We pull into the cemetery, and I take glances at Lucas. His eyes are glued to the window looking outside. I park the car where I always park it. When he realizes, the car stops he looks at me.

"Why did you bring me here?"

I take a deep breath, "I brought my parents, Auggie, even Farkle here when he surprised me. They all came, but if anyone needed to be here it was you." I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. "You don't have to get down if you don't want to."

He starts to shake his head, "I want to. I just, I need a minute."

"Do you want me to wait with you?" Again, he shakes his head. I don't say anything I get out of the car.

I walk over to where Hope lies. I do what I always do. I sit down in front of the grave and trace her name with the pads of my fingers. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Lucas met her without realizing. I sit there in silence. It's almost as if I don't want to talk without him here. A breeze comes in and I close my eyes enjoying as the cold wind touches my skin.

I jump slightly when I feel someone rub against me as they sit down. I slowly open my eyes and see Lucas staring at me. He has a small smile on his face, and I can see it's painful for him to be here and I completely understand his pain. We sit there for what feels like hours in silence, but in reality it was only a minute.

"It feels surreal being here in this place with you," I say in a hush tone. "I have dreamt of you being here in Seattle with me, but not in this particular place. I've dreamt of what she would look like older and how you would chase her around pretending to be a dinosaur," I smile with my eyes gloss over. "She would run to me grabbing onto my leg telling you that you couldn't get her because mommy protects her from everything." I wipe the tears that had falling. Lucas places his hand on my knee and lightly squeezes.

I look up from the grave marker and lock my gaze with him. His green eyes are locked on mine, and it feels like he is looking right through me into my head reading all my secrets.

I clear my throat, "Lucas, have you ever been to Seattle before today?"

He nods, "Once. It was our freshmen year of college. That spring I came for an interview for a summer internship here at a clinic. It was only for a night. I didn't do much beside the interview and stop at this small café that was right across the street from the clinic."

"Did you get the internship?" he shakes his head. I look back to the grave, "You weren't meant to be around," I whisper to myself.

"What?"

"Lucas," I take a deep breath. "You met Hope, you met our daughter."

"Riley, I would have remembered if I met someone that was half me."

"Do you remember Jessica?"

"The lady I just met, right?" I nod. "I mean she looks familiar, but I can't exactly put my finger on it."

I slowly pull my phone from my jacket pocket and scroll through my pictures. I land on one of Hope when she was a little older than two months. She's wearing a black and white long sleeve onesie with a pink solid heart in the middle. I manage to capture a picture of her smiling at the camera, and you can see her bright green. I have tons of blurry ones trying to get this one shot, but I can't bring myself to delete them.

I stare at the picture and my heart feels heavy with bliss, and tears start to form in my eyes again. I slowly hand my phone to him, and his eyes go wide. I wonder if he recognizes her.

"D-did that outfit come with a matching pink bow and pants?" I try to search my brain for the outfit. I slowly nod. "Jessica. Jessica had her at the café," I smile. "I remember feeling drawn to her. I couldn't explain it, but her eyes. Those eyes I remember them. I dreamt of them." He looks up from the phone and looks at me. "Is-is this Hope?" I nod. "I met my daughter," I nod again not saying a single word. My vision is blurred. I blink and a few tears fall.

Again, silence falls between us, but it's never an awkward silence. He clears his throat, "I would have been there for everything if I had gotten that internship." I see his eyes start to become watery. "I should have been there," he whispers.

I shake my head, "No," I swallow back my tears. "You weren't meant to go through that heartache again. You were still healing from your sister." I look at him and grab his hand, "I'm sorry for leaving during that time, especially when you told me I was the only thing keeping you going. It was selfish of me." I take a deep breath and let it out, "Maybe everything was supposed to happen this way. You weren't meant to be a part of the short time she had here. We might have ended the way your parents did," I look at him, but he looks away. "If you were meant to be there, you would have gotten the internship."

More silence surface between us. My heart is pounding. I'm nervous I don't know what going to happen. I take a glance at him and his eyes are glossed over. I reach to grab his hand, and he lifts his gaze from the grave and looks at me. I see a few tears running down his cheeks and I gently wipe them away. "I met my daughter," he says again in a hush tone, I almost miss it.

Without thinking I wrap my arms around him, and he buries his face in the crock of my neck. I feel his body shaking against me, and I run my fingers through his hair. I'm trying to stay strong and keep the tears that I have in my eyes from falling.

"Can you tell me about her?" his voice in weak and shaky.

I swallow my tears back wanting to stay strong, "Of course," I say softly. He slowly pulls away from me interlocking our fingers. My heart races as I look at our hands. I let out a small sigh before speaking.

I kind of skip over her first month because it's a blur to the exhaustion that consumed me. I hardly slept during that time. I tell him about one night she wouldn't stop crying I tried everything to get her to stop. I didn't know what I was doing. I started to sing to her.

"Her favorite song was My Girl. I would start to sing it, and she would look at me wide eyed. She loved it." I start to laugh a little, "Which is kind of ironic because my dad told me every time he tried to sing the same song to me I would cry." Lucas starts to rub his thumb on the back of my hand.

"During her chemo we practically lived at the children's hospital. When she was going through chemo, they had this aquarium in the room where she did her treatment, and every time we'd sit in front of it. Whether it be me or Michael who was holding her, we had to sit in the front of it and watch the fishes. One time Michael tried to move away from the tank, and she cried. She had to be there." I can feel tears well up in my eyes at the memory.

I clear my throat, "Jessica had a hard time being there when she had her appointments for her chemo, so she never went but she was always waiting in Hope's room when we got back." I feel Lucas squeeze my hand as tears fall and I wipe them away. "When she was finally able to go home with Michael and Jessica a couple months later, she started crawling almost instantly." I smile, "They were shocked because the doctors had said she was going to be tired, but I wasn't. She was four months when she was diagnosed, but she was always so filled with life." My eyes start to water, "I stayed with them for a little bit. I was able to see her start crawling, and oh my she was so fast."

A little laugh escapes, "She was a curious little bug. Michael and I had gone to the store one day and we saw a kitty onesie. It came with a hood that had ears on it and a tail on her little bottom, and I had to get it for her. As soon as we got back, I instantly put it on her." I can't contain my laughter, "You know how fast kittens are when they start running around, well that's what I thought of when she wore it and would crawl around. Here, I can show you." I hesitantly pull my hand away to reach for my phone. I scroll through my gallery and pull up a video I took of Hope. I hand it Lucas and watch as he taps the screen.

I lean my head on his shoulder as we watch together. Her laugh fills the air and tears start to slide down my cheeks. I hear a laugh leave Lucas' lips. I look up slightly so I can see him. He is captivated by her moving across the screen. His eyes are sparkling. I hear her laugh again and a smile eludes from his lips. I want to feel happy in this moment. I'm finally sharing a moment with Lucas. A moment I dreamt of happening. He is finally seeing his daughter, but a feeling of guilt is overwhelming me.

I shift my body a little, so I'm facing him and he does them say. I stare into his emerald green eyes, "Lucas, how do you not hate me?" I say as I sniffle. "I hate myself for everything I did. I should I have never kept her from you," I drop my gaze from his eyes to the ground. "I-I was going to tell you about her after we thought she was better, but it-it-" I feel tears stream down my cheek. Lucas tilts my head up so that I'm looking at him. He gently brushes my tears away and I melt into his touch. I open my mouth to finish talking, but Lucas stops me.

"I can never hate you," he looks deep in my eyes, "and Riley you shouldn't hate yourself. I know you're beating yourself up for keeping her a secret for these years," he takes a deep breath and takes my hands in his, "but maybe you're right. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in her life. I had that one moment with her, and it's a moment that I'm going to remember forever," his eyes gloss over.

Silence falls between us for a second before his voice rips through the air. "All I ever thought about was you and if you were doing okay wherever it was you disappeared to. I wondered if you were thinking about me, or if you met someone else and fell in love again. Riley, I was always thinking about you and how if I was lucky enough to ever see you again I would ask, no beg for another chance." I start to shake my head and avoid his gaze.

I know where this is going, and I don't deserve this. I don't deserve him. I can't have the happy ending when I did what I did. I can feel tears racing down my cheeks, and I try to beat him to wiping them away. But when I reach so does he, and his hands land on mine. I feel magic in that one touch. My brown orbs meet his green, and I can see them begging me to give in to him but I don't stop shaking my head.

"I know that you believe that you don't deserve me." How could he know that? I cock my head slightly to the left. "After I found out that Farkle knew where you were, I, uh, kind of tried to get him drunk so maybe he's let it spill." Lucas sighs, "He didn't. He said he couldn't betray you like that even if he wanted to. However, he did let other things out of the bag that we will talk about later. But for now, we need to talk about you believing how you think you don't deserve to be happy." He waits for me to say something, but I stay quiet.

"Riley, you of all people deserve to be happy. I want to make you happy." I start to shake my head, but he places a hand on each side of my face. "Let yourself be happy. The only one stopping you from being happy is yourself." I feel myself fall into his touch. He stares into his eyes, "I can make you happy if you let me," he whispers. He slowly starts to lean in, but I turn my face and he kisses my cheek.

He looks at me with sad eyes, and I slowly start to rise and he follows suit. "Maybe we should go. I can drop you off wherever it is you are staying." He sadly nods.

I slowly starts to walk away, but when I turn my head slightly to look at Lucas he isn't there. I fully turn around and see him standing there looking down at the grave marker and guilt over takes me. I hesitantly walk back. "Lucas," I say quietly.

He reluctantly looks at me, "I'll meet you in the car, okay?" He returns his gaze.

"Yeah of-of course. I'll be in the car," I stammer a little.

I turn on my heels to walk. When I'm some distance away, I turn around and I can see Lucas' lips moving. I'm too far to hear what he is saying. My heart hurts and is happy at the same time. I can feel the burning sensation in my nose as tears star to form in my eyes.

I finally get to the car, and my phone is ringing in my pocket. I don't even bother looking who it is as I'm unlocking and stepping in.

Hello? My voice cracks a little.

Riley, are you okay? One of my best friends' voices pieces through the phone.

Mhmm. I hum not trusting my voice.

No, you aren't. Talk to me. Are you with Lucas right now? Did he tell you about all of us being here?

Wait what? Who's all here?

I hear a nervous laugh. Nothing, nevermind.

Farkle, who is all here? I ask sternly.

Well, he clears his throat. All of us are here. Talk to Maya she'll tell you. But for right now, you are going to tell me what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

He groans. Please, stop lying.

Why did you have to tell Lucas about what I told you? He is pleading with me to give him another chance, and I want to. I want to be with him more than I can even explain. I love him Farkle. I never stopped. I-

He cuts me off. Then what's the problem? Riley, stop trying to push happiness out of your life. You've suffered enough. You've bee alone for the past few years dealing with this pretty much alone. I know you had support, but you didn't have it from the one person you wanted it from. He is there wanting to be with you, and I know you want to be with him. But you, I can imagine, are being stubborn.

I start to laugh a little as tears start to roll down my cheeks. You know I was going to ask him to move down here to be with me, but then we get here to the cemetery. He is out there right now by himself with her. We got here, and I was just reminded of what I did. For a split second, I forgot what I did. I move my hand to my face to wipe away the wetness.

Be happy, Riley. If you allow it in, you won't regret. We need Smiley Riley. The world need Smiley Riley.

I can't help the laugh that escapes my lips. I'll try. There is a pause of silence. Farkle?

Yes?

I know Lucas attempted to try to get you to tell him where I was by getting you drunk, and thank you so much for not telling him. But what else did you tell him? He said you said other things that me and him are going to have to talk about.

He starts to laugh. You can't be mad. I possibly maybe told him about Evan.

You what?!

I didn't mean to. I was drunk. He was interrogating me. I had to give him something, so I gave him that.

I cough a little. How did he handle it?

Surprisingly well. He was more upset thinking you lied to him because you were trying to hide something going on between you and Evan, but I explained to him that you had no idea who he was. Farkle starts to laugh. He found comfort in knowing Evan wasn't memorable to you that weekend.

Nothing was besides Lucas and I. I can't help the smile that washes over my face.

"I want to be happy with Lucas," I whisper to myself.

So then be happy with him.

You weren't supposed to hear that.

But I did. Please, stop fighting yourself and let it happen.

I open my mouth to say something, but the passenger door opens. I look at Lucas as he steps in.

Farkle, I have to go.

"Tell him I'll be at the hotel right now," Lucas' says in a hush tone. I finally look at him, and I see his tear stained cheeks.

I heard him. He'll tell you the hotel. And Riley, let yourself be happy or not this was all for nothing.

What is?

Nothing. Talk to you later. Bye.

Bye. I hang up and the phone and look at Lucas.

I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. I try to open my mouth to say something, anything, but no words come out. Silence fills the space between us. He finally turns his head, and his eyes lock on mine.

"Ar-are you okay?" I ask in a hush tone. He nods. "Do you want to talk about it?" he shakes his head.

"H-how do you do that? Come here and talk wi-without falling apart?" he asks so quietly I can barely hear him.

I grab one of his hands, and interlock our fingers. I start to rub my thumb in circles on the back of his hand, "It wasn't easy at first. After we buried her, I refused to come. I locked myself away from everyone. I felt empty."

"Did you try-" his voice his soft and shakey.

I shake my head and speak not letting him finish the thought. "No, but I'd lie if I said I didn't think about it. Jessica and Michael came over one day and dragged me out of my apartment at the time. They put me in the car. I had no idea where we were going, but as we started getting closer to the cemetery I lost it. I begged for them to take me back home, but the refused to. They both said this is what I needed." I take a deep breath.

"When we got here, I stood in the car for maybe fifteen minutes before I finally got out and even then, each step I took felt like quicksand. I didn't want to be, I wasn't ready to be here, but I think I was wrong. I think I needed to be here." Tears start to well in my eyes and Lucas takes his other hand to cup the hand that is already in his.

"I wanted to move on and act like nothing happened, but that was unrealistic. When I sat there in front of her, I swear I felt warmth against me. Every time I come, I feel her and I think that's why it's become remotely easy. I feel her with me everywhere, but here is where I feel her most. The first few times I sobbed, but as time went on it didn't hurt as much." I move my available hand to his face and wipe the tears that had fallen. He leans into my touch, "It'll get easier," I whisper.

He clears his throat, "Do you mind if I drive?" I shake my head. We both get out of the car switching seats. As we pass each other in front of the car, our bodies brush against each other and I feel electricity.

We take our seats in the spots opposite of where we were sitting. He starts the car and slowly starts to drive away.

I don't know where he is driving to, but his hand find his way in mine. It's almost natural like we've been doing this for years. It's silent, but neither one of us mind. We are just enjoying each other's presence.

I can see nervousness growing on his face the longer he drives. He slowly pulls his hand away from mine and I see him pat his pockets feeling for something.

"Shit," he mumbles. "I forgot something. We have to take a little detour." He makes a U-turn and then his hand finds its way back into mine.

We pull up front into a nice hotel, and my eyes go wide. "This is where you are staying?"

"Yeah, well not just me," he gestures out the window, and I see Maya and Zay hand in hand walking out.

Lucas and I step out and Maya see me immediately. She lets go of Zay's hand and runs full sprint at me.

"Riles!" she exclaims as she wraps her arms around me. A smile exudes from my lips as I hug her back. Lucas and Zay erupt in laughter.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Lucas says and I nod.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask slowly pulling away.

"Well," she laughs. "I'm getting married tomorrow. Here in Seattle." My eyes go wide. "I knew Lucas was coming to see you and I didn't know what would happen between the two of you. I knew if something went bad you wouldn't come to New York in the mere chance of running into him, so I brought it here. I couldn't risk you not being there." She takes my hands in hers, "I need my best friend, my sister, standing up there with me."

I instantly grab her and pull her into an embrace. I can hear her sniffling in my ear and tears that have welled in my eyes are slowly making an appearance on my cheeks.

"Does this mean you finally agree to be my maid of honor?"

"Of course peaches," her hold around me tightens and a laugh escapes from the both of us.

We slowly pulling away, and I look over at Zay who is smiling at both of us. He stocks his way towards us and wraps his arms around the both of us. "It's good to see the two of you together again. The way it is supposed to."

We laugh, "Congratulations on the baby you two."

"Thank you, sugar, and congratulations to you too. Judging by the smile on Lucas' face coming out of the car I'm guessing you said yes." Zay says releasing his grip on the two of us.

"Huh?" I watch as Maya nudges Zay in the side as we all pull away from each other. "What are you talking about?" Zay's eyes move to scan my hands.

"I think I said too much." He looks over my shoulder and I see his eyes grow wide.

"No. I think you should tell me what you thought I said yes to."

I hear someone clear their throat behind me, and when I turn around my heart stops. I hear a gasp come from Maya. I see Lucas on one knee, "He's talking about this," he pulls out a pearl ring with tiny crystals surrounding it on a rose gold band. "I-I've had this ring since prom. At the end of the night, I-I was going to propose to you, Riley. I wanted you to know that no matter where you decided to go that I was going to love you forever, and everything between us was going to be okay." He slowly reaches for my hand and my heart starts racing.

"I wasn't going to do this unless it felt right. We've been apart for years, so I didn't know if this was going to be a good idea. But the thing Riley every time I'm with you it feels right. I knew you were the one for me when you fell into my lap. I know it sounds ridiculous because I knew nothing about you, but it I felt this instant connection to you. Walking in your father's classroom and seeing you sitting there was like the universe trying to tell me something." Tears are sliding down my face.

"I didn't want to do it here, but someone has a mouth that they can't control," he looks over at Zay and a laugh leaves my lips, "Riley, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never want to miss another day of being in your life and being the person by your side. Will you marry me?"

I open my mouth to say something, but I don't trust my words. I know what I want to say, what I should say. My heart is yelling at me to say yes, however, my brain isn't letting me jump into his arms and kiss him passionately.

I start to shake my head slowly and his face drops. He starts to rise and moves closer to me. "I ca-"

"Don't say it Riley, please," he pleads and my heart breaks. He wraps his hands around my waist and butterflies awake in my stomach.

"I was going to ask you to move here with me," I whisper and his smile returns.

"Of course I will. Now the question is, will you marry me?" Emotions take over his face, but the one I can distinguish the most is fear. Fear of me possibly saying no. I don't trust my words, so instead I ask for my car keys.

We tell Maya and Zay goodbye and get in the car. I need to show him that I never gave up hope on us.