The fifth night
-Collin, D4M-
When you're living in the dark with someone else, you have to tell that person everything.
I've been in darkness before, it was typical to be sailing in cloudy skies, wind whipping small, cold droplets of rain into your face. Vision blurred by the darkness, by fog, by rain in your eyes, those are remnants of a life I once lived. They were phenomena that were once more than familiar to me. They were parts of life when I used to go out fishing with my father and his crew.
The memories bring back pain. It's far too easy to think about them in the darkness.
We only have one flashlight, and we're saving it for when we really need it. After all, last night was the second time a tribute found us in the night. Both of them were 15-year-olds.
Of course it wasn't easy to steal the lives of tributes so young.
It was a lot easier when they were practically begging for death.
Whatever is happening at night in the Arena is getting progressively worse.
It makes sense that it affected the younger tributes first; they were less experienced and more susceptible to the Gamemakers' tricks. I wonder if any of the other deaths that have happened could be traced to the specters that seem to appear every night.
It's easier when you have a flashlight. If I get really freaked out, I can just turn it on and whatever's happening will go away. Well, the voices won't go away. They're loud and silent at the same time. They echo in my head, and even though I know that they're not coming from my subconscious, it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that I'm totally sane.
In reality, I have no reason to feel guilty for the death of my District partner. I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't tell her to go to the Cornucopia, I didn't take her life, and I wasn't there to see it happen. I don't know who killed Serafina Anya, but I knew that she didn't have what it would take to be a Victor. She was far too nice, too kind. She wasn't the chosen volunteer, that fact was painfully obvious. From the moment we were on the train together, she tried to get me to be her friend.
This is a fight to the death, and I didn't volunteer to make friends. I volunteered for myself, and for my little brother Tryin. He needs me home. I didn't volunteer to be all cutesy with someone else. I wouldn't have volunteered if I wasn't sure I had potential to win. After my brother and I ended up orphans that were taken in by Uncle, I just haven't been able to feel like I've proven myself. That's why I'm here now. I'm going to win money for Uncle, for Tryin, for my cousins. I don't want Uncle to have to work so tirelessly to care for us. I just want peace, for him and for my family.
I never really asked Uncle if he was my real uncle, but since that's what I'd called him since I was a child I just assume that he is. And, just to make it simpler, I call his children my cousins. My relationship with my cousins is strained. They like to chatter and talk, so Tryin loves them, but I can't handle that personality type very well. When they ask me questions, I freeze up and don't know how to answer. I still don't fully trust them, I still don't feel like I can share things with them. After all, my father, who I put everything into, was so easily swept away from me. Who's to say that it couldn't happen again?
As a Victor, I want control. I want to be able to control my own fate, and Tryin's too. I can't afford to lose anyone else I love. I'm fighting to give them a future. With victory comes fame, with fame comes wealth, with wealth comes influence. With influence comes power. With power comes control. That's all I need. Some degree of control over what happens.
On that fateful day two years ago, that day that we lost the favor of the waters, I had to watch my father's ship sink and know that there was nothing I could have possibly done to save them. When I arrived on shore and started being interrogated, beaten up because I was the survivor, I tried to tell them that I couldn't have saved the crew if I had tried. I knew there was nothing I could've done. But for years and years I still felt the responsibility of their deaths on my shoulders. It wasn't my fault, part of me knew that. But the other part nagged that I could have thought up a plan to save at least two or three other people.
It was torture for me, as I got older. But it also pushed me. It pushed me to train so I could make a change. Have some sort of control. Prevent anything from happening to my brother.
But I didn't come to make friends. Serafina Anya was just too dense to understand that. She wasn't designed for this.
I know nothing more about Vidarr than I learned from his interview. I don't know if he was the selected volunteer or not; he very well could have been, he's trained and fights well. I don't know much about his home life, I don't know a lot about his family, his past, his aspirations, or his hobbies. I know all I need to know: that he's from District 2, 18 years old, and, for now, he's got my back. And he knows the important stuff about me: I'm from 4, I'm 17, and for now, I'm looking out for him. There's more to me than he knows, there's more to him than I know. But I don't need to know, so I don't care to know. He's going to die so that I can win. He knows that if he's going to win, I'm going to die. This is how alliances should be.
However, there is some kind of bond outside of curtness when you travel together, sleep in shifts, and, most of all, try to coordinate your piss breaks. It's not so much that I couldn't bear to see him dead, of course, as I still have a lot to fight for, but it's enough that the thought of losing him forever, the thought of death, is… Slightly unsettling. Or, slightly more unsettling than it is in relation to any of the other tributes.
I sigh quietly, shifting. I have to piss, I know I have to. But I'm really trying not to. I don't want to have to wake him up.
Don't do this to me, I beg my bladder. Please.
I finally realize I'm going to have to surrender. I nudge Vidarr to wake him up, and when I hear him groan and sit up, I flip the flashlight on.
"I'll be back," I tell him, the unspoken need behind it evident.
"Mhm," he says, more of a tired groan than anything. I wander into the darkness holding one of Vidarr's knives for self-defense, with nothing but the beam of a single flashlight to guide me.
In darkness as full and complete as this, one flashlight isn't helping very much. It definitely helps, if you know where to focus the light. I know there's a bush around here, but in darkness as thick and complete as this, I've totally lost my way. I can't see anything that could give me direction. I keep walking. I'm pretty sure this is the way. I keep walking, flashlight moving around, trying to show me the way. Trying it's very best.
I find a bush, not the same one as last time, but a bush all the same. It's not until I pick up the flashlight again that I realize I have no idea where I am and which way I came from. I try to dive back into the expertise in navigating I was once working to develop on my father's ship. For the life of me, I just can't remember anything. I'd shut my past away in a steel box and locked it tight. There's no way I'm going to access any kind of skills I may have started to develop earlier. I start looking, squinting in the darkness, trying to find something that looks even slightly familiar. I spend a long time wandering, and realize I have no idea where I am.
I think of Vidarr just then. I doubt he's very concerned about me. He might be impatient for my return. Or mad. After all, this flashlight was sent from a sponsor to him. If I could get back to our base, I would, but I have no idea where I am.
I sit on the ground, feeling totally and utterly lost. I don't know where to go now, and I don't feel like there's any way out. I have no idea where I am, and all around me all I see is darkness. The flashlight illuminates the occasional rock or tree or patch of tall grass, but the beam doesn't reach as far as any of the attractions, which are really the only points I could use as definite anchors.
Don't panic Collin, I think as I tuck my knees to my chest. I try to remain calm, but the second I sit down, my head is swirling with the sounds of ghosts.
"Collin!" Serafina Anya calls out to me. Her voice sounds like it's coming at me from all around, I can't pinpoint an exact direction or an exact origin point. I start to feel on edge as Amari starts to scream over the sound of her voice.
The noise is intense and silent at the same time. I can hear the noise, but I can't hear anything but stillness all at once. It's a lot easier to handle if there's someone else next to you, breathing, definitely real and definitely alive. Here, I see nothing, I hear nothing, and yet I hear everything. It gets harder and harder to decipher what's real.
I tuck my knees to my chest and dig my hands into my ears, trying to silence the beckoning calls of Serafina Anya, the pleas of Amari and the high-pitched shrieks of Karima. I try to ignore them, but the more I try not to think about them, the more present they become. My heart starts to pound harder, and I start taking deeper, more ragged breaths. I thought I'd be fine, but it really is torture. The flashlight does help, and I realize with a strong pang of guilt in my chest that Vidarr is alone like I am and has no source of light at all.
I hope he's okay. After all, the flashlight that's in my hands is his. I know that I have to find him again and give it back to him so that it remains neutral and fair between us. But, I know that if I wander too much more, I could just get more lost. I decide it's safest to sit it out and wait until the sun rises. But the screaming is starting to get to me. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing, but there's nothing there, I can't see anything, or anyone, anywhere.
I stay curled up into a tight ball, covering my ears, until the sky begins to lighten up, signaling the beginning of the sixth day here in the Arena.
The sixth day
-Collin, D4M-
As soon as I can see I start surveying my surroundings. I couldn't have wandered that far, I think. Or… I sure hope I didn't.
I just have to find him and explain what happened. It's more talking to him than I would've liked to do, but we have a good number of tributes left still, most all of them older. I'd like us to have our mutual agreement for at least another couple tributes. There has to be a point when we break off, of course. But I'm not quite ready for that yet.
As soon as I can see the silhouette of the ride we had been scaling in the distance, I start walking in that direction. I wonder if Vidarr went looking for me or if he decided I wasn't coming back and started planning his revenge. As much as I hate to admit, I don't know him well enough to be able to tell. I don't know if he's sticking to that same path we'd been following or not. Maybe he turned around. He might not be where he was, which is why I have to make good time. I keep going until I hear the footsteps of a tribute approaching and turn around.
I reach back for my trident before realizing that I had left it back with Vidarr, as I'd thought I'd just be right back. I mentally kick myself, a wave of frustration washing across me knowing that I'm practically defenseless. However, I did train with knives, and hand-to-hand. If I combine those skills I bet I still have a chance.
In the dimness of the morning, I can see that it's Kade from District 9. He seems well-supplied, and pulls a spear out from behind his back, taking the first initiative to attack. I notice that he uses it more like a staff, with a sword-like quality as opposed to a throwing spear like Iridesce or someone well-trained in spears might. His attacks start out slow and slightly clumsy, giving me the time I need to fight back.
He sweeps the spear low, trying to knock me off my feet, as I go straight for the deadly hit to the chest or even the neck. He sees it coming, though, and dodges, pivoting to recover and raise his spear again. He still uses it like a sword, which must be his most comfortable weapon, trying to force me backwards with the threat of it. However, spears don't exactly make good swords, demonstrated when I go for offense, as swiftly as I can, taking control of the fight. Now, the best goal is to mark him up; the more blood he loses, the weaker he'll become, after all. I see a bandage covering what must be a deep gash on his shoulder and do my best to aim for there; reopening a wound like that one would mean certain death. I use my strength to bury my knife wherever it will bury, slash whatever I can. The first injury is swift, and when I bury the knife in his uninjured shoulder, he lets out a scream, putting up a foot to kick me in the stomach, sending me stumbling backwards, wheezing.
Now he takes control, putting the spear tip out and jabbing it forward, aiming poorly for the spots that will take me out quickly. His attacks are slightly sluggish, and I can see through his strategy. Since I'm one step ahead of him, dodging is easy. His eyes crease in frustration as he tries to speed up the attacks. When he jabs it forward clumsily, I charge, making a run for his side and sending us down to the ground.
He fights me intensely, and he's really a pretty strong guy. Just to get him to be still, I pull back my fist and punch him in the face, causing him to yell out. I don't want to draw out his death if I don't have to, but if he's going to be like this then so be it. I grip the knife, about to dig it in his chest when he gains enough momentum to send us rolling, struggling. I refuse to be on the bottom, burying my knife in his hand and causing him to scream. He didn't stop though, having the tenacity of a bull as he reached out to get a knife from the belt around his waist and pulled it out. I punch him again, and though his grip loosens slightly he still struggles severely. His face contorts in an expression of pain as we struggle for dominance. He returns a punch and I feel my nose crack in the intense pain of the action. I let the pain wake me up, and keep me with it. I don't stop thinking about myself, my life, why this is important. I land a stab in the chaos, pulling my knife out as I feel a sharp pain explode in my stomach that knocks the wind right out of me. In the second of shock, Kade doesn't hesitate to plunge his knife straight into my heart.
The pain is blinding, and I suddenly can't move, can't see, can't do anything. I can't even breathe. I feel my heart pounding, trying to take care of the problem, but know that it's too late.
Just like that, I'm dead.
I'm never going to make it home to them.
The knife is removed from my chest and my dark blindness abruptly turns white.
~.~.
The sixth night
-Riella, D7F-
We're eating a late dinner and waiting for the Capitol anthem to start playing and the seal to appear in the sky.
We had taken bets on who it would be. The thought of betting on who would die like a group of low-life Capitolites, the thought of playing Ally, Torture, Kill, the thought of this as a game, a real-life, fun game where the fun was in the action… These thoughts all repulse me.
But, I'll do anything to get back home to Andy. She's my driving force, she's the reason I have to get home. I don't give a damn about my parents, my family, my reputation, my name. I don't give a damn about money or fame. I don't give a single damn about District 7 or anyone in it, anyone except for one person. I'm all Andy has, and she's all I have. We need to get back to each other.
If I don't come home, who knows what will happen? Andy's rough-hearted at times, sometimes too rowdy and sometimes too much for people. She's very complex and has a lot of layers, and it's not until you dig through some of them that you can really make an accurate picture of who she is. Without me, she has nothing. She doesn't have a healthy support system to help her grieve. All she has are cigarettes and alcohol. And one every once in a while is alright, but they're dangerous, and could do her a lot of harm. I worry for her.
I barely even give a damn about my own life, I would die if that meant Andy was safe, but that's exact opposite of reality. If Andy's going to be safe and live long and be happy, she needs me there. I need her.
So, if playing these morbid games with the Careers is what it takes to get back to where I belong, back to the person I belong with… Then that's what I'll have to do.
"Honestly, it's got to be one of the girls. Either from 3 or 5. Both of them lost their allies and are all alone now," Iridesce says matter-of-factly.
"My money's on Cyra," Maggie chimed in. She didn't sound particularly glad to be playing this game either.
"I don't know," I say, trying not to sound too irritable or appalled. "I guess Cory."
"Or maybe it's that little kid from 7," Iridesce says. I'm not sure what her deal is with him, but part of me is starting to suspect that she's acting this way because he's my District partner. Or maybe because he was the one that set the trap and stabbed Callum. Either way, she doesn't like being outsmarted, and that's what he did. Now, we've been much more careful.
"You probably could've killed him," Iridesce says, sounding bored.
"I was focused on helping my ally."
"That's typical of you outer-District folk. The tendency to help rather than hurt. These are the Hunger Games. If you want to win, they all have to die."
"I figured that one out," I mutter.
"Then why didn't you kill him?"
"Because I couldn't. It wasn't good timing." I wasn't focused on killing Kendal, I was focused on helping Callum and Maggie. After all, allies are supposed to be able to trust each other.
"Callum was pretty vestigial anyways," Iridesce says. "How he always wanted to stay behind and be on defense. We're doing just fine without him. Boys are gross, right?" she laughs, and we both laugh with her.
The anthem saves us when it starts to play, and the only face to appear in the sky belongs to Collin of District 4. After his picture appears for a couple of seconds, it disappears again, and the seal appears one last time before disappearing.
"Oh. Wow! Looks like nobody won there," Iridesce says.
"What could have happened?" Maggie wondered. Had Vidarr turned on him and stabbed him in the back? The curiosity I felt was something I hated. I don't want to know how he died, but at the same time there's a sick part of me that is itching to find out. Knowing would be better for us, of course, as to which tributes are threats and where everyone's located, but I know the curiosity goes deeper and darker than that. That disgusts me.
"It's no use dwelling on it too much," Iridesce says. "It's just one more tribute out of our hair, right?"
"Exactly," I say quietly, and Maggie agrees.
"I'll take watch first," Maggie says, grabbing the night vision goggles.
"Alright, sounds good to me."
"Night."
Iridesce and I both lay down, and I close my eyes.
…
"Psst. Still awake?"
I stay still.
"Someone else can take a turn."
I keep lying still, pretending I'm sleeping, as Callum's screaming rings in my head on top of that of the others that have died.
There's a long moment when Maggie doesn't say anything, that feels like it takes forever. The screams of agony echo in my head endlessly.
"We're clear," Maggie silently picks up a backpack, and Iridesce doesn't stir. I sit up as slowly as I can, trying to drone out the tortured cries of the dead.
"Are you sure we shouldn't just kill her now?" I ask as quietly as humanly possible, silently picking up my axe.
"I'm sure. Let's go."
Maggie links arms with me and together, we start into the seemingly never-ending darkness.
~.~.
A/N: Phew! There we go! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm so so sorry I can't write really intense or well-choreographed fight scenes.
Thanks so much to Collin's submitter, he was really fun to write with and his alliance with Vi was so interesting that I had to linger on it for a while (if you couldn't tell in his POV).
You know what would be really cool? Posting the finale of this Games on Halloween. Don't get your hopes up, though, there's still lots of tributes left and I still don't have too much writing time.
But next chapter, things… are going to change. You'll see what I mean when I post it. There's something to look forward to for next time. A little surprise. Something to change things up.
So, then, you can still sponsor if you want! If not that's okay too. The list will be updated with what everyone has and needs after this chapter is posted. As for the afterlife AU… We'll see. I dunno. I'll try to start on the D6 chibis if I ever feel in a drawey mood.
Chapter Question: YOU give ME a chapter question and answer it. If I like it enough, I'll use it in future chapters and see what everyone else thinks.
Thanks so much for reading, reviews are always appreciated!
UPDATE: I just looked and saw that I just passed 400 reviews! :D Thank you all so very much for all the support, please let me know what you think! I hope you're enjoying the story!
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