FOR FERN,

SLEEP TIGHT, ANGEL.


"If you're going through hell,

Keep going."

-Winston Churchill


CHAPTER NINE – Thousand Yard Stare


Rick and the others had been gone an hour when Amy and Carol dragged me down to the quarry so I could wash my dirty clothes. We sat just at the water's edge, sitting on milk crates so our asses didn't get wet like our feet did, cleaning clothes and exchanging small talk. Well, Amy and I talked. Carol was mostly silent, because her husband was lurking somewhere behind us, watching us like a predator watches his prey.

It was almost normal, if we excluded the Master Frog Catchers goofing around in the lake just in front of us. Shane was teaching Carl how to catch frogs, although they hadn't caught any, and were unlikely to with all the ruckus they were making. It was nice, though. Watching Carl just being a kid, and Shane playing around and being less serious. That's all he'd been since Rick and I had gotten into camp. Serious Shane. I guess leading the group had been hard on him, trying to keep all these people happy and alive. Maybe with Rick and I showing up, we could divide the labor, make things easier on him.

Andrea and Jacqui joined us, just after Shane had managed to fully submerge himself, now soaked from head to toe, splashing water towards Carl and telling him to catch the frogs that weren't jumping towards the boy. Jacqui was grumbling under her breath, and when she was in hearing distance, I started to be able to make out what she was saying.

"Can someone explain to me how the women wound up doing all the Hattie McDaniel work?" She asked us, as we all continued scrubbing the laundry, trying to get all the dirt out of the cloth as best we could, given that we'd been practically sent back to Middle Age cleaning methods, as we used three metal scrubbing boards to beat off the dirt, and Andrea was forced to use a brush.

"The world ended. Didn't you get the memo?" Amy snarked, and I smirked at her response.

"It's just the way it is." Carol replied more seriously, as she and Amy handed Jacqui a couple of newly cleaned shirts to put in a basket to be taken back to camp.

"So…what's with you and Rick?" Amy questioned, and I barked out a laugh in surprise at her bluntness. Was it that obvious that I was in love with my best friend?

"I already asked that once. He said it's complicated." Andrea answered for me.

"What the hell does that mean?" Jacqui asked, and Andrea shrugged her shoulders. "You two always look damn cozy for 'complicated'. You basically gravitate towards each other. Isn't this the longest you've been apart since you found him?"

"Yeah, and we're not complicated. It's just White Knight Syndrome. I saved his life, he's feeling even more attached and connected with me. It's nothing to make something out of." I lied, partly, because I was in love with him and he was half married or half divorced with a kid, so it was complicated, and partly, because I had no idea how he actually felt. If he had thought we were just friends, he would have told Andrea that, wouldn't he? I had no idea why he had told her it was complicated, because it was, but I had thought that it was only complicated on my end, not his.

"That's not it. The way he looks at you, and you look at him, there's something more there." Andrea suggested, and I took a deep breath, not looking towards her and her knowing glance, as I focused on cleaning the shirt I had worn to Atlanta.

"Do you love him?" Amy questioned, and I froze. I know I did, but I've never admitted aloud to anyone, not even myself.

"Uh…can we talk about something else please? Like how badly it sucks using this freaking washboard?" I laughed nervously, desperate to change the subject.

"I do miss my Maytag." Carol agreed, and I shot her a grateful smile. At least someone knew when to let sleeping dogs lie.

"I miss my Benz, my sat-nav." Andrea shared.

"I miss my coffeemaker, with that dual-drip filter and built-in grinder, honey." Jacqui described, and I hummed at the mention of coffee. The coffee at army bases was basically just black sludge, but it was coffee, and I lived on caffeine fixes, especially when I ran out of cigarettes. I needed a hit of something, nicotine or caffeine, it didn't matter to me, as long as it relieved my stress at the end of a difficult day or mission.

"My computer…and texting." Amy added, and I smiled. Amy seemed so mature for her age, at times, despite the love of mythical creatures, that it was easy to forget she was still quite young.

"I miss nicotine." I said. I'd had to ration my cigarettes, since I only had eight left in my case now. When I was really desperate for a nicotine fix, I'd have one, but until then I'd hold out.

"I miss my vibrator." Andrea confessed, and I chuckled along with Amy, nudging Andrea with my shoulder.

To be honest, I just missed sex and being intimate with a man. I hadn't gotten laid for about eight months before this all happened. The last time was with a fellow soldier, and we'd just survived a surprise attack from Iraqi rebels and came away unscathed, unlike some of the men we had joined up with on a scouting mission. We'd been relieved of duty for a week, so we'd gotten drunk that night, and ended up sleeping together any chance we got for the rest of that week. It was more comfort than real connection, and we didn't really get a chance to explore anything more serious, since he was gunned down, KIA, two days after returning to active duty.

"Me too." Carol replied, causing us all to laugh louder in surprise. Carol was so reserved and shy, that to hear her say that was almost scandalous. Especially with Ed seeming to make her more of an introvert than anything.

Speaking of, Ed must've heard his wife enjoying herself as he walked up behind us, puffing on a smoke.

"What's so funny?" He questioned, and his looming presence seemed to sober us all, Carol even more so. I think we all noticed the difference between light, laughing Carol, and oppressed, tense, wary Carol.

"Just swapping war stories, Ed." Andrea replied casually, though we exchanged wary glances. I guess I wasn't the only one who thought Ed wasn't exactly the best guy, or even a good guy.

"Yeah." Carol backed up, turning back to her washing and trying to ignore her husband's intimidation techniques. If she asked me, I was confident I could have him on his back, choking on dirt, in no time at all. Carol was too good to ask that though, too dutiful a wife.

Ed didn't take the wordless dismissal of us all returning to work, though, he just walked ever closer to us with that damn cigarette between his fingers. Carol's body was tenser than a soldier walking into a crowded Afghan street and spotting wires, and I didn't like that her husband was able to do that to her without even saying more than three words. Andrea seemed to share my thoughts as she turned back round to face the big believed brute.

"Problem, Ed?" She questioned, and I arched my brow at him, daring him to respond.

"Not that concerns you. And you ought to focus on your work. This ain't no comedy club."

Andrea and I scoffed, but continued to work, despite the fact Ed remained behind us, even scolding Carol over not doing his laundry right. I rolled my eyes, dropping my pants back into the bucket of soapy water, and stood up at the same time Andrea did.

"Ed, tell you what…you don't like how your laundry is done, you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. Here." Andrea smiled sarcastically at him, gently tossing him the wet shirt in her hands.

Ed caught it, throwing it back to her with more force than necessary, the wet shirt hitting her hard in the chest. I stepped closer to her, squaring my shoulders and crossing my arms across my chest, standing taller. This was Military Thea coming out to play, and he did not want that, if he wanted to walk away without a black eye.

"Ain't my job, missy." Ed grunted, still puffing away on his smoke, an all too casual vibe coming off him.

"Andrea, Thea, don't." Amy warned us, standing behind us, her hand on Andrea's arm.

"What is your job, Ed? Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?" Andrea questioned, and I saw the shift in Ed's beady eyes. He did not like someone standing up to him, especially a woman.

"It sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart-mouthed bitch, I'll tell you what," Ed snapped, dropping his smoke on the ground, and gesturing to Carol. "Come on, let's go."

Carol climbed to her feet, but I waved her back, and she hesitated.

"I don't think she needs to go with you, Ed." I informed him, stepping forward a little bit more, putting myself in between Ed and the other women.

Ed was a tall guy, so I had to crane my neck a little to keep eye contact, but his size didn't intimidate me. Some of my army buddies had been built like brick shithouses, towering over me at six feet or more and I still took them down in training. It's just all about knowing how to use the height difference or weight difference to your own advantage, and my drill sergeant had taught me well.

"I don't know who you are, but I say it's none of your business," Ed brushed me off, but I stood tall and stayed where I was. He practically snapped his fingers at Carol, and I knew I couldn't let her go with him. She'd get hurt. "Come on now, you heard me."

"Carol." Andrea placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to stop her from moving forward, but Carol started mumbling excuses for them. I didn't move though, keeping Ed's stare, and making sure that he didn't have access to his wife.

He didn't like that.

"Hey, don't think I won't knock you on your ass, just cos you're some army wannabe, all right?" Ed threatened, and I laughed at his attempt to belittle me, and Andrea scoffed from behind me. Ed just pointed one of his large, fat fingers at his tiny wife, ignoring my death glare. "Now, you come on now, or you gonna regret it later."

"So she can show up with fresh bruises later, Ed? Yeah, we've seen them." Jacqui stepped in, and brought the topic right out into the open and confirmed my suspicions. Ed was an abusive asshole who beat on his kind, harmless, sweet as a peach wife. And shit like that did not fly with me.

"Stay out of this. You know what, this ain't none of y'all's business," Ed grunted, a sick smile on his face as he continued to threaten us. "You don't want to keep prodding the bull here, okay? Now, I am done talking."

He grabbed Carol by the arm, yanking her forward, and I saw the twisted grimace on Carol's face that said he had pulled her a little too hard.

"Come on." Ed practically growled at his wife, and both Andrea and I grabbed her arms to keep her with us.

"No, no. Carol, you don't have…" Andrea started, getting cut off by Ed suddenly exploding. Carol had been muttering under her breath, and Ed had seen that as talking back.

"You don't tell me what! I tell you what!" Ed yelled, smacking Carol across the face, knocking her to the side and into Amy, who quickly grabbed her and pulled her out of harm's way.

"I didn't want it to come to this, but hitting Carol was the wrong move to make." I sighed, before I stomped down on Ed's foot, kneeing him in the groin before bringing his face down onto my knee. He fell backwards, groaning, but got back to his feet quickly, much quicker than I expected from someone his size, and rushed towards us, trying to get his wife back from us.

The other women were all startled and yelling and screeching at Ed as he started to fight back, managing to punch me in the stomach, before I kicked him back, sending him back into the dust…and into Shane. Shane grabbed him by the shirt and forcibly dragged the wife-beater away from us women, ignoring Ed's grunts for freedom.

Shane threw him into the ground, before laying into him. And I mean, he really laid into him. He beat Ed until his face was covered in blood, and Andrea, Amy, Carol and Jacqui were begging him to stop the onslaught. Seeing that Shane wasn't going to stop, he was angry but there was more to it, I stepped in.

"Shane, honey, he's learned his lesson." I said softly, creeping forward so Shane didn't flip out on me. I didn't know what had made him that angry, but I would find out, away from the others. He had never flipped his lid that badly before.

Shane seemed to have heard me and my words registered, as his fists of fury stopped flying, and he glared down at the mess that was Ed's ugly face.

"You put your hands on your wife, your little girl, my best friend, or anybody else in this camp, I will not let her stop me next time. Do you hear me?" Shane questioned, grabbing Ed's face in one hand, and pulling it closer to him. "Do you hear me?"

"Yes." Ed practically squeaked, his voice slurring from the savage beating he took.

"I'll beat you to death, Ed." Shane warned, landing one last punch, before he staggered to his feet. Carol broke free of Andrea's hold then, sobbing hysterically as she dropped to her knees at her husband's side, begging him for forgiveness.

The other women all looked at Shane with a little apprehension and fear. He had gone a little far, but Ed deserved a taste of his own medicine. He beat on his wife, who clearly couldn't fight back herself, and I dread to think about what he did to that little girl of theirs.

Shane, seeing the disapproval in their faces, stormed off back up to camp, and I followed him, neither of us speaking until we were a good distance away from them. We were halfway to camp when Shane stopped suddenly, and I paused as well, waiting for him to say something.

"You think I went too far?" Shane questioned, not looking at me, his eyes on his boots.

"A little, but it wasn't like he didn't deserve it. He beats her. Sometimes a bully needs to know what it feels like to be the victim," I shrugged, and Shane finally locked eyes with me, knowing that I was on his side. "I also know that Ed beating on Carol wasn't all that was about. Something happen with Lori?"

"What makes you say that?" Shane's eyes darted to the floor, before coming back to rest on my face. It was his tell. Whenever he lied, he looked at the floor first before practically staring you down. I'd won a lot of money in poker games because of that particular facial tick.

"I've known you my whole life. I know all your faces, especially the 'I'm mooning after a girl' face. I get it. You and Lori thought Rick was dead, you found comfort in each other. I understand, and I'm not gonna judge you," I said, noticing his body tense at the first mention of him and Lori in a romantic sense, but relax as soon as I promised him that I understood. He knew that I couldn't ever hate him, especially not for loving somebody, even if she wasn't his to love. I mean, she wasn't Rick's wife anymore, but they hadn't exactly gotten Rick's blessing, had they? "I just want everyone to be happy, as happy as they can be at the end of the world, so…what happened?"

"She thinks I lied about-about Rick being dead. She thinks I said it so I could make a move on her. I-I-I wouldn't do that, you know I wouldn't! Rick is my brother, and I love him, and I wouldn't make a move on his ex, if he was still alive and able to give me permission," Shane rambled, relieved he had someone to talk about his problems with, since he couldn't exactly talk to Rick about them. "I tried to get him out of that hospital! You know I did! But everything was so crazy, bullets flying everywhere, people screaming, and I put my ear to his chest and I didn't hear nothing! Not a damn thing! Maybe it was the gunfire, or panic, or the walkers, but I didn't hear his heart beating, T, I swear!"

"I know, Curly, I believe you. I trust you. It's just…I guess Lori's feeling just as guilty about the whole situation as you are. I mean, according to Rick, they were only separated three months and he was in a coma for a month after that, before the outbreak," I tried my best to guess at an explanation, something that would have him torturing himself less, because I didn't want him to dive off the deep end into crazy town because of something like this. Shane could go crazy over a girl and had done in the past. Not 'The Shining' crazy, but crazy enough to worry about him now. "Their split is probably still fresh enough to her that it feels like she betrayed Rick by moving on with you. Just give her some time to work through things in her head. Don't smother her with explanations and apologies. I'm sure things will get better."

Shane smiled slightly, before pulling me into a hug with a heavy sigh. I wrapped my arms around his middle, hands gently stroking up and down his back, breathing in that familiar, almost comforting scent that was similar to Rick's but not quite. A mixture of sweat, the woods and a little body spray that Shane must be rationing. The smell of man, I thought, amusing myself.

"You always knew what to say to make me feel better." Shane muttered into my hair, and I smiled softly over his shoulder.

"I'm your best friend; making you feel better comes with the job." I said, squeezing him tight, before stepping away, taking him back to camp, sending a couple of guys down to help Carol with Ed.

Nobody questioned why Ed was beaten and bloodied. Maybe Dale had seen the whole thing from his perch on top of his RV, or maybe Ed's beating had been a long time coming and they realized that it was going to happen sooner or later.

It made me feel kind of sick to know that a lot of these people had realized that Ed was abusive to his wife, and maybe his daughter, but none of them had done a damn thing. Granted, it was Ed and Carol's marriage and wasn't really any of anyone's business, but I couldn't stand by, knowing it was happening. Especially since Carol was a kind, gentle woman. I'd seen that much in my brief time in camp. She did a lot of the 'women's work'; helping out with the laundry, the cooking, the ironing, the general upkeep, and never complained about it. She liked helping out. Carol had shown that much when she had taken it upon herself to wash Rick's uniform.

A woman like her, a person like her, didn't deserve the harsh treatment that Ed gave to her, and probably had given to her throughout their marriage and relationship. No woman, or man, deserved treatment like that.

I wondered whether Ed had ever been a nice guy that a nice girl like Carol would love and adore, or if he'd been a bad boy type that a good girl like Carol had tried to make better and change into someone nicer, but had failed and instead found herself being molded and transformed into the shell of the woman she had been before.

Whichever way it was, I was determined not to let Carol take anymore beatings from her husband. I don't care if people didn't approve of me interfering in her marriage, I was going to help her, in whatever way I could.

Even if it meant taking a hit for her, or giving back to him as good as Ed gave, I'd do it, because Carol, and more importantly her daughter, needed to see that they deserved someone standing up for them, that what Ed did wasn't right, wasn't good, and that they could survive without him, if needs be.

They wouldn't need Ed for protection from walkers, because they had a large group who loved them and wanted to protect them instead. We just needed to make Carol see that.


Once the Ed/Carol/Shane drama had died down, and everybody had gotten back to their chores, I finished my laundry and then joined Dale up on his RV. He'd said he didn't need my help on watch, but when I told him that I needed to be on watch, he seemed to understand what I wasn't saying and caved in.

I sat in Dale's folding chair, since he wanted to pace and stretch his legs a bit, scanning the skyline through the scope of my M4. My eyes would constantly leave the horizon to watch Dale, glad that the RV had a wide roof, but still worried that he might fall off the top of it as he walked back and forth.

Binoculars in hand, Dale scoped out the surrounding area, until he stopped his pacing, pausing long enough for it to be noticeable to me.

"What is it?" I questioned, looking up at him with wary eyes. He had definitely seen something disturbing going by the look on his face.

"What is he doing?" Dale pondered aloud, probably not even hearing my question. He seemed to be too sucked into his own thoughts to have acknowledged that I had even spoken at all.

I rose up from the chair, turning around and lifted the rifle, squinting down the scope as I tried to follow Dale's line of sight. I sighed when I saw it. Jim was digging in the stifling heat of the day. I'd had to roll the short sleeves of my t-shirt up, as well as the hem so that my stomach was exposed, and I was still too warm just sitting up on the RV, so Jim was in danger of overheating or heatstroke.

"Why is he digging? Did anybody ask him to do that today?" I asked, lowering my rifle, and looking towards Dale, who had lowered his binoculars.

"No. It is strange," Dale agreed, glancing over at me. "I'll go talk to him, try and get him back into camp and get some water into him."

"I'll hold down the fort until you get back," I said, letting him past to climb down the ladder, before I raised my scope again, watching Jim just dig and dig and dig, like God himself had charged him with the task. Even from a distance, he looked solely focused on digging, not caring that the harsh afternoon sun was beating down on his back, or that he hadn't stopped digging for most of the day, or that his body was probably protesting against him. He just kept digging. "What the hell are you doing, Jim?"

I turned my attention back to the surrounding areas, trusting that Dale could deal with Jim since they seemed to be close, waiting for that white loading van to come hurtling down the dirt road and all the men would come pouring out, safe and alive, bringing back the spoils of war. They'd be one man up plus armed and protected. Rick, Shane and I could hand the guns out, teach the rest of the group how to defend themselves.

We could be safe, but I knew we'd have to leave the quarry. We were too exposed here. The trees did provide a certain shelter, but the walker this morning had proved that the woods were not safe. We needed walls, solid walls or fences, something that would keep walkers out. We needed a safe haven, a place we could try to make into a home. The kids needed stability. They needed a roof and four walls and beds to sleep on. Not tents that a walker could rip its way into.

It wasn't safe here, even with the group's numbers, and I just wondered how long our luck would last out here.

I can't imagine it would last much longer.

Shaking my head as happy cheers erupted behind me, I pushed away those negative thoughts to turn and see that Andrea and Amy had brought back at least two dozen fish into camp. I grinned as Andrea handed Morales her catch with a triumphant grin and he thanked her for feeding his family. My grin widened when I heard Carl ask if Andrea and Amy could teach him how to catch fish. He was such a curious kid and, as long as it didn't have anything to school, he always wanted to learn new things.

"Hey, Dale! When's the last time you oiled those line reels? They are a disgrace." I heard Andrea tease him as the old man walked back into camp, a concerned look on his face. I quickly abandoned my post, sensing that the thing with Jim was a little more serious than we'd thought, and jogged towards him, with Shane on my six seeming to sense the same thing. It was lucky that I had attached the strap onto my rifle, as I was able to sling it over my shoulder so it wasn't in my way.

"I, uh, I don't want to alarm anyone…but we may have a bit of a problem." Dale informed them, turning and pointing towards where Jim was still digging in the distance.


Dale led us to where Jim was still shoveling dirt, sweat drowning his clothes and I imagine that he was feeling a little discomfort from the feeling. Most of us were sweating from the heat, correction we all were, but Jim was performing a vigorous chore making it worse for himself.

He didn't even pay attention to us as we approached him, pretty much the entire group following along to see why Jim had been digging half the day and to try and persuade him to stop.

"You wanna take the lead with this one?" I whispered to Shane, who nodded at me and stepped forward, though I stuck close behind him.

"Hey, Jim. Jim, why don't you hold up, all right? Just give me a second here, please." Shane requested, though Jim seemed very reluctant to stop digging, only doing so with a sigh of exasperation as he stuck the shovel back into the ground, but didn't relinquish his hold of it.

"What do you want?" Jim asked.

"We're a little concerned, man, that's all." Shane shrugged, and I gave Jim a tense, worried smile when his eyes moved from Shane to me then beyond.

"Dale says you've been out here for hours." Morales added, and I noticed that Jim was panting slightly, clearly in need of a drink and a rest. He just wasn't going to take one. Not without a push.

"So?"

"So, why are you digging? What, are you heading to China, Jim?" Shane chuckled at his own joke, while I rolled my eyes at it. It was not one of his best, I'll admit, but for a moment it did lighten my mood and I felt some of the tension dissipate. Not all of it, but some.

"What does it matter? I'm not hurting anyone." Jim retorted, not finding Shane's humor funny at all. He just started to dig again, another clear brush off.

"Yeah, except maybe yourself. Its 100 degrees today. You can't keep this up." Dale insisted, sounding really concerned about his friend. Since I'd gotten to camp, I'd noticed that Jim and Dale were always tinkering with that damn RV together, talking about everything and nothing. They were good friends. His concern was valid, though. Jim couldn't continue on as he was, not in this heat and not without a drink and a rest.

"Sure I can. Watch me." Jim challenged, and Lori sighed, stepping forward so she was stood behind Shane and me.

"Jim, they're not gonna say it, so I will. You're scaring people," Lori informed him, her voice gentle so she didn't anger him, but firm so that her words wouldn't be easily brushed aside. It was her 'Mother' voice, one that I recognized on my returns to King County when Carl wanted to stay up late with the adults who were catching up. "You're scaring my son and Carol's daughter."

"They got nothing to be scared of," Jim argued, halting his work again, before he stretched his arms out wide, as though asking what they had to be afraid of. I guess I got his point. He was just a man with a shovel, digging holes in the ground, and he wasn't disturbing anybody until Dale pointed it out. The kids were scared because the holes that Jim were digging…they were long, as though they were meant for bodies. "I mean, what the hell, people? I'm out here by myself. Why don't you all just go and leave me the hell alone?"

"Jim, we think that you just need a break, okay? Why don't you go find a spot of shade, cool down, and I'll bring you some water? Some food?" I asked, though it was clear to everyone that it wasn't really up for debate. I made sure my tone was light, but when Jim caught my eyes, he knew that I wasn't giving him a choice. "Shane and I will even come help you finish up ourselves."

"Jim, just tell us what it's about," Shane pressed, wanting to know why they all had to be up here trying to stop him in the first place. "Why don't you just go ahead and give me that shovel?"

"Or what?" Jim snapped, and Shane looked taken aback.

"There is no 'or what'. I'm asking you. I'm coming to you and I'm asking you, please. I don't want to have to take it from you." Shane replied, trying to be calm and gentle with the other man, who was looking at him like he was almost the ultimate threat.

"And if I don't, then what? Then you're gonna beat my face in like Ed Peletier, aren't you?" Jim taunted, and I glared at him, as Shane's head dropped, ashamed that his earlier actions were being thrown in his face like that. "Y'all seen his face, huh? What's left of it. See, now, that's what happens when someone crosses you."

"That was different, Jim." Shane said quietly, and I reached out and squeezed his arm, trying to calm him down and comfort him at the same time.

"You weren't there," Amy called, standing behind her sister near the back of the group, defending Shane. "Ed was out of control. He was hurting his wife."

"That is their marriage. That is not his. He is not judge and jury," Jim growled at her, thrusting a pointed finger towards Shane. "Who voted you king boss, huh?"

"Jim, we're not here to argue with you." I said, biting back all the words I wanted to say.

They voted him the leader, they did when they stood by and let Ed continue to hurt his wife and did nothing. She was being hurt by the man who was supposed to keep her and her daughter safe and they did nothing. Shane did. He stepped up. Andrea and I started the fight, but Shane ended it. He may have gone a little too far, gotten a little overzealous with the beating, but at least he did something. Carol was a good woman, and Sophia was an innocent, little girl, neither of them deserved the hand they were dealt.

"Yeah, man, so just give me the shovel, okay?" Shane requested again, reaching out to take it when Jim pulled it out of his reach.

"No, no, no," Jim protested, as Shane kept trying to take the shovel from him, shoving him away and swinging it at him. When Shane ducked so the shovel missed him, I launched myself at the crazed man, tackling him into the dirt, pinning him to the ground. "You got no right!"

"Jim, just stop it! Just stop! Nobody's gonna hurt you, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you. You hear me? Nobody is going to hurt you, Jim, okay?" I questioned, as I twisted his arms behind his back, and held him down, though he stopped struggling against me. Shane handed me a pair of cuffs and I took them, gratefully. We'd need to keep him restrained for a while.

"That's a lie. That's the biggest lie there is," Jim half-cried, as I snapped the cuffs around his wrists, and the sadness in his voice almost made me pause, but I cuffed him. "I told that to my wife and my two boys. I said it a hundred times. It didn't matter. They came out of nowhere. There were dozens of 'em. Just pulled 'em right out of my hands. The only reason I got away was cos the dead were too busy eating my family."

I felt tears dripping down my cheeks, as Jim shared that with us, and I stepped off him, letting Shane help him to his feet. Lori seemed just as emotional as I was, so I pulled her into my arms as we followed Shane and Jim back into the camp.

I was less surprised that Jim had finally cracked. To have had to watch his family die, to have them physically ripped out of his arms and devoured by walkers, and then knowing that their deaths were the only reason he was alive…that would have destroyed a lesser person. Jim was much stronger than I gave him credit for, he was just broken.

Broken men were what this world created after all.


A/N:

Hey guys!

I'm back!

The last two months have been really hard for me. Some of you know that I lost my friend in October. She was 19 and it was a heart attack - it was so sudden and I'm still trying to come to terms with it. I've never really had to deal with a death this suddenly before and it really just turned my world upside down. She was such a beautiful person and so young and so...full of life, which sounds very cliche, but it's true. She was healthy one day and the next she was gone.

So this story is now for Fern. She wasn't really a Walking Dead person, but I'm not writing a Paramore story (which she loved), so this will have to do. I'm sure she'd like it anyway.

I just want to thank all of you guys who sent your prayers and messages via the reviews page on my GoT fic. Reading those messages made going through this much easier, knowing that I had my fans support through this horrible time. I'm just sorry that I had to take a break from my writing. I just wasn't in the right head space to write anything particularly good.

We're up to chapter nine now, and this chapter had Thea on her own, sans Rick, and we got to see her interact with some of our other characters, like Shane, the women and Ed and Jim. I'm actually happy that I kept Thea out of the action in the city because I wanted her to make more friendships with the group and display the relationships she had already, instead of keeping her with Rick. Otherwise she's just some girl following Rick around and that's it. For her to be a fully dimensional character, she's gotta have connections outside of her potential love interest. So, voila! The next chapter shows this off too, with interactions between Thea and Lori and Carl. So there's that to look forward to.

I also want to make sure that everyone knows that my personal opinion on domestic abuse is that nobody deserves to be treated like that by someone they trust. I know people who have been in that situation and it is never okay to be treated that way, if it's physical, emotional or mental abuse. You don't have to accept it and you don't have to stay with them. If you are a woman or a man or gender fluid, you do not deserve abuse. I don't want anyone to misconstrue anything I've written as what I think. In a perfect world, Shane would have arrested Ed and his punishment would have been decided by the justice system, but this is the Walking Dead and there is no real justice system anymore. I'm not a person who condones violence, but I also super mega loathe people who abuse people in that kind of way. Just so we're clear.

Anyway, this is my comeback so I'm trying to keep to my old schedule of updating every three weeks. The next update will be on January 2nd. And for my GoT fans, the next update on 'She Runs With Wolves and Lions' will be on December 28th.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it,

S. A. L. Stratton (my official writer's name).