I'm fast asleep, when my mom barges into my room on Thanksgiving morning, waking me up. I rub my eyes and look at the clock on my bedside table, it's barely 6:47. Why would she want to wake me up so early? She knows I am not a morning person.
"Mom, why are you waking me up right now?" I say groggy. "The sun isn't even up yet."
"We have a lot to do," I throw the blanket over my head. "No, no, no," she pulls the blanket away. "You get up. I'll help okay."
I groan, "Why don't you do everything?"
"Didn't you say you were going to host, Riley?"
I tiredly smile, "Technically I am. I mean it's my house. You just get to do all the fun stuff." She gives me one of those if looks can kill looks and I sit up. "Okay, okay, I'm up."
"Good, I'll meet you in the kitchen," she says walking out my bedroom door.
I sit up and blindly reach for my phone only to find that it isn't there. That's right Auggie and I turned off our phones to enjoy the last day of it just being the two of us before our parents go into town. My phone is probably downstairs in my purse.
I pull myself off my bed and drag my feet across my bedroom floor to my bathroom. I brush my teeth and quickly rush down the stairs. I don't bother even bother to change. Once I'm downstairs, I see my purse sitting on the table I have near the front door. I dig through hurryingly trying to turn it on. I haven't talked to Lucas since I left the voicemail for it. I keep waiting for the screen to turn on, but it doesn't; of course, it's dead.
I let out a frustrated sigh, I should have charged it last night. But when we got in last night, it was already late and I was exhausted. All I was thinking about at the time was my bed. Right as I'm about to make a move to go back up the stairs to put it to charge, my mom calls my name from behind me. I turn my head slightly to look at her.
"I'll be right back. I'm just going to go plug my phone in."
She takes a few steps towards me reaching out her hand, "I'll care of that. You still have those sleepy eyes. If I let you go up there, you'll wait for your phone to charge and lay down."
I let out a small laugh, "You're right." I hand my phone over.
My mom starts to walk up the stairs, and I saunter to the kitchen. Once I get in there, I see that my mom had already started making her homemade stuffing to stuff the turkey. Thank goodness she made it, I thought she would want me to, but I wouldn't be able to not as well as her anyways.
I hear my mom's footsteps enter the kitchen. She is so wide awake, and here I am fighting to keep my eyes open. It's a little after seven, but I guess for her it would ten. My mom and I dance around each other in the kitchen, more like I'm trying to stay out of her way.
Around eight, my mom slides the turkey in the oven and gets started on breakfast. I try to help, but it only seems like I'm getting in the way.
"Mom, do you need my help or do you want me to just sit and talk with you? I am capable of cooking."
She starts to laugh, "Just sit and talk to me about something. How has your week been with Auggie?"
I take a seat at the island, and go on to tell her everything that we did this week. The big surprise to her was that I finally made it to the top of the Space Needle. She thought she'd die before she saw the day come. My fear of heights is that serious. But the biggest surprise of all is that I hired Evan from ski lodge and been working with him for years without realizing who he was.
"Does that mean Lauren is here?" she says a little snarky and I can't help the snicker that escapes.
"I really don't know."
"How about we don't mention that to your father." I laugh.
"What don't we want to mention to me?" my dad says walking into the kitchen. "Everything smells delicious. Is there anything for me to eat right now?"
"Right here Cory," my mom says placing a plate in front of my dad as he takes a seat in the stool next to me.
My dad takes a bite of toast, and my mom thinks she is in the clear. "So what isn't that you didn't want to me mentioned to me?" my dad asks with a mouth full of food looking from my mom to me.
"Oh nothing, just someone from my office who keeps trying to ask me out."
My dad starts choking, "No, no, no. You can't date anyone else! You and Lucas are working everything out."
My mom starts laughing, "He's become a fan of Lucas."
"Since when?" I look at my dad. "You've always been afraid of him."
"Yeah because I know the story. He's your Topanga."
I stand up laughing, "There's only one Topanga and you have her, but I understand and I think he is too." I look at my mom, "I'm going to wake up Auggie and then start getting reading. It's already 10:30 and I told Michael, Jessica, and Nathan to come around 1:30. I'll hurry down, so I can help with everything else."
I start to walk and then turn to face them, "I'm really happy you guys are here."
The smile that shines from both my parents' faces warms my heart. This is the most I've seen them in one year, and I don't know how I did it but I'm never doing it again.
"So are we," he smiles. "Good luck. I tried waking him up before I came down, he sleeps like a log," my dad laughs.
When I get upstairs, I go to Auggie's room and see his face buried in the pillows. I don't hesitate to jump on him to wake up. He groans and pushes me off. I don't stop messing with him. It takes about ten minutes until he becomes frustrated and sits up in bed. Once I know he is up and not going to go back to sleep once I leave, I leave to my room to go take a shower.
Once I'm out, I move to my closet. I search through my closet pushes my clothes around. I decide on burgundy oversize knitted sweater with black leggings and dark brown booties. It takes me a lot longer than I thought to get ready because when I check the time it's noon. I grab my phone that I have yet to check.
As soon as I walk back into the kitchen, I get hit with an aroma. My mom moves around the kitchen, and I see my dad sitting there admiring her every move. It's almost like they haven't moved since I left, but they have since they are both wearing new clothes.
I clear my throat and they both turn to look at me. I move deeper into the kitchen and place my phone on the counter. "Do you need my help with anything?"
"No that's okay. I have everything taken care of," my mom says and then turns back to the stove.
I sneak up behind my mom and hug her, "You're the best you know. I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner that you cooked in years."
She looks at me and smiles, "I know. Why do you think I wanted to do everything this year, but next year you are doing everything."
"Deal," I give her one last squeeze before letting go. I look around the kitchen, "Where's Auggie? Did he ever come down? I went to go wake him up."
"He came down to eat and then went back up he said he needed to call Ava," my dad answers.
That reminds me I still need to check my phone. I move back to where I set my phone down and look through all the messages I have and miss calls I have from Lucas, Maya, Farkle, Zay, and a few from Smackle. Before I can check anything, my door bell fills my ears.
I put my phone down and walk to the front door with my parents on my heels. The closer I get I can hear my name being shouted from the other end of the door.
As soon as I open the door, Nathan lunges at me squeezing me tight, "Where's Auggie?" he says releasing his hold. Jessica and Michael laugh walking in.
"He's upstairs. You can run up there and go-" he doesn't let me finish before he turns to run upstairs, but Michael grabs him by his shoulder to stop him.
"Now, son don't be rude," he pulls Nathan back.
"I'm sorry," Nathan walks and stops in front of my parents. "I'm Nathan," he says holding out his hand.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Cory, Riley's dad," my dad and Nathan shake hands
"And I'm Topanga, Riley's mom," Nathan lets go of my dad hands and shakes my mom's.
After the introduction, he turns on his heels and dashes up the stairs. He's about half way up when he looks down at me, "Riley, there was a mistake with the game schedule. It's this Saturday!" he sounds nervous. He exaggerates his breathing, "I need Auggie's help," he disappears up the stairs.
Jessica starts to laugh, "I'm sorry about him. The whole way here he was going on about needing to talk to Auggie about something important," she shakes her head. "Where are my manners, I'm Jessica," she holds out her hand to shake both my parents' hands.
Michael steps forward extending his hand, "I'm Michael. It's nice to finally meet the both of you. We've heard a lot about you and Auggie. We actually met Auggie earlier this week. You have two wonderful kids."
"They're our pride and joy," my dad says smiling at me.
My phone starts to ring from the kitchen. "If you guys will excuse me, I'm going to go get that."
As I turn to walk away, I can hear the four of them talking and I can't help the smile that slowly spreads across my face. I make it to the kitchen and I hurry to my phone on the counter top. Right as I grab it, it stops ringing. I go to look at my miss calls, but before I can get a chance to see the miss call, my phone starts to ring and the corner of my lips slowly lift.
Hey Lucas. I say coyly. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, you finally answered! I was getting worried you didn't answer anyone calls I thought maybe you didn't want to talk to me, so I had everyone calling you. I can hear the excitement and nerves in his voice. Oh, Happy Thanksgiving to you too Riley.
I lightly laugh. I'm sorry. Auggie wanted one last day with just me and him, no distraction, so we turned off our phones. Then today I've been busy with it being Thanksgiving and all and haven't had time to check my phone.
Do you want to know what I'm most thankful for?
A smile takes over my face. What? I try to my best to hide my eagerness.
He chuckles, and it sends chills down my spine. That this year I can wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and not have to say it to a picture of you that I might have taken from your parents' apartment.
Lucas Friar! I gasp.
What? He laughs. I needed a current picture of you. I actually have four for every year you've gone.
But I've been gone for five.
I know. I usually take the new photo they take of you when you come to visit for Christmas. Last year, your dad wrapped it up and gave it to me. I think he caught on when the pictures kept missing after my visits. I know it's kind of-
Sweet. I smile finishing for him.
I was going to say creepy, but we can go with sweet… So, I heard your voicemail.
I blush. I assumed you would. I laugh.
Did you really mean it? I can hear the nerves in his voice.
I open my mouth to say something, but instead my dad's voice fills the room. "Are we going to eating anytime soon? You know before I'm dead," the room uproars with laughter.
"Yeah, we can sit down right now. Just give me a minute."
My dad smiles, "Tell Lucas we said Happy Thanksgiving."
I heard him. Tell everyone I said Happy Thanksgiving.
You do the same too, but from me.
I hear a nervous laugh. Well I'll talk to you later. Bye Riley.
Wait! I say a little too loud and he laughs. I did mean what I said. I love you, Lucas. I never stopped.
I hear a sigh a sound a relief. I love you, too, Riley, so much.
I can't help the little giggle that escapes my lips. Bye Lucas.
Bye Riley. I'll be seeing you soon.
I hang up the phone and immediately call Farkle. He doesn't answer the first time, but I try once more and he does. I tell him that plans change and I need for Lucas to be here Saturday. I insist on paying for everything, but Farkle refuses to let me. I feel like he himself is planning something else, and honestly it's making me a little nervous.
We all move to the dining room and sit down around the table. Each one of us going around saying one thing that we are grateful for. I never knew how much I missed having Thanksgiving with my family. Dinner is anything but silent. Conversation fills the air along with silverware hitting plates. This is the first time my house has felt like a home. I can't help the smile that exudes from my lips. I hear Jessica ask my mom advice about helping her café stay afloat. My dad and Michael basically swallowed their food whole, so they could watch the football game. And Nathan has been glued to Auggie's side since they got here. I'm just sitting here taking it all in. Dinner moves along quicker than I would like. Everything is going great. This is definitely a moment I will never forget.
Time continues to go by, it's around five when Jessica gets up and tries to start cleaning up but I stop her. She shouldn't have to clean I can do it later.
"I think we should held out now if you want to go see your parents still," Michael says moving from the couch to the dining room to Jessica.
"Oh yeah that's right. I almost forgot." She looks at me, "We don't mean to be rude."
I shake my head, "No, no. I understand."
"Nathan come say bye," Jessica looks at the other couch where he is sitting. Nathans glides his way to where we are standing with my dad and Auggie right behind him.
We all exchange goodbyes and Nathan makes sure I'm going to be there Saturday at his game. He extends the invitation to my parent and Auggie. We all agree to be there, and with that leave. I wait to the door closes until I speak.
"Is it too late for you guys to want to go somewhere?" I swift my gaze between my mom and dad. They shake they heads. "I want to take you guys somewhere."
We pull into the cemetery, and the car is quiet. I finally park, and I turn to look at my parents who were sitting in the back seat. Auggie called shot gun. The steal glances between each other and out the window, and then they finally look at me.
"I brought Auggie earlier this week. I don't really know why. She isn't here, but this is the only way you will ever be able to meet her. I know it's my fault and I'm-"
"You don't have to apologize for anything," my mom says placing a hand on my shoulder stopping midsentence.
"Do you guys want to get out?" I ask a little hesitantly.
"Of course," my dad instantly says.
We slowly get out of the car and I make sure to grab the flowers I stopped to get. I noticed my mom is fighting herself with each step we take. Something is wrong, but I try not to think about it. When we finally make it to the grave marker, I can see my mom's eyes wondering and my dad's eyes are locked on my mom. Auggie is standing there watching everything the way I am.
I pull my gaze away and squat down. I run my fingers across the letters. I need to do this every time I come. I replace the old dying flowers with the new and alive ones. In the corner of my eyes, I see my mom scurry away. My dad tries to go after her, but I stop him.
"Let me please," I say to my dad and he nods his head.
I walk in the direction my mom went. I throw away the flowers as I pass a trash can. When I get to her, she is standing by the car with her face in her hands.
"Mom, I'm sorry," I say approaching her. "Maybe this was a bad idea.
"N-N-No," she swallows the lump in her throat. "This wasn't a bad idea. I just I should have known something this terrible was happening in your life. I'm your mother. I couldn't see you were suffering. When you left you and I were so disconnected," I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, and I see a couple fall from hers. "I can't imagine the pain you felt. You lost a child, Riley. A piece of you," she takes a deep breath. "I'm so thankful you had Jessica and Michael, so you weren't completely alone. But I should have noticed my baby girl was hurting."
I instantly pull my mom into my arms, and we stay holding each other for a minute.
I pull away slightly, "I should have let you been there, but I didn't. I'm just glad you're here now." She tightens her hold around me. "Do you want to see pictures of her? I haven't showed them to anyone." She nods.
I pull out my phone from my jacket pocket and click on my gallery. I show pictures of her to my mom and she is staring in awe.
"She was so beautiful, Riley," I smile at her comment. "She had your nose and lips, but those eyes. There is no denying where she got them from. Those scream Lucas all the way. They were just as alive and vibrate as his are." The smile never leaves my face as I nod. A few tears escape.
I hardly talk about her with anyone, it's always writing. So to hear someone speak about Hope in past tense, is a little difficult to hear.
I swallow back the sob I'm holding in, "She was so cheerful and happy throughout everything. Doctors were impressed that my baby girl never lost spirit."
"She was a fighter, just like you," my mom wipes my tears. "Have you showed any of the pictures to Lucas?" my mom asks handing me back my phone.
I shake my head, "I will though. I'll show him everything."
She smiles at me, "You mean your house that looks identical to his. The house that every time we walked by you would get a smile that ate your entire face because you were picturing a life with him in it and a little Riley and Lucas." I look to the ground, and she tilts it back up, "You will still have that with him, but first you need to forgive yourself." I shift my head to the side, "I can see so much emotion in your eyes a lot of pain and anger you need to let go. It's okay to be happy again."
I bury my face in the crock of her neck and let out a little sob as she rubbed my back. I cried for a few minutes before I pulled myself together. I quickly wiped my tears away.
"Do you want to go back?" my mom asks and I nod. We walk back with our arms interlocked with one another.
"I never gave up the idea of Lucas and I, and my house. I want to share it with him. I want it to be mine and his home. He's coming this weekend; do you think it's crazy if I ask him to move his life from New York here to Seattle to be with me?"
My mom starts to laugh a little, "You really don't understand just how much he loves you do you?" She looks at me and I don't say anything. "Riley, Lucas would go to the ends of this earth for you. He has been hopelessly in love with you for years. He hasn't dated anyone since you, and you haven't dated anyone since him. The reason is because it's always been you for him, and he's always been the one for you. So, yes I do think he will move his whole life here to be with you."
I can start to feel the pain in my cheeks because I'm smiling so big, and as we get closer to my dad and Auggie my heart just fills with more happiness. I see my dad and Auggie sitting down where I usually sit whenever I come talking. I try not to think about how I kept them from meeting Hope.
My mom and I take a seat with them, and I start to tell them about the little time I was blessed with to have her as my beautiful daughter. I look at each one of them, and then down at Hope. It's a bitter sweet feeling. We spend an hour there of them listening to the little stories I have to share.
This is the happiest I have felt since her death, but the guilt slowly makes that disappear. I'm hoping once I talk everything through with Lucas I can allow myself to be truly happy. It's the only way everything will work, if I can let go of the past and what I've done.
