I knew I missed Lucas, but I didn't understand the extent of it until I heard his voice last night. We talked for hours. Both of us were both a bit nervous at first, but it didn't last long. I did feel bad that we did stay up so late. It was only midnight my time, however, it was three his time. He said he didn't mind because he was able to hear my voice. So, I guess it wasn't much of a surprise when I woke up this morning to a text message from him.

Lucas

Goodmorning Riley! Talking to you last night about everything and nothing was something I really needed. I miss you.

I can't help the smile that strews across my lips

Me

Maybe tonight if I don't leave the work so late, we can talk again.

I press send and toss my phone on my bed. I move to my bathroom and start the shower, but before I can star undressing I hear my phone bing. It's like the teenage inside of me went off because I dash out of my bathroom and to the side of my bed.

Lucas

Doesn't matter what time, call me. Talking to you is the only way I'm okay with losing any sleep.

Throughout the day Lucas and I text each other. I don't know why I thought we would be able to wait till tonight to talk. I smile all day. He makes me happy, just talking to him for a few hours makes me feel like I have a piece of me that's been missing. It's different talking to him when I'm states away, no one is forcing me to talk to him or I don't feel forced. I'm doing it because I want to.

I decide to leave work early today for the first time in months, but I don't go home instead I go over to Michael and Jessica's house to surprise them. They call me almost every day to check in, but I haven't seen Michael or Nathan since before I left, and Jessica the day I got back.

Their house is beautiful. It's a two story light grey house with darker grey window shutters and a black window door. It sounds a little gloomy, but it fits Seattle weather. I walk down the walkway leading up to their door and ring the doorbell.

I'm greeted by a tall brunette with brown eyes.

"Riley!" He looks back to the stairs, "Nathan come down someone's here who you missed!" He shouts.

"Hey Michael!" I move in to give him a hug. "How have you guys been?"

"We've been great!"

"That's good to hear. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

"Don't worry about that. Jessica will be back soon with dinner. She didn't feel like cooking tonight," he chuckles. "You are staying for dinner."

"I don't want to-"

I get interrupted by a now eight-year-old Nathan running down the stair. "RILEY!" He practically yells. I turn my attention to the blonde hair light brown eyed boy.

"Hey little guy!" He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tight. He's gotten so tall, pretty soon he is going to tower over me.

"Nathan how about you go set the table." Michael says.

"But do I have to?" Nathan whines.

I can't help the quiet laugh that escapes my lips. "How about I go help you? Apparently I'm staying for dinner."

I see a smile that spreads across his face. He reminds me of Auggie when he was this age. Maybe that's why I get along with him so well.

Nathan and I move to the dining room table. I grab the plates and silverware, and he grabs cups and cloths. The both of us walk around the table placing the items for each person. He tells me about his pee wee football team and how he is excited for his game against their rival team in a few weeks, but he's nervous too.

"Why are you nervous?"

Nathan takes a deep breath, "There is a cheerleader that cheers for the team we are going to be playing."

"Does someone have a crush?" I tease him a little with a hip bump.

"What do I do? You're a girl give me girl advice?"

I smile, "Give her a flower, girls like flowers. A really pretty flower."

"I'll tell mom to help me pick one. Will you come and watch me play?"

"Of course I will!"

My phone goes off and I look at down at it.

Lucas

I can't wait to tell you about the day I had at the clinic today! Call me as soon as you can.

A smile forms at my lips because I can picture his excitement.

Me

Can't wait to hear! I'll call as soon as I'm home.

The smile never leaves my face. I feel like a happier person.

"Why are you are smiley?" Nathan pulls me out of my Lucas daze. "Who was it?" he asks stretching his neck to look at my phone.

I shake myself out of my Lucas daze and twist to the side to hide my phone, "Oh nothing."

"Liar! You are all smiley Riley right now. You never smile like that." He gestures to my face. "Don't stop. You have a nice smile when it's real." How is an eight-year-old so observant?

"You are one smart boy you know that." I ruffle his hair.

"I GOT DINNER!" we hear Jessica yell from the front door.

We finish setting the table just as Jessica walks into the dining room with Michael right behind her.

"Riley, you're here? What a nice surprise!" She places the food on the table and embraces me into a hug.

Nathan wastes no time reaching for the bag of Chinese takeout, but Jessica slaps his hand away. After a few more words exchanged between Jessica and I, she pulls each container out of places it in the middle of the table. The four of us take our seats around the table and start to serve ourselves.

Michael starts to ask about work and tell him that everything is going good. I ask about the café. They try to down play how they are hanging on. I won't let anything happen to where they'll lose the café. They invested so much into it.

We continue to talk about everything going on in our lives. Nathan talks about school and his favorite classes. I don't mean to be rude, but I keep counting down the minutes until I'm home and can talk to Lucas. If it because daily, I would be totally fine with that.

We talk about Thanksgivings. They seem excited about meeting my parents, and I'm excited too. I can finally bring the two parts of life together.

Dinner starts to come to an end. Nathan gives me a hug goodbye and then disappears upstairs to get ready for bed.

"Thank you for having me for dinner."

"Anytime. You know you are always welcomed here." Jessica says as she takes her turn to hug me.

"Be safe getting home. I don't know why you live basically in the middle of nowhere." Michael has always been so concern with where I live. It's not like it's a bad location.

"I like it what can I say." I move to hug him. I pull away and make my way to the front door. "Bye. I'll see you guys soon, and if not I'll see you guys on Thanksgiving."

They both nod, "We'll be there." Michael says. "Drive safe."

I give them a quick nod and walk out of the house. They wait by the front door until I make in to my car before they scurry inside.

As soon as I get home, I waste no time going to my room to change into something comfortable and crawling into my bed. It use to feel normal, but right now it just feels empty. I know what's missing, and I know what it is. I grab my phone and call the person that is missing, that I am missing.

I've been waiting all day to hear your voice.

I feel heat rush to my cheeks. Hey Lucas. How was work?

It was amazing! I hear the excitement in his voice. I never told I'd be able to help a horse give birth here in the city, but today I did! I was reminded of the whole reason I wanted to become a veterinarian in the very beginning. Not that I ever forgot, but it was as if I was in that moment again.

That's incredible Lucas!

It really was. I try to hold my yawn in, but it fights it way through. Are you tired? I can let you go to sleep.

No I'm okay. Just keep talking.

He proceeds to tell me about the rest of his day. I'm trying hard to stay up. I don't know why I'm so tired. If anything he should be the one tired. It's later there then it is here. I love the fact that we were able to pick up talking to each other comfortably so fast. Even if it's about topics I don't want to talk about, like we are now.

Maya asked me talk to you for her.

How does she know you are talking me?

Well, her, Zay, Farkle, Smackle, and I went out for dinner. A little awkward going out with engaged couples and being the only single one. We both laugh. Anyways, they all kind of guessed it. Apparently I was kept smiling and Maya said it was my Riley smile.

The corner of my lips lift slightly. I was called Smiley Riley today by an eight-year-old. I haven't been called that in years.

I can practically hear the smirk spreading across his face. So what I'm hearing is that I was the reason behind your smile.

I don't say anything. Neither does he. Yes, he was the reason for the happiness I felt today, but maybe it was because letting him back into my life was like getting a piece of the old me. Maybe I need other people back in my life too.

Lucas. I take a deep breath. Can I have Maya's number?

I'm pretty sure she already took your number from my phone. I'll tell her that it's okay to use it now.

Thank you.

No Riley, thank you. Thank you for letting me back into your life.

I let out a small sigh. I'm sorry it took so long.

We talk until I hear his breathing start to get heavy. I wondering when he would start to fall asleep because I was hanging on by a thread.

Goodnight Lucas. I hear nothing. I love you. I whisper. I immediately hang up. Hopefully he was really sleeping. I just had to get it off my chest. I love him. I always have and I know I always will.

The next two week or so Lucas and I text all day with calls late at night until one of us falls asleep. It's almost like being in high school again. I get all the butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts to flutter when I see his name flash on my phone. If one thing I confirmed, I want to be with Lucas Friar more than anything. I want to be able to call him mine.

Maya texts me every day since the night I told Lucas that I wanted her number, and honestly I'm happy I made that choice. Once her and I got past the uncomfortableness I think we both felt, I know I did, it almost felt normal to talk to her. I know we still have a long way to go before we can really repair what was broke, but now I know it's something I really want.

She tells me how Zay finally broke her down to move in with her, and how she is up to her neck with planning her wedding. I tell her not to worry because she still has more than half a year. She asks if I be willing to help her and I want to, but I can't not all the way from here.

On Friday morning, I have a hard time pulling myself from my warm comfy bed. The one downside to Seattle weather is that it has the effect of making someone want to stay in bed all day especially when they are tired. I get to work a little late and head straight to my office.

My attention gets pulled from my laptop when I hear my door being open. "Wow, you look a little tired?" Daniel another employee of mine ask. He has really dark hair basically black, but his eyes are the brightest blue that I have ever see. He's about the same height as me.

"Thanks," I say sarcastically.

"I'm just messing around. I just wanted to make sure this was okay before I post?" He says passing me his laptop.

I take it from his hands, "I told you, you don't have to keep doing this. I trust all of you to post what you want and what is appropriate." I take a quick look over it. I've never seen something this personal from him. "Are you sure you want to share this? I mean this amazingly written, but you never shared anything like this. You sign your name at the bottom of this." My phone flashes on, and I look on down to see his name. I can't help the smile that takes over my mouth.

"I have never seen you smile like that before. Who's the lucky guy?" he teases.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I hand him the laptop, "If you want to post it, do it. It's really good."

"Thank you." He heads to the door, but stops. "You know Evan isn't going to like that very much. He's been trying to get you to out with him for a year now."

I laugh to avoid the embarrassment I feel. "Get back to work Daniel."

I try to finish the piece that I'm working on, but to no success. I've been distracted lately, mostly by thoughts of Lucas. Before I know it's six and I'm staring at a half written post. I really should finish this, but Lucas is already calling. I know I shouldn't answer it because I have this to finish it. But it's Lucas, and I have a weakness for him.

I answer placing it on my phone speaker, so I don't have to hold it. Hello? I say as I try to type the thoughts that rushed to head down before I forget.

Is that typing I here? He laughs. Are you still at work? It's 6:30 your time and you're still at work on a Friday. Lucas voice echoes throughout my office, but I was completely zoned in on my laptop I didn't really hear. Hello, Riley?

Yeah, sorry. Give me a second. I try to type as fast as I can, so I can talk to him.

There is a knock on my door, but once again I'm too focused at the task at hand to acknowledge it.

"Riley," I look up to see Evan standing in the doorway. "I was wondering since it's late and neither one of us has eaten, maybe you wanted to get a late dinner? I can even go get take out and bring it back and we can eat here." The sound of Lucas clearing his throat fills the room. Evan eyes move to my phone, "I'm sorry I didn't know you were on the phone."

"It's okay. It's a friend." I hear Lucas scoff and I'm pretty certain Evan did too. "You go. I'll probably just pick up something on the way home. I still have to finish here."

"Again with the rejection," he laughs. "You'll crack one day, I'm pretty persistent."

Over my dead body. Lucas decides to chime in. I quickly move to take him off of speaker and place the call on mute so he doesn't hear anything else.

"Sorry about that." I say with a smile. I can hear faint mumbles coming from my phone.

"I guess I'm not the only one who is trying to win over the heart of Riley Matthews." He can't win something that is already taken. Lucas has my heart.

I laugh to cover the uncomfortableness I feel, "Goodnight Evan. I'll see you Monday. Remember meeting at ten."

"Goodnight Riley. Have a good weekend." He gives me one last smile before leaving. I wait until he is a good distance away before I pick up my phone.

Was that really necessary? I try to remain calm.

Who was that, and why does he think it's okay to ask you out? Lucas snaps.

Evan just someone I work with.

Evan?! Not the same Evan from the ski lodge right?

I roll my eyes. No, but there are similarities. At least I don't think this. I think I'd be able to recognize him. I don't know why I just said that to him though. I hear him say something under his breathe. You don't have a right to be mad, me and you are just friends. Even though I want to be so much more.

You know damn well I want to be with you, Riley! The rise in his voice startles me. I'm sorry. I just don't like someone hitting on you, and I'm not there to do anything about it. I don't even know where you are!

I scoff. That angry of yours still comes out sometimes, doesn't it?

I'm sorry, but this guy-

I cut him off. This jealousy thing use to be kind of endearing when we were in high school and middle school, but we're adults now.

Riley, I'm trying here. I'm willing to do anything to make it work.

And I'm not?!

He laughs a little more sarcastically than I like. You are still hiding! How is that trying? I'm willing to relocate to be with you!

Lucas. I sigh. I'm just not ready.

Damnit Riley! Am I supposed to wait until you are?! He shouts.

You will not talk to me like that! I bark back. When we can talk about this without you getting mad, then we will talk about the possibility of us. I want it just as much as you do, but right now I can't talk to you. Bye Lucas.

Riley, wait!

What? I whisper.

I love you. I can hear the sincerity in his voice.

I wanted to say it more than anything. Say it when he isn't sleeping and can actually hear me, but I bite my tongue. Goodbye Lucas. I hang up before my mouth can shout out the words my heart so desperately wants to say.

Within the same minute we get off the phone, he is calling back but I don't answer. He calls five times and each time I have to resist the urge of answering. I do want to be with him, soon even, but right now I can't. I can't explain it, I just can't something is telling me to wait.

It doesn't stop at just at calls, he starts texting.

Lucas

I'm sorry I shouldn't have reacted like that just don't shut me out please

Riley

Maybe I shouldn't have said I love you. Was it too soon?

You know what I'm glad I said it because I do love you!

There is a few more, but I stop reading them. To make sure I don't give in, I turn off my phone and put it in my purse. Why does he have this effect on me? I can be mad at him, but at the say time want to be near him. I don't know why I wasn't able to say I love you back because I do love him.

It takes me about another half hour to finish the rest of my entry. I hurriedly lock everything up and head to my car. Once again the last one to leave, but I don't mind. Maybe because every day I go home to an empty house.

Once I get home, I walk over to my kitchen place the personal size pizza I got for dinner on the counter top. I take my phone from my purse and turn it on and take a bite out of a slice as I wait. I expected to have more missed calls from Lucas, even some text messages, but I have a miss call from Maya followed by text to call her as soon as I can. So that's what I do.

As I wait for her to pick up, I take another bite. Riley!

Zay? Where's Maya? She told me to call.

She's dealing with a very drunk Lucas right now.

I scoff. What happened?

The person that Lucas will never get to meet was his daughter. You were pregnant when you left and had the baby. You named her Hope

How-How do you know about Hope? I stammer at first.

Lucas. He's here at my house and very drunk going on about you and someone named Hope Olivia Matthews. I called Farkle and asked him to come over. He is usually the one to calm him down. I don't say anything. Riley, please tell us where you are. He needs to know. We all need to know.

I stare down at my food, thinking maybe I should just tell them. I'll tell you guys soon, just not now. Take care of him please. Don't let him do anything stupid.

I hear a deep breath from the other end. Are you okay?

I'll be fine. I hear someone asking if it's me on the phone and by the slurring of the words I know it's Lucas. I have to go. I have to get everything ready for Auggie when he comes this weekend to spend the week with me. Bye Zay. Tell Maya to call me tomorrow.

Riley! Lucas must have snatched the phone away from Zay because his voice is the one shouting my name from the opposite end of the call.

I don't say anything instead I just hang up. I can't deal with this right now. I place my phone down, but it glows with a new text message from a number I don't recognize.

Unknown

I know where you are. No more hiding Riley.

Me

Who is this?

Unknown

You'll find out soon.