"Hunny's alive! She's good! No brain damage, nothing!" Emily shouted, storming back into the room and freezing upon reentry, "What happened?"
"Errr…" Beca looked around, searching for something to say.
"Beca," Chloe's shaky voice came from the bathroom. "I'm sorry but will you do me a favor please and get in that shower?"
"On it." She cried, leaving a blank-faced Aubrey standing in the middle of the room.
Okay, so maybe she had just run a little bit but what else was she supposed to do? Chloe literally threw up every time she got near her...which, you know, made her feel super awesome and sexy, like come here baby - BLEEEEGH - yeah! She loved that. It would be so like her to get a sex life with Chloe - only to lose it because she literally made her vomit.
And if her shower got her away from Aubrey's stunned face then all the better.
She showered thoroughly, scrubbing her body until it was sore and washing her hair twice, worrying about each new scent she used. She needed to run to some fancy boutique and get some crunchy scent free, fragrance free crap if this was going to keep up!
She left her clothes in a pile in the corner of the bathroom, just so she wouldn't get the smell on her from bringing them down to the washing machine.
Once she was dressed she started toward the stairs again, having absolutely no idea what she was going to find when she got there. It could be anything from a heart to heart in progress to a few dead bodies on her living room floor. Toss up, really.
She stopped just outside her own door though, hearing someone moving across the hall in Chloe's room.
Fully aware that it could be Aubrey she knocked, "Chlo?" She peeked around the door, "Can I come in?"
"Of course." Chloe gave her a hesitant smile.
Glowing. They always say that pregnant women glow.
Then again, Chloe was always the woman who glowed, wasn't she?
"I showered. You wanna smell me?" She would have laughed at any other moment, she wanted to laugh now, still giddy about the fact that Chloe was sick at all; only she thought that if Chloe smelled her and got sick again she might die.
Chloe tentatively stepped to her and rubbed her nose across Beca's cheek, "Oh thank goodness," she sighed, obviously relieved. "Mmmm, Bare Minerals. It still kind of trips me out that something like makeup can smell so-" she took a deep breath, "sexy."
Beca let out an unsteady titter, wondering if her legs were going to keep her upright. "So no nausea?"
"Nope."
"Great! Awesome! No more hugging Kendra."
Chloe laughed, returning to the dresser to finish changing.
"So, downstairs, that went -"
"Not exactly like I had been hoping." Chloe bit her lip.
"Yeah…"
"Aubrey's downstairs with Emily. I told her that we would talk a bit later."
Beca nodded, sitting on the bed, "So um, I just happened to notice that there was uh, one, well I guess two kind of crucial pieces of information that you didn't really, that I didn't really,"
Chloe chewed her lip, "I know Bec, I just don't know how to give her more."
Soooooo...yeah, she could work with that.
Totally.
Back in the closet?
She could do that.
How long was Aubrey staying again?
"Okay, yeah."
"Are you sure?"
Beca couldn't help but to smile at her, "So what is happening for dinner?"
She had a lot of awkward nights, of course she had, everyone had.
There was the night she had thrown up on the couch at her first sleepover and then had to stay until morning, parents glaring at her and all of the other girls avoiding her. She could remember nights of getting caught in the throes by the parents of high school boyfriends – and once the parents of the girl who had been 'teaching her how to kiss'. She could remember nights of exceedingly bad Bella concerts; she could remember the countless number of times she had simply opened her mouth and made a bad time for everyone with her awkwardness.
She had a lot of humiliation in her past.
She had a lot of uncomfortable she tried to never remember.
But none of them were as strained or forced as this one.
None of them.
They had all willingly agreed that an early dinner was a great idea, mostly - Beca thought - to have something to do. So they had headed out as soon as everyone changed - which meant they were out so early that they beat the L.A. young adult dinner rush and instead had stumbled into the L.A. early bird rush; all of the tourists and theatregoers packing the restaurant to the brim.
Beca had expected Aubrey's domineering side to come out once they had all settled to wait for their table, insisting on clarification, insisting that she needed to know all the details now but if she had planned to turn on them, then she had been derailed by the shining arrival of Benji...and Jesse.
"Holy shit!" Beca cried as the men pushed through the front doors, giggling together like schoolboys. She knew that Jesse was living in town; as a matter of fact every now and then they even attended the same events since their fields were almost related.
They had always given one another a friendly hello, shared a drink and then went their separate ways, usually thoroughly distracted with work or by colleagues, even sometimes by dates. It was always a little strange for Beca, standing there with the last ghost of her heterosexuality but Jesse had always been good in uncomfortable situations.
"I ran into this guy today and since we're having a little Barden reunion I thought I would invite him along."
"Oooh!" Chloe's eyelashes fluttered uncomfortably, "Where did you run into one another? This is so great!" Beca glanced at Chloe across the group, unable to decide if she was being genuine or not.
"Uh...my phone." Benji gave her an awkward smile.
"He called me." Jesse clarified with a chuckle, "He thought I might want to join and since I'm here let's all just go with it. It'll be fun!"
"Awesome. Cool, good to see you, Jesse!" Jesse and Benji were still actively best friends so it wasn't really that much of a surprise. Honestly, what was a surprise was that they hadn't all done this before. Beca wouldn't have minded so much, Jesse was a cool - if not slightly annoying - guy.
She felt Chloe's eyes shift to her and then to Aubrey before her lips twisted and she fell silent.
Wait. Did she have a problem with this? Like, actually? Why the hell would she have a problem with this? Because he was her ex-boyfriend? She did realize that Beca had broken up with him simply because he was a man, right? Plus, that whole being epically in love with her thing…right? She had seen that look before; she had come to know it well when she and Jesse had been dating. Beca had always thought of it as the 'I'm not spending enough time with Chloe' face but she saw it now for what it was: jealousy. Why the hell was she jealous?
"So guys, it's been a while!" Jesse cheered leaning against the wall beside Beca, "How is everybody? Bec, what's new with you? How's EZTeez? Man, that guy is awesome! I finally got my hands on his last album a week or two ago. The guy knows how to lay down some mad beats. Though, I guess you had something to do with that, huh?"
Okay, so she wasn't upset about EZ exactly...no...she was upset...but she also had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to be better off...as was she. Yeah, Dave and a few others were going to want her to go out with them but none of them had been as demanding as EZ, right? Can't make an omelet without cracking some eggs...or...something. Still, she felt herself scowl.
"No? Okay." Jesse shifted, seeming to realize he had touched a sore spot, "Uuuh, my bad. Chloe, I don't think I've seen you since World's. How have you been? You got married, right? I saw a few of the pictures. The wedding was beautiful. Congratulations!" Beca watched Chloe's eyes go owlish and she looked away and back to the menu posted beside the host station, "Woooow, okay, 0 for 2. Aubrey! You've never really liked me; let's try you, how are you? It's been a very long time! Anything eventful in your life? You still doing that retreat thing back in Georgia? What brought you out to L.A.?" Aubrey shot Chloe a death glare and Jesse just nodded, "Of coooourse! I'm doing so well. I'll just stick with what I know then. Em, I've been meaning to text you. Natalie, my girlfriend for those of you who aren't caught up on the latest Jesse gossip, just found out last week that you know Hunny Brooks. I don't know who the hell that was but she's excited. She was wondering if we all could go for a drink soon."
And the night just continued to get worse from there.
It wasn't Jesse's fault; he was just trying to get a conversation going but it was kind of like watching a batter step up to the plate and instead of hitting the very much needed home run and bringing the team to glory - he was pelted over and over again in the crotch with the ball until he was a blubbering mess on the floor.
It took them an hour - a goddamn hour - to even get a table. Despite her frequent breaks from the awkward when she went out for a cigarette, she had been a breath away from calling the whole evening off when they were finally seated.
After that Beca tried, she really did, to keep the conversation floating as they all put in their drink orders but it was beginning to feel like trying to drag a feather through tar. It was freaking impossible. They all laughed and responded like normal when prompted but as for any type of conversational volley - it just wasn't happening. Beca brought up music, thinking that a few of them would cling on and get the ball rolling but after a few remarks it turned out that Jesse didn't know the same type of artists that she and Emily knew and Aubrey knew none at all. It fell flat. So then they moved on to L.A. itself and that worked for a while until they exhausted places they had all been. Chloe brought up weather and families and then Aubrey brought up careers and whether or not there would be a new 'Emily Elliott' album happening in the near future. This topic almost lasted since Emily - and the fact that she had decided not to record under her legal last name of Junk was kind of a hilarious topic that always inevitably ended with Beca shouting in frustration that 'no one could sell an album with the name Junk or Hardon' but even with that they still found themselves in silence soon after. They freaking ran through topics like water, she and Jesse trying to keep them all afloat like a bad game of water polo. Each time a new topic failed the whole table gave a little laugh and went to work, trying hard to come up with a new one.
Finally, forty-five minutes later after they had placed their dinner orders, they settled on the topic of college and that seemed to help. As a group they went through their favorite routines and performances and when that was through Beca droned on about the other Bellas and what was happening in their lives. Somehow she knew she was talking mostly to Jesse. She had to try hard to ignore the open amusement on Jesse's face; fully aware that while he probably cared about what the other Bellas were up to - he didn't care this much. She just kept talking though because each time she stopped the silence enveloped them again so she brought up another Bella. When she ran out of them Jesse took his turn, biting back a we-can-get-through-this-if-we-work-together boyish smile and listing through the Trebles.
Of course the restaurant was possibly the slowest in all of L.A. too. This would have been bad enough in a regular restaurant where dinner would last an hour or two tops but every single thing they needed seemed to take a good twenty minutes - and they were still waiting for their damned food!
"So Bec," Jesse finally said after another short silence, "Dating anyone interesting right now? I saw your speech online."
"My speech?"
"Yeah, the one that," he gave a large theatric sigh, both hands resting over his heart, "brought hope to the hearts of young gay music producers to-be everywhere." He gave her a teasing grin, "What was that about?" It still took her a second to understand what the hell he was talking about.
"Oh, you mean when I came out?" It had been kind of a spur of the moment decision and it still surprised her how often it came up.
"Yeah!" He chuckled, "It only took a few years but at least now I know why you broke up with me!"
She let out an amused snort, "Okay asshole, I don't even-"
"It was funny actually. I saw that video like as soon as it happened. Pretty much all the Trebles tweeted it to me. My app just absolutely exploded!"
"Uhhh -okay - um, no, this isn't weird at all. Um, no, I'm not seeing anyone."
Don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe.
"Really? Because I know this lady at work who has a huge thing for you, I mean, it could sink the Titanic."
"Are you trying to set me up right now?" Beca couldn't help but to laugh.
"I mean, what are friends for, right?"
"Uh -" awkward, this was awkward, "sure, yeah, I guess so. She hot?"
Don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe, don't look at Chloe.
But it was Emily's eye she caught and her look of confusion nearly tipped her over into uncomfortable giggles.
"Uh, I guess so. In a kind of gay way, anyway."
"In a gay way? What the hell does that mean?"
"I mean, her hair is really short and she wears a lot of button ups. Honestly, she's handsome, is what she is. I kind of wish I were as hot as she is."
The table all gave a polite titter while Beca threw her head back and laughed.
Honestly Beca would have found the whole situation uncomfortably amusing, like laughing at a funeral, if everyone hadn't seemed like they wanted to gouge their own eyes out.
They had finally gotten Aubrey on a roll, letting her drone on and on about some client at the retreat until their food came and the conversation could comfortably become a little more scattered.
Chloe and Benji fell into a conversation about their food; Jesse and Emily about the movie Jesse was apprenticing on so Beca sighed and focused on eating. She could turn and try to strike up a conversation with Aubrey but she had already done her duty.
It was wordlessly unanimous that they all would skip dessert but once the bill was paid, Beca covering it in a moment of flashy chivalry, Jesse threw a wrench into Beca's plan to run home and into her bed.
"So guys, drinks? Anyone? Oh come on, I haven't seen almost any of you in literally years. We can get past this, let's keep this ball rolling. Emillyyyyy," he grinned, "you never did make me that shot you wanted me to try. Let's have some fun!"
Beca glanced at Emily, seeing her cheeks flushed. It seemed pretty clear that she was playing the whole not drinking anymore thing pretty close to the chest. "Actually, uh," she spoke before she thought, "I'm kind of living dry these days but uh, come back to the condo, I'll make us some...tea or some…I dunno, whatever." The fuck had she just said? She just - she felt bad for the guy!
"Awesome! Yeah! I'll follow you then!"
Eyes wide at her own fucking words, Beca gave him a nod and turned.
"Did you really just ask for this evening to be even longer?" Chloe whispered.
"I don't know, it totally just came out, what's wrong with me?" She whined.
It honestly was better once they all got comfortable at the condo. Jesse's teasing subsided a bit and everyone relaxed.
Still, Beca was exhausted. Talk about a long day and all she really wanted to do was curl up with Chloe and tell her about her meeting with Kendra. She hadn't really been given the chance to talk about it at all and it had gone so well. Kendra seemed like she was going to be totally cool and now Beca had some time to find a new track to offer her which - well, she wasn't thinking about that. She had teamed up with Emily last time but - yeah, not thinking about it right now.
The point was, she was exhausted and just about freaking ready for bed.
They reminisced, teasing and laughing until they noticed that Chloe had dozed off completely on the couch.
Beca could have kissed her she was so happy for the excuse to make it all end. Plus, yeah, Chloe had wrapped herself in a hoodie that she had found in the downstairs closet so she looked fucking adorable.
Benji and Emily took their leave first, Benji insisting that he had to be up early in the morning and then it was down to four.
"I know, you guys probably aren't going to agree with me but I thought this was fun, minus the awkward, unending tension." Jesse smiled at them all, reaching into his pocket to find his keys, "It really was nice seeing all of you."
Beca let out a laugh that she had to stifle, knowing she at least had enjoyed his company - and thank god for it otherwise she would have been alone in this.
"Really? You didn't enjoy yourself at all?" he frowned wounded.
"No, I did! I did, it's just past my bedtime, that's all."
"We did!" Chloe grinned, covering a yawn. "Honestly. It was really nice to see you, Jesse."
"Yeah, you too, Chloe." He gave her a tight one-armed hug, "You too, Aubrey."
Aubrey gave him a plastic smile, "You too, Jesse, I'm very pleased to know you're doing so well."
"Errr, right. Well Bec, you've got my number. Give it a ring sometime."
"Sure. Absolutely. Totally - gonna do that."
She closed the door behind him with a grimace and took a deep breath before she turned to the other two standing with her.
Fuck.
And now back to this.
All day.
They had gotten through the entire day somehow managing to avoid any and all topics of relevance.
They got a gold star in avoiding today.
"So." She took a deep breath.
"Yeah." Chloe gave them both a huge albeit nervous smile, "Long day." The thickest awkward pause of the evening followed then, making Beca wish she could simply crawl out of her own skin for a little while.
"Okay well," she was trying to read Chloe's face to know what she should do. Should they all go back to the living room and talk? Should she give them space? She had no fucking idea, "I guess, I'll give you guys some room…?"
"No." Aubrey tensely began to massage her temples, staring at the floor, "I can't even begin to believe this day." Beca and Chloe winced, "It's late. I'm going to go to bed. I would like to go to bed."
"Brey." Chloe reached for her but Aubrey slapped her hand away, eyes flickering wildly.
"I just - I'll see you in the morning."
They watched Aubrey climb the stairs, tension thick in the back of Beca's throat. God, she was ready for bed.
"Oh my god." Chloe squeaked once Aubrey was gone. "I'm the worst person in the entire world."
"Hey." Beca sighed, pulling her in for a hug. Chloe had been so distant all day which - Beca totally understood and everything but still... "It's just been a weird day. Take her out to breakfast tomorrow, just the two of you, and talk, okay? It's not a big deal, her feelings are hurt but it will get better once you two get some time together."
Chloe nodded, sniffling. "I didn't get to talk to you either. How was the meeting? I want to know what happened. I missed you today."
Beca chuckled, a little bubble of warmth popping in her chest as she watched Chloe yawn again, her arms crossing over her chest. It should be illegal for pretty girls to put the hoods up on hoodies. "We've got time, right?" Beca gave her a shrug, "I think - that it's your bedtime."
Chloe let out a tiny laugh, "Okay. You're right. And I'll take her out tomorrow morning so that we don't have another day, ugh, like this one."
"Good."
"Okay." She gave her a half-lidded smile and turned to start up the stairs.
"Hey." Beca caught her, giving the stairs a glance to make sure Aubrey hadn't reappeared and then planted a long, thorough kiss on her lips.
Chloe let out a satisfied little sigh, "Mmm, thanks."
"Anytime," Beca grinned, loving the wink that Chloe gave her before disappearing.
'****'
My god, she had never been so tired. She hadn't done anything, she hadn't even been able to do her yoga or run that day; she had no excuse for the slow way her body dragged up the stairs.
Ugh, this was exactly why she had to stop doing things like this. She should have just talked to Aubrey that morning. Ooooh, Aubrey. She felt terrible.
She stopped just outside her door, wanting to go in, wanting to apologize, wanting to explain that she hadn't been avoiding her all day because she didn't love her, she was her best friend; she just - she was a chicken.
She closed her hand around the door handle but stopped; no, she would talk to her in the morning after she had some rest and respect Aubrey's request to go to bed.
She got ready for bed on autopilot, brushing her hair and her teeth in a daze. It wasn't until she crawled between the sheets that she realized this was the first time in a few days that she had been in it.
She frowned, she didn't like the sheets as much...it was too big...which was amazing because Chloe had always felt that the bigger a bed the more comfortable it was. She loved being able to sprawl and stretch.
She did that now, just to convince herself, letting her muscles, sore from tension, stretch to the four corners of the bed and sighed.
Her door clicked silently open and she let out a little "oh!" a smile ready on her lips. She loved it, loved, loved, loved that Beca had come sneaking across the hall to her. "Oh!" She said a little louder when her eyes adjusted.
It wasn't Beca - but Aubrey who was crawling across her bed, face serious, eyes zeroed in.
"Brey! What are you- Brey?"
"I'm sorry, Chloe, I am but I can't! I can't just go to bed."
"Oh!" She sat up as Aubrey crossed her legs under her. For just a moment she had thought that Aubrey was about to – but no – that would have been weird. She shook the thought off. "No, Aubrey, it's okay! I'm glad that you're here."
"I just don't understand when it was exactly that I became someone you don't talk to, Chloe. You have always told me everything. What happened?"
"No, Brey, no, that's not it at all. Come here." She reached for her friend, hugging her tightly, "I'm so sorry. I've just been - no, it doesn't matter, I'm so sorry. I love you."
"Then what the holy hell is going on with you, Chloe? You're divorcing Nick? You're moving to L.A.? I feel like I don't even know you right now."
Somehow in the darkness of the room it felt easier to just let go, her chest releasing its rock hard grip, "Oh god, there's just been so much, I think I'm afraid that I'll scare you away."
Aubrey scoffed, scooting in closer so Chloe could rest her head on her shoulder, "Chloe! That is just not acceptable to me."
"I know. You're right." She reached over and took Aubrey's hand. She could have just told her that she wasn't ready to talk, she could have just done that and Aubrey would have listened to her, of course she would have.
"So you're pregnant, huh?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I have an appointment in a few days."
"Does Nick know?"
"Yeah, he does."
"Chloe, then this doesn't add up."
Chloe took a deep breath.
Okay.
"Nick and I were never very happy, Aubrey. We've been miserable for years."
"What? I don't understand. I knew that things were - difficult - and that the miscarriages were hard but -"
"It's more than that. We just were making one another so unhappy, a divorce is necessary. I'm so much happier already. I haven't even found my new life out here yet but I love it. I'm free, Brey, for the first time in years I feel like I'm free. Well, I mean, not totally since there are still - a lot of things - but I'm happier."
"Who the hell is Jenny?"
"His office girl, well, really his secretary. She's very cute, early twenties. They're going to make a beautiful baby."
Aubrey sat up, leveling a gaze at her. "And you're fine with that?"
Chloe bit her lip, there was a missing piece to the puzzle, she knew, but she just - she wasn't ready yet. "Yeah, I think I am. They're in love, Brey."
"Uh-huh and what about you? Does that not matter? Is that why you're camped out in Beca's second bedroom? Because you can't go home? Why didn't you come to me? At least things are steady and reliable in Georgia, no one is ODing or getting into accidents."
Chloe let her head fall back onto the pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling, "Yeah, I have to admit all of that has been hard. I knew that I was signing up for something I wasn't really used to, a whole different lifestyle and that has been hard. I'm so tired because it's been kind of nonstop but I have a feeling," she clicked her tongue, "I have a feeling things are about to even out."
"Why are you here of all places? Did Nick kick you out?"
Chloe frowned, "No, no! I guess Nick and Jenny are part of the reason. Beca needed me and -" she swallowed hard, "I just sort of stayed. It's only been a few weeks. I don't know what's going to happen with this baby but if I can, I think I'm going to stay here. I like L.A."
"And teach."
"Yeah," she gave her a smile through the darkness, "and teach."
"And have a baby."
"Maybe."
"By yourself."
"I guess so."
Aubrey was staring at her again, making Chloe search through her words for whatever the weird thing she had accidentally said was. "I don't freaking understand. What am I missing, Chloe? There's more, I can tell. What's going on? You don't seem to care about any of it, Nick, the baby, walking away from your entire life -"
She picked out the only thing she knew how to answer. "I - I haven't even been to the doctor yet - for this pregnancy."
"You were at the doctor twenty-four hours later last time."
She knew it was an accusation. She blew out a deep breath through her nose, her hands crawling through her hair, "I can't bond with it, Brey. I can't do that again." Aubrey was silent for a long time, so long that Chloe began to squirm, "Today was the first time that I showed a single symptom. You know how it's been every other time, I-"
"You think you're not actually pregnant." Chloe could hear the understanding soothing over Aubrey's voice, "I see. And you think if you are - then you won't keep it. So you're pretending it's not happening."
Aubrey was her best friend for a reason, wasn't she?
"Maybe a little bit."
"Chloe, what about Nick? What if you do have this baby?"
"I don't know."
"And Beca-" Aubrey stopped, lost for words.
"Beca -" Chloe smiled into Aubrey's shoulder, "is wonderful. I wish - for just a second - you could know her how I know her." Wait...maybe not...exactly that way.
"So you guys have made up then, I guess."
"Yes." She let out a small laugh and a yawn, "We made up."
"And she's okay?"
"I - I think so."
"Chloe, she seemed pretty fucked up last time we were here."
"Hey! Can you stop? Beca is great. She's kind and supportive and there for me. You never give her enough credit. She's amazing, how do you still not see that?"
Aubrey shook her head, "Oh, I see that. I do. I just also see that she's run from you so many times, how do you know she's not just going to do it again?"
"Because I do." Because there was no way Beca could walk away from her, not now; she had absolutely no reason to...oh god, except that Chloe was pregnant, homeless, married, unemployed and - oh shit. She covered her face.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just tired."
"Chloe...why did you think I couldn't handle hearing all of that. Why did you just disappear?"
"Okay, to be fair I didn't just disappear. I meant to call you, I did. The last month has just been really crazy for me, okay? I promise. Plus, we did talk, I called you right before I came back to L.A."
Even in the dark Chloe could feel Aubrey's jaw set. "Still my best friend?"
"What? Of course. Always." She cuddled in a little closer.
"Chloe." Aubrey was silent for a minute, "How long have you been here?"
"A couple of weeks."
"Uh huh," Aubrey's jaw flexed, "The hickeys not from Nick then?"
"No."
"Right. Do I-" she huffed, "There is more that you're not telling me."
"There is. But do you think, can we talk about it in the morning?"
Aubrey just let out a thick sigh.
'****'
She wasn't sure what time it was when she woke.
Honestly, she had been so damn distracted before bed that she had forgotten to think about it, which was probably a good thing and everything but now - the sound of Hunny's nonsensical grumbling, the sound of her own palm slapping her cheeks trying to wake her rang through her silent room like thunder.
She groaned, covering her face with her pillow but the sounds continued, sharp in her groggy, half-awake ears. She rolled over in the silent din, frowning.
Everything was fine. Hunny is fine. Jeremy - just don't think about that. Come on, you're the champ of ignoring things that you want to ignore. Everything is good, Bec. Go back to sleep.
But instead she pulled herself up and to her window. She rarely let herself smoke in her bedroom but right now seemed like a good time. She wasn't going to drag her ass all the way downstairs and she needed something centering. She pushed open her window and hissed at the cold air. When had it started to get chilly at night? She hadn't even noticed. She grabbed a sweater and threw it on.
She pulled out a cigarette and took a deep breath of night air, staring out at the L.A. skyline as she lit it.
Hunny was going to be okay.
Seriously.
She was.
And she was okay too.
So why did she feel right now like she was being haunted?
She pitched the cigarette after a few drags and closed the window, shivering as she went to her en suite to brush her teeth again.
Her bed felt so empty.
And she was so cold.
She just – she couldn't get the thoughts to stop.
She ran her palms over her eyes, deliberating. It had been nice over the last bit to have some bed company. Hunny had stayed over often enough, but they were never really - cuddlers. She pretty much would never admit it but she kind of loved to cuddle...with the right people, anyway. Actually, she had only become a cuddler because Chloe had kind of forced it out of her years ago, grabbing her during TV and movies and refusing to let go until Beca could relax. Then eventually she found that on occasion it was she who reached for Chloe, instead of the other way around.
She had introduced her to many sides of herself.
And yeah, they usually woke up across the bed form one another, but still – she liked falling asleep with her – it was kind of like – well – there was no safer place, right?
Would Chloe mind if she went to her? Should she go to her?
She wanted to.
She didn't even need to wake her; she just wanted...she didn't want to get back into her bed alone.
How was it she felt like she hadn't seen her in a year suddenly?
2:49 in the morning - the odds were Aubrey was asleep, had been for a long time now. She wouldn't wake up, she wouldn't hear Beca sneaking into Chloe's room...she could be quiet, that was totally possible. And it wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed before, in college and after. It happened all of the time. Okay so…
Yeah.
She brushed her teeth quickly, trying hard not to roll her eyes at herself when she realized she was excited.
God, she was so lame.
Still, she all but skipped to the door, cracking it quietly and listening to the hallway.
Silence.
Great.
Totally, totally awesome!
She stealthily took the two steps and clicked open Chloe's door, listening again. If she was awake for some reason she didn't want to scare her by sneaking up to her in the middle of the night.
A smile popped to her lips when she heard the - um - not snoring that Chloe definitely did in her sleep.
Mmmm, the thought of Chloe's warm body against hers pushed her inside, clicking the door closed again.
Jesus, she hadn't spent a night in this room before. The skyline was so much darker than in hers.
She tripped a little clumsily over something on the floor, doing a small silent dance to stay upright and pulled back the blanket, sliding in.
She let out a long, satisfied sigh as she cuddled up to her sleeping friend, pressing herself tight to steal her warmth.
Oh my god, she was so warm!
She slipped a hand under the waistband of Chloe's shorts, letting her hand run down her thigh, just so she could have some type of contact with her skin as she fell asleep.
Only…
Her fingers gave a slight squeeze.
One of Beca's favorite things about Chloe was her thighs, strong and perfectly shaped; having them wrapped around her made her feel like she was actively living out every teenage boy's dream. This thigh - she let her hand caress up to the hip – long and slim – soft - but soft in a different way - wait –
"Wha - what the hell?" The sleepy voice came from in front of her.
"Holy FUCK!" Beca shot backward, falling to the floor in a heap; her breath knocking from her and making her gasp. "What the fuck? Aubrey?" She croaked, trying to jump to her feet but the sheets were wrapped around her ankles so she tumbled back to the floor again, spinning and kicking. Goddamn it. She tried again, flailing like a mad woman but the fucking sheets were attacking her and she went down hard yet again. GOD DAMN IT!
"What the fuck are you doing, Beca!" She heard a soft grunt as Aubrey, who had also recoiled the opposite direction over a still snoring Chloe, landed on the floor on the other side of the bed in a fury of flailing arms and legs.
Beca finally shot up, tripping over her own feet this time as she backed away again and crashed painfully into the wall. SHE KNEW HOW TO STAND DAMN IT, SHE WAS CAPABLE OF STANDING THE FUCK UP! "The fuck, what the fucking fuck? Why are you in Chloe's bed?"
….Ooooh, no! No way! Oh noooo, fuck, no way, fuck, nooooo!
She could see Aubrey sitting up, smoky eyes wide and staring at her in shock, "Why are you in Chloe's bed?"
Beca froze, half on the floor, half pulling herself to her feet, her mouth hanging open. Caught….caught, caught, SHE WAS CAUGHT! Aubrey in Chloe's bed, Aubrey was IN Chloe's bed. Hand on her thigh, under her underwear, on her hip, oh god, oh gross…. "Errrmhhff." Was all that Beca got out and then she ran, speeding from the room, her shoulder bashing into the door frame of Chloe's door before she ran full tilt into her own, slamming into it hard and scrambling like a maniac to get it open. It was like a fucking horror movie. Where was the handle? Fuck! She could feel Aubrey fucking coming!
Then she was through, slamming it behind her and jumping hard when a second later the door to the last guest room slammed as well.
Her breath was whistling from her throat as she blinked in the darkness, sprawled across the back of her door.
….. THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED?
In her bed.
Aubrey had been in her bed.
Had they fucked?
Had they kissed?
Were they just having a little best friend cuddle time? Because believe you me Beca remembered those fucking cuddle sessions - they were part of the reason why Beca had recently had her tongue in Chloe's -
WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WAS AUBREY IN CHLOE'S BED?
She hadn't gone back to sleep.
There was no such fucking thing as sleep, not after that.
She knew she didn't want to know, she knew it! She did not fucking want to know but it was like being on YouTube when the video automatically clicked to something new. You saw that it was a pimple popping video - or something like that - you saw it and you knew that if you watched it then you would remember - and hate yourself for watching - forever - and yet - you still stared at the screen until you were gagging and swearing off YouTube for life.
She didn't - want - to fucking - know - why Aubrey had been in Chloe's bed.
The condo had been dead fucking silent all night, not a peep from Chloe or Aubrey….and she had been fucking listening - she had been fucking listening, waiting to hear if Aubrey was going to crawl back to Chloe's room...because that would be telling. That would be like the moment the on-screen pimple popped and your stomach rolled, your very own can-I-keep-my-last-meal-down roulette.
She didn't know what she would have done if she had heard it.
She kept playing Aubrey's face over and over again, that look of guilty shock.
WHAT HAD SHE CAUGHT THEM DOING?
She groaned but did not change the position she had been lying in all night, on her back, staring unblinking up at the ceiling, arms at her side.
Dude.
…..duuuuude….
Oh my fucking god, and she had her hand under Aubrey's panties...it had been totally innocent, absolutely, she had no idea...even if it had been Chloe she wasn't going to do anything, she had just wanted to feel some skin on skin contact and the panties would have gotten in the way - oh my fucking goddamn it.
She groaned into the room again.
That was it.
She didn't want to know.
She had always wondered if something more had happened between Aubrey and Chloe, she had always fucking wondered and now she didn't want to know.
Ew, ew, ew, her whole body jerked as she thought of what could have happened, of Aubrey's tongue slipping into Chloe's' mouth, Aubrey being the one to pull those little sighs and coos from Chloe.
Gah! Nooooooo! She grimaced.
Nope.
She didn't want to know.
Nope.
Oh god, she was going to have to face them.
She was going to have to look both of them in the eye.
….
….
…..
Oh god.
'****'
Chloe felt better now that she and Aubrey had talked a little bit. She had decided before she even got up that she would tell Aubrey the rest of it today. The truth. About herself. About Beca. All of it. She deserved to know and what Chloe seemed to have forgotten until the night before was that she was safe to tell her.
And that, well, that had just been silly of her.
She had worried a bit when she first woke that she would start the morning off feeling sick - well - worried/hoped but she had left a glass of juice beside her bed the night before and had swallowed it down before she got up.
She felt fine.
The sun was shining and though no one was awake yet, she knew it was going to be a good day.
She pulled on her yoga clothes and headed downstairs, mat under her arm.
On occasion Beca liked to leave the back patio doors open all night; what was the harm, they were twenty stories high.
Beca, it seemed, had done that the night before so as she descended the stairs Chloe was met with a burst of fresh, crisp morning air. She sighed, enjoying the pleasant shiver down her spine. The breeze spoke of autumn.
Where was the year going? It was moving so quickly.
She let out a small gasp as she realized - Christmas...New Year...could she have them in L.A.?
She and Nick usually spent one with his family and the other with hers...but Beca...well, she avoided her family for the most part and even if she didn't...she used to love her holidays with Beca! Getting drunk together off of spiked hot chocolate and watching Christmas specials, caroling, shopping for their friends, plotting revenge on long lost relatives...she supposed she couldn't do all of those things this year but...maybe some?
She grinned, her smile stretching to the point of pain and went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for Beca.
Yeah, today was going to be an awesome day.
Somehow her run and then her yoga felt even better than normal that morning, each stretch popping her back and warming her muscles making her groan and moan. Tomorrow morning she would have to get Aubrey out here with her. No, she would get both of them out because that would be so much fun!
Beca was already sitting at the kitchen island, sipping from a cup of coffee and staring when she came in.
"Hey you," Chloe grinned, wiping her sweaty brow.
Beca's gunmetal blue eyes just peeked out over the rim of her cup, following her as she poured herself a glass of water and drank it down.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Oh, you know." Beca's words were muffled as they spilled into her coffee, "Uh, you? How'd you sleep?"
"Like the dead. I was so tired!"
Beca let out a strange snort and coffee splashed everywhere.
"Are you okay?"
"Who me? Uh yeah, totally, I'm good, I just uh, so you slept well then? You were tired? What made you so tired?"
Chloe frowned, "You okay, Bec?"
"Sure, totally, I'm good, I'm fine." She disappeared behind her overly large cup again, making Chloe's head tilt a bit, examining her.
Why was she staring at her like that?
What was she angry about?
Or...maybe that wasn't anger...what?
Beca's eyes shot wide as footsteps on the stairs announced Aubrey's arrival.
"Bec-"
But her words were cut off as Beca tried to jump to her feet and slipped, coffee flying everywhere, covering her from head to toe as she desperately squeaked and yelped, trying to steady herself.
"Whoa!" Chloe cried, reaching out to steady her.
"Good mor-" Aubrey froze just inside the door.
Chloe's frown deepened as she watched her best friends stare wide eyed like rabbits at one another for one beat, two, three; the only sound was coffee dripping from Beca's arms to the floor.
"Oh, I forgot-" Aubrey turned and started up the stairs again as Beca gasped, "Smoking," turned and sprinted out to the patio.
Chloe blinked, "Okay, what just happened?" she cried to the empty kitchen.
She just sat on the kitchen counter waiting, arms crossed and foot bouncing for one of them to slink back in. Something had happened. Clearly, something big.
It took a while but eventually Beca finished her cigarette and quietly, as though she was trying to avoid a landmine came to the back door, trying to hide that she was searching the room through the glass.
She walked in slowly at first, obviously unaware of Chloe sitting off to the side. Chloe just watched, ready to grab her the moment she got close enough.
Beca glanced toward the stairs and then, clearing her throat, she took a long stride as though everything was fine and she hadn't been sneaking like 007.
"Beca!"
The brunette jumped about a mile into the air.
"What's going on?"
"Jesus! I uh- I gotta-"
"Nope!" Chloe hopped down, grabbing her arm so she couldn't bolt. "What happened?"
"Nothing! What are you talking about! Nothing - happening!"
"Did you call me?" Aubrey asked, coming around the corner.
They looked like two terrified street cats about to either attack one another or go hissing and spitting in the opposite direction.
Chloe grabbed her other best friend's arm as well, "What the hell is happening here, ladies? What's going on?"
She watched Aubrey's mouth press into a tight line, staring fire down at Beca who pointedly was looking elsewhere again.
"She crawled her little pervy ass into bed with me last night!" Aubrey finally exploded.
"What?" Chloe cried, turning on Beca in disbelief.
"Okay, whoa, ow! Arm! Squeezing my arm off! And to be freaking fair, dude, you were in Chloe's bed! WhythehellwereyouinChloe'sbed?Whatthefuckhappenedlastnight?"
"Why were you getting into Chloe's bed last night, Beca!?"
"I wasn't! I was - sleepwalking…" Beca frowned as though she wished she had come up with something better than that.
"We're you sleep fondling as well?" Aubrey cried, face pink.
"Wait, what?" Chloe cried, a snarly tiger waking in her chest.
"Okaaaay, there was no fondling!"
"Your hand was down my pants. Your hand was in my, my, underwear."
"Beca!"
"I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!" Beca cried, her hands covering her face as Chloe turned, her hand convulsing on Beca's arm.
"WHY IS THAT BETTER?" Aubrey shouted, a teakettle about to boil over.
"Wait!" Chloe let both of them go, putting her hands out like a referee, "Last night Beca, you got into my bed? And you met - Aubrey? You touched Aubrey?" That tiger roared a little louder.
Beca let out a long groan, bouncing in place and twitching back and forth, "Maybe," she whined.
Oh god, she tried, she tried to hold it in. She bit her lip, she held her breath - but it was impossible. It was the look on their faces, they both looked equal parts confused, terrified and disgusted. She tried but the laughter exploded from her like a geyser. She covered her mouth with both hands, hoping that it would force it back in but with no luck. Each time she looked at one of their affronted faces the laughter just got worse until big fat tears were running down her face. The way that Aubrey was frozen, a human statue, the way that Beca couldn't stop bouncing, it was all hilarious. She could only imagine their faces when it had happened, "Oh my god, how, how did I not wake up for this? I was there, right?"
Beca glared, "This isn't funny, dude!"
"You're not concerned as to why any of this happened?"
"Um, well…"
"Beca, why were you in Chloe's bed? Seriously!"
"Why the fuck were you, Aubrey?" Beca shot back.
"Wait," Chloe caught Beca's twitching shoulder, "you don't honestly think something happened, do you?"
Beca just scuffed her feet and Chloe had to bite laughter back again.
"Really?"
Still Beca didn't respond, she just screwed up her face and studied her nails.
"Oh my god, like what? Bec! Nothing happened!"
"Chloe, why-I don't-"
Chloe chewed the inside of her lip, watching Beca try to pretend she wasn't...jealous...Beca was totally jealous! She let out a small laugh again, hooking Beca by the neck, "Really?" She let out another titter.
"Oh my god, stop laughing! Last night was awful!"
"I'm sorry." She schooled her expression and turned back to Aubrey.
"I'm sorry, maybe I'm being rude, but something did happen last night!" Both Chloe and Beca's head shot up, "Hello! Hand! Down - my - pants!" Aubrey's hand gesticulated like meat cleaver, "Are we just okay with this?"
"No!" Beca shouted.
"Um, Brey," Chloe let out a stiff relieved laugh, squeezing the back of Beca's neck ever so slightly and trying hard not to think, yet again, about what their faces must have looked like, "why don't we go get some breakfast and um, talk?"
"Really, Chloe? Really? You're just not concerned - at all? Are you two so twisted that -" Then Aubrey's face dropped open, "Noooooo!"
Chloe jumped, "Oookay, breakfast, yeah."
"Chloe, you're kidding me!"
"Um-" She squirmed, feeling Beca's eyes drilling holes into the side of her head.
"YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH BECA!"
Chloe bit her lip, "So um, about breakfast…"
"How did she do it? How? I would love to know!"
Chloe had gotten dressed as quickly as possible, sensing Aubrey's impending explosion. Beca hadn't moved, still scowling and as much as Chloe had wanted to kiss that little frown away; she decided instead to get to that talk sooner rather than later because no one wanted to see Aubrey's head explode. She had pushed her out of the door, none too gently receiving another 'why was Aubrey in your bed' look from Beca which she returned with a sassy wink.
Honestly, she wasn't even sure of that answer herself. Why was Aubrey in her bed? They had cuddled before, a lot even, but they had never shared the same type of cuddle sessions that she had with Beca; the kind where one would wrap around the other one like a cocoon and they would fall into a happy death-like sleep. She had come to realize some of her behaviors with Aubrey had been a little - abnormal for two supposedly straight women- it was the reason why she was sure Aubrey wouldn't be surprised by her news - but they had never been like that; not like she and Beca had been. She supposed that she had shared a bed with Aubrey before, of course she had, yet something was rubbing her the wrong way.
She had to guess that they had both just fallen asleep.
Poor Beca.
She had just been looking for intimacy...of whatever kind...and had found - Aubrey. It still was funny, but Aubrey really didn't seem to think so.
They would laugh in a few days once everyone got used to everything.
"Wait, I don't understand, how did who do what?"
They had just been pushed into a booth by a helpful, if not a bit eager hostess when Aubrey spoke, clearly unable to hold it in any longer. She had been entirely silent the ride over, her lips pressed so tight they disappeared completely, and Chloe hadn't been surprised. Clearly, she thought Chloe had been violated in some way.
"Beca! Please tell me how that witchy woman talked you into her bed! She's amazing! I would almost be impressed if she weren't such a little pervert."
"It's not like that, Brey, really."
"Oh please. She's had a toner for you since you serenaded her in the nude. You know, Chloe, you really need to start thinking about your actions. This probably wouldn't be happening if you have just waited for her to put on a robe."
"Then thank god I didn't." She gave Aubrey a wink that was apparently a little too suggestive for Aubrey at that particular moment. "Oh. Sorry."
"How did it happen? What did she say?"
She guiltily thought back to that first evening, to the moment she hooked Beca by the neck, the way her own hand had climbed into Beca's hair - the way she had pulled Beca in for their first kiss. "Actually Brey, it's really not like that. Beca didn't make the first move. I - I kind of made it happen. She really is so much sweeter than you give her credit for."
Aubrey looked at her like unicorns had just flown out of Chloe's nose.
"Um, why don't I start at the beginning?"
"Yes, I think that would be great. Thank you."
So Chloe took a deep breath - and she explained. She told her about marrying Nick and feeling as though something in her life was just wrong. She told her about the reunion and her evening of kissing Missy; she told her of the way her life split into three and how after that both she and Nick seemed to find a weird symbiosis. "That's why I don't mind that Nick is with Jenny now."
"Because you're with Beca?"
"What? No. We're not - no, not officially. Honestly, it probably has to stop soon. But I meant, Nick married a lesbian, Brey. I don't think I'm bi, I think I'm gay. He deserves some type of happiness now. I can't blame him. I don't even know which one was the first of us to find another woman." She couldn't stop her amused little laugh.
"You really think you're a lesbian, huh?" Aubrey stared, open mouthed.
Chloe laughed again, giving her nose a scrunch at the obvious fascination on Aubrey's face, "Trust me, I know it. I didn't for a while, but I do now."
"Wow." Aubrey had to shake herself a little to stop staring. "I guess I'm not that surprised. But Beca...really...Beca?"
Chloe flushed, grinning, "You can't really be all that surprised, Brey. Think back. I think we've had a thing for one another since day one. Both of us."
"No, I suppose you're right about that too. As much as I hate to say it, I think it makes a few things make more sense. But really? Beca?"
Chloe made a soft contented sound in the back of her throat, "Really. Beca." She hadn't realized that her mind had slipped off to somewhere far from their table, her hand pressing ever so lightly to that spot over her heart, not until Aubrey scoffed.
"That little dick!"
"What?"
Aubrey looked … offended...highly offended...and…hurt?
"Brey, what's wrong?"
"I just can't believe her." Chloe felt her airy good mood plummet at the sight of Aubrey's watery eyes, "Of course she would start sleeping with you. She just absolutely loves to take things from me, doesn't she?"
"What? Brey!"
"Competitions, titles, the Bellas, all Bella recognition. I started that team up from the ground when Alice left, they were all new girls and no one has ever said a word about it thanks to Beca." Aubrey's cheeks were turning tomato red as she briskly wiped a coming tear away, "And you! I've been competing with her for you since you met, haven't I? We will never be as close as we were before Beca showed up, will we? Even after she left it was never the same."
"Brey…" Chloe's heart ached at the agitation in Aubrey's I-swear-I'm-fine voice. She took her hand and held it tight, "It's not like that. I love you. I told you last night. I can't even compare my relationship with you to my relationship with Beca or vice versa. They're so different."
"Right." Aubrey softly pulled her hand away, straightening the napkin in her lap. "I guess they are now."
"Aubrey."
"She just - she's always going to know you in ways I never can, won't she? I will always be the second best friend."
She watched Aubrey avoid her eyes, fixing her hair, checking her makeup in a compact and watching the other patrons in a stiff sort of way; finding her Aubrey mask and putting it back on.
"It's not a competition, Brey. I promise."
Aubrey clicked her tongue and gave a small laugh, "Isn't it, though, Chloe?"
"No!"
"And yet, somehow she still won."
Chloe scowled, utterly and completely lost for words.
How could Aubrey ever think this? There was no way to compare!
"Aubrey."
"You literally told me none of this was happening, Chloe."
"But that's about me! That's about me and the fact that I messed up. Not about Beca."
"Chloe - is this smart? Beca?"
"Stop that!" Chloe cried, lightly smacking the top of their table.
Aubrey scoffed.
"She ran from me for two years because she had feelings for me, Brey. She's not going to do that again and even if she does, you're my best friend - be there for me!"
Aubrey's face fell, "I guess," she sighed, "I'm not really surprised by any of it. I'm just - I don't know, Chloe, I don't know. It just feels like she found out that you were venerable and she jumped on her chance. She jumped on you as soon as she had a chance that little midget."
"You don't get it, Brey! I all but asked her to sleep with me! I asked her not to stop. I asked her not to stop. She was so kind, Aubrey, and sweet and gentle. I couldn't have asked for a better first time with a woman. She even asked me before things progressed too far. Don't be mad at her - Be - happy for me. Please."
Aubrey stared her down for a long while, thinking as she searched her face.
"Oh come on, Brey, if Nick can be okay with this then you kind of have to be too."
"Nick knows?"
"Oh yeah."
Aubrey was staring again and then, because she didn't really have another choice, "Okay."
Chloe grinned, squeezing her hand, "Okay. Good. Now. What are you going to order?"
