Author's Note: Okay so look at that, this chapter is early! I am SO SORRY IT'S SO SHORT! The next chapter probably won't be that long either and it'll be the last one! I can't believe how long this story is or all the progress I've made with it! Dear God it'll need tons of editing! I have a dare for you guys: to read Zoro's speech the way it's written. You're probably going to get red in the face ... I don't own One Piece. I can't believe that the next chapter will be the last! Also, I've narrowed down the next One Piece story to a select few I will mention below, so you guys should tell me in your review out of the remaining few which one you want most so I can get started! Lastly, I actually started to write a story on Fictionpress under the username Otaku Not Weeaboo called Strange Taste, so maybe check that out? It's only got one chapter though ...


Beautiful Disaster
By: Setkia


Full Summary

Sanji is the assistant cook of the world-renowned restaurant, the Baratie, the only restaurant like it in the world. He's a successful chef and flirts with the customers every chance he can get but there's a problem. It's all a facade. The cooks give a new meaning to the word "abusive", both mental and physical. The only thing keeping Sanji alive is his love for cooking and a good ol' pack of cigarettes.

Zoro Roronoa is a swordsman who suddenly has more change in his pocket than he expected and enters the Baratie by recommendation. His waiter happens to be a curly browed man with an adoration for cigarettes. An attempt speak to the head chef goes horribly wrong and he gets sucked into the crumbling world of the chef's, wondering how he can possibly save him and better yet, why does he want to save him in the first place?


Chapter 41: Endlessly

There's a shop down the street,
where they sell plastic rings,
for a quarter a piece, I swear it.
Yeah, I know that it's cheap,
not like gold in your dreams,
but I hope that you'll still wear it.

-The Cab, Endlessly


Rings were expensive. For some unknown reason, Zoro was only realizing this now. Once, a few years ago, though now that he thought about it, it wasn't all that long ago, he had bought a ring with Nami. It had worn a hole in his pocket the entire time it was there and it felt absolutely dreadful that he could never actually find his voice to speak and tell her what he had wanted to, but now of course, he was going to through the unspeakable hell that was finding another ring, this time for a man just because of a phone conversation that had occurred a few days ago.

Well no, it wasn't just any phone conversation.

Epiphanies, they didn't happen often to Zoro. He could count them on one hand, he had a lot of things he could count on one hand now that he thought about it (number of relationships, number of people he fucked, number of people he had been fucked by, number of swords he owned). Needless to say Zoro hated epiphanies. They weren't pleasant.

He remembered his first ever epiphany had been sometime while he had been in the shower, nineteen and busy rinsing his hair out and then BAM! He realized he was still a pathetic virgin and was going to be twenty soon.

Fast forward to age of twenty-one, after a night with Kuina when they had first started their strange relationship he realized that oh dear God he was in a friends with benefits relationship and did he really want that?

Twenty-two and nine months when he realized she was truly gone and she was never coming back.

Twenty-three, he was falling in love again and this time it was a man who thought of himself with such low standards, it was heartbreaking.

And now, in the present (or rather, a few days ago), April, Zoro Roronoa of age twenty-three, realized that perhaps a reason he wanted to stay in France could've been because there it was legal. Marriage that was.

And so now Zoro stood in a jewellery store, looking remarkably out of place, with Vivi, Kaya and Nami staring at the glittery merchandise that cost far too much. It was pretty simple, if gay marriage was illegal in Japan, Zoro could deal with it. Rather instead, he'd get Sanji a promise ring. Those things were practically like marriage rings anyway, he didn't need some stupid chapel to declare his undying love for the man.

"What about this?" asked Nami, pointing towards a silver ring with three diamonds in it.

Zoro shook his head. "Think budget, remember?"

"You guys are practically loaded since you started to take money from the fights, you're just being cheap," Nami accused him.

"But seriously doesn't that look like a girly ring?" Zoro asked, staring at the diamonds embedded into the ring. He frowned. "It's just so … sparkly."

"Is Zoro Roronoa being sexist?"

Zoro shook his head almost immediately. No, sexist people were people who broke people down, who discriminated, who killed her. He would never be sexist. But still … "It's just really flashy, do you really think he'd like it?"

"It's coming from you Zoro, I don't think he really cares what he gets, he isn't even expecting anything in the first place," Vivi pointed out. "And besides, you've been proving time and time again that you are not the horrible gift-giver we assumed you were. Which means I'm expecting something nice for my birthday," she added with a smile.

"But—"

"Why not get it for him?" asked Kaya. "You're in a serious relationship, and they're right, he's liked everything you've given him so far so why not go for it?"

"I don't have that much money," Zoro reminded them. "There's rent to pay, the cost of all the food we buy, the electricity bill that we have to pitch in partly for, the cost of gas, the cost of the shampoo, essentials, it adds up to a lot and that ring had to be worth more than a ten thousand yen. And it's sparkly."

"Sexist," Nami muttered under her breath.

Zoro frowned. "You know I'm not," he said in a huff.

"I was kidding," Nami said, rolling her eyes. "Look, you want to do something for Sanji? Then how about instead of having us pick his ring, you choose it yourself? It'll be more personal that way. What's his ring-size?"

Zoro gave her a blank look.

"You do know his ring size, don't you?" Nami asked. Zoro continued to stare at her. "Don't you?"

Zoro turned his head away. "It never really came up."

"Unbelievable!" Nami sighed. "You're utterly hopeless."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Zoro muttered.

"No, Zoro's right, the topic of ring size doesn't really come up often in a typical conversation, does it? Especially between two men," said Vivi.

"Thank you!"

"But you really should find out," said Kaya. "I mean it would be sad if you spent all that money and it didn't even fit the guy."

Zoro rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I just … I don't know." He did know though. He wanted it to be a surprise, asking Sanji for his ring-size would be like telling him the entire plan Zoro had in his mind, that just so happened to not include Sanji finding out.

"Well, tell us when you know, alright?" Kaya asked in that kind voice of hers and Zoro swore, she was a saint. More so than Nami would ever be, the addicted gambler she was.

Zoro followed the girls to the exit of the store numbly, wondering how much else he didn't know about Sanji. Sure, ring-size hardly mattered, but what else did he not know? Sanji had become pretty open, he supposed there wasn't much. And then he realized a problem.

Sanji was loaded.

Technically, Zoro had never seen his money or anything like that, but Sanji told him that Zeff gave him his pay for working at the Baratie, even if he wasn't at the Baratie now since he knew where he lived (which made Zoro scared the strangely-moustached man would come and murder him in his sleep). The Baratie was a place where your salary was always high, never minimum wage. Sanji had money, he had said it to Zoro a few times as an argument to pay the rent. He still wasn't allowed to pay, despite how ridiculous Sanji had begun to think it was.

The differences between the two of them suddenly became very obvious to him.

Sanji worked, or rather, had worked at the Baratie, the high-class restaurant with the most amazing food Zoro had ever tasted. He had met high-class people: lawyers, celebrities, relatively nice and agreeable accountants probably, along with astronauts and future Diet members. He lived in a completely different world from Zoro. Zoro worked in Kendo, which gave him money to pay the bills, let him pay rent and sometimes even then, he couldn't manage it. Sure, they were fairly even now, having the money they got from their fights (which then made Zoro wonder if he was using illegal money), but Sanji would always have that starting advantage over him.

Sanji was so polite and seemed to have the manners Zoro's friends always said he lacked. It was no secret that Sanji just seemed comfortable in front of others, or at least, he was less awkward and fumbling as Zoro. He had the looks and a sort of natural charm about him that attracted women and a grace that Zoro couldn't seem to compete with. He was glad that he and Sanji weren't rivals, he already knew he was losing in several categories, but what about Sanji? What did he see in Zoro?

Zoro wasn't a very insecure person. Sure, he wondered if he his breath stank or maybe if the new shirt he bought looked stupid, but he was pretty comfortable in his own skin. He wasn't sure why, he just had a confidence about him that made him almost completely at ease with himself and who he was. Except for now.

Zoro wondered why he had never noticed it earlier, but he was tall. Did Sanji not like that? Though, there was only one centimetre difference, but still ... He was younger than Sanji, practically a child. He could never imagine half of the things Sanji had been through, couldn't even dream of what it was like, couldn't fathom it. He walked in a clunky way that kind of reminded him of stiff soldiers in a line, he watched rather pathetic dramas on TV, he had been drinking until recently ...

Was Zoro out of his league here?

Zoro was very athletic. He performed in kendo and martial arts, kenjutsu was one of his specialties. His hands were calloused and his skin was rough, his hair was just a tad spiky. Sanji had beautiful, porcelain skin, Zoro looked a bit like burnt toast. Sanji had sophisticated clothes that showed his dignity and pride in himself while Zoro sometimes looked in the mirror and thought of himself as a hobo.

Dear God, why was Sanji with him?

"Zoro?"

Zoro shook his head and turned to Vivi. "Hmm?"

"You okay?"

"Fine," Zoro replied, his voice sounding distant even to himself.

"Are you sure?" asked Kaya.

"Yup." Oh Dear God, had he just said "yup"?

"If you're sure," Vivi said slowly with a slight frown on her face.

"I'm sure," Zoro said in a clipped voice.

"Oi, Zoro!" Nami slapped him on the back forcefully. "Don't you owe me twenty hundred?"

Zoro's eyes widened in surprise, his thoughts heading elsewhere from his sudden realization of his unworthiness. "What? Why?"

"Remember I dragged you to the hospital after you got yourself cut up like that?"

Zoro's eyes widened even more. "That was back in November!"

"Yeah well, you think it was easy lugging your heavy body to the hospital?" Nami grinned mischievously. "I'm expected to be paid back with interest."

Thus began the argument about how she was his friend and therefore should not charge him for getting into a stupid situation, since that was absolutely pointless and Nami had achieved her goal of distracting Zoro from his over-thinking mind.


"Why do we need to be here again?"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "There's a leak in the sink. Would you rather we called a plumber and you could pay for them?"

Zoro refocused his attention towards the array of pipes and other plumber-like things that he just didn't understand. If he was going to be perfectly honest, he was pretty sure he and Sanji might just make the sink worse. He also couldn't see why they didn't just use duct-tape, considering it was the very thing that seemed to make the world go round.

Out of nervous habit, Zoro placed his hand into a random box of items and let his hand wander around before he took it out and started to play with it. It was a rather large hexagon shaped bolt? Was that the right word? He didn't know much about plumbing.

As he twiddled his fingers and played with it, it slipped fairly easily onto his finger. "What's this?" he asked Sanji, holding up his finger.

"A digit? Your index finger?" Sanji rolled his eyes. "You're not so stupid that you don't know what your own fingers look like, are you?"

"Ahou, I wasn't talking about that, I meant this." Zoro gestured towards the strange bolty-thing attached to his finger.

"That's a nut," Sanji said. "You use it with bolts. We don't need one though, I don't think we do at least ..." Sanji seemed to lose himself in thought for a moments before shaking his head. "No, we don't need it."

Zoro shrugged and pulled at the "nut". It did not come off.

"Um, Sanji?"

Sanj turned around from inspecting a pipe to see Zoro trying (and failing) to get the nut off his finger. "Marimo, what did you do?"

"Nothing, it just got stuck!" Zoro snapped, glaring at his stupid index finger.

"You've got rough calluses," Sanji said, shaking his head. "And now you have a nut stuck to your finger, great. We're going to have to buy it, won't we? Unless there's butter somewhere around here?"

"Why do we need buffer?"

"Lube?" Sanji said as though it were obvious.

Zoro stared at him, blushing furiously.

"Not like that, ahou!" Sanji snapped.

Zoro blushed even harder for thinking like that. He turned his head away and shrugged. "You can't blame me and it's not like I said it aloud or anything …"

Sanji sighed, shaking his head. "Let's just pretend that never happened, alright?"

Zoro nodded enthusiastically. He'd prefer if his embarrassment was only minimal. "I think we need to buy it though," Zoro said, staring at the nut. "It doesn't seem like it'll come off."

"This could only ever happen to you, couldn't it?" Sanji said with a sigh.

The two bought the nut, along with the new piping they needed.


"Where does this thing go?" asked Zoro. Lying on his back underneath the sink was a hazard in his opinion. At any moment, he could just bolt right up and smack his head. Why had he decided not to ask for a plumber to deal with the situation again?

"Um, it says it goes to the left," said Sanji. "Make two Ls with your hands, the one that's a forwards L is your left."

"I know the difference between left and right," Zoro snapped, rolling his eyes. He still checked though.

"Okay, then you screw it in," Sanji explained.

"Screw what where?" Zoro asked.

"Here, let me help."

CLANG!

Zoro tried to sit up and hit his head, predictably, on the pipes underneath the sink. He laid back down and instead made a kicking motion with his feet. "Don't just touch my thigh like that!" he snapped, blushing furiously.

"Get out of there, I'll just do it," Sanji said, rolling his eyes. He pulled at Zoro's legs, forcing him from under the sink. "I know the instructions and I know my cardinal points."

Zoro huffed, but obliged.

"Where's the butter?" he asked.

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"This stupid fucking nut is still stuck to my knuckle," he reminded Sanji. "And I kinda want to get it off."

Sanji sighed. "Do you seriously not know where the butter in your own apartment is?"

"Ours."

"What?"

To be honest, Zoro hadn't even realized he had blurted out his thoughts. Sanji was frozen, underneath the sink, his legs on a complete stop, his hands refusing to move. "Nothing," Zoro said quickly.

"No, what did you say?" Sanji pressed. "I can get out from under here and tickle you to death you know," Sanji reminded him.

Zoro shivered involuntarily. "I just said … it's ours. It's our apartment."

Sanji came out from under the sink and grinned at Zoro.

"What? I told you, you can't attack me now! If you do, that'll just mean you're being an asshole— Umph?"

Sanji shut him up fairly quickly with a kiss, pulling him down to his level by grabbing the bottom of Zoro's shirt and forcing him to fall onto him. The swordsman grinned foolishly against the cook's lips and pulled him closer, caressing the back of his head.

Unfortunately, oxygen is necessary and therefore Zoro had to pull away. He grinned. "What was that for, Curly Brow?"

"Couldn't stand to hear your stupidity much longer," Sanji replied, his stupid expression matching Zoro's. "Sorry."

Zoro smirked. "Well I suppose I should say more stupid things, shouldn't I?"

"Perhaps," Sanji said with a grin.

Zoro went in for another kiss, threading his fingers through Sanji's hair. It was so soft and it calmed him, running his fingers through his hair so gently. That was, until he had to tug and Sanji let out a sudden wince.

"The nut," said Sanji. "I think it got caught."

Zoro sighed. "Okay, we really need to get this thing off of me," he said. Slowly he tried to pull his hand away, attempting to pull his hand out of Sanji's hair. Well, this felt awkward. "How much would you hate having butter in your hair?"

Sanji's look was all he needed to answer his rather, admittedly dumb, question.

"Right, I'll get on it then."

It took seven minutes and thirty-nine seconds. Yes, Zoro had such clumsiness within him.

Once Zoro's hand was finally out of Sanji's hair, the blond immediately got the butter out of the fridge to avoid having this awful experience again.

The nut slipped off of his finger fairly easily once it was greased enough. Sanji sighed. "Fifty yen for this?" He shook his head. "We don't even need it. And how the fuck did you get it stuck on your finger?"

Zoro shrugged. He just had skills like that.

Sanji twirled the nut around in his hand before slipping it onto his finger.

"Don't do that, we'll have to get more butter!"

"It's fine," Sanji said. "I don't have big meaty hands like yours," he teased. Slipping it off his finger once more, he handed it back to Zoro. "Anyway, I'm going to finish fixing the sink and then hopefully doing the dishes won't be hell anymore."

With that, Sanji left to finish fixing that damn pipe while Zoro had a brilliant idea.


Now to put that great idea into action was a completely different thing all together.

Of course doing this the first time was basically impossible for him and had not actually happened, so how the hell was he going to do it this time? So many things had changed between when he had wanted to do it for her and now.

Jesus Christ, Zoro was pretty sure he was having a heart attack.

Keeping the nut which wasn't actually a ring in his pocket sort of helped, but not really, he really should have bought a real ring. The girls were kind of right, Zoro kinda was a cheap ass, but still! Zoro had to plan out the most perfect way possible to ask Sanji (metaphorically since you know, gay marriage was illegal in Japan …) so there was no way this could be done stupidly. Like say, Sanji finding out about it sort of by doing the laundry and accidentally coming across it inside one of Zoro's jean pockets and then asking him what it was? Yeah, that couldn't happen.

But it did anyway.

"That," Zoro said slowly, "is something I was meaning to throw out."

Idiot.

Sanji raised an eyebrow. "So do you want me to just toss it now?"

"No!"

Sanji gave him a strange look. "Okay … You're acting weird Zoro, is something up?"

"Nothing," Zoro said quickly. Too quickly.

"Okay well if you want to throw it out, there garbage's right there so—"

"You can't throw it out!"

Sanji blinked. "Why can't I? You just said you wanted to toss it, it isn't good to become a hoarder, you know, Marimo."

"I lied!"

Sanji shook his head. "Okay, start telling me this slowly and properly, alright? From the beginning? And remember to breathe in between, I don't want a repeat of Valentine's Day where it looked like you were going to start hyperventilating."

"I kinda sort of thought about Paris, right? And how we went there and I said we should totally stay there because why not, they have nice gay laws and are nice to LGBT people except for whatever bastards you thought existed in the streets, so yeah, Paris is nice, yeah? Okay so then on the way back on the plane I kinda came across this realization as to why exactly I wanted to stay there and I think it might have something to do with Freud, not that I put much faith in psychology as you know but my mind was subconsciously telling me I wanted to get married, which is weird cause I'm twenty-three, I haven't experienced all of life yet and why limit myself by marriage but then I realize I wouldn't be limiting myself because of who I wanted to marry, which is where you come in, well, hopefully where you should come in because I mean it'd be really bad if I were cheating on you— which I would never do by the way— and so then I was like, I should buy a ring, shouldn't I? But the laws of a marriage for gay people in Japan are pretty fucked up and so then I'm kinda wondering why we have a gay red-light district and yet no marriage laws for gays … But anyway so then I was like, let's go shopping with all the girls and buy a ring but then I realized I didn't know your ring size and that you have money and are polite and look really, really beautiful in clothing— and without, cause you know, I'm male, I have hormones and yeah I'm going to stop talking about that subject right now— and you're very sophisticated and you know Latin, which no one ever knows which could mean you're like a wise, old soul but yeah and no, you're not that much older than me so I wasn't trying to make fun of your age and anyway so then I realized that I was way in over my head but then Nami distracted me now that I think about it so I haven't thought about it in a while so yeah, that happened and now I'm thinking about it again because my God are you beautiful and I'm a weird piece of burnt toast, and not even French toast, which I don't know exactly why they call it French toast, same way I don't know why it's called a French kiss, but anyway, moving onwards from that topic. So yeah I'm basically scum at the bottom of your shoe and you ahem every right to refuse me but I'm absolutely, completely, irrevocably —don't smirk like that, I didn't have to look up the word, I know it, I'm not totally stupid— in love with you and I would absolutely love it if we could spend eternity together which is really a long, long time and I realize how far we've come in such little time from being acquaintances to begin kidnapper and captive and then therapist and therapist for a little bit and then friends and then boyfriends which is amazing and if that's as far as you want to go with me, I'm okay with that but I swear Sanji, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I'ms sorry if I'm rushing and I'm red in the face but I think I just realized how incredibly long this has been and how I've completely embarrassed myself trying to tell you that I accidentally got a nut stuck on my finger and then you put it on yours and it looked perfect so I wanted to give it to you as a promise ring because Japan law is stupid and has a think against gays and is so homophobic for a country that created yaoi and if you would accept it I would absolutely love to spend the rest of my existence with you, however short or long it may be, depending on how much my stupidity controls my actions so I guess what I'm trying to say is this is the temporary ring before Japan finally changes its damn mind and lets us get married with chapels and churches and all that shit and we're not eloping because you know how well that worked out for Romeo and Juliet and oh dear God I think I'm hyperventilating please stop me before I do something even more stupid—omph."

When they pulled away, Sanji smirked. "Had to stop your stupidity."

"Feel free to, any time," Zoro said with a grin. "So is this okay?" he asked. "I mean my failure of a ring and all."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "We're buying a real one."

And that was that.


Author's Note #2: Okay first the thank-yous!

Random person: OH THANK GOD! You have no idea how much I was stressing over that!

Shizuka Taiyou: I found that this story ended up portraying Zoro as more of a perve ...

JustCallMeLucie: To each your own, I finished the book and I can't handle it, my mind just totally combusted.

Ringochan94: Which is why I have a policy that every yaoi story I write shall have both people as ukes and semes. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I read a Sirius and Remus story in which James, Lily and Peter were discussing who they thought topped in the relationship until Sirius and Remus turn up and are like, "Ever heard of taking turns?" and I was like, "YES! DEAR GOD YES!"

versora: For some reason, your comment made me think of Ed from FMA and a comment on how many right hand gloves he goes through. Sanji WOULD kill Zoro for ruining his shirt though.

noir: Sorry ...

I'mSecretlyANinjaTimeLord: If you'd give me the name of the story, I'd check it out if you want ... Oh my God, but Dan and Phil, their archive is so depressing ... You know there's a web shows section on this site? I never knew it existed, but Dan and Phil, everyone's convinced that a) Phan is real, and b) Phil, or Dan is suicidal. WHY?! WHY KILL THEM?! THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL! AND THEY WROTE A BOOK, THEY WROTE A FRIGGING BOOK! Sorry, I just watched the making of the book and now I have to go to the local book store and buy it. It's over 200 pages with full-colour pictures! Pardon my fangirling ...

lilcutieprincess: I've said this before, but I'll say it again: THANK GOD!

X. summergrey .X. (x6): OH MY GOD! Just kind of watching as each day I got a new review from this one person who found my story and is reading it and catching up... I can't describe it. I'm so glad you like this story! I'm always slightly afraid to enter fandons for fear that I'll screw them up or something, especially with AUs, I'm so beyond glad you like this! You should watch me watch anime, I get so into it, I start screaming and my parents are like, "is she having a seizure?" Would you believe me if I said you were the only person who caught that? The breathing thing? (I apologize, I had to write your username this way or else the stupid thing would take it out.)

crystalbluefox: Okay, first of all: I would love to read your original story while you work on it, (if it's in English, sorry my vocabulary only reaches English, French, a tad of Spanish and Japanese ...) and second are you ready for this? My parents always tell me that writing is an impractical form of career, so that I could be something like a lawyer, but on the side be an author of law crime books. Thing is, I've been writing since I was 9 and I've actually written a few books (not published) and my last birthday present wish was to have it published. There's this thing that I can't remember the name of, but if you have a manuscript of a book, you can send it to them and they'll make it for 300 dollars and then you get 10 copies of the book and it's sold in your local book store and so I just want to perfect the book before I get my birthday present. Might have to wait till I'm in my 20s though since it could take a while ... But anyway, yeah, I really want to write. I do like law, I have an interest in criminal law specifically because there's just something about a courtroom that I really like. I would like to write and make a living like that, like say, JK Rowling, but not everyone can be her and make money by writing and nothing else. Someone actually told me to change the names and make it into an original story for publishing, and I would, but the problem is a lot of the plot relies on Zoro's three-sword style and them being Japanese and Sanji being an out-cast cause he's a Japanese with blond hair and I don't think I could get away with that without copyright infringement. So yeah, I hope my strange creative writing/law dream isn't too boring for you. I think it's great that you want to own a restaurant, I kinda just think if I could have my own work published and would be able to hold it in my very own hands, I could die happily, I just really want to see a printed final copy of this series I've been writing that I've devoted over five years of my life to and know that it didn't go to waste.

Okay now the final stories that you guys on the polls have narrowed it down to are these (I'm saying the top 3):

Tag: Sanji hates taggers, graffiti artists who vandalize the city, and to his great rage, they've decided that the back wall of the Baratie will be their next target. But as much as Sanji hates those "artists", he finds himself falling in love with a tagger who signs their art with a jolly roger with three swords. Will he still feel the same way when he finds out who it is?

The Yakuza's Son: Sanji's having a shitty day and the fact that some idiot ran over his last pack of cigarettes is doing nothing to improve his mood. When the strangely green-haired man gets out of his car to yell at him, Sanji just snaps. How was he supposed to know the shitty Marimo was the hier to the yakuza?!

Speechless: Three years. It had been three years the last time he had uttered a word. No one asked him why, he wouldn't answer even if they did. It had just become a fact: Sanji did not speak.

So there you have it, the top 3 stories for my next One Piece story. My question for this chapter: which one of these do you want me to write?