"Can you believe it?" Joker asked ecstatically as he turned in his seat to face Shepard. "Look at these leather seats! The Alliance didn't care about comfort—the budget was too strict. But this cockpit is spectacular!" He turned back to his controls and rambled on about the ship, noting that while the reproduction was close to the original, there were some new upgrades that the SR1 hadn't had.
"That's great, Joker, really. But don't forget who gave it to us. I can't help but feel that this is all too good to be true," Shepard said uncertainly.
Joker was unconcerned. "Ah, I know. You don't trust them. I really don't either. But you've got command of this ship, and we've got each other." The thought made Shepard feel at least a little better. Joker's positivity was hard to shake, which had made his vulnerability earlier that day all the more surprising. But he was his usual self now, and his sunny disposition made it hard not to enjoy the perks of the beautiful new Normandy.
After talking with Joker, Shepard headed down the bridge and rendezvoused with Miranda. "Shepard," she said evenly, inclining her head in greeting. She showed her around the command deck, which was much the same as before. She also introduced her to a new crew member, yeoman Kelly Chambers.
Kelly was tall and fair, with short, light brown hair and wide, friendly eyes. She was looking at Shepard as though she was the love of her life. "I amso honored to be working under you, Commander," she said, starry-eyed. "I've always admired your work."
"Er, thanks," Shepard replied. She wasn't used to this sort of treatment. It felt weird to be treated like a celebrity. "It's nice to meet you, Kelly. What exactly is your job on this ship?"
"I will act as your personal assistant, but I am also a trained psychologist. I will consult with you about our various planned recruits, and also monitor the psychological welfare of our crew as we go along."
Shepard fidgeted uncomfortably. That seemed odd to her. They hadn't had a psychologist aboard the SR1. She didn't want to be analyzed, and she didn't want her new team to feel like specimens under a microscope either. "Why is anyone's psychological wellbeing in doubt?"
"Well, it isn't necessarily. Not yet anyway. We will be recruiting some unconventional people to your team, Shepard. Criminals. Assassins. You may need some help relating to them, and they may need some help adjusting. And . . . well, the nature of our mission isn't one that will sit well with everyone. Some might call challenging the Collectors a death wish." Kelly was certainly confident, and her response to Shepard's doubts had been readily and passionately delivered. Shepard figured she was alright; but the "death wish" comment left her on edge—mainly because Kelly was probably right.
"The probability of surviving an encounter with the Collectors is indeed quite low," a cool female voice said, startling Shepard.
"Who are you?" she asked, turning to face the source of the voice, a spherical blue hologram that lit up as it spoke.
"I am the Normandy's artificial intelligence. The crew like to refer to me as EDI," she said.
Shepard wasn't sure how to respond. AI's were notoriously dangerous. The last thing she needed was a Cerberus AI spying on her work and potentially taking control of its system.
"Joker's going to love this," she said sarcastically, casting a sideways glace at Miranda, who ignored her comment.
"I do not helm the ship. Mr. Moreau's talents will not go to waste," Mr. Moreau? Talents? Maybe Joker will like this after all, Shepard thought, smirking. Joker had a big ego, albeit a well-deserved one. "During combat, I operate the electronic warfare and cyberwarfare suites. Beyond that, I cannot interface with the ship's systems. I observe and offer analysis and advice, nothing more," EDI explained.
Shepard felt reassured, but also a little unnerved at the lifelike conversation abilities of the AI. "Well, um, pleased to meet you, EDI," she offered, as she and Miranda continued through the ship.
Miranda showed her around some more, and Shepard took note of the new med bay, where she had a quick chat with her friend from the SR1, Dr. Karin Chakwas. She also stopped by the armory, where Jacob gave her a quick salute before getting back to work putting together a shotgun. They went down a deck to engineering, where Shepard met engineers Gabriella Daniels and Kenneth Donelly. The pair were quirky but capable, and she looked forward to getting to know them better. They went up to the crew quarters where Shepard checked out the main battery and met the cook and a few others amongst the crew. Finally, Miranda brought Shepard up to the highest deck, the captain's quarters.
She had merely had a bunk like anyone else on the SR1. Here she had her own luxurious and tastefully appointed quarters. There was a tall, glowing fish tank that took up the entire left wall of the room. There was a large and plush bed situated beneath a skylight looking out at the stars, a side table with a stereo control, an armor cabinet and dresser, and a curio in which she could hang her own décor. "Wow, Miranda. This is nice. Really. Thank you."
For the first time, Miranda seemed to acknowledge Shepard's attempts at civility. "You're welcome, Shepard," she replied with a slight smile. "I hope everything is to your liking. Please let me know if there is anything else you need. The Illusive Man has spared no expense to establish this ship to your liking."
Shepard nodded. "So what now?"
"The dossiers are all available in your personal terminal," Miranda said, gesturing to a computer situated on an L-shaped desk to her right. "It is up to you to decide where we go first."
Shepard decided to pay Miranda the respect of asking her for advice instead of taking charge all at once. "Which do you think it's best to start with?"
Miranda smiled. "Well, Commander, I think our first destination ought to be Omega. We have two possible recruits there, and one of them is Dr. Mordin Solus. He might be able to develop a form of protection against the freezing venom of the seeker swarms Veetor described. It would be a wise defensive measure should we encounter the Collectors along the way."
"That sounds good to me, Miranda," Shepard said. "Thank you. Let the others know. We'll set a course and depart at 0600."
"Right away. Commander," Miranda left the way she'd come and Shepard stood in the silent cabin, wondering what to do next.
She walked over to her computer, intending to check out the dossiers Miranda had mentioned. As she stepped toward it, an electronic picture frame on her desk clicked to life, sensing her movement. Shepard's breath caught in her throat as the frame lit up with the only picture of Kaidan that she'd ever taken. The sight of his face after everything she'd been through over the past few days shook her considerably. She grabbed onto the desk for support with one hand and lifted the frame with the other.
Shepard hugged the picture to her chest in a futile attempt to feel closer to him. She would have given anything for Kaidan to hold her just then. She was so overwhelmed. She was under so much pressure, and surrounded by so many unfamiliar faces. She was embarking on a difficult mission with hardly any friends by her side, and while she hated to admit it, she was afraid.
Shepard looked down at the photo. Kaidan's dark, lustrous hair shone, his warm caramel-colored eyes entrancing her. He was a quiet and often stoic man. Shepard was glad to see that while it wasn't exactly a toothy grin, he was wearing a soft smile in the picture. Sitting down at her new desk with a sigh, she thought back to the night she had taken it . . .
The lights of the mess were turned down low and classic rock music, both Shepard's and Ashley's favorite, was thumping throughout the whole deck. Shepard was grateful. The atmosphere made her feel bold and uninhibited. Even in the midst of their mad pursuit of Saren, the squad sometimes docked the Normandy and took time out to celebrate birthdays, and today was Ashley's. Shepard had been working up the courage to try and make a move on Kaidan, and Ashley's party was the ideal setting to do it.
She and the staff lieutenant had been flirting for weeks, and her pent-up frustration was starting to distract her from the assignment. Just the other day they had been planet side on an exceptionally humid forest planet for a minor resource-gathering mission. She, Kaidan, and Wrex had taken a break on the banks of a small pond, grateful that the planet had breathable air that allowed them to go helmetless. She and Kaidan had stripped off their shirts for temporary reprieve from the heat, while Wrex called them pussies, insisting Tuchanka's climate was worse. They'd just laughed, splashing happily in the murky but mercifully cool water.
Shepard wasn't sure if it was the heat disorienting her, or her own foolish desire taking over, but she had been so preoccupied looking at Kaidan's lean but chiseled body, her eyes raking over the muscles of his back, that she hadn't even heard Wrex's warning. She hadn't even realized that hostiles had spotted them until shots were being fired while she stood there, waist-deep in the pond in her sports bra and pants, with no armor and no weapon, wondering absently why Kaidan was trying to run back to shore, tripping awkwardly in the clay bottom of the pond.
She had been lucky to have Wrex there that day, who had, thankfully, taken out the small group of attacking batarians (who turned out to be nothing more than common thieves that inhabited the forest) without her help. Because she had been so wrapped up in her feverish fantasy of what it might be like to run her mouth over Kaidan's sun-kissed, sweaty chest, that she'd nearly been shot to death.
Yes, Shepard's infatuation with Kaidan was clearly getting out of hand. So that night, lent courage by a whole bottle of cheap wine, Shepard decided that she would try and lure him back to her bunk. She saw him sitting on a couch next to Garrus and Joker, a glass of some brown liquor in his hand. While Garrus and Joker were laughing loudly together, Kaidan looked preoccupied. He was tapping his right foot to the beat of the song and staring off thoughtfully.
Shepard kept her eyes fixed on him as she pressed her way through the other partygoers. "Credit for your thoughts?" she asked, grinning as she came to a stop before the couch. She felt dizzy but deliciously brave. She sat down on the rug in front of him, putting her wine glass on the coffee table behind her.
"Oh, Commander, hey," Kaidan said, smiling at her nervously, a slight blush coloring his features.
"It's 'Shepard,'" she corrected him for what felt like the thousandth time. "Having fun?" she asked, crossing her legs and leaning forward, placing a hand on each of Kaidan's knees.
He gulped, sitting back into the couch. "Yeah. Definitely."
"Me too. Great party. And I love this music. Don't you?"
"What? This music? Really?" Kaidan smirked. "Not really. I don't even know what this is," he admitted.
Shepard's eyes widened and she stood up suddenly, her butt hitting her wine glass on the edge of the table and spilling the dark crimson liquid all over. Kaidan jumped in alarm, but Shepard ignored it, her eyes locked on his in disbelief. "Do you mean to tell me that you aren't acquainted with the group of almighty gods of rock music formerly known as Toto?! Have you really never heard "Africa," the 1982 smash hit that took America by storm?"
Kaidan just looked back at her, astonished, his mouth agape. But Garrus and Joker were doubled over with laughter, looking at Shepard like she had suddenly turned into an elcor in a tutu. "Shepard . . . you're . . . so lame," Joker gasped, trying to catch his breath from laughing.
"And so drunk," Garrus added, looking at the growing wine stain on the rug.
"N-no," stammered another voice. Ashley stumbled toward them, giggling and hiccupping, a bottle in her hand. She thrust her arm over Shepard's shoulder and slouched into her. "She's *hic* right," Ashley slurred. "This music is AMAZING."
"Shepard," Kaidan began, chuckling, "why do you like this stuff so much? You didn't even grow up on Earth, and this is way before our time."
She gave an exaggerated shrug. "It's like Ashley said, Kaidan. It's AMAZING. You'd be a fool not to love it."
"Well I guess that makes me a fool," he said, winking at her. The mischievous look in his eyes made her knees weak and she stumbled before leaning forward grabbing the arm of the couch to right herself, shivering as her hand brushed Kaidan's resting there. The movement made Ashley's arm slip from Shepard's shoulders, and she fell to the ground in the puddle of Shepard's wine, giggling helplessly.
As Ashley hit the floor, hard, Shepard crouched down and peered at her with concern. For moment a the girl laid still, her eyes shut. "Ash, you alright?" Shepard asked.
Ashley turned her head to the side, sniffing the soaked, now-purple rug. Her eyes snapped open. "There's wine everywhere! Is this heaven?" she asked with a lazy smile, hiccupping again.
"Okay, I think the birthday girl has had enough," Shepard said, laughing as she bent down to try and help Ashley up, despite being pretty unsteady on her feet herself.
"No, Shepard, you stay and enjoy yourself. Relax for once instead of looking after all of us," Garrus said seriously. "Tali," he called, "help me get Williams up to her bunk."
Shepard smiled gratefully and plopped down in Garrus's former spot between Joker and Kaidan, as Tali and Garrus helped a stumbling Ashley out of the room. She picked up Garrus's abandoned drink from the table and gulped its contents in one motion before letting out a decidedly unladylike burp. "Waste not, want not," she said happily. Kaidan looked at her oddly. No one had really seen this side of her before, and while Joker enthusiastically clinked his glass to hers in a toast before finishing his own drink, it was clear that Kaidan had no idea what to make of her wild behavior.
She sat back before turning to Kaidan and leaning a little closer to him, emboldened by the alcohol, the music, and the heat of his body next to her own. "I've been trying to talk to you all night, handsome," she said, louder than she'd meant to. Kaidan smiled awkwardly in response and Joker stood abruptly.
"That's my cue," he announced dramatically, taking off his ball cap and making a sweeping bow before heading over to the table to join Wrex and some others at cards.
"Um, well, looks like I'm all yours," Kaidan said, nerves lending an edge to his voice.
"I wish," Shepard replied without missing a beat. "What do you say to getting out of here, Alenko?"
Kaidan's face paled, but he took a drink from his own glass before standing up and extending a hand to help Shepard up. "Of course, Commander."
It's Shepard, she thought, but she said nothing and stood shakily, taking his proffered hand. Her biotics reacted immediately to his touch and she hoped desperately that he didn't notice as she led him out of the room and down a corridor. As they walked along, she cast shy glances at him over her shoulder as if to confirm that he was really there. Shepard couldn't believe that she was really doing this. Survive a thresher maw attack? Sure. Become the first human Spectre? Check. But seduce Kaidan Alenko? She couldn't believe it had taken this long to rally her courage.
Finally they came to her desired destination: the med bay. It was empty, just as she'd hoped. She sat down on the exam bed and patted the space next to her, looking up at Kaidan expectantly. He sat next to her, but left a little space between them.
Shepard suddenly felt a little less brave. Kaidan was so maddeningly good looking, and while she suspected that he was at least as drunk as she was after a night of drinking hard liquor, he wasn't giving an indication of it, sitting up straight and looking at her intently. She was starting to feel a little foolish for her behavior now that she'd gotten this far. The silence was deafening; she needed to break it. "It's because of my dad," she said suddenly.
"Um, what is?" Kaidan asked, confused.
"You asked why I like that silly music. My dad loved it. You're right—we lived in the colonies, not Earth. But my dad had this antique record player that had belonged to his grandpa, and somehow through all of the moving, even moving off the planet, my dad managed to keep that record player, and a handful of old records. They were all classic rock music from Earth. He listened to them all the time and would dance around the house with my mom on the weekends. I used to think it was so annoying. But after . . . what happened, when I lost them . . . listening my dad's music made me feel closer to them. His old record player got destroyed, of course, but I remembered what music he liked, and I would listen to it online when I got lonely. It always cheered me up." Shepard realized that there were tears running down her cheeks and turned away from Kaidan, frantically moving to wipe them. She had stayed strong through so much, rarely showing how hard the loss of her family had been to anyone. It was foolish to cry about it now, in front of him.
But Kaidan reached out and touched her face, gently turning it to his own. He cupped her right cheek in his hand and Shepard leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. He wiped away her tears with his thumb and Shepard let out a quivering sigh.
"That's a sweet story," Kaidan said, almost in a whisper. "I'm sorry I asked you, if the memory is painful."
"It's alright," Shepard said. "I like talking to you. It's . . . comforting."
"I like talking to you, too," Kaidan replied, his face inches from hers. He leaned toward her, his lips only a breath away, when Dr. Chakwas flipped on the fluorescent lights of the med bay and then gasped in surprise.
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I-I'm sorry, Commander. I just came in here for . . . some medicine. Yes, medicine for Williams. She hit her head on the floor earlier, you know." Shepard smirked as she watched Dr. Chakwas open what she knew to be the woman's stash of Serrice Ice Brandy. She removed a bottle hastily before leaving the room without another word.
Shepard suddenly felt very awkward. She and Kaidan had been so close to kissing just then, but the moment was gone. She decided to try and strike up conversation again. "Do you miss home?" she asked him. "I'll bet your parents miss you."
"I do, sometimes," Kaidan admitted. "But I like being out here, seeing the galaxy, making a difference. My mom really does miss me, though. She writes pretty frequently."
"Do you write back?" Shepard asked curiously.
"Yeah, but it makes me sad sometimes. She asks me to visit her on leave. She doesn't know that the nature of our mission right now doesn't really offer many opportunities for leave. I don't like telling her no. And I hate worrying her."
Shepard sat thoughtfully in silence for a moment. "We should send her a care package," she announced.
"What?" Kaidan asked, laughing.
"You know, like a box of stuff to make someone happy when you're separated. We can send stuff we pick up from other planets and the Citadel in a package with your next letter. We can give her some different alien foods, and wine, and cheesy postcards," she said excitedly. "Oh, and a picture of you!" Shepard scrambled for her Omni-tool and prepared its camera, turning it toward Kaidan.
"Aw, come on Shepard," he protested. "This is silly."
"Pleeeeease? Do it for me?" She gave him her sweetest, most innocent smile. "Don't make me order you to do it, Kaidan," she added in a mock-serious tone.
He stared at her silently for a moment, mulling it over, and smirking in a way that told her he was going to give her what she wanted. "Okay, I give up," he relented. He gave her the smallest smile, clearly a little embarrassed to be posing for a picture on the exam bed in the med bay in the middle of the night.
Shepard just giggled like a teenager, giddy from the alcohol and the high of being alone with Kaidan. She aimed her camera carefully, trying to steady her shaky hands, and took the photo. They sat in silence for a moment while the picture processed. When it appeared, projected over her Omni-tool, she showed it to him, beaming proudly. "See? That wasn't so hard. And you look hot. I mean, you always look hot, but—" she stopped suddenly, realizing that she'd been rambling without thinking. Kaidan grinned and she blushed deeply at what she'd said. "I-I uh . . ."
"Shh," Kaidan said, rendering her breathless as he pressed a finger tantalizingly against her stammering lips. "You always look absolutely beautiful," he said, his voice husky. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, that it was possible that Kaidan wanted her as much as she wanted him. She stared at him for a moment, reveling in the heat smoldering behind his eyes.
Her gaze lowered to his mouth. His lips looked warm and inviting, and she leaned her face forward and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips firmly against his. Kaidan responded immediately, placing his hands on either side of her head and tangling his fingers in her hair as he tilted his head and opened his mouth, deepening the kiss.
It was ecstasy. How long had she wished for this moment? She kissed him back in earnest, moving her tongue over his; he tasted like scotch, and she loved it, wanted more. Shepard broke away, gasping, and placed her hands on his chest, pushing him forcefully down onto the bed and crawling forward, straddling him. Kaidan groaned as she settled over him, and she exalted in the feeling of his arousal pressing insistently against her through his pants. He reached up and grabbed the front of her shirt roughly, pulling her face back down to his in an urgent kiss. Shepard felt her biotics flare suddenly in the intensity of the moment, and Kaidan's own biotics reacted in a wave of crackling energy that sent a chill down her spine.
She wanted to feel his touch on her skin, wanted the heat and immediacy of his flesh on hers. She sat back again, going to take her shirt off and stumbling through the task in her drunken state. But he placed his hands gently on her arms and brought them back down by her sides. He sat up and looked in her eyes as he spoke. "Not yet, Shepard. Not tonight."
"What?!" she asked. "Why the hell not?"
Kaidan chuckled, and grabbed her, wrapping his arms around her torso tightly. In one swift motion he flipped them over, and suddenly Shepard was looking up at him in awe as he laid her gently onto the bed with a hand behind her head. Now he was straddling her. She was surprised by his strength and control. The ordinarily quiet and rule-following lieutenant never stopped surprising her.
He leaned down so that his mouth was over the exposed skin of her collarbone, his breath hot against her as he trailed kisses up to her neck and jawline. Shepard was panting with need. "Kaidan," she whined, grabbing his shoulders and trying desperately to pull him closer, "why are you teasing me like this?"
She felt him smile against her cheek before he moved his mouth to her ear. He slid his hand down to the place where the hem of her shirt met the top of her pants, and slipped his hand beneath her clothes, tracing his fingers slowly across her hips. "Because you're drunk, Shepard," he whispered. "And so am I."
"So?!" she asked, exasperated.
"So," he breathed against her ear, keeping up his maddening movements below, "the first time I make love to you, I want to be present. And I want you to remember every last moment of it." Shepard gasped and arched her body against him, begging for more contact. But he sat up, lifted her hand, and placed a chaste kiss on her wrist, like a signature. Shepard met his eyes just in time to see him smile wickedly down at her before quickly leaving the room.
Shepard decided that he must have been very drunk indeed to talk to her that way, to take charge like that. Whatever the case, she had never been more intrigued with the seemingly uptight man, and she had never wanted anyone more.
She fumbled with her Omni-tool, summoning the photo she'd just taken. She made her way clumsily to her bunk, gazing thoughtfully at Kaidan's face in the photograph, and pouting at the absence of the real thing.
Shepard shook her head, smiling sadly at the memory of how carefree they had all been then, at how her biggest concern was finding Saren, before she knew about the Reapers, before she lost Ashley. She would never forget Kaidan's uncharacteristic boldness that night, how for once, he hasn't even mentioned the damned regs.
The man in the photograph was so different from the broken man she'd see on the vid of her funeral. She hoped that by now Kaidan had found peace, that he was still the strong, loving man she'd known years ago.
Shepard set the photo reverently on her desk. It was a miracle in itself that it had somehow survived being spaced. While at first it had felt like an invasion of her privacy that Miranda had put the photo in her cabin, Shepard reasoned that with everything else the woman knew about her, it was no surprise that she was aware of her relationship with Kaidan. Miranda's decision to put Kaidan's photo on her desk could have been another test of Shepard's character, but somehow she didn't think that was the case. Shepard got the sense that the gesture was Miranda's attempt to make her feel more at home there, to create a space similar to one Shepard would have designed herself.
Maybe Miranda isn't so bad, Shepard thought before climbing into her bed. It felt oversized, cold. She tried to push the troublesome loneliness away as she sought some much-needed sleep. She had a big day to face the next morning after all. Yes, it was best to focus on the mission. So to ease her mind, Shepard resolved to make a dossier of her own soon, one that focused on finding a certain, recently-promoted Alliance marine.
With that, she fell asleep at last, disturbed by sweet dreams of dashing, dark-haired biotic soldiers turning into nightmares filled with fearsome Reapers.
