Author's Note: Okay so I've finally decided it, this story will have 42 chapters. Yay! Okay, moving on from that, I don't own Naruto or One Piece. Chapter 35 hates me and chapter 34 is probably going to be changed a lot as well. I'm thinking I'm going to go on an editing marathon for a while. Now, something I wanted to mention before but only got around to it now: Sanji's ... idea he proposes to Zoro is from BuzzFeed. I was also bored one night, reading BuzzFeed articles and found one that made my entire day and I'm still smiling. It's been a week and I'm still high off of it. It was basically describing how there was a preacher woman or something screaming outside a college, talking about how she isn't an alcoholic anymore and how gay marriage is horrible, unlawful and just plain horrible. So then these two boys just stand up, run towards her, stand right next to her and proceed to make out for like, fifteen seconds or something long like that before stopping, jumping down the stairs and basically screaming, "FUCK YEAH!" I love humanity in these rare moments. Some notes, the term "hentai" does not only mean porn, it also means "pervert". Also, when this story's over, I don't know which fandom I'll write for, One Piece or Naruto, cause I have ideas for both... It seems AU stories for anime works well for me. Anyway, I think that's all about my comments ... so yeah, enjoy. Also, the perverted part of this story gives you a warning (as usual) via dividers.


Beautiful Disaster
By: Setkia


Full Summary

Sanji is the assistant cook of the world-renowned restaurant, the Baratie, the only restaurant like it in the world. He's a successful chef and flirts with the customers every chance he can get but there's a problem. It's all a facade. The cooks give a new meaning to the word "abusive", both mental and physical. The only thing keeping Sanji alive is his love for cooking and a good ol' pack of cigarettes.

Zoro Roronoa is a swordsman who suddenly has more change in his pocket than he expected and enters the Baratie by recommendation. His waiter happens to be a curly browed man with an adoration for cigarettes. An attempt speak to the head chef goes horribly wrong and he gets sucked into the crumbling world of the chef's, wondering how he can possibly save him and better yet, why does he want to save him in the first place?


WARNINGS for this chapter of Beautiful Disaster:

Zoro's fantasizing ... and maybe masturbating ...


Chapter 33: Tension


Zoro swore, the blond was going to kill him one of these days.

It wasn't that it had been a few days and he heard no response to his confession. He didn't care about that (lie, lie, lie). It wasn't that Sanji kept going to grab for his cigarettes, only to realize he had none. It wasn't even the fact that he was currently sitting in front of the TV, watching anime with Sanji. It was the fact that the cook gave him blue balls like no one's business.

"What's this one again?" he asked.

"It's Naruto," Sanji replied, rolling his eyes.

"Okay," Zoro said slowly. "So why the fuck is he wearing orange? Does he know how stupid that looks?" he asked. "It clashes with his hair!"

"Are you the fashion police suddenly?" Sanji deadpanned.

"Well, not but …"

"Exactly."

God, watching Sanji get defensive … It was wrong that it turned him on, wasn't it? Zoro bit his bottom lip. Fuck, okay, to distract himself? How to distract himself … "He's voiced by a woman, isn't he?"

"And if he is?" Sanji asked.

"Then that's stupid."

"You know, almost all pre-pubescent boys are voiced by girls," Sanji told him.

"Those goggles look hard as fuck to draw," Zoro said. "The drawer must have trouble with that—"

"First of all, it's called a mangaka, and second of all, Naruto doesn't wear the goggles all the time."

"Oh wait, his name's Naruto?"

Sanji gave him a look. "Are you kidding me? Please, tell me you're joking."

"So wait, if I understand this right, this … Naruto person is a blond oddball who has a swirly-ass tattoo on his stomach which seals this demon with nine-tails—"

"The nine-tailed-fox, Kyuubi, yeah—"

"Nine-tailed-fox, Kyuubi, it's all the same," Zoro said, rolling his eyes. "So he's an oddball blond with the swirly-ass tattoo, which makes me realize you and him probably relate more to each other than I thought,. You both have fucked up swirls on your body …" He seemed to think about this for a moment. "And he wants to become the Sage—"

"Hokage, master of the village," Sanji corrected him.

"I'm learning here, I'm allowed to make mistakes," Zoro snapped. "Anyway, he wants to become the Hokage and he thinks that's possible by gender-bending himself, giving people nosebleeds, vandalizing sacred monuments and eating ramen?"

"He's just trying to become a ninja," Sanji said, rolling his eyes.

"Well he's doing a fucked up job at it," Zoro said. "Oh shit, did they just say he failed like, twice? So he's an ahou on top of it all?" Zoro shook his head. "Why do you like these people? They make horrible role-models." He sighed. "Who's that girl who's doing that weird fiddling shit with her fingers? And why the fuck does that girl have pink hair and a big forehead? And who's that dark person in her head? Why does that guy's hair look like a duck's butt?"

Sanji sighed. "I'm trying to share something I like with you," Sanji said, rolling his eyes. "You could at least appreciate the effort I'm putting into this instead of making fun of them."

"I'm not making fun," Zoro said defensively. "I'm just trying to understand the plot is all."

"Of course you are."

Well, I'm trying to understand this fucked up plot while trying to figure out how to get rid of this raging hard-on you left me with.

Not that he could ever tell Sanji that.

He respected Sanji, he really did. Just because Sanji turned him into a horny teenager who had just discovered what sex was (though that's what it felt like since Zoro had never imagined putting anything … there, before), didn't mean he'd jump him. He told him he'd wait and he meant it. The most intimate their relationship had gone was two blowjobs, one by each member of the relationship. He found it odd that Sanji was so good at it, giving him the best blowjob of his life even though he had never done it before.

No, he's done it before. Never willingly though …

For Zoro, everything he did for Sanji was new. It was like learning everything he thought he once knew, but with a different person but it changed. It wasn't like when Zoro got into a relationship with someone new and had to learn about them. He had already learnt a lot about Sanji, but now he was learning even more as their relationship developed deeper. He had started off knowing the worst of Sanji and he wasn't sure what it was that had drawn him towards him in the first place, but he was so glad whatever the fuck it was, it had. Dating a man was very different from a woman. Zoro hadn't thought it'd be different, but it was.

When Zoro had been with women, every word he said was calculated. He spent so much time pouring over what he was going to say, they got offended that he didn't open his mouth, even though the reason he hadn't spoken was to figure out what the fuck to say without offending them. The second he blew a fuse, finally combusted from pent up anger, they'd get angry, slap him and leave him. This was why Zoro tended to avoid relationships. With Sanji, Sanji had already seen his explosions and yes, he was careful around him at the same time, but not the same way he was with the girls. With Sanji he could show his anger, he could let it out, he just needed to make sure all his anger was directed at a punching bag, not at Sanji himself (not that he'd ever dream of it).

With women, Zoro's touches had to be soft. He couldn't press them up against hard surfaces for long before they started to complain about the pain in their back or some other kind of shit like that. Sanji didn't need hugs, didn't demand to cuddle. He didn't ask for anything, really. Except for his kisses, much to Zoro's delight. He didn't have to worry about being rough with him and him yelling he was in an abusive relationship and in turn, he could keep Zoro in line, something none of the other women could do. They'd always get upset and say nothing until they burst as well and blamed Zoro for nearly every wrong turn in the relationship. With Sanji, if Zoro was in deep shit with him, the cook let him know.

Because he had already lived with Sanji before they had started dating, Zoro didn't worry about his manners as much. Sanji had seen him eat at the Baratie for a long time and now he cooked for him daily, no, tri-daily. In the end, if Sanji was still around even with Zoro's less-than-perfect manners, he was good.

Relationships with men required so much less effort, so much less over-thinking, so much less carefulness—

No, that was a lie.

Because Zoro was so smart, he kept fucking up his relationship, so yeah, it took a lot of effort to maintain it. From Sanji's inability to tell that Zoro didn't just kiss random strangers and should take this as a sign of dating, to the part where Zoro got groped by a tailor because he decided to let his big fat mouth speak and admit to his hatred of hearts and flowers and babies in diapers holding scary pointy objects. He worked so hard to keep this relationship with Sanji, scared he was walking on thin ice and yet at the same time it felt less stressful. It felt as though he didn't have to over-think things, not usually because Sanji just seemed to accept him the way he was.

Zoro gave the blond a sideways glance as he pulled his knees closer to him.

Yes, he definitely loved the man.

Was that why he didn't mind bending over backwards and doing crazy flips to get him to stay? Was that why it was easy? Maybe it wasn't because it was a relationship with a man, maybe it was just because it was Sanji.

"Aren't you paying attention?"

Zoro's eyes moved back to the screen and his eyes widened. "Why the fuck does that guy have silver hair?"

"It's anime, hair knows no bounds. And neither does yours, Marimo," Sanji added with a smirk.

"That reminds me, that guy pointed his chopsticks at his teacher—"

"Iruka Sensei, yeah, what about it?"

"Isn't that rude? And he didn't get scolded? Isn't he the guy grading him? What if he doesn't pass because —-oh fuck, he calls that a clone?" Zoro wrinkled his nose. "It looks like a rag doll."

Sanji sighed. "God, what would you say if we watched Shippuden?"

"Shippuden?" Zoro repeated. "There's more?"

"Of course there's fucking more," Sanji said. "It's the best selling manga in the entire world, are you kidding me? The mangaka made ninja-manga history writing this thing," Sanji pointed out. "And if you think he ditches that orange jumpsuit, he doesn't."

"He doesn't?!"

"No, he just trades it for another suit with more orange and some black," Sanji said.

"Seriously?"

"Yup."

Zoro shook his head. Maybe Naruto would be one of those animes of Sanji's that Zoro didn't totally hate, but still, that author had a fucked up sense of fashion. "That guy with the silver hair, he's lying, isn't he? That thing he told Naruto?"

"No shit."

Zoro watched for a moment. "Wait a minute, you're telling me this kid had a demon inside of him for his entire life and he didn't even know it?" Zoro demanded. "How the fuck does that happen?"

"A rule was decreed—"

"Fuck the rule, I think you'd know if you were sharing your body with another being!" Zoro shook his head. "Don't give me that fuck about a seal, how the fuck did he not know until that very moment? No one fucking told him? Not even his sensei?" He sighed. "The adults in this show are fucking bastards."

"The Hokage did it so that Naruto wouldn't be discriminated against—"

"Oh and that worked so well, didn't it?"

"Shut up and watch," Sanji said.

There were of course, the occasional comments from Zoro, such as, "how the fuck can the silver haired dude throw something that big?" and "how the fuck is that Iruka guy not dead from that?" and "why the fuck can that guy see Naruto in a crystal ball? I think he's stalking him, isn't he? Fucking pedophile."

Of course, it was the fight against Mizuki-Sensei and Naruto that made Zoro lose his shit.

"HOLY FUCK, WHY ARE THEY MULTIPLYING?!"

Sanji sighed, but he seemed to be laughing at him.

"It's a valid question," Zoro snapped.

"It's Shadow Clone Jutsu, or rather, Kage no bunshin justu," Sanji said. "He said he was studying, remember?"

"And he just beats that guy up?" Zoro asked. "Fuck, he's weak."

Once the end credits rolled for the first episode Zoro shook his head. "That's a crummy ending, don't load all the crap of difficulties of being a ninja on him now, do it later? He's Naruto's role model, isn't he? Why the fuck doesn't he just tell it to him straight?"

"Um, because Naruto's twelve?" Sanji said as though this were obvious.

"Wait, if Naruto failed his test twice and that was his third year, does that mean people become ninjas when they're nine? Provided they pass the test?"

Sanji seemed to think for a moment. "They never mention it really … Wanna see the next episode?"

Zoro thought it over. Well, the show was distracting, he was still hard, how he had managed to stay hard for nearly half an hour, he didn't know. Maybe because he was overly aware of Sanji, but whatever the case, maybe another episode and he'd be able to look Sanji in the eye properly. Besides, as horrible of a fashion sense as this Naruto Uzumaki had, he had to say he was kinda growing fond of the hyper ball of energy.

"Fine, whatever."

Sanji smirked and the second episode began.

"WHY THE FUCK DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT?!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "It's his ninja ID, or registration or some shit like that," he said. "Honestly, can't you just watch without asking question?"

"Who's that guy in the shadows? It's not nice to sneak up on old men!" Zoro said, ignoring Sanji's comment.

"That's—"

"He tripped." Zoro shook his head. "He made the whole effort of hiding in the shadows and yet he ended up tripping on his own fucking cape. Who does that?" he demanded. "God he's so lame! And now he's blaming Naruto?"

"He's a kid," Sanji said with a shrug. "A pampered kid."

"Yeah, that's right Naruto, fucking punch the lights out of him!"

Sanji smirked. "I take it you like this show?"

Zoro froze, realizing how into it he was getting. He slumped back into his seat and crossed his arms. "It doesn't totally suck," he muttered to himself. "Doesn't mean all your other anime shit isn't shit."

Sanji smirked. "Whatever."

The more of the episode Zoro watched, the more he was sure he'd never get turned on by a girl again. Especially not if they looked like that fat ugly mess of a woman that the little kid tried to make. It was right around the end when Sanji turned to him. "I need a cigarette," he said.

Zoro smirked and pulled Sanji closer to him. "Oh yeah? How badly?"

"I think I might die," Sanji told him with a smirk.

Zoro closed the gap between them, gently brushing his lips against Sanji's.

The rolling credits for Naruto became background noise as Zoro wrapped an arm around Sanji's neck, pulling him in as close as he could get. He was soft and gentle against Sanji's lips as the blond put a hand on Zoro's chest. He expected to be pulled away but instead, the cook pulled the swordsman closer, fisting his shirt and pulling him on top of him.

Oh fuck, Sanji was trying to kill him, wasn't he?

With their bodies so close to each other, Zoro swore he was going to go insane, every time Sanji moved, he could feel it, his soft, smooth skin exposed as his shirt rode up just a little. Zoro kept his eyes closed as he kissed him, trying to calm himself down. Getting this excited over kissing him was probably a bad thing. Zoro's hands reached out and grabbed at Sanji's tie. Why he wore one was beyond him, but he knew that it only served to bring them even closer.

Sanji grinned against Zoro's lips, testing the waters, darting his tongue out daringly.

Zoro gasped and Sanji took control.

As much as he loved having the cook at his mercy, having the roles reversed was not something he was opposed to. In fact, he felt light-headed as the blond's tongue did unspeakable things to him, exiting his mouth and moving up to Zoro's ear. It licked his ear lobe and gave it a soft bite. He sighed and used his arms to hover on top of Sanji, but Sanji followed, wrapping an arm around Zoro's neck and now they lay in a strange tangle of limbs that just had Zoro throbbing.

"Fuck, Sanji," he muttered as Sanji's lips moved down from his ear to his neck. He licked Zoro's Adam's apple, causing the green-haired man to gulp and moved to where neck met shoulder and bit down. Hard.

"Shit!" Zoro moaned.

Sanji pushed forward until they were sitting and continued using his talented tongue to drive Zoro to the brink of insanity.

This was bad. Zoro was loving it and Sanji didn't seem to mind either if the way his hand was crawling up Zoro's shirt was any indication, but fuck, they needed to stop.

Zoro gave a gentle push at Sanji's chest, his face flushed, his hair mused. "Y-you need to stop," he told him. He took a deep breath, swallowing. His throat felt dry and his pants were tight. Thank God for sweatpants.

Sanji bit his bottom lip. "You don't like it?"

"Fuck no, Sanji, that's not it."

Why was it that every time they had to stop, the cook was under the idiotic impression he had done something wrong? Why couldn't he just realize he was testing Zoro's limits, tempting him so badly, he was sure he was going to choke and cum in his pants.

Zoro let out a light chuckle. "That's not it," he repeated. "Shit, Sanji, do you really not know?"

"Know what?"

"What you do to me," Zoro said softly. He took Sanji's hand gently and guided it towards his member, watching as Sanji's eyes widened.

"Oh shit."

Zoro nodded. "The problem isn't that I don't like it, it's that I like it too much." He gently placed a hand on Sanji's cheek.

"Do you … do you want to do it?" Sanji asked, biting his bottom lip.

Zoro shook his head. "No, I'm fine. A little harder than healthy, but I'll be fine," he assured him. "Remember what I told you? I'm not with you because I want your body. I'm with you because I like you Sanji, sex has nothing to do with it."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Your raging hard on begs to differ."

Zoro sighed. "It's not my fault I don't think with my head all the time." He gave Sanji a serious look. "But I'm not kidding. If you're not ready for it, we won't do it, simple as that."

Yeah, you're going to sound calm and mature, not like a horny teenager who hasn't gotten laid in a year— holy shit, I think it's nearly been a year!

Zoro grit his teeth, trying to ignore this train of thought and yet for some reason his mind kept fixating on it. Wait, hold on, the last time I did it … I was twenty-two, right? And I've only recently turned twenty-three, so that must mean— wait, but it's been like four months since I turned twenty-three, which means I could've gotten laid at twenty-two and it could've still been a year. Fuck, who was the last person I fucked? When did I do it? Where? Fuck, what was her name?

"Zoro?" Sanji asked.

"Huh?"

"You seem a bit distracted," Sanji said.

"Distracted?" Zoro shook his head. "No I'm not." Was she blond? Did she have dark hair? Wait, what if I've just imagined it? What if I'm so sexually frustrated, I imagined everything and I'm still a virgin? Wait, no that's stupid, I lost that stupid thing when I was nineteen— fuck, what about her? What was the name of the girl I lost my virginity to? WHY CAN'T I FUCKING REMEMBER? I'm too young to have memory blanks! "Shit, my memory's impaired …"

"Zoro, what are you talking about?" asked Sanji with a confused look.

"Nothing, never mind," Zoro said, running his fingers through his hair. Why the fuck were his pants still so tight? Was he still fucking hard? God Sanji, you're going to kill me. "What were we talking about?"

Sanji sighed. "Never mind." He looked Zoro up and down before biting his lip. "Do you … do you want me to …" He trailed off and gestured towards Zoro's pants. The air felt so incredibly awkward.

"God ye— do you want to?" Zoro stopped himself at the last minute. He could control himself, just because his libido was out of control didn't mean he couldn't be rational. He could survive this, he would survive this.

"Do you want me to?" Sanji asked, seeming to look everywhere but at Zoro.

"Only if you want to," Zoro said quickly.

"Well I mean …"

"Were you offering?" Zoro shook his head when he saw the uncomfortable look on Sanji's face. "Never mind, it's not that big of a deal," he said. "I'm just … I'm going to take a shower. Don't move forward, I wanna see the next episode, don't you dare start without me."

With that, he practically ran out of the room and into the bathroom.

Locking the door quickly he slipped out of clothes and turned on the water, pressing his forehead against the cold tile of the shower. Fuck, he was going to die from suppressed sexual desires, wasn't he? God, it was like he had taken some aphrodisiac or some shit like that. He bit his lip, looking at the door. It was locked, right?

It felt so wrong to do this …


Slowly, Zoro wrapped his hand around his aching member and began to stroke himself. He pressed his back against the wall and nearly felt himself fall to his knees. With how hard he was, it was no wonder if he came in mere seconds. Fuck and the fact that Sanji was right outside, sitting on that couch oblivious to everything … It felt dirty and yet his mind seemed to enjoy torturing him with pictures, with images that made him shiver.

Sanji, lying on that couch with his shirt unbuttoned, his tie loose around his neck, his pants hanging low on his hips, his arms above his head, his mouth slightly open, gasping, moaning as Zoro ran his hands over that delicious skin of his … Kissing him, feeling Sanji thrust up against him, grinding into him.

"Fuck," Zoro hissed, stroking himself faster. The tiled shower probably echoed, the cold water was doing absolutely nothing to help him at all.

"Fuck me Zoro," Sanji said in a raspy voice. "Fucking ram your cock into me, Marimo."

"Shit …" Zoro's footing seemed off and he felt himself beginning to slip, the cold tiles soothing against his hot body. He didn't think he had ever gotten this worked up over any other fantasy he had ever imagined. There was something that was so erotic about the cook that just made Zoro harder.

He could see Sanji in his mind, riding him, smirking with that fucking cigarette in the corner of his mouth, like he didn't have a care in the world. He'd yell at Zoro to be better, to go harder, faster, that he wasn't made of glass. Wrap those delicious legs around him, forcing Zoro deeper inside of him …

"Fuck me," Zoro gasped, trying to keep his voice down. Having Sanji so close, a few meters and a door separating them made it all the more exciting when his thoughts suddenly changed.

"Hey Zoro …" Sanji made a beckoning motion with his finger before putting it in his mouth and sucking on it. He was wearing one of Zoro's shirts, too big for him, too fucking sexy to be legal. "Let me fuck you."

He flipped Zoro over, pressing him against the kitchen table. "Itadakimasu." Sanji proceeded to lick down Zoro's back, hitting sensitive spots Zoro wasn't even aware he had and then suddenly, Sanji started to fuck him, shoving two fingers inside of him.

"Holy shit!"

Zoro froze. That was way too loud. There was no way Sanji didn't hear that. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself down. It was okay, maybe Sanji was temporarily deaf? Maybe he just couldn't hear for a while? Yeah, that'd be good … That'd be wonderful actually …

"Zoro?"

Fuck.

"Yeah?"

"You okay in there?"

Fuck him and his sexy voice— no, better not think about him and the word fuck …

"Yeah, fine," he gasped, staring at the wall, splattered in his cum. "Just … cold water," he said, finally feeling himself numb slightly under the icy shower. Not like it had done him any good, the fantasies of Sanji were too hot to freeze, they melted the ice and now feeling it against his back, it was almost prickly, his hot skin trying to counteract the cold.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely," Zoro replied. He had just cum thinking about Sanji … thinking about Sanji fucking him … Oh God … Did his voice sound hoarse? Did he sound like he was choking? Water, he needed water, right? "You can go back to the living room," Zoro said. "I'll come out when I'm done." Zoro nearly winced. Horrible choice of words.

"You're certain?"

"Yes I'm fucking certain Sanji, now fucking go," Zoro hissed, uncertain how long he could remain calm with thoughts of Sanji sticking two fingers up Zoro's ass circling in his head.

"Okay," Sanji said in a quiet voice.

"Fuck no, I didn't mean it like that," Zoro said quickly. "I'm tired," he lied. "I uh … I …" If he was bad at words when he was face to face with Sanji, he felt as though he was worse when there was a door separating them.

"Zoro," said Sanji slowly, "you wouldn't happen to be uh … relieving yourself would you?" He didn't sound mocking, rather, he sounded shy, confused and genuinely curious.

Zoro gritted his teeth. "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not that desperate!"

God hearing Sanji's voice … hearing his voice was just getting him hard again. Well wasn't this fucking fantastic? He took a deep breath. In all honesty, Sanji had seem him at worse points, hadn't he? He had seen him bleeding profusely, seen him go down on him, seen him on bad days when he didn't give a fuck what other people thought. He bit his lip, knowing he was going to regret this. "But … say, hypothetically I was …"

He heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the door. "Zoro …"

"What … what would you say?" Zoro closed his eyes tightly, his fist hitting the wall as he tried to steady himself on his feet. He wasn't going to freak out, he wasn't going to act stupid …

There was silence and then—

"Hypothetically?"

"Yeah," Zoro replied, swallowing deeply. "Hypothetically."

"I … I would probably … help you out." Zoro could imagine Sanji's red face as he spoke.

"Believe me, you already are," Zoro whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing," Zoro said hurriedly. "Anyway, like I said, I'll get out when I'm done."

"Okay." It took a while, but after a few moments, he could hear Sanji's footsteps retreating.

"Fuck," Zoro whispered to himself. God his throat was dry, he needed a fucking drink. He stared across from him at the cum-splattered wall. Zoro remembered the taste of Sanji on his lips. It had tasted … interesting. A new, but not unpleasant taste. In fact … He licked his lips, staring at the cum as it slowly dripped down the wall. Did it all taste the same?

Without thinking about it, Zoro took a step closer to the wall and hesitantly poked out his tongue. He could taste it, but it was mostly water from the shower. He ran his tongue up along a tile. The cold feel of the tile combined with a strange mix of water and cum …

Fuck he wouldn't be leaving the shower in a while, would he?


"You were in for a while," Sanji said when Zoro finally stepped back into the living room.

Zoro nodded and ran his hands through his wet hair. "Made something?" he asked gesturing towards the food.

"Yeah," Sanji replied. His eyes seemed to trail up and down Zoro. He licked his lips. "If you don't wash your hair, you'll get sick."

"Ahou, don't you remember? Idiots don't get sick," Zoro said, rolling his eyes. He pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table.

"Are you admitting to being stupid?"

"Maybe …"

Sanji laughed and put the food on the table. Then there was the sound of a towel being hit against the counter and that was the only warning before it covered Zoro's eyes.

"Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Zoro demanded.

"Drying your hair, dumbass," Sanji said.

It was like getting a massage for his head and Zoro had never been massaged before. He swore, Sanji had magical fingers. The towel roughly seemed to pull at his hair, yanking and grabbing, but Zoro found he liked a little pain in his pleasure. He was a masochist, wasn't he? As Sanji's fingers brushed his scalp, Zoro couldn't keep in a sigh.

"Liking it, Marimo?"

"You wish, cook."

Sanji smirked. "So I was thinking we could have a TV dinner, watch some more Naruto while we eat. I made some ramen for the occasion."

"Miso?"

"What else?"

Zoro smirked and stood up. "I'll wait on the couch, I guess," Zoro said. He took a seat on the couch and stared at the TV screen, black at the moment.

He was pretty sure there was problem with how much he personally thought Sanji reminded him of Naruto. Of course, Sanji wasn't a hyper-ball of energy with an evil demon inside of him. He didn't have an obsession with ramen (as far as he knew), he didn't live alone and didn't turn himself into a sexy naked girl, censored only by vague clouds in very convenient places. But there was something about him that reminded Zoro of Sanji.

Maybe it was the bright blue eyes. The way Naruto seemed to stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd with his orange jumpsuit and his blond hair. All the other characters seemed to have a dark colour pallet whereas Naruto just seemed to shine with bright colours. His messy hair, his annoying way of talking, he was different. He was in pain, but he never showed it, he buried it deep and pretended that it didn't exist, that he was fine, that he was normal and if someone found out about his secret, he would surely collapse, surely fall apart. His own inner-demons stopping him from reaching his full potential, keeping him from being as carefree as he pretended to be. He himself could barely handle the secret. A facade. Every day, every second of every moment of his life.

Zoro glanced towards the kitchen where Sanji was pouring some ramen into a bowl.

Just like Sanji.

"Okay, two episodes down, two-hundred eighteen to go."

"WHAT?!" Zoro leaned back on the couch. "You have to devote your entire life to this thing, it's time consuming." He shook his head. "It's a miracle you have a life with this anime obsession," he muttered.

"There's two hundred twenty episodes to Naruto, but Naruto Shippuden has four hundred twenty—"

"Oh fuck no," Zoro interrupted him. "He's cool, but he's not that cool. There's no way I'm wasting my life watching over seven hundred episodes of that hyper-active bouncy ball—"

"It's not seven hundred episodes," Sanji told him, "it's like, six hundred fifty, around," he said, shaking his head. "Anyway, we're on to episode three."

"Sasuke or Sakura, Friends or Foes?" Zoro read the episode name. "Fuck this guy's dramatic. Why are all of the episode names so damn long?" He paused. "Wait, isn't Sakura that girl with the crazy pink hair and big forehead?"

"That's her."

"And Sasuke …?"

"Her crush," Sanji said. "Look, you'll see, just watch."

The episode started.

"Why does he sleep with that hat on? He looks stupid like that. And why's he such a pervert?"

"Naruto isn't a pervert, Jiraiya's a pervert," Sanji said.

"Who's Jiraiya?"

"You'll meet him later."

"But what kind of person who isn't a pervert owns a calendar like that?" Zoro asked. "I mean seriously, and he was going through what looked like the porn section of that magazine store an episode ago!" He shook his head. "That's unbelievable. He's such a hentai!"

"I know a pervert doesn't own that kind of calendar," Sanji mused.

"Oh yeah?" Zoro challenged. "Who?"

"You."

"I'M NOT A FUCKING PERVERT!"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "You're going to miss everything if you keep talking," he told him.

"I think that milk's expired," Zoro noted watching as Naruto took a big gulp out of the carton. He wanted to say it was gross to drink out of the carton, but to be honest, he kinda did it too so ….

As the show went on, Zoro could admit Naruto wasn't the only blond, but that Ino girl had really pale weird-ass looking hair. It was almost like she was albino in Zoro's opinion. He watched, rolling his eyes as the girls fought to be in the class first. The second Naruto started to look stupid, he realized there was a love-triangle problem. Naruto liked Sakura, Sakura liked Sasuke— oh so Sasuke was the guy with the duck-butt hair? But either way, Sasuke didn't seem to like anyone.

And then—

"Did … did they just kiss?"

Zoro frowned. Naruto was under the shōunen category, right? That meant there was very little romance. He had never expected shōunen to encourage gay romance.

"Hey Zoro?" asked Sanji in a quiet voice.

"Hmm?"

Sanji bit his lip and paused the episode. "I … I want to try something."

"What?" Zoro asked, looking at Sanji strangely.

"I uh … I got bored so I started to look through the Internet," Sanji said slowly. "And I uh came across something interesting …"

Zoro blinked. "Did you find porn?"

"Fuck no!" Sanji said hurriedly, "It wasn't anything like that." He was blushing really harshly. "It was just this video on YouTube …" He trailed off, turning his head away from Zoro. Sanji cleared his throat. "It uh … There were people who were … they were doing this … reenactment thing from movies."

"Oh yeah?" Zoro rearranged himself on the couch so he was more comfortable.

"I was wondering if … we could try it. With anime, I mean. Reenact something from an anime."

"Well if you want me to copy those facial expressions, I can't," Zoro said with a laugh. "Why are you so red? Come on, what were they reenacting?"

Sanji blushed. "Um, they were …" He twiddled with his thumbs, putting his bowl of ramen down. His leg was tapping on the floor, an insistent beat to something unknown. "They were reenacting … kiss scenes …"

Zoro's eyes widened. That was something he had not been expecting. Sanji didn't seem like the experimenting type, the kind who liked to try to do other things to "spice up" the relationship. Considering his past with the cooks, Zoro still found it amazing they had gone as far as they had.

"Oh." Zoro cleared his throat awkwardly. "You sure you want to do it?" he asked. "I don't mind, if you want."

Sanji bit his lip. "Yeah …"

Zoro feel back into the couch again. "Alright. So uh, did you have a scene in mind?"

Sanji turned even redder. "Well uh …"

"Because unless you're watching hentai, I haven't seen any kisses in any of the anime you watch," Zoro said. "And I don't think hentai has much mouth to mouth contact anyway. Maybe mouth to dick, but …" He trailed off.

"Yeah, I had a scene in mind," Sanji said.

Zoro's eyes widened as realization slowly dawned on him. "You want to … try that?" he asked, gesturing towards the screen.

Sanji blushed. "I mean … It's an interesting angle," he said. Oh, his ears were turning red. "And really it's just pretty quick, right? Just fast, maybe two seconds and then you can gag."

Zoro let out a soft chuckle. "Sanji," he said softly, "I don't think there's anyway you could kiss me that'd make me gag."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "We don't have to—"

"I'll do it," Zoro said. "Besides … I bet you'd make orange look fucking sexy."

Sanji blushed even more. "I …"

"Come on, I think I can find something emo in my closet. Bet I could find a big orange shirt in there somewhere too. Don't know about pants though …" He trailed off. "Or, we could just do it as we are now. Unless you really want to try the cosplay."

Sanji blushed. "No, that's fine. Just … giving it a shot."

"Is the kitchen clean?" Zoro asked. "I don't think I have another counter with a good height." How many shades can I turn him? Zoro continued to keep his "professional" manner facade up.

"Wait," Sanji said. "But that'd be … that'd be mistreatment of kitchen equipment. To sit on a counter—"

"Sanji, tell me something," said Zoro with a deadly serious tone. "Can you put the counter in a drawer?" Sanji shook his head. "In a cupboard?" Sanji shook his head again. "How about the dishwasher?" Sanji rolled his eyes, as though it were obvious. "Under the sink?" Another shake of the head. "Can you hold a counter in your hand?"

"You're saying stupid things," Sanji told him.

"So we agree? You can't put the counter anywhere other than the floor, right? That means it's not equipment, it's furniture, it's furniture that just so happens to be in the kitchen, but furniture none the less. Would you prefer we go out on the porch? You can hang from the windowsill, potentially fall backwards, crash through the glass and give me another heart attack if you want."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll use the kitchen."

Zoro grinned.


Zoro pushed the kitchen table closer to the island in the centre of the kitchen. He then took a seat at the table, laying his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together and tried to scowl. Being this Sasuke person was hard, he was ridiculously moody.

Sanji seemed reluctant to get up on the counter, but he did, squatting forward.

Both men failed at looking upset.

Regardless, Sanji pushed himself slightly forward and their lips connected.

Zoro wrapped an arm around Sanji, scared for his footing and pulled him closer. Because of the table between them, Sanji ended up on his knees on the table. He tried to pull away after the "two seconds and gag", but Zoro grabbed him by his tie and kept him in place. He practically climbed onto the table himself, keeping Sanji in a tight lip-lock, tasting the spicy, bitterness on his lips.

Perhaps he was just one of those people who preferred sour to sweet.

Sanji gasped and Zoro invaded, using the hand that wasn't on his tie to run his fingers through Sanji's hair, guiding the blond closer to him. He heard the table creak from under him and slowly slid himself off the table, trying his best to keep contact while managing to get off the unstable table.

Zoro lost his balance and fell, Sanji falling on top of him.

He gasped, catching his breath. The floor was cold, but Sanji was warm on top of him. He ran his fingers through the stands of Sanji's hair, smiling. God he loved this man.

He captured his lips again, letting his hands roam to Sanji's hips, holding him in place on top of him. Being with Sanji was hard enough, he didn't need the blond rubbing up against him to make things harder. Or rather, to make it harder.

"Zoro," Sanji gasped. Zoro's lips moved to the blond's neck. God he loved hearing his voice. He loved hearing his name come from those delicious lips, hear the sounds he made … He bit down on Sanji's pulse point and the cook jerked, a shiver running through his body.

"Hmm?" Zoro mumbled, letting his finger trace over Sanji's hipbones.

"I …" Sanji sucked in a deep breath. "I want to do it."

Zoro froze and slowly detached himself from the blond. "W-what?"

Sanji met his gaze fiercely, his crystal blue eye showing no hint of doubt. "I want you to fuck me, Zoro."


Author's Note #2: The thank-yous!

Cara-Dolce: Okay, you're right, you've never reviewed before, but I'm glad you took the time to do it now! Since you said you didn't want the answer, then I guess I won't give it, so ... Yeah. Anyway, I'm really happy you like this story so much! It's my first endeavour into the One Piece archive and I never expected such a good response. I think I've only gotten one real complaint about it. So thank you and I hope you may review more later on!

mandacub: I do love making people feel embarrassed, it's a secret joy of mine.

lilcutieprincess: I just remember watching Naruto for the first time, seeing the sexy-jutsu and going, "Um ... okay, damn!" I also remember learning about Ranma 1/2 and then people were like, "no one's ever turn themselves into a different sex before!" Which one came first? Ranma or Naruto? I'm not sure. I think I got new respect for the sexy-jutsu from the harem jutsu. Gotta love him!

Random Person: Spanish class last year ... my teacher thought she could teach us Spanish through quizlet alone. I'm wincing at the memories.

JustCallMeLucie: As I've stated before, I've never had an addiction to nicotine, but I do replace bad habit with slightly less bad habits. I'll be honest, i don't know how to get over addictions like the ones Sanji's trying to get over and I know it takes more time than this story seems to be hinting at, but I'm pretty satisfied with the way it is. What Sanji doing isn't exactly getting over the addiction, I find he's burying it deeply inside of him and trying to ignore it more than confronting it and denying himself it. I'm no expert on the topic. If you're writing anything and you want someone to help you out on grammar and stuff, I did fill out a Beta form, but just in general, I'm fine with doing it. I'm a little harsh though, but my friends appreciate my blunt honesty. Well that, or they want to kill me slowly and painfully.

Michikuni Mayu: Thanks for the correction, I swear I'm better at French verbally. I'm really good at having a French conversation, and I can read French books, I just can't write that well... Something I love about the screwed up English language: we don't have genres for our words. Yeah, I feel as though Sanji's been thinking about it a lot, about what it would've been like if it had been Zoro, but I bet he's also wondering if he'd have even been interested in him, especially since he was sure he was straight before.

Shizuka Taiyou: I feel like Zoro and Rock Lee would hate each other, but respect each other's dedication towards training. Zoro's got a thing with eyebrows and Rock Lee doesn't really help that matter, does he? I sometimes like to think what some characters would do if they interacted with other anime characters, like Zoro and Ichigo would they compare swords? Though I think Jiraiya and Sanji would butt heads, loving women but Jiraiya's a bit too perverted.

Okay here's what Zoro said: "If you could understand me, you'd have no doubt that you're beautiful in my eyes. You'd know that I love you, but unfortunately, you don't know."

QUESTION TIME! Do you think Sanji and Zoro have a healthy relationship? Take into account the fact that Sanji was reluctant to accept Zoro's help, Zoro abducted him, put him on shit-apartment-arrest for almost a month, Sanji's being "forced" to cook for Zoro, and other factors. Do you think it's a healthy relationship? Is it become a healthy relationship?