Small Talk

The Doctor was the first one to emerge on their mystery tour. He'd decided that was, most likely, the safe option. They knew they were on Earth but they had no idea what time they would find themselves in. Their last trip had been another mystery tour of an alien planet, and this time they'd all agreed it was time to travel through Earth's history again.

"Oh, smell that air," the Doctor inhaled deeply. "Grass and lemonade. And a little bit of mint. A hint of mint," he frowned, "must be the nineteen twenties."

"You can tell what year it is just by smelling?" Donna asked him, laughing.

He grinned. "Oh, yeah."

Caroline pointed over his shoulder. "Or maybe that big vintage car coming up the drive gave it away."

The three of them ducked behind a few bushes, watching a butler speak to two men, one who looked to be a reverend.

"It's supposed to be a party," the reverend was saying to the portly man. "All this work will be the death of you."

"Never mind Planet Zog," Donna said. "A party in the 1920s, that's more like it."

Caroline was very thankful she had the Doctor next to her, because the mention of a party made her clutch his arm.

He shifted so that she had access to one of his hands, not even questioning it. "The trouble is, we haven't been invited. Oh, I forgot." He held up his psychic paper. "Yes, we have."

|C-S|

Donna managed to convince Caroline to wear a dress meant for the times. They forced the Doctor to wait outside while they chose their options for the day. Mainly, it was Donna doing the choosing.

He knocked on the door to the TARDIS. "We'll be late for cocktails!" he shouted, arms crossed.

The door opened and the women emerged, Donna first in a sleeveless black flapper dress. Caroline, tugging her sleeve up, wore a green one. "What do you think?" Donna asked, leaning against the TARDIS. "Flapper or slapper?"

The Doctor grinned at them. "Flapper. You both look lovely."

Caroline blushed. The Doctor reached out and, taking her hand, led the pair of them towards the tables and soft music. There were a few servants walking around, setting up all of the food and drinks.

"Good afternoon," the Doctor said as they approached.

"Drinks, sir?" a footman asked them. "Madams?"

"Sidecar, please," Donna said.

The footman turned to Caroline. "Lime and soda."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "One for me as well, thank you."

"May I announce Lady Clemency Eddison," another man said as a blonde woman approached them.

The Doctor stepped away from Caroline to shake Lady Eddison's hand. "Lady Eddison."

It was very obvious that Lady Eddison didn't actually know who they were. "Forgive me, but who exactly might you be, and what are you doing here?"

"I'm the Doctor. This is Miss Caroline Attwater and Miss Donna Noble…of the Chiswick Nobles."

Donna curtsied. "Good afternoon, my lady," she put on some posher accent. "Topping day, what? Spiffing! Top ho!"

The Doctor touched her shoulder, leaning forward. "No, no, no, no, no. No, don't do that. Don't." He showed the psychic paper to Lady Eddison. "We were thrilled to receive your invitation, my lady. We met at the Ambassador's reception."

Lady Eddison nodded, a small smile. "Doctor, how could I forget you? But one must be sure with the Unicorn on the loose."

The Doctor grinned. "A unicorn? Brilliant. Where?"

Lady Edison frowned. "The Unicorn. The jewel thief? Nobody knows who he is. He's just struck again. Snatched Lady Babbington's peoples right from under her nose."

Donna shrugged. "Funny place to wear pearls." A footman arrived with their drinks and Caroline was thankful to have something to hold. This felt like it was more small talk then she'd had to do in her entire life.

"May I announce Colonel Hugh Curbishley, the Honorable Roger Curbishly," the man from before announced as a young man arrived pushing an older man in a wheelchair.

"My husband," Lady Eddison said, stepping towards them, "and my son."

Hugh nodded towards them. "Forgive me for not rising. Never been the same since that flu epidemic back in eighteen."

"My word," Roger turned to Donna, "you are a super lady."

Donna smiled. "Oh, I like the cut of your jib. Chin-chin."

Then he turned to Caroline, and the Doctor spotted her flailing. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

Roger leaned back slightly in surprise, but the Doctor touched Caroline's back to remind her that he was there, that she didn't have to worry. "How do you go?"

"Very well," he shook the man's hand.

The footman arrived again, inclining his head to Roger. "Your usual, sir?"

"Ah, thank you Davenport. Just how I like it."

Donna leaned a bit closer to the Doctor and Caroline. "How come she's an Eddison, but her husband and son are Curbishleys?"

"The Eddison title descends through her," he explained. "One day Roger will be a lord."

"Miss Robina Redmond," the man busy doing the announcing said, and a woman dressed in red approached the party.

Lady Eddison leaned closer to them, watching Robina. "She's the absolute hit of the social scene. A must." She walked up to the woman. "Miss Redmond."

Robina smiled. "Spiffing to meet you at last, my lady. What super fun."

"Reverend Arnold Golightly." The reverend they had seen before walked up to the group.

"Ah, Reverend," Lady Eddison walked up to him. "How are you? I heard about the church last Thursday night. Those ruffians breaking in."

"You apprehended them, I hear," Hugh said.

The reverend smiled, inclining his head. "As the Christian Fathers taught me, we must forgive them their trespasses. Quite literally."

"Some of these young boys deserve a descent thrashing," Roger said.

"Couldn't agree more, sir," the footman said, handing Roger a drink, and giving them the chance to share a look.

Donna scoffed. "Typical. All the decent men are on the other bus."

"Or Time Lords," the Doctor shrugged, taking a drink. Caroline smiled, barely noticing that she and the Doctor were standing close enough to be touching, even if the Doctor had removed his hand from her back.

"Now, my lady," the reverend asked Lady Eddison. "What about this special guest you promised us?"

"Here she is!" Lady Eddison said, gesturing up the lawn. "A lady who needs no introduction."

Everyone turned to see a blonde woman walking towards them, though she didn't seem to enjoy all of the sudden applause. "No, no, please, don't." She tried to smile, and Caroline felt a strange kinship with her. "Thank you, Lady Eddison. Honestly, there's no need." She saw the trio standing to the side and walked over to them, shaking Donna's hand. "Agatha Christie." Caroline was fairly certain that the Doctor started bouncing in excitement.

"What about her?"

"That's me."

Donna's eyes widened. "No. You're kidding!"

"Agatha Christie!" the Doctor stepped forward to shake her hand quite enthusiastically. "I was just talking about you the other day. I said, 'I bet she's brilliant'. I'm the Doctor, this is Caroline, this is Donna. Oh, I love your stuff. What a mind! You fool me every time. Well, almost every time. Well, once or twice. Well, once. But it was a good once."

Caroline chuckled at him. "You are wonderful."

Agatha smiled at them all. "You make a rather unusual couple."

The Doctor and Donna's eyes widened. "Oh, no, no, no, no. We're not married."

"We're not a couple."

Agatha laughed. "Well, obviously not. No wedding ring." And then she looked at Caroline and the Doctor for a second longer, a peculiar expression on her face that Caroline was certain everyone else had missed.

The Doctor just grinned again. "Oh. Oh, you don't miss a trick."

Agatha turned to Donna. "I'd stay that way if I were you. The thrill is in the chase, never in the capture."

"Mrs. Christie," Lady Eddison said, drawing her away, "I'm so glad you could come. I'm one of your greatest followers. I've read all six of your books. Er…is, er, Mr. Christie not joining us?"

"Is he needed? Can't a woman make her own way in the world?"

Hugh laughed. "Don't give my wife ideas."

"Now, Mrs. Christie, I have a question," Roger asked. "Why a Belgian detective?"

The Doctor stepped forward, pulling the newspaper from Hugh. "Excuse me, Colonel."

"Belgians make such lovely buns," Agatha said, earning a laugh from the crowd.

Roger looked around them all. "I say, where on Earth's Professor Peach? He'd love to meet Mrs. Christie."

"Said he was going to the library," the reverend replied.

"Miss Chandrakala," Lady Eddison said to her housekeeper, "would you go and collect the Professor?"

"At once, Milady."

Caroline leaned closer to the Doctor as he studied the paper. "The date on this newspaper," the Doctor said, showing the paper to Donna.

Donna frowned. "What about it?"

"It's the day Agatha Christie disappeared." The group looked up at where Agatha stood. "She'd just discovered her husband was having an affair."

"You'd never think to look at her, smiling away."

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, she's British and moneyed. That's what they do. They carry on. Except for this one time. No one knows exactly what happened. She just vanished. Her car will be found tomorrow morning by the side of a lake. Ten days later, Agatha Christie turns up in a hotel in Harrogate. Said she'd lost her memory. She never spoke about the disappearance till the day she died, but whatever it was…"

"It's about to happen," Caroline breathed.

He nodded. "Right here, right now."

"Professor!" the housekeeper shouted, running from the house and making them all turn. "The library! Murder! Murder!"

|C-S|

The Doctor was the first one to the library, having practically dropped the paper and drink the moment the housekeeper began shouting. Donna was next, and then came Caroline and Agatha. Almost instantly, he went to the body, crouching beside it.

"Oh, my goodness," the footman gasped.

"Bashed on the head," the Doctor concluded. "Blunt instrument. Watch broke as he fell," he tapped the watch. "Time of death was quarter past four." He stood and began to filter through the papers on the desk, Caroline walking up to join him.

Donna bent down and picked up a small bit of pipe. "A bit of pipe. Call me Hercules Poirot, but I reckon that's blunt enough."

Caroline watched over the Doctor's shoulder as Agatha picked something out of the fire and she frowned, watching as the woman said nothing.

The Doctor stepped back from the desk. "Nothing worth killing for in that lot. Dry as dust."

"Hold on." Donna touched the Doctor's arm. "The body in the library? I mean, Professor Peach, in the library, with the lead piping?"

At the door, the rest of the guests tried to shove themselves into the room as well. "Let me see!" Lady Eddison called from the hall.

"Out of my way," Hugh agreed.

Lady Eddison gasped, finally making it in. "Gerald?"

The reverend touched his chest. "Saints preserve us."

Robina shook her head. "Oh how awful."

"Someone should call the police."

The Doctor pulled out his psychic paper. "You don't have to. Chief Inspector Smith from Scotland Yard, known as the Doctor. Miss Attwater and Miss Noble are the plucky young girls who help me out." He flashed the paper.

"I say," Lady Eddison leaned back.

"Mrs. Christie was right. Go to the sitting room. I will question each of you in turn."

Agatha nodded, gesturing everyone out of the room. "Come along. Do as the Doctor says. Leave the room undisturbed."

Once they were alone, Donna turned to the Doctor with crossed arms. "The plucky young girls who help me out?"

The Doctor shrugged, crouching again. "No policewomen in 1926."

"I'll pluck you in a minute."

"Have you found something?" Caroline frowned as the Doctor leaned a bit closer to study something on the floor.

He nodded. "Morphic residue." He scraped it off the ground using a popsicle stick that Caroline didn't question the origin of. He held it out to the two of them.

"Morphic? Doesn't sound very 1926."

"It's left behind when certain species genetically re-encode." Caroline's eyes widened at that information.

"The murderer's an alien?"

Caroline glanced at the door. "One of them is an alien in human form." The Doctor nodded.

Donna chuckled. "Think about it. There's a murder, a mystery, and Agatha Christie."

The Doctor shrugged, sniffing the morphic residue. "So? Happens to me all the time."

"No, but isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders. Not really. I mean, that's like meeting Charles Dickens and he's surrounded by ghosts at Christmas."

The Doctor paused before shrugging again. "Well."

"Oh, come on!" Donna laughed. "It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy." The Doctor said nothing. "Could we? Noddy's not real. Is he? Tell me there's no Noddy."

The Doctor stood, moving towards the door. "There's no Noddy."

"Next thing you know," Donna continued, the trio walking out to the stairs, "you'll be telling us it's like Murder On The Orient Express, and they all did it."

"Murder on the Orient Express?" Agatha asked, appearing from a landing.

Donna nodded. "Ooo, yeah. One of your best."

The Doctor grimaced slightly. "But not yet."

Agatha, thankfully, didn't hear the Doctor's whisper. "Marvelous idea, though."

"Yeah. Tell you what. Copyright Donna Noble, okay?" Donna winked and Caroline giggled.

"Anyway," the Doctor leaned forward, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Agatha and I will question the suspects. Donna, Caroline, you two search the bedrooms. Look for clues." He switched to a whisper. "Any more residue." Then he drew a rather large magnifying glass from his pocket, and Caroline made a note to ask him how pockets that appeared to be bigger on the inside actually worked. "You'll need this."

Donna just fixed him with raised eyebrows. "Is that for real?"

"Go on. You're ever so plucky."

Donna glared, but she took the magnifying glass and the pair of them went up the stairs. Caroline didn't notice the Doctor watching her walk away, but Agatha did. She said nothing, only noted it, among the other few interactions she had witnessed between the pair of them.

Donna glared, but she took the magnifying glass and the pair of them went up the stairs. Caroline didn't notice the Doctor watching her walk away, but Agatha did. She said nothing, only noted it, among the other few interactions she had witnessed between the pair of them.

The moment Caroline and Donna were alone, Caroline crossed her arms. "How are you feeling?" Donna asked.

"I don't like parties."

"How do you feel about" she held up the magnifying glass "investigating?"

Caroline smiled. "I much prefer it."

"Then we shall begin." The pair began to check doors and bedrooms. Really, there was nothing that exciting in the rooms, just clothes and bags and everything you would expect.

That is, until they'd found one locked door. The pair had paused, frowning, before stepping closer to the door.

"You won't find anything in there," the butler said suddenly, making both of them jump slightly.

"How come it's locked?"

"Lady Eddison commands it to be so."

Donna raised an eyebrow. "And I command it to be otherwise. Scotland Yard. Pip, pip."

The butler looked unhappy, but he did as Donna requested. Caroline took a breath before speaking. "Why was it locked?"

"Many years ago, when my father was butler to the family, Lady Eddison returned from India with malaria. She locked herself in this room for six months until she recovered. Since then, the room has remained undisturbed." The pair stepped inside. It was a bedroom, as expected, with drawn curtains and a teddy bear at the end of a bed. "There's nothing in here."

Donna stepped inside. "How long's it been empty?"

"Forty years."

"Why would she seal it off?" Donna glanced at Caroline, who shrugged. "All right, we need to investigate. You just butle off." The butler left and the two moved to the center of the room. Caroline touched the top of the teddy bear as Donna walked to the curtain, both of them hearing a buzzing. "1926, they've still got bees. Oh, what a noise. All right, busy bee, I'll let you out. Hold on, I shall find you" she held up the magnifying glass "with my amazing powers of detection." She pulled aside the curtains and Caroline spun, both of them staring with wide eyes at what was an impossibly gigantic wasp.

"That's not…" Caroline breathed, and she jumped when the wasp smashed through the window. "That's impossible."

Donna backed away, running towards the door, and focused the magnifying glass so that it would reflect light onto the wasp. Thankfully, it gave them enough time to leave the room and close the door. "Doctor!" they leaned against the wall as the gigantic stinger broke through the door.

The Doctor and Agatha ran up to them, the Doctor instinctively checking that Caroline wasn't injured first.

Donna held a hand to her chest, Caroline just pressing herself against the wall. "It's a giant wasp."

The Doctor frowned. "What do you mean, a giant wasp?"

"I mean a wasp that's giant."

Agatha shook her head. "It's only a silly insect."

"Look at its sting," Caroline said, nodding towards the stinger.

The Doctor pushed open the door. "Let me see." They all stepped inside, but the room was empty. "It's gone. Buzzed off."

Agatha leaned closer to the stinger. "But that's fascinating."

"Don't touch it," the Doctor said, kneeling beside it. "Don't touch it. Let me." Carefully, he gathered a sample using a pencil. "Giant wasp. Well, tons of amorphous insectivorous lifeforms, but none in this galactic vector."

Agatha shook her head, chuckling. "I think I understood some of those words. Enough to know that you're completely potty."

"Lost its sting, though. That makes it defenseless."

Caroline crossed her arms. "Given the size, it will likely be able to grow a new one." The Doctor nodded, flashing Caroline a smile.

"Can we return to sanity?" Agatha sighed. "There are no such things as giant wasps."

"Exactly. So the question is, what's it doing here?"

They were interrupted by a scream and no one even had to consider running to find what had happened. They found the housekeeper on ground, pinned under a stone gargoyle. "The poor little child," she said quietly as her eyes closed.

"There!" the Doctor said, pointing up, at the wasp flying above them. "Come on!" they turned and ran back into the house, following the wasp.

"Hey, this makes a change," Donna laughed as they ran up a staircase. "There's a monster, and we're chasing it."

"It can't be a monster," Agatha said plainly. "It's a trick. They do it with mirrors." They stopped at the top of the stars, seeing the wasp hovering under an archway. "By all that's holy…"

The Doctor grinned. "Oh, but you are wonderful." He stepped forward, hand out. "Now, just stop. Stop there."

The wasp lunged at him, hitting the wall with the stinger. "Oi, fly boy," Donna held up the magnifying glass again and the wasp retreated, remembering what had happened last time.

"Don't let it get away!" the Doctor ran after it. "Quick, before it reverts back to human form." He stopped at a bedroom hall, all doors closed. "Where are you? Come on. There's nowhere to run. Show yourself!" Every single door opened and someone different stepped out of each room. The Doctor sighed. "Oh, that's just cheating."

|C-S|

This time, the entire group was in the sitting room, including Donna and Caroline. All of the guests were sitting while the time travelers stood around the edge of the room, Caroline leaning next to the Doctor.

"My faithful companion," Lady Eddison cried, "this is terrible."

"Excuse me, my lady," the butler said, "but she was on her way to tell you something."

Lady Eddison shook her head. "She never found me. She had an appointment with death instead."

"She said, 'the poor little child'," the Doctor said. "Does that mean anything to anyone?"

Hugh shook his head. "No children in this house for years." He fixed his son with a look. "Highly unlikely there will be."

"Mrs. Chrstie," Lady Eddison turned to her, "you must have twigged something. You've written simply the best detective stories."

"Tell us…what would Poirot do?" the reverend asked, nodding.

Agatha said nothing, and Hugh grumbled. "Heaven's sake. Cards on the table, woman. You should be helping us."

"But, I'm merely a writer."

"But surely you can crack it," Robina said. "These events, they're exactly like one of your plots."

Donna nodded. "That's what I've been saying. Agatha, that's got to mean something."

"But what? I've no answers. None. I'm sorry, all of you. I'm truly sorry, but I've failed. If anyone can help us, then it's the Doctor, not me." She turned and walked out of the room. Caroline waited a second, touching the Doctor's arm, before following her.

She felt bad for Agatha. She'd been a fan of the woman's novels when she'd been younger, she'd found kinship with a writer who seemed to understand what it was like to notice things no one else did.

Caroline found Agatha sitting in a gazebo outside of the house. "I'm sorry."

Agatha looked to her. "I'm surprised you were the one who came."

"Why?"

"Talking to people does not seem to be your strong suit."

Caroline smiled, sitting next to the woman. "Very true." She paused. "The Doctor told me what happened as you questioned the suspects. It was impressive."

She sighed. "Your friend was right. These murders are like my own creations. It's as though someone's mocking me, and I've had enough scorn for one lifetime."

"Yes, I would say you have," Caroline nodded.

"Is my marriage the stuff of gossip now?"

"Yes." There was no point lying to Agatha Christie, out of anyone. "I'm sorry."

"No matter." Agatha shook her head. "The stories are true. I found my husband with another woman. A younger, prettier woman. Isn't it always the way?"

Caroline shrugged. "For one of my friends it was a giant spider."

Agatha chuckled. "You, the Doctor and Miss Noble talk such wonderful nonsense."

"Agatha, your books are loved. They are loved now, and I am certain they will be loved in the future. For years, centuries, to come."

She smiled sadly. "If only. Try as I might, it's hardly great literature. Now that's beyond me. I'm afraid my books will be forgotten, like ephemera." Agatha looked down among the plants around them, and Caroline followed her gaze, both women frowning at the same moment. "Hello, what's that?" She stood, bending over them. "Those flowerbeds were perfectly neat earlier. Now some of the stalks are bent over." She pulled a case from the flowers.

Caroline's eyes widened. "What's that?"

"A clue," Agatha breathed.

A/N: Adventure with Agatha Christie time! I wonder what will happen with the Doctor and Caroline now :)