"Where are we going?" I ask once we start walking down the street.

"To my place."

We don't say anything to each other as we walk. I was expecting a worst reaction from him. I'm still trying to pull myself together, and Lucas almost seems unfazed by it. Maybe it hasn't completely sunk in yet.

As we get closer, I start to notice the street we are on. We keep walking and soon we are standing in front of the house I dreamt about living in with Lucas. The house that I thought would be perfect to live in when we decided to get married and start a family.

It's a light blue town house with a white door. It has a small patio that I would picture myself sitting with a warm drink watching the rain. I've never been inside, but I peeked through the windows. It had a brick fireplace and a garden seat that was by the front window, so even if it was too cold to sit on the patio I could sit there and watch the rain. It was perfect.

"Lucas, what are we doing here?"

"Th-this is my house."

"Why? Why would you do this? Why would you bring me here?"

"If I ever seen you again, I wanted to show you to know that I never gave up on you, on us." I blink a couple of time to push the tears back that were forming in my eyes. "Do you want to come in?" I look up at him and then look back down before I nod my head. "C'mon." He pulls me up the stairs leading to the front door.

He unlocks the door and walks inside, I hover by the front door a little longer before I follow him inside. I take a look around, and it's almost like I pictured everything would be. It has a very homey feeling to it. My first instinct is to look around, but I don't. I think he needs a chance to talk. It was mostly me telling him what happened, and I can feel a mixture of sadness and rage radiating off of Lucas.

I take a seat on the charcoal gray sectional. I expect him to take the spot next to me, but he doesn't. Instead, he paces in front of me. "Say whatever it is that you're thinking." I play with my hands. "I know you must hate me right now."

Lucas squats down in front of me. He takes my hand in his, "I could never hurt you. It's the opposite of what I feel for you Riley," tears start to build in my eyes. "But I'm mad right now. I'm furious!" he lets go of my hands and stands up.

"You disappear for years. Years, Riley! I have no idea where you went, but you write letters to my best friend! I thought the worst thing was you leaving, but you turn to someone that isn't me. That's one thing we have always prided ourselves on, is that we were able to talk to each other!" He takes a deep breath, "Now you tell me I had a daughter. A daughter I'll never get to meet because you took that from me!" His tone sent a shiver down my spine. I look up and I see his glass over with tears. "We could have been a family."

I shake my head, "No we couldn't have been. She would have still gotten sick and she would have still died if I was here. I saved you from heart ache."

"You think you saved me from heartache?! Riley, my heart has hurt every single day you have been gone," he shouts.

"I'm sorry," I say so I'm barely heard.

"I know you are," he finally takes the seat next to me. "I want to be mad at you, Riley. I really do. I want to yell at you for keeping this from me. I want to yell at you for leaving," he has tears in eyes that I can barely see through mine, "but honestly I'm just so happy that you are here. Right in front of me."

He grabs my face in between his hands, "I can see you, and not in my dreams," his green eyes look into my soul.

"I can touch you," he wipes the tears with his thump and I do the same to him.

"I can easily kiss you," he slowly moves his lips closer to mine. His lips are so close I can feel them lightly brush against mine.

"I don't think we should," I whisper, "I'm leaving tomorrow, Lucas."

"So don't go, stay with me."

I look into his eyes, and I know he is serious. I want to stay, but I can't. I just can't. "Lucas, I-I-I can't." I feel his hand leave my face and watch as he drops his head in defeat. "I started a life there. I can't just drop everything no matter how much I want to. Something will always drag me back there."

"I understand," he clears his throat to cover the cracks in his voice, "Just know, I'm not giving up on you Riley Matthews."

Silence fills the room, before he speaks again.

"Riley, how did you cope with losing Hope?" he asks at a whisper I barely hear.

I cough to clear my throat, "I, uh, I started drinking heavily to numb myself. Something I'm not proud of."

"I thought so." I cock my head to the side as I look at him, "I see how much you drank tonight, but you weren't drunk."

I shrug my shoulders, "Oh. I guess I built up a tolerance."

After that, we stay quiet for a while. Neither one of was uttering a single word, just enjoying each other's presence. I missed being this close to him. I almost forgot the amount of comfort that overcomes me whenever he is in the same room as me.

When we finally decide to speak, it's almost like our ability to talk to each other came back naturally. Yes, we've been talking all night, but this was different. This wasn't me sharing things with him because I felt obligated to tell him. This was actually conversation.

We catch up on the last five years that we miss out on each other's lives. He tells me about his late start to A&M and how he eventually transferred here to Cornell. He just told me he needed to be back home, but thanks to my dad I know the real reason. He tells me about his mom, Laura, and how she moved back to Texas when he went to A&M to stay close to him, but stayed to help Pappy Joe with the ranch.

When he tells me about his job that he has at a clinic here in New York, he talks about the many animals he helped. I can hear the passion in his voice. I see the smile that consumes his face when he talks opening his own practice. I'm just so proud that he did it. He became a veterinarian.

When it's my turn, I try to be short with everything. He knows what he needed to know. I didn't tell him about never finishing college. I made such a big deal out of it continuing your education after high school, I felt like a hypocrite for dropping out.

I tell him out my job, but I lie a little. I tell him that I work for a company, but my main job is making sure the website is always updated. At least he bought it, I'm guessing Farkle never told him about my website. I was a little disappointed. I'm surprised Farkle hasn't figured out what my alias was. If he did, he would have found me by now.

He asks about my personal life, but all I tell him is that I don't really have much of one because I drown myself in work. Which is true.

More silence fills the air, but it isn't an uncomfortable silence. It was a nice silence. I was enjoying it, until he decided to talk.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but talk to Maya," I scoff. "Riley, she misses you. I know you miss her too. She beat herself up constantly for doing what she did. After prom, you completely shut us out."

"You both hurt me! I felt betrayed Lucas." I look down at my hands, "But the thing is Lucas, I forgave you the minute I got home and it terrified me. How could I forgive you after you let her kiss you!? It was simple. I'd do anything to have you in my life. If I would have stayed I would have acted like nothing had happened and it would have eaten at me."

"You need to know why Maya did what she did." I shake my head. "You do, Riley. It's my turn to tell you something you deserve to know. You won't like it, but you need to know," he looks at me, but I avoid his gaze. "I need you to know."

His phone starts to ring, "I have to take this, I'll be right back." I nod, and he walks into the next room.

How did I end up here? In Lucas' house, a house that we talked about living in together. This was mine no, our dream home and here he is living in it alone. Hoping one day that I would come back. I don't think I ever will though. This isn't my home anymore. My home is Seattle. New York is just a place I grew up.

He walks in clearing his throat, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

He takes the seat right next to me. I can feel my heart racing. The reason Maya did what she did is going to be known to me. He takes a deep breath, "You remember when my dad left me and my mom in the beginning of senior year." I nod, "Their marriage started to fall apart after Olivia died." I see him choke back tears. "It was hard at first, you remember. I saw my mom struggling to pay bills. I told her I would get a job, but she said no. She wanted me to focus on school maintain my grades, so I wouldn't lose my scholarship. I let her do it her way, until that February. I don't know if you remember, but-"

I cut him off, "I remember. You were pulling away from everyone especially me. At least that's what it felt like, it felt like I was losing you. I thought you were finally realized that I wasn't good enough for you."

"Riley, if anything you have always been too good for me." He goes quiet for a minute, and I avoid his gaze.

He clears his throat, "My mom was behind on the mortgage. We were going to lose. I didn't think it was a big deal at first. It was just me and my mom, so it made sense to move into a smaller house. It wasn't the house that my mom was having a hard time leaving, it was the memories. The last memories with Olivia," I see Lucas' bottom lip quiver.

It's instinctive to reach over and place a comforting hand on his knee, "You don't have to tell me."

"I do. I got into some pretty bad stuff. Some stuff that I wish I never gotten involved in, but I did." He hesitates a little before continuing, "Do you remember prom night, how people kept coming up to me?" I nod, "They were coming to me for a reason." He takes a deep breath, "I was dealing, Riley," he avoids my eyes.

"What?"

"I was dealing. Pills, weed, and sometimes a little more hardcore drugs," he turns to meets my eyes, but I look straight ahead. "I wasn't thinking. All I was thinking at the time was saving the house. I couldn't hear my mom cry herself to sleep every night anymore."

"Why didn't you just get a job? Wouldn't that have been the logical thing to do."

"You don't think I know that," he shouts and I shift uncomfortably, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He takes a deep breath, "A part time job working a couple of hours after school wasn't going to help. I just wanted to help my mom." Silence. "I was doing that for a couple of months. I told myself once I helped my mom catch up with the mortgage I would get out, so at the beginning of May when that happened I was relieved. I told my supplier I was done, he didn't really like that." I see Lucas clench his fist, "Maya was coming over one day after school to help me with my art final, and uh when we got to my house the front door was open. My house was thrashed."

I look at him, but he refuses to look at me. "When we got inside, I thought we were alone but we weren't. I heard someone coming does the stairs, and I push Maya into a closet. I wasn't going to let whoever did this get away." I watch as he closes his eyes, "I should have known when I told him I wanted out that there was going to be trouble to follow. He slammed me against the door of the closet that Maya was in my neck," he gulped. "He-he pulls out a gun, cocks it and puts it to my head and tells me I stop when he says I stop. I have never been that scared in my life."

I can't help the tears that form in my eyes. He clears his throat, "I wait a few minutes after he's gone to get Maya out of the closet and tell her to leave, but you know Maya. She wasn't going to go without an explanation. I tried to be lie, but she wasn't believing any of it. I tried to be as vague as I could, but she wanted to truth. So I told her parts, that I was dealing and I was getting out and the person that was there was just a misunderstanding. I promised her I was getting out, but-"

I cut him off, "You didn't, did you? That's why she did what she did, isn't it?"

He nods, "On prom night, I was in the hallway with some of our classmates at the time. Maya saw what I was doing. She didn't understand that I didn't have a choice." I hear the agitation grow in his voice, "I had to put my life on hold. I couldn't even go straight to college because I had to find a way out of the mess I got myself involved in."

"You could have told me; you know?"

He scoffs, "I couldn't. I didn't want you to think any less of me. I did it to help my mom, not because I wanted to." He locks eyes with me, "I really didn't want to, Riley."

There's a knock on the front door. He hesitates to get up for a second, "Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

He walks to the front door and my heart starts to fasten. Why would I be mad?

"Where is she?" I hear a voice calling from the front door and I immediately tense up. I don't look in the direction. I didn't want anyone, especially her to see me in such an emotional state.

The sound of footsteps starts to fill my eyes as they get closer, "You heard what I had to say, now I think it's time for you to listen to what Maya has wanted to tell you for five years."