At first Chloe couldn't tell what it was that had woken her. It was clearly very early, so early that the sun wasn't fully in the sky and yet something on the other side of the bed was shaking her awake.
"Bec?" She could see the vague shape of Beca beside her, turned away and curled tightly around herself as her whole body shook. "Bec!" She had meant to hold on to her all night, to refuse to let go because she knew that Beca would be too stubborn to wake her if something was wrong. She supposed they had both rolled away in their sleep instead and now here was Beca, on the opposite side of the bed, crying into her pillow, alone. She quickly corrected the situation, wrapping her arms around the shuddering body, spooning into her. "Why didn't you wake me?" She asked, nuzzling into her neck, pleased when Beca sank into her instead of pulling away. "Are you okay?"
"What?" Beca sniffed, her voice thick and not fooling anyone. "Yeah, totally. I mean, I just watched a guy die last night, Hunny is in the hospital unresponsive and I have like the biggest meeting of my life today. I'm good. I'm cool, you know," she sniffed, "just- going to fail my life today and,"
Chloe pulled her in closer, "Beca, don't think that way. Today is going to be a great day."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes." She said with all the confidence she could muster. There was nothing she could say about Jeremy that would help and the only thing that would help with Hunny was learning she was conscious but this, at least, she could insist on.
"Okay then. So-" Beca turned over to face her but her look of skepticism dropped away, "What's wrong?"
Chloe had retracted a little, overly cautious. For just a second - a mere moment - she had gotten a whiff of Beca's conditioner and her stomach had turned.
"You're looking a little green."
"Hmm? No, I'm okay." She gave her a huge smile to hide her sudden disappointment. How weird, being disappointed because you're notsick. It was the stress. She had been very stressed; so much had happened in the last few weeks. Then again, right here, with Beca...yeah, it wasn't too stressful. "What time is your meeting?"
"Hours from now."
She watched Beca curl up again, "Hey, it's really going to be alright. I think you and Kendra are going to have fun. It's not going to be like EZ, you get to do your art today; think about that." She softly wiped the last few tears from under Beca's eyes. "I know last night was scary, Bec, but don't let it take away your confidence about today."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
"Come on. Roll over." Chloe still didn't really know what to do to help Beca. She could still see the ghosts in Beca's deep eyes, only this morning there was also panic, honest and pure panic. She knew the meeting with Kendra was a big deal to Beca which almost baffled Chloe because if there was ever something that Beca was meantto do, it was this. She could see it; future Beca running her studio with wise talent and appreciation, seeing over her staff and making music that wowed the masses. Shecould see it as clearly as she could see Beca's open and vulnerable face in front of her. How could she make Beca see it too? She didn't know, but at least she could hopefully pull that tight tension from the tendons in Beca's neck and throat which stood out in sharp relief.
So she pushed her over, giving her shoulder a kiss, climbed onto her back and slowly began to run her hands up and down Beca's spine, searching for kinks and gently working them out. "I don't know what to say about Jeremy and Hunny, Bec. I just have to believe that Jeremy will be okay now and that Hunny will find her way. They will both be okay - in their own ways. The only thing you can do is, I think, take it all day by day."
"You sound like Emily. She texted me that a few hours ago. All of that no day but today shit."
"Bec," Chloe giggled, "I think that's 'Rent' that you're quoting, not A.A."
Beca paused, "Really?"
She leaned down and kissed her ear, pleased when that made Beca smile a little, "Yup. I think you're thinking of 'one day at a time'."
Beca sat silent for a moment longer, processing. "Right."
Chloe bit her lip and started on her shoulder again, "Did she have anything else to say?"
"No," Beca sighed, the humor in her voice drifting away again, "she was looking for an update...I didn't have one."
"Well, she's right, you know." Chloe leaned down and kissed the bars across Beca's back.
Beca sighed, burying her face in the pillow, taking a few long deep breaths.
"Just let it go for right now; all of it, the worry the stress. You got this."
She watched Beca nod, kneading in with her thumb. Beca was silent for so long that Chloe was sure she had fallen back to sleep. She let her fingers ease, turning instead into soft brushes.
Maybe she would call someone today and get some type of advice; surely there must be something she could do that would help Beca through this. But who would she call? The only other person she called when she was in trouble was Aubrey and she wasn't sure that she could help. If Chloe felt out of her depth here then Aubrey would have no idea.
Maybe she should call her father, he was a psychologist; maybe he could give her some honest advice. Then again, he probably wouldn't. Ifshe could get ahold of him he would probably just spout off about grief groups and the type of mumbo-jumbo she had heard her entire childhood every time she had a problem. Plus, if she was hesitant to call Brey because she had no idea how to update her on her life then her parents would be even worse.
She wondered briefly if Nick had told Marcy yet.
"Aren't you supposed to be? Sick I mean? Isn't that usually how that works?"
Chloe's hands stuttered, pausing over Beca's skin before sinking back in with feigned confidence, "Supposed to be what?" She asked, her voice smoothly chipper.
Beca snorted into the pillow, "Yeah, I don't buy that response for a second."
Chloe frowned, "This just - let's focus on you, okay?"
She was supposed to be sick. She had always been sick during her pregnancies. She couldn't stop thinking about that.
During her first pregnancy …baby Raleigh… with Raleigh she had woken to be sick every single morning like clockwork at six A.M. Nick had teasingly stopped setting his alarm. She had been miserable during her second, unable to move, every scent she came across so overpowering that she had basically spent a month hiding away in her bathroom.
That brief flash of scent induced nausea had made her hopeful, especially when she remembered that strange moment next to the alley the night before but no, it had passed too quickly.
She was sure of it, there was no way she was still pregnant. Not all miscarriages were like the ones she had, some simply passed without notice, right?
She wasn't pregnant, there was no way.
Fate didn't work that way.
Not for her, not in the last few years.
Not with this subject.
She supposed she would find out for sure soon.
Then again...at least she would know. She could move forward then, start planning her life, deciding what came next.
She heard a small dissatisfied noise from Beca, who was clearly not at all pleased with her answer. She rolled to her back below her, an expectant look on her face.
Chloe hadn't realized she had looked away from her until Beca pulled her chin back, popping an eyebrow, "Okay, so clearly I'm like really late to the party and I only just caught on to this secret really big deal thing. What's going on?"
Chloe took a deep breath and shook her head, "Nothing. It's just – this is your morning, let's help you relax before your meeting. How can I help you relax?" She gave her a suggestive wink.
"Chlo."
"How am I supposed to give you a backrub like this?' She asked, ignoring her, "I guess I could, but I think it might turn into something else pretty quickly." She said it with a devilish smile but Beca didn't return it. "Beca. Come on!"
"I don't want to talk about me, I don't really want to think about me, Chlo. I want to talk about you and whatever you're trying, very poorly by the way, to keep from me."
She frowned, not really liking where this was going. She didn't want to talk about this, not this morning, not until she really knew. "It's nothing," She glanced down at Beca's face and kept talking because she knew that Beca wasn't going to let it go, "I just, I should be sick by now, even if I was only a month along but I'm not. I'm not even sure I am pregnant. Okay, there, I said it. And now let's just -"
"What? Of course you're pregnant. Wouldn't you know if you weren't?"
"Logically, but…" she shrugged.
"Pregnancy is so weird." Beca sighed, running her hands distractingly up and down Chloe's stomach, "Shouldn't not puking your brains out be a good thing?"
Chloe watched a shadow pass over Beca's eyes and she wondered if she was thinking of the night before again. "Not for me."
"When's your doctor appointment?"
"Soon." She didn't really want to tell her exactly how soon.
"And you really don't think you're actually pregnant?"
She shook her head, discomfort in her belly, "I don't really want to talk about this. Is that okay?"
"Well, I don't want to talk about last night - or today."
Uncomfortable tension was rare between them; it always had been, frankly. Yes, there had been moments when one of them had hurt the other and things had become a bit strained, just like any other friendship. But over all they had always been able to wiggle their way under the other's defenses enough to bypass discomfort. Even when Chloe had cornered Beca in the shower there had been something more there than uncomfortable tension. So when it came up, like now, neither really knew what to do with it, especially when it came when they were sitting naked together in bed, "Then let's talk about something else?" Chloe tried, her lips twisting. They each had things they wanted to avoid right now, didn't they?
Beca's eyes narrowed, clearly unsure if that was possible.
Honestly, Chloe wasn't sure either. She could feel their individual edges and wondered for a moment how they really would get through the day.
"Maybe we should go back to sleep? It's so early, we're going to be tired."
Beca frowned but gave her a small nod.
"Okay." She gave her a shining smile and rolled over, back onto the bed. She wrapped herself tightly around Beca, burying her face into her shoulder blades and sighed, pleasantly surprised when Beca pulled her arms tighter around her waist and closed the last bit of distance between them.
There were other things to talk about too.
How long before Beca would demand to know what was happening with them?
The thought made Chloe's stomach leap nervously again so she pushed it away, running her lips between Beca's shoulder blades, trying to examine from the pressure of Beca's hands on hers if she needed to be concerned about Beca or not.
"What if I totally just fuck this up today?"
"You won't. You can't. The whole point of this is that she wants you, Beca Mitchell. You can't fuck up being Beca Mitchell."
"You wanna bet?"
"You won't."
"I fucked up last night."
"I know you think so, but you didn't. I think there is a good chance you saved Hunny, Bec."
Beca didn't respond but she gave her hand a squeeze before her fingers spidered between hers and clutched them tight. Chloe smiled into the skin of Beca's back, enjoying those delightful little butterflies. Beca was holding her hand. This is how she knew she had really gotten inwith Beca. She ran from everything and everyone, pushed them away with all of her might. Sitting here and having Beca hold her to her - something that was so small for everyone else - was so significant for them. A week ago she would have disappeared, hiding and licking her wounds after something like the night before happened, but instead she was there - with her. That moment, Beca lacing her fingers through Chloe's, was far more significant to Chloe than the fact that they were lying there naked together; that could be just sex, this was – connection…comfort…affection.
Chloe sat for a while, holding Beca's hand and listening to her breathing, listening to it slow, to it rounding out.
It was comforting listening to Beca relax. So much so that she wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep, all she knew was some time later she woke again with the sun much higher in the sky.
She yawned, somehow the last hour or two of sleep had soothed her own worries and she felt a little better. "Oh!" She jumped when she realized Beca's eyes were open, studying her face with a small smile.
"You're smiling." Chloe smiled back, brushing her cheek with her knuckles.
Beca's grin grew, "I woke up next to a verypretty girl. A very pretty naked girl."
Chloe opened her mouth but fell silent as she realized she could feel her cheeks warming.
"Did I just make you blush?"
"No, of course not," but she looked away, down to the blankets as her face grew hotter. Finally she just buried her face in her hands. Why had that made her blush so badly?
She felt Beca's fingers touch her face and let out a quick breath of surprise when she leaned in, pulling her into a deep kiss. "Do you have any fucking idea how long I've wanted to do that?"
Chloe felt her cheeks, which had only just cooled, growing warm again as Beca ran her hand over her ribs, taking a needy kiss.
"You snore."
"I do not!" Chloe gasped, sitting half up.
"Kinda yeah. Nothing but little," Beca made a few soft grunts. "It's cute."
Chloe's eyes narrowed, "You seem like you're feeling a little better."
"Yeah, I think I am. I woke up a few minutes ago and I just kinda thought, holy crap, I'm still here, you know? Is that totally clique?"
"No! You are! You are still here." She gave her a small smile, tracing her lips. "Hold on a minute, okay?" She began to pull herself up and out of bed. She had a slight hang up about her breath.
"Do you have to?"
"Little bit." Chloe gave her a face and tried to get up.
"Noooo!"
Chloe yelped as Beca's arms closed tightly around her, loving the little laugh that came from Beca's throat.
"I'll be right back!" But instead of rising, she let out a squawk as Beca pulled her back down, hiding her smile in Chloe's throat. She loved this side of Beca, the side that cuddled in close, needing her near; the silly side. She had always loved it but she found that right now she loved it all the more when she could feel Beca's bare breast grazing across hers, when she could feel the soft skin of her thigh across her own. She let out a teasing whine that she needed to go to the bathroom and brush her teeth. She tried to slide out of her arms and instead only managed to slide Beca down her body until she was wrapped around her legs before she gave up with a huff. "Really, I could be back already."
Beca just let out a grunt.
"Beeecccaaaaaa!" She laughed but a part of her wondered if the idea of her leaving, even for a minute, really did make Beca uncomfortable. She was laughing in her usual teasing way but there was also a slight edge around Beca's eyes. Again she felt the magnitude of their friendship, the aweing realization that she and she alone was the one that could make Beca feel better, feel safe. She had felt this before and she always loved it, found comfort in it. She smiled to herself, biting her lip to hide it and gave her legs another pull.
"I don't wanna!"
Chloe rolled her eyes, "I will tickle you."
"Don't you even! That's cheating!"
"Here's the thing," Chloe said, folding her face into a stern, serious look, "if I really wanted to get away I could." Beca's eyes glittered at the challenge. "You're tiny."
Beca scowled, "You could probably bench press me if you wanted to."
Chloe bit her lip, "You haveto start taking your cardio more seriously, Bec!" She pulled herself up to make her point and headed to the en suite. "Then again, you've always been pretty scrappy. You've thrown me around once or twice." She thought of all the times she had jumped into Beca's arms, or Beca had lifted her off the ground, or even better the times they had been wrestling or teasing and Beca had simply swept her off her feet.
Whew, okay, she needed to not think about that right now because that would make her mind go - other places. There was something so sexy about getting picked up and thrown around.
"Scrappy?Did you just call me scrappy? That makes me sound like an alley cat with patches and a fucked up tail and one eye like those cats from old cartoons."
"If the shoe fits!"
"HEY!"
She loped back into the room, grinning and stood looking back at Beca in the bed, at the way her face was turned up to her in a genuine, simple smile. Her heart did a quick flip-flop. "I stand by my word choice."
"Asshole." Beca said with a grin.
She opened her mouth and then decided to say nothing. Beca was lying there in bed, waiting for her – and she was naked. Beca barely seemed to realize that she was naked. She definitely didn't seem to realize that the blanket had half fallen, exposing a pale tan nipple.
She slid back in beside her, studying Beca's face as she checked her phone. It had fallen rather suddenly, her eyebrows creased.
"No news about Hunny."
"No news is probably good news, right?"
Beca shrugged, cuddling in tight.
"You okay, sweetie?"
Beca just shrugged again, "I wish someone would call me with an update before this stupid meeting. Just so I don't keep thinking about it, you know?"
"You just need to clear your head. I have faith in you."
"I can't. I mean, yeah, I'm still here but I dunno. Ugh, I want to go back to thirty seconds ago before I looked at my stupid phone."
"Then let's make that happen, alley cat." Chloe felt a slight tremor rock through Beca so she pulled her close, "Hmmm, what can I do to distract you?"
Maybe it was the thought of tiny Beca picking her up and throwing her around. She knew she could do it...if she asked her to...she felt herself hum to life at the thought, picturing that moment, Beca lifting her by the back of the thighs and slamming her into the wall.
Chloe knew her distraction was already working when Beca's head came up from her neck, an eyebrow high at the coyly sultry innuendo in her voice.
"Breakfast?"
Beca shook her head, looking queasy.
"You have to eat something."
Beca's frown grew so Chloe leaned in and closed her teeth lightly around her bottom lip, pulling it away.
She felt Beca twitch all over, her hands instantly closing on her hips and then rubbing back and forth as though it had only just occurred to her that she was sans clothing.
"Hmm, yoga?"
Beca shook her head vigorously so Chloe leaned down and ran her nose up her throat, taking a second to suck on the skin just under her chin, listening to Beca's little whimper.
"What if we stay up here to do it?"
Beca moaned.
"Hmmm." Chloe said thoughtfully, all too aware of Beca's body against hers, "Do you want to make out with me?"
Beca's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline as she squeaked, "Um, yeah, okay."
Chloe watched the shadow in Beca's I-swear-I'm-fine eyes disappear as she leaned in; pushing her jaw up with a finger so she could take her lips, pressing a soft kiss there. "Today is going to be amazing." She gave her a smile, leaning in for another chaste kiss. "Just wait, you'll see." This time when she leaned down she let her tongue flick ever so slightly across the bottom of Beca's lip, enjoying the way her mouth instantly popped open. "The question is," she whispered as she ran her tongue over her lip, "is this a good idea or a bad one before Kendra?"
"Good, so good." Beca groaned, trying to pull her in by the ribs, searching for a real kiss but Chloe resisted.
"Hey! Watch your hands!" She teased, "Second base is not included in this make-out session, not until you've eaten something."
Beca pulled back, smirking and Chloe felt the breath whoosh from her at the implication.
Oh god.
She had walked right into that and she wanted to do it again - and maybe again. Trying to keep the upper hand she gave her a smirk and a slow, purposeful wink in return, "We will discuss that after breakfast."
"Ohmygod!" Beca cried, her hands clapping on her sides, "How the fuck did Nick handle you for that long? You're going to kill me, I freaking swear it."
"Hmm," Chloe thought, eyes rolling when Beca leaned up and softly nibbled at her pulse point, "I don't think I was like this with Nick."
"Like what exactly? Total awesome torture?"
"Mmm, like this." She let her hand settle on Beca's throat, pushing her lightly back and slipping into Beca's mouth with hopeless abandon, letting her lips sweep and then press, letting her tongue slide against Beca's. She felt Beca's head pop back off the pillow in surprise, meeting her with equal fervor.
Mmmm, the kissing.
And there was that instant fire that Chloe was becoming steadily familiar with, low in her belly and spreading.
She let out her own knowing noise as she slid against Beca's tongue, massaging it gently, listening to their breath pick up. She tilted her head this way and that, delighted as her tongue caressed everything she could reach, careful to give some but not enough.
Nick had never enjoyed this. He liked to kiss well enough, but really only as a means to start things off, he rarely enjoyed it just for the act and the taunting; it always just annoyed him very quickly.
She let her fingers splay against Beca's temple, pushing her face sideways into the pillow so Beca's neck was exposed, working her way down and back.
She could feel Beca's hips beginning to rock and she had to swallow down a noise of pleasure as she moved back to her lips. This might be backfiring on her a little bit.
Beca groaned, frustrated and yet obviously delighted as Chloe teased, her tongue pushing Beca's back every time it tried to enter her mouth, blocking her access. "Oh my god, I hate you."
"Uh-huh, no you don't," Chloe grinned, her hand moving down to Beca's stomach, closing her lips around Beca's, softly probing, giving gentle caresses to the tip of Beca's before she took her top lip between her own and gave it a light suck.
"This isn't fair." Beca moaned when her hands reached for Chloe again, and again Chloe batted them away.
"The whole point is the distraction," Chloe grinned proudly for a second, catching Beca's tongue with her own and pulling it into her mouth so she could give it a light bite.
The sound that came from Beca was mind blowing. "Nope, not fair."
"What's not fair exa, acck!"
Suddenly she was on her back, Beca's fingers clutching her chin in a vise as she took control, locking her against the pillow and holding her mouth open. Chloe was pinned, only proving her earlier point - Beca could do it if she decided to. Then Chloe's mind was ripped apart as she felt Beca's tongue sliding along hers, rolling and retracting, up and down, up and down, rolling and retracting, mimicking the way her tongue had moved against other parts of her.
She thought the sound that came from her was supposed to be something like, 'oh god' but it didn't quite reach full form. She felt her body ignite, her eyes rolling back as Beca purposely, pointedly and boldly tongue fucked her mouth.
"Not – fair," she gasped, when Beca released her, moving on to suck on her earlobe.
"Don't I know it."
"Do it again."
She barely had time to notice Beca's amused smile before she was back, their tongues rolling together. She wasn't sure when her leg had crawled around Beca's hip – higher - crawling up around her back so high that her knee bumped Beca's armpit; not until Beca's hand came down on it, pressing and catching it between the front of their shoulders. She felt her thigh stretch and she moaned.
She was holding Beca by the neck, rocking against her and she knew that somehow she had lost the upper hand in this game.
Oh god, Beca was the best lover.
She felt Beca's breath release in a huff against her face as she pushed Chloe's leg into the stretch a little deeper, seeming to like the way that Chloe was able to bend.
She let out a few small sounds, her mind running over a million possible scenes that could be played out - right now – in this position, please. Her fingers tightened, her short nails pricking the back of Beca's neck, trying to push Beca to lose control.
Chloe was just on the brink of beginning to beg when the doorbell rang downstairs.
"Nooooo." Beca groaned, sucking just behind Chloe's ear. She could feel Beca's hands hovering over her body and it was pure torture; she wanted them.
"No, no, no," Chloe shook her head, her pinned leg springing out and over Beca's shoulder, hooking her as she forced Beca's hand down onto her breast; moaning as Beca's lips followed instantly. "Oh! Ye - ooh!" She was going to go crazy if Beca flattened her leg against her own shoulder any more than this, if she opened her any more without touching her.
The doorbell went off again, this time much longer.
"I should see who it is."
"Don't you dare leave right now, Beca Mitchell," Chloe warned, her leg holding tighter.
"I have to, there's someone at the door."
"I don't care," Chloe grunted, pulling Beca back in. Yeah, she had lost the upper hand alright.
"What happened to no second base before breakfast? Though, this leg thing might count as second." Beca gave her signature smirk, her teeth closing on the back of Chloe's thigh. "I like this."
"Well. Why do you think I'm doing it?"
Beca smiled her best bratty grin into Chloe's skin, biting and sucking. "So? What happened? Second base? No second base, remember that, Chlo?"
"Hmm?" She was far too focused on the placement of Beca's hips to notice her words. "What? I don't care about second base. I want third. Fourth. Is there a fifth? I want the fifth."
Beca laughed, "What is fifth?"
"I don't know, let's find out." She gasped.
"I can't. Look at the time, I have to get ready." Chloe hungrily accepted the next kiss, "Plus, there is someone at the door and apparently, from the way they are ringing, they really want to see us."
"Shit," she grumbled as Beca began to pull away, flopping backward and trying to catch her breath, "That was so not how that was supposed to go!"
Beca sighed slipping off the bed and running her hands through her hair, stopping just to look at Chloe, "Fuck, that might have been the hottest thing I've ever – fuck," as she pulled on a tee shirt and shorts.
"Becaaa!"
The buzzer went off for a full thirty seconds.
"Jesus, what is it you down there?"
Chloe felt her eyes narrow. She did not want to get up. Her stomach gurgled and she knew she was hungry but she still didn't want to get up.
"I'll see you downstairs!" Beca called over her shoulder after another long regretful look.
Chloe scowled. She wasn't sure if she had made things better for her or if she had just frustrated both of them.
'****'
Clearly she could make it through an Ironman.
Seriously.
Screw the triathlon; if she could pull herself away from Chloe's very bendy body like she just had then there was no need to compete. They should just give her the trophy.
She bit her lip.
Chloe's very bendy body.
Chloe's very bendy naked body.
Chloe's very bendy naked body – literally begging her to have sex with her – begging for her fingers and for her mouth.
Her feet stopped on the stairs. What the hell was she doing?
She spun on her heels and had made it two stairs before the doorbell went off again.
"Damn it!"
It could be about Hunny.
The doorbell went off again and she rolled her eyes.
Her best guess really would have been that somehow Chloe was at her door downstairs. No one else gave her buzzer a workout like this. Not that she had recently, since she - you know - had a key. God, would she ever get used to shit like that? Chloe was upstairs naked – she had just been very naked and, okay possibly rubbing herself against her – after they had woken up next to one another - she had a key - later when Beca went to work she would drive Chloe's car - fucking, what the hell had her life become in the last week?
Everything.
It had become everything.
But she couldn't think about that, not right now. She had other things on her mind, filling it to the brim.
The buzzing seemed to go on and on until finally she cried, "Alright, I'm coming! Jesus!"
Under the warm cotton satisfaction of Chloe's distraction her head wasn't really a great place to be right now...though the slightly bruised feeling of her lips was really helping...a lot.
Still, it was constantly warring, going back and forth between Jeremy's slack face and remembering the professional, no-nonsense voice of Kendra. Both sent her mind reeling and made her want to crawl back into bed and hide from the monsters while all at once making her want to go out and accomplish something huge and badass.
She was fucking alive.
Hunny, though still - she had to assume - unresponsive was also alive. Hunny would be okay, she knew that Chloe was right about that - she would get out of the hospital and David would put her in rehab. When that was over she and Emily would make her be okay, force her if they needed to. They all could get on the sober train together; Beca was fine with that. Somehow, in the last weeks, her desire to drink had gone way down – or at least it had before she had found herself standing at the bar with EZ on her first night back- and now if two of the people closely tied into her life were sober - and a third was sober for the sake of a pregnancy - Beca could do it too. She almost wanted to.
Then again, would Hunny stay closely tied to her life? Would she come back and fill the space she used to or would that space be filled by another redhead?
Aaaaand shit.
She didn't let herself think about that. Right now was notthe time to talk titles or even the future with Chloe - for either of them. Beca couldn't really handle that - and it clearlywasn't the time for Chloe to settle into anything; she was barely beginning her own transition.
Still she liked to wonder - was that where they were heading?
No time soon of course, but like – one day?
Oh my god, stahp!
She stomped down the last stair and just as it had constantly since the night before, Jeremy's face popped into her head. She knew she couldn't do anything for Jeremy, she had known it last night and she knew it today. She had known Jeremy by reputation more than she had known him personally. As a matter of fact, the thing she had known about him was that this wasn't his first time; he had nearly died the year before. As a matter of fact, Beca had been surprised to see him...she had thought he was still in rehab. She knew he was the main guy at The Royal, the main connect, but she hadn't really seen him.
What she regretted was that she hadn't known he and Hunny had become friends - like at all. She knew that she had probably helped Hunny the night before, she really did. She just wished that she had known because she could have done - something. Hunny liked her substances but if she had realized the type she had moved on to Beca would have at least called her agent sooner. And she damn well would have tried to keep Jeremy away from her. The dude had all the smooth charm and appeal of a world-class drug dealer frankly, when it came to Hunny, that wasn't good. She didn't need even more incentive.
She sighed.
It had happened.
There was nothing that she could do about it now.
...honestly, she was almost glad it happened.
She had never felt so goddamn motivated to get her shit together in her life.
She had never felt so goddamned scared.
It was time to take the bull by the horns.
She was going to kick ass this afternoon.
If she didn't vomit on Kendra first.
"I'M COMI-" Beca threw open the door as the buzzer went off - yet a-freaking-gain and stopped short.
She had expected it to be P.J. or Marion, maybe even Emily, someone that had something to do with last night so for a second all she could do was stare, open mouthed at the tall blonde.
Her lips cracked into a grin, a genuine grin as she realized she was excited to see her friend. "Oh my god, hi!" Aubrey had done this once before, simply shown up to hang out. It had been very early after her move to L.A. but she had loved it and they had a blast.
Then she remembered Aubrey's cold stare from the trip before and wasn't sure she could handle this on top of everything else too.
That's right, she had lost her friendship with Aubrey; for a second there, she had forgotten.
"Wow! What the hell are you doing here, Aubs?"
Aubrey's tongue clicked as she gave her a plastic smile, "I'm looking for-"
Well fuck me then. "Right, obvs. You're here for-"
"Brey?" Chloe's voice came from behind her. "Oh my god, Brey! What are you doing here?"
Beca jumped out of the way just in time as Chloe blew by her, throwing her arms around her other best friend.
"Woooow, you both sound so happy to see me." Aubrey rolled her eyes.
"Of course we are! We're just surprised." Chloe wrapped her arms around Aubrey again, giving her cheek a series of quick kisses and Beca felt an unexplainable spasm of annoyance, of - jealousy? Why the hell was she jealous? Because Chloe was so excited to see her? Of course she was, this was Aubrey.
"Well, I did start in Henderson but Nick kindly pointed me here- to L.A. - with Beca!" Aubrey's plastic smile was so polite but Beca knew from the way that Aubrey's chin drew in, from the way her hands clasped in front of her that it was just a show.
"Um, I'm right here, Au-"
"Chloe, the last time we spoke," Beca sighed, shut down, "you were yelling at me about Nick and his office girl and then you disappeared. Of course I got on a plane. I was worried. Are you alright? What's going on?" She ran her fingers over Chloe's neck and shoulders, giving her an appraising once over.
Beca watched Chloe's lips twist as she studied the ground, "Yeah, I'm okay. There have been a lot of – things." Beca wanted to laugh as she saw Chloe throw her half a glance. "I'm okay, Brey you didn't need to come all of this way! The retreat!"
"Can run itself for a few days."
She watched Chloe's cheeks flush and then go slightly sallow. You know, it was funny and all but Beca hadn't really realized it, honestly she hadn't really thought of it at all but there was a whole hell of a lot to fill Aubrey in on, wasn't there? How much did she know? How in touch with Aubrey had Chloe been? It sounded like she hadn't been at all. Did she know about the kiss before Chloe left for Henderson? Beca's car accident? Flashlight going into A.A.? Or what about Nick and Jenny? Did she know that Chloe was pregnant? Oh shit, did she know what was happening between them? Did she know that they had just been naked together upstairs minutes before? Oh this was going to kill Aubrey. The thought made her smile to herself and then the smile dropped away. Beca blew out a long breath, "It's good to see you, Aubs." She wished that Aubrey would look at her a little less like she was a bug. Were they just not friends now? Like, across the board? "Are you staying? Can I show you up to a guest room?"
"I'll get a-"
"Oh come on, at least you can stay with us, err, me. I mean, and yeah, you still have that 'screw Beca' look on your face but I think once we get past that things will be good. We'll have fun. Come on."
Aubrey's hands went to the back of her hips as she stared down at Beca and not really knowing what else to do, Beca just stared back.
"What, my place not good enough?"
This was fun. Great way to start the morning.
The fuck?
She felt her insides wriggle a bit and wondered yet again if it would be okay to be sick on the floor.
Of course it is, this is your place and even if it wasn't, who understood spontaneous vomiting more than Aubrey?
"Fine."
Beca gave a small nod, "Can I help you grab something from the car?"
"So how have you been, Aubrey?" Beca asked as they left the elevator at the ground floor, "I feel like we didn't get to talk much last time. How's the retreat?"
"It's going well, thank you."
"Awesome. I've got a big-"
"Why is Chloe here?" Aubrey suddenly turned on her, cutting her off entirely.
It was always a little frustrating how hard it was to get out full sentences around the blonde.
"Errr-" she grabbed the other small bag in the back of the rental car and turned, taking a deep breath, "I dunno, Aubrey. You're going to have to ask her. So like, do you like not care about our friendship at all anymore? You were a total bitch to me last time and it seems like that is going to be how it goes now too."
"You know I've always had trust issues with you, Beca."
"What? Because I sang a different song in your set like a bajillion years ago and you think it almost took the ICCA's away from us? What? It's been fucking years. I was like eighteen! Get over it! You don't like my attitude? Well, it's different now. I'mdifferent now."
"No you're not! I used to be on your side Beca, I used to feel bad for you with this thingyou always had for her. I was mad, on your behalf, when I found out she never knew. But then I remembered that it hasn't been that long since you were running from Chloe, fighting in your kitchen, being an all-around toolbag."
"I uh-"
"I don't understand, Beca. Why is she here? Is it for you? She always seems to be doing this or that because you need it. Was it another car accident?"
"What? No! Has it ever occurred to you that she's here for her own reasons? Maybe I'm not this evil temptress who lured her in with candy and a white minivan. Oh my fucking god,why am I even fighting with you about this. Look, you're going to have to ask Chloe why she is here, I guess."
She turned and started back to the condo. She quickly caught the elevator, giving Aubrey a dry smile as the doors closed before she could catch up. Once inside she headed straight up the stairs but not before she caught a quick glance of Chloe in the kitchen, her face tomato red, her lips trembling; frozen in place and looking guilty as though moments before she had been pacing and flailing, on the verge of tears.
Crap. I guess that answered how much she's been in contact with Aubrey. It couldn't be that bad. Only a few days, right? Err, like…ten…ish. Though, maybe it wasn't the amount of time, maybe it was the content.
"So here you go." Beca dropped the bag on the bed when Aubrey appeared. "Take a second. Please." She clicked on a fake smile that dropped away almost instantly. "For the record, I thought our friendship meant something to you. Took us a lot to get there. The way you're acting? Yeah, kind of bullshit."
Aubrey scowled but Beca just moved around her.
"I'm fine!" Chloe gasped, unprompted as soon as Beca rounded the corner into the kitchen.
"Uh yeah, totally. Sure, why not?"
"I'm fine!" She cried in a hoarse whisper, pacing fast, her hands waving at her sides.
"Chlo!" Beca grabbed her and held the hiccupping woman still, "It's just Aubrey. What are you always saying about personal truths and shit? Well, now is the time."
"Becccaaaaaa! I haven't told her anything. I'm such a shitty friend."
"You're not. You're just a preoccupied friend, right?" She gave a little quizzical shrug, "No big deal."
"I kind of – haven't even told her that Nick and I were unhappy. Okay, but let me explain." She cried when Beca's eyebrows rose, "She loves Nick and she thinks we're like the best couple ever and she just wouldn't have gotten it."
"So uh, now you have to tell her-"
"Everything."
"Which means you have to admit that you haven't told her some stuff before."
"Right."
"And it's Aubrey."
"Well…"
"Okay." Beca huffed, "The thing is, that's not that big of a deal." She was lying. "Plus, you'll be glad when you've told her and she wants to know, totally. She loves you."
Chloe gave a less certain nod.
Beca wanted to lean in and kiss her but she could hear Aubrey's feet on the stairs so instead she backed away.
"What are you two talking about?"
"What? Nothing! We weren't - nothing." Beca cried and excused herself out to the back where she sat at the far end of the pool and lit a cigarette.
Aubrey.
That was just freaking great.
A nice topping on her shit sandwich.
She didn't get it. Clearly, Aubrey knew that Chloe and Beca had...made up? Chloe was staying with her. So why was she still looking at her like that? Like she was going to eat her alive. She had 'trust issues' when it came to her? She was right that Chloe was always doing things for her, it was something that Beca didn't fully like or understand herself but that wasn't how things were right now and she tried to find things that she could do for her too. Why did Aubrey just assume?
The more she thought about it, the angrier she got.
She and Aubrey had a lot of history together, yeah, but come on, they had already worked through it all. They were friends.
This was pissing her off just a little bit.
And it hurt.
She remembered the night during that surprise trip that Chloe had plans with Nick so she and Aubrey had decided to hang out. They matched drink for drink and ended up together on the living room couch having a drunken confessional – which led to singing – which led to secret confessions - which led to passing out together. It had been awesome, one of her favorite nights ever.
The blonde and the redhead were in the kitchen when she entered, Chloe chopping fruit and vegetables into large chunks for the juicer. Chloe's color had normalized and she was smiling, though it was a bit tight around the edges.
Beca's stomach turned. She wasn't sure she could handle whatever strange mix Chloe was about to make. Actually, it was better if she didn't watch. She went to the fridge and pulled out the eggs, "Hungry?"
Chloe shook her head.
"Aubs?"
"I'll pass, I had something this morning in Henderson."
Beca shrugged and went to work, preparing a breakfast she wasn't sure her stomach could hold and trying hard not to think.
It was difficult however; Aubrey, loud mouth, bossy, rudely opinionated Aubrey was simply sitting at the counter watching them both. She seemed to have very little to say suddenly and the constant attention was making the hair on the back of Beca's neck stand up.
Chloe finished the juices as Beca finished the eggs.
"Okaaaay." Aubrey finally said as they sat on either side of her. "Is no one going to volunteer any information?"
Beca choked on her juice and Chloe started to wheeze.
"Where's your bag?" Beca was half off her stool but Chloe shook her head, giving Beca a side glance that made her sit her butt back down.
"I'm good. I don't need it."
They fell into silence again.
"Well?"
"I don't know, Brey, I guess there's been a lot of negative recently but there's also been a lot of positive. I'm here. I'm looking into transferring my teaching credential, which seems like it will be really easy. That way I can teach choir at any school I would like, or English. Beca has a meeting today that's going to be great. I'm just trying to focus on the positive. We'rejust trying to focus on the positive." She gave her a large over the shoulder grin and finished the juice in one giant gulp and nearly choked.
"Are you kidding me? Somehow that seems like an inadequate response after you yelling at me about Nick! Chloe…you – you have a hickey…"
Beca inhaled her coffee and began to sputter.
Aubrey absently patted her on the back. "You have more than one hickey! I thought – you said - I don't understand-"
Bleary eyed and still slightly choking Beca stood, doing her absolute best not to look at Chloe. If she did she would start laughing and it would be kind of terrible. She didn't envy Chloe. At least she got to leave, even if it was for the meeting that she was terrified of. Fuck, she was kind of glad to leave now. "I uh, I better get dressed."
Once she was upstairs, she spent a second taking a few deep breaths and then dived face first on her bed, letting out a long yell. 'Chloe, you have a hickey'. Oh my god! She flopped over and stared up at the ceiling. She knew that she shouldn't be quite this amused or proud but the thing was – well – she had given Chloe Beale a few hickeys.
She was gonna – yeah, she was gonna have to watch that – maybe. She thought of Chloe's long swan neck, of the muscles tight while Beca's mouth bruised the skin…she had to get up. Yup, she had to get up and move. She had a meeting. And to not think about that just then.
Fuck.
Why couldn't Aubrey have shown up this afternoon instead of right now? That would have been great.
If she wasn't careful, she was going to start to believe this Karma crap that Chloe was always spouting. People just kept showing up and throwing a wrench into her life.
She went to her closet and froze.
She wasn't really an oh-god-what-do-I-wear kind of girl but right now...oh god, what did she wear? Should she dress up? Would that come off as professional or as kind of lame? Did she want to be trendy and cool?
Okay but if she underdressed then that was just as bad too, right?
She grabbed her favorite dress shirt and pulled it on.
No.
She pulled on a tee and glared at herself in the mirror.
No.
She pulled out a skirt and threw it on.
Maybe?
She didn't really own a lot of dresses - but maybe today was a good day to borrow one from Chloe.
Then again, she couldn't exactly see herself rolling into this meeting in blue plaid or warm pink.
So….
Did she have something in between?
She went through four outfits before she finally pulled on a fitted black tank top, her favorite black pants, and a blazer, hearing Chloe's voice in her head as it reminded her that Kendra was coming for her.
Right. Be yourself - or something - whatever - I'll ask Chloe to repeat it - maybe I can get her to write it on the back of my hand for me.
Still she spent another fifteen minutes fiddling with her body jewelry, not taking them out but instead changing them for the politest studs that she could. She did her makeup and finally stepped back to look at the finished product.
Well. It wasn't great or anything but she almost looked like a music producer…whatever that meant.
Oh god, the only thing left to do was go.
Oh shit.
Oh crap.
"Is it time? Already?" Chloe's doe eyes were wide when Beca appeared.
Beca could feel herself itching ever so slightly, actively working to put the night before from her mind.
She needed a cigarette.
She needed -
"Uh, yeah, if I take much more time then she might get there before me."
They both shot a simultaneous glance at their friend and then away. Suddenly Beca wasn't so glad that Aubrey was here. She didn't like feeling vulnerable - fucking ever - but after last night, after having Chloe's embraces and kisses to lean on for the last few days - she wanted them. But she couldn't have them, could she? No, not in front of Aubrey. That seemed like a little too much all at once. Surprise, Aubs, you hate me and I'm fucking your best friend, yaaaaaaay! Don't hit me, 'kay?
"Okay." Chloe's jaw set. "You're going to be great." She grabbed Beca's shoulders, squeezing hard, "Just try to have fun. She already recorded one of your tracks, so you don't need to worry. You're going to be amazing."
Beca felt herself looking up at her, unsure exactly how to play this. She wished Aubrey would stop watching them so closely. She opened her mouth but she couldn't say anything she wanted to.
It was alright, Chloe understood anyway.
"It's going to be great. Okay?"
Beca gave her a nod.
Chloe's cheeks flushed ever so slightly and for a second she looked hopefully nervous, reminding Beca powerfully of the first time they met. "Can I take you out to dinner tonight?" She asked in a whisper, "To celebrate."
Stunned Beca felt her mouth fall open. Was this another date request? She had bumbled the last one. Or was this a simple request to go out? She couldn't imagine that Chloe meant it as a date with Aubrey there. She watched those baby blues flick to her lips and back and realized with a crash that Chloe wanted to kiss her - as badly as Beca wanted her to. Holy shit, she had to take a moment. Fuck. If she achieved nothing else in her life, it was okay because she, Beca Mitchell, had successfully made Chloe freaking Beale want to kiss her - actively - want to kiss her.
She was a wizard and lesbians everywhere should call her their god. Fucking Ironman.
Oh shit. She had been quiet for a little too long.
"Uh yeah, totally we should do dinner," she tried to read Chloe's face, "I mean, we all should do dinner?" Was this what she should be saying? "That's a great idea I'll call Emily and we should totally go out because that's a great idea, sure."
Shut up, Beca.
Ugh.
She cleared her throat, irritated by the beatific smile on Chloe's face. "I uh-"
"I'm so proud of you, Beca, no matter what happens today."
Oh gooooooooood, how had kissing her become so addictive so quickly? She wanted it.
Instead she blushed all the harder and since she couldn't do anything else or say anything else, she turned and started for the door.
She had this.
She could do this.
Kendra had already recorded something from her.
Cakewalk.
She paused outside to take a smoke break and breathe, she just needed to breathe.
She fucking had this.
She was Beca Mitchell...and she had this.
The confidence slipped from her though as she stepped into the studio. She had waved hello to P.J., dropping off the second coffee she had grabbed on the way in as she often did for him. She sat and listened to his brief appreciation that Beca had left as instructed the night before, which reminded her she needed to call Emily. "Right. Yeah. Do you have any word on Hunny?"
"My business ended the moment you and Emily left last night, Bexy."
Beca scowled.
Hunny couldn't still be unresponsive, right? And if she was then that was probably a bad sign…right? She would call David when she was done. There had to be some type of update by now. She was about to ask if that was getting too near the situation for P.J. when she realized she didn't want to know. Instead she gave him a stiff smile and headed to the back of the lot, trying not to feel like his giant presence was smothering the life from her. Though…was it just her or had he seemed kind of…detached?
She loved her studio, god, she had always loved it. The day P.J. had given her the keys had been one of the best of her life. She and Hunny had spent a few hours cleaning it up and then Beca had hung her picture; that picture that had made it hers.
Now she found herself wishing that she could air the place out. It smelled of cigarette smoke and very vaguely of weed and dust. The carpet was threadbare and slightly discolored. It looked, in short, like the second rate studio on the lot. She wondered if P.J. could be talked into at least updating the carpets.
She sat in her rotating chair and stared around. She loved this place, she did, but she was ready for better. She wanted better.
Yeah, she would see if she could modernize. If she got this job with Kendra then he would have to let her, right?
There was also the sister studio...the small voice in the back of her head reminded her. Was that still off the table? She had never seen it, hell it might be just as run down, but it could be hers.
Okay, wow, not the fucking time to think about that.
Instead she looked up to the photo on the wall and felt a swell of sadness. She missed her Bellas today. She missed her Bellas most days.
She crossed her arms, debating a cigarette outside as yet again Jeremy's slack face popped into her head.
"Damn it."
"I saw some of your performances on YouTube, you know."
"What?" Beca jumped.
How had it never occurred to her that she and the Bellas would be on YouTube? Why was that weird?
"Well, my producer was pitching me this song written by a twenty-something-year-old and a teenager, so I had to look into you, girl. You guys were pretty dope."
"Thanks."
"Even made me kind of realize that the whole a capella thing was kinda cool."
"Oh my god, trust me, it took me a while to get there too. I'm pretty sure I spent the first six months I was in the group in a power dive of self-loathing because I was in a fucking collegiate a capella group. Like – what the actual fuck?" Beca turned to give Kendra a grin and stumbled. Oh god, Kendra was here, this was happening it was time. She felt her eyes go wide and the blood drain from her face.
No, she could not throw up on Kendra, she couldn't, just fucking couldn't.
"Whoa there, you okay?"
Jeremy's face popped into her mind, pale and ashen, Hunny stumbling over nothing as she tried to lift her - and her heart rate began to climb - Chloe sitting atop her as she ran her hands up and down Chloe's soft belly.
She had been so confident once, in her singing, in her dancing, in her running of the Bellas. She remembered how it felt to walk out onto a stage and know that she had created something worth seeing, that she and the Bellas deserved to be there because they were the best, plain and simple. She remembered that confidence and she felt some of the weight leave her chest. She was still that person. She was still Beca Effin' Mitchell.
She took a shaky deep breath, "Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Let's do this."
'****'
Chloe couldn't seem to sit still. She was touched, honestly touched, that Aubrey thought she was in distress so she got on a plane. She loved her for it, but - she couldn't seem to force herself into a seat. It was obvious that the whole 'let's just focus on the positive thing' was not sufficient for Aubrey, not that she blamed her. She would have smacked Aubrey if she had said something like that to her when Chloe knew she had something going on. But if she sat down with her then she would have to tell her all of it and she couldn't do that! She just couldn't! There was so much. She couldn't force herself into a seat because if she did then she would have to start all the way back at the beginning and that was one of the main things that she couldn't tell her!
No, no.
The beginning started with her and their mutual friend on a couch, having a transcendently lesbian experience. She couldn't tell her about that night! She couldn't tell her that Missy had cheated on her husband - with her - in whatever way - they had both cheated. She couldn't tell her what it had felt like, what it had been like. But most of all she couldn't tell her because if she did then it would lead into telling her that she was gay - which she just couldn't do.
It wasn't because she knew that Aubrey would take it badly, she thought that perhaps Aubrey wouldn't even be surprised. She remembered making out with her - that one time - and while they had both been surprisingly into it, Chloe's general excitement for the act had far surpassed Aubrey's…and while Chloe had always thought that her best friend had a little untouched gay side herself…but…
It was more that...well...she had never told anyone outside of the people directly involved. It was a big step and the idea was frightening.
And if she told her that she was gay then she would have to tell her about her marriage struggles over the last few years, which she had always been somewhat vague about. Aubrey had always seemed to take hope from her marriage, seeing it as proof that one day she would find someone and marry too...honestly, she had always thought that Aubrey had a little thing for Nick; she had always called him the perfect man. So she couldn't tell her that they were probably divorcing.
And if she didn't tell her that they were probably divorcing then there was no way to tell Aubrey about Jenny or the fact that Jenny was carrying Nick's baby. Nor could she tell her about her own possible pregnancy.
And above all, she couldn't explain why she had run from Henderson straight into Beca's open arms. How could she tell her about her hidden feelings, about the moment everything became clear to her? She couldn't tell her about holding the back of Beca's neck and suddenly seeing in her face everything she had ever wanted from their friendship. She couldn't tell her about how it had felt to all at once understand that warm, sliding feeling in her belly when Beca got too close to her. She couldn't tell her about the powerful, all-consuming feeling that happened in her when she could feel Beca's lips on her body – how it was like they had found the thing that had been absent from their friendship – the missing puzzle piece. She couldn't tell her any of that when she knew that Aubrey wouldn't understand. Aubrey loved Beca, she knew this for a fact, but she also knew that since Beca had disappeared Aubrey thought of Beca as a child, an unreliable, unsteady child.
She never really had known Beca the way that Chloe had known her.
So she fluttered around the kitchen, keeping their conversation small; L.A., the changing weather, where they could go to dinner that night, and Aubrey let her, watching her flutter and clean.
"What is this big thing that Beca is doing this morning?" Aubrey asked as Chloe struggled to put the juicer back together.
"Oh!" Chloe grinned, "She has a big meeting with the woman who bought 'Flashlight'. It sounds like she wants Beca to work on her next album solo. I think it's kinda her big break." She said with a click of her tongue, that familiar just-for-Beca pride filling her again.
"Woooow." Aubrey drew out the word glancing around, "Seems like our little Beca is doing well for herself. Is this something she can handle?"
"I'm not worried. She's going to be amazing today. I can't wait to hear what their album will sound like."
"So she's doing better than she was when I saw her last then?"
Chloe wasn't fooled, she knew this was a transition into everything but she couldn't help herself, "Loads. I think she just got stuck."
"Oh and you popped the cork for her, huh?"
She didn't know why but she blushed.
"Chloe-"
"So I was thinking," Chloe cut her off, "that I need to take a quick shower but after that we should do something! How long are you here? Is there anything you want to do?"
Aubrey's face went blank and Chloe could almost hear the 'are you aca-serious'?
Answers, what she wanted were answers from her best friend. "Okay! I'll be right back. Make yourself at home, okay?"
Suddenly she understood why Beca ran from things. That had just been so much easier. Sure, she had her own defense mechanism but avoiding was so not the same as running - and she had just flat out run.
She rubbed her stomach again, that juice was not sitting well at all. It was just the stress. Ugh, but it didn't feel good. She didn't like this feeling she kept getting in her stomach over the last twenty-four hours, this thick noxious flash.
Maybe it was just acting as her own personal reminder that she couldn't really run here. Yes, she was upstairs alone but no matter how long she was up there, Aubrey was down there. Waiting for her.
Oh god, what was she going to say? Brey deserved to know the truth. She was her best friend and she was keeping things from her, she had to tell her.
She just...wasn't looking forward to it.
All of those things...all of those reasons...they weren't real. She knew that.
Chloe took longer than she should have to shower, taking her time with her hair and her makeup. She wasn't stalling but - okay she was stalling a little.
She just wanted to know what she was going to say before she said it because knowing her, she would get down there and she would just spill all of it in one big jumble pile, announcing it in brass bold letters like: 'I have nodes!' And she really couldn't do that this time.
Her stomach gave a rumble followed by a small wave of nausea.
She just needed to do it, just go down there and tell her everything. Then she could sit back and enjoy her friend which was something she wanted to do very much.
Finally she was as primped and polished as she could be so she sighed and headed down the stairs.
"Emily!" She hadn't even heard the door.
"Hey." It was easy to see the droop to her shoulders. "Nothing?"
"No, no word yet." Oh! Here was some information she could give Aubrey without consequence. "Do you remember Hunny?"
"Yes." Aubrey's eyelashes fluttered and Chloe knew she was remembering the special attention she had gotten from her the night they met.
"She overdosed last night."
"What?"
"Yeah, I just couldn't sit at home by myself anymore." Emily scowled at nothing.
Chloe nodded, reaching out and squeezing her hand.
"What did she overdose on?"
"Heroin."
"They're on heroin?" Aubrey's hair bounced as she looked back and forth between Emily and Chloe, the Bellas captain coming out in spades.
"What?" It took Chloe a minute to understand, "Why would you assume Beca is on drugs too?"
"Well, Hunny's her girlfriend, isn't she?"
Silence filled the room.
This was the perfect moment.
Say it, Chloe, just sayit.
No, Beca isn't with Hunny. She and I are sleeping together.
Just say it.
It's really not thatbig of a deal. I mean really.
"Um, well, maybe not so much anymore." Emily finally said, slowly, her eyes sliding to Chloe and quickly away.
She felt her stomach leap; they had never said anything to Emily but Emily clearly knew. Was it that obvious?
"I love Hunny, but I think Beca uh, moved on to better things."
Awwwwwe, Emily! Would it be obvious if she hugged her right now?
"So any word on Bex?"
"Not yet." Chloe had to swallow hard to bite back her grin.
"Do you think she'll be gone for a long time? I mean, she's kinda between projects right now, right?"
"I think so. I forgot to ask her when she thought she would be back but I know we're going to dinner tonight." When she had asked – she had meant – but that was okay- "You should come, sweetie."
"Okay, yeah. Yeah, totally. Where are we going? I'll tell Benji. Oh my god, Teppanyaki! Pulleeeeease!"
Chloe laughed, "Um, I'm not sure what Beca wants to do but I'm fine with that. Aubrey, what are you in the mood for? Em, is there somewhere cool we can take her?"
The three settled onto the couch, discussing meal possibilities and Chloe was pleased when that broke off into a conversation between Emily and Aubrey. The oldest Bella and the youngest never really got all that much time to get to know one another but Chloe had always thought that Emily's general attitude would be good for Aubrey.
However, despite the easy conversation she could still see the quick glances that Aubrey was constantly throwing at her, some baffled, some peevish. It was a mounting pressure in her gut, every flick of Aubrey's eyes back to her made her stomach boil a little more.
Lunch time came and went without regard and Chloe only felt worse. She heard all of Aubrey's subtle hints, each one hitting her like a crack in the face. She could feel the tension growing; even Emily was starting to squirm.
Emily and Aubrey were getting along well and very little was needed from Chloe to keep the conversation going. She was glad. She knew that her quiet only highlighted the strangeness of the current situation but she - she just wasn't feeling very good. The more the awkward pressure grew, the more her stomach rumbled, the more she could feel it all building.
Oh god, her cheeks felt like they were on fire.
Even she knew this reaction that she was having was a little strong. She didn't understand it, but her stomach boiled, her skin burned. She took the deep, long breaths that she had learned to keep her panic at bay - but then Aubrey threw her a particularly baffled and mildly hurt glance and Chloe's stomach turned.
Pressure.
So much pressure.
Just say it.
Emily will know everything soon enough anyway.
Just say it.
She clicked on her huge smile at Aubrey's next glance, wondering if she was as flushed as she felt. Her face felt splotchy, all at once hot and cold. It was very unpleasant.
"Well, I'm glad that you and Benji are working out, Emily." Aubrey said with a grin that made Chloe's stomach turn all the more. She felt like a bottle of pop shaken and waiting for the cap to be released. "But I have to admit, the relationship I'm curious about-"
"Okay! Nick and I are divorcing!" Her hand clamped over her mouth. Emily jumped at Chloe's sudden outburst, nearly spilling her cup of coffee. "Oh shit."
"What?" Aubrey gasped as Emily chewed her cheek, looking up at the ceiling awkwardly.
"I uh," Her head snapped up when she heard the door handle rattle. "Beca's home!"
"Oh no, keep talking!" Aubrey started but both of the other women were on their feet, completely ignoring her. "Chloe!"
"Early! It's really early! Not even five yet!" Emily cried, bouncing back and forth as though one or both of her feet were numb.
"I know, do you think that's a good thing or bad?" Chloe's stomach churned all the harder, completely distracted from her best friend who looked like someone had nuked her.
"Um."
It must have been a slightly overwhelming sight to open the door and see them both standing there, waiting with baited breath.
"Jesus, guys!" Beca jumped, dropping her keys.
"Oh! Sorry!" Chloe gave her the best smile she could, waiting. "We were -"
"Excited." Emily finished, nodding robotically.
"Yeah, excited."
Beca looked between them and Chloe thought she was going to explode all over again.
"Well?" Beca needed this win, oh god, Beca needed it.
"Well. EZ walked."
Chloe felt like a balloon that had been pricked, "What? No!"
"Damn it!" Emily cried over her. "Gosh freaking darn it!"
"He walked? Oh, Bec, I'm-"
"Yaaaaa, don't be sorry."
Chloe and Emily frowned, exchanging a look.
"I guess P.J. got him out of some trouble last night and he feels like he owes him. I kind of think that's just an excuse but, I don't know, whatever."
"Bec? Um-"
Beca shrugged, pulling off her blazer and boots.
"And Kendra?"
Chloe's heart clenched as Beca's eyes turned to her, only for her, "Oh you mean the chic whose album I'm producing?"
"What?" Chloe hadn't even realized she was moving, not until her arms were around Beca's neck, her legs around her waist and they were screaming, rattling one another's eardrums as Beca spun them. Chloe screamed until she ran out of breath and then happily took a huge gulp of air. The floral smell of lavender hit her like a ton of bricks and - suddenly Chloe was running the opposite direction.
'****'
Beca frowned as Chloe ripped out of her arms, nearly taking Beca down as she sprinted, her hand firmly over her mouth, full tilt toward the downstairs bath.
"Chlo?" She and Emily exchanged a worried glance. "Chloe?"
And though they heard the bathroom door being kicked closed the sound that came afterward made them all cringe.
"Um…" Beca frowned. The hell had just happened?
"Is she throwing up?" Aubrey asked, eyes wide, "Is she sick? She hasn't eaten anything all day. I'm so freaking confused. Did you know that she and Nick are divorcing?"
"Well, yeah." Beca scoffed, "It would be kind of hard for him to be with Jenny otherwise. I mean I guess they could 'Big Love' it and all share a house with the wives and the babies."
"Jenny? Who the hell is Jenny? What babies?"
Beca felt her own stomach drop out as she looked up into Aubrey's confused face, "Ooooh. She didn't tell you about that? So...um, what did she tell you - then?"
They all cringed again.
Ew.
On second thought, "I should uh," she pointed awkwardly toward the bathroom.
"What's wrong with her? Is she sick?"
Is she sick?
And then it hit her. Suddenly she grabbed Aubrey's arm, needing to hold on to something, "She's throwing up...holy shit, she's throwing up! Oh my god!" Beca yelled, grabbing Aubrey's arms and jumping up and down like the floor below her was suddenly made of springy trampoline. "She's throwing up, she's fucking throwing up! HOLY SHIT! YES!" This was fucking amazing. Yes! "Oh!" Right, the sound of Chloe being sick yet again made her stop; she should probably help her.
So what if she took the living room at a jog and threw open the bathroom door perhaps a little more enthusiastically than vomiting should usually require.
"Noooo, Beca, go away!" Chloe cried the moment she crashed into the room, still bouncing. "I don't want you to see me like this!"
"Shut up."
"Beca, seriously!"
But Beca was leaning down beside her, literally pulling her hair back, spidering her fingers through her temples so she had to look at her, "Chlo."
"Ohgod!" Chloe groaned, trying to hide her face.
"Baby?"
"Whaaat?"
"You're throwing up."
She could barely sit still, how was Chloe not getting it?
"I know, I'm stressed.It's stupid. I- "
"Chloe. You're - throwing - up." She said it slowly, letting each word sink in.
"Wha-" She watched realization dawn across her face and together they both screamed again, Chloe launching herself at Beca, knocking her over so they fell back onto the floor, hugging tightly.
Beca caught her as best she could.
This was a great freaking day.
"See!" Beca cried as she stood, almost lifting her off the ground again in her excitement, "This is a good thing!"
"I can't beli-oh god, Bec you smell!" then Chloe was back at the toilet.
"Wait, is it me?" Beca sniffed herself, she could smell some of Kendra's perfume but nothing gross.
"Lavender." Chloe finally got out, making Beca yelp and jump away.
"Shit, fuck!" She backed away quickly and straight into - Aubrey and Emily who had been watching the entire scene from the doorway. She had forgotten about Aubrey. "Um. Hi." She looked up and gave her the best smile she could muster.
Aubrey's face was fire, "What in the ham freaking jones is going on?"
"Uuuuummmmm…" Beca frowned, not exactly intimidated by Aubrey's death glare but the grip on her arm was starting to hurt. "Heh-" she let out an awkward laugh, "Ow. Aubrey, ow! Let go. Ow!"
The bathroom door swung back open and Chloe came out, slightly shiny and despite the pain in her arm, Beca found she had eyes for nothing else. "So?"
She watched a smile spread across Chloe's face, "I've never been so happy to be sick before."
Beca smirked, "So maybe?"
"Yeah, maybe."
"Maybe what?"
Beca yelped, going down on one knee, "Ow,ow,ow,ow!"
"Oh! Brey! You're hurting her!"
To their left, Emily's phone began to ring, "O.M.G., this is Marion's number, right? Bex, this is Marion?"
Beca glanced, nodding and whining, "Arm. Christ, arm, Shrek, arm!"
Emily skipped from the room.
"Since when do you not tell me things, Chloe?"
"Aubrey! Ow!"
"Oh." Aubrey's hand released but her lips turned into paper thin lines.
"I'm sorry, Brey! I'm so sorry!" Chloe crooned, coming close to her friend and then recoiling, her hand going to her mouth.
"Damn! Is it me again?" Great - she made her um - date….friend...fuck buddy...love of her life…best friend…thing...Chloe...the smell of her was making Chloe - throw up. Awesome. She got all the sexy points in the world for that.
"I'm sorry!" Chloe looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Brey, there's just so much. There's so much to say!" She huffed in a deep breath, "Okay, I'm just going to stay it all, I'm just going to rip the Band-Aid off, I'm just going to-"
"Chlo!"
"Nick and I are getting divorced. No, no, it's okay, it's good. He's in love. He and his office girl are in love and they're having a baby. He told me right after Beca's accident and so I just kind of stayed here. I haven't told my parents and I don't think Nick has told his but he seems happy now which is good because we've been miserable since about six months after our wedding. I mean, really miserable. Um, and I'm probably staying - here - in L.A. - and I'm going to teach and life is going to be wonderful and- and - and -" Beca frowned, watching her face turn green again, "do you remember Missy Abbott?"
"IT WAS MISSY ABBOTT?" Beca hadn't meant to yell.
Chloe just gave her an unsteady smile, looking slightly wobbly.
"What about Missy?" Aubrey frowned.
"Well." Her voice wobbled.
"Chlo, are you okay?" Without thinking about it Beca took a step forward, reaching to steady her.
"Oh god, Bec, nooo-" Chloe's face churned and she was gone again.
"Fuck! I'm fucking going to get into the fucking shower."
"Chloe!" Aubrey cried, panic on her face as she grabbed Beca's arm again, this time with concern.
Oh god, she was going to have to invest in some Pepto for her own stomach over the next little bit, wasn't she?
"Beca-"
There was a sickening heave from the bathroom that made both Beca and Aubrey wince and swallow hard and then from the bathroom Chloe's weak voice moaned, "And I'm pregnant."
Aubrey's eyes flew wide, turning on Beca.
"Heh-heh, so uh, dinner plans? Anyone made them yet?"
Also: Regarding the whole 'scrappy' thing. The funny part is that I didn't know about the name of AK's book until long after I wrote this! Then I figured oh well. So forgive the pun!
