Lost and Found

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all except my sweet little Canan. And Evan the cat. I wrote my cat into this story, and I do own him. And the curious middle finger marking is legit.

IMPORTANT: If you want to have some say in wether Severus should end up with Sirius leave a review. I already know where the evidence for an early release makes sense and how it could work into the plot, but I don't want to lose readers if you guys aren't particularly fond of the paring. It could also be a sequel if this is just too much of a cute story for anything else. Siriusly. Leave a review to help me decide. And don't Severus my head for my terrible puns.

Chapter Six: The gift of Trust.

After Canan moved into Severus' quarters the two began to grow closer, each of them getting to know each other on a personal level. Canan discovered that Severus enjoyed cooking, finding it similar to brewing potions. But less volatile, and more relaxing as a result of which. Contrary to popular belief, he discovered, the potions master wasn't a morning person, since he suffered from nightly insomnia. He was particularly fond of the color blue and quite enjoyed literature, much like he did. Severus and he had begun reading Macbeth. It was difficult for Canan, but when the elder wizard read it to him and took the time to explain it to him he found it very enjoyable. It took several readings of each scene to understand it, but he was able to comprehend the story with his help, and found it to be a very interesting plot, even if they were taking it page by page. It was just as much spending time with the man as it was the activity that he found agreeable.

Severus on the other hand found that Canan was obviously very bright. He had a particular knack for astrology, even being early into his studies, very true to his sun sign. Like a true Gemini, his son had a very active mind and was a quick learn. As with every Gemini, he had a darker and lighter side to him. At this point the dark was seen more often than the light, but that was to be expected given his circumstances. Severus found out that Canan quite liked the color black. He should have expected as much from his son, but somehow he hadn't expected a nine year old to prefer a more subdued color, but he had to say that it fit with what he knew. Canan was a realist, liked to have control and didn't enjoy standing out. He didn't enjoy over indulging in athletics more than a select few pursuits. He enjoyed muggle rollerblading and skateboarding, but he didn't obsess over the sports, finding them entertaining to partake in but they offered little in the long term as far as reward went. Not like intellectual pursuits any way. He was a bit too fond of coffee and caffeine for a child his age. An eccentricity that raised more than a few eyebrows in the great hall and Snape had replaced his coffee, which had been saturated with cream and sugar with a cup of tea instead on many occasions. He was very artistic and Severus had seen to it to encourage his talent, purchasing him a sketch book that was enchanted so the pages wouldn't rip while he was erasing something and self sharpening colored pencils. He saw the lighter side of his personality around his cat. He clearly had a side of him that was unbelievably affectionate. Evan and he shared a deep bond, with the cat being his familiar and the affection was returned as the cat was always at his side and had alerted him when Canan was making less than wise choices and brought Severus to him for care or took Severus to him when he was sick, as he was now. Severus had found himself thanking the orange and white tabby more than once. Never before had he thought he would offer his thanks to a cat, but there were times every parent found themselves in a situation they wouldn't expect.

It had been nine and a half weeks since Canan began staying in his quarters and Christmas was nearly upon them. Last week Evan had woken Severus by sitting on his chest and pawing his face and then head butting him until he got out of bed and running into his son's room. He found the child curled into a ball coughing up a lung, running a fever, shivering, and unbelievably nauseous. It was now the day prior to Christmas Eve and Canan was on the mend with a fever potion, a potion to clear his air ways, and the very potion that lead to their being reunited. A cough potion. Over the past week especially, Canan had come to trust him a lot more than he had previously and had begun sitting next to him on the couch or sitting in a chair while he was in the kitchen but he never initiated any physical contact with him. The potions master always made sure to ask first so he didn't frighten him. Severus figured out on day three of him being sick not to try and keep Canan in bed. He wouldn't stay and arguing with him didn't do any good. They had come to the agreement that he didn't have to stay in his bed but he had to remain relaxing so he didn't lose his breath, and if he wanted to move Severus watched him like a hawk. It hardly mattered now though since he was on the mend, being aided with potions.

But Severus felt that despite all the time that they had spent together there was still a level of trust that he didn't yet have. That Canan was afraid to let him in all the way for some reason. Severus suspected that he was afraid of being hurt again. He had already grown up thinking he was abandoned and then had been neglected and abused by the ones who adopted him because he was a wizard. Because they didn't share the same blood. He never was truly their son and they made sure to let him know. Those muggles had left lasting damage on his baby and they were lucky that Severus had to stay out of Azkaban for Canan's sake. The child had confided a few things about his upbringing to him, and each time he had comforted the child while not letting his internal struggle not to end up in prison be known to him. He didn't want Canan to see his anger when what he needed was his comfort. It wouldn't help to build their trust.

It was around two in the afternoon when Canan walked into the small kitchen in his quarters with a weak grin and a suppressed cough. "I would have brought your potions to you." Says Severus, though he offers a smile as he fixes some tea for the both of them, knowing the potions he had been taking were bitter and it would do away with the taste. Canan sits at the table as Severus fixes their cups to their liking. Severus preferred honey and lemon in his while Canan took his tea with milk and sugar. He set out a bit of toast and yogurt for him as well and placed everything on the table and sat beside him, uncorking the vials and placing the back of his hand on Canan's forehead. "How are you feeling?" He asks, the corners of his lips pulled into an indiscernible grin. "Much better today sir." He says and Severus no longer hides his smile. "Good. Your fever seems to have finally broken. Just in time for Christmas too." Severus informs him. "Sir, what are the plans for Christmas?" Canan asks, reaching for the vials and tossing them back and quickly reaching for his tea. "I didn't plan anything overly extravagant since your still recovering. I figured that we could leave cookies out for the elves tomorrow, I could read to you something my mother read to me before bed on Christmas Eve. She always insisted on it. Perhaps if your up to it I can have the elves bring dinner and bring a few chestnuts to roast. You have the liberty of opening one present before bed." He explains then pauses to think of the next day. "If your feeling up to it I can have breakfast ready fairly quickly, but if not I can just get you something light. Don't push yourself. You can open your presents after breakfast and make sure you enjoy it. I wanna remember that for a long time to come." His lips curled into a smile at that. "After a light lunch and tea we can do whatever it is you like. Read by the fire, look at those star charts you find so interesting, play the piano. Anything really."

Canan raises an eyebrow and asks, "You play the piano sir?" Severus smiles and nods at him. "It was one of the best ways to calm you down and get you to stop kicking me. When I was still pregnant you were so fond of classical music. During muggle studies Arthur Weasley would play country music and you made your loathing of it be known. It was thankfully my last class of the day and I could play something you quite enjoyed immediately afterward. I found playing the piano for you to be quite relaxing as well." Canan smiles softly. "Did you like being pregnant with me sir?" He asks.

"Canan, it was scary at first but it was the happiest time of my life. It was so exciting to read how much you had grown each week and to count down the days until I could hold you. There were parts of it that weren't exactly fun, but I wouldn't trade them or you for the world. I'm unable to express it to you in words, but perhaps I could show you once your done with your tea." He suggests. "What do you mean by that?" He asks as he lifts the cup to his mouth. "If you would like to look at my memories I can put a few of them in my peniseve for you. To use it you simply place your head in the basin and you'll be taken into my memories." Severus offers. "I would like that sir." He says. "All right. Then finish your tea and we'll get started." He says and gulps his down quickly as Canan follows suit.

A few minuets later they found themselves standing before Severus' personal peniseve and Severus had moved the memories that had been in it to vials and started placing the ones he wanted Canan to see in the liquid. "All right. I'll be waiting for you right here." He says and takes a seat next to the desk where the peniseve sat. And with a deep breath, Canan lowers his face into the liquid and finds himself taken back ten years ago, in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. "Congratulations Severus. Your pregnant." Says Madam Pomphry. Canan feels a mix of emotions from Severus as his hand drifted to his still flat stomach. The memory cuts to Severus sitting by his favorite tree reading his pregnancy book with his hand on his stomach, in awe of how amazing his baby was. In awe of how fast it was growing, and in awe of the fact that that child was his and just how much he loved it. The next thing he sees is Severus in the kitchens with the house elves making a fuss over him and giving him snacks as he makes a list of names he likes and feeling for any changes in his figure.

The memory skips to him a bit further along, in the room of requirement playing the piano to calm down and talking to his barely there bump about how he would do anything to make sure that he was happy and healthy. It registered with Canan that he was talking to him. That he made those promises to him. Severus loved him! The next memory was of an ultrasound. Severus was crying watching him move, looking at the screen. He whispers, "Your the best thing that's ever happened to me my little treasure. My baby boy." Canan could have sworn that he felt a tear in his own eye. The next memory was of him in herbology, his stomach glamoured but still able to feel the kick. Severus had to excuse himself from class, citing difficulty breathing as an excuse. Professor Sprout knew otherwise since that was code for he needed to leave because he was pregnant and emotional. When he left his hand went over the place where he had been kicked. "Your getting so strong inside your Daddy aren't you? Letting me know your there? Merlin I can't wait to see you." He mutters to his belly as he feels another kick. He makes his way to his dorm where he just strokes his belly with a smile. The next one was of Severus in muggle studies where they were studying muggle music and Severus was trying not to laugh at how horrible the country music that was playing on the radio and how his baby boy was wriggling around so unhappily. He promptly made his way to the room of requirement to play him the piano. He lets down his glamor and whispers to him to calm down as he sits at the piano and plays the same song he had played him before. Several more memories of Severus playing him the piano pass. He grew bigger with each one and always showed the bump plenty of love until the memory where Severus went into labor. He felt his excitement to finally hold his baby boy. The next memory was his first time holding him. "Hey there little one. It's nice to meet you. I'm your daddy." He says, kissing his forehead with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry I still haven't managed to pick a name for you." He says, placing a bottle at his lips. Severus fell asleep as he fed him, exhausted from labor.

The next memory was him running to the nursery and looking for him frantically, and Canan could feel the fear his dad felt, see all the blood from the wounds opened and hear the anguish in his screams. There were memories of his search, looking through orphanages and public records for his baby for years. He saw his trips to the bench in his memory. He saw when he found the journal that seemed to confirm he was dead, and felt part of his dad die too. Then there was the memory of when they first met and how Severus wondered if his son would have been like him. Then Severus feeling inexplicably proud when Canan was placed in Slytherin.

The last memory was of him explaining to Canan that he was his father and the tragic circumstances of their separation. He could feel his Dad's worry at what he was doing to himself and his anxiety about being rejected even though he wanted nothing more than to scoop Canan into his arms, hold him and never let him go. He resisted though because he didn't want to scare him away. He knew that the time would come when he could hold him again.

And the time was now. As Canan falls back from the peniseve Severus caught him and kneels beside him to wipe his tears. But instead of standing there he throws himself into Severus' arms and let's the tears fall. His dad returned the gesture, holding Canan close to him, placing a kiss on his forehead and rocking him softly. "You still love me. You still want me." He sobs, clinging to his robes, and Severus assures him, "Never for a moment have I not loved you. Your my son Canan. Your the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I promise you that nothing will ever change that."

There's a pause and he hugs Severus tighter. "I'll never leave you again Daddy." He says, wrapping his arms around his neck and shyly kissing him on the cheek. Canan was finally showing him the affection he longed to give him, and Severus feels tears wet his own cheeks. Canan finally trusted him. And for the first time Canan addressed Severus as his parent. Canan called him Daddy.

Squirrel talking at you: So depending on reviews Severus may find love. Sirius will be freed either way, but if I don't get any reviews it will happen.