Many thanks to Dragons-Twilight1992, for your review.
2008
Date: January 3
Jenny sighed as she pulled into the driveway. She'd just gotten back from spending the night in her car again. Lately, her parents had been coming to her dreams to check in on Mara. However, because it took a lot of energy for them to contact her that way, that meant she became a beacon for the Angels. To combat this problem, Jenny would drive as far away as she could once Mara thought she was asleep. She would spend the night in her car, and since she needed - at most - two and a half hours of sleep, she would be gone before the Angels could find her.
Jenny stretched as she climbed out of her car, and reached up to rub a kink out of her neck. She could feel that Mara was just waking up as she quietly entered the house. She carefully set her keys down and went to the kitchen to start her sister's special birthday pancakes. The two of them hadn't been on the best of terms lately, and Jenny was hoping that today would change all of that.
Jenny jumped nearly a foot high when Mara burst out of her room. "Have you had contact with Mum and Dad?" she demanded angrily.
"Mara!" Jenny shouted as one of her hands flew up to clutch at her hearts. "You scared me!"
"Don't avoid the question!" she shrieked, and held up the letter. "They say you've told them about "all the trouble I've gotten into". Have you had contact with our parents?"
Jenny was momentarily at a loss for words. She knew that it would be safer for them both if she lied, but that letter dammed her no matter what she said. "Mara…" Her voice was pleading.
She felt a pang of guilt when tears pooled in Mara's eyes. "You have, haven't you?" Her voice broke over the words, and she blinked furiously before she met Jenny's eyes again. "How long?"
Jenny bit her lip. She could feel the hurt and anger rolling off of her sister, but there was nothing she could say. "I shouldn't let the pancakes burn," she said finally, and turned back to the stove.
"How long!" Mara screeched.
Her shoulders slumped against her sister's question. She had a right to know. "Most of your life."
Mara was silent for a moment. "What?"
Jenny tried to stop herself from shaking as she turned back to face Mara. "They charged me with protecting you, so they come to me in dreams. It isn't all the time, and never for very long." She didn't need to tell her sister about the times she had communicated telepathically with their dad. Or about the times he had visited. "When they do it sends out a huge message to anything nearby that wants to harm you, so I have to drive out as far as I can…it's only to protect you, Mara." She felt like a broken record at this point.
Mara let out a short, hysterical laugh. "From what?"
Jenny sighed heavily. "I'll tell you when you're old enough."
Mara's face pinched with fresh anger. "Well when will that be? Huh? When will little Mara be old enough to handle the secret? When I'm twenty? Thirty? What else have you lied to me about?"
Jenny refused to look at her. It was a fair question—just one she knew she couldn't answer honestly.
"So you have lied to me," Mara whispered, and stepped back from Jenny.
"Mara…"
"What's in that little blue book of yours?" she asked abruptly. "I know about the poem, but what else? Why am I not allowed to read it?"
"Mara—" Jenny reached out for her. To do what, she didn't know. She just knew she needed to fix this somehow. She couldn't bear the thought of Mara hating her.
Her sister flinched away from her touch. "I trusted you," she hissed. "But I guess that was all for nothing."
Jenny shook her head desperately. "No, Mara. I swear it's only to protect you. You're my sister and I love you. You can trust me," she whispered that last part, and swallowed hard when Mara only glared at her.
"Fine," her sister said, and held up both of her hands. "If all of this really is just to protect me, and you really do love me, then tell me this. What are those Angel statues?"
Jenny felt all of the blood leave her face. How did Mara know about the Weeping Angels? She shouldn't be able to remember them at all.
Mara raised an eyebrow when Jenny didn't answer. "Well?"
She opened her mouth to answer, but turned back to the pancakes. "I'll tell you when you're older."
She heard Mara let out a small snort before her sister spun away and marched towards the front door. "I think I'll have breakfast out today."
Jenny squeezed her eyes shut as the front door slammed. She was afraid of what Mara would do now, and she knew there was only one person who could keep her safe. She could only pray he was listening.
Dad?
To her relief, he responded immediately. I'm on it.
She let out a slow, shaky breath. Keep her safe.
Always.
Jenny went through the motions of finishing breakfast. She had finished cooking and eating and was just about to finish washing everything, when she heard him call.
Jenny, come down to the park.
She immediately jumped into action. Why, what's wrong? Oh God, is she hurt?
He shot her a wave of reassurance. No, no, she's fine. I've just had to erase her memory and she needs help getting home.
Jenny paused in her driveway. Why can't you bring her home?
He was silent for a moment. Your mum is here.
She hurriedly started her car. Mum? Can I see her?
No! he shouted, and then forced himself to calm down. That would attract the Angels' attention, and I've already had to save Mara from them once today.
But -
Jenny, she's not the mum you know. She's from our future. I shouldn't even talk to her, but she needs help. She's been hurt.
She swallowed as she pulled into the park. Her dad was already waiting for her with Mara in his arms. She got out, and opened the passenger door so he could gently settle her sister into it. "I found her in that old house that's around the block. She was being attacked by the Angels."
Jenny's breath caught in her throat. "But she's okay, right?" She leaned in to buckle her sister's seat belt and checked for bruises. "They didn't hurt her, did they?"
He shook his head. "No, no. I got there just in time. We ran to the park and talked. She understood that I needed to erase her memory." He stuck his hands into his pockets, and chuckled. "She's just like your mum."
Jenny let out a breathy laugh as she felt a couple of relieved tears slip from her eyes. "Just as jeopardy-friendly?"
"Too curious for her own good," he clarified, and glanced back towards the trees in the park. "I need to go. Your mum needs my help."
She wiped away her remaining tears, and nodded before she shut the car door. "Thank you. She wouldn't have listened to me." Her eyes shot down to the ground. "She doesn't trust me."
"Oh, Jen." Her dad pulled her into a hug. "She does. She just doesn't always remember that she does. She loves you, Jenny, very much." He kissed her temple and stepped back. "Just like your mum and I do."
Jenny sniffed, and gave him a smile. "Thanks, dad."
He nodded, and then turned to run back into the park.
Date: April 5
Jenny hissed when she applied antiseptic to the wounds she had sustained while saving both Owen and Toshiko the previous day from Jack's brother, Gray. The hub was quiet—the others had gone out for a celebratory hey-look-we're-not-dead drink, but Jenny hadn't felt like going. She was still spiraling after what had happened on Mara's birthday, even though that was months ago now.
She and Mara were on better terms since their dad had wiped her sister's memory. But every smile her sister sent her way sent another pang of guilt through Jenny. Every good moment she spent with Mara was just another reminder that Jenny was constantly lying to her. And while she'd lived with that knowledge for several years at this point, lately it was getting harder and harder for her to cope with. That guilt led her to taking on more hours at Torchwood, which led to her making more and more reckless decisions that she justified with the lives she saved—like Owen and Tosh's.
She heard footsteps approach her. "Why aren't you out with the others?"
She glanced up at where Jack was staring down at her from the top of the stairs that led down to the med bay. She shrugged, and turned back to her wounds. "Had to change my bandages."
She refused to look up as Jack walked down the stairs. Instead, she focused on putting away the supplies she'd taken out from Owen's storage. She knew he would be grumpy with her if she didn't put everything back as she'd found it.
"Jenny," Jack said, and she closed her eyes. "What happened?"
She swallowed, and closed the cabinet before she turned to face him. "Nothing. Everything is fine, isn't it? Tosh and Owen are okay, John bloody Hart is finally out of our lives, everything is fine."
Jack cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. "Jen, I know you. Something is bothering you. Has been since…" His eyes widened. "Is Mara okay?"
Jenny nodded and waved a hand to dismiss his concerns. "She's fine, Jack. Everything is fine." She tried to walk past him, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
"Then what's wrong?" he asked when she met his eyes.
She sighed heavily. "Fine," she said, and stepped back to face him without straining her neck. "I'm just…Mara found out about how much I've been lying to her. It turned out okay, our dad was able to wipe her memory again, but…I just…" She swallowed. "I don't know how much longer I can live with lying to her, Jack."
Jack nodded. "So that's why you've been more reckless lately. You're running away."
She flinched. "I am not."
He let out a bitter laugh. "Jen, your dad does the same thing. So does your mum, I reckon. When something gets too...personal, you Tylers just pick up and run away. Only this time you've got nowhere to go. No TARDIS to whisk you off to some far away planet, no Vortex Manipulator to let you go off on your own - nothing. This time you're actually responsible for someone, so you can't run. You have to stay, which means you have to face her every day."
Jenny looked away from him. "I didn't realize you thought so highly of my family," she said in a bitingly sarcastic tone. "That's good to know."
Jack rolled his eyes when she shoved past him for the stairs. "Jen, wait. I get it, I do."
She paused, and looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.
He sighed heavily. "It's much easier to run from one cause to the next than it is to stand your ground and fight for something. Your mum understood that. It's what brought her back to your dad."
She swallowed hard. "I think I fail to see your point."
He sucked in a deep breath. "Okay. It's like…" He pursed his lips. "Why do you think your dad never stays in one place for long?"
She snorted. "I know why he doesn't. He burned our whole planet, Jack. If I had the guilt of killing an entire race on my conscience, then I'd never stop running either."
Jack nodded. "Exactly. Your dad runs because he's afraid to stop and face what he's done. It's the same reason that I've never been in one place for long in my life. It's much easier to run away than it is to turn and face yourself."
"So you're saying that I'm being reckless because I don't want to face the guilt I feel for lying to my sister and keeping her from our parents?" Jenny snorted again, and shook her head at him. "You excel in the obvious, Harkness."
He raised his eyebrows. "If it's so obvious, then why aren't you handling it better?" He stepped up to better look her in the eyes. "Or are you too afraid of who you might see if you were to take a long look at yourself?"
Jenny swallowed when his words hit the mark. Commander Chex's words rang through her mind once again. "Are you so afraid of the monster you will become that you cannot even admit to the possibility that she lives inside of you?"
She raised her chin against Jack's accusation. "Why should I be? Everything I've done has been to protect Mara. Nothing has been without a reason."
Jack nodded. "And that's how it starts. The justifications you tell yourself every time you lie to her, every time you use the people around you to keep her safe, every time you hurt the people that would hurt her—every time you stand by while they die."
She flinched against his words.
"And if you're lucky," he said, "you'll never realize what you've allowed yourself to become. You'll go along with that philosophy your dad's taught you—never to kill, never to harm—but you won't say anything when someone else does the killing, when someone else inflicts the pain...or takes it."
She looked away from him. "So what you're trying to tell me is that I'm already a monster and I should just get over it?"
Jack was quiet for so long that she forced her eyes back to his. He shook his head. "I'm saying that we'll allow ourselves to become just about anything in an effort to protect the people we care about. And there's nothing you can do to change that."
