My eyes move between Lucas, Maya and Zay. I'm pretty sure Maya was the one who called Lucas. Silence fills the air along with a thick layer of tension. I'm expected to just listen to her. I just told Lucas about the daughter he'll never get to meet, and he told me how he used to be a drug dealer. Sometimes you just have to know when you've had enough for one night.

I stand up, but they all move in sync to block me from moving to the front door. I feel trapped. My mouth feels dried. I need to get out of here, now.

"Can I get some water?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'll go-"

I cut Lucas off, "No, can I get it myself? I need a moment alone right now." I can feel all their eyes on me and I'm uncomfortable.

"Yeah. Kitchen is just that way," he says gesturing down the hallway.

I find my way into a kitchen and I stare at the backdoor that leads to the backyard. It'll be so easy to just leave, run away. I just heard what Lucas had to say. I can't handle anymore tonight.

I take a step towards the door. It's now or never, I can just sneak out. It'll be easy.

"Don't think about it, Sugar," I turn around and I see Zay standing there crossing his arms.

"Zay, please."

"No, I'm not going to let you run away. Just talk to me, you did at one point."

Tears start unleashing from my eyes, "I should have never come back Zay. It was a mistake. I need to get out of here." I push my way to the front door, but he pulls me back.

"What happened? Talk to me, Riley."

"Did you know he was selling drugs?!" I shout, but not too loud so Maya and Lucas don't hear.

"I knew, but not until Maya told me after what happened when she came home with him one day and-"

"And someone was here," he nods. "What am I supposed to do Zay? I ran away, it's what I'm good at now," I sob. I gesture to the direction of the living room, "Lucas is out there still wanting to be with me, and everything inside me is wanting to run into his arms." The tears don't stop.

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't forgive myself. Not for the chance I robbed him of. He never got to meet her," I can't see through my tears. I can barely catch my breath. "He never got to meet her, and it's my fault." I start hyperventilating, "it's my fault." My sobs are becoming uncontrollable. I try to shallow back my tears, "He'll never meet her and it's my fault."

Zay grabs my face, "Calm down, I'm right here, like I said I'll always be here." I try to stop crying; I can't it just softens. "Who will Lucas never meet?" he asks hesitantly.

I shake my head vigorously, "No one. I got to go Zay." He grabs my wrist and I look up at him with my puffy red eyes, "Let me go Zay."

"Maya needs to talk to you, and honestly you need to talk to her." I scoff wiping my face with the back of my hands. "I'm tired of seeing herself beat herself up. She still cries sometimes. Yes, I know what she did was-"

"Mindless, foolish, ridiculously stupid?"

"Yes all of those and then some, but c'mon you two were attached at the hip. You guys were Riley and Maya, Maya and Riley. She was your Peaches and you were her Riles. You're smiley Riley. You forgive."

I start laughing through my tears, "The thing is Zay, that isn't who I am anymore." I don't waste any time reaching for the door. Before I walk out, I turn around and see him move towards to the living room. "Zay," he turns around, "give me a minute before you run in there and tell them I'm running away. Please," I plead.

"Fine, go. You have one minute."

"Thank you, Zay."

"No problem Cotton Candy Face." I give him a small smile before hurrying out the door and out the back gate.

I try to get far away from his house, this house as fast as I can. The house that could have held so many memories. I hear my name being called out, but I don't turn around. I just pick up the pace, but that doesn't stop him from coming after me. I should have known that he wouldn't just let me leave.

"Riley!" he shouts. I start to run. "Riley you can't keep running away!" I don't listen I stop for a second to slip off my heels, but that only gives him an opportunity to catch up.

He gets his arms wrapped around me, "Lucas, please!" I wiggle my way out of his hold, "I can't take anything else tonight! It's two in the morning, and I am emotionally drained. I just want to go home."

"I'll take you to your parents' apartment then."

"No, Lucas. My home!"

"Oh."

"I'm leaving," I take a deep breath, "Yes, maybe I do need to hear what Maya has to say, but not tonight."

"Can I walk-"

I cut him off, "I want to say yes, but right now I just want to be alone. I need to be alone."

I see sadness consume his eyes, and I have to turn away. If I looked at him any longer, I would take him in my arms. I haven't seen him in years, but he has always been my weakness. Before I change my mind, I turn on my heels and walk away as fast as I can.

I don't know if I should be scared walking this late at night, or very early in the morning, but I'm not. My mind is too consumed with the thoughts of tonight. I'm still trying to process everything.

So much was said tonight is there even any moving forward from this. Secrets were kept, mostly on my part, and I thought that if I ever told him I would feel some type of weight lifted off my shoulders, but instead I feel even more guilt. How is that even possible?

I was so wrapped in my own mind that I'm standing in front of the apartment sooner than I want to be. I don't want to walk through the front door and possibly wake up my parents or Auggie. Get asked why I've been crying because I know my eyes are swollen. I can feel it. I can feel them stinging.

I choose not to go up through the front door, and instead I round the corner of the building. I'm standing in front of the fire escape, the one that will lead to my bedroom. The same one that everyone scaled. The same one that Lucas would go up late at night, so he could spend the night. The same one that Maya climbed when she was just a little girl and it led to us being best friends.

I shake my head of the memories and start to move up the fire escape. Just a couple more steps and I can go to sleep. I'm exhausted. I let out a sigh of relief when I find my window unlock. I climb through, and immediately strip myself of my short red sleeveless dress and slide an oversize t-shirt over my body.

"I just need to rest. Tomorrow is just going to be another long day," I whisper to myself as I grab my feet to my bed.

The sun shines through the windows waking me up as soon as it the light hits my eyes. I sit and rub my eyes. I don't want to be up right now, but I need to be. My flight leaves in a few hours and I need to tell my mom everything. No more secrets. Maybe if I make breakfast, it'll soft the blow.

I saunter my way into the kitchen, but to my surprise I see my mom already there. How is she up at eight in the morning, I'm surprised I'm even up. As I move closer, my heart beat quickens. I should tell her now. It'll be easier since we're alone, but no one will be here to be the mediator.

I clear my throat, "Goodmorning mom."

"Oh goodmorning honey," she says turning to look at me and then back to the stovetop. "I was going to wake you once I was done cooking."

"I was actually going to cook breakfast. Do you need any help?"

"No, but you can tell me where you disappeared to towards the end of the night?" she asks.

"I, uh, I kind of left with Lucas."

"Lucas as in Lucas Friar?" I hear the confusion in her voice.

I nod, "Yes Lucas Friar."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

I let out a sigh, "Actually mom, I need to tell you some things before I leave."

She looks at me, "Well, by the look on your face it seems serious."

"It kind of is. Well not kind of, it is."

I let out a deep breath. I'm ready to tell her, I think. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don't know how she is going to react, and that scares me. I need my dad here.

"Can-can you go wake up dad?" my voice cracks with nerves.

I see concern take over my mom's face, "Yeah sure. Just keep an eye on this please," she gestures to the pans on the stove. I nod my head.

I start to think about what exactly I'm going to tell her, but it's a lot harder than I think. I don't want her to be disappointed in me, but I think that is exactly what is going to happen. I was young when I got pregnant and I didn't even finish college. My mom and I made progress with each other this past week the last thing I want is for everything to go back to the way it was before. I want to be able to talk to my mom the way I talk to my dad. Footsteps descending down the stairs grab my attention.

"Your mom says you have something you want to tell us?" my dad says taking his seat at the head of the table. I turn around and I see that it's only my dad. I turn off the stove when I see that it's done cooking and place the pan off to the side. I move to take my usually seat.

"I'm going to tell her everything, and I needed you here," I whisper, and he reaches over and grabs my hand. Just breathe.

"We're both here, so what is it?" my mom says taking her seat across from me. I don't say anything, and the grip that my dad has on my hand tightens. Giving me a reassurance squeeze. My mom notices, "Cory what's wrong?"

His eyes move from my mom to me, "Riley, do you want me to tell her?" I shake my head.

"Mom," I look at her, "there is a lot you don't know. I mean a lot." I look at my dad, and he signals me to continue. "For starters the website I work for, it's actually mine."

"What do you mean yours?"

"It's mine, mom. I created it by accident."

"Are you telling me you dropped out of college to work on some website of yours? You were going to school to be a writer. A decision I wasn't proud of, but that's what you wanted to so I tried to-"

My dad cuts her off, "Topanga, let her explain please."

"What is there to explain? If she would have finished-"

Now it was my turn to interrupt her, "No, mom I didn't finish college but in a way I did become a writer. No I'm not writing novels the way I wanted to, maybe one day, but I am writing. I have my own website that I originally used it as a public diary I guess you can say. It started to generate a lot of traffic. People asking me for advice. I explained this to dad," I gesture to him.

"Wait, Cory you knew?" she turns her attention to him and he throws his hand up in surrender.

"He found out by accident."

"Your website what's it called? When did you start it?"

"HopeInTheSky," I say with a hint of sadness in my voice because I know what I'm going to tell her next, "I started it the beginning of my sophomore year. I didn't-"

"So, you dropped out to focus on it? Is it even successful?" she cuts me off.

"Topanga!" my dad says a little too loud, "Just let her explain. Listen."

"Thank you," I whisper in the direction of my dad. "It is successful, very actually. I didn't drop out of college to focus on it. I dropped out for another reason."

"Well why? Why did you drop out? I thought you liked it. You always seemed happy whenever we talked, even when we-"

"Stop!" I shout. "I hated it, every single moment mom. But how could anyone tell, I was always good at hiding how I really felt right?" I take a deep breath, "When I left mom, I was pregnant."

"You were what?!" she practically yells.

I cough to clear my throat, "I was pregnant." My mom opens her mouth, but I continue. "I was pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. She was beautiful."

"Was?"

I look up to keep my tears back, "Yes was. She died."

My mom looks at me with disbelief. I tell her everything that happens. How I gave her up for an open adoption to Michael and Jessica. How we found out she had leukemia and how I felt when I couldn't save her when I was her last option. My dad knew some things to a certain extent because of the website, but now he knew everything to detail.

Both of them had made their way to me and held me as I sobbed. My dad wipes my tears away and my mom runs her fingers through my hair. I can tell both of them are trying to keep it together right now for me. They were both hurt that I felt like I couldn't come to them. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell them, it was if I did I would want to come home, and I couldn't because I wasn't ready. No matter how much I wanted to.

"What was her name? You've avoid it," my mom asks.

I tend to do that. I guess it makes it easier to talk about. I choke back my tears, "Hope Olivia Matthews."

"Hope? You're website."

I nod, "Yeah. I knew that's where she was going to be one day. I wanted to hang on to her and believe that it would be okay in the end," tears start to build up, "but I knew what was to come. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I know it's my fault," I wipe the few tears that fell. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," my mom says pulling me closer to her. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone." She takes my face in her hands, "No more secrets, Riley."

"I promise."

"I love you." She gestures to herself and my dad, "We both love you."

"I love the both of you," I drape my arms across the both of them and tighten my grip.

We sit there on the bench with me squeezed in the middle of them. It would be easy to come back, but like I said before my life now is in Seattle. We stay there for a little longer talking about any possible thing I might have kept from them, but it isn't anything serious or big.

I have a couple of hours before I have to leave for airport. There is something that I have to do before I go. I need to do it even though I don't want to.

I pull myself away from parents and held up the stairs to my bedroom. I don't really have time to get all dressed up, so I slip on a pair of jeans I find laying on the floor and a baseball t-shirt with white shoes. I hurry to bush my hair and teeth.

When I go downstairs, both my parents give me a look of confusion.

"Where are you going?" my dad asks.

"I'll be back before my flight so I can say bye. I'm doing something I need to do."

I head out the front door and rush to the subway. I need to hurry and get there before I change my mind. I need this.

On the subway, a million things are running through my head until I see a young couple. They are laughing with each other. Stealing glances at each other. The love that beams from his eyes when he looks at her, and the smile that fills her face when she catches him staring. It makes my heart feel warm.

My attention gets pulled away when I notice I'm at the stop I need to get off at. I walk out the subway and walk up the stairs. My heart starts to fasten with each step I take. I know it's because of the nerves.

It'll be fine. I hope so. I'm doing the right thing. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. I just need to get through this and I'll be far away from this all. The sight of the apartment building that I visited tons of times makes everything real. I hesitate a little before I continue to walk. Each step and I'm second guessing my decision. When I finally decide to turn around, it's too late because I already knocked on the door without realizing it.

The door crack opens, "Riley?"

"Hi Maya," I clear my throat. "I was hoping to find you here. I wasn't sure where to find you. I'm ready to listen."

She opens the door wider, "Come in, please."