"Beca? What about Beca?" She could feel the blood draining from her face; she needed to sit down because whatever had brought Emily to tears this way was not something that you heard while standing up.

A million different possibilities were already rolling through her mind, each her own personal versions of hell.

"Chloe, she was in an accident. She's in the hospital."

"Emily - oh god, is she - is she okay?"

"I don't know," Emily sobbed through a snotty thick nose, "I don't know, she hasn't woken up yet. And I - I - Chloe, please come. Please, I need you. Please."

"Of course. Of course I'll come." She was already up, pulling a bag from the closet and stuffing some clothing in. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"We were all getting ready to go out, me, Benji, Hunny and her new agent. There's this big thing at the studio tonight and – and – and Hunny is leaving for location and, so we had a little party beforehand at her condo and then we left. Benji and I got there and so did Hunny but Beca never showed up."

Chloe froze, the mix of fury and unadulterated fear making her head swim, "She drove – she drove, didn't she?" It was exactly what she had been worried about before she left L.A.

"I didn't know she had that much to drink, Hunny had - her agent - I don't know what it was, something new. I couldn't - I can't - I can't think. We had a shot contest. Beca didn't take it, I swear. Chloe, I didn't know, I - I didn't even see her leave I was too-"

"Oh my god." Chloe huffed, sitting down hard on the floor, putting her head between her legs and focusing on her breathing, keeping the panic at bay. She didn't have time to panic, to lose her head.

There was no getting there soon enough. No matter what, there was no way to get there as soon as she needed to.

"Chloe please. I didn't know who else to call, I just - she - please." Emily's keen sent a bolt of panic straight to her heart.

"Okay. Okay, I'm coming. Just stay there, stay right there. I'm coming, sweetie."

She wasn't even sure what to do. She needed clothes and shoes and makeup and - she whizzed around the room, her breathing shallow as her mind pictured the moment over and over again, the moment that Beca turned at the wrong time, or swerved and hit a tree or - that moment when Beca's head fell slowly back, her eyes closing.

She let out a little moan and moved a bit faster.

Was she okay? Was she - how bad was it? Emily hadn't said. Oh god, Beca!

"Chloe- I need to talk to you."

"Nick-" she reached out for him, needed a second of support to gather her thoughts. Her hand closed on his shirt and seeing that he wrapped his arms around her. It helped, relieving some of the fear so that sense could trickle in little by little. "Beca was in a car accident. She - she was drunk driving."

"What?"

"I have to go. I told Emily I would go, I have to go." She felt the familiar itching around her throat, the one that meant soon she would be panicking, breathing into a bag but no, she didn't have the time for that right now.

She had to go.

Should she drive or should she fly? It was late, there probably weren't many red-eyes out of Henderson so she would have to drive into Vegas and leave her car at the airport, unless Nick would drive her. She was sure he would but then she would need someone to pick her up at the airport or she would need to get a cab and then she wouldn't have access to a car. Oh god, she needed a car, okay, breathe, think.

It made the most sense to drive. The flight from Vegas to L.A. was only about 90 minutes but it would be a thirty minute drive to the airport, maybe more with traffic, and by the time she got there, waited for the flight, landed and got to the airport - okay, yes, she would drive.

Her hand released his shirt and she was spinning around the room again. She had no idea if she had everything she would need, she had no idea how long she would be gone.

"Chloe-"

She could hear the condemnation in his voice, spiking her temper, "My best friend was just in a car accident, Nick."

"I know, I get that but we were talking."

"Nick, I have to go!"

"I know, I'm not saying don't go, Chloe! I'm just asking, can you sit down for a moment? I need to talk to you, I need to tell you something."

But Chloe was already in the bathroom, gathering things there and hadn't heard him.

It took thirty minutes of blank nighttime freeway before the thought occurred to her. Beca might not want her there - no, Beca didn't want her there. If she had made anything clear the entire trip in June it was that Beca did not want her there...and she hadn't called.

Remembering the difference between the Beca who had crawled into her arms and the Beca who had refused to speak to her was something she tried not to think about very often. It always made her heart ache just a bit. There was something that kept Beca away from her, even once she knew her secret and yet, the moment her inhibitions were down Beca had come to her like always. She knew what that meant, she knew Beca too well. So what was it that was keeping Beca from doing the thing she really wanted? Before it was that she had been secretly gay and in love with her, okay so, was Beca still in love with her? No, of course not, that much was clear. Was it Hunny?

Did she just not like her anymore?

Would she be forcing herself on her if she showed up?

Could she stand seeing the look of rejection on Beca's face again? Could she handle that right now?

That thought made her pause, nearly taking an exit ramp so she could turn around and go home. But no, she had told Emily she would go.

Plus -

Beca was just in a drunk driving accident.

She could have - oh god, she could have -

No.

Beca didn't know it yet, but she needed her.

And she, oh, Chloe needed to know that she was okay.

She was tired when her phone rang again. She had heard from Emily once more, the sentence 'she's alive, that's all I know' sent Chloe into such a panic that it took her a long time to realize she was speeding - badly. She didn't like the garbled way Emily was speaking. She had said that she took something - was she okay?

She wasn't sure how she was going to do this. Chloe wasn't great in a crisis; it just wasn't one of her strengths. It had always been Beca -

The thought sent a shock straight to her tear ducts.

The thing was - she couldn't afford to cry right now. She couldn't afford to panic. She needed to just get there. Now.

"Hello?"

"Chlo, I was trying to talk to you." Nick sounded tired, exasperated. "It wasn't easy but I was trying to talk to you."

"What?" Oh that's right, they had been fighting. "I'm sorry, Nick, it's - I just had to go."

"Did you find out if she's okay?"

"No - I didn't. Emily," she had to swallow hard, "It doesn't seem like Emily is really capable of telling me that right now. She seems pretty messed up."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Nick, two of my Bellas are in trouble. I think maybe in more trouble than I knew when I was there. I don't know what to do."

"I think you're doing the only thing you can do."

"I'm sorry I left so quickly. Why don't you talk to me now?"

"What? No. That's okay-"

"I could use the distraction. Please."

Nick was quiet for a long time.

"Is this about the fact that we've been fighting so much lately?" She hedged.

"Yeah, Look, I-"

"What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that."

"Jenny's pregnant."

Chloe frowned. "Oh. That's - that nice." She didn't know why they did this to themselves. Each new pregnancy was reported, as though it was a homerun for the opposing team. "That's great. She's so young."

"It's mine, Chlo."

"Oh." The little sound popped from her mouth, just a gasp.

"I'm sorry, I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for a couple of weeks. I know that you know I've been seeing her and-"

But Chloe had hit the 'end' button.


She was an absolute mess by the time she arrived in L.A. Honestly she had no idea how the hell she got there and knew she should be thankful that she hadn't been in an accident herself.

This needed to not become a habit, getting in her car and driving for hours in the middle of the night...in tears. She needed her life to not require that kind of drive anymore. It wasn't fun.

There were still a few hours before sunrise and yet there was already heavy traffic, of course there was, but her foggy mind just could not handle it. The L.A. freeways were confusing, five lanes, exists off of both sides and then exits off of the exits, it was difficult to drive when your mind was clear. Her phone was trying to get her there, it really was, telling her to get off here, or be in this lane, but she kept missing it, watching her stop whizz by or realizing she was cornered four lanes from the one she needed to be in.

She couldn't focus.

She was furious. She was furious at Beca for getting behind the wheel, for putting herself in danger. She was furious at Nick because, not only had she been doing her part but she had been trying for their sake. She wanted a different life too, she knew that, but she was doing the right thing. She wasn't just walking away. She didn't just go out and make a baby with some twenty-two year old. She didn't get out of her mind drunk and then get in the car and drive to get even drunker.

She was livid.

And yet...she felt lighter.

And that scared her.

She was in frustrated tears again by the time she pulled into a spot at the hospital, near her breaking point. She had missed her exit three times. Three times. One more and she would have snapped, full on panic attack.

But she was finally here.

She followed the signs for the E.R. at a jog, her heart in her throat. She hadn't heard anything from Emily in hours. She had to assume that was a good thing, right?

"Chloe!"

Emily's face was red and swollen with her tears as she ran down the hall.

"Emily," she sighed in relief as the girl threw herself into her arms, sobbing like the small eighteen year old she had once known.

"Have you heard anything?"

"No, I don't think so. I can't – I can't remember."

"No." Benji approached, "Nothing new."

"Hey Benji."

He just gave her a mournful nod in return.

Hugging Emily was great, she could tell the girl needed it and she wanted to sit there and hold her, she wanted to comfort her but after a few minutes she kissed Emily's temple and moved away, toward the reception desk. She had to see, she had to know. "Beca Mitchell, I'm here for Beca Mitchell - please." She added as an afterthought. The woman just stared at her. "She's my sister."

Normally she was so much better at this, at talking to people, at comforting people, but she just couldn't. She couldn't breathe. Why was the ICU so large? 106, 105, 104. She knew that she had left Emily behind and she felt badly about that, but she couldn't handle the girl's sway, her drunken stagger, the honest confusion in her eyes, not until she saw her.

This is what nightmares felt like; moving and moving but never reaching your goal, knowing that you could be too late, knowing you don't know what is about to happen.

Finally she came to the closed door of room 100 and she had to stop, her hands flailing for a second as she tried to take a deep breath. There was no air, no -

"It's okay, sweetie. She's not in too bad of shape."

She looked up at the nurse writing on a piece of paper two doors down, "I'm sorry?"

"Are you family?"

"Yes." She was family, damn it.

The nurse nodded, pulling up a screen on the computer beside her and reading, "A mild concussion, a few lacerations and a severely strained muscle in her back. She got very lucky, but then again it's always the drunk ones that get lucky."

"Does that mean," she had to swallow the lump of bile in her throat. If Beca hurt someone she would never forgive herself, "Does that mean whomever she got into the accident with is not doing as well?"

"No, but I hear that center divider will never be the same again."

"Oh thank god."

"She almost didn't make it, you know."

The panic rose fast.

"But once they pumped her stomach she took a turn for the better."

"They had to pump her stomach? Seriously?" She couldn't believe this. How much did you have to drink in order for that to be necessary?

"Oh yes. She should be just fine. But I imagine she'll wake up very soon. The sedative they gave her was very light but she did have a lot of alcohol in her system. If she holds steady we'll move her to a regular room soon. Go on in, dear."

She nodded and without another thought clicked open the door.

The room smelled metallic, of surgery, wounds and pain. The only light was coming from a small lamp just over the bed and the angle threw the already forming bruises into sharp focus. A dry sob ripped from her as she stepped closer.

"Oh god, Beca." Chloe's shaking hand went out, touching Beca's foot. She felt better the moment it was there, sliding up her until it could close around Beca's limp hand. "Beca." She looked better than she knew she could have but the fear did not, would not, leave. She sank into the chair beside the bed, trying to process this, trying to tell herself that it was okay, the nurse said it was okay, Beca has here. She watched Beca's chest rise and fall, she studied the curves and subtleties of her face but she did not feel better.

After a few minutes she heard Emily come in behind her and for a while they sat there not talking. What was there to say? Chloe could smell the alcohol and the marijuana reeking off the girl.

"Chloe I -"

Chloe turned, trying to smile, trying to tell herself that this drunken girl was just as scared as she was, "Emily, sweetie, it's very late. Why don't you go home for a while? Take a shower, get some sleep and come back in the morning. It's so late and I -" she needed some time to herself, "It's very late."

Emily's young face stared back at her, blinking slowly, hurt. Chloe gave her hand a small squeeze and the best smile she could manage.

"There's no need for us both to be here."

"She's right, Em. Let's go, we can come back later."

Chloe hadn't even noticed Benji in the corner.

"Okay." Emily's shoulders slumped, "Okay. I'll be back in the morning."

"Okay sweetie, sleep well."

"We'll bring you something to eat, Chlo. And some coffee." Benji said in his somber tone, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Thank you, Benji." He was a good man.

Chloe would have thought that being there alone with Beca would have made her feel better, but instead everything just felt - larger, the possibility of her death somehow bigger.

She - there were no thoughts, just relief and panic, stunting her as she stared at Beca's unconscious, battered face.

At first she didn't realize she was crying, not until her forehead touched the hand she was clutching. She didn't even know why she was crying, which thing it was that was overwhelming her. She cried because of Beca, she cried because of Nick, she cried because she didn't care about Nick or his new baby as much as she should and that scared her. It was almost…relieving…maybe he would want the twenty-two year old now and she could stop being treating her like a birthing cow…maybe…this didn't have to be her life…maybe she didn't have to stay because it was the right thing…maybe this was her ticket out and she could be…free?

She cried because what would a world look like without Beca Mitchell in it? She almost had to find out. Beca almost died. She almost died. Without her permission and despite her kicking and scratching, the vision came; all of the Bellas dressed in black, a picture of Beca's beautiful face standing behind a ring of roses.

She choked, her tears soaking the hand she was holding.

What would she have done then?

What was she going to do now?

"Ch-Chloe?"

Her head snapped up, her breath hitching.

Beca's eyes were still rolling, trying to force themselves open.

"Beca?" She let go of the hand and grabbed her cheeks, needing to see her open her eyes, needing to know that she was really still here, that she was okay.

"Ow!"

"Oh god! Sorry!" She jumped back, swallowing the urge to crawl into the bed with her. Right, she was still injured.

"Chloe?"

"Yea, yea Bec, it's me." She slipped her hand back into Beca's, pulling it to her lips and kissing it, "I'm here."

Beca's eyes finally settled on her, squinting hard, "Did I call you? I was gonna - did I-"

"No. No, Bec." Her throat worked, trying to keep any more tears in - for now - there had been so many tears lately, "You didn't call me. Emily called me. Why didn't you call me, Bec? Why don't you call me?"

Beca's face slowly fell into a confused frown, "I was sure the whole weekend was a hallucination or something, I don't know. It didn't feel real," her words were slow, groggy and drugged.

"Why, Bec, why did you get in that car? You could have really been hurt. They said you almost died."

"I know, they told me. Too much to drink and I guess I kinda bumped my head."

Holding her hand to her lips again she whispered, "Beca, you can't do that, you can't die, you can't leave me like that."

"I know."

"Why did you get behind the wheel?" She was holding Beca's hand to her too tightly, she knew it but she couldn't release it, she couldn't, she was holding her to her, holding her hand to her heart, keeping her there in this room, with her.

"I don't even fucking remember doing it. But they gots good drugs here, Chlo." Beca's bruised face broke into a lazy grin but her eyes were rolling again.

"I bet they do." She chuckled, giving the knuckles another quick kiss. "Go back to sleep. I'll be here."

"Mmmmkay."

The laws of time are strange in hospital rooms. Eventually they moved the comatose Beca out of the ICU and into a regular room where Chloe simply pulled up her chair again and continued to hold her hand, thinking, forming a plan.

The sun had been up, high in the sky for a long time when the hand in hers twitched and flexed. She had been dozing in and out but just like last time she waited, needing to see those deep blue irises, as though her eyes were proof that she was indeed still alive.

She had made a decision while Beca was asleep and she wasn't sure that Beca was going to like it. She wouldn't just walk away again. She couldn't. Not when Beca was like this, not when she was so - lost. Her best friend needed help, though what kind of help, she wasn't sure.

"Chloe?" Beca's voice was much clearer than it had been that morning, raspy and obviously sore but whatever sedative she had been given was wearing thin.

"Heey, how are you feeling?"

Beca blinked a few times, confused. "You were in an accident, Bec. You're in the hospital?"

"What?"

"Yeah."

Foggy eyed, Beca spent a second looking around before she landed back on Chloe, her face dark, "What the hell are you doing here?"

She had expected some type of rejection, but not genuine anger.

"Emily called me last night right after you were admitted." She felt Beca's hand move and realized that she was trying to take it back. She didn't want to let it go, she didn't feel like she was standing on solid ground yet but she let it slide away from her anyway.

"So you just drive from fucking Nevada?"

"Yes, so I just drive from Nevada!" She cried, defensively. "Of course I would drive from Nevada. Emily asked me to but I would have anyway."

"Ugh, Chloe! You don't need to do things like that!" Beca snapped, "I'm fine!"

"Says the woman in a hospital bed. You can't keep living like this, Bec. They said you almost died."

"You're not the boss of me, Chloe! Stop trying to tell me what to do! I have a plan! P.J. wants me to open the label's sister studio. I just need to do this for a little longer and I'll have my own studio!"

"But at what cost?" She looked into her friend's eyes and she saw what Beca was trying to hide, what she didn't want her to see.

Beca was embarrassed and Beca was scared.

"Bec-"

Her best friend just looked away, out the window, falling resolutely silent.

Fine.

If that was how Beca wanted it, Chloe would wait her out. She wasn't leaving.

The room was tense, but neither woman was backing down.

Finally, after an insufferable hour, Beca's eyes started to droop again. When she was out Chloe smirked, taking her hand and letting her head rest on the bed beside her.

Oh god, she was tired. She was so -

Her dreams were not pleasant. Darkness, emptiness, loneliness. No matter where she moved or what she did there was always the panic.

She was almost grateful when the clicking of heels jostled her awake.

Hunny came storming in, making Beca jump, her eyes popping open, startled.

Chloe glared.

"Good morning, babe!" Hunny cried, pushing open the blinds and making both Beca and Chloe reel back, groaning and shielding their eyes.

"More like afternoon." Chloe grumbled.

"Ooooh yay. Gingers back."

Chloe took a deep breath, sitting back in her chair. Her back was sore from the car and the constant leaning over the bed. She twisted and heard a few pops. When she was done she sent Hunny a blank, tight lipped smile, "Hello Hunny, how are you?" She couldn't help but noticing that Hunny hadn't been here all night.

Hunny just ignored her, sitting on the bed beside Beca and leaning in for a kiss. Beca yelped when Hunny pressed against her swollen lip but Hunny didn't seem to mind.

"Word travels fast, Bex."

"What?" Beca looked up, her eyes huge, "What does that mean? Hunny, what does that mean?" Hunny pulled out her phone, showing Beca some type of article.

"Welcome to the DUI club."

Disgust crawled through Chloe's stomach. She said that like Beca had just joined the chess club or had gone through aca-initiation. What was wrong with this woman? Did she really need to bring everyone around her down to her level so badly?

"What?" Beca cried, her voice high, "They gave me a DU- ugh, of course they gave me a DUI." Her head fell back against the pillow and she winced, "And of course there's already an article about it. Great. Awesome. Super awesome. That's just - that's just great. I'm sure P.J. will love that. Stop smiling at me like that, this isn't okay!"

"Hey, I'm sure this will all blow over really easily. EZ said that P.J. was on the phone all morning. His P.R. crew will make this go away, they always do. Don't stress. Remember how easily they made this all go away for Dave after his DUI?"

Wow, this really was a club.

"Are you kidding me? They made him lie and say he was a fucking alcoholic and going to A.A. I had to go buy him chips from this hippie store, Hunny!"

"Hard knocks, babe, hard knocks."

"Are you kidding me right now?"

"Yeees, Beca, of course I am. Laughter is the best medicine, right? If you have to go to DUI school or something that sucks but you'll figure it out." Glaring daggers, Chloe saw Hunny glance over to her. "Though," she said in a low rasp, "I can also think of a few better types of medicine." She gave Beca a suggestive grin.

Chloe looked away.

Hunny seemed to think that was very funny, "So you know I'm leaving tomorrow to shoot next season, right? I don't think you're going to get out of here before then but I think that as soon as I get back we need to have a huge 'Beca survived' party. I mean huge!"

Chloe opened her mouth, but found she was too flabbergasted to know what to say.

"We can get some friends," Hunny bit her lip, resting her forehead against Beca's, "have a good time -" Chloe watched Hunny's hands run over Beca's thighs, "Maybe do that thing that you like afterward."

Thing? What thing? What thing did Beca like? Chloe was on her feet suddenly, her arms tight around herself, "Hunny, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Hunny didn't respond at first, making Chloe insane. She just - she wanted this woman away from Beca. She was like a parasite. Hunny leaned in for a kiss and Chloe huffed, staring at the wall above their heads, "Hunny?"

"In a second, I was about to do something," and Hunny leaned down, giving Beca a forceful, deep kiss, one that made Beca whimper in pain.

She was getting close to dragging her out by her hair if she needed to. It was just so inappropriate! Beca is in a hospital! Didn't she care that Beca almost died?

Hunny finally rose, smugness radiating from her and followed Chloe to the hallway.

"Are you kidding me?" Chloe rounded on Hunny as soon as they were alone.

Hunny didn't seem surprised in the slightest. "About what exactly? Although, you know what? I can answer that question for you. No, I promise you that I will never - kid - with you. I'm not sure you would know how to do it."

Chloe's cheeks flushed, "Hunny, don't you think that Beca needs to take it easy for a while? I mean, a party because she didn't die from alcohol poisoning or in a drunk driving accident? Who does that? She needs our help, she needs support. What happens when next time it's a minivan she crashes into? She needs-"

"Look, I'm going to go ahead and cut you off before you get on your holier than thou tangent and say," Hunny came close, far too close for Chloe's comfort level, "don't talk to me about my girlfriend - bitch."

'****'

Okay, so she hadn't had, say, a whole lot of near death experiences. She had slipped by the pool once when she was four and had gone in but that had been about the extent of it. Her life before L.A. had always been pretty steady. Yeah, she liked to mix music, and she had a few ear piercings and tattoos which gave off a certain image, but she had never gotten into serious trouble; it was more that she had just - had a bad attitude. Childhood divorce and years of insecurity and being misunderstood will do that to you.

Life in L.A. had been a little different.

She hadn't nearly, you know, fucking died or anything before, but she had definitely put herself in a few situations that perhaps had warranted a second thought - or two - honestly that was kind of Hunny's thing. She wasn't a thrill seeker as much as an always on the go, let's see what happens, live for tonight kind of girl. Beca usually went along with it because one, Hunny's constant craving for adventure made Beca feel like maybe she was a little more sane than she had originally thought herself to be and, two, because the long nights of drinking and partying broke up the monotony of masochistic and pessimistic thoughts nicely. Every little near scrape that they had gotten into had been funny in the end, nothing serious. It helped, of course, that most of their 'shenanigans', and by shenanigans she meant mindless drinking and sex, happened in the same place every night. There was always someone looking out, someone to laugh with them, someone who was so much worse off, proving that they didn't need to worry, they were just letting off some steam after a hard day.

When she woke up in the hospital it hadn't been funny, though.

It had been terrifying.

She had felt the pain before she had even been able to open her eyes and the inability had only scared her more. Her body ached from her head to her toes, her throat felt like she had swallowed glass and even once she had pried her eyes open, she hadn't been able to focus them for a while, the images and colors she saw were too vague to make sense.

She had no idea where she was or what had happened.

Then the blurry shapes had begun to solidify and her fright had only grown. Thin, rough puke-green blanket, hard sheet, white walls, a window looking out to the windows of other rooms; she was in a hospital. She was in a hospital bed. Why was she in a hospital bed? Panic had begun low in her chest, stirring like a coming thunderstorm.

Then she had noticed the figure next to her.

She had assumed the redhead asleep had been Hunny at first but then - it wasn't the right shade of red, was it? And whoever it was, they were squeezing her hand so hard that her fingertips had lost all feeling. She tried to move it and didn't succeed with a whole lot of movement within the iron grip. Then the head had popped up and Beca had been so startled that the rudeness had been knocked from her mouth without her permission.

She hadn't meant to be a dick.

She - she was scared and she knew that face would make it better, if she would just allow it.

But.

She hadn't seen Chloe look like this since the few days following the accidental exposure of Amy's lady bits to President Obama and, who was apparently worse, Shonda Rhimes. When Beca had asked her why the hell she was more upset about Shonda than the president Chloe had just looked at her as though she were speaking Chinese and said, 'She made Grey's Anatomy, Beca.'

Chloe had then changed into her pajamas, cried for about ten hours and proceeded to eat ice cream for two days straight. No matter how much Amy apologized or tried to make her laugh, Chloe just stayed on the couch.

Here at her bedside, Chloe looked like hell.

Her hair had been three times larger than normal, flowing everywhere, framing her pale white face, which was so drawn that Beca could see the slightest hint of a blue vein just under her eye. That was what had really gotten to her, her eyes. Her eyes were far too large, open, frazzled and it was clear to see, wildly afraid. She had looked so terrified and so hopeful that it had taken Beca's fear and tripled it.

….and then Hunny...and now she was fairly sure she had lost her job - and any chance of ever owning a legitimate label in L.A.

Hunny was putting it on strong, though she couldn't exactly tell why. They weren't affectionate, not really, they didn't do cute or silly - so what the hell was with the floorshow? I mean, she could see that it was killing Chloe. She had always been so bad at hiding disapproval and it was clear that Chloe thought Beca should be sleeping, not listening to Hunny go on and on about what their friends thought of Beca's accident.

If she were telling the truth, she could easily do with a lot less of that, hearing how funny her friends thought her fuck up was, yeah, it wasn't really helping anyone. At all.

But no one, neither Beca nor Hunny, gave Chloe the slightest hint they were paying attention to her though. Hunny had clearly decided that Chloe was the enemy and Beca - she couldn't look at Chloe because when she looked at Chloe she remembered her face transfixed with fear and it ruined her; it absolutely ruined her.

She couldn't remember - that was the problem. She couldn't remember getting in the car. Her first thought when she had been told she was in an accident was 'how hurt was Hunny' because naturally if someone had decided to drive drunk it would have been Hunny, not her. She was smarter than that. She was so much smarter than that and frankly, yes she had some abandonment issues, and some love life issues and...stuff...but she didn't want to fucking die.

Why had she done it?

And what was she going to do now?

Then again, if this day kept going the way it was then perhaps it would have been better. It was, god, it was just so uncomfortable.

Hunny wouldn't stop touching her, even though every touch hurt.

And it freaking did. Every casual graze hurt.

The nurse said it was simply the tension of the accident and it would pass in a day or two but right now, she just wanted to dope up so she could stop hurting and sleep. She had never felt so tired, so rundown. How did a car accident make her feel like she had actually been hit with a really bad flu? She felt like she was dying. It seemed Hunny had no answers for the things she really wanted to know, either. She couldn't seem to tell her about her car, or what was happening at the studio. She wanted to call but every time she decided to, her stomach would turn and she would grow too afraid to try.

She had fucked up.

Bad.

And all the while as Hunny squeezed onto the bed next to her, talking, talking, talking - and touching - Chloe sat a few feet away, arms crossed and lips tight in that oh so Chlo way - pretending not to glare - and Chloe pretending not to glare was always so much more obvious than her giving in and glaring.

She had to stop herself from throwing her pillow at her so many times, just to get her lips to unpurse and her arms to unfold.

It was awkward.

Beca was almost relieved when Chloe abruptly stood, hands folding in front of her as she approached.

They hadn't exactly been talking...all day and Beca found that she actually had a hard time looking up to see what she wanted. She felt like a child, a stupid child who did something stupid and deserved a punishment that was just as stupid because the kid was just fucking stupid.

"Beca, I drove all night. I haven't checked into a hotel room or anything like that. Do you mind if I go back to your condo and take a shower?"

"There's a shower here." Hunny gave her a polite smile.

Beca's eyes rolled, "Err, yeah, totally. Um…" where were her keys? "Hunny, where are my keys?" Hunny just shrugged. She was just starting to look around when Chloe stepped to the table, opened a clear plastic bag and pulled her keys out. "Right. Uh, yeah. Feel free." She watched Chloe's small smug smile and sighed.

"Do you need anything while I'm out?"

Can you rewind time? "No. Thanks." Actually, speaking of needing something, maybe she could see if she could get Hunny to jail break her long enough for a cigarette.

Chloe gave her a small nod and gathering her purse, stepped purposefully from the room.

Beca watched her go until she was gone and then turned back to Hunny, giving her a tight smile.

The room felt empty.

"I don't like her."

"What, why?" Had she said that as loudly as she thought she had?

"She's judging us."

"No, no she's not, Hun. She's just very - protective. And she's not wrong. I kinda totaled my car when I was drunk."

Hunny's face sobered, "I know. Shit, it's my fault Beca, I'm sorry. I was the one pushing the drinks. I was the one who wanted the shot contest. I was the one that didn't want to wait for an Uber. I should have known you weren't okay to drive."

Beca had seen this side of Hunny before, the woman under the parties and the reality TV; that insecure girl named Megan who had been raised in mid California.

"No, it's not really your fault. I'm an adult - according to some - and I shouldn't have done it."

Hunny leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek, "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Thanks, Hun." You know, if Hunny would just show Chloe this side of herself then maybe they would get along. Chloe had always been a sucker for anyone who also had an affection for Beca. 'Because clearly they have great taste' Chloe used to say with a grin and a wink.

She and Hunny smiled at one another for a second before Beca let out an uncomfortable huff, "I need a cigarette."

"Yes!" Hunny smirked, giving her a hard lip smack on the cheek that hurt, "Prison break!" And Megan was gone again.

Turned out a prison break wasn't really necessary. It was more like get into the wheelchair with a lot of help, try not to be humiliated by her awkward hospital gown and then be wheeled out by Hunny, who thought giving her a heart attack by pretending to run things over constantly was funny.

Still, the cigarette was the best part of her day.

"Have you talked to Emily?" Beca asked, giving Hunny a side glance. She saw Hunny shift and knew she didn't want to answer.

"A little bit."

"She's doing that well, huh?"

"Errm, well, she was supposed to ride with you, Bex."

"What?" Her head whipped around, her stomach going sour. How had no one told her this?

"Yeah. Benji wouldn't let her."

"So she thinks it's her fault." It wasn't a question.

Hunny just shrugged.

"Will you do me a favor please? Will you call her and tell her to get her little butt down here to see me please?"

She just gave her a wordless nod.

The excursion to go out and smoke was exhausting and when they finally returned to the room Beca decided to let Hunny manage on her own and called the nurse to knock her out.

When she woke up she was confused because the sun was still up but in the wrong place in the sky and the woman next to her was her redhead - the other redhead - again.

"Time - what time?"

"It's around six." Chloe gave her a smile and rose, brushing a strand of hair off of her face. Beca pulled away, casting her a sideways glare and pulling the stiff blanket up to hide herself.

"Wait, in the morning?"

"Yeah, you slept all night."

Beca stared at her through the small loophole she had left for her eyes and nose, trying to get her mushy medicine rattled brain to work.

Red.

God, she looked amazing in red. She should be forced to wear red like, all of the time. Nothing but re-gaaa, Beca! What is wrong with you?

She scooted a little lower in her blanket fort and tried not to think, watching as Chloe pulled her phone from her pocket, checked it and then silenced it.

That was how the day went.

Hunny was gone, off for who knew how long exactly to shoot the next season of her TV show.

So it was just she, Chloe and her blanket fort - in a room.

She couldn't decide if Chloe was this quiet in order to give her space or if she was quiet because she was upset. Either way though, Beca noticed her chair scooting a little closer to the bed every hour, she said very little, simply watching her and watching the TV, but her chair was moving.

"Oh, leave it there! Let's see." It was the first thing that Chloe had said in hours other than, 'I'm going down to the cafeteria' and 'no, I will not help you go out and smoke'.

Beca frowned as the familiar opening credits rolled. She had spent about a week obsessed with watching Hunny's show when they had first started seeing one another. It had been fun seeing the face she had just been kissing on her TV screen.

The fascination hadn't lasted long.

"This is - err- last season," she tried but Chloe just smirked at her, silencing her yet again ringing phone.

"I've never seen it."

"Oh. It's uh,"

"What? You don't like it?"

"Um-" Beca looked for another word, saying she didn't like it seemed so mean, "well,"

"Oh my god, you don't! Don't let Hunny hear that."

"I mean, you haven't seen it yet so don't judge me."

There. This was easy. Light banter. That was it. She could do this.

Chloe scooted the chair the final foot of space so she could lean against the side of the bed.

Nope. She couldn't do this.

She just didn't get why she was here.

Why had Emily called her? Of all people, why Chloe? Literally anyone else would have been better.

Except - ugh, she sucked so hard because she really didn't want it to be anyone else.

"So." Beca's eyebrow popped as Chloe reached over and started playing idly with her fingers, "Are you still so mad at me that you won't tell me about the sister studio?"

Wha- the fu- gaaaaah, that wasn't fair. That was cheating. Those direct questions, the kind that just strip away any of the bullshit, they weren't fair. "I wasn't - I'm not - uugh, do you just say stuff like that to get a rise out of me?"

Chloe grinned, her nose scrunching as she admitted, "Sometimes. But not this time. I want to know. Oh god, Bec, are you okay?"

"What? Why?" Her hand automatically shot up to her face, touching the painful spots and feeling for blood but Chloe's eyes were on the heart rate monitor, yeah, it wasn't surprising that it was that high. She did know that she was sitting and playing with her fingers, right? Like, no big deal, just full on cardiac arrest. What do you expect, you freaking temptress?

She took a deep breath and tried to stop feeling her hand. She didn't want to pull away, so instead she just trudged on, telling her about P.J.'s recent offer. "I don't know a lot but it's this studio that's been closed up. It's still under his master label, but it would be a different studio so everything that came out of it would still be a 'Paul John Production's' album but that would be in tiny, tiny letters and instead of saying 'Moment One Recordings' it would say – I dunno – whatever we called it."

"So it will be yours?"

"Kinda. It will still be an affiliate of 'Moment One' so I don't know how involved P.J. will be, but I think that is what he wants. I don't know how it will go, I really want to do things differently that from how he does them but we'll see."

Oh my god, make it stop! She loved the contact far too much.

For the twentieth time Chloe's cell phone rang, filling the room with the song Beca could have sworn she loved before today. Once again, Chloe just checked who the caller was and then silenced it, slipping it back into the tight back pocket of her jeans.

"Will you be able to pick your own clientele?"

This line of questioning worked for a while and Beca was almost feeling okay with this when they fell silent. It was clear that there was something going on with Chloe, something on her mind but she had no idea what. Asking would be the right thing to do but she didn't think that she could handle hearing that she was upset with her right now. Beca was upset with herself enough as it was. So she just went on as she had been all afternoon, watching the TV and waiting to see what would happen next.

"I can't believe you still wear black."

She glanced over. Chloe still had her fingers, sometimes playing, sometimes just holding. Right now she was smiling a secret smile as she fiddled with one of her fingernails and then the other absentmindedly.

"It suits me," she grumbled, "it's the same color as my soul."

Chloe scoffed back, her eyes sarcastically rolling as she laughed, "Oooooh yeah, totes."

Beca glanced back at her, uncertain, trying to come up with something to say to distance herself, trying to come up with something she could do that would politely rebuke the woman; only she couldn't. She could literally think of absolutely nothing. So she just let out a small, slightly awkward laugh.

It didn't matter. It was clearly good enough for Chloe.

She got a grin back, her smile turning into that megawatt that Beca used to know so well.

The song went off again and Beca's head dropped to the pillow, "Okay, I don't want to be rude but, you gonna answer that?"

"No. I hadn't realized - I'll put it on silent."

Beca's eyebrows shot skyward. As a whole Beca would call Chloe soft spoken, not necessarily because she didn't use a lot of volume - because that was not always true - but more because she tried so hard to never be too sharp or clipped - so the fact that Chloe just snapped at her - that - she couldn't really ignore that.

It was also clear that Chloe knew that she gave herself away. Her eyes rolled skyward the moment that she spoke and she began talking before Beca could even call her on it, "It's just Nick."

"Uh-huh, and do we not like Nick today or…I mean, I know that my hospital gown makes me nearly irresistible and everything but I'll be okay for a few minutes alone if you need to talk."

Chloe was already shaking her head, staring resolutely in the opposite direction, her eyebrows tight.

"Chlooo…?"

Silence.

"Okay Chlo, what's wrong? I'm not buying it. I haven't been buying it all day. Why don't you just te-"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Okay, was there a cupboard she can go and hide in or something? This fucking question was out to get her. She opened her mouth but all that came out were strange noises, because - god damn it! She needed to come up with a better comeback for this question than gaping and impersonating a goldfish. Finally, after an eternity, she let out an uncomfortable laugh, "Where did that come from?"

Wait.

FUCK.

Chloe was crying.

Why the fuck was Chloe crying?

How had they just gone from 'totes' to crying?

Shit!

She had always been so bad at this. Did she hug her? Did she ignore it? Was there some type of ointment for this type of thing? What did she do?

"Whoa, Chloe, what the hell?" She pulled her legs up, sitting high against the pillows.

"Why, Bec?"

Ugh, why was she attached to so many things? There was no quick escape right now. The best she could do was press the call button and have a nurse come and take her out for a smoke. That was the very best.

She was trapped between a truth and a lie, which was so much worse than a rock and a hard place. She spoke fast, ripping the Band-Aid off because she literally had no other choice. "You know why. Why does this keep coming up? It was like a million years ago."

"Tell me." Those lighthouse eyes were on her, she could feel it, she could feel their inexplicable tears and she wanted so much to fix it.

"I don't know, it was your wedding day. Blame the dress, blame the booze and all the white."

"No. When I was here, Bec."

Oh god, her voice, her shaky little voice it hurt - it hurt so - "What?"

"After the reunion. Before I left."

Crickets could be heard in Beca's brain.

"Is that - is that why you didn't call me? Even once?"

The crickets continued their melody. What was she talking about?

Oh shit, had she done something?

Fuck, Beca, why do you always fuck up? What had she done? "What? I kissed you?"

"Nick's having a baby with someone else."

"What?"

"And I think it was me who kissed you."

"WHAT?" She hadn't meant to shout but apparently she had because a nurse came running. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I'll - I'll shut up. Sorry." She waved her away, embarrassed and confused, so much - so much confused. She was dizzy. A lot of things were happening in this conversation and she wasn't following any of them. "Wait, wait, start over. I don't -" Had Chloe kissed her? God, if there was ever a reason to never be drunk again it was because she had been kissed - by Chloe - and she didn't remember it. Why would Chloe kiss her? Had she been drunk? Had she - she needed so many answers, "I don't understand. One thing at a time." She struggled with herself for a long minute debating which thing to ask about first. She wanted - the kiss - what - kiss - happened - there? But watching Chloe's wet face she finally decided that being a good friend needed to happen first...as painful as that was. "Okay. Nick is having a baby with someone else? Who? Why?"

Chloe looked up, her eyes bloodshot and red and it took everything Beca had not to pull her onto the bed with her so she could cuddle her.

Chloe let out a little sob and then she was talking. She told her about Nick's office girl, Jenny, about his overbearing mother, about their struggle to get pregnant, about the picket fences and the fact that she didn't know who she was anymore. She talked so long that the sun was setting by the time she hiccupped to a close and all the while Beca just listened; just like she used to, with no drama, no reserve, nothing; just trying to be there.

"I guess, he was trying to tell me about Jenny when I got the phone call about you. We were fighting and I, I don't know, I didn't realize. I left but he called me on the road and told me. She's pregnant with his baby. I know he wants a baby so badly...or...I know his mother wants him to have a baby so badly, I don't always know which is true. Either way, I guess he has one coming now."

Beca was livid, like needed to fucking hit something livid- preferably his stupid face. She never liked him and now she knew why. That fucker! That douchebag! Who was that stupid? Who was so stupid to be married to Chloe and fucking cheat on her? That was like - that was some Aesop's Fables 'Dog and its Reflection' shit. He clearly had used too much hair product in his life or something. "Chloe, I'm…I'm sorry I pulled you away from that. And I'm sorry that it's happening. I mean, fuck!"

"No, Bec-"

"Fuck that asshole. Seriously. I'll take his fucking dick off."

"Beca."

"I mean it, I stood next to him while he promised to be faithful to you. Fertility issues or not. Fucking in sickness and in health. I mean, are they going to keep it I mean - eerr- what the fuck is he going to do?"

Chloe just shrugged.

Beca frowned. Was this shock? Was it shock that she was seeing? "You don't seem too upset about it."

"I'm – not. I mean, I'm upset but I'm not…upset."

"Okay, what aren't you telling me here? I mean, I would be a little pissed if my husband was fucking some twenty-two year old-"

"It's because I'm kind of gay."

"secretary. I mean how big of a stereotype ca – wait, what?"