Chapter 31

No Good Deed… (Part I)

This two-shot is especially for lawslave once more who requested a snapshot right after "Name" ended with another awkward moment between the newfound best buds Eddie and Danny that was sure to make Jamie squirm in utter discomfort as this unholy relationship between his wife and brother is taken to the next level… plumbing repair. Top that off with a forgotten lunch box, an impending visit from mommazilla, an unhappy nun and a few angry turkeys just days before Thanksgiving and the poor boy will have one eventful shift he might want to forget.


"3-5 Sergeant on the air," came the call from a Central dispatcher just as Jamie and his eager new rookie Annabel "Annie" Anderson were about to radio in a 10-63 and exit their RPM for an abbreviated and very late lunch break during an unusually busy Tuesday. The weather was still pleasantly warm for the end of November although the added vehicle and pedestrian traffic plus the ensuing conflicts that it caused could well be attributed to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday in just two days time.

"Figures, this is just going to be one of those shifts," Jamie hissed under his breath as he reached for his shoulder radio while his stomach rumbled. Normally he had a few spare packages of crackers stashed in his pockets or car for emergencies like this, but Kaylin had commandeered them as well as his bottle of iced tea on her way into the daycare before shift when the pair realized her lunch box had been left behind on the counter in the kitchen, and a quick search of Eddie's new crossover he had driven in while the Mustang was in the shop turned up nada in the spare snack department which was ironic. The little girl's church preschool class was on holiday hiatus for the week, so she had returned to her familiar daycare near the precinct and the two patrol officers had been on calls nonstop since rolling out right after the morning briefing. "3-5 Sergeant, go," he answered back, just grateful at this point that Lieutenant Renzulli, aka "Uncle Tony," had volunteered to run half his sandwich down the street to the child before that had become a crisis situation all on its own. Eddie had just come off a midnight shift at the 12th and was sleeping after Wilson drove her home before frantic preparations would need to be made for her mother's just-announced impending visit the next day… a mother who had not yet been informed of an unexpected bun in her nervous daughter's oven just yet. On top of that, since becoming pregnant, Eddie seemed to buck the normal trend of morning sickness, instead finding herself growing prone to increasingly strong bouts of nausea in the late afternoon which had been making regular dinners out of bounds, and more often than not Jamie and Kaylin now found themselves eating supper late alone together as a table of two.

In short, Jamison Reagan's regular routine was completely out of sorts to start with and this call did not look like it would improve that situation.

"3-5 Sergeant, 10-53, multiple MVA, auto versus truck with 10-64A special circumstances, Wilshire cross street 12th."

"10-4 Central," Jamie advised as Annabel hit the lights and siren. "Put 3-5 Charles on our back, ETA two minutes. 3-5 Sergeant out."

When the pair arrived on scene, it was indeed evident that this would not be a routine call at all. Jamie's mouth dropped open as he took in the chaotic sight before him in the middle of a city block. A total of three vehicles were involved, including a white flatbed truck that was lying on its side, a number of large wire cages on the back with open doors and battered panels. The truck had been sideswiped by a dark two-door sedan that was now wedged between the larger vehicle and a spouting fire hydrant while a third silver compact with a logo from the Archdiocese of New York had struck the rear tailgate and crumpled up its hood. What first caught the attention of the two officers though was not the number or condition of the vehicles involved, but rather an agitated flock of a half dozen super-sized large fowl that were strutting, gobbling and assuming threatening postures at any civilian good samaritan that tried to get near the carnage which thankfully did not look to have caused serious injuries although none of the drivers seemed eager to get out of their cars just yet either.

"Annabel, please tell me I'm seeing things. What does that look like to you?" Jamie asked in disbelief as he sought confirmation before raising his hand to his radio to call for much-needed additional backup units and animal control. "And… why exactly are they red, white and blue?!" he pondered as he tried to make sense of that anomaly… the largest obvious male in particular was resplendent in white and black feathers while displaying by showing intense blues around the eyes offset by the red snood hanging over the beak, the caruncles hanging from the throat, and the 'beard' of small, black, stiff feathers on the chest.

"Well, they're either filming a trailer for the new 'Angry Birds' movie or I'm seeing enough free-range tom turkey there for about a hundred and twenty-five at dinner, sir," she answered in her typical no nonsense manner. "Domesticated males," she observed. "That's what they look like when they're feeling… well, territorial and sexy," she added with a smile and a wink as she enthusiastically adjusted her hat and prepared herself for battle. NYPD Rookie Officer Annabel Anderson always jumped into any situation feet first and reveled in the diversity of each and every call they received in the big city.

"And you know this exactly, how?"

"Animal Planet, sir. 'Secrets of the Turkey,' it's their annual Thanksgiving week special."

"So what else did you learn, Bindi Irwin?"

"A high-pitched trill like that indicates the birds are becoming aggressive which can develop into intense sparring where opponents leap at each other with the large, sharp talons and try to peck or grasp the head off the other," she replied as she regurgitated the information from memory. "Aggression increases in frequency and severity as the birds mature," she added before looking back over and raising her eyebrows. "These guys look pretty big."

"'Leap with talons to peck or grasp the head off the other'… Outstanding," Jamie griped as he cautiously got out of the RMP and the obvious flock master's beady-eyed attention immediately zeroed in on him just as a New York One News satellite truck pulled up to guarantee an audience. "And we have company…" he reminded his three officers as Patterson and Rossi from 3-5 Charles arrived and stepped up for direction from their sergeant. "I'm not having Kaylin and a couple of hundred thousand other little kids watch while we take down a bunch of turkeys O.K. Corral-style on live television before the holiday so keep your weapons holstered and let's refrain from running around like… well, like chickens with our heads cut off or this will turn into a social media nightmare for the NYPD. We're not getting out of here anytime soon unless we outsmart them… not the way they're looking at us, and it sure doesn't seem like these boys are gonna be willing to go down without a fight. I'm thinking there's at least four hours of cleanup and paperwork staring back over here."

###

Unaware of her husband's current feathered predicament, a still sleep-deprived Eddie woke up in the mid-afternoon after having forced herself into bed once arriving home for a minimum of four hours of restless shuteye. The unexpected arrival of the little bean had really thrown her body for a hormonal loop the past few weeks as baby Reagan announced its unmistakable presence and asserted early control over their lives, and she constantly vacillated between swinging emotions, pure exhaustion and a complete aversion to all food at dinner time, particularly if it was previously considered yummy... like meat. Figures Jamie's little freeloader would have her resorting to life on a bunny assortment of salad greens and fresh vegetables already, she sighed. All the doctor had told her so far was that despite her body's strong reaction, everything appeared to be on track for a very healthy singleton pregnancy, confirmed by an ultrasound already which was frankly all that mattered to anyone, and that should be further verified at her next appointment with a follow up detailed study in about three weeks.

As if to prove a further point, she instantly burst into tears at the sight of Kaylin's lunchbox sitting forgotten on the counter before a glance at her phone showed a message from her husband letting her know that the little girl's needs were taken care of and not to worry about it.

And Jamie wondered why she kept putting off having the little talk with her mother. At first it had been all too new… too selfishly exciting to think about without the need to wreck that euphoria with a few crass words from her mother… even the supposed new and improved Eva 2.0 version after their fallout and subsequent reconciliation at the wedding, but now that it was really real and the bean appeared already to have the upper hand, she had so many fears and doubts about whether she was ready, not to mention the adjustment in the expectations for her own career as there would be no opportunity now to earn that gold badge first… it was too easy to justify putting off that conversation with Momma Janko in her mind until this point at which Jamie had threatened to drive up to Rochester himself next weekend and do the deed alone if necessary.

"Edit Katalin Reagan," he had finally huffed in frustration after making his stand the other night while they were getting ready for bed. "You can't just not tell her and have her be the only one. That's not fair, Ed. She needs to know before this child is ready to enroll in preschool and we shouldn't wait much longer to explain this to Kaylin! She's already asking questions!"

Indeed. Even before last night when she had been informed of her mother's plans for a surprise trip to the city for the holiday and her expected arrival early tomorrow morning, Eddie acknowledged that it was finally time Eva was told about her newest unoka although she was able to get Jamie to agree to hold off on any sort of serious discussion with Kaylin until they were at least through the first trimester in case the unthinkable might happen and she would suffer a miscarriage… the odds on that were greatly reduced after the twelfth week.

So it was with that nervous anticipation that Eddie resolved herself to spend the rest of the afternoon straightening up and doing some light housework in preparation for the incoming uncomfortable visit from Rochester. How would he mother react to the news and the truth that Eddie had chosen to keep it from her until now while the rest of the Reagan family had been informed… well in actuality, had guessed so early on… yes, she would lead with that if pressed and throw him under the bus if necessary. It was Jamie's fault with that terrible poker face he possessed, otherwise they would have kept the lid on this for everyone. Satisfied with that plan, Eddie made her way over to the sink in the kitchen and reached down to open the cabinet to pull out the bucket and cleaning supplies stored underneath it and was immediately greeted with a gush of water to her feet.

"Oh no!" she wailed as it soaked her socks and the throw rug. Close observation revealed a tiny spraying pinhole in the copper pipe leading up to the old faucet. At that rate it must have been leaking for hours… filling up the plastic storage trays underneath before finally overflowing and leaving a now increasingly big mess in her kitchen on the eve of Eva's arrival of all times. "Crap!" Eddie sighed as what she was versed in about plumbing couldn't fill… well anything as Jamie never failed to remind her. She knew absolutely nothing about pipes or faucets or what to do with them when something went wrong except for one critical fact… her daily afternoon sickness and her mother's impending visit made a functioning water system in the home an absolute necessity. She whipped out her phone and dialed Jamie's cell in a panic, cursing when it went directly to voicemail even though she knew he was on duty. Undeterred, she sent a 119 text to him… Reagan family code for drop everything and call immediately… while she ran for some towels and the mop to sop up the growing mess.

Jamie had just about solved his own flooding crisis on the street before that message came in as the fire department had finally been allowed close enough to the scene to get the damaged hydrant turned off as in a genius move he had directed his officers and willing bystanders to form walking corral panels with yellow emergency tarps stretched out between them and had slowly and methodically rounded up and cornered the whole flock of unsettled big birds together in a stairwell up against one of the buildings and he watched in relief as animal control was moving to transfer them back into their individual pens with blessed minimal fanfare, especially in this day and age of cell phone cameras and videos. Apparently the group consisted of the grand prize winners at several prestigious upstate county fairs and had been sent down to the city via flatbed truck to represent the state's agricultural commission on a float in the Thanksgiving Day parade. It was a great relief to see that it looked like all would be able to fulfill their appointed mission now and he was off the hook for that major multiple instate agency farmer vs. Peta vs. NYPD brouhaha if things had gone bad here on live television. That was about the last thing he wanted to see added to his pile of personal exposés from the Post since his name always drew increased attention and scrutiny. A quick check on the drivers had found all to be suffering from only minor injuries, and now that the water had been turned off and the feathered threat removed, they were receiving medical attention and offering insurance information and explanations to his officers as the dreaded necessary paperwork began in triplicate while tow trucks moved in to pick up the physical mess and open the busy street back up.

Truly though, what Jamison Reagan did not need at that very moment was another crisis to attend to, but with Eddie pregnant there was added reason of course to worry now so he answered that 119 immediately with his heart in his throat expecting the worse.

"Eddie!" he demanded as she picked up on the other end. "Honey, are you alright? Is it the baby?! What's the matter?!"

"The water pipe broke!" she sobbed back almost indistinguishably as he stood on the busy, noisy street.

"WHAT?! YOUR WATER BROKE?!" he gasped in a panic, not even pausing to wonder how that was even possible at this point as she was only about nine weeks along. "Call a bus! I'll meet you…"

"No, not that water, Harvard!" she clarified as she snapped over from dismay to annoyance in the blink of an eye. "The water pipe under the sink! It's leaking all over the kitchen floor! I don't know what to do plus my MOTHER is coming tomorrow and you have my car!"

"Oh, Jeez… suzzz," he drawled out painfully in relief while trying to cover himself while the driver from the small compact car approached him… a tiny little gray-haired nun... and he remembered his parochial school commandment of not taking the name of the Lord thy God in vain. "Listen, Ed, I'm at an accident scene," he explained as suddenly there was a major kerfuffle to the side as the country-boy driver of the truck and the thousand dollar suit from the crumpled Mercedes got into it loudly on the sidewalk like... well, like they were ready to leap in with talons to peck or grasp the head off the other. "Looks like I'm gonna be home late until we get this cleared. Just go downstairs and turn the water off at the main shutoff valve and I'll see what I can do then."

"What about Kaylin?" she reminded, still fully situated in the over reactive range of her emotional palette. "I can't get her without a car and Mrs. Spira at the daycare reminded us that they are closing early all week because they are short staffed with the holiday! And how are you going to fix the sink in time for tomorrow?!"

"Pardon me, I'll be with you in just one second, Sister… um, Agnes," Jamie offered to the impatient-looking nun as he read her nameplate while holding the phone away from his ear; no need at the moment to listen closely as Eddie's added volume was coming through clear as a bell. "Ed, honey, I need to go back to work now. I'll call Danny and ask him to get Kaylin after work and drop her off, okay? I'll give him the code for the car to get the seat out and he was headed to Dad's to watch the game tonight, anyway. He'll take a look at the pipe while he's there so I know what I need to pick up to fix it. This is not a crisis, lambchop."

"It is when you're standing here in wet socks, Jamison Reagan!" she spat back before he silenced her abruptly by clicking the end button so he could address his full attention to the matter at hand. He only wished he could do the same for his stomach which was now rumbling loudly; still on empty for the day.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Reagan, but neither one of those men over there are being truthful in their admissions!" she insisted indignantly as she wagged her finger at them. "I witnessed the entire incident and I wish to make a full report, not just exchange insurance numbers as that other officer asked!" she added vehemently. "They caused me to damage church property! The Bishop is going to want a full accounting! This will not be rolled under the rug or I will speak to your superior!"

"Of course, ma'am," he attempted to mollify her as she also had her dander up, but at the moment his first priority was to get the scene cleared and the street back open before it caused rush hour gridlock in short order. "Sister, your car is going to need to be towed since there is damage to the radiator. Why don't you have a seat in my squad while we arrange for that and I'll take you back to my office at precinct so we can sit down somewhere quiet and I will take your report personally."

"I will not ride in the back like a common criminal, Sergeant Reagan!" she huffed.

"Understood; please sit up front here and I will be back in a few minutes after I have a word with my officers," Jamie offered with his most penitent voice as he opened the door for her and made sure she was settled comfortably before pulling out his phone once more as he headed over to alert Annabel to his pending departure and hand the scene over to Patterson. No need to have the Archdiocese added to the fray which would certainly beeline this directly to his father's desk as he had a regular standing monthly lunch invitation with that aforementioned Bishop. The politics of this job were sometimes mind-boggling, he thought ruefully as he waited for his brother to pick up the phone.

"Reagan," came the expected gruff reply with just a smack of amusement behind the tone.

"Hey, Danny it's me," Jamie offered. "I'm hung up at work and need to take a witness statement. Could you run over to the 3-5 after shift and pick up Kaylin at daycare and take her back to our house in Bay Ridge with you? I have Eddie's car since mine's in the shop and it's got that fancy-schmancy CarPlay remote entry stuff. I'll shoot you the app and the code and you can use it to open the doors to get in for her car seat."

"Sure thing, Hollywood. I'm just leaving now," Danny offered back with a snicker as with one word he made it abundantly clear that he knew exactly what his little brother had been occupied with on his call. The New York One broadcast had been breaking in with live updates from the scene on the big screen in the 5-4 for the last hour much to the hilarity of the whole squad of detectives there. "Smart money was on that white male with the big gazongas eyeing you up. Pop wants to know if he'll even fit on his Eleanor Roosevelt turkey platter," he chuckled. "Kid, you're so effing lucky that didn't go upside down six ways from Sunday. Dad must have been sweating it out up in the big office. Better you than me; I would have just popped them all and invited everyone over for dinner."

"Funny, ha ha. Always assume you're being filmed, right?"

"No, you're the one that always seems to wind up on camera," Danny asserted. "Smart detectives like me know how to avoid getting caught up in things like that. It's an art form."

"That so," Jamie mused as he watched the disagreement continue to escalate between the other two drivers as all three of his officers were now involved in trying to settle the men. "Some day that comment is gonna come back and bite you, big brother. Listen, I gotta go put a stop to some road rage before that turns into a sound bite too. I don't know what's gotten into everyone today. Eddie called a few minutes ago all wound up about a leak under the kitchen sink. Would you mind taking a look while you're there and letting me know what I need to get to fix it? Her mother is coming in tomorrow so she's on the warpath, plus the hormones, man… I gotta tell you she scares me sometimes now and late afternoon is the worst. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Yeah, I remember those days with Linda… no problem I'll see what I can do," Danny agreed as he grabbed his coat. After the summer's collusion with Eddie at the house during the whole Quinlan fiasco and separation from Linda, he was more than happy to put a little extra effort into helping out his new sister-in-law and family confidant. "I'll stop at the house after I get Kaylin and pick up that big plumbing toolbox Dad keeps downstairs. He's probably got everything in there you need to handle this."

"Great, I'll owe you."

"Yes you will, and I like beer."

"Noted, Detective."

More than an hour later, Jamie had finally pacified Sister Agnes with a full report detailing the actions of the other two drivers, and he left her nursing a cup of tea in his office while he filed his paperwork to close out the shift at the 3-5's front desk where he ran into Renzulli who was doing likewise.

"Nice job out there on Wilshire," his Lieutenant chuckled as he clocked out after Jamie thanked him for taking care of Kaylin at lunchtime. "Reminded me a little of Alice and that pig she was walking around on a leash a few years back. We don't get too many livestock calls. You done for the night?"

"Almost," Jamie sighed as he had finally quelled his hunger somewhat with a bag of pretzels from the vending machine. "I promised the Sister I'd drive her home to Staten Island since she said she has some important meetings tonight and doesn't have another ride… I'm not gonna ask her to take the bus."

Renzulli let out a slow whistle. "Forty-five minutes on a good day over the FDR and half hour back to Bay Ridge, Harvard. You're really racking up those choir boy points. You looking to get out of the house already after being married just a couple of months or do ya got something you need to confess?" he kidded.

"Actually Danny's at home with Eddie right now trying to fix a leaky pipe," he admitted. "I thought about having him take her back, but my brother and nuns… let's say it brings back flashbacks of rulers," he grinned. "He avoids them like the plague. I'm better off doing this one on my own. They say no good deed goes unpunished though... but maybe God will have mercy on my soul for the next few days this time," he sighed before adding the required explanation. "Mrs. Janko is coming in tomorrow to stay with us through the weekend and Eddie hasn't told her about the baby yet."

"Oh, 'nuff said," Renzulli retorted with a sympathetic eye towards his old boot as he had seen Eva up close and personal at the wedding and could read the reason behind that angst clearly. "I'm sure you could get takers for those two scheduled days off, you know… if you decide you need an excuse to leave. Call me, I can make it sound like an emergency."

"I might just do that."


The second part of our two-shot wraps up tomorrow with an eventful drive over the FDR for Jamie and Sister Agnes as an excited Kaylin instigates a memorable video call with mommy's phone while Eddie and Danny are so consumed with fixing that pipe together they might not realize exactly how their little conversation will come off sounding to a mortified husband and a judgemental nun who are trapped together listening to it.