Chapter 23

Goody Two-Shoes (Part III)

Part III picks up as our pair of no-gooders arrive at home while the deceptive plot to cover all this up begins to unfold as an impressionable Jamie is coached in the dark arts by his sister who we can say definitely found her niche as a lawyer in the future as she bullies and bends and weaves the truth around to suit her own purpose.


"Jamie, please don't cry anymore!" Erin begged as she pulled the car safely into the driveway and checked nervously in the mirror for any signs of Tyler behind them. Thankfully there were none. "Mom is gonna be able to tell that something happened the minute you walk in the house! You have a terrible poker face! Besides, I told you I would go back tomorrow after church and try to get it out of the tree. Maybe I can knock it down with a baseball or something."

"You can't pitch a ball up that far!" Jamie gretzed as he sat stubbornly with his arms crossed and refused to move or be pacified. "Only Joey can!"

"Well we're NOT gonna tell anyone else about this are we, little man? Remember snitches wind up in ditches and you're in as much trouble as I am! You hit somebody in the face with that thing on purpose!"

"Danny says that doesn't count! He says when it comes to family you're 'lowed to shoot first and ask questions later. He was hurting your arm, Erin! I'm supposed to protect you!"

"Well, then you don't want to see me get into any more big trouble with Dad, do you? C'mon Jamie… he grounded me so I wouldn't see Tyler anymore and I'm definitely never, ever gonna do that again, so Dad and Mom will be happy about that, right? I learned my lesson, and besides it was your fault that I had to leave the house and take you to the dumb school, anyway! You were the one bugging Mom about that! Otherwise I would have stayed home and none of this would have ever happened!"

"But I lost my shoe!" he railed back. "And 'sides, Mommy and Daddy and Grandma Betty and Father Flynn say it's a sin to lie!"

"So you won't have to! And Mommy and Daddy are already upset about Danny and that test so we shouldn't try to make it any worse! If they ask you how practice was, you can say good, 'cause it was… your coach said you did good and you get to start the game next week, right? And if they ask you how I did driving, you can say good too because I got you there and back just fine, right? Just leave the rest of the stuff out and you won't be lying at all!"

"But you hit Tyler with the car!"

"Bumped. I bumped him a teeny tiny little bit with the fender," Erin corrected as she honed her future lawyer skills and gathered up her things while preparing to get out of the vehicle, having nearly forgotten about that last part in her haste to get away, but first she took an anxious calculated glance at the house. If Mary was up and around on that toe and watching out the window as surely she might be with her heart in her throat wondering what on earth could have possessed her to let her teenaged daughter drive her precious little baby boy alone on public streets two days after her driver's license arrived… if that was the case she would be getting suspicious about now over this long delay as they sat here getting their stories straight and this whole plan would be dead in the water before they even got in the front door. Erin knew she had to find a way to keep Jamie away from her parents as much as possible until she was able to get the damn shoe back to settle him down. Luckily it appeared that her mother's bum foot was once again keeping her largely immobile and confined to the back of the house and Erin huffed in relief as she dashed around to the passenger side to pull her little brother out of the vehicle.

"Stop it, Erin! I'm a big boy, I can walk all by myself!…" he started to protest as she grabbed him and his now half-empty duffle bag and started physically to drag him behind the car, intent on getting him inside and up the steps to his room before her mother could see his guilt-ridden dirty face with its red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks. "Erin, LOOK!" came the gasp though as they rounded the side where a nice-sized ugly dent was evident in the panel courtesy of the swipe by Tyler's steel-toed boots. "OY! Momma's going to be so mad when she sees what he did to her car!"

"Tyler didn't do that, a baseball did," Erin improvised on the fly as she renewed her efforts to get Jamie up the steps and into the house unseen.

"No it didn't! I saw him kick the… humph!" he ended abruptly as a hand clamped down over his mouth to silence him as she pulled him in the front door and quickly towards the steps.

"Erin? Is that you? Is everything okay? Where's Jamie? How was his practice?" she heard her mother call from the kitchen and the distinctive alternate clop of the hard boot and patter of a slipper as she got up slowly from the table and made her way towards the doorway.

"Everything's fine, Mom!" Erin answered as she neared the top of the stairway, still dragging her struggling and physically hushed little brother along. "He's just all muddy and stinky and stuff from playing ball in the dirt. Aren't you Jamie? You know how he gets… he hates to be seen like that and you wouldn't allow him to sit anywhere in the house right now! I'll make sure he gets a good tubby so you don't need to come upstairs! Just go rest your foot! He'll be nice and clean before he comes down for lunch and tells you all about it!"

"Oh, thank you, dear. That's very nice of you. Make sure he scrubs behind his ears!" Mary reminded as she turned her full attention back to Danny who had managed to make very little headway in his efforts despite an entire morning of intense tutoring from his mother. "Now, what was the name of the general who was relieved of his Union command just three days before the battle of Gettysburg, and who took his place?" she asked.

"Lee?" Danny guessed hopefully, pulling at straws. "And George Washington took over?"

"Oh, sweet Jesus in heaven, give me strength," Mary sighed. "Daniel, you're going to be selling siding for the rest of your life at this rate. General Robert E. Lee's Confederate Army of Northern Virginia was defeated in attacks by Union Major General George Meade's Army of the Potomac, ending Lee's attempt to invade the North. President Abraham Lincoln ordered Major General Joseph Hooker to move his army in pursuit, but he was relieved of command just three days before the battle and replaced by Meade."

"Wait, General Lee… like on the Dukes of Hazzard? That orange car had a Confederate flag!" Danny exclaimed as the realization hit him. "I can remember that!"

"Terrific, the details of one of the most important moments of American history escape you, but you can remember facts from a half-rated tv show. I'm so proud, Daniel Fitzgerald Reagan," Mary frowned contentiously.

"Oh, c'mon, Ma! I'm gonna be a cop!" Danny complained right back. "I'm not good at all this memorizing book stuff like everyone else is, but I know people, and if you think Erin took Jamie upstairs like that to clean him up before you saw him, then that probably means he came home with a great big black eye from hitting his head on the dashboard or something when she slammed on the brakes and forgot to have him put his seatbelt on! Now she's trying to cover it up with her makeup before you see," he offered as he turned the tables on his own mother with the added bonus of putting her intense maternal spotlight back on his sister.

"Daniel, I…" Mary started as she sat up in her chair ramrod straight. Of course, say what you will about anything else, but Danny had indeed inherited his father and grandfather's keen nose for chutzpah and he certainly was gifted in how to read people when they were trying to pull a fast one over… "I'll be right back!" she exclaimed as she got up and painfully clopped her way over to the stairs as fast as possible, grimacing at the pains in her big toe as she hurried.

"ERIN! ERIN MARIE REAGAN! Show yourself this instant!" Mary ordered and then pulled herself up the steps one at a time by the railing in her effort to get to the bottom of this when there was no reply and she heard the water in the bathroom running at full force before the door slammed shut.

"Mom! What are you doing? I told you that you didn't have to come up here! Dad said you weren't to do steps unless absolutely necessary!" Erin started as she came around the corner with Jamie's dirty clothing in hand and found her mother nearing the top of the stairway.

"I'll go wherever I want in this house! Now where is Jamison?" Mary huffed as she finally ascended to the landing, out of breath from her awkward efforts while her momma bear senses came to full force, and at least one of the Reagan cubs was going to feel her wrath if she found anything untoward up there.

"He's in the tub," Erin answered with a contrite and often-practiced surprised tone in her voice, having quickly stripped her little brother naked as a jaybird against his will and thrown him the bathroom with no clothing or towels available to make his escape before releasing his mouth with a firm threat to go scrub his face with a washcloth as hard as he could to hide the tear stains. As bashful as Jamie was now, Erin knew he would be sitting in the water under bubbles the moment he heard anyone else come near. "I told you he needed a bath," she added, showing the muddy uniform for evidence to bolster her case. "I was just going to get him some jeans and a new shirt to wear. All the towels are downstairs in the laundry, too, and he needs one of those."

"Oh," Mary waffled when presented with those benign-looking facts. Perhaps Danny had been wrong about all of this, or worse was trying to pull his own fast one over on her in an effort to get out of his studies. Still, she was up here now and not about to let this go until she laid eyes on her youngest son and confirmed that he was in fact still in one piece. "Jamison?" she called as she continued to hobble down the hall towards the bath, anyway. "Honey, are you sure you're okay in there?"

"Yes, Momma! I'm fine! You don't have to come… in here!" he continued as she opened the door anyway and he slid down as far as possible into his meager fluff of bubbles. "MOMMA, PLEASE!" he cried, his instant blush hiding the fact that he had nearly taken the first layer of skin off his face with the washcloth in an attempt to comply with his sister's orders.

"I'm sorry, dear. I was just checking," Mary apologized at the invasion of privacy as she reminded herself that her little boy was growing up after all and no longer welcomed company in the room during his bath time. Still it was comforting to her to see that despite his older brother's predictions he appeared to be all in one piece as there was very little to be hidden otherwise.

"How was your practice?" she asked as she deferred to his sensitivity and closed the door, standing behind it with just a crack open so they could talk.

"Good..." he answered with a heavy swallow and a grimace his mother couldn't see as he remembered the strict no-lying coaching Erin had imparted on him, complete with a death threat involving a ditch if he happened to snitch. "Coach, um, Parker said I did good and probably get to start the game next week and bat first out of everybody."

"Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful news! Your Daddy and the boys will be so proud of you! I know you've been working very hard and there's a lot of bigger players on this travel team. Those new shoes must have brought you good luck today!"

"Yes, ma'am," Jamie agreed with a huge frowny face that his mother couldn't see. "Can you go away now?" he asked evenly as the tears of self pity were going to come hard again and he didn't want her to hear him sniffling.

"Oh, of course, Jamison. I'm so sorry. I'll have some lunch ready for you downstairs when you get out."

"'Kay, thank you," came the polite reply and Mary was off pegging back down the hall again, satisfied that her youngest was well. A quick peek out the window showed the car to be parked nicely in it's normal spot in the driveway looking unscathed from this side at least, and her apparently helpful daughter was returning with Jamie's clothes and a pile of freshly laundered folded towels pulled from the dryer downstairs which she gratefully acknowledged with a satisfied smile and nod. Perhaps this weekend of confinement with a couple of grounded angst-ridden teenagers wasn't going to be so bad after all. At least Joey had offered little to worry over in his grandparents' charge and Grandma Betty had insisted she would bring everything from the store and come over to help cook Sunday dinner here the next day so there was no reason to be concerned about that. Frank will be so pleased when he gets home, Mary thought, until she realized exactly how much work was left to be done downstairs with her oldest and his history lessons. Three out of four wasn't bad, she sighed as she carefully headed back down the steps towards him to start again.

"Jamison is fine," she emphasized as she returned and sat back down at the table to rest. "Why don't you take a break for a few minutes and make some sandwiches for everyone for a late lunch since your sister is helping with her brother and the laundry. There's fresh roast beef with rolls and that good thinly sliced cheese that everyone likes," she directed from her chair as she put her foot back up on the pillow as the doctor had advised her to do as much as possible.

"Sure, Ma," Danny offered with raised eyebrows and she huffed when she couldn't figure out which part of her statement had incited that inflected reply.

Meanwhile upstairs Erin had barged into the bathroom once more and was holding Jamie's clothing and the towel hostage for information. "What did you tell Mom?" she hissed.

"That my practice was GOOD," he replied with emphasis as he wiped the last of his tears and she inspected his face to see if he had done as ordered. "Now gimme my stuff and go 'way!"

"Did she ask about the car yet?" Erin pressed as she continued to hold the items behind her back.

"No! She said to come for lunch when I was done, but I don't wanna! My tummy hurts!"

"Good! Go down and tell her that and then you can stay in your room the rest of the day! This is perfect! It'll explain the look you have on your face and everything! She'll just think you're sick and let you alone to sleep! Play that up! I'll handle everything when Dad gets home and you won't give it away!"

"But Erin, my tummy really does hurt!" he cried to an empty wall as she had just dumped off his clothes and the towel on the floor and left with a little slam of the door. "Guess I won't have to lie about that either," he griped at his sister's disregard for his feelings as he got out of the water to dry off and dress.

###

"What's the matter, kid? You gonna eat the rest of that sandwich I slaved over in the kitchen to make you, or are you waiting for it to walk off the plate by itself?" Danny asked as he eyeballed a possible second yummy roast beef lunch entrée to pack away as Jamie had taken just one bite and then sat with his chin on the table staring past the food on his plate for the last ten minutes without eating anything while everyone else finished their lunch and his mother got up to tend to another load of laundry in the next room when the washer beeped.

"You can have it," Jamie sighed as he pushed the dish over towards his older brother. "M'm not hungry. My stomach hurts."

"Oh, what… did Erin make you sick in the car?" Danny joked although he was half serious. His sister had a tendency to pump the brakes a long way out from an intersection and it made for a choppy ride oftentimes. He could see where something like that might cause a little kid in the backseat to lose his cookies as it were.

"No, she drove good. We got there and back just fine," Jamie answered automatically with Erin's pre-filled in truth script. "Whatcha reading about now?" he asked in an effort to distract himself and change the subject.

"All about the punishment and discipline the soldiers faced if they did something wrong," Danny revealed as he flipped yet another page. "This is the only interesting part I've found so far," he sighed. "Sometimes they tied them to a spare wheel in the back of the caisson to torture them and gagged them so they couldn't hear them screaming or they just shot them by firing squad and left them in a ditch… for any little thing like lying to their commanding officer or something dumb like that."

"Daniel, that's not for your little brother's ears," Mary warned as she came back in the kitchen and she saw Jamie's eyes go wide with that revelation.

"Sorry, Ma... but he asked," Danny defended.

"They don't still do stuff like that, do they?" Jamie swallowed hard.

"Nah, that was back in the old days," his brother assured. "When there were pirates on the seas too. They just made you walk the plank and jump into the ocean to let the sharks eat you. Now if detectives like Dad catch you lying about something you get put in jail."

"How does Daddy know that?" Jamie asked nervously as his stomach twinged again and he put his hand down over top of it. "I mean about people lying to him?"

"Oh, c'mon, Jamie… you've heard all about that from Dad and Grandpa when they tell their stories. It's called sweating a perp. Sometimes they shine a bright light in their eyes while they ask questions in a dark room, or they make the guy thirsty and keep a glass of water right out of his reach. Other times they play good cop, bad cop… one guy acts all nice and stuff and the other one is mean and scares the perp. That's the one I want to be," he smiled as he considered his career goals despite the fact it hinged on what looked like an impossible task at this point. "Plus, Dad says anytime a guy falls asleep in the box when he's being questioned he can tell he's guilty too."

"Daddy's really good at his job, isn't he?" Jamie asked forlornly wondering how he could possibly keep the truth from somebody who could do amazing things like that.

"Of course, he's a Reagan… we're the best," Danny assured as he had always identified himself with the likes of his father and grandfather with regard to the family business.

Their little discussion was suddenly interrupted though with the arrival of Joey, home from his trip to the naval museum. "Mom! Mom!" he burst in the back door excitedly.

"Joseph, mind your manners," Mary reminded. "Hang up your jacket and take your shoes off, and then you can tell us all about your visit to the Intrepid."

"No, Mom! Grandpa's outside looking at the car, what happened?" he asked as Jamie's stomach lurched and did a final flip turn before thudding to the bottom of his feet like it was filled with lead. "There's a big dent in the back!"

"What!" Mary gasped as she jumped to her feet with a grimace. "Where? Jamison, did your sister have an accident with another car?!" she demanded as her suspicions rose to the forefront again.

"No, Momma… Erin didn't hit anything," Jamie admitted in truth by the letter of the law, it had after all been someone who had in fact hit back.

"Erin Marie Reagan!" Mary shouted again before heading at a slow pace to the back door. "Get down here right now!" she added as Danny and Joey rushed back out to see while Jamie lingered behind as his sister's feet hit the bottom landing. She had been up in her room nervously pacing for the last half hour wondering exactly who would see the damage first, and her wish that maybe it would go unnoticed until the car had been parked on the street so that the blame could be further deflected had gone unanswered.

"Follow my lead and otherwise keep your mouth shut!" she demanded with a hiss as she gave Jamie a sharp bump on the way by, and he put his head down and followed everyone else outside.

"Oh, no! My car!" Mary cried as she neared the little gathering of Reagan men and noticed the good-sized ding. "Erin, what happened?"

"Erin was driving the car?" Henry asked as he stood back and adjusted his glasses with a raised eyebrow. "I thought Francis had that girl grounded until the next century."

"She took Jamie to baseball practice for me this morning," Mary explained to her father-in-law. "Erin?"

"Mom, I didn't see that when we were at the school!" Erin answered carefully. "Nothing happened between here and there either! Maybe it got hit with a baseball?" she slid her preconceived plausible explanation in there. "I wasn't near it the whole time because you told me I had to watch my little brother and we were parked by the field where the bigger boys were throwing, right Jamie?"

"Yes," he choked out. "I had to walk around them when I went back to the car."

"Oh, no! You parked in that lot? Erin, balls fly in there all the time! There's signs all over to park at your own risk, but I never…" Mary trailed off. "Well, I never told you not to do that so I guess it was my fault," she frowned. "Frank's not going to be happy with this when he gets home," she sighed with regret. "I guess I'm the one that's gonna be in hot water tonight."

###

"Erin Reagan! I can't believe what I'm hearing! You left you own mother hanging there on purpose to take the rap for the dent?! And Jamie! Even though you were little you went along with that?!" Linda exclaimed in disbelief as she looked between the two who were both sitting quietly with their eyes down, reliving the shared guilt between them. "Now I've heard everything," she admitted as she shook her head and pushed her dessert plate away. "You two are definitely doing the dishes tonight, and if you were mine I would ground you all over again."

"Well, lambchop, you just permanently lost Boy Scout status in my eyes," Eddie tutted in shock as she held a sleeping Kaylin on her lap, the long story having acted like a bedtime tale, much to her father's relief at this point.

"I was just a little dweeb afraid of ditches," Jamie sighed and acknowledged with heavy regret. "But I knew it was wrong."

"Yeah, but I pushed you into it," Erin admitted, equally ashamed. "I'm still sorry about that. You would have told the truth from the start if I hadn't done those things to you."

"Mom, I am just… wow… speechless," Nicki huffed before wrinkling up her nose. "I get now what I did was pretty bad… maybe I would have been tempted to do the same thing. I'm sorry for yelling at you and Uncle Jamie, but poor Grandma! And she had a broken toe at the time too!"

"Yeah, all her kids were against her that weekend, well all but Uncle Joe," Jack observed. "He's the only one that didn't do anything wrong, and the General Lee, Dad?" he asked as he looked sideways over at his father. "Seriously? How on earth did you ever pass that test?"

"I got my diploma and became a cop, didn't I?" was all the explanation Danny would offer with a grunt.

"Not until after a failed stint at selling siding," Henry muttered under his breath.

"Grandpa, please say you didn't yell at Grandma Mary when you got home, did you?" Sean wondered. "'Cause it totally wasn't her fault! How did you figure it out? Did you make Aunt Erin and Uncle Jamie sweat it out in the box?"

"Well, Sean… no, of course I didn't yell at your grandmother when I got home," Frank admitted as he took over the story. "I certainly wasn't happy about it, but it seemed at the time to have been just an accident… and those things happen and it's nobody's fault. I had a feeling though that something was off with the whole story, but pretty soon we were worried whatever went on was a whole lot worse than a little dent in the car when your uncle's conscience started to get the better of him…"


Ooh, that took a bad turn, didn't it? Luckily Frank didn't fly off the handle when he got home to make it worse, but as Part IV picks up Jamie's shift in behavior starts to raise suspicions and things only amplify the next day at Sunday dinner as the whole family is gathered in the house and he does indeed start to sweat. What will be the tipping point? Will he confide in anyone, and what will they counsel him to do before the truth comes out and a certain sister decides to head for the hills?