.
"No, don't start crying! I can hardly handle the little bit of sentiment that was going on a moment ago!"
"I know." She said through tears, which quickly broke into sobs. "I know… I can handle it though… I love you, Zeb. I'll always love you even if you can't say the same."
With that, she fast-walked to her room passing Kanan on the way who, seeing her current state -which, granted, wasn't the worst state she had been in- quickly followed her to her room. She didn't complain or drive him away, even though part of her wanted to. She wanted the company, the compassion, and the feeling of security he always brought.
When they got to the room, Kanan closed the door and she whipped around to face him, tears streaming down her face no matter how hard she fought, which was reasonable, seeing as Zeb -although unintentionally- had just crushed her world.
"I told you that would happen! He didn't even deny it!"
"He didn't confirm it."
"Why does he do that! Why Kanan, why, why, why."
"Oh, Sabine. Come here."
The teenager came over as he embraced her in a hug. They sat there for a moment before they heard Zeb on the other side of the door.
"Can I come in? I'm really sorry. I just don't know how to do this stuff."
"It's okay, Zeb… I understand." Sabine told him, not letting him in. That was a big lie. She didn't understand one bit…
But family forgives.
"Come on. We should get you something to eat." The older man said, leading Sabine out of her room, past Zeb, and into the kitchen.
"Sabine! You're out!" Ezra cried out as he saw her.
"Yeah. Sorry I was so rude to you."
"I-It's fine. So, you hungry." The blue haired boy asked, holding a bowl up filled with soup.
Sabine let out a small laugh. "Thanks, Ezra."
Soon, Hera came out, too. They all ate together, except for Zeb and Sabine began to walk back to her room since it was getting late and about time to go to sleep.
The Mando' reached for the code lock when she caught a note on her door. As she picked it up and read it, it was hard to hold back the emotion. And that was something she was very good at. It only showed if she wanted it to.
Sabine, I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings so much. And I'm sorry I wrote this out on paper instead of saying it in person. I just don't know how else to do it. I hope you will except my sincere apology and know that I never mean to upset you on purpose. I love you like my real family, and I am very sorry if I don't do well at showing it. Try to understand that all that fluffy stuff just isn't my strong point. But I do care about you. Love, Zeb.
Sabine stared at the note for a moment, completely dumbfounded. He did care? He never meant the bad stuff? Wow. She quickly picked up a writing utensil and wrote on a separate piece of paper.
Zeb, you have no idea how happy I am right now. For once, you're actually saying you love me. In addition, you're opening up! It's on paper but it's a good start. I love you, Zeb. Sincerely, Sabine.
She put the note on Zeb's door and went into her room, not able to believe that he loved her this whole time.
Okay, maybe it wasn't that deep, but I thought it was. *Shrugs innocently*
Thanks everyone! Please review! Next goal is 200! Yay! *Starts dancing with jacket*
