Ororo's and Jean's throw down. It was a lot easier to write than I thought. No duking it out with powers though.
The gloves were now off and it was show time. She had came home from the mutant rights conference at the United Nations in the city with Charles and Scott, to find a fuming, fiercely growling Logan. It had taken a considerable amount of effort to get him to calm down and disclose what had him in said state. She had calmed him just enough for him to grunt out the highlights of his dispute with Jean. Once the details of his altercation with Jean were revealed to her, Ororo had decided enough was enough. She was no longer going to handle Jean with kid gloves, letting her think that all was forgiven. It was time to give the redhead a dose of reality, something she seemed to have been lacking for a long time now.
Outrage was the first emotion to grip Ororo while hearing the specifics of the altercation from her mate. It was now quite apparent to her that Jean had either refused to learn her lesson or simply just didn't give a damn about redeeming herself. Knowing what she did now, Ororo had a feeling that it was the latter, although she desperately hoped that it was neither. However, the nagging voice pricked her at the back of her head, urging her to settle the score between them once and for all. She heeded the voice, deciding to put an end to the misery still shrouding the mansion.
It was with that resolve that Ororo cornered her once best friend, the woman she had known and loved like a sibling, in her Biology classroom after her last class. She strolled into the room and slammed the door, heralding her arrival and gaining Jean's attention. Ororo stood just inside the closed door, angrily examining the woman who had hurt her and the people she loved beyond belief. Jean's heart tightened painfully as her troubled eyes grazed over the woman observing her. This was the first time she was seeing Ororo one on one since the entire debacle in the recreation room. Like everyone else, Ororo was hell bent on avoiding her. Until now. She had an inkling of what had propelled the weather Goddess to her this evening and she instinctively knew that after this encounter, there would be no chance at recovering any part of the relationship they once had. Finally, unable to engage Ororo's steady gaze any longer, Jean guiltily dropped her eyes to the pop quizzes scattered about her desk.
Silence reigned as Ororo walked purposefully, albeit a bit gingerly, to take a seat at one of the student chairs directly in front of Jean's desk. Pursing her lips, Ororo coolly leaned back in the chair and folded her arms across her chest, mimicking an action that was patented Wolverine.
"I know that you must hate me, Ororo," Jean began when Ororo's overwhelming presence became too much for her to ignore. "I don't expect any sympathy from you or for you to forgive me for what I've done."
Blank eyes stared back at her. Jean took a deep breath and tried her best to keep the gaze of the aggrieved weather witch.
"I know that what I did was…bad, but..." She paused when Ororo lifted a well-groomed brow at her, channeling another Wolverine mannerism.
Jean sighed and started over. "I know that there won't be anything I can say or do to make all that I've done go away. What I did to you, Scott and Logan was unethical and wrong. All I can do is lower my head in shame and offer you all my apologies and try to make it up to you all somehow."
She braved a glance at Ororo, but was further dismayed to see indifference and impassivity staring back at her.
Tears formed in her eyes fully knowing that Ororo wasn't having any of her apology. But bravely, she continued, knowing that she had to let everything she had kept bottled up over the years out. "I would live the rest of my life knowing that I've permanently hurt the people who loved me deeply."
Ororo blinked once, twice, three times, in an effort to resist an eye roll. Calmly she crossed one leg over the other and continued her silence.
"I could sit here and offend you by telling you that I never meant to hurt you, but I won't. For quite some time, my jealousy towards you has been festering and it finally manifested in what I did." She paused, gasping for breath as tears rolled down her seemingly hollowed cheekbones. "Plain and simple, Ororo, I wanted what you had and I wanted to cause you pain. Everything came to you easily and you've always had the love and admiration of everyone here. You were placed on a pedestal and loved unconditionally by Charles, Scott and Logan. I have never had that directed towards me and I became jealous and wanted to bring you down a peg or two, knocking you off that pedestal."
"When I saw that Logan was interested in you and showered you with attention, I was hurt and confused. Like all the other men here, he couldn't see me after he started noticing you. I needed a way to get Logan to refocus his attentions on me. I needed to show him that despite everything, I was and will always be the better woman out of the two of us. Yes, I loved the attentions he gave me. The flirtations and everything else too."
"Oh God...Ororo...Oh God..." she struggled to take proper breaths. "Me wanting Logan was…was…Oh God, please Ororo. Believe me. I wanted to feel that desire and feelings only he could bring. I wanted to feel what you felt." Jean stopped, taking deep breaths to prevent herself from choking. "I refused to believe that he could have given up on me so easily and didn't want me anymore. His love for you was…is so evident, that I wanted it for myself by any means."
"I used my powers to try to use him to get what I wanted. I…" Her eyes widened as the gist of what she had just said finally rang a bell in her addled head. She clutched her head and shook it, unable to admit what she had essentially done to Logan. "Oh God, oh God, oh God…" she chanted frantically. " I…I…was going to use him against his will, coerce him to do what I wanted. I don't…I don't know... That's not me. It's not who I am. Please believe that…believe me."
"And Scott…I know I hurt him so badly. He was…is a good man and didn't deserve what I did to him. He loved me and I took that for granted." She sighed deeply, trembling under the heaviness of her admissions. "I virtually abused his love for me and…and…I knew that I had a very good thing and I threw it all away…threw it away and now I have nothing…nothing."
"Ororo, please believe me. I'm so so so sorry. I'm so ashamed of myself and of the place where I've taken us all. I regret that I've hurt all of you. Please please forgive me." She implored emotionally. "I don't know what to do now. I want to fix this, but don't know how. Scott wants a divorce. Logan wants me to stay away from him and I know that any chance of a friendship between us is dead."
At this Ororo lifted her brows as to say 'you think?'
Tears ran unchecked down the redhead's face, leaving salty tracks as she implored Ororo to forgive her. "I'm sorry, Ororo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me, please. I beg you, please forgive me." Unable to take Ororo's censoring stare, Jean lowered her head to her forearm lying across the desk. Her shoulders heaved as the sobs wrung her body viciously.
Ororo sat still, watching her one time best friend succumb to the weight of the humiliation and guilt that her actions had resulted in. But all the time she was saying her piece, Ororo wondered if this was another one of Jean's games. Was she being properly contrite with her confession? Was she genuinely remorseful? Could she accept her apologies at face value? Too much hurt and pain had been inflicted for her to give Jean the benefit of the doubt freely. It all came down to trust and sadly, she just didn't trust the telepath anymore.
Ororo slowly stood, expelling a gust of air through her lips. It was her turn now. Her heart was heavy and her shoulders were burdened by what she knew she had to do to heal the pain, not for herself, but for Logan, Scott and the entire mansion. It was time for her to release the emotions that had suffocated her for the past couple of months. She was beyond weary of keeping a tight lid on her emotions and beyond weary of worrying about what would happen should she release those emotions.
She gazed down at the bereaved woman before her, resisting the urge to offer her comfort. Ororo cleared her throat, compelling Jean to raise tear stained red eyes to her. In slow measured tones, Ororo said, "You assumed a lot about me, Jean. Like you assumed that I would just step aside from Logan's attentions and let you have a clear path to him. Even now, you assume that I would turn the other cheek, take the high road, forgive you and let things continue as if any of this never happened. However, quite frankly, I am not going to take the high road this time around and be a martyr for benevolence and let you get away with what you have done. Your actions were destructive and are going to have far-reaching ramifications for all of us for a very long time."
Jean's teary eyes widened, stunned at Ororo's less than compassionate words.
"Contrary to what you believe, Jean," Ororo continued, her hands going up in the air as she finger quoted the word believe. "Everything has never came to me easily. I have always had to fight and work hard for what I have accomplished."
Jean lowered her eyes in shame. Of course she knew of Ororo's history, knew of the hardships the Nubian beauty had encountered and overcame.
Ororo looked at the one woman whom, despite everything, she still loved. "Do you have any idea of the magnitude of the damage you have caused?" She suddenly bellowed. This behavior was so unlike the serene, self-assured woman that Jean stared at her wide-eyed, disbelieving for the second time in less than a minute.
"You were loved Jean. My brother loved you unconditionally. I…," she said smacking her chest for emphasis, "loved you as if you were my blood sister." At this, Jean burrowed her chin further into her chest, unable to meet Ororo's penetrating gaze. "But your own selfish desires and your disregard for those who loved you sent you down this path.
"I have always had the feeling that you very much enjoyed and encouraged Logan's attentions. It was so easy for me to dismiss them and desperately believe that you were not that kind of woman. That your love for Scott would conquer it all. But you proved me wrong did you not?" Ororo continued unsympathetically. "When I went to Logan and pleaded, actually fought with him, to back off and respect your relationship with Scott, he mentioned that you were not as innocent as you portrayed yourself to be. Even then, I refused to believe it, until that evening I caught you in his room attempting to seduce him!"
Jean's brows furrowed upon hearing this. Everything mentioned by Ororo seemed to have flown over her head, expect the part about Ororo and Logan's confrontation. "It was you?" Jean gasped. "It was you…you were the one that told Logan to stop pursuing me?"
"Yes, I was," Ororo replied insolently, her brows rose in challenge. She took stock of the critical look on Jean's face. Apparently, she still didn't get it.
"Why?"
"Why?!" Ororo barked, sounding a lot like the Wolverine. "Why?! Because you were married! You had a marriage to secure and vows to honor! Are you kidding me right now, Jean?" She asked incredulously. "Did you not realize that Scott was upset and felt disrespected while you encouraged another man's flirtations and attentions? Did you not consider his feelings? Of course you did not in all of your selfishness!"
Jean lowered her head in further embarrassment. She had nothing to say, as she couldn't combat that blistering riposte.
"The hurt that you have inflicted on Scott and Logan was unthinkable. The two men I love, you have hurt them without any regard for the consequences because your self-centeredness dictated that you could have a free pass to do what you want. Your vendetta against me resulted in what we are all caught up in now and you expect me to forgive you?" She finished on a harsh laugh.
Tears began streaming down Jean's face again at Ororo's searing words. Despite all the bleakness she was currently facing in her life, she had held a ray of hope that the dependable loving Ororo she knew would be able to forgive her and hopefully provide her with some kind of light in all of this darkness. She should have known that everyone had a breaking point, even dependable loving Ororo.
Ororo continued relentlessly. "Your claims of loving Scott were false, because you have no idea of what love really encompasses. If you did, you would have been able to see how this tore Scott up. Love, true love, is when you always think about how your actions would affect your partner. It is when you put your partner's needs and interests far ahead of your own. You let your partner know that no matter what, you will be there for him, helping and caring for him, not hurting him."
The emotions she had suppressed for so long spewed forth words that were indicative of the deep hurt she carried inside and they left no doubts as to where she stood. The weather outside was in sync with its mistress' outpouring of her feelings. Her voice was steady, as she was driven by the need to reveal to Jean just how much her actions had changed their lives.
"Was it worth it, Jean?" Ororo asked deprecatingly, heedless of the rumbling thunder. Her heart was aching, but she had to let it out. "Was it worth it to direct all of your hatred towards me? Did you get any fulfillment out of your twisted crusade against me?"
Jean can only shake her head wordlessly as her emerald eyes continuously glossed over with tears.
"You knew what Logan went through before he came here to us. You had a glimpse of what was in his head and the mess that was left there for him. You knew that he was a victim of manipulation and control, yet you had no reservations in attempting to do the same thing to him. Then to entice Forge here under false pretenses…." At Forge's name, Jean's head snapped up and her eyes widened. How in the world did she ever find out about that?
Ororo cocked a brow at her. "Oh yes, I knew about Forge and your ill-fated plan luring him here under the charade that I was here pining away for him and wanted him back. I guess you did not think that one all the way through did you?"
"No. It was a stupid plan," Jean mumbled feebly.
"No kidding!" Ororo shot back. "What was your hope where Forge was concerned? Did you hope that he would sweep me off my feet and I would toss Logan aside and ride off into the sunset with him? Or did you hope that Forge would wreak so much havoc between Logan and me, that our relationship would never stand a chance and end before it started?"
Jean's face fell and Ororo knew she had hit it on the head. "Even now, you refuse to take responsibility for your actions. You…"
"I do. I do take responsibility for my actions," Jean interjected miserably.
Ororo unfazed by her interruption, continued. "Earlier you said that what you did was bad. Then you corrected yourself saying that it was unethical and wrong. Do you not get it Jean? What you did was beyond the pale. You knew better and you were taught better, but you chose to disregard what you knew and was taught. That was not bad, it was disgraceful. "
"I am not sorry for being this harsh with you. And yes, I did hear every single word you said and although I think that you were trying to be convincing, I am sure you think that your words were in earnest. But you and you alone must deal with the damage your indifference and selfishness has caused."
"It is so sad that you could not see that you and I are both wonderful women who were blessed with wonderful gifts. I have no idea where your grudge against me came from and I am not going to wrack my brain attempting to find out. What I do know is that I have always held you in high regard, always wanted nothing but the best for you. There was never any need for a rivalry or your hatred towards me. Our lives were never meant to be a competition, but were meant to be used for the greater good. Our lives were meant to help and heal, not hurt and divide."
"You have completely changed the way I saw our sisterhood. You know I am not one to put myself in positions where I know I will end up hurt. But here we are. I was…am hurt, by someone I never would have imagined would be capable of the deeds as you were. I simply do not see myself forgiving you anytime soon. Eventually, down the road I will, but not at this time."
With those words, Ororo walked over to stand directly in front of the distraught telepath. "Do you see this mark, Jean?" She asked, bending over Jean, pulling the neck of her blue merino wool sweater down so that Logan's marking was visible to her. "Do you know what this mark means? It means that Logan and I are bonded for life. It means that until one or the other of us leaves this earth first, we will always belong to each other."
"Your machinations mean nothing because you would never be able to have what Logan and I have." She saw Jean visibly blanched upon hearing those words. Ororo retreated and stood tall once again, impaling Jean with an intense stare. "It is my sincere hope that you are able to emerge from this debacle a better and stronger woman and despite everything, I still want what is best for you and wish you nothing but the best. Please, for your and everyone's benefit, use your life to do good."
Turning silently, Ororo left the room, literally quaking. The undertaking of finally releasing all of the pent up frustrations, emotions and words she had kept in check for so long, hitting her full force. Jean watched her leave through water filled, burning eyes, knowing that the battle lines she had long ago drawn against Ororo were now erased and she was thoroughly defeated and was left exposed and raw. The proverbial bottom under her was already tenuous, but Ororo had hit her like the gale force winds she controlled, practically ripping what was left of the bottom out from under her.
