I wasn't always this happy. Not this kind to people. I didn't smile this much. Now I'm this way though, thanks to my friends, thanks to the people who helped me. Mostly thanks to Yoongi, who pulled me away from that rooftop then, that time i was sure I would do it. He was the one who got me to see the therapist. He was the one who helped me trough everything with his presence...
Hi! I hope you will red this and give this a thought, mianhae again!
It all started when that terrifying carcrash happened, killing my parents, my siblings and my pet dog. After that I got fastly very depressed. Although it wasn't diagnosed in few years. I started doing different kinds of self-harm. I cut my arms and legs into a one huge spiderweb, I ate pills, drank poisonous things, did everything I could think of to help myself cope with it.
I had no friends then but Yoongi, he was my childhood friend, no matter that we weren't that close then, when that happened, he still was the only one to know about everything in my past. He knew I hurt myself, and tried to make me stop, telling me how precious I was and how I shouldn't die, how it would leave a huge hole in his life. I don't know how I didn't get that he had a huge crush on me, all I can blame is my depression.
I have always been a negative person, and then when all my living family died I didn't want to continue living. Yoongi was the only reason, when those times when I thought abiyt killing myself, I stopped. Why I just hurt and didn't kill.
The time I really was about to kill myself was when Yoongi told me I couldn't live with him anymore. Oh yeah, right, I had lived at Mins since my parents death, they were my godparents, they said to the officers working then, that they would take care of me till I was eigthteen. But then they had to move to a smaller apartment, because mr. Min lost his job and they didn't have enough money to live there anymore. So I, who had saved whole my life to get an apartment when I was adult, used it to rent myself a room from a huge apartmentbuilding.
I've gotten out of the script, yeah, I wrote a script about what to tell you Jimin, I had planned it out, not to just write everything, but tell things to make you understand why I am me, and to get your trust back. But now I've gotten completely out of it, mianhae.
But yeah, then I moved alone and my self hatred grew million times bigger than it had been before, before that, it had been huge, but Yoongi had always helped me stay fine, but now I was alone most if the time. That was when there was two months I wasn't in school, do you remember that, you asked for me so many times, no matter that we were just classmates, sat next to each other in one class, I didn't even remember your name.
Then I tried to jump from the roof. I was so close and then someone pulled me away. That someone was Yoongi. I was shocked, I thought he had moved, but he was there to meet me. He told about his new life, how he was unable to find new friends, how he had hard time away from me, how he missed me
Then I went and blurted "I want to die" which made him quiet, then he started crying. "I don't want you to die" he whispered to my ear hugging me tightly.
I'm sorry Jimin, I can't continue now, i'm crying too much, I hope you will make out something from this after it has gotten this wet. But this was the start of my story, and it is in no order. I will probably write it again for you some time, when I have Yoongi to help me keep myself in order, now he is at his parents.
I love you Jimin, you are the bestest of best friends, saranghae!
* Well, this is short one, but it is a letter frim Tae to Jimin, which you might have noticed.. it is really weirdly written which is how I tried to bring out his messed up feelings, but you'll get a better look in my next chappie which is Yoongis pov from these things
With love, Taru *
