Lost and Found

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. All characters belong to JK Rowling. Except Canan. Canan is mine.

Chapter Three: The shadow of a personality

Eight days after the trip to Daigon alley, Severus and Canan found themselves at platform 9 3/4ths at King's Cross Station for Canan to take the customary train ride first years were required to experience. Evan, the cat, was standing faithfully at his side, butting his head against his leg in an effort to make the child pay attention to him. Severus had just apparated them to the platform and explained to him, "All first years make this journey. You will board this train to the station in Hogsmeade. From there you will be escorted by boat across the black lake by our grounds keeper, Hagrid. When you reach shore, the deputy headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, will guide all the first years to the great hall where they will be sorted into their house. It's nothing to fear." He assures him. "But what happens if the other students don't like me?" He asks nervously. "You will find your true friends amongst your house. You may be younger, but my best friend, Lucius, was four years my senior when I arrived. So rest assured your age will make no difference to those who actually matter." Assures the potions master as the final call for boarding sounds. "All right. You had best be off. Everything will be just fine. I promise." And with that, Canan makes his way to the train.

He turns to Molly Weasley and orders, "Molly, tell your gaggle of gingers to keep an eye on that child. He had to start his education early and doesn't have the support of his family. And do not allow the information that I requested this to become knowledge to your brood." She grins and says, "Of course Severus. It certainly wouldn't do to have people realize your not heartless after all." Then she chases after her three boys and leaves them no option but to look out for the younger child, but upon her return she lets Severus have it.

"All right Severus. You may not wear your heart on your sleeve, but I know you well enough to know when something is bothering you by now. A fire whisky and a listening ear is what you need right now." She says, her motherly tone leaving no room to argue. And indeed she did know the potions master well, as her and her husband had taught muggle studies at the school from his 5th year to the year after he graduated, as well as being fellow members of the order of the Phoenix. So Molly could in fact read the gloomy professor far better than most. "As I can see that there will be no placating you, I must insist that we at least not speak of the matter somewhere quite so..." He looks around at the crowd, eyes shifting suspiciously, "...public." He finished, eager to be away from the throngs of parents seeing their children off.

Molly knew that Severus was only acting reluctant, but was actually grateful to have someone to speak to about his troubles at the moment. One didn't have to be a seer to know he was dealing with a great deal of internal conflict. One only needed to know Severus and how to see past the mask he wore nearly seamlessly. So with that she nods and they floo to the Leaky Cauldron and take the closed off booth in the back corner and Molly brings them drinks from the bar. "So what's troubling you my boy. Your mask has a crack in it." She says sympathetically.

Severus reached for the first shot and tossed it back to loosen his tongue enough to talk about something that he had kept buried for nearly a decade. "Molly, you are aware, as you were a teacher at the time, of the circumstances I found myself in almost 10 years ago. Having a family yourself, I'm sure you can only imagine what it would have done to you if it had been one of your children." He says, not even grimacing at the taste of the fire whiskey. Molly's face contorts into a pained expression at the thought of it being one of her children, and Severus only had one, but knew there was more to it than that. They wordlessly agree to the next shot and toss it back. "And I'm guessing that your upset has something to do with caring for that child am I right?" She asks.

Severus takes a deep breath to collect his thoughts. "Yes Molly. Normally this time of year is difficult. I wonder about things like what my son would have enjoyed studying, what his house would have been. I wonder about what his hobbies would have been. I wonder about his wand. I wonder about a lot of things. What it would have been like to celebrate his first birthday, about his first steps, about his first words. I wonder what disasters his untrained magic would have caused. But this year has been much harder because of the circumstances surrounding that child. Not the child himself." He explains and Molly tosses back another round to catch up with the potions master as she tried to figure out what he meant about those circumstances.

"Severus I'm not sure I follow what you mean, but I get the impression that there's more than just dangerous amounts of accidental magic going on here." She says with a sigh. Severus just nods. "As a parent I'm sure you would understand my feelings and lack of understanding of the situation. Having had my son taken, I would give anything just to have him back and safe and protect him. Yet this child's parents did the minimum to care for him. He had a room, but the furnishings used were the rejected pieces that the women of the house didn't want to display. Yes he had a few toys, but I saw plenty of things for a girl lying around, yet no boy toys. He had clothes, but they didn't fit. When I found him in the back yard, he was concocting a scheme to get his parents back for being deprived of his meals that day. Looking at him it's all too obvious he hasn't been fed right. There were bruises all over him. He would only evade my questions, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened to this child. Especially taking his parents religious leanings into consideration. It's no secret how religious muggles usually feel about witchcraft. And I also noticed quite a few vertical cuts on his forearms." He takes another shot and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Molly, I cannot fathom how someone could treat something as precious as their child so deplorably. Canan would be around the same age as my son, but he's lived a life I can't imagine putting my child through. And while I don't know the scope of it, I imagine it must be rather extensive if he's resorted to physically harming himself. Especially at such a young age. I don't understand how any parent could not love their child. It cost Canan his innocence and my child his life."

Molly nods her head with a somber expression on her round face, not looking her normal joyful self. "I don't understand it either. And I can't say I know what your going through losing your son like that, but it's given you wisdom that most people don't have. Sometimes people don't know how well their gifted, but you having lost something so precious you understand its value all the more. From what I can gather your son's father was a very selfish boy. And since nothing ever came to trial, I can only assume he got what was coming." Severus can only nod slightly. "My son's father died in the war. By the time his role in the disappearance was detected, it was long past justice's ability to make him atone for his crimes."

"And yet your still so secretive about his identity dear. I can surmise your relationship wasn't a good one, but I think that it must be quite a complex situation for you to have kept something like that buried for so long. None the less plenty of death eaters perished in the war." She puts a hand on his shoulder. It was her way of saying that she would be there for him when he wanted to talk. Severus makes no move to remove her hand, but he shakes his hand at the last statement. "The father of my son was a self entitled prick with a superiority complex, but a death eater he was not. His father died on the side of light. Which is why nobody would believe me unless they saw the evidence. And yet I fear that exposing him would do even more harm than keeping it quiet. That's why, even in his well deserved passing, I still believe it would be best if the world never finds out." He corrects and Molly chews on that bit of information as a bar maid comes by to see weather they would care for something to eat. Two bowls of potato soup were ordered.

Molly knew that there were plenty on the light side who had perished, but the list had to be whittled down to those who were attending Hogwarts during Severus' seventh year. That made the list much smaller, and there were 4 students in particular in his graduating class that Severus didn't get along with. Of those, one was alive and free, another was alive and incarcerated. That meant that neither Sirius or Remus could have been the father. And there were quite a few problems with Wormtail being the father. First being Molly doubted that Severus would have actually slept with him unless it hadn't been willingly, and she didn't want to think about that possibility. The second problem was that Severus had indicated that the situation would be delicate were he to expose the father, and that probably meant he met his end in a way the wizarding world would consider noble. That only left...

A complex situation indeed, yet it made perfect sense. The fact that the father died heroically for the future savior of the wizarding world would probably negate anything he had done wrong in the public eye, and if it didn't, his living son's destiny didn't need to be tainted with the sins of his father and the death of his half brother. Molly shakes her head and looks up at Severus. "I can see James has placed you in a very difficult situation, but I do believe you. I saw how he treated you in your school days. He was spoiled rotten and thought only of himself. I'm rather surprised to learn of his role in what happened to your son, but based off what you said, he's the only one that fits the bill." Severus was a bit taken aback at just how quickly she figured it out, but then again, Molly was a mother of seven.

"Your correct Molly. And as much as talking to you has relieved my stress, I fear I must be getting back to Hogwarts. It's already 3 in the afternoon and there are still things that must be done in the Slytherin dorms. I trust you know that the things we spoke of today are in the strictest confidence." He says. "Of course my dear. I do wish you the best though." She says as they walk to the floo and Severus nods. "It's been a pleasure Molly. Thank you for your time." He says. "Any time. I'm only a floo away if you need me." She squeezes his shoulder reassuringly. "I'll be sure to remember that. Until we meet again." Says Severus as he grabs a handful of floo powder. Molly had noticed that after losing his son, Severus hated saying good bye. She watched him state his destination and throw the powder down, then he was wicked away by magic.

When Severus reached his quarters he took a quick pepper up potion before walking into the Slytherin common room to prepare for the students. It was just general house keeping that he always put off until the last minuet, and he spends the next several hours using house hold magic to clean all the dust that accumulated over the summer, put clean linens on the beds, go over his list of returning students and assign them to their rooms. He generally assigned two higher year students to two first year students to ensure that his younger students were safe, but he only assigned his most responsible students. After all, ambitious did not mean irresponsible, nor did Slytherin mean morally skewed. In fact he met more than a few skewed Gryffindor in his life time. But all personal grievances aside, he holds off on assigning the more responsible upperclassmen, such as Terence Higgs, to wait until he knew how many first years there were. He did decide, however, that should Canan end up in Slytherin, he would share a room with Terence, the current seeker and a 5th year. He knew that he wasn't a junior death eater and Canan was muggle born.

After making suitable arrangements for rooms, making sure any death eater juniors were well away from supporters of the light, explosive personality clashes were avoided, and hoping for some semblance of peace this year, he goes to the great hall for the feast. Getting room assignments done had took him until only 10 minuets before the students arrived and he ventured from the dungeons to the great hall to attend the opening feast and took his customary position at the head table. It wasn't long until the returning students were seated with their houses and the first years were lead in by Minerva McGonagall.

"You will now be sorted into your houses. When I call your name from the list you will sit on the stool," she pauses and gestures to the three legged wooden stool, "and I will place the sorting hat on your head. It will announce the house you have been placed in. You will eat, sleep and attend lessons with your house. They will become your family." She explains and holds up the hat, who starts on the song of the year.

"When I'm placed upon your head inside the mind I see.

This is how I decide where you had outta be.

If loyal and sweet, and your heart be true,

I see no better place than Hufflepuff for a soul like you.

Near a decade secrets lie like demons inside your chest,

But this year shall be the end of that for I know what is best.

If cunning and ambition be the things you seek.

It's here among the Slytherin you will find your family.

When in the darkness you seek only for the truth,

Not stopping until you have answers just like a master sleuth,

I now a place where folks like you always find their friends,

For Ravenclaws yearn for knowledge that never ends.

Though you may belong in Gryffindor,

Where adventure runs through your pores,

But in the end all will see,

That Hogwarts is the place to be."

Severus loses interest after the song until they get to the M's. There were a few before him, as Mac was a common part of the name in Scotland, but Severus was curious to know where Canan would end up. Not because he cared for someone. That could never happen again, he told himself, but because the child was so difficult to figure out. He had, after all, displayed traits from all houses. So when the scrawny little thing climbed onto the stool and the hat was placed upon his head, Severus was watching, though he acted as though it was little interest to him, as he couldn't very well understand what the hat was saying.

Canan sat with his legs dangling off the stool as he listened. "Hmmm. Well your as difficult to place as both your parents child." Says the hat. "You knew my parents?" The hat raises where his eyebrow would have been, and looks further into his mind and sees that Canan had been adopted as a child. "Ahhh. Yes, you never knew them did you. Well, while I can't tell you who they were, I can tell you that from your paternal line, you have a boldness and bravery, yet you can be a bit, underhanded at times, if I may." He chuckles at that, then smiles. "And from your maternal line, you get your intelligence and love for books, along with high ambition and cunning. Yet there's a very loyal and affectionate side of you few have seen and your also a hard worker. Where to put you? Hmmm? Better not be Hufflepuff. I fear your thirst for knowledge overpowers that part of you, and that's overpowered by your bravery and at times recklessness. Yet I can see that above all, your cautious, clever, ambitious, and self aware. Best to put you in the line both your parents had traits of. One of them was even in this house." He says, finally breaking from his hat stall, "You'd do very well in Slytherin!"

Snape felt something, as he and the rest of his house clapped. He couldn't put his finger on what it was stirring inside his chest, but he felt something.

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