Author's Note: Okay so after this chapter, I'll be revising past ones because yeah, I screw up "who's" and "whose" and I probably screwed up some "who" and "whom"s, not that I even fully understand that yet, but yeah, I'll be doing revision. Also, chapter 39 will be a long one, so it might take me longer to post it. All chapters that come next will be named after songs which I highly reccomend listenign to. This chapter was not going to have this name, but ti ended up having it anyway ... Um, Kuina's thing ... It wasn't originally that way. I had so many ideas on how she could've died and then this one hit me and I went with it. I had a more complicated one with Mihawk, but then I even didn't understand it. I don't own One Piece. Question, is it not weird how perfect all of their teeth are? Because Luffy showers once a week and he lives on the sea and yeah, they're well-nourished (thank you Sanji!) but still ... It's kinda weird. I don't own One Piece.
Full Summary
Sanji is the assistant cook of the world-renowned restaurant, the Baratie, the only restaurant like it in the world. He's a successful chef and flirts with the customers every chance he can get but there's a problem. It's all a facade. The cooks give a new meaning to the word "abusive", both mental and physical. The only thing keeping Sanji alive is his love for cooking and a good ol' pack of cigarettes.
Zoro Roronoa is a swordsman who suddenly has more change in his pocket than he expected and enters the Baratie by recommendation. His waiter happens to be a curly browed man with an adoration for cigarettes. An attempt speak to the head chef goes horribly wrong and he gets sucked into the crumbling world of the chef's, wondering how he can possibly save him and better yet, why does he want to save him in the first place?
WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: the following things are present in this chapter of Beautiful Disaster:
Mentions of past rape and abuse
Mentions of suicide
Teasing. (there is no sex in this chapter)
Chapter 38: I Wouldn't Mind
I'm not afraid, anymore
I'm not afraid
Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side
Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile
I wouldn't mind it at all
—He Is We, I Wouldn't Mind
"I did it."
Sanji's brow furrowed. "What?"
"I finally did it," Usopp repeated.
Sanji pulled the phone away from his ear. "Usopp's on the phone," he explained to Zoro. "He said he finally did it. Do you know what he's talking about?"
Zoro swallowed down the rest of his food before nodding his head. "Yeah. Tell him congrats on finally getting laid. Only took him twenty-two years."
Sanji frowned, not quite sure if that was what Usopp had meant, but he pressed the phone back to his ear. "Um, Zoro says congrats on finally getting la—"
"That's not what it is!" Usopp cut him off.
Yeah, I had a feeling it wasn't that.
"Put him on the phone," Usopp demanded.
Sanji handed the phone over to Zoro. "He wants to talk to you."
Zoro took the phone and gulped down his drink before saying, "Hello?"
Sanji could hear Usopp's protests through the phone as Zoro pulled it away from his ear and waited until the screams seemed to have calmed down. When he finally brought the phone back to his ear, Zoro laughed. "Yeah, I know that wasn't what it was. So you finally got some balls, eh?"
Zoro laughed again. "Of course that's what she said, baka."
It was starting to annoy Sanji that he couldn't hear the other end of the conversation when Zoro's brow furrowed and he frowned. What was Usopp saying? "This has nothing to do with her." There was a pause and then, "Yeah, I tried, once, and remember? I never got around to it." Zoro let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, I never got around to asking so you're already a step ahead of me! I thought we agreed we'd never speak of this again!" Pause, then— "Usopp, I don't fucking care if you think it's relevant, don't fucking talk to me about her!" Zoro sighed and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry, I overreacted. It's just still hard for me, okay? Besides, it's in the past now. Kuina … she isn't here now, okay?" Zoro shook his head and sighed. "Look, we'll talk about this later." He handed the phone back over to Sanji and wouldn't meet his eye for the rest of breakfast.
"Who's Kuina?"
"Why does it matter?" Zoro asked, rolling his eyes.
"Because clearly Usopp was talking about a marriage proposal and Kuina's name came up," Sanji replied. "Dammit Zoro, stop watching TV and pay attention!" He grabbed the remote from beside the swordsman and muted the TV (without much regret, it was Zoro's crappy soap opera again). "I'll ask you again. Who's Kuina?"
"A girl," came Zoro's response. "Can I get back to my show now?"
"Zoro."
Zoro sighed and sat up properly. "Look, do we need to discuss this now? What does it matter who Kuina is?"
"Okay, fine, you won't tell me, but I can guess," Sanji told him. "I know you. I also know Usopp was talking about you when you were on the phone, about whether or not you had asked someone. You were going to propose to her, weren't you?"
Zoro stayed silent.
"And she died, you said, right? You never got around to it. How am I doing so far?"
Zoro gritted his teeth. "Look, it wasn't like that—"
"Oh yeah? Then how was it, Zoro?" Sanji demanded. "Because I know that you may not want to talk about it, but you can't have a relationship without communication—"
"Well does it have to be about my dead girlfriend?!"
Sanji bit his lip. He could see the pain in Zoro's eyes, the way they seemed to shine with insecurity, with terror. Zoro was confident, as long as Sanji had known him, Zoro had been the arrogant one, the one with all the pride, why did he look so vulnerable at the mention of this woman?
"I'm sorry," Sanji managed to say quietly. "I just … Never mind."
Zoro's eyes seemed to widen in surprise and almost instantly, he put a hand on Sanji's arm, squeezing gently. "No, what is it?"
"It's just …" Sanji turned his head away from Zoro. "You know … everything, about my past. My childhood, my strange teenage years and you can pretty much imagine the beginning of my young adult stage. You know about my parents death, about Zeff, you even met him. You know about the abuse and the … the cutting and you even know about the r-r-ra—"
"Sanji, don't force yourself—"
"You know," Sanji cut him off. "And I know almost nothing about your past." He bit his bottom lip. "How am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone if I barely know anything about them?"
"Do you remember when you first came here?" Zoro asked softly.
"When you forced me here against my will and you shoved toxic waste down my throat?"
Zoro chuckled. "Yeah, then."
"Yes."
"Do you know what I told you, when you said you didn't know who I was?"
Sanji paused for a moment. "You said … You said you were twenty-two and going to be twenty-three in about three months, you have XF blood, you're left-handed, your star sign is Scorpio, you never had sushi before the Baratie, you practice Santoryu, you had been sober for two months, your natural hair colour is green and you had a tiny scar on your cheek thanks to me. And by the time that conversation ended, I also knew you spoke French."
"Okay, that's how many facts? About ten facts? Maybe a dozen? Do you want to know how long it takes a normal person to get all of that out of me?"
Sanji shook his head.
"I've known Johnny and Yosaku since I was seventeen. They still don't know my blood type," Zoro said. "And in the past seven months, you've gotten to know me better than even Luffy and Ace. I've known the D Brothers for a long time."
"D Brothers?"
"Monkey D. Luffy and Portgas D. Ace," Zoro explained. "The D Brothers." He shrugged. "Thing I came up with when I was in elementary."
Sanji nodded. "I guess it's kind of stupid to ask for you to tell me more …"
It was clear the blond still wanted to know.
Taking a deep breath, Zoro sighed. "But you're also right. I should talk to you about it."
Sanji waited, his breath caught in his throat. What would Zoro tell him? What would he share? It made him paranoid, made him wonder if he really did want to know what exactly Zoro had had planned with his ex-lover. But not knowing is going to drive you even more insane, his mind reasoned. Yes, it'd be better to just know and get it over with rather than let it fester in his mind until he turned into something else entirely.
"Kuina … Do you remember when I mentioned I wanted to take up swordsmanship?"
Sanji nodded slowly.
"When I was maybe eight or so, I told my parents that I wanted to try my hand at swordsmanship. Don't even begin to ask me why. I don't know what motivated me, but I think it might've been because I was bullied for my hair and I thought martial arts wouldn't be enough. They conceded and sent me to a dojo. Koshiro. He was the master of the dojo."
"Dojos? Those things still exist?"
"Yeah, it was an old dojo. Koshiro, he had a daughter. She was a year older than me." Zoro took a deep breath. "Her name was Kuina."
Sanji nodded slowly. He knew it would hurt to hear about this past, to know about how Zoro had loved someone else, but he wasn't stupid. Of course Zoro had past relationships, of course they went well. It was stupid of him to think that his life started with Sanji, though that was the way Sanji saw his life's beginning. With Zoro. With a loud Marimo asking for water.
She was good. Because she was the daughter of a dojo master, she practiced swordsmanship long before I did. I remember when I first met her, I was pissed cause she was taller than me. She had dark hair and dark eyes, but her skin was pale. It's kind of funny, the first real relationship I got into was with a woman with dark features and now for my second major relationship, I'm with a polar opposite. She'd have liked you, Sanji.
Anyway, the first day I was there, she called me a shrimp and challenged me to a fight. She gave me a shinai and beat me in less than a minute.
When I came back after that first lesson, I was covered in bruises, mainly her fault. Well, actually, she said it was my fault because I couldn't guard myself. My parents wanted to pull me out immediately but I had a goal. I wanted to beat her. To be beaten by a girl was the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me. She already had age and height over me, I wouldn't let her be stronger too.
I fought with her a lot, over a thousand times. And I kept losing. I was getting better, make no mistake of it, but every time I improved, so did she and the gap between our abilities just kept growing. I felt like I could never breach it.
When I was thirteen, she caught me under the mistletoe. Actually, to be more precise, my parents made her catch me under the mistletoe. I don't know, they thought we were some golden couple. I gagged afterwards and screamed at how that was a horrible first kiss.
We went to the same high school and I applied for the kendo team. Kuina wanted to join too, but they wouldn't let her. Because she was a girl.
She said she wanted to be the best, regardless of her sex. She didn't want it limiting her, she wished she had been born a man. I hate sexist people, especially after I saw what it did to her.
When I was nineteen and I was still a virgin, I decided that I had to get rid of it somehow because I wouldn't let myself turn twenty without it happening. I was really dedicated at that point, to working hard and practicing I didn't have much time for a love live, or at least, I made no effort to have one.
Kuina told me that she was the same way, dedicated, not wanting to have a distraction from her goal. We both decided we were little shits though if she reached twenty-one without losing her cherry and I would be forever labeled the loser of the world if I couldn't get it up at least once for something other than porn.
Zoro sucked in a deep breath and Sanji knew what was coming almost instantly. Zoro's eyes were closed as he breathed slowly. "I don't … I shouldn't tell you this stuff—"
"Zoro," he cut him off. Yes, dear God, it hurt more than he thought it would but not hearing it was hurting him more. "Tell me."
Zoro glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "I …" He sighed. "We did it."
Sanji nodded, trying to swallow a lump that was forming in his throat. "How … how was it?"
"What do you mean how was it?" Zoro asked, his cheeks turning red. "It was fucking horrible, it always is the first time. What, you think we're all born porn stars?" He shook his head. "It was clumsy and disorganized and I didn't even last two minutes. She ended up bleeding and then I started freaking out and it was over in a flash. Afterwards I remembered there were such things as STDs and totally lost my shit, until we made sure to get tested." He chuckled softly. "To be honest I've never told anyone that story. It's too embarrassing."
Sanji bit his bottom lip. "So … what happened after?"
"I …" Zoro looked away. "Something just clicked for me. Don't get me wrong, it was horrendous, dear God, I'm surprised it didn't turn me off sex forever, but … I thought if we tried it again, maybe we'd do it right the next time around."
"So did you? Do it right, I mean." Sanji really didn't want to hear his answer, but he waited anyway.
"Yeah, we did." Zoro sucked in a deep breath. "But not until almost a year later."
Sanji gave him a strange look. "What do you mean?"
Zoro looked at the ground, chuckling lightly as his foot tapped on the floor insistently to a non-existent beat. "I may have felt something but Kuina … It was complicated."
Once that fiasco was over, Kuina wanted to go back to the way things were before. And I know it sounds cliché, but I just couldn't. It's not easy. You watch those stupid chick flicks about one night stands and you wonder why the fuck they can't just move on, but it really isn't that easy.
It wasn't like I had a sudden revelation or anything, it's not like I realized I loved her or something. It was just … the thought of her doing it with someone who wasn't me, it pissed me off and I couldn't explain why so that pissed me off even more. I wanted things to go back to normal, I knew pining after her would get me nowhere but it just became awkward.
It was like going to a family reunion. You know what you have to say, ask how they've been, what's been going on in their life, share a bit about yourself, but at the same time, you can't speak because you just can't get your tongue to work because though they might be family, they're like a total stranger to you at the same time.
I don't think it was the fact that I liked her and she didn't like me that killed me. It was that our relationship became awkward and I felt like I couldn't talk to her anymore, I felt like we were strangers and that was something I had never wanted.
I got into other relationships, yeah and I don't regret them either. The one I had with Kuina though … It had an unsteady start to say the least.
"What do you mean?" Sanji asked.
"You know when you're in gym class— well, you didn't stay in school long enough, but in gym, the teacher makes you split up into groups. You have to choose who'll be on your team, if you get to be the captain. The captains will first usually choose either their friends, or the strong players. I know I was always picked pretty early on but then there were the others who just stood there, waiting for their name to be called. When it finally was, even though they were picked, their shoulders were slumped because they knew they hadn't been a first choice, they were being chosen because they were all that was left. Kind of like sloppy leftovers. I remember one thing about high school. Even though I was great at sports, my team always sucked because I always picked those people who were never picked first from before."
Sanji nodded slowly. "So … you felt like you were chosen because she ran out of options?"
Zoro shook his head. "No, she chose me because I was there. Because I was convenient, because she knew me. She came to the university and picked me up, since I had been taking the bus to and from school then. She started making out with me in the back of her car."
It wasn't like I imagined. It wasn't that it wasn't good, it was just that she wasn't putting as much effort into it as I was. I didn't think up some crazy scenario where I became the only one she saw or anything stupid shit like that, but I just kinda hoped she'd come around and want to find me because she realized maybe she could try something there.
After the make-out, she said that she needed somewhere to release her sexual frustrations.
I don't think she knew that I liked her at that point. She wasn't trying to manipulate me, she just … God, I was such a fucking moron.
She loved me though, I know she did. She told me so. But … she didn't tell it to my face.
We got into a real relationship, in case you were wondering. Maybe about a month after that incident in the car, she decided she wanted to date me so we started and it was good. But it always felt like she wasn't entirely there. Like she was some place far away where I couldn't reach her.
I don't know when it was, maybe six months before the accident when I got it into my head that I wanted to marry her. I loved her and I knew she must've felt the same about me, somehow. She never got mad when I was late because I couldn't find my way, she never yelled at me when I canceled a date because I wanted to train more, in fact, most of our dates were just us at the dojo sparring, occasionally leading to sex. Her father didn't like that very much.
I went with Nami to buy a ring, I'm shit at that sort of thing you know. And it was a nice ring, blue actually. A sapphire blue diamond. Cost a shitlod of money too.
I just kind of kept it in my pocket, transferring it from each pair of pants I owned. Never left the house without it, always got myself too tongue tied to ask though. But I wonder what would've happened if I had actually done it, asked her, I mean.
Because six months after I got the ring, she died.
Sanji nodded slowly. He felt like his stomach was dropping out from him and the world was coming undone.
"She …" Zoro took a shaky breath. He didn't look at Sanji, but the blond knew there must've been tears building up in his eyes. "She was satisfied, but she wasn't happy. Not all the time at least. The sexist comments got to her, she got pissed a lot of the time because someone told her she couldn't do something because she was a girl. She considered having surgery, you know, just so they'd stop. Hormone therapy and that sort of thing. There was … there was a letter."
Sanji's breath caught in his throat. "No …"
"I … I went over to her apartment one day to pick her up and she was in the bathroom … Just … lying there on the floor …" Zoro choked, his breathing irregular. "T-there was a n-note attached to the m-mirror."
Sanji remembered that first night he had woken up on the couch, the night after Zoro had kissed him. Hadn't he put a post-it note on the bathroom mirror? He felt his blood cool in his veins.
"I am so sorry, I—"
"You didn't know," Zoro cut him off. "You couldn't have known."
"You can stop now," Sanji said softly. "It … it hurts you, don't talk to me about it if it hurts."
"But you …" Zoro took a shaky inhalation. "You talked to me about it and it hurt you too. It … it isn't fair if I don't talk."
Sanji didn't know what to do. He had never seen Zoro break down like this. How did Zoro deal with his break-downs? He didn't have the slightest clue where to begin with him. He knew if he awkwardly patted his back, it would be weird, kissing him silent would be rude, if he pet his hair, well Zoro wasn't an animal. Fuck, what do I do?
"It wasn't bloody," Zoro said softly. "It was an overdose. She was taking anti-depressants. I didn't even know. I had no fucking idea …" He shook his head. It was as though Zoro blamed himself for Kuina's death. That wasn't the case, Sanji knew it wasn't, but that didn't make Zoro any less shaky.
"Zoro …"
"The note she wrote … There were tear stains on it. She was in so much pain … and I didn't know. I couldn't help her. She didn't trust me enough to let me share her pain. I would've done it," he said and Sanji had no doubt he would've, had he been able to. "I would've taken it all. But she just … she bottled everything up …" He choked and stared at the ground, refusing to meet Sanji's eyes. "The note … her letter, it was … She wrote it to me."
Sanji's breath caught in his throat.
She loved me though, I know she did. She told me so. But … she didn't tell it to my face.
"It said … it said she was sorry. That she didn't want to burden me. Didn't want to make me suffer. That it was better this way." Zoro's fists curled, his nails digging into the palm of his hand, his knuckles turning white. "She wrote … she said she was sorry that she couldn't face me … that I was being tied down to someone like her. She said that I deserved to be happy, that she'd kick my ass if I didn't move on. She … she apologized for not being able to say … to answer me when I told her I loved her … She said …" A tear hit the carpet silently, a wet stain on the floor. "She told me she loved me."
Sanji was truly speechless. This pain … He hadn't even known Zoro had been carrying it with him.
"If she really did love me … why did she leave me?" His voice came out croaked, it cracked and held desperation. "Why … why did she leave me alone?"
Zoro's body tilted to the side, leaning against Sanji. He was heavy, but Sanji wasn't focusing on that. Instead, he was more focused on the way Zoro's body was trembling, just a little, shuddering against Sanji's frame.
"Zoro … I know there's nothing I can say that can change this, and there's nothing I can do to bring her back …" He could see it, in the way Zoro spoke of her, the way his eyes filled with a sense of nostalgia, the way Zoro was crying, Zoro Roronoa was sobbing, he loved her. He had loved her so much. "I can't tell you anything about her, I never knew her. But she sounds amazing Zoro. I … I can't match your pain on that level, I've never lost someone like that before … but …" He took a deep breath. "Remember when you asked me if I wanted you to forget her? I don't. I said it before and I still mean it, don't forget her. I don't want you to remember all the good times and know that she lives on in your heart, that's just bullshit. I want you to remember everything. The good, the bad, the pain, the love … Zoro, those memories … they're a part of you. They make you who you are. Those memories … They're what drives you, aren't they? You fight hard and train, you practice and you train, you do it because of her, don't you?"
"She couldn't …" Zoro choked out softly. "She couldn't accomplish her dream because she was a girl. She … she was strong. And those fucking bastards, they tried to make her weak, tried to make her feel like she was helpless, powerless, they thought they could make her surrender. And she did … They broke her …"
"She died on her own terms," Sanji told him softly. "They didn't break her, she died before she let them. She wasn't going to surrender to anyone but herself. She died strong, Zoro. She died a warrior."
Zoro nodded slowly, his face buried in Sanji's chest. "It hurts, Sanji," he said softly. "Make it stop. Please, make it stop …"
Sanji lowered his gaze and met Zoro's eyes. They were filled with tears, tracks running down the side of his face. Sanji shook his head. "I can't," he said gently. "I can only numb you. You have to make it stop."
"Sanji …"
"I'll help you," Sanji told him. "It'll stop, I promise."
"Aishiteru."
"Aishiteru," Sanji repeated gently.
Sanji lay on Zoro's bed— their bed, with his hands behind his head. Today Zoro had opened up to him in ways he hadn't even imagined possible. After the discussion about Kuina, they had gone to Partys and calmed down a frantic Usopp, who had been beyond shocked that Kaya had agreed to marry him. Sanji had explained to him how there were some couples were engaged for years before they actually sealed the deal and told him not to rush into things. Now he lay on the bed, his eyes closed as he ordered Zoro where to put his clothes in the cupboard.
"Why don't you just do it?" demanded Zoro.
"Because, your closet is weird and how the fuck am I supposed to know where all those stupid things are?" Sanji shook his head. "Nah, I want my shirts on the right side, we'll divide the closet in half. You really need a bigger room, I'm surprised the bed even fits in here."
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Yeah well …"
Sanji sat up and stared across from him. That full-length mirror that had been the bane of his existence when he first started living with Zoro, now he looked himself over, saw himself clearly.
He wasn't as skinny before, still a tad unnaturally thin, but he didn't look boney. His face had some colour to it, his hair wasn't a hopeless mess. In fact, he kind of liked the way his bangs fell into his eye. He looked like he was glowing, his blue eye twinkling as though it knew some untold secret. His arms and legs seemed more fitting for his body now, they didn't seem as pointlessly long as they had before. Maybe he wasn't a train-wreck. Maybe he was —
"Beautiful," Zoro whispered, taking residence on the bed right next to Sanji.
Yeah, maybe he was. Just a little, tiny bit.
"Do you want me to get rid of the mirror?" asked Zoro. "I know you don't like to look at your reflection."
Sanji shook his head. "No, it's okay," he said softly. "Keep it."
"I never … properly thanked you for earlier," Zoro said, his voice taking that slightly awkward tone. "I was a total mess before and—"
"It was nothing," Sanji cut him off. "It's what we do, isn't it? Make the pain stop?"
"Yeah, I guess it is," Zoro said softly. "Thank you. For what you did." Zoro bit his bottom lip and blushed.
Knowing Zoro, this was getting too sappy for him so he was likely to say something stupid—
"How many fucking shoes do you own, Curly Brow?"
Ah, there it was.
"Enough," Sanji replied with a grin. "So, are we going to continue passing pleasantries or are you going to kiss me, Marimo?"
Zoro was about to counter with some smart remark, probably something like about how banter was the nourishing their bullshit relationship, but Sanji cut him off with a kiss, gripping his shirt tightly in his hands.
The fabric easily let Sanji manipulate it as his grip tightened and he pulled, Zoro following Sanji compliantly, his lips soft underneath his own. Zoro rubbed against Sanji's thigh gently, tilting his head to change their angle. Sanji wrapped his leg around Zoro, squeezing tightly, bringing the Marimo closer to him.
Zoro gasped. "You're fucking flexible, you know," he told him, parting from his lips as Sanji let his leg move from around Zoro's waist downwards. Around Zoro's leg his long, pale legs wrapped around him, hooking at his ankle.
Sanji moved himself so that he lay slightly higher than Zoro, though they were both lying vertically and were not on top of each other. "Any complaints?" he hissed in Zoro's ear.
"None," Zoro gasped. Pulling Sanji closer, he kissed him silent, his tongue doing magical things to the blond. Sanji was ready to toss his head back and let his eyes roll to the back of his head from the wonderful sensations Zoro was causing inside of him. He thrust his hips upwards, rubbing against Zoro's arousal.
"Needy little Marimo, aren't you?" Sanji teased.
"You know I'm not little," Zoro said through clenched teeth. "I'm bigger than you, in height and other areas."
"Only by a centimetre."
"An inch and a half in another case," Zoro told him.
"Still holding onto your manly pride?" Sanji whispered into Zoro's neck, biting down gently on the junction between his neck and shoulders.
"It's … hah … all I have left, isn't it?" Zoro asked, trying to disguise his moan by turning it into a grunt.
"Why don't you just … let it go?" Sanji suggested, moving from Zoro's neck to his ear, taking an earring into his mouth and tugging gently.
"Tempting," Zoro gasped and Sanji was surprised he was still able to talk in the state he was in. "But there's no way I'm losing to you."
"We'll see about that." Sanji licked the outer shell of Zoro's ear and felt the swordsman shudder against him. He poked his tongue into Zoro's ear and the swordsman's breath caught in his throat.
"Did you just give me a wet willy?"
"Was that my finger?" Sanji retorted. He moved from Zoro's ear (but not before tugging again at those golden hoops and forcing Zoro to release a sigh) and down to his torso, letting his fingers trail near the hem of the man's shirt, but not touching him. Zoro made a whining noise Sanji was sure he would deny if later asked about it, trying to push himself closer to him.
He let his hand move lower down, to the hem of Zoro's pants. He slipped underneath the material. His finger paused near Zoro's hole, letting it ghost over it. It still felt so small, Sanji wanted to probe at it slowly. He let the slightest bit of his fingernail enter Zoro and watched as the man writhed under him.
"S-Sanji …"
Sanji let his finger leave, stroking Zoro slowly. He had never really taken the time to touch Zoro's ass but it felt amazing under his fingers. He squeezed gently and Zoro gasped.
"Sanji, please …"
Sanji smirked. He pushed the tip of his middle finger into Zoro, who was trying to take more in him. He was still unbearably tight, if they were going to do this, they'd need lube, but for now, Sanji was fine with fighting against the tight sphincter, listening to Zoro's half-spoken pleas because of course, the swordsman would never sink so low as to beg.
RING! RING!
"Leave it," Zoro said, immediately. "Probably some fucker trying to sell shit."
Sanji nodded, not that he was going to reach for the wireless phone next to Zoro's bed. He was having too much fun teasing him. Sanji knew he was too tired to go all the way, but that didn't mean he couldn't torture the man.
He let his finger enter Zoro to the knuckle, ignoring the sounds of the phone ringing, instead focusing on Zoro's laboured breathing as he tried to get Sanji to go faster but Sanji made sure he was slow as he gently pulled his finger in and out of Zoro.
"Another," Zoro said softly. "Please, Sanji, I need more."
The last ring rang on the phone and the sound of the answering machine sounded.
"Hey, you've reached Zoro, can't get to the phone, leave your name and number and all that shit."
Beep. Beep.
Sanji rolled his eyes. "You've gotta change your answering machine."
"Is now really the time to talk about it?" Zoro asked. "I'll add you into the message later, alright?"
Sanji grinned. "Okay." He was about to push in a little farther into Zoro when he heard the message begin.
"Um, hi, you don't really know me but I know Sanji lives with you now so …"
Sanji froze. That was Moodie.
He pulled his fingers out of Zoro, much to the swordsman's disappointment and reached over to grab the phone, hoping that the phone would let him answer even though the message was being left.
"Hello?" he asked, speaking into the phone frantically. Dear God, tell him it worked. He hadn't spoken to Moodie in so long, he hadn't seen her that day he had gone to the Baratie and he had missed her.
Zoro rolled his eyes and grumbled.
Sanji gave him a look. Interrupt me and you're dead.
"Sanji? Is that really you?"
"Yeah, it's me," Sanji replied, watching as Zoro got up from the bed and stomped out, much like a four year old about to have a tantrum. Sanji would take care of him later, right now he had to speak to the woman he hadn't seen in forever. "How did you get this number?"
"I asked around," Moodie replied. "I got it from some man named Smoker. He said he was kind of like Zoro's agent when it came to his competitions so he had his number. It took me a while to convince him to give it to me."
Sanji nodded, but then realized Moodie couldn't see him. "So uh, why did you call?"
"I haven't heard from you in ages, Sanji." Her voice was soft, gentle.
Sanji paused for a moment. "Wait, how do you know Zoro?"
"I met him," Moodie replied. "He came to the Baratie a few months ago. He cares very deeply for you Sanji, you know."
"Believe me, I know," Sanji said, his voice turning softer without his own knowledge. "How's Fullbody?" He gritted his teeth. He didn't want to talk about it, but he knew he had to.
"I wouldn't know," Moodie replied.
"What?"
"We're not engaged anymore," Moodie explained. "The same day Zoro came over, I ended it with him. He wasn't happy, but I made him give up on the marriage." Sanji could practically feel her smile through the phone, she was clearly overjoyed. "You sound good Sanji. What changed?"
Sanji grinned stupidly. "A lot," he admitted.
"Well tell me about it!" Moodie insisted.
Sanji bit his bottom lip. How was he supposed to explain everything that had happened to him? There was just too much. "Maybe another time," he said. "I'll give you my cell number and we can catch up then."
"Of course, you should get back to Zoro."
Sanji's mouth nearly dropped open. "W-what?"
Moodie chuckled softly. "Don't think I don't know what a man sounds like when he's on the verge of having sex."
Sanji couldn't stop the choke that escaped his lips. "Huh?!"
"I'm not an idiot Sanji," Moodie said. "Though I was oblivious to what happened to you when you were at the Baratie, I know these sorts of things."
Sanji nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "You're okay with it? That we're …" He trailed off. Moodie had been his first crush, the first person he had wanted to look at him differently, the first person he had wanted to date, the first person he was attracted to when he finally learnt what it meant when his stomach did that weird flip-flop thing that made him just the slightest bit sick. He remembered when she had looked at him with those defeated eyes.
"If you were only a few years older, or perhaps I were a few years younger …"
At that time, he hadn't even thought anything of it, though he had known what she had been implying. That she had wanted that with him, it almost made him smile sadly. Maybe if she had come a few years earlier, before Zoro, maybe he'd have taken her up on her offer.
Just a little too much, just a little too late, he thought to himself.
"Times are changing," Moodie said. She was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "Do you think you'll marry him?"
"What?" Sanji asked, the word escaping his lips like a gasp of disbelief.
"Do you think you'll marry Zoro?"
Sanji bit his bottom lip.
He could hear Zoro and the white noise of the TV while he watched yet another stupid drama. He could still feel Zoro's presence, he was in his room after all, the smell of him surrounding him, the bed still warm next to him.
Sanji shook his head and sighed. "You know we can't do that."
"I'm not asking you if the law will let you marry him," Moodie said in a soft voice. "I'm asking you if you want to marry him."
Sanji could feel tears brimming, his vision becoming blurry and hazy. "Moodie …"
"If you could, would you?"
Sanji let out a sigh. "In a heartbeat." Sanji shook his head. "But Moodie—"
"No buts about it," she cut him off. "You deserve to be happy, Sanji."
"I am happy," Sanji said and he found himself meaning it more than he ever had before in all his life. "I am."
"But …?"
Sanji took a deep breath, inhaling through his nose, letting the smell of Zoro envelop him. "But I'm waiting for the fallout. It's not possible to be this happy," he said. "Even if this isn't a dream, that just means it's going to hurt even more when it all backfires."
"Not everything goes wrong, Sanji," Moodie told him. "Not if you don't let it."
Sanji bit his lip. "I have to go, Moodie."
"Of course," she replied. "Just think about what I said, okay, Sanji?"
"I will."
"I'm serious. If you want to marry him, then do it. Elope somewhere."
"Because that went so well for Romeo and Juliet," Sanji sneered.
"Sanji."
"I know."
With that, he hung up.
Sitting on the bed for a moment of silence, Sanji let what Moodie said settle on him. He thought about it, about what that would be like, if he and Zoro were married. He was twenty-four, what did he know about what he wanted? But all the same …
Sanji shook his head.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Remember that. You're happy with what you have. He loves you, you love him. There can't be anything better than this, now stop thinking about the damage control you'll suffer when its over and just enjoy it.
Sanji was happy. He loved Zoro, honestly and truly. At the same time though, he knew, in the back of his mind, he wanted to know.
What would it be like to say vows? Have an actual honeymoon? Sleep in the same bed, in the same house, wake up to them every day, knowing they'll be there? What would it be like?
To be honest, an eternity with Zoro didn't sound all that bad.
He wouldn't mind it. He wouldn't mind it at all.
Author's Note #2: The thank-yous!
Random Person (x2): Yeah, the French talking's going to come in later, but it will come! Also, in order to work more on Sanji's point of view, (cause I kinda suck at it, I know), I decided that a lot of stories will be primarily told by Sanji's point of view so I get better at it. Stories like Tag, Speechless, The Yakuza's Son and Of Denial, Crookedness and Sexy Therapists will also be told primarily by Sanji. Of course I do love Zoro's character so there will be his point of view in plenty of places, just not as frequently as Sanji's. I do hope to be able to find a story where I can do an alternating point of view like this one soon though as well.
JustCallMeLucie: Thanks!
Shizuka Taiyou (x2): Well I randomly had French sneak up on me for that chapter so it just kind of was THERE. I feel like I'm going on a marathon here though, keep screwing up wonderful characters, Kuina is now on that list. I had fun there, I was just like, Sanji had a horrible, submissive memory in the kitchen, let's have a hot, steamy, dominant one! So yeah, me evening out Sanji's bad memories and well, using oil.
S.P. Tripathi: You're right, I really do need to go through the chapter again, which is what I'll be doing. As for our little thing, I plan on it being the 25th story I publish (you know, one that's a big deal) so it might not come out for a while since I want it to be really good. I'm reading some Harry Potter stuff to refresh my memory (haven't touched that archive in forever to be honest ...)
rlk19952: You're right!
lilcutieprincess: Well, it seems I'm updating more on Saturdays, doesn't it? It's been a pretty busy week so I was pretty happy I got this chapter done, but chapter 39 will take longer. I plan on it being longer than the Valentine's Day chapter, which, need I remind you, was over 13 thousand words.
crystalbluefox: Okay, I don't know if I mentioned it to you, but I LOVE long reviews, they make me really happy when the e-mail I get notifying me of the review is like, "The message has been shortened due to its length". I have to say, you might've sent me the longest review I've ever received! Thank you senpai! The fact that someone so much older than me is appreciating my works, it makes me beyond happy! If I do start Like Heroin or The Yakuza's Son in November, the problem will be that I'll be in an exam period throughout December and then off to Florida for two weeks so you guys wouldn't hear from me for like, a month. Then again, to publish a first chapter and watch the reaction for a while could be good. I also always come back from trips with a million new ideas. I think it's cause I need to get out more. I don't know if you meant to share something so personal about yourself about your grandfather, but I really appreciate that you let a complete stranger know about your troubles and such.
Nachtwolke: Kenshin, or Himura Kenshin (I think it's Himura, it could be something like that, I haven't read it in a while) is the main protagonist of Rurouni Kenshin, about a wandering swordsmans who has vowed never to kill again, in the meiji period (I think) where they've banned swords. He fights to protect those who are around him and though he cannot protect everyone, he will settle for those within his sight. I really do love the series, I make several mentions of it in the story, the most obvious one being that for Sanji's birthday, they go to see the last live action Rurouni Kenshin film. I need four math books because the government is stupid and can't condense all the learning material into one book, so now it's in two and as for the other two math books, it's cause the government ones have like no exercises in it, so yeah, now I have four math textbooks. And yes, Sanji will speak more French and get Zoro all hot and bothered in public, but as you could tell, not in this chapter.
Now what did Zoro tell Sanji? The first thing he said was "You're beautiful, you're really beautiful", then the next thing he said which was much longer, was this: "You're mine. And I'm yours, always. I love you, Sanji, I love you so much. You're mine, only for me, no one else can have you and it's the same for me, I'm also yours, only yours, no one else's. I love you." So I don't think anywhere in this story these boys will say "I love you" properly and written in the English dialect, but there's something about other languages that I very much enjoy.
Now for my question: when Moodie mentions marriage, in one version (which I realize is not this one) she mentions the US and Sweden. Now here's my question: what are the the LGBT rights in Sweden? Do you think Sweden is going the right way with their LGBT rights?
Now for another question: have you voted yet? Because I really would like to know. I've worked a lot on Speechless, on the ride to school I'm writing it in this notebook and praying no one reads over my shoulder, and I've written a couple thousand words for The Yakuza Son. I've got a bit for Tag done too. I plan on writing them all, but I really want to know what you guys want to be published first. I also have plots planned out for chapters of the Sexy Therapist story.
Last but not least: here's a fun question. How old do you think I, the writer of this story, am? I'm really interested in knowing. Afterwards, tell me if you actually do want to know my age.
