Just like when I arrived in New York, no one was there waiting for me. Sometimes the life I built for myself can be a bit lonely, but I try not to focus on that. I've met some pretty amazing people; I just don't have the people I want most in my life. Not at the moment anyways.
After I get my luggage, I go outside and wait until I can get a cab. While I wait I turn on my phone. Two missed calls from my dad and three from my mom, along with several text messages from the both of them and Auggie.
Dad
You left without saying bye?! My heart!He is always so dramatic. I can picture him not clutching his hands to his chest, faking a heart attack.
So, I might or might not have told Lucas where you were. My eyes go wide, is he serious?!
Okay, I didn't! Wipe that look off your face. Call when you land, so I know you're safe. I love you.
PS Maybe consider letting Lucas have this number. He misses you, and the fact that you didn't come in because he was here, only says that you had to avoid him because he could get you to stay. I'm your father, I know everything.
I roll my eyes and move on to my mom's messages.
Mom
Riley Anne Matthews! She's mad, she only uses my full name when she is mad.
I understand you didn't want to see Lucas, but you couldn't have called and I would have gone outside. She does know he would have followed her, right?
Call me or your father when you land. We also have to discuss Thanksgiving. I love you. Have a safe flight.
She sounds too calm, just wait until I call her. Auggie now.
Aug
Just warning u mom & dad are mad u left without a word
I cant wait 2 come up for Thanksgiving mom said I can go 4 the whole week! Hope u had a safe flight text me when u land and call mom or dad
I was about to call my dad because I thought maybe he would be more manageable compared to my mom, but a cab was available and I rushed to it. I'll just call when I get home.
In the cab, I was still trying to process everything that had occurred just in the past few days. I have forty-five minutes to wrap my mind around everything. I look out the window taking in the scenery it different from here than in New York. It starts to change the closer we get to my house, the buildings become less frequent and homes become more common surrounded by trees.
The closer we get to my house I start to grow anxious of the realization that I'll be alone, and right now that is something I don't want. So, when the taxi driver drops me off I go inside my house and drop off my luggage and grab my keys.
Where I'm going is about a twenty-minute drive from my house. The location of my house isn't the best, but I searched high and low for it. As soon as I seen it, I knew this was the home for me. It was the first big purchase I made once my website took off, but the drive to and from places can sometimes be a little inconvenient. I won't move though.
I'm going to the only place that has provided me with any comfort for the past years. The closer I get I can feel myself become more at ease. I pull into the gate and park off to the side. I turn off the car look out the window and I feel the heaviness in my heart. I take a deep breath and walk out.
Each step I take I can see it, not that I need to read it I have it embedded in my head.
Hope Olivia Matthews
January 7, 2021 – October 12, 2021
She'll Be Deeply Missed, But Forever Loved
Rest in Paradise my Beautiful Angel
I sit down in front of her grave marker and brush all the leaves that have fallen on it. I straighten out the lilies that I bought her right before I left, I'm surprise they are still hanging in there. I run my fingers across the engraved lettering wishing she was still here. This is the reason I can't leave Seattle because I wouldn't be able to take her with me. I try to choke back the tears. I've done a lot of crying this past week.
"Hey baby girl. It's me," I whisper. "So, I went to go visit your grandparents this weekend. They know about you, now, along with your uncle. I should have told them about you while you were still here." I wipe the single tear that escaped. "This week was kind of grueling." I hesitate, I feel guilt wash through me. "I told another person about you." I try my best to hold back the tears, "Your daddy." But to no success a few more tears make their way down my cheek that I quickly wipe away. "I'm so sorry baby girl. I kept you from him all because I wasn't ready to let him back in. It was selfish of me."
I sit there silently, constantly brushing at my tear stained cheeks because tears seem to keep fighting their way through. I proceed to talk about my week in New York. I talk about the improvements in my relationship with mom, the talk Lucas and I had, and how Maya and I are going to try to move on from the past. I always find comfort in coming here and talking about anything I need to say out loud.
"I love you, Hope." I let out a small sigh, "Keeping people from your life and falling love with you the way I did was one of the worst mistakes in my life."
I'm startled by a hand being placed on my shoulder. I must have been so lost in the serenity that I didn't hear them sneak behind me. I snap my head up and I see a blue eyed brunette standing there.
"Hey Jessica." I say pulling my gaze back to the grave marker wanting to hide my face.
She takes a seat next to me, "When I didn't get a call from you when you got back. I was a little worried especially when you didn't answer your phone. I knew I'd find you here. This is the first place you go when you come back."
I still don't look at her, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." I take a deep breath, "I told them about her, my parents." I pause, "and Lucas. I hadn't seen him in years, and he had a right to know he had a daughter even though she is no longer here." With my peripheral vision I see her head drop a little. "I'm sorry, I know in the end she was-"
Jessica cuts me off, "No, Riley she was your daughter. I loved her like she was my own, but she was always yours. I knew the moment I seen you with her, you had the look of a mother."
I wipe the tears that had fallen, "She is the only person besides Lucas who I truly deeply loved. She'll always have a place in my heart. Some days are easier than others."
"I know sweetie." She drapes an arm around me and gives me a gentle squeeze.
"Thank you for everything that you and Michael have done for me. I don't know where I would be without either one of you." I say placing my head on her shoulder.
She lets out a light laugh followed by a sigh, "Riley, you came into our lives and you were a blessing. I know you have your parents, but you and Hope are the closest me and Michael got to having a daughter. But we were blessed with a beautiful boy."
A year after Hope passed away, they decided to adopt. They were both a little reluctant to tell me at first, but I was happy for them. They wanted to a family. I remember the day they got a call from the adoption agency about a five-year-old little boy, whose name is Nathan. Jessica and Michael both cried tears of joy as they held each other. They were going to be parents, something they both wanted to be so badly. It was truly a moment that I will forever remember.
I smile, "He was blessed with amazing parents. I was lucky enough to have parents away from home." Throughout the time that I've known both Jessica and Michael we have become extremely close. I tell Jessica everything. Sometimes I felt like I had a better relationship with Jessica, than I did with my own mother.
"Speaking of parents. Mine are going to be coming for Thanksgiving. I would love it if you, Michael and Nathan came. You can finally meet my family."
"We would love to! We get to finally meet the people who are responsible for creating such an amazing person." The smile never leaves my face.
My phone starts to ring I pull it out both Jessica and I look at it. "I'm guessing you forgot to call them and tell them you landed safely." I nodded. She slowly starts to rise and I follow suit. "Well I'll leave you to it. You stop by whenever, we missed you."
"I will." I give her a quick hug and wait until she is a few steps away before I answer the phone.
Hello? Please don't be mad.
It's been almost two hours since your plane landed, and you didn't call! My mom shouts from the other end.
I'm sorry. I was going to, but then the taxi came and you know I hate talking on the phone in the cab.
Next time you need to call. You had your father and I worried and Auggie!
I promise it won't happen again. I know how worried you both get. Anyways, Auggie told you about Thanksgiving. It's a little less than a month away. I try to divert the conversation.
Yes, he told us. Let's see how you'll handle hosting your first holiday. Do you need any help? I hear her chuckling on her end of the call.
I've got it all handled. I'm excited! I also invited people I want you guys to meet.
We can't wait!
Neither can I. I start to hear what I think is my dad shouting in the background. He can sometimes be a little dramatic. Mom I have to go. I have a few things I need to do before work tomorrow. Tell dad to calm down. I'm fine. I love you guys.
We love you too. And with that I hang up the phone
I look down at the grave marker one last time before I start to head to my car. Once I get to it I look at the time, it's barely going to be seven and I'm already exhausted, must be the time difference. I just want to lay in my bed curled up into a blanket.
A week and a half goes by, and I go back to my usually schedule. Work, work and more work. It's actually where I'm sitting right now staring at my open laptop. I don't have much of a social life out of this office, my choice, and to be honest it doesn't bother me. I think it's because I use it as a distraction to keep myself from thinking about everything and everyone I'm missing.
I talk to my parents every day, and Auggie and I send at least a few text messages to each other every day. I haven't talked to Lucas, Maya, Zay, Farkle, or Smackle. I didn't think I would once I left, but I never realized how much I really miss them. I told Maya I would try, but that is the opposite of what I'm doing. I didn't even get much of a chance to talk to Farkle and Smackle while I was there.
A knock on my office door grabs my attention, "Hey we're going out for drink, do you want to come?" Evan one of my employees ask.
"No I'm okay. I'm just going to stay here and finish this up." I say gesturing to the work in front of me.
"Are you sure? I mean I can stay with you so you aren't alone. It's getting late. We can count is as a date, you know the one you keep turning down." A smirk plays on his lips.
He has always been persistent. It's not that he isn't good looking because he is. He has brunette hair with green blue eyes. He's really nice, but I'm just not interested probably because my heart is somewhere else.
I give a small smile back, "I'll be fine. You go out with the rest of them. Have fun."
He lets out a defeating sigh, "One day Riley Matthews you'll crack."
"Go have fun." I watch him walk out of my office and join the others and soon I'm the only one here.
Maybe I should have gone. They aren't just my employees; I consider them really good friends. We've all been together for the past few years, and with there only being six of us we are all pretty close.
The longer I sit here, the longer I start to think. The more thinking I do the more I start to miss everyone back in New York more than I already do. Before I know it, it's 7:30. I've been sitting here for hours just thinking and doing nothing. My work isn't done, and instead of trying to at least get something done, I decide to call in a night.
As I'm walking to my car, I pull out my phone out of habit just to have my phone in my hand in case I need it. But this time I want to call him, I hesitate for a second. I hope I'm making the right choice. I should just call him, if he moved back to New York for me he probably still has the save number in hopes of me calling, right? I move my fingers over the numbers, but I stop. I can't call him, instead I call someone else.
Riley, everything okay? It's almost eleven.
That's right! I'm sorry, it can wait until tomorrow.
If you are calling this late something is on you mind.
Should I call Lucas? I blurt out. I don't know if he still has the same number, but after all these years I can still remember it.
He has the same number.
Dad tell me what to do? I should call him right?
I'll give him your number. If you call him, you'll do it private. I don't say anything.
I'm right aren't I? I can practically hear the smile forming on his face.
It's late, not today. I'll let you go to sleep you, old man. I laugh. Goodnight, I love you. Tell mom and Aug I love them too.
Goodnight Riley, we love you too.
I hang up my phone. I don't really have to wait. I mean my dad did say his number is the same, but he is also right about the fact that I would call him private so I would be the one who could control when we talk. That's selfish, but I don't know how else to protect myself.
I get in my car, and lock the doors that I doo out of habit. I just sit in there for a minute before I decide to start it. The only good thing about leaving work so late is the traffic isn't bad, so it only takes me twenty to thirty minutes to get home.
The whole way there I'm trying to convince myself not to call Lucas. It'll be well after eleven too late to call. What if he is sleeping, it'll be rude to wake him. I pull into my driveway and I'm still fighting the urge to pick up my phone.
I put the car in park, turn it off and sigh before stepping out. I keep telling myself it's late I can't. As I'm walking to the front door, I'm fidgeting with my phone. It's what I want to do, I don't know why I'm fighting with myself so much. It's what we both want, so why am I being stubborn.
I get inside and toss my keys and purse on the table I have placed next to the front door. I'm going to do it. I take a deep breath and start putting in his number on my cell phone, but before I can finish my phone starts ringing.
I studied the number and it's identical to the number I was just about to call. I guess my dad didn't listen about waiting. Not that I'm surprise, he was always convinced that Lucas was the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Staring at my phone I question if I should really answer it. I'd regret it if I don't. I take a deep breath before I hit accept.
I don't say anything. I want to, but it's almost as if my mind forgot how to form words. Why is this so hard? Why am I nervous?
Riley?
I shallow the lump in my throat. Yeah it's me.
Hi. I can hear nerves in his voice with a smirk landing on his lips.
A smile spreads on mine. Hi.
Hey.
Even so far apart, everything just falls into place so naturally with him.
