"Oh – ahhh, oh god, ye- oh-"

Chloe's eyes popped open and she cringed into the morning light. It took her a second to take in her current state, baffled as to how she had gotten into that position. Her legs were tangled in the blankets, one hand clutching tightly at the sheets below her, the other pressed over her heart; her forehead was sweaty and try as she might she couldn't get a deep breath, like she had just run a marathon.

She had woken up like this before. Nick always told her that it seemed like she was having some sort of break dancing street fight in her dreams - which - was pretty far off from what they actually were.

She relaxed, trying to remember exactly what it was that she had been dreaming about but was coming up empty. She couldn't remember, actually she couldn't even remember falling asleep. She had been so tired lately.

Goodness, it must have been stressful, though. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. Maybe stressful was the wrong word.

Ugh, her body felt electric. She needed a shower. Though what was the point? She knew that she would just get sweaty again the moment she went outside for a run.

It was early but despite that she wanted to get moving, needed to get moving.

She pulled herself up and threw on her running clothes, her stomach tight, feeling pressure between her shoulder blades and in her belly.

She knew this feeling, she didn't feel it often, not in any of her three lives - or perhaps it was four now - but she knew it. Whatever her dream had been, it had been good - she needed that run.

But somehow when she returned she didn't feel much better. It was as though she had put her skin on backward this morning and it didn't quite fit, every brush against her felt a little too intense. Aggravated she tossed her mat down outside and began her yoga, working up quite a sweat by the time that Beca woke.

"You didn't wait for me?"

"Sorry. Got up a little early."

Beca surveyed her for a moment, "You okay?"

"What? Yes." She snapped, pushing herself further into the bend, "Sorry, just a little grumpy." She looked up to give her a smile and noticed, with slight aggravation, just how tiny Beca's shorts really were.

Gay.

That was a gay thought, wasn't it? How had she never noticed those before?

"Can I help?"

"Nope," she said quickly.

"Okay then. Um. You know Hunny is coming back for a few days tomorrow, right?"

"Yup."

"Okay...just thought I would remind you." Beca turned and started back inside.

It took Chloe a second to notice where she was staring and when she did she groaned, flopping onto her butt with a thump.

Something was wrong with her.

Really.

She rose but instead of picking up her things and following her friend inside, she dove head first into the pool.

The dip helped. A lot.

"Unconventional bathing suit," Beca called from the couch when she finally entered. "I wouldn't make a - whoa! Dude! Where are your clothes? Did the pool monster eat them?"

Chloe paused, frowning into confusion, "What?" Then her eyes rolled, "They were going to drip everywhere!"

"You're dripping everywhere now!"

"Oh." She looked down at the small puddle at her feet, "Oops." Then she cracked a grin, "You've seen me in less than my underwear, Bec! What's wrong, turning your head?" She was only teasing but she loved the embarrassed groan that Beca gave her back.

"You're turning - something - alright," Beca grumbled.

"Careful, this is really comfortable in this heat. I might make a habit of it." She pretended to think about it for a second, "Yeah, I think I could get used to this."

"I a- urm - my - phone is - ringing."

Chloe grinned, starting toward the stairs, "No, it's not!"

"Shutup!"

By midafternoon Chloe's sour mood was forgotten, thankfully, though she let Beca come down from the studio in search of something to eat this time. She also stayed clear of Craigslist and the internet altogether. Instead, she sprawled out on the couch with a movie, dozing and enjoying the cool AC.

"HERKKKK,OH GOD! GODAMNITBEC!"

"Ohh, did I get you in the stomach?"

Chloe just groaned, rolling Beca to the floor.

She fell and then laughed, settling against Chloe's propped up shins, "Whatdya watching?"

"Um-" she looked up to see a totally different movie playing, "I was watching - hmm, I must have fallen asleep."

"Oh shit, you were asleep?"

"It's not funny, you jerk!" Chloe cried, suddenly wrenching her legs open so Beca fell between them with a crash.

"OW! God! Asshole! Falling on you is not comfortable!"

"Mmmm."

"Whatever, Yoga Jones."

"Who?"

Beca flipped around, her eyebrows high, "Yoga Jones? 'Orange Is The New Black'?"

Chloe just shook her head.

"Dude, if you're gonna be a lesbian then you gotta watch 'Orange Is The New Black'."

"Oh yeah? Is it a requirement?"

"...Yes!"

"Alright, I'll have to check it out then."

"Dude - how do you - holy shit! I'm almost impressed that you've gone this long without hearing about the show!"

"I live in Henderson! What's it about?"

Beca bit her lip and Chloe felt herself automatically do the same in response, "Candy."

"What?"

"Come on, help me make dinner."

"It's dinner time? How long was I asleep?"

"Forever."

They talked easily as they prepared the food and then sat at the table, something they rarely did.

"So Bec, I've been meaning to ask you, have you talked to Emily recently?"

"Mmm," Beca nodded around a mouthful of food, "I think I have her convinced that she can come over here without ruining her sobriety."

"Oh, that's good! Though, I don't really think it's you she is worried about."

"No, and I think she's probably right that Hunny will be a little weird about it, she's always a little weird when one of our friends joins A.A or N.A."

"That doesn't bother you? I think Emily should be proud of herself, she caught herself before she got too far out of control. That's amazing."

"Oh yeah, totally. I think Hunny..."

"Hmmm. I see."

"I dunno. But anyway, I'm going to see if she wants to get dinner or something soon."

"Can I come?"

"Uh yeah, of course."

They fell silent, preoccupied with their food until Beca cleared her throat a little uncomfortably.

"So does that mean you're staying then? If you're - coming - so then - staying?"

Chloe looked up and saw Beca purposely avoiding her eyes. Was that because she was pleased or because she was disappointed? She took a deep breath but - what did she say? "I don't know. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, totally, that's totally okay to say, yeah." Beca spoke quickly, "I mean, you're welcome here as long as you need, of course, and all of that um, biz, but you know, we haven't really - talked about it, you know Nick or what we're doing or, um, and all of that."

"I know. I'm sorry, I've been avoiding it myself."

"I don't blame you. It kind of sucks."

"I guess so. No, of course, yes, it does. But I kinda wonder-"

"What?"

"Well, I couldn't have been the best wife to him."

"The whole gay thing?"

"Mm-hmm."

"That doesn't give him permission, Chlo."

"Oh, I know that."

A smirk swept across Beca's face, "What do you think his mom did when she found out?" Beca had met Marcy three or four times now but it - it never went well. Marcy didn't 'approve of Beca's style' and Beca thought Marcy was 'a bitch'.

Chloe let out a snort, "I have to assume it was colorful. If he has even told her yet."

"Do you think she'll send the secretary away like they did in the 40's? Like, have her disappear all Mafia style and then have her come back a year later with the baby of a distant relation?"

Chloe laughed, finishing up her plate, "She is kind of young."

"Chlo! The year before last she wasn't even a legal drinker - dude, have you thought about that? She wasn't legally allowed in bars."

"Oh ew!"

"I'm telling you. Cliché." Beca rose, taking their plates and giving her a wink.

"Oh, it is, isn't it? Ugh. Gross."

"He just needs a sports car and a penis pump."

Chloe scowled, ew.

"Does he have a thing for the young ones?"

"No, not necessarily, I mean, not that I've seen. I think that they were just around each other at work all the time and…"

"What does she look like, anyway?"

"Oh," Chloe rose, brought their cups to the sink and began washing them, "you know. Young. Pretty. Kinda hot."

"Chloe."

Chloe smiled when she felt Beca's chin rest on her shoulder, staring her down at a very close range, "You're young. You're pretty. You're hot. Don't say it like that; like she is and you're not." Beca left to grab the last things from the table, leaving Chloe to smile down at the suds.

"Ugh, you know what I have stuck in my head? You remember that song you used to sing like all of my senior year? I haven't thought about that in years until you showed up. It's not fair. I was kinda okay with, you know, never thinking about it again. Ever."

Chloe grinned and softly started singing, knowing just how much Beca loved to hate that song.

"Nooo, now it's going to be even more stuck in my head. You're a dick. Just in case you were curious."

Chloe began to bounce in time, tossing teasing glances over her shoulder as she sang.

"Nooooo!"

"Oh come on, Bec, you know the words."

"Nope. I forgot them."

"Liar." She gave her a scowl and grinning back Beca rolled her eyes, picking up where Chloe had left off.

"Ha!" She let out a giggle, shuffling back and forth in front of the sink, her bare feet sliding easily.

She didn't know how it happened, she never knew how it happened when it came to singing but soon they were both bouncing around the room, singing their hearts out. They didn't even need to think about it. Chloe finished up the dishes and moved on, covering the leftovers and jumping in place as she sang. It was such a simple, uncomplicated kind of happy here.

Ugh and there it was again, that I'm-such-a-badass-I'm-totally-the-shit face that Beca got when she sang, especially when she knew she was killing it, which - she was.

She always killed it.

Chloe loved it.

Why didn't she sing more?

Turning to wrap the bread Beca took the lead, her hips swaying as she finished up and moved on to wiping the counter down.

Chloe watched, rolling her hips, enjoying the laughter in Beca's voice. Her hand went to her stomach, feeling that pressure again, that rushing. Beca sent her a challenging look over her shoulder, that flash of blue dancing with mischief and slowly, like smoke from a cigarette tip, something began to unravel within her.

Her voice picked up and suddenly they were dancing. Chloe wasn't exactly sure how she got over there, wasn't sure exactly when she decided to close the distance between them, but she grabbed Beca, hugging her to her, pleased when Beca didn't pull away. She gave her a tight squeeze and they began to move, laughing easily as Beca slipped into a deep bass that she could absolutely not hit.

It wasn't a big deal; they had danced together like this a million and a half times, rocking in opposite directions, sliding back and forth over one another.

She heard Beca's voice hitch, her note going slightly sour for just a second when Chloe's hands landed on her hips. Chloe ignored it, holding tightly and moving her.

Beca changed the song, in typical Beca fashion, clapping and shaking her ass as the song dictated. Chloe caught on to the change immediately meeting the beat with her, their dancing growing tighter, closer, dipping low, her hips following Beca's little booty shake like a magnet.

They fit.

So well.

They came back up in a roll and there was a noticeable crack in her voice, making her laugh as Beca pressed hard, her voice a bit winded from the dancing, her back tight against Chloe's front, rocking. Each sway, each grind, and pop sending a bolt of dizzy, red wanting through her, straight to her brain, detaching it from its stem and leaving it to free float.

This had become...something more...hadn't it?

She pulled her closer, her hand sliding to the small of Beca's belly. They had done this before too; fun sexy moments that were exactly that. No big deal. It was too good to stop, anyway.

Her heart was pounding everywhere, through every breath of her body, every pore, every cell. She could hear their fast breathing after their little dance session and the sound made her realize they had stopped singing at some point. Her hands were still clutching, one on Beca's hipbone while the other held her to her, and they were still tight against one another but they had stopped dancing, now they were just softly rocking - moving together - and they had stopped singing.

Beca looked over her shoulder at her, grinning her huge grin and Chloe just watched her eyes sparkle with laughter, dazed.

Something was happening, something that shouldn't; she was pretty sure anyway.

She watched Beca's smile, the way Beca's chest was quickly rising and falling and felt a sliver of embarrassment about how fast her own was coming, especially when Beca's wide eyes began to dart, taking in her face.

Her teeth closed down on her own lip as she watched Beca slowly wet her own.

She didn't feel her neck moving, descending, she didn't even notice it was happening until suddenly a small, hiccup of a moan escaped Beca's throat.

Chloe's eyes popped open, and she saw just how close she was, her face a moment away from Beca's about to - do something she could not do. She saw Beca's face; the way her eyes had closed, could feel Beca's fast breath on her lips, could see her hand reaching as though ready to tangle in Chloe's hair.

Instantly she pulled back, another scene flashing before her - Beca's face at the riff off, her cocky dancing swagger. A bolt of lightning went through her and for a second she wondered.

She let out a high laugh, stepping away, trying not to notice that Beca almost fell over when the body she had been pressed against was suddenly gone, "I need to pick up my cardio, I shouldn't be so out of breath. Do you remember that one that we used to sing when we were running?" Sher voice was high, her words muddled together.

It took Beca a second to respond but when she did she let out the same kind of laugh, "Yeah, totally. Um, okay, you ready for some awesome TV?"

"Let's do it!" Chloe cried, perhaps a little overly enthusiastic and gave her a high five so forceful that it made her hand burn. She plopped down on the couch, not thinking, there would be no thinking, not right now, not ever. She already lost her once, she couldn't be - there couldn't be an - she couldn't feel - she just got a little carried away and, her breath was still a little shallow and she wished it would stop. Because she did feel…in the pit of her stomach…she felt…how could she…since when did she…

"You ready?" Beca grabbed the remote, sitting across from her on the opposite side of the couch.

"Yup!" Chloe took a moment to pull up her hair, studying the floor. She couldn't. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't. She couldn't lose her again for something so stupid!

"So there's two seasons right now but Neflix does this thing where they-"

Chloe pulled her legs up, trying to listen to Beca explain but though she tried, though she was - she was watching her speak and all she noticed was the way that Beca's lips moved, the way that they pulled back when she laughed, the way that they thinned and grew plump, the way her chin moved and exactly how near and yet so very far that they were. She tried to listen but her heart was still beating fast as she nodded along, Beca's words turning into white noise. She felt her tongue trace her own dry lip as her mind tumbled, watching Beca stretch, noticing the way her breasts pushed against her shirt as she did, seeing Beca softly scratch her neck and feeling that soft touch as though it was on her own body. Why hadn't her breathing slowed? She saw Beca let out a breathy laugh and she imagined – oh god! This couldn't be happening! Since when was this happening?

"Anyway, you sure you're ready?"

"Totes! Let's go!"

"Alright!"

She hadn't been ready.

Her jaw fell open as she watched the blonde and the brunette under the shower stream, their naked bodies coming together as their lips connected.

She had - she had never seen - anything like that.

Her whole body responded. Her thighs clamped together as she stared, her stomach gave a deep, resonating pooling jump, her mouth popped open and suddenly she was sure she could feel those hips in her hands again, feel the way they moved, remembering the push against the cloth when Beca stretched.

Oh god, she hadn't been ready.

'****'

She had no idea what she was saying, her thoughts weren't coherent at all; she just knew she was talking and talking and talking - but the TV was on so she must have said the right thing.

What the hell had that been?

She wasn't crazy, right?

That had been an almost-kiss.

THEY HAD ALMOST KISSED!

What the hell? She and Chloe didn't almost-kiss. Not ever. Not like that.

They had almost - and then her stupid horny body had stopped it with that stupid sound because you didn't even need to kiss her to make her moan these days apparently but they had almost kissed she wasn't crazy oh god that had actually happened fuck she needed a cigarette how had that almost happened who had done it was it her had she nearly kissed Chloe oh fuck oh fuck! She took a mental deep breath and then popped up, opening the patio doors and standing beside them, lighting a cigarette.

She didn't have a reason for standing by the door, Chloe had never complained about her smoking – well – not in so many words - but - standing good. Away. Standing away good. Standing meant not launching herself.

Her mind was reeling, what the hell?

Oh god, her whole body - turned on - crap - what the hell had that been? Some new gay attaching to the first gay they meet - thing? Probably…still...

But Chloe was constantly flirting with her.

Okay, that was stupid; Chloe had always flirted with her, that meant literally nothing. But then again - she had always been secretly gay too…

She scoffed at herself. Duuuude, don't do it. That was just one of those weird Chloe moments. Don't make it something it wasn't. Even if it was - totally fucking hot.

She felt like she was going to implode, her skin hot, her mouth dry. She poured herself a small drink and swallowed it as one. Her face. She couldn't stop seeing her face, the way she was biting her lip, the way her eyes had started to focus.

FUCK!

Ugh god! She let out a whole body spasm that she was thankful went unnoticed.

Actually, she was pretty sure that Chloe hadn't noticed her getting up - or much of anything. She hadn't moved since she sat down, she hadn't moved at all. Not even a twitch. And she was sitting very straight backed and proper.

She watched as Chloe's head tilted ever so slightly to the side as the blonde on screen did a dance for the raven haired beauty.

A thought popped into Beca's mind. Was this too much for her?

She had no experience, none at all.

Maybe -

As her best friend -

She should, you know, just help her gain a little bit.

Just kind of make out with her a little bit.

You know - for her sake -

Like….now….

Could she handle that?

Could Beca handle that?

She supposed if it was for experience - she could - just - release her on a lesbian club - or maybe make out with her a little and then release her on a lesbian club - or maybe just -

Jesus Christ! She watched the couple come together in a moaning, panting, groping twist. Why the fuck had this freaking been what she decided to put on?

Fuck, she needed a fucking walk.


She didn't even know how much of the show they watched before they both had awkwardly excused themselves to bed with a quick, "Okay, goodnight."

She had no idea but she was dying.

It was just an almost-kiss, it wasn't that big of a deal.

She couldn't sleep.

She tried and she tried but instead she just stared up at the ceiling, pointedly not thinking about Chloe asleep in the next room.

God damn it!

She didn't understand but the more she thought about it, about the possibilities, the more she wanted. She wasn't allowed to want this but...she also wasn't allowed to have a near kiss with Chlo either.

She rubbed her legs together under her blankets, imagining.

Oh god, what was she going to do with herself?

Her hand absently passed across her stomach, fingers twitching; it wasn't as though these nights were new, nights of lying in bed, biting her lip and imagining those light pink lips moving across her belly button. She had become very familiar with the non-corporeal feeling of her imagined lips in college – and after – but -

Her phone gave off a small chime and, frowning, Beca grabbed it from the nightstand.

'Yo, if you're not dead to the world, I'm coming up. You better be awake for this here booty call, bitch.'

She wasn't exactly sure how she felt as she read Hunny's text, at least not at first. Her frown deepened, realizing she had hoped it was someone else.

Then she was up, speeding down the stairs and throwing open the front door.

"Heyyy-aaah!"

Beca had, in a very good Chloe impression, quite literally leapt on her, her lips on Hunny's, down her neck and back, her hands pushing up under Hunny's shirt and bra in a second.

"Miss me, huh?" Hunny laughed.

"No." She bit at the skin under her mouth, reaching around and closing the door behind them.


The look on Chloe's face when she saw Hunny the next morning would have been comical - if it had been funny and not riddled Beca's stomach with guilt.

Why did she care? Why did she feel guilty? A near kiss was exactly that, just a near kiss. It had been stopped for a reason, right?

"Hunny, you're back!" Chloe gave her a polite smile, "How is the shooting going?"

Beca didn't miss the way that Chloe walked around the kitchen like she owned the place and though she looked friendly enough, her smile wide and her eyes alight as usual, Beca also could see the slight tension in the corner of her lips. Chloe tossed a glance her way giving Beca heart palpitations and a thoroughly winded feeling.

"Great! Best season yet. O.M.G. Bex, you'll never guess who is sleeping with who this season."

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Uh-uh, you'll have to wait until it airs."

"Oh yeah? Um, yaaaay." Beca did her best to avoid Chloe's amused gaze, knowing she was the only person who she had told exactly how much she hated Hunny's TV show. It was just - it was so stupid! It was just a bunch of people fucking, fighting and getting drunk - she literally saw that every time she went to The Royal or out anywhere with more than two lesbians at a time. Why would you sit and watch a show about it? What was the point?

"So what are you up to today?" Hunny asked, turning her back on Chloe.

Chloe just shrugged and headed out to the backyard, pausing to give Beca a huge kiss on the temple.

Beca blinked a little stupidly for a minute. She used to do that all of the time but - errr - system error - system error. Don't think about her lips. Don't think about how out of breath she was, the way she had kind of been panting – like she would if - don't - stop it - Beca! - STAP!

"Uh, nothing really."

"So what?" Hunny asked in a whisper as soon as Chloe had left the room, "Did she move in? I really don't like this."

Beca scoffed before she thought, "I really don't care what you think, Hun." A look of pure war crossed Hunny's face so Beca backtracked, "No, she didn't move in but don't start acting like a jealous girlfriend now. You never wanted to be like that, I never wanted to be like that, let's not start now just because there's another ginger in my second bedroom."

"Fake ginger," Hunny grumbled, lighting a cigarette.

Beca laughed, "So because you have to dye it that means everyone does?"

"I do not!" Hunny gasped.

"Dude, you come over every few weeks smelling like ammonia. No judgment, but you definitely dye your hair."

"Okay fine."

"Plus, I've seen her naked and uh, yeah, she's a natural redhead."

"WHAT?"

But Beca was already running for cover, cackling.

The afternoon was awkward; exactly how it had been in the hospital. Hunny was all about lying beside the pool drinking and smoking, which she was doing in vast quantities. Beca joined her a bit but Chloe did not, instead she spent the afternoon in the kitchen, far from them, baking something that - Beca was fairly sure even Chloe didn't know what it was supposed it be.

She really - she just wanted a few minutes to talk to her, ask her about the night before but then again - maybe she should take a cue from her and pretend it never happened. That was probably the best thing, right? Talking about it would just point out the discomfort.

Only - what if it had meant something? What if - she took a deep breath and let herself think - what if maybe she did stand a chance now?

"Hey, Bex."

"Hmm?" she grumbled, halfway between reality and fantasy and happy to stay there.

"You should call Emily. I haven't seen her in forever."

"She's sober, Hunny."

"What? No! You're kidding!"

"Nope. Done a damn good job too. Kid's got skills."

"Well no wonder she's not answering my texts. Fucking shit, but she doesn't need to be sober, she was always fine."

"I think that's kinda up to her."

"Ugh." Hunny dipped under the water.

"You could be a little supportive, you know." Beca called once she was back up, "I mean, it's not easy and I know you don't like to party alone but she made a choice, right?"

"It's just stupid. She's going to be another one of those people who suffers through like a year of those stupid meetings before they realize that it's not for them."

It did happen, especially out here. Artists who felt that perhaps they needed to be a little more tortured and would convince themselves they had a problem. Only, Beca wasn't so sure that was true for Emily. She had never really thought about it, not in that way. It had always just been a fact; Emily and Hunny were the life of the party, the drinkers. But now that Emily had put a label on herself – 'alcoholic' – Beca could see it. This wasn't new. She had heard of the parties that Emily's Bellas had thrown. She had heard that Emily had liked to drink, even then. Hollywood – well it as a breeding ground for that type of thing, wasn't it? "Even if that's true, that's kinda her right. You gotta be supportive, Hun. Be a good friend and just let her do her thing. Plus, you know, what if there was a day that I decided to go dry? I would kinda expect you, as my friend, to be supportive so just think of Em as a test run."

"Don't you dare, Beca! Ugh, what is wrong with my women? I leave for five minutes and come back to pandemonium!"

"Okay to be fair, I think it's pandemonium we're trying to avoid, Hun."

Beca's phone started to vibrate.

New York? Who the hell did she know in New York? Was it a Bella?

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm looking for, er, House Bex?"

"Um, this is Beca?"

"Is that the same person as House Bex?"

"Um people - call me - that. Sometimes." For whatever reason. "I'm sorry who is this?"

"Oh, sorry! Hi Beca, do you mind if I call you Beca? I don't know if I can take anyone named 'House Bex' seriously."

"You go right on ahead and call me whatever you want." She didn't know who it was but if they were looking for 'House Bex' then P.J. probably sent them.

"Great. My name is Kendra, I'm with 'Moment One', I'm -"

Beca sat up straight, "Kendra as in Kendra - Kendra? 'Flashlight' Kendra?"

"Yeah, you remember me!" Was she kidding? "How are you doin', girl? We haven't spoken since you were in college."

Even then it had only been the once.

Kendra was - huge - she was like the second biggest client 'Moment One' had. Why the hell was she calling her? Kendra wasn't even local, she lived, oh yeah, she lived in New York. So it wasn't like she was looking for someone to take her out this weekend because she was bored.

Shit, did P.J. know she was calling her? "I'm good! I'm great! How are you? How's New York?"

"Far superior to L.A. in just about every way." They both took a second to laugh.

"Yeah well us Angels aren't supposed to like you New Yorkers either. Lucky for you I wasn't born here so I'll let that one slide."

"It's alright, the Yankees creamed the Angels last week so I can rest my case."

Beca grinned, she liked Kendra already. I mean, she was a little obligated since Kendra buying 'Flashlight' was the thing that got her the job she now had but she had always gotten a really cool down to earth vibe from the woman - the whole one time they had spoken. "So what can I do for you, Kendra? I'm surprised to hear from you. P.J. offer me up as a tour guide?"

"Yeah, so, about that."

Uh oh.

Beca quickly did a mental scroll, trying to think of some way that she could have messed something up. She supposed that the DUI hearing she had gone to a few days post hospital release had probably made her, let's call it a blunder, a bit more public. Did Kendra want to cut all ties with her? Were there any ties to cut?

"You know that I'm due back in California soon, correct?"

"Uh yeah, I had heard." She had actually planned pre- accident to try and meet her.

"Well I came back to speak with P.J. about the next album and I was very upset to see what the studio had become over the last few years. I mean, have you seen it there lately, girl? I walked in and it was like swimming through a cloud of weed and vodka."

Beca gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Uh-huh. Well. I've got thirteen months sober and I just, I couldn't hang there, you know? EZTeez is a great guy but he and I just don't have the same priorities anymore. I'm there to make music, you know? I love a good time, a little too much, but my last album could have gone platinum, only I was partying too much when I was recording and fucked it up."

"Uh-huh." God, this clean and sober thing was a thing right now, wasn't it? She didn't know if it could have gone platinum per se, but it really could have been better; just a few things here and there that she had noticed.

"P.J. told me you're going to take over the second studio, the one that Anthony used to run waaaaay back when."

Beca's mouth popped open but nothing came out. He had? So then...not fired….maybe? Kinda? Or…maybe he had told her that pre accident…

"I was thinking, that when I come into town we could get together and maybe discuss some ideas I have."

Beca was on her feet and she hadn't even realized it, "As in, working together - you want to work together? On your next album?" She didn't mean like - cleaning out her car or running to get her food, did she?

"I would like to discuss it. I really liked your style. 'Flashlight' was good. I know you were working with another girl but I'm curious to see what else you got."

"Yeah! Are you kidding? Absolutely! That would be totally dope, I mean, um," She cleared her throat and tried again, "Yes, I would be happy to meet and discuss the album. Do you have a sample track ready?"

"Yeah, I can send it to you tonight."

"Yeah, please do and I'll take some notes before we meet."

"I know I'm not giving you a lot of time with this."

"That's okay. I'm good under pressure."

By the time they got off the phone Beca had a meeting set up and she was completely and totally speechless. "Wha- just - happe-whoaaa-holy shit."

"Hey Bex, I'm going to invite Jeremy over. He's got something for me."

Beca didn't hear her. She spent a few seconds nonverbally twitching in place before she spun on her heels and started inside, her hands frozen in the air as though if she kept holding them out they would eventually be able to grasp and hold what the fuck had just happened.

"Dude!"

"What? I'll clean up, I promise!" Chloe jumped, a small dusting of white falling from her cheek and curls.

"I have a meeting with Kendra."

"Kendra? As in 'Flashlight' Kendra?"

"Yeah." Beca said slowly, scratching her head and trying hard to force the thought to make any kind of sense, "She wants to talk about her next album."

"She wants you to do it?" Chloe was bouncing on her toes ever so slightly, looking like she was about to explode with excitement.

"Yeah?"

"OH MY GOD, BECA!" Chloe threw her arms around her, dancing them around in a circle, "That's amazing! You so deserve this!"

"I don't even - know - what is happening right now - like - did that just happen?"

But Chloe wasn't done cheering, holding her in a vise grip.

"This is so great! You're gonna rock this, Beca style."

"Beca style?" She laughed.

"Absolutely!"

"Oh my god, I feel like I can't breathe."

Chloe just grinned, resting her forehead against Beca's and giving her a quick nose bump and Eskimo kiss that sent aftershocks through every part of Beca's body and mind, "I'm so proud of you!" Then she was back at the counter, mixing.

"I just - I don't know if I can do this."

"Is this something you want?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course this is something that I want. I mean - holy shit, dude, holy freaking shit! This could make me – legit."

"Great! Then you can do it. I know you can. And I'll help, however I can. You got this."

Beca watched her sunny face in amazement; she could see pride shining off of her like gold dust, the simple happiness that Beca was happy.

She felt her stomach swirl, clenching as it tried to project the words she knew she shouldn't say. Oh god, swallow it down, swallow it down. Things were more complicated now that Chloe was gay and - she knew - about - that former feelings thing. Beca couldn't say that anymore and have it pass off as something other than exactly what it was.

So instead she gave her a large smile, her thoughts drifting into sad waters as she watched her beam at her.

She just - she - just wanted to kiss her so badly. Just once. Just one kiss. Just enough to express - "So what are you making? Wait, no, let me correct that, what are you trying to make?"

"I was craving a popover." Chloe's lips twisted uncertainty as she eyed the mess with comical guilt and the feeling in Beca's stomach grew.

She had a meeting with a real artist, someone who just wanted to make music, and Chloe was here and - everything was alright.

Beca just smiled back.

"So what the hell just happened?" Hunny came stomping in, clearly agitated.

"We should celebrate tonight, Bec."

Beca grinned in response to Chloe. She hadn't taken her out anywhere but The Royal, had she? She should totally fix that.

"What – just - happened?"

"Err," she had just kind of left Hunny out there, hadn't she?

Oops.

She explained in quick words, surprised when Hunny was just as excited as Chloe had been and planted a huge kiss on her lips. "Thanks." She chuckled awkwardly. "Um, Chlo. It's kind of late in the day, I would have been there already if I had known but, I think the time has come. I need to go in. It's been a week."

Chloe sighed, "I think you're right. You nervous?"

"Yeah, a little, I'm not sure how-"

"I'll go with you! I'll drive us." Hunny interrupted.

Both brunette and redhead turned to her fast but it was Beca who said, "Are you sure you can drive?" Hunny and her margaritas had been friends that morning.

"AAAACK GAWD, don't become one of those people, Bex!"

Chloe frowned.

"I'll get an Uber. Just let me shower first. I'll text EZ."

"No, Hunny, I'll call him!" Beca cried, annoyed. "He is - my freaking client," she grumbled, pulling out her phone before Hunny could. If she was going to be in the studio then she wanted to talk about that abysmal track.

"Heeey lil' mama, how's it healin'?"

"Consider me healed and having learned a valuable lesson. Just ignore the bruises."

"School of hard knocks baby, school of hard knocks."

"Right so, I'm heading into the studio. Can you meet me? I wanna talk about this track you've been working on without me."

"Shit is dope, right?"

"Uuuum, dunno, let's talk about it in a little while."

"Alright, alright, listen, I got some Oakland brothas in today and I'm gonna show 'em some of the sights, you in?"

"Any sight besides The Royal?"

"Why go anywhere when you got paradise on your hands in one place?"

"Riiight. Paradise. Um, just meet me at the studio and we'll talk."

"Yeah so, let's get real for a minute. You know, lil' mama, P.J., he's been treatin' me real good."

Panic started in her chest. She couldn't lose EZ, he was her ticket, her biggest client. Shit.

"He gets my style, ya dig? Brotha to brotha."

She knew what that meant.

She had always wanted a little more from him than he wanted to give; push through that track one more time, smoke one less joint. EZ didn't really want a job, he didn't really want to work; he wanted a fun hobby that made him money.

"Well, meet me and we'll talk, alright? Don't make any decisions, cool?"

"Naw, no way. I'll be there."

Beca lit another cigarette, her mind losing focus. The elation she had just felt about Kendra was somehow diffused.

There was no way Kendra would want her if she didn't have any active clients. Plus, then P.J. would see he didn't need her and fuckkkk.

"Going out tonight?"

Beca looked up, uncertain, "Apparently."

'****'

What Chloe didn't understand was there was a call for a different type of life in the studio, that was clear, look at Kendra. But she could tell as she watched Beca mechanically slide off her chair and go get ready that Beca had just been called back to the world she had never officially left. Her face had been smooth since the accident; the stress lines morphing into laugh lines. Even when she had been listening to the track that P.J. had sent her she hadn't looked haggard or nervous, but one phone call to EZ and she already looked like she had been working nonstop for a month.

She could tell something had just happened but she wasn't sure what.

There was nothing she could do about it. This was Beca's job.

It was true that she wanted to. She wanted to ask Beca not to go to the club tonight; to be the change that Beca said she wanted to see in her life but though she was here for Beca, she knew she couldn't do that. Beca had to make that choice herself.

Not that she could talk about choices that needed to be made for a better life. Not at all.

She watched Beca and Hunny leave with a small smile, butterflies in her stomach.

She had a whole afternoon, possibly even all night as well, to herself.

Normally she liked alone time, time to just be with herself, to think, to read, but these days she had too much going on. She didn't like it.

She tried to keep herself occupied but slowly the thoughts started to creep in. There were too many these days, especially after the night before.

She tried to swim them off, tried to clean them away, tried to run fast enough that they couldn't catch her but with no luck.

Beca was hot.

Okay, she had always known that.

Literally always.

But she hadn't been thinking about that when she had taken Beca's hips and started dancing. She didn't know what she had been thinking. She hadn't been thinking. Then Beca had begun to wiggle, rubbing herself into her and making her feel things - that she had never once felt before.

She had wanted that kiss.

She couldn't deny that at all.

The thought of it, the thought of Beca's body against hers, it made her sweat and pace.

And...

She knew she was gay, okay? She knew it. She didn't have much to go on and yes it had taken finding herself wrapped around another woman with a nipple in her mouth for the thought to finally occur to her - but she knew it was true.

That meant that she had the whole gay world to be attracted to. All gay women could be hers if she wanted them but last night as she had watched the women kiss and pet on screen - she had only been thinking of one woman.

All she had wanted to do was reach across the couch and pull her to her.

The thought, it had been so arousing; arousing in a way that was new, completely uncharted territory. It had made her twitch and twist, growing uncomfortably damp and – confused.

There was no hesitance like there was with Nick, no obligation, no worry, and there was no agitation like there had always been with Tom; just a burning desire that had spread through her like a wildfire.

And this couldn't happen.

This could not happen!

Beca was hot but there were plenty of other hot women in the world. She couldn't allow herself to be attracted to her.

She was her best friend!

You don't cross that line!

It wasn't right or fair.

Beca had loved her once, enough to cut her out of her life to avoid the pain.

She couldn't - she couldn't see her that way -

Oh my god, when had everything in her life gotten to be so complicated?

She tucked herself into bed late that night after having spent a few hours dozing on the couch and doing her best not to be worry-wart Chloe about the fact that she hadn't heard from Beca - about the fact that her thoughts centered mainly around Beca.

She tried to sleep. She could always sleep these days, always, and she had found herself doing it in some pretty strange places too but now that she wanted to simply wake up and have it be morning, she couldn't. Her phone went off and she was disappointed to see that it was Nick. For a moment her thumb hovered over the accept button, knowing that she had to talk to him eventually but instead she just put the phone back down.

She began to hum, soothing herself and eventually she started to nod off.

She wasn't sure what time it was when she woke but she was instantly nervous. She laid there quietly for a few minutes just listening to the sounds of the empty house.

You never realize how large a place is until you're alone in it. Maybe it was the sense of foreboding in her stomach but suddenly she couldn't remember if she had heard that creaking noise before on other nights.

Had the AC always been so loud?

Her head came up off the pillow as she could swear she heard a footstep on the stairs.

Oh my god, Chloe, you're an adult.

What was that?!

She let out a loud yelp as a huge crash from downstairs. Her groggy brain began to pick up, showing her images of robbers in black and white striped shirts, putting Beca's belongings into large bags with dollar signs on them.

A little freaked, she pulled herself from the bed, tiptoeing to the door. She could hear voices and felt a small smile of pleasure pop when she realized Beca was home. Oh, but with Hunny.

Boo.

Still, she skipped down the stairs and to the living room.

"Oh wow."

The words just popped from her mouth as she came around the corner and saw them all: Beca flopped on the couch, her feet hanging over the top while Hunny was trying to light a cigarette, stumbling back and forth, Emily sprawled face down on the floor. "Oh my god, Emily, are you okay?"

The girl's head popped up and she gave Chloe a one-eyed stare and a thumbs up, "Tripped. There's a table there. Everyone be careful!" she called, "There is a table - right there!"

"Ohhh, Emily, nooo!" A sliver of sadness passed as she realized they were drunk - all three of them, "You've been working so hard!" Chloe's arms crossed around herself as she watched Hunny snicker, nearly falling over again.

Beca's neck twisted around, the better to see their newcomer. "Heeeey, pretty lady!" She watched with mounting horror as Beca tried to right herself, looking like a turtle that had been flipped on his back and letting out an I'm-stuck squall. Finally Beca was up, having given up righting herself and flopped to the floor and started stumbling to her. "How was your night? What'd you do?" Beca wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in her neck and ugh, she reeked.

"Beca." She said mournfully, "Emily."

"Yeaaah! I found an Emily! Yay!"

A deep sense of grief filled her as she watched Emily trying to stand up, Hunny laughing and trying to help, only to fall herself. They looked like the least funny Three Stooges skit ever.

How could they all be okay like this? The front door was wide open. She could see keys right by it, had one of them driven?

"OW!" Emily cried as she stood, only to run into the table again.

"Dude! Lookoutforthetable!" Beca pointed, stumbling in place and nearly knocking Chloe over.

Emily hadn't even gotten to thirty days yet. She hadn't even gotten to a full two weeks yet. This - it was terrible.

She watched Hunny laugh, waving her cigarette at Emily and joyfully calling, "You drunk asshole."

She sounded so happy about it.

Emily grinned back like she had just called her the funniest thing ever.

Chloe opened her mouth and, to all of their surprise, a fury like none they had ever seen flowed from it, "Beca, what the hell are you doing? You almost died! Do you want that to happen again? You say you want a different life but this isn't different!" She watched Beca's slack face blink, trying to process the suddenly furious woman in front of her. "Hunny," she turned, "don't you care that she almost died? The bruises haven't even fully faded yet! Look!" She clutched Beca's jaw, turning her face so the bruise across her cheekbone stood out, "You're all but her girlfriend! What about her wellbeing? Don't you care? What about yours? Don't any of the three of you care about your fucking wellbeing?"

"Oh GOD!" Hunny cried, staring up at the ceiling, "Go back to bed! Your voice is annoying me!"

"Hey!" Emily cried.

"Don't say that! Chloe has an awesome voice. You just don't know."

She should have been pleased by Beca's defense but instead, it just made her all the angrier, especially when Beca's hand closed on her hips, trying to pull her back to her, "No Beca! You don't get to use the fact that you're drunk as an excuse to cuddle up to me right now!"

"I didn't have a choice. I had to see EZ and they wanted to celebrate Kendra." Beca said in a small voice, "It's fine. It's not a big deal."

"Oh no!" She rounded on her.

"He was going to walk, Chloe!"

"So you get him back by once again being something other than what you are? Who you really are?"

"Maybe this is who she is now." She heard Hunny at the bottom of the stairs but they both ignored her.

"You're so freaking talented, Bec, you have so much to offer, so much more than a laugh and a good time! Do you think this is who Kendra wants? Because I'm pretty sure Kendra wants Beca Mitchell, the creator of 'Flashlight', captain of the Bellas, not House Bex," she cried, waving her hands sarcastically at the nickname. "She called because you and you," Emily jumped like she had been whipped when the yelling woman pointed at her, "made something amazing together. You did! Without having to buy her off with drinks or drugs. 'Flashlight' was amazing. And the longer you keep telling yourself that this is no big deal, Bec, the more it won't be because it will be normal, because this will be your life. Do you think it's not a big deal for Emily? She hadn't even reached fourteen days yet!"

"Heeeeey, I'm right here! I can hear you!"

"Exactly! Good! Emily, what are you thinking? Was it worth it?" She took a deep breath and tried again minus the yelling, "Sweetie, really, was it worth it?"

Emily let out a loud scoff, a bit of spit flying, "I uh- don't tell me what to do, Chloe! You're not my captain anymore!"

"No, but I'm your friend." She came down the stairs, reaching for the drunken girl but she backed away fast, hitting the table and falling over again. "You're better than this. You are both so much better than this! You both deserve so much more than to bury your light under a bottle of whiskey!"

She heard Hunny scoff to her right.

Her head snapped around, "I'm not so sure that you are better than this, though." It was a cheap, angry shot but it made Chloe feel a little bit better.

Hunny looked at her for a second and started to laugh. "Oh stop being a bitch and judging us. You don't know anything about us. We're just celebrating Bex's new client. Plus," she gave a smug little shrug, biting down on her cigarette, "we had a situation that needed rectifying."

Chloe stared, unbelieving as she watched Hunny run her hand through her hair.

She was proud. She was proud that she had helped Emily jump from her newly found wagon. This woman, she was a parasite, a vulture. She saw Hunny cast Emily a glance and she saw the little wink that she gave her.

A spring suddenly snapped loose.

These people were her friends.

These people were her family.

And she was encouraging them to hurt themselves - because she thought it was fun.

A streak of stubborn, protective fury washed through her.

She was - evil!

Chloe took two steps, two small little steps and - smack - she had slapped Hunny across the face. "Get out."

Hunny's face dropped into open shock.

The entire room went silent.

She didn't care that this wasn't her home, she didn't care that she had no right to kick Hunny out, she just wanted her gone. "HOW DARE YOU?! WHAT KIND OF A HUMAN BEING ARE YOU? GET - OUT!"

"This isn't your-"

"GET OUT! NOW!"

"Holy shit." She heard Beca gasp from behind her.

She watched Hunny's face. She was done. She was done being insulted by this woman, she was done watching this woman push Beca and Emily toward bad choices, she was done watching her kiss her, watching her touch her, she was done watching her plague spread to others, her disease.

She saw Hunny look over her shoulder, looking for support from Beca - and then look away when she found none. Her hand went to her cheek, softly rubbing it.

She couldn't believe she had done it. She had never slapped someone in her entire life but as she watched Hunny take a step backward and toward the door, she knew she wouldn't regret it. She didn't want to cause Hunny pain but Hunny had to go.

She stared until Hunny had disappeared, neither pleased nor upset, simply determined. Chloe chewed her cheek. They weren't going to protect Emily's sobriety, that much was clear, even Emily wasn't going to protect it right now - but Chloe was - at least, she was going to try, she had to try at least once. She had to fight for their youngest Bella.

"Chloe-"

She turned, taking a quick breath. Beca was fine. Beca would be fine. But she wasn't completely sure that Emily would be fine. "Bec, please go to bed."

"Chlo-"

She looked up, straight into Beca's eyes, wordlessly telling her that right now she needed to give them space, "Okay."

The room was silent as Beca climbed the stairs.

Emily squeaked when Chloe turned on her, her face red and angry. "Whatever you're goi-hey -stop! Let go! Let fucking go!"

Slowly, carefully, Chloe had reached for her, ignoring her as she hissed and spit like a cat being dropped into water. She pulled her into a tight hug, not knowing if this was the right thing to do or not. "Emily, you can do this. You really can. I believe in you. So much."

"Stop trying-"

But Chloe wouldn't let her go.

"I'm FINE! STOP!"

But Chloe just held her.

Emily struggled and then with a frustrated yell gave up, standing stiffly in Chloe's arms. So Chloe held tighter, pressing until she felt Emily's face fall to her shoulder, stiff as a board, but hiding in her hair.

When she finally did pull away it was only to take Emily's face between her hands, "Call your sponsor."

"What? No! Fuck no! Look, I was wrong, alright, I'm not an alcoholic."

"Sweetie, I'm saying this because I care about you. If that were true then you wouldn't be drunk right now."

"You just don't get it! You have no idea what you're talking about! You're WRONG!"

She took a deep breath and said as calmly, as matter of factly as she could, "Emily, you gave all of us his number just in case something like this happened. I will lock you in the bathroom and call him but I would really rather you did it." She saw a wave of fear, so pure, so true pass through Emily's eyes. "It's important."

Emily's lips pulled down into a shaky pout, "I don't, I don't want to do that."

"I know," she hugged her again, "I can't begin to imagine how hard it is. But it's worth it. You told me that yourself, remember?"

Emily pulled out her phone, looking at it like it might bite her.

"It's okay sweetie. Everyone makes mistakes and we're here to help you."

Emily gave a great sniff and searched for the contact. "Blake? It's Emily. I - I made a mistake."

Blake hadn't been able to get there for another hour and so Chloe spent that hour listening, rocking the girl as she cried. When he arrived Chloe took her leave, stepping outside on the patio, breathing in the cooler night air.

Fall was coming. How had the year gone by so quickly? It was only the beginning of September but she could feel it in the air.

She studied the stars and felt her own frustrated, angry tears come.

What was she doing here?

Trying to help or not, what was she doing here?

This was not her life. This was not her path. This was not her fight.

It wasn't her choice. None of this was her choice to make.

She loved Beca. She loved Emily.

She only wanted to help but what if this wasn't her place?

It wasn't her place.

Emily had called her when Beca was hurt. She had called her to swoop in and save the day, just like the Bellas had done for every breakdown, every worry. They had called Beca when it was something about the Bellas or about school and Chloe when it was personal.

It had always been her job in college to pick them all up and put them back together, it had always been her job in all of her lives.

See someone hurting. Soothe the pain.

See someone needing. Make sure they got what can help.

And for Beca…This was how it had always worked before. She had always been the one to be there to hip check Beca back in line when she lost her way. Always. And Beca had done the same for her, kicking her ass back into line when she had stumbled, or worse when she simply froze.

But things change over time.

Maybe that wasn't how it should work anymore.

Maybe she was wrong.

She loved them, so she couldn't just walk away from them.

She was so scared for them.

Maybe she shouldn't even be here.

She was still awake, still brooding in the living room when she heard Beca's feet on the stairs again, her groggy zombie-like groan.

The sight of her rounding into the kitchen with a cigarette and hiding behind her glasses only made Chloe feel worse.

She was so angry these days. Angry at Nick. Angry at Beca. Angry at Hunny.

Angry at herself.

And scared.

She was always so scared.

"Oh, err, sorrry, I was – sorry. I didn't see you there at first. Um. You're up early." She could see Beca pausing, tasting her mood.

Chloe wrapped the blanket she was in a bit tighter around herself, "I'm not up early. I never slept. There's a difference." She just - she didn't know what to do.

Beca scowled, "Wait, are you mad? Why the hell are you mad? I've been up for like .2 seconds."

"I'm not mad."

"No, no, that was totally just girl speak for I'm fucking mad. Why are you mad, Chlo?"

She felt her teeth grit. She didn't really want to answer, "Because what the hell are you doing, Beca? You're scaring me! You almost died but you're right back on that path. After one night – it only took one night for you to do the same things! It's going to happen again! And I can't stand it, I can't watch it happen, I can't do it, Beca."

Beca let out a long, somewhat demeaning groan, the kind of groan that let Chloe know she was already defensive and therefore going to fight, "Look, I'm doing better. I'm not out as late, I'm not partying as hard, minus a few celebratory drinks. I've only gone out once! Okay. Once! I'm gonna meet with Kendra and get this studio started. Your mission is completed. Operation Save Beca from Herself is done. You can go back to your high and mighty life now, 'kay, Chlo? Hunny and I got this."

Chloe's head snapped around, taking in the causal distance of the woman, "My high and mighty life? My high and mighty life?" She didn't want to fight with Beca, not at all but here she was, reacting to the look on Beca's face before she could stop herself. "Are you kidding me Beca? My life is anything but high and mighty, you know that! And you and Hunny? Please tell me that was a joke! I've been so nice to her despite everything so I can't anymore! You have the worst taste in women! Do you remember what you were like around that blonde from D.S.M? She was horrible, she made fun of you, she talked down to you and yet you were so damn gobsmacked that you couldn't even talk around her!"

"Hunny is nothing like Kommissar!"

"You remember her name?!"

"No!" Beca stumbled back a little, guilt on her face.

"God, Beca! Why do you have such terrible taste in women?"

"Well, I love you. So, what does that say?"

Chloe gasped. It was like her own personal version of a slap in the face but Beca went on so quickly that there was no stopping her.

"Look. Leave Hunny alone! She kind of sucks sometimes and yeah, we're not totally together, but she's been around for a year! A whole year, Chlo! That's the longest anyone has stuck around!"

"I was around for six!"

Beca scoffed, "Oh yeah, Mrs. Cavanaugh?"

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME, BECA!"

It had just exploded from her, the thing they didn't talk about, not outside of a joke or two; the thing they didn't say.

Beca had been in love with her. In love with her. A fact that still made her mind melt into dizzying confusion and a blur of colors and tastes she wasn't sure she understood.

Beca shook her head, "Unfreakingbelievable! Right, Chlo! You had no idea!" She yelled back, her face going red. "In all the years we knew one another, you never had a single freaking idea. Right. Denial much? Just like you didn't kiss me when you were last here. But oh, I know, we don't talk about that, right? We don't talk about the fact that you kissed me or the fact that you're married yet camping out in my house looking at me with those puppy eyes! Or the fact that you almost kissed me again! Yeah, no...let's not talk about any of that! Because that's what you do, Chlo! That's what you fucking do! Too hard? Avoid it! Too scary? Avoid it, pretend like it isn't there, isn't happening! You can't just avoid everything in life that scares you, Chloe! Me, Nick, the future! Fuck, your current! You can't! It won't just go away!"

Chloe was chewing on her lip, biting it so hard it hurt. She wanted to speak, she wanted to yell right back but she had words caught in her throat. "Beca, I didn't know."

"Would it have mattered if you did?" Beca shot back.

She couldn't - she had no idea - she, "Okay, this is not even the point! What about Emily? If you don't care about taking care of yourself, if you don't actually care about chasing your hopes and dreams then what about Emily's?"

Beca rubbed her forehead, and even through her glasses Chloe couldn't look at her. They both knew that Chloe had just done it again. Avoided. "What about Emily, Chlo?"

"Do you not remember her sobbing drunkenly on the couch last night? I had to make her sponsor come and get her."

Beca's face fell open, slack, "What? She got drunk with us? Why don't I remember that?"

"Because you were too drunk! This is my point! This is why it scares me!"

"She lost her sobriety?"

"YES!"

She watched Beca process.

"Really?" Her voice cracked as she asked.

"Yeah, Bec, the three of you came home last night pretty wasted."

"Fuck!"

She could hear Beca's voice shaking, she watched as a tear rolled out from under Beca's sunglasses and reached out for her, "Bec, I'm sorry. I don't want to be fighting." She pulled her in, kissing her cheek. Beca wouldn't come to her, not fully so Chloe just held her to her, letting Beca stand there in her embrace, "I - you're right - I'm avoiding – I - there are some things that I don't know how to deal with."

"Well you have to." Beca sniffed, the tears pouring so fast they dripped from her chin and onto Chloe's shirt. "That's how it works, Chlo."

"I just - I don't know how."

"Talk to me. I'm right fucking here," Beca wailed, her chin shaking as she wiped fast, trying to keep her face clean of the wet evidence.

Chloe hated that her words had made Beca cry like this. She knew that Beca cared, she should have been softer, less angry.

"I don't even know if I should be here, Bec. This isn't my choice. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? Who-"

"No!" Beca's voice was loud beside her ear, her sudden vise-like grip painful.

"What?"

"Please don't' - no, Chloe, I need someone in my corner. Someone who thinks - I can be better."

Overwhelmed, Chloe hugged her, sighing when Beca finally buried herself in her, wrapping herself in like she had just found home.

"Emily's been working so hard."

"I know, sweetie, I know."

"Was I really a part of that?"

Chloe opened her mouth but - she couldn't say it again.

"God, I was. I did that. Me and Hunny. I let Emily give up on herself like that. God, who am I?" She pulled back, pushing Chloe away. "Who the fuck am I?"

"Beca-"

"I need - I need some air."

"Beca! Please don't leave."

But Beca was already gone.

'****'

Beca needed Hunny.

That was the problem.

She had always needed Hunny.

She still needed Hunny.

Hunny was perfect for her.

She didn't need to love her, Hunny didn't mind.

She didn't need to be her girlfriend; Hunny liked fucking other people just as much as fucking Beca.

Hunny wanted nothing from her but occasional sex and a good time.

Hunny was perfect for someone who was an expert at being secretly in love with their best friend.

She knew Hunny was an enabler, she had always known that.

She loved that about Hunny.

Beca was a runner. That was not new information. She had run from her dysfunctional family. She had run from the Bellas - more than once. She ran from Jesse their entire relationship. She ran from Chloe. Hell, she had an Olympic medal in running from Chloe.

Beca was a runner.

The best thing about Hunny was she only helped that, giving her the ability to run mentally as much as she ran physically.

It was the best part of Hunny.

And Hunny had been there for her.

She couldn't just throw Hunny over.

But she knew. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what had happened last night.

Hunny had probably thought it was funny. It had happened before. She had once teased that it was her civic duty.

She had no idea how the hell she got Emily to join them in the first place and she had no idea how she had gotten Emily to take that drink but she knew that Hunny had done it on purpose. Emily had been Hunny's favorite drinking buddy.

So she had 'fixed' the situation.

And Beca hadn't stopped it.

Beca didn't even remember it.

Chloe was kind of fucked up right now, she knew that. She had a lot going on, too busy running from her life. She was interfering and nosy and annoying but she could never do something like whatever Hunny had done. All of her insistence that Beca should change was - because Beca needed to. If she wanted to have the life that she wanted, then Chloe was right. She was just looking out for her, as she had done so many times.

Chloe, unlike Hunny, had a heart of gold.

What kind of a person does what Hunny did?

What kind of person does what Beca did?

Really horrible ones.

That's who.

Really, horrible, terrible, assholes.

She took a deep breath, paying the cab driver and slipped out.

She had no idea what she was going to say to her, she didn't even know why she was here.

But she knew that she didn't want to be the type of person who watched their friend stumble off the wagon and enjoyed it.

She knocked on the front door, waiting for Hunny to answer.

What was she going to do?

What was she going to do about a lot of things?

Damn it.

And of course, Hunny wasn't home.

She turned, sitting on the step.

What was she going to do?

"God damn it!"

'****'

She didn't know if she felt warm and fuzzy or cold.

Beca had said that she wanted her to stay. Granted it was in Beca-speak, but it had still been said. But then, when she was upset, she had taken off, running from her.

Beca had also said a lot of things that were very true.

Her phone started to vibrate and she pulled it from her back pocket, "Hey, Brey."

"Finally!"

"What?"

"I've been calling you for like ten minutes. Nick is right, you're so bad at picking up the phone."

"Um, what?"

"Still in L.A. huh?"

She had been a little less than great about her phone calls to Aubrey too. Beca let her wander a little bit before hip checking her when she needed it whereas Aubrey and her drill sergeant ways never let her step even a toe over the line - and right now she was miles over. "How'd you guess?" She laughed weakly.

"Nick."

"Nick? You were talking to Nick?"

"Well yeah, dummy. If you're not going to answer your phone then someone has to. But don't worry, he got me. I gave him the address. So can we talk about-"

"What?"

"What?" Aubrey paused, uncertain. "Beca's address?"

Chloe jumped up, instantly halfway to panic, "What?"

"Chlo? What's wrong?"

"You gave him Beca's address?"

"Yeah, he said you weren't picking up your phone and he was lost."

"Oh my god, Aubrey!"

"What?"

"He was lying! He's not here with me! He got his office girl pregnant! I've been refusing to talk to him!"

"THAT DIRTBAG DID WHAT?"

"Oh my god, Brey, I have to go!"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS?"

"I have to go! He's probably going to be here any minute!"

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

She knew she should get dressed, she knew she should act like the thought of seeing him wasn't terrifying.

Instead, she was pacing the length of the living room, breathing into a bag and doing absolutely nothing that would help her.

She kind of deserved this. She knew that.

She totally deserved this.

She moaned when she heard feet in the hall out front.

She so totally deserved this.

There was a firm knock on the door and she felt herself blanch.

Her breathing doubled, the bag ballooning and compressing fast.

She could just not answer it.

"Chloe, I can hear your bag."

Oh no!

She went to the door, pulling it open, knowing all of her guilt was on her face as she tried to catch a breath.

Nick looked down at her, obvious anger there but upon seeing her he let out a booming laugh. "Oh geez, Chloe! Come'ere."