There was only one moment of strangeness for Chloe, only one tiny fleeting moment.

She woke the next morning slowly, very slowly. It was like pulling herself from a cement mixer, really.

Why was she so tired? She wasn't exactly a morning person but she also wasn't specifically - not a morning person either. She had grown very accustomed to keeping Nick's early hours since he had such a hard time staying quiet enough to let her sleep. He tried, but it always seemed like the more he tried the louder he was.

At first vague thoughts and images from her dreams flashed through her mind and she moaned into the pillow, remembering the sensations she had felt, the fingers that had not been her husbands.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold on to sleep, trying to hold on to the glorious feeling the dreams had given her. She curled into a ball and felt the body next to her shift. Habitually Chloe rolled away, ready to push off the arm that had just flopped over her bare hip; cuddling with Nick in the morning was not her favorite.

"Oh!" Her head popped off the pillow, turning to stare, through a curtain of curls, wide-eyed at Beca.

"Heeeey," Beca said with a slightly tense smile when Chloe just continued to stare in surprise.

She had forgotten, for just a moment she had forgotten and because of that for a second of time as she stared down at Beca's anxious face - it was weird.

She felt Beca's hand leave her hip uncertainly.

"I know I probably have morning breath but um..."

This was Beca.

She was lying here naked with Beca!

Beca had seen her do so many un-sexy best friend things like wax her legs and try to survive the stomach flu. She had seen her in ill-fitting outfits, she had seen her eat an entire large pizza in one sitting, she had seen her when she hadn't brushed her hair in a week. She had seen her cry over men and over her parents, oh god, she had seen her pop a pimple!

Beca - her best friend.

And then she remembered the night before; she remembered silently screaming into orgasm, her feet pushing her body far off the bed as she tried to simply remain on this earth, hands clutching Beca's hair with unyielding force as she held her between her thighs.

That's right, that was why she was so tired.

Maybe...maybe that was how it should be...maybe that was exactly who you should find yourself naked with.

And just like that, the weird was gone.

It wasn't strange anymore.

She felt herself lick her lip, biting down with surprise at the spasm that rocked her belly. She huffed out a breath through her nose.

"It just got weird for you for a second, didn't it?"

Chloe grinned, "Only for a second," and then she was climbing over her, eyes memorizing Beca's naked skin in the morning light.

"Ooooooohholyshit." Beca croaked as though she already wasn't sure she could handle what was happening to her. Her eyes had blown wide, her hands up and out as though to prove that they were behaving.

Chloe settled on Beca's hips, unabashed in her nakedness, pretending to be concerned by Beca's expression, "What's wrong? Still weird for you?"

"Aaaffmmmasah," Beca said as Chloe lifted her hand to her lips and gave the fingertips a small kiss.

"You know what I like?"

"What?" Beca squeaked as Chloe's teeth softly grazed the pad of her pointer finger.

"This room. Your bedroom. I like- I like how it feels. I'm glad we ended the night here." She liked how very Beca it was, she liked that lying in her bed felt like wrapping herself in Beca. She kind of had a thing about bedrooms and she really liked this one.

"Also." She kissed the knuckles of Beca's hand, "I like your hands." She loved how different they were from the type of hands she had known, how small yet dexterous. She loved the chipped nail polish on the rounded nails and, god, she loved the thumb ring. She loved how slender they were, graceful and smooth. She loved the way they moved.

She also loved the way that Beca's pupils had blown wide the moment the sheet fell away from Chloe's skin, exposing her. She loved the way she could feel Beca's thigh muscles twitching, as though her toes were clenching and unclenching like she needed to be touched simply because Chloe was naked and sitting on top of her. She loved the feeling of tangible power in her stomach, knowing it was her and her alone who had created that dizzy, hungry look on Beca's face; and the confidence it gave her.

She had expected making love to a woman to be harder, like unknown territory but it hadn't…not that she had been given all that much of a chance to try it - yet.

Beca had gone a little crazy the night before and while she had been able to slip in a few moments to touch her as well, she had let Beca take what she needed.

And what she had needed had been Chloe – again and again.

"You like my hands? That's good, I guess."

Chloe laughed, flushing ever so slightly, "I suppose that reason is true also,"

"Wait! You suppose!?"

"No! Beca!"

"Chloe!" Beca cried but her hands closed on Chloe's hips, her thumbs pressing distractingly.

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Rude." Beca scoffed, starting forward and then paused as though she had grown shy or uncertain; like the rules of conduct might be different now that there was sunlight streaming in through the window. Chloe watched her eyebrows pull together and decided to save her the discomfort of asking. She grinned and pulled her to her, meeting her for a kiss.

Oh god, and the kissing.

Apparently women just knew how to kiss her.

Apparently this woman just knew how to kiss her.

And this kiss - it was impossible not to respond to, not with the tiny little 'mmm's and grunts that Beca was letting out against her lips.

"Oh, everything just makes so much more sense now!" She groaned, shifting fast, pushing them back and up into a sitting position so she could wrap her legs around Beca's waist, pulling her in tight, pulling her so hard that her back bowed into Chloe...their passions picking up into chaos. She felt Beca's hands slide to her lower back, pulling her closer as Chloe moved across Beca's jaw to her throat and back to her lips. Her teeth softly pulled on the studs beside Beca's lip and Beca's whole body turned to putty, whimpering and aggressively taking handfuls of Chloe's ass.

Chloe bit her own lip. She had liked that.

Experimentally she shook out her hair to clear it from her face and dipped down to the spot just behind Beca's ear.

Beca moaned.

"Oh god Bec," She mumbled, working her way back to her lips, "That's so hot."

"Mmmmm fuck...what time...is it...fucking...oh Jesus….damn it…" Beca whimpered every time their lips parted.

Chloe glanced over at the clock, holding Beca's lips to her throat and had to work to read it, "Oh, It's, ahh, just after eight."

"Fuuuuuuck."

"What's wrong?"

With obvious effort Beca pulled herself away, holding Chloe at arm's length, "Okay before - this - goes any further...there is something we need to do before work."


Somehow Beca pulling on her tank top and jeans only made Chloe want to touch her more.

It was overwhelming, this new desire.

Still she dressed and behaved as they ate a quick breakfast. She wanted to know what the material of Beca's jeans would feel like under her fingers, how it would feel to cup a bra covered breast but she refrained – barely.

Emily and Benji didn't exactly live far from Beca but in L.A. everything took forever to drive to, so after a small teasing spat about the fact that there would be no smoking in Chloe's car they fell into a comfortable conversation.

"So you haven't heard from Emily at all?"

"No." Beca frowned behind her sunglasses, "She's probably mad at me. Which…I can't really blame her."

"I really don't think so, Bec. If she's upset with anyone it's probably herself."

"I don't know. Maybe. I am kind of the shit friend who helped her get drunk right after she got sober."

"It wasn't like that."

"Okay, except it totally was."

She shot her a glare but gave up, knowing that it was Beca's guilt talking more than her logic, "Do you know if she's sober again?"

"I uh, I don't. Last time I talked to Benji he said that she wanted to but she was, err, I think struggling was the word he used."

Chloe hated the self-loathing in Beca's voice. She reached over and softly squeezed her knee.

"So um, am I gonna have to be the one to bring it up?"

"What?" She tossed her a quick glance and did a double take. How had she never realized? Beca's hair was down, flowing in warm rich waves around her shoulders, her ribbed tank top hugging her like a glove, her jeans tight, her sunglasses hiding her eyes. She was sitting leaned back casually, her arm propped up on the window ledge, her foot on the dash. She looked – butterflies, there were the butterflies again. Then she noticed that Beca was looking entirely uncomfortable suddenly and she jumped, caught.

She gave Chloe a dry stare, "So are we like a thing now or was it just - the stuff - the one time - or, I dunno," she let out a frustrated huff as she ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it up a bit and letting it fall, "where are we at right now?"

"Um, I dunno, Bec. I just kind of - oh! That reminds me! Nick is here."

"What?" Beca visibly jumped, looking around as though Nick was going to suddenly materialize in the backseat.

"He came to the condo yesterday."

Beca scowled, instantly sullen.

"Oh stop. I think - I think he's going to be with Jenny now."

"Yeah? What does that mean for you?"

"I - I don't know. I have some things I need to figure out."

"Well. Take a few days. You know." She could tell by Beca's overly casual and yet overly high voice that she was working at it hard, "It's not like there's a rush or anything."

Chloe chewed her lip. There was one thing that put a timeline on her choices. "There are some things we have to talk about before we have sex again. There are things we need to talk about before we have sex again."

Beca paused, her fingers twiddling, "So does that mean you want to have - to uh - you know - sex -um - the sex - again?"

Chloe bit her lip, parking the car beside Benji's. There was that feeling again, that want - need - to kiss her again.

She wanted to...badly. She wanted to say to hell with it and crawl into her seat with her.

One kiss wasn't that big of a deal, right? Not after everything in the last twenty-four hours.

Just one.

She leaned over, wrapping a hand around Beca's neck and dragging her in. She let out a small moan as their lips met, her mouth instantly granting Beca access. She didn't stop until they were both breathless. "Yes, please."

Beca slumped down in her seat, breathing hard and looking at Chloe like she might be dangerous.

Chloe loved it.

They rang the doorbell, after another quick kiss - or two - and waited; exchanging looks when from inside they heard their names, a few shouts and a door slam.

After a minute, Benji opened the door for them with a huge sigh, "Hi. Finally. Thank god."

"Um, hi Benj."

"Hey, Benji." Chloe wrapped him in a hug, "What's wrong?"

"What? Oh. Nothing. No, she's just kind of upset. I don't think she wants to see anyone but I think she needs to."

"Well, I'm glad we're here then." Chloe smiled, clicking her tongue.

"Uh, Beca." Benji's voice broke and wobbled, a human Theremin as he played with his hands. "She has always looked up to you. A lot."

"Benji look," Beca started uncomfortably, "I fucked up and-"

"Yeah. You did."

Chloe's mouth dropped open in surprise whereas Beca's turned into a thin line.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not really me you need to apologize to."

Chloe felt a wave of protective anger when she saw the look on Beca's face but she kept her mouth shut, this was between them and she knew she would be mad if she were in Benji's place.

"She really needs your support."

Beca gave him a small nod, "Bedroom?"

"Uh, yes."

She followed Beca through the apartment.

"Em?" Beca knocked, "Open the door."

Silence.

"Flashlight!"

Silence.

"Emily, please sweetie." Chloe tried.

Silence.

"Okay. I'm coming in then. Don't be naked." Beca called as she twisted the door handle and went in, despite her lack of invitation.

The room was dark but they could still see the shape of Emily sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at her hands.

"Drunk or sober?"

"Beca!" Chloe hissed but Beca ignored her. "What she means, Emily is-"

"Sober," Emily grumbled over Chloe.

"Is that actually sober or is that like I'm so drunk I think that everyone else thinks I'm sober even though it's like really obvious?"

"I'm fraking sober!" Emily yelled, "I made a mistake!"

"Exactly, dude!" Beca yelled back, plopping down on the bed.

Unsure of her place in this conversation, Chloe sat down as well, watching their interactions with uncertainty. She wasn't sure this was the best way to go about this.

"You made a mistake. Who cares, move on."

"It's not that simple, Bex!"

"Well no, the fact that your shitty fucking friends helped you make that mistake makes it all kinds of complicated."

Emily huffed, punching the mattress, "It's not your fault, it's mine. I knew the moment that I decided to meet you two what was going to happen, I know who Hunny is. I made a choice."

"Emily, you also made a choice to be sober right now." Chloe reached out, softly rubbing the top of her hand.

"Only because Benji put me in a cold shower the day before yesterday, called Blake and then refused to help me get dressed so I had to answer the door half naked."

"Good for him." Chloe said with a grin, knowing that Emily was glaring at her, "He was protecting you, Emily, even if he was protecting you from yourself."

"It's true." Beca piped up. "So stop hiding."

"I'm not hiding!" Emily bit.

"Yeaaah, you're literally sitting here in a dark room by yourself." Beca sagely pointed out.

"So!"

"So stop!"

"What else am I supposed to do?"

Beca took a deep breath, "Em…"

Emily just nodded, already knowing what Beca was going to say and sparing her the discomfort. She didn't need to hear her apologize to know that Beca was sorry. Chloe felt a small pull at her lips as she watched their friendship; she loved it. If she did stay in L.A. she would have the chance to really know Emily too, wouldn't she? The thought filled her with excitement.

"You should be proud of yourself, Emily."

The girl glanced at her, sour and snapped, "So, what are you just here now?"

"No!" Chloe cried automatically. Well...was she? Where else would she want to go? "What I meant to say is; you're sober right now and you will stay that way, I know it. Just - maybe - stay away from Hunny."

She saw Beca's eyebrows pull together almost as though she didn't like hearing Chloe speak poorly of her. A spasm of jealousy like none other rocked through Chloe for a moment making her hands close into fists.

"Um. Have you actually heard from Hunny, Em?"

Emily scoffed, "Not since you slapped her in the face, Chlo."

"Wait, what?" Beca cried.

"Ooooh." Chloe chewed her lip. "Yeah, so - about that."

'****'

She wasn't freaking out.

She wasn't.

She was just…

Dave had left after their meeting and…

She wasn't freaking out.

The corner of the isolation booth...on the padded floor...was just comfortable...kind of.

It was very small, anyway, and that seemed to keep the freak out - that she wasn't having - small as well.

She lit her fourth cigarette and puffed frantically; the smoke in the booth was starting to burn her eyes but maybe that was because she kept forgetting to blink as she stared straight ahead at nothing.

She shouldn't be smoking in the booth. That was bad, booth smoking was bad.

She should open the door at least but - then she would have to unclench her non-cigarette holding hand from around the water bottle she was pressing to her chest for dear life, wishing it was a different kind of bottle because drifting away would be amazing right now.

She wasn't freaking out.

She wasn't freaking out.

SHE WASN'T FUCKING FREAKING OUT!

It just - it didn't make any fucking sense!

What changed?

She had slept with Chloe. Like four times the night before.

She had slept with Chloe.

And then made out with her that morning and then again in the car.

She wasn't freaking out or anything.

But she had done that.

What the hell was her life right now?

What was happening?

She hadn't expected that. Not at all. She had just cuddled up to Chloe because she felt bad...and Chloe had been in bed...and she had thought that maybe she was still upset. And if she was then it would have been her fault.
She hadn't expected...this.
She hadn't expected Chloe to just go for it. Which was stupid because this was Chloe and she just went for things once she decided that she needed them.

That should be good...right?

So...

She didn't know how she had gotten there, sitting in the corner of the booth, all but rocking herself as her mind whizzed and whirled.

It had all happened so fast.

She had been fine, just trying to figure out why she felt so uncomfortable in her own skin when Josie had arrived and asked her a very simple question. 'You look happy today, Bex, what's up'?

And everything had fallen apart.

She had realized that she was happy.

Like really happy.

She had never been this happy before.

And then the thought had come.

It had only been a thought - one stupid thought. She didn't even know if it was true.

She didn't even know where it had come from!

The day had been pretty good so how had it come in and completely swept her off her feet like this?

She and Chloe had spent a while longer with Emily and she had to admit they had done a pretty good job at cheering the legacy up. Chloe had even managed to get Emily to promise to come over in a few days for dinner, something that had sounded so domestic that Beca had nearly swooned, picturing a whole life surrounding those words.

It had been fine.

She was fine.

Everything had been weirdly - normal.

She had teased Chloe the whole way home, amused by how peevish and slightly bitchy the topic of her WWE match with Hunny made her.

It had been just like any other day between them.

Then Beca had gone to work.

No big deal.

Perfectly normal.

She had been really productive that morning, pouring over the track for EZ and she thought she had finally figured out the problem. He had seemed to like the final project too when she sent it to him, something which filled her with smug satisfaction. She wasn't sure when this sense of rivalry between herself and P.J. had started but it was growing quickly and she was going to crush it. When she was done with EZ she had spent some time with one of P.J's clients, unsure what to do when he insisted that maybe they should go out and 'party' soon. Then she had her meeting with Dave which had been easy, more of a check in really.

It had been a decent day.

Especially because she had no idea what she could expect to greet her when she walked in the door that night, Chloe her best friend or Chloe the woman with amazing lips, but either way she had been excited to find out.

So how had she gotten here?

She hadn't even been aware she was thinking specifically about Chloe, not until her second cigarette when her fingers had already begun to shake.

What - the - hell - did - it - mean?

How had they gotten from one place to the other?

She was sure she was right.

She was happy.

There was no other answer.

The moment the thought had popped into her mind she had known it was true.

None of this was real.

It couldn't be. It was too good to be true.

Chloe was just testing out her gay legs with the only person around her she felt safe to do so with - or maybe even just taking a break from men since her husband was cheating on her.

The power of the thought had all but knocked her over.

She had seen it happen to her friends a million times before.

'Oh, I've always known I was attracted to women, I just never got a chance to try it. Now that I have I'm sure I'm a lesbian.' And then six months later after the woman's husband or boyfriend had talked his way back into her pants again, she was off, never to be seen in any lesbian circle again.

Or.

The young baby gay and the older 'experienced' gay. Though...some - like Hunny - liked to say that Beca herself was a baby gay since she had only been out for a few years. When it came to her and Chloe - yeah, she was the wise and learned lesbian of the two.

It always went the same way too. The couple, usually friends first, would have a great time, they would laugh and fuck and drive everyone around them nuts with their gooey 'we're too awesome for girlfriend labels' lesbian-ness. Then the baby gay would lose interest, moving on to more life experiences, new people and leaving the other behind to wonder why the hell she had let herself get involved with someone so metaphorically young in the first place.

Both made sense.

And they had already hit step one of the second choice, hadn't they?

They weren't together.

…..Right?

No.

Sex didn't make you automatically together.

At all.

That was kind of the point.

And Chloe hadn't said yes this morning...not that she had directly asked.

Maybe she should directly ask.

And flowers.

Should she bring her flowers?

Or chocolate.

Or a bottle of wine.

Should she be planning dates or...

Crap.

Or none of the above because they were totally that couple because Chloe wasn't really interested in being with her.

God, Beca, why are you such a les?

Yet all she wanted was to run home as fast as she could in hopes of seeing Chloe's face like that again, flushed, open, filled with obvious wonder about the things she was feeling when Beca touched her.

Which was stupid. Because this wasn't real.

Her life didn't work this way.

Never in her life would the person she had wanted for years just literally wake up one day and decide she wanted her too.

No way.

It was a nice thought but this made so much more sense.

Chloe was just - trying her on.

Beca was safe for Chloe, she always had been.

Chloe was just...looking to see what women felt like - or something.

The thought occurring to her again froze her face in horror.

Because that would make sense.

Chloe had never wanted her before.

Why would she now?

Oh god, but what if she did? What if in some crazyland, bizarre-o-world kind of shit Chloe had realized that this was something she wanted?

What then?

That idea was almost scarier than the first.

This could be...a really big deal.

Fuck that. This already was a really big deal.

Even if they never - you know - got together - together they still would have this under their belt. They would always know what the other person felt like, tasted like.

"Fuck!" she cried into the soundproofed room.

She was going to lose her.

No matter what she was going to lose her now.

Friendships couldn't survive after the kind of sex they had the night before - the mind blowing, absolutely amazing, time stopping, I-don't-even-care-if-I-die-right-now-it-was-that-good kind of sex.

She didn't know what to do.

She was devastated.

And pissed.

And fucking heartbroken.

She knew it had been too good to be true.

She knew it.

The door to the studio opened and her young assistant walked in, frowning. She pressed the proper button on the soundboard and said, disapproval heavy in her voice, "You shouldn't smoke in the booth, Bex."

"You don't think I know that, Josie?" She cried back, snapping harder than she meant to.

"Okay whatever, you have a call in P.J.'s office."

"Okay." Josie just stood there waiting, "I'll be there in a minute! Geez!"

What if none of this was real?

What if she was just some type of freak out for Chloe?

Could she handle that?

Could she survive that?

She already knew the answer; no, she could not survive that. No way.


She hadn't really wanted to go home that evening. Well no, she had wanted nothing more than to go home but that was sort of the problem. All she wanted to do was run home and see her again, even though it had only been a few hours.

And that was bad.

So she had avoided going home for a bit, stalling at the studio even though she had nothing she really needed to do.

She had to just chill the fuck out but that was pretty much asking the impossible.

Beca paused just outside her front door feeling that familiar mix of anticipation and dread. She had known that feeling so well for so long.

She just...she didn't trust this...

"Beca!" Her heart leapt as she heard Chloe call her name from the living room, her stomach going all gooey when it was followed with a happy little, "You're home!"

She dropped her keys by the door, pulled her wallet from her back pocket and kicked off her shoes.

It could be too easy to get used to.

That was the problem.

It was too easy.

She sighed, wanting to curl up on the couch and hide from the thoughts within her, deny them, make Chloe kiss her until they went away. Instead she rounded the corner and saw Chloe's beaming face...and Nick...sitting behind her, giving her a backrub.

It was like the universe was answering her concerns.

Right there.

In her living room.

All wrapped up and waiting to ruin her world.

Nick and his stupid face.

"Heeeeeeey, Nick," she hesitated. She did not want to join them. Actually, the idea of her upstairs studio sounded pretty good, hiding away with her headphones. Yes.

"Hey, Beca." He sent her a boyish grin, pressing his thumb into Chloe's shoulder blade and pulling a long moan from deep within her.

Beca flushed, hearing every other moan from the last twenty-four hours within it all at once.

Yeah.

She didn't really want to be here for this.

She pulled out her phone and without thinking twice sent a text to Hunny, "Royal?"

She hadn't been there without the plan to work in a while. She didn't have to go crazy but a little dancing and laughing - away from here - sounded great.

Chloe was married. She was sitting there in the hands of her husband, the man who had seen her naked a thousand times, the man who had touched every part of her, who had loved her and come home to her every day for years.

All things that Beca would never be allowed to do.

She was sick with envy and she knew it.

"How was work? I brought over a six pack of beer if you want one." Nick offered, lifting one hand from Chloe's shoulder to take a swig of the bottle beside him.

"Beca doesn't like beer. You know that."

"Mmmm." Beca frowned, her stomach in knots. What should she do?

"Will you join us?" Chloe asked in her sweetest voice, her face hopeful.

It was so fucking confusing. Why was Chloe looking up at her like she had been waiting all day for her to come home, asking her to join them, if she was there with Nick?

"I uh-" She started to point back toward the stairs but then she caught sight of Chloe's face, saw the slight disappointment those bright eyes and huffed, knowing she was going to sit down even though she didn't want to.

She went to the minibar and poured herself a drink and then sat across the couch from them, trying not to look. "So Nick, how's it hangin'?"

Why had she just asked that?

"Hot. It's really hot here."

"It's hot in Henderson too." Chloe rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, but that's Henderson. It's pretty much hot all year long. Oooh, right there?"

Chloe gave a little nod, whimpering as he dug in.

Beca didn't really know how to take this. "Uh-huh, and how's Jenny?" Okay, that had been really rude. She could tell by the way that Nick's hands paused.

"Good, she's good. Uh, thanks for asking? I guess."

She just - this was stupid. She moodily grabbed the pack of cigarettes at the table and lit one.

"Whoa, there! Don't smoke right here!"

Her eyebrows went high as she turned disbelieving to level a stare at Nick. She could see the peeved look on his face and for some reason that just pissed her the fuck off.

So he gets the girl and to tell her where she can and can't smoke - in her own fucking condo?

"You do know this is my place, right Nick? I mean just because you and your wife have gotten all comfy in the living room doesn't change that."

"Bec!"

"Seriously?" He scoffed, "Do you know how bad second hand smoke is for the -"

"Nick!"

Beca watched them exchange a look and her blood began to boil.

God, she was so stupid!

"Right. My bad. I'll just-" She snapped, pulling herself off the couch and draining her glass, "give you two space."

"Beca!"

She kicked someone's shoe out of her way, annoyed enough that she couldn't tell if it was his or hers and let herself out onto the patio.

Maybe he would just take her back now, maybe that was why he was here. He would just take her back and life would go back to normal.

She pulled out her phone and found she was angry, for the first time possibly ever, to see that Hunny hadn't responded to her text. Beca scoffed into the night. She guessed she knew why Hunny had disappeared now. Chloe hadn't really explained why she had slapped Hunny but it was super great that she had come in, taken all hope from her and then had scared off the only woman who did kind of want her. Great.

She took a large drag, letting her head drop back to look up at the night sky and angrily blew the smoke in a thin stream at it.

Forever alone, Bec, forever alone.

And Nick was in her living room.

Fucking perfect.

Except...it was kind of fucking perfect.

A good reminder.

Even before she and Chloe had - last night - she had been starting to think...

"I probably should have warned you that he was here. I'm sorry, I didn't think about it."

Beca half turned, glancing at Chloe and just took another long drag, staring back up at the stars. "It's no big deal."

Chloe chuckled, "It obviously is."

Beca didn't respond.

"What's wrong?"

"With what?"

"Is it just Nick? Did something happen at work?"

"Nothing's wrong, Chlo."

"Beca."

She lifted her glass to her lips, only then remembering that it was empty. She frowned, wanting to kick at something again. She had been so stupid for letting this happen at all.

"Hey." She felt Chloe's arms wrap around her, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Beca grumbled, pitching her cigarette butt and trying to pull away.

Chloe held her tightly though, "If you tell me then maybe I can help," she insisted, resting her chin on Beca's shoulder.

The touch made Beca twitch all over.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, you totally seem fine." Chloe let out a breathy chuckle, her nose burrowing through Beca's hair to trace along her neck.

The problem was, Beca's eyes closed of their own accord, it was all too good. The feeling of her lips lightly teasing her skin like that, how could she make it stop when it was so - everything she had ever wanted?

Because it's going to break you when it turns out to just be one big experiment, Beca.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" Chloe teased, sucking a little of the skin between her teeth.

Fuck.

"Chloe, stop!" Beca shrugged her off.

"What's going on, Beca?" She asked, firmly and demanding to be told, "Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I just-" she stumbled for words, annoyed when the truth exploded out of her before she could think of an evasion, "I don't really want to be anyone's gay experiment, okay?"

"What?"

"I don't want to be that first person you sleep with because they were there and it was easy and safe and I really don't want to be your little vacation to the Isle of Lesbos. I have feelings, dude."

"Beca, neither of those things are what is happening."

"Of course it is! It makes literally zero sense that it would be anything else."

"Is that really what you think of me?" Beca opened her mouth but Chloe cut her off, "Or is that really all that you think of yourself?"

Okay, she didn't know how to answer that. "The fuck does that mean?"

"Did you just decide this today? Without talking to me? Without even asking me?"

She watched Chloe's arms cross, her chin jutting and Beca scowled thinking of herself chain smoking in the booth alone, "...No."

"Uh huh." Chloe stared her down and Beca began to fidget. "Is there really no other reason in your mind why I could be sleeping with you?"

Sleeping with? As in, going to keep happening? As in - not 'slept' but sleeping? She had said that thing this morning but Beca had assumed that was just one of those things women said even if they didn't mean it.

"Err…"

"Right."

Why did she feel stupid now? But it still didn't make sense.

She opened her mouth to speak but before the words could come she glanced over Chloe's shoulder at the man still sitting on the couch. Her insides went cold again.

Oh yeah.

"Look, your husband is waiting for you."

Chloe's face hardened.

"I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed."

She blew by Nick and was upstairs in a second, feeling so much better now that there was some space between herself and them.

Chloe just didn't get it.

It didn't make any sense.

She couldn't just be her lapdog. Cream, sugar, and orgasms? Yes, ma'am! Anything to make you happy.

The hot water felt great on her irritated skin.

She knew that perhaps she was being a little stupid. Even if Chloe was just using her as a safe, fun time before she moved on to other women or back to Nick, she shouldn't really complain. It was better than nothing, right? She was going to have to face that moment when Chloe left again no matter what, whether it was to go back to Henderson, to move somewhere new or simply on to another partner, a real one. Did it really matter if they had slept together a few times? Not really. It would kill her either way.

"Is there really no other reason in your mind why this could have happened?"

"SHIT! FUCK!" Beca's heart beat hard in her chest as Chloe's shrill angry voice suddenly filled the bathroom.

"Nothing you can look back on, Beca, that would give you any clue?"

"Jesus! You can't just trap me in the shower to yell at me!"

"None at all?"

"I don't know, Chloe!"

The shower curtain flew to the side and Beca felt herself gulp at the look of fury on Chloe's face. Chloe's seriously pissed off face was a little intense. Her eyes got a little - yikes. She could have a temper - when she wanted to.

"You just don't get it, Chlo!"

"No, you don't get it, Beca! I discovered something about myself! Yes, it took a lot for me to get there, I know that but that does not mean I'm using you for what exactly? For sex?"

"Um."

"Or is this just a Beca flake out? Huh? Is that what this is? Yet another Beca flake out? Run away before anything can get too serious."

"Uh. That's-"

"No! I don't even understand how you got yourself here, things were fine this morning. I thought you were happy with this!"

"I was-"

"But that's the point, right? This made you happy so naturally it must be a trick or some type of game, right?"

"Um."

"That - Oh, that is just - oh!" Chloe growled, her cheeks pink and with an angry scoff, she flipped the shower faucet all the way to cold. She turned on her heels and stormed from the room shouting a 'That's right' over her shoulder with a snap when Beca let out a high screech as the water turned to ice.

'****'

She was trying not to slam things around in the kitchen; she just wasn't doing a very good job.

She was just so mad!

Beca had clearly spent all day talking herself into this idea that she was just using her and that was just so like Beca.

Don't talk.

Don't ask.

Just retreat.

Just flake out and disappear right when she was needed most.

She heard Beca's feet on the stairs a few minutes later but she didn't look up, still bubbling with fury.

Was that really what Beca thought? Really?

It was ironic considering that all Chloe had wanted all day long was for her to simply be home again. All she had wanted to do today was talk to her - about anything. Just so she could be beside her.

Not that she hadn't also spent half the day thinking about the other things they could be doing too.

She had felt great all day.

She had felt absolutely outside of herself.

Happy.

She had no idea what the future was going to look like, especially when Nick had handed her their insurance information that afternoon, but she had wanted to talk about it. Or at least talk about talking about it.

Now she just felt angry and a little defensive.

And a little like she wanted to prove to Beca just how much she wasn't planning on running back to Nick. It wasn't a vacation she was on, not at all. This felt...true.

And Beca was spoiling it! "Ugh!" She slapped the cup down on the counter, thankful when it did not break.

She listened to the sound of Beca's feet approaching unable to decide if she wanted her to talk to her or if she wanted space.

She could feel the upset tension rolling off of Beca as she leaned against the counter behind her.

Chloe's jaw set.

"Okay so then, is that - what this is?"

"What?" she snapped back.

"Is that what this is? Because it would make a lot of sense. Nick probably really hurt you and we've been friends for a long time. I'm the safe choice. I get that. I know that I should be flattered but-"

She saw Beca flinch when she flipped around, "If I wanted to simply see what it was like to sleep with a woman I could do that with anyone! You are not the only one of our friends who sleeps with women! This is Los Angeles! There are women loving women everywhere!" She took a deep breath, unsure of how to express exactly what had happened to her, "I kissed you Beca because I realized that I had always wanted to; because I couldn't stop myself! I couldn't even make it longer than a few hours once I realized. Not because I was trying something on and definitely not as something to try before going back to Nick! Why would you even think that?"

She watched Beca's face split into a hesitant smile.

"The idea that it would be anything else is just ridiculous. This isn't funny! Stop smiling at me like that."

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are, Beca!" She could see her smile, was she really going to argue with her about this?

Beca's hand went to her lips, feeling them and flushing, "Okay, I'm sorry."

"I just- I can't even-" she turned away again. Maybe it was her turn for a shower and bed before she freaking killed her. Beca caught her by the back of the shirt. "Let go!"

"I'm sorry!" she shouted over her, "I'm sorry, okay?!"

Chloe let out another impressive growl, trying to reach behind her and rip her shirt from Beca's hand.

"This isn't me flaking out. I got all in my head - I guess."

"Without even talking to me! You just decided I was using you without even talking to me!" she spun, how the hell was she still holding her?

"Chloe! Chill out for a second, I'm trying to apologize."

"Oh really? Is that what's happening? Because I couldn't tell." She stopped spinning and instead crossed her arms, waiting.

Beca floundered for a moment, "It just doesn't make sense, dude!"

"What? What doesn't make sense?"

"Hearing you say things like you realized that you had always wanted to kiss me! That just - there's no way!"

"How can you say that?"

"Because that isn't how things work for me!"

Chloe stumbled for a moment, her frustration stealing her words. How was she supposed to respond to that?

"There's no way you can actually be a lesbian, let alone in my bed because that would be-"

And there it was again, this idea that she couldn't be gay.

How had she not proven that she was last night?

"Do you remember that night that we did that stupid massage class together?" She spat.

Beca frowned, confused by the sudden change of topic, "What? The one like-"

"Right after I got married? Nick couldn't go so you came with me, remember?"

"What about it?"

"We spent like two hours touching each other. That was the whole class, listening to the instructor and touching one another." Beca blushed. "You know what I did when I went home? Like, as soon as I got home?"

"What?"

Chloe didn't answer, instead she just crossed her arms tighter, her lips going into a thin embarrassed line as she remembered locking the bathroom door and touching herself with a desperation that she hadn't been able to explain.

"Really?"

"So don't tell me that I can't be gay and don't tell me that I can't be gay for you!" She shouted, her arms waving in annoyance.

Beca was still staring at her, eyes wide and hand covering her mouth, "Did you really just tell me that?"

"Beca!"

"I don't know if I'm more turned on or - I don't know - impressed?"

Chloe scowled.

"What was it about that? What did I do?"

She was already regretting her moment of sharing, even as Beca grabbed her arm and pulled her to her.

"Can I do it again?"

"Beca!" But there was a lot less steam in it now, Beca just looked so happy all of the sudden.

"Can I give you another massage, leave you alone for a while and then come back and pretend to be surprised?"

"Beca!" She swallowed, trying to stop the twitch in her lip. She didn't want to laugh.

"So you're gay for me, huh?"

"Oh my god, Beca!"

"Like a little gay or like Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor kind of gay?"

How was Beca always so cute?

She felt Beca pulling on her chin and went into the kiss willingly enough.

"A little gay." She finally admitted, sullen.

"A little? Really?" Beca slid her hands down her side, pulling her back in by the ribs.

Chloe felt the room spin ever so slightly, "Kind of gay."

"Kinda?"

"Mmm-hmm. Oh god." It had just slipped from her mouth as Beca, in teasing challenge, softly ran her hand - rather unexpectedly - over the apex of Chloe's jeans.

How did other people survive this? How did they make it into adulthood if this was what being touched by someone else had felt like for them since they were teenagers?

"Okay, really gay, really gay!" Chloe cried as Beca began to suck on the hollow of her throat. "Kate McKinnon in Ghostbusters kind of gay."

"Hmmm?"

She could tell that Beca had lost the point of this game. "Bec, if you're just going to flake out then I don't want to do this, friendship, nothing. I don't know what things will look like for me, I don't even know if we could keep doing this. I don't know. But I don't want to constantly have one eye on you, waiting for you to run again."

Beca pulled back, studying her face, "I don't know how to trust this."

"But it's me, it's still me. Have I ever left you behind?"

Beca chewed her lip so Chloe leaned in and took it from her, sucking it lightly and listening to the surprised, shaking sound that came from her.

"Bec, we need to talk about something."

"Can we talk later?" Beca's voice had grown raspy again and between that and the feeling of Beca's mouth bruising her throat, she wasn't sure she could stay upright.

She needed to talk to Beca about this.

Beca needed to know.

Instead, she moaned as Beca pushed them backward, through and into the living room.

"Bec," Chloe groaned, "baby-" she let her shirt be pulled off and was scrambling to remove Beca's as well, "there's a-"

"Ooooh, fuck, say that again." Beca groaned, biting the swell of her cleavage hard enough to make her shudder.

What? What had she - oh - she had meant - still she felt herself dissolve as she pulled her in closer, grinning to herself as she whimpered in her ear, "Beca…baby."

Beca let out a small keen, vaulting at her, kissing her with fire; knocking them backward as the little sign of possession set her off.

It was so easy to just completely lose herself, it was amazing. She didn't even know how she got from standing with Beca to lying over her naked on the couch, she had no idea but it was wonderful. Skin was meant to touch skin like this, she was positive. She loved the feeling of letting her arms go and pressing fully against her, their legs tangling.

Beca was just so soft, she couldn't stop running her hands over her skin.

No wonder men loved this so much.

"What- what are you thinking about so intently?"

Chloe licked her lips, momentarily shy, her hands hovering. "Nothing special, I'm just enjoying you. Is it like this with everyone you've been with?"

Beca's head came up off the couch cushion, "What?"

Chloe shrugged, "I'm just curious. I know you've been with other women, Beca."

"Right now? You're curious about the other women I've been with right now?"

"Yeah." Chloe bit her lip, finally giving in and running her hand from hip to rib, "Does it feel different with me? Or does it always feel the same?" She watched fascinated as she brushed her fingers over her breasts, watching them change. She supposed that there was something like that with Nick too - but this - this was so much better. This was the best. She closed her mouth around one, her body hitching hungrily when Beca's fingers crawled down her back.

"Not - the - same." Beca finally got out.

"How is it different?"

Her head suddenly shot up, hair smacking Beca in the face, "Oh god, is it that they're better? I know this is new for me-"

Beca pulled her in for a kiss, letting her own fingers explore. "Different means different."

"Is there something I could be doing better? I mean, you would tell me, right?"

"Chlo."

"What?"

"Shut up."

Chloe laughed as Beca pulled her to her.

She had never felt this - in control, this completely and solidly out of control - or - this proud with Nick. She felt Beca pull her hips in, pressing herself tightly against her thigh, begging.

Her mouth went dry, her eyes wide.

Chloe rolled once, marveling as she watched Beca's face tense, her eyebrows pulling together as her lips parted. Chloe leaned in, letting her tongue slowly slip between Beca's lips, pressing and dancing against hers.

How had she gone so long without this?

She ran her fingers through Beca's hair, holding it away from her face as she rolled again and again until finally she was leaning back holding Beca's hips to her while she moved, feeling herself gasping and cooing with pleasure as she watched Beca's stomach roll.

Amazing.

Beca was amazing.

She leaned forward and kissed just below her belly button.

She hadn't done any of this last time. Yes, she had touched Beca and yes she had watched her climax, a few times even, but she hadn't taken over this way, she hadn't let herself simply do whatever she wanted to do.

It was intoxicating.

She kissed just beside her hipbone, sucking until there was a small red bruise.

"Is there anything I shouldn't do?" She hadn't meant to ask, it was supposed to stay in her head but the words had a mind of their own.

Beca let out a short laugh, "There is literally nothing that I would be opposed to right now."

"Nothing?"

"NothiJESUSCHRIST!"

Chloe had leaned in, just for the sake of curiosity and placed a gentle kiss in the most intimate place she could.

Wow.

She…

Wow.

She felt her tongue dart out quickly, touching her and her head swam.

Oh god.

It was like magic; arousing, beautiful magic.

Tentatively she touched her, exploring her in this new way.

She had seen Beca's body move in so many ways over the years with the Bellas, she had seen her hips roll, she had felt her tiny waist against her own and yet, none of that had anything on this way of moving, sliding and pushing.

"Yeah." She let out.

"Wha- what?"

She looked up and found Beca stretched taut, her hands pressing into the arm of the couch above her head; the sight only confirming her thoughts. She took a second, resting her forehead against Beca's hip and just tried to breathe. "Yeah, I'm really, really fucking gay."

Beca burst out laughing, "Yeah, it sure seems like it right now," but the laughter was silenced quickly by a deep moan as Chloe touched her again.

"Bec?"

Beca tried to answer but it seemed words were failing her.

"What's your favorite?"

"Favorite what?"

"I don't know - of this?"

"Position or - what, I dunno, taste? Oh my god, why are you asking me questions right now?"

"Because I want to know!" She cried, enjoying the laughter she felt building in her stomach. Apparently sex crazed Beca was even better than smirky, smug Beca.

"I don't know! I'll - show you later."

"Okay. What about -"

"Oh my god, Chloe!" Beca shot up, pressing her against the opposite arm of the couch, "Stop asking me questions right now!"

This wasn't how she had been the night before, Beca's motions had been soft and gentle; not that she was rough or anything less than sweet but she felt her mind separate, turning to a puddle as Beca sank into her, instantly rocking fast.

She couldn't - she couldn't - think - she couldn't breathe so she just wrapped her arms and legs around her, pulling her as closely as she could.

"Fuck! Bec! Fuck!"

She felt Beca chuckling and as much as she wanted to say something, tease her, anything, she couldn't, she couldn't get any words out around the sounds that were being pulled from her throat. So she gave up, letting her head fall back over the arm of the couch, her mouth open as she panted and moaned.

"This is my favorite part," Beca grunted, breathless. "Hearing you sound like that because of me, that's my favorite." She pulled another high long sound from her as though to prove her point, picking up speed.

"Oh god. Wow!" she cried, clawing at Beca's back. How was it possible to feel like this? How -

"Wow? Really? All I get is a wow?"

"Shutup!" she cried, sounding like a kettle's whistle.

"Don't tell me to shut up, I tell you to shut up," Beca said, in a deep teasing voice.

"Ohmygod,what'swrongwithyourightnow?"

"Shut up, I'm happy."

"Fuck! Bec! Oh god, oh - then shut up and finish what you started!" She loved it, this teasing banter even here in this moment. Beca moved faster, scraping her teeth along Chloe's jaw, "Oh fuck!"

"See, that's so much better than wow."

"Shit. Ohgod, Bec- fuck - I'm - Bec, I'm -"

"Chloe."

"What?" she cried, half ready to kick her brat of a lover off of her as she pulled her face down so she could make eye contact.

She looked into deep blue eyes, dark with desire and had to hold on, clinging to the edge by her fingernails, each twist making her eyes roll back.

Beca's face was serious, concerned, "Chlo."

"What? What's - oh - what's wrong? I'm so - so close, Bec, what?"

"Don't blow it unless it's actually happening."

"Oh my god, you did not just do that!" But it was too late, Beca did something particularly wonderful and she was laughing as she crashed all around herself, wave after wave. She felt Beca stiffen, moaning against her ear as Chloe held her tight.

"Oh my god I've never laughed while I came before. I didn't know that was possible!"

Beca clicked her tongue, "I've got mad skillz, babe."

"What's wrong with you?" She cried, biting her lip as Beca teasingly backed away, her shoulders bouncing. She could see so much happiness in that puckish smirk that Chloe could only answer in kind.

"Don't hate on my skillz, Chlo."

"Oh my god!"

But Beca was already sprinting toward the stairs.

She caught her just as Beca landed on her bed. Wrapping her arms around her, she playfully bit the spot in her shoulder where she knew Beca was ticklish as they fumbled across the sheets, giggling and teasing.

"Oh my god, nerd power! You can't use nerd power against me!" Beca cried as she thrashed. "Fuck! Uncle! Jesus! I'm dying!"

Chloe buried her smile in Beca's throat, breathing in her scent.

Her Beca.

"Careful, otherwise I'll tickle you in the other spot, the one on the back of your knee."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would, you had better be careful!" She softly kissed her shoulder, her neck, her chin, loving the soft crinkles around her eyes as she smiled, the creases around her lips. She slid her palm over her cheek, kissing the other and sighing, "You're beautiful."

She watched some of the playfulness leave Beca's eyes, connecting with hers uncertainly.

"You are. You're beautiful, Beca."

"I-"

She pulled her in, kissing her lightly, feeling something new stirring inside of her.

This time when her fingers began to brush across her body it wasn't silly or exploratory. It was communication.

She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her tightly to her, hugging her and feeling Beca do the same.

"Bec, I – I want to, is it okay if-"

Beca was already nodding.

"I don't want to hurt you or, I don't know, scratch you or something."

"You won't." Beca shook her head fast. "It's okay."

"Okay."

Chloe, her stomach slightly nervous, leaned back and let her fingers slid down Beca's stomach. She stopped for a moment, glancing back at Beca's reassuring face and let her fingers fall into Beca's soft curls, cupping and then tentatively slipping in for the first time. "Oh god." She hadn't known she would feel like this. She couldn't help herself, Beca's name falling from her lips over and over as she touched her, praying her affection into her.

She lost track of time, unaware if it was passing or if, for them, it had stopped.

She was speechless as she listened to Beca's breath, to her sounds; awestruck when she felt her tense, shaking as her arms held her tightly to her.

Minutes or years later, she let Beca turn her, playing with Beca's hair as she settled across her stomach.

It was just so easy.

"That was - different."

"Yeah," Chloe smiled, curling a lock around her finger and then releasing it. "It was."

"I'm sorry about earlier."

Chloe chewed her lip, feeling Beca's fingers lightly trace her belly button.

She had wanted to talk to Beca before they went to bed together again and then she had become so thoroughly and completely distracted that she hadn't. It wasn't right. "Bec-"

"Hmm?"

But suddenly - she was afraid.

This had been what made her run last time...Nick's baby. Was she really about to do the same thing again hoping for a different reaction?

Beca's head rose, turning around to her, sensing her sudden discomfort, "What's wrong?"

"I-" she could feel her heart hammering so she reached, sliding her fingers through Beca's and holding her hand tight. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay...Chlo, you're scaring me a little here."

"No! No, it's good." Oh no, no tears, not right now. "Just - hold my hand, okay? Don't - don't run from me."

"Yeah, not feeling any better about this."

Chloe bit her lip, running her free hand through the tangle of Beca's hair, "Sweetie, I'm pregnant."

Beca's face remained blank, as though she were still waiting for Chloe to tell her whatever it was she had to tell her. "Oh! ….. OH!...Ooooooooh!" Chloe watched surprise and understanding cross her face. "That's why you've been turning down every drink I make you - and leave every time I smoke….shit! I'll smoke outside…shit! I'll quit smoking, oh fuck! Fuck! That was why Nick was such a dick! Oh god, should I not say fuck - or dick? Can it hear me? Shit!" Beca's hand had clamped down on her belly as though that would cover the tiny, not yet formed ears. "Crap!" Her hands flew off of her stopping midair, "Am I crushing you? Am I squishing it! Oh god, what if I flattened it like a pancake!" Beca looked up at her, slightly crazy eyed, "That can't happen, right? I mean, I can't squash it."

Chloe slowly shook her head, stunned.

"Okay." Beca settled back down, gently as if suddenly Chloe were made of delicate blown glass. She stared, her eyes wide and open at Chloe's smooth belly as if seeing it anew. Softly her fingers touched her skin and then flattened out, "Really?" she squeaked and then - to Chloe's surprise, Beca leaned forward and kissed her just over her belly button, "There's really a baby in there?"

"Umm-hmm."

Beca's head came back up again, worried, "Is it okay for me to be here?"

Chloe just nodded.

She had been so afraid. This was so not the reaction she had been expecting. Not at all. She watched Beca carefully rest her head over her belly, tracing the gentle lines in her abdomen.

"Do you know if it's a girl or boy yet?"

"Not yet."

"Do you know what you want?" Beca asked with a small smile.

"Healthy."

"Well yeah!" She rolled her eyes, "I just meant, you know, if you could choose."

Chloe didn't have to think about it, "A little girl."

Beca's face came off of her belly again and once again Chloe was baffled by what she saw there, "A legacy?" Her voice squeaked, her smile was so huge, her eyes twinkling so brightly; it took Chloe's breath away. "How long? I mean, um, how far?"

"I'm not sure." She admitted, "A few weeks."

"You don't know?"

She watched the same furious look she had seen on Nick's face now spread across Beca's, "Everyone is so quick to be mad at me for that but this is my fourth pregnancy, Bec and I'm still not a mother."

Beca sat up again, "You are a mother. You just don't have your baby yet."

Warmth spread through her as she reached up and touched Beca's cheeks, "You're being so sweet to me."

Beca frowned, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Chloe thought of all the things she could say, but instead she just pulled her in, kissing her long and slow.

"Do you really think that you're not going to keep it?"

"I don't know, Beca. I never have. I used to think it was karma, like some kind of punishment for something I've done wrong. Maybe it was just for not living my life the way that I should, or living my life true to myself; for basically lying to myself for years but now...I don't know. The odds are I won't keep this one any more than I kept the others."

For a brief second the thought of that day crossed her mind, the day when she would start to hurt, start to bleed and a crash of panic hit her, her hand went over Beca's on her stomach.

"But what if you do?"

"Do what?"

"Keep it."

Chloe shook her head and shrugged, "Nick will be a great dad, I know he will."

"Right." She saw something dark cross Beca's face, "Yeah, totally. Daddy Nick. I hadn't - well, I heard Henderson is a great place to raise a kid." She watched Beca's face grow darker, shade by shade.

"Beca, I don't want to go back, I don't. And I don't know that I am going to go back. But if I don't then I will have nothing, nowhere to live, no job, no money, no way to take care of myself let alone a baby."

"That's not true, Chlo. Stay here, stay with me." She watched Beca crawl up her and took the kiss that was given to her, sighing when Beca curled up beside her, a hand sliding over her stomach.

"Beca, I can't just go from one person to the next. I - I need to take care of myself. I might be having a baby, I need - oh god, I need a job and an apartment and - and a life."

"Let me help you."

"Beca…" She couldn't find the words to explain. She just knew - she needed to do this on her own – that she couldn't... So instead she asked, "So. Are you serious about that quitting smoking thing?"