AN: Second to last chapter, guys. ~_~
There was a strong wind blowing from the sea the next day - not so strong as to cause a problem for the two ships' departure, but just enough to make hearing one another difficult once everyone was on the dock.
Even so, Bucky didn't have any problem hearing T'Challa when he said, "I suppose this is farewell, then."
Bucky cleared his throat and bowed his head. "Looks like," he said, and offered the king his hand.
"Though the circumstances of our meeting were far from ideal," T'Challa said as he shook Bucky's hand. "I am not afraid to say I'm very sorry to see you go, Bucky Barnes."
Throat tight, Bucky gave him a wobbly smile. "I don't know how I can ever repay you," he said quietly, subtly glancing at Tony, who was standing beside him.
Having already bid T'Challa their thanks and farewells, Steve and the others were waiting a polite distance away, far enough to give Tony, Bucky, and T'Challa some privacy, but not so far as to let either one of their friends out of their site.
T'Challa chuckled. "I do," he said, patting Bucky's arm and tilting his head towards Tony. "Take care of this one for me, yes?"
Bucky laughed. "Always," he promised, while Tony huffed indignantly.
T'Challa grinned, then turned to Tony and took his hand in both of his. "You, too, my friend," he said gravely, motioning towards Bucky with his chin. "Though this one pretends to be strong, he needs much looking after."
Tony met Bucky's eyes briefly, then skittered away. "I know," he said in a tone nearly as serious as T'Challa's, then smiled crookedly and added, "If you're ever in Aavenge, you'll come visit me, okay?"
T'Challa's smile was wide enough to show them his dimples. "I look forward to it," he promised, before stepping back and nodding towards the two ships behind them. "In the meantime, I will bid you both a safe journey, and wish you happiness upon your return."
Bucky and Tony both glanced at each other, then away.
"We'll certainly try, but you know us," Bucky said, earning him a tiny smile from T'Challa and a whack in the side from Tony.
"Then that is all I will ask of you," T'Challa said seriously, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
Tony sighed, then stepped forward, face oddly serious. "Thank you, Your Majesty," he said formally, and bowed his head.
"You are very welcome, Your Lordship," T'Challa returned, and surprised Tony by bowing his head as well.
"God, I hope he didn't just jinx us with the safe journey thing," Tony muttered as they walked back towards the others.
Bucky, who had been having similar thoughts, made a face.
With their luck, Quill's ship probably had a slow leak.
"Absolutely not," Rhodes said sharply, when Tony showed interest in sailing back on the Asgardians' ship instead of Quill's. "I already told you next time you'd ride with me, remember?"
Tony opened his mouth to protest, but was steamrolled by Peggy.
"Don't worry, Captain Rhodes, there's not going to be a next time," Peggy said pleasantly. Tony blinked in surprise and then perked up, only to groan when Peggy added, "Because I'm never letting you out of my sight again."
Tony scowled and turned to Steve, who was shaking his head before Tony could even speak.
"Oh no, we only just got you back," he said firmly, crossing his arms. "I'm with Peggy and Rhodey - you stay with us, on the Milano, where we can keep an eye on you. Right, Bucky?" he added, turning towards Bucky and faltering when he saw Bucky inching towards the Bifrost. "Buck?"
Bucky grunted. "You do what you want, I'm riding in the giant floating fort that survived an angry, venom-spitting sea monster attack," he said, pointing at the Bifrost with his thumb.
Tony jabbed a finger at Bucky. "See!"
Steve's mouth thinned. "We should stick together," he protested, face pinched.
"Then climb aboard, they got plenty'a room," Bucky sniffed, then pointedly tilted his head towards Tony. "And a pretty well-stocked sickbay, if I recall."
That, at least, gave both Steve and Rhodes pause. Rhodes eyed the ship, expression thoughtful, then turned to Peggy.
"The Milano's sickbay is a bit lacking," he admitted, mouth downturned.
Tony nodded and snapped his fingers. "See, that's a no go. What if I relapse, or take a turn for the worst?" he asked, eyes wide.
"He's right, you know," Romanoff, who'd been quietly watching over the proceedings from the Milano's railing, remarked. "He already looks like he's on death's door."
Tony threw his hands in the air. "Why does everything keep saying that?" he demanded. "I haven't seen any of you in weeks, and the first thing out of everyone's mouth is 'Tony, you look terrible!' or 'Tony, you look dead!'" He crossed his arms, mouth turned down. "Once, just once, I'd like somebody to remind me how handsome I am."
"I still think you're handsome, Tony," Lord Quill quipped from the Milano's stern - likely, Bucky thought, because he couldn't see Peggy from that angle.
Tony huffed and rolled his eyes, then froze, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Thank you, Peter!" he called up sweetly. Then he turned to Peggy, the picture of innocence, and asked, "Do you really want me on the same ship as Peter?"
As one, Peggy, Steve, Rhodes, and Bucky all looked over at the Milano's stern. Lord Quill, who'd been cheerfully waving at Tony, froze, then hastily dropped his hand, withering under the combined might of their glare.
Peggy turned back to Tony. "Fine," she sniffed. "But you'd better be right about there being plenty of room, because I'm sailing with you."
Bucky, Tony, Steve, Peggy, Rhodes, Romanoff, and Clint Barton all ended up boarding the Bifrost, and the two ships finally departed.
Thor, of course, was ecstatic, and called for another feast.
"To celebrate our friends' glorious return!" he proclaimed, after nearly breaking Bucky's back with another rib-cracking hug.
"Uh, you really don't-" Steve began, only to break off with a sharp "Ouch!" when Peggy stepped on his foot.
"That sounds lovely," Peggy said, smiling widely. "In the meantime, could I trouble you to show us where we're staying? I have much to catch Tony up on, and we didn't get a chance in Wakanda."
"But of course," replied Hogun, nodding gravely. Then he tilted his head towards Tony. "Would you and Sir Barnes like the same room you had before, or…?"
"No," Bucky said quickly, before coughing and adding, "Uh, that is… we won't be sharing a room, this time."
Hogun - and Peggy - gave him a strange look, then shrugged. "Alright, then. We can find you something else," he said, turning and motioning for them all to follow.
"We will have a joyous journey!" Thor said cheerfully, patting Bucky on the back as he passed.
"Yes, and this time, we promise not to let you fall off," Fandral added, touching the side of his nose and winking at them.
Bucky and Tony both grinned. Steve and Peggy, however, didn't think it was funny.
To Bucky's dismay, he ended up sharing a cabin with Steve.
"You don't mind, do you?" Steve asked, giving Bucky, God help him, the sad eyes.
"No," Bucky lied, sitting down on his bed and rubbing at his eyes. When he stopped and looked up, Steve was still standing there, looking at him expectantly. "What?"
Steve shook his head. "It's just… it's good to see you. With everything that's been going on, we haven't had a moment alone." He rubbed at his mouth, then grinned, eyes a little brighter as he asked, "So... 'Sir Barnes'?"
Bucky scoffed. "Tony knighted me," he said, mouth twitching in spite of himself. "On account of me fighting a dragon for him, and all."
Steve winced, then plopped down in the bunk across from Bucky's. "I'd been hoping Thor had exaggerated that," he said, looking down and resting his elbows on his knees. "But God, I'm glad you're okay... Shield thought you were dead."
Bucky cleared his throat. "I'm glad I had Fury's confidence," he replied, even though he was neither bothered nor surprised.
Steve grimaced. "In his defense, the signs weren't much in your favor," he said, mouth turned down unhappily. "We got the ransom letter that proved Tony was alive, but we never heard anything about you. Then we found your horse and some of your equipment in the desert, but no sign of you, and with the mess of that camp…" He bit his lip. "We didn't even know you two were together until Thor's group told us, and we got the message from Wakanda that mentioned you specifically by name."
Bucky grunted and looked away, feeling uncomfortable under Steve's scrutiny.
"You asked me to look after him," Bucky said quietly, when he couldn't think of anything else to say.
Steve stood up, and then a hand landed on Bucky's shoulder. "Thank you," he said softly, expression open and earnest in a way only Stevie could manage. "Thank you for looking after him, and getting him - and yourself - back to me safely."
Bucky ducked his head, face warming with embarrassment - and a trickle of shame. "Don't thank me," he mumbled, glancing down at his hands. "He had my back as much as I had his."
Steve chuckled. "He has a way of doing that," he agreed, chewing on his lip.
"He's amazing," Bucky said softly, digging his hands into his thighs "You were right, Stevie, everything you said and more. He's funny and kind and brave and loyal and-" He stopped himself, throat burning, and then forced himself to look up at Steve. "You're lucky to have him," he said, keeping his voice steady by sheer force of will.
Steve cleared his throat and looked away, his face clouding over in… guilt?
Bucky frowned. "You're not… blaming yourself for any of this, are you?" he asked slowly, standing up so he would be eye-level with Steve. "Because that's a special kinda stupid there, Stevie. Nobody could have predicted any of this."
Steve shrugged. "Maybe not," he said, but he was still wearing that sad, faraway look in his eye.
Bucky sighed, ready to argue his point, and then froze when some of what Steve had said earlier caught up with him.
"Wait - did you say ransom letter?" he asked, brow furrowed.
Steve blinked in surprise. "What?"
"A second ago. You said you knew Tony was alive because of the ransom letter," Bucky said slowly, frowning. "The bandits that took him wanted him to build things for them. They never said anything about a ransom."
Steve's face darkened. "Probably because they weren't the ones doing the ransoming. They were just the ones doing the dirty work," he said with a scowl.
Bucky felt his spine stiffen, fury simmering low in his belly. "Who?" he growled, clenching his fists.
Steve squared his jaw. "The same person who poisoned Lord Stark," he said. "Obadiah Stane. Lord Stark's senior advisor, and Tony's godfather."
Stane had done it, Steve said, in hopes of giving himself a shot at the throne.
"That's just fucking stupid," Bucky hissed, breathing hard and clenching and unclenching his fists. "Wouldn't Peggy - Lady Margaret - just be named Head of Stark?"
Steve nodded. "It would have to be voted upon by the other courts, but yes. She's the first blood relative, so it'd go to her by default. Unless -" Steve's face soured. "She turned it down, or named someone in her stead."
"And he thought she'd actually do that?" Bucky asked incredulously, shaking his head. "No, never mind - he thought he could make her do that -"
"By blackmailing her with Tony's life," Steve finished, scowling. "It's the reason the bastard had him kidnapped instead of killed. He had a prior association with the leader of the people who held you -"
"Raza," Bucky supplied, squaring his jaw.
"- Raza, right, that was the name on the letters. Stane had been doing dealings with him for years - selling Stark secrets and ideas, even some of Tony and Lord Howard's inventions - so when he needed a way to get Tony out of the way, he thought of him first." Steve stopped and rubbed his hands together, jaw working furiously. "He had it all planned out. Kill Lord Howard, kidnap Tony so he could blackmail Peggy, and once he was named Head of Stark, get rid Peggy and Tony."
Bucky gritted his teeth. "Where is the bastard now?"
Wherever he was, Bucky was going to make damn sure he wasn't going to hurt Tony - or anybody - ever again.
Steve's mouth twitched. "Dead," he said, and there was no hiding the satisfaction in his voice.
Bucky shifted, and regarded him suspiciously. "How?"
"By underestimating Peggy Carter Stark," Steve said smugly.
Bucky straightened. "She killed him?"
"Technically, the fall did," Steve said, though he still looked far too smug for that to be the whole story.
Bucky crossed his arms. "What happened?"
Steve rubbed at his mouth. "Since the attacks were only on the Starks, Peggy figured that whoever had orchestrated everything must have wanted someone other than Tony or Howard in position of Head of Stark, and that Howard not actually dying had to have ruined whoever's plans," he said, mouth twitching. "So, the second he woke up, she had Lord Stark abdicate his position and name her head instead, since the heir was still in the wind. Once Stane found out, he confronted her - just like Peggy had hoped he would - and, well..."
He shrugged, and if Bucky wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of pride in his voice as he added, "Don't ever challenge the new Lady Stark to a fight, and never near a third-story window."
Bucky's grin was feral. "I like her," he said, startling a chuckle out of Steve.
"Yeah, she's… something else," he agreed, and gave Bucky a brittle smile.
Bucky frowned, wondering what he'd said wrong. He started to ask, but before he could say anything Steve laughed, and rubbed his hands over his face. "I just can't believe all of this happened," he muttered. "Stane had been planning this for years, but he had to move quickly once Tony and I got engaged. I," he stopped and shook his head, then stared off into space. "Do you realize, now, that there's only a few weeks left until the wedding?"
Bucky sucked in a quick breath, and let it out just as suddenly, looking down so Stevie wouldn't see his expression.
No, he hadn't realized, but - it had been almost three months, hadn't it? It felt like longer - hell, it felt like a lifetime ago - but it hadn't been, really, not in the grand scheme of things. Life went on, and in a few weeks, Bucky's best friend and the man Bucky loved more than anything were going to get married.
When he finally returned his gaze to Steve's face, he was surprised at how somber Steve looked.
"A lot has changed," Steve said, looking down at his clasped hands.
Bucky cleared his throat. "Yeah," he mumbled hoarsely, remembering how warm Tony had always felt at his side. "It has."
Tony was quiet and distant when Bucky saw him at Thor's feast, sitting nestled between Peggy and Rhodes, who had an arm thrown protectively around his shoulders. Bucky hesitated when he saw him, and to his surprise, so did Steve. Unlike Bucky, though, Steve didn't tamp down on the urge to walk over to him, and then quietly squeeze himself between Tony and Peggy.
Tony's eyes found Bucky's, looking faintly guilty when Steve slid an arm around him as well, but Bucky only gave him a tiny, strained smile, and then moved further down until he was sitting between Romanoff and Volstagg.
"Aye, my friend, you look like you could use this," Volstagg said cheerfully, plopping a full goblet down in front of Bucky.
Bucky gulped down about half of it in one go, then turned to Romanoff, who was staring at him with one eyebrow raised, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "What?"
Romanoff shrugged, he expression taking on its usual, careful blankness. "Nothing," she replied. "You're… different, is all."
Bucky scowled. "I've been stabbed, shot at, shocked, drown, beat up, cut up, and nearly eaten, drowned, disemboweled, blown up, and executed in the last several weeks," he said stiffly, accepting another drink when Volstagg offered it to him. "I think that might change someone a little, don't you?"
Romanoff frowned. "I imagine," she agreed. Then she shocked Bucky by carefully patting the top of his leg. "I'm sorry, Bucky," she said softly. "If we had gotten to you sooner, we might have been able to spare you some of the pain."
Bucky put down his cup, and glanced further up the table, at Tony. He looked half-asleep, and as Bucky watched he started leaning into Steve, until his head was resting on Steve's shoulder and his eyes started drooping.
"I doubt it," Bucky said, before asking Volstagg to refill his cup.
Bucky spent the rest of the voyage avoiding Tony. He tried avoiding Steve, too, but that wasn't as successful, especially when Stevie kept trying to hunt him down and talk to him, all earnest and worried.
Bucky lied through his teeth, telling Steve that everything was fine and that he just wanted a little solitude after not having any in weeks. Steve believed him, but then he started getting all earnest and worried about that, too, so Bucky had to find new ways of getting him to leave Bucky alone.
Hiding, of course, worked best, but hanging around other people - the Asgardians in particular - worked pretty well, too. So Bucky spared with Sif and joked with Thor, and talked with Hogun and got to know Rhodes. He challenged Clint and Volstagg to archery competitions, and Fandral and Natasha to knife throwing ones. He participated in their drunken bets and revelry, and joined their conversations when he was invited.
And he continued to avoid Tony.
Bucky felt terrible for it - he knew he wasn't being fair, to either Tony or Steve - but it hurt too much to do anything else. He physically ached, sometimes, when he passed Tony by chance, or spotted him in the mess during meals. He kept thinking of things he wanted to tell Tony - jokes Bucky knew he would find funny, or just things he thought about that he wanted to share. He woke up at night feeling cold and empty, rolling over and reaching for someone who wasn't there.
To make everything worse, Steve was still acting guilty, and seemed to have decided to make up for it by sticking to Tony's side like glue. Bucky kept catching them together - talking, eating, walking around the ship - and even though he knew he didn't have the right, it still made his insides burn with shame and guilt and jealousy. One night he found them both sitting on the upper deck, talking softly while Tony leaned into Steve's side, and had very nearly cried with how right it had looked, even as every fiber of Bucky's being had screamed it was wrong.
So, yes, Bucky really was looking forward to being back on land - where avoidance would be much easier - and therefore gave a mental sigh of relief when Heimdall announced that they would be at port within the next day or two.
"You must be relieved to finally be going home," Peggy - Lady Stark, now, Bucky supposed - said quietly, leaning against the railing to Bucky's left.
Bucky gave her a thin smile. "Careful, now, you'll curse us," he warned. "I wouldn't put it past Quill to accidentally plow into our ship and sink us both, or a flock of man-eating eagles to fly overhead and try to carry us off."
Peggy chuckled. "Funny, Tony said the same thing. Only his example involved a giant tentacle coming out of the sea and plucking him from the deck."
Bucky nodded. "Equally likely," he agreed, before returning his gaze to the horizon.
Peggy didn't take the hint, however, and remained where she was. Bucky could feel her eyes on him, so after a few minutes had passed he finally turned back to her. "Is there something you wanted?"
Peggy's face turned pensive. "In a matter of speaking," she said slowly, cocking her head. She seemed in no hurry to elaborate, however, so Bucky sighed and went back to staring at the ocean.
"Tony's in love with you, did you know?"
The railing beneath Bucky's hands cracked.
Peggy raised her eyebrows. "I'll take that as a yes," she said mildly, nodding towards Bucky's hands. "Is that why you've been avoiding him?"
Bucky cleared his throat, and then worked his jaw, removing his hands from the railing before he snapped it in half. "In a matter of speaking," he said finally, using Peggy's words as well.
Peggy's mouth thinned. "That's all you have to say about it?" she asked, eyes narrowed. "Nothing else to add? Nothing about yourself?"
Bucky sucked in a breath, and laughed humorlessly. "What can I say?" he said with a shrug. "It was bound to happen, after all -" He waved his hand around to encompass... everything. "- this. It happens. He suffered through a lot of traumatic events, and I was there with him through every one of them. He - we - were bound to latch on to each other."
Which was a lie, Bucky knew, at least on his part. He would have fallen in love with Tony if they'd spent the last two months leisurely strolling through meadows, but this woman didn't have to know that.
"I see," Peggy said slowly, eyes hardening.
Bucky raised his chin at her definitely. He wasn't going to let Tony get in trouble because he'd fallen for the wrong man.
"Well, see to it that you don't upset him," she said coolly, after a few more seconds of regarding him. "He hasn't said anything, but I know you've been hurting him by avoiding him."
Bucky barely suppressed a flinch, then scowled.
"That's what I've been tryin' to avoid," he mumbled, half to himself.
The following day - after two sea voyages, miles of walking through deserts and valleys and jungles, and weeks of travel - Bucky finally set foot on Aavenge soil.
"Damn, I forgot how much Marvel Port smells," Tony exclaimed when he stepped off - but he was grinning, and his eyes were a little damp.
Bucky shot him a wide grin before he remembered he was supposed to be avoiding him, then caught Steve's eye, and looked away.
It looked like half of Shield had been waiting for them to arrive, and they received a warm welcome from all of them, including Lord Fury himself and all of the Howling Commandos, who tried to crush Bucky in a large and rather embarrassing group hug.
"Dumbass. We thought you were dead. Again!" Dum-dum complained, whacking him on the back and then turning to Sif. "Why, hello, there…"
Fury even gave Bucky a pat on the back, which, from him, might as well have been a hug and a love confession.
"You did a good job, Barnes," he said in an undertone. "I had my doubts before, but… good job."
Bucky nodded and, since Fury seemed to be in a good mood, gave the man a lazy salute he didn't think he would have gotten away with ordinarily.
Fury twitched, then went to find Steve so he could ream into him for apparently taking off with Lord Quill and Peggy without his permission.
"Your father, Mr. Jarvis, and Pepper will be waiting for you at the Triskelion," Peggy told Tony as she started leading him away. "They'll be anxious to see you - Mr. Jarvis has been worrying himself sick, and Ana - goodness gracious, she's going to be in a state…"
Bucky heard a sound beside him, and looked over to see Rhodes standing next to him.
"Must be good to be home, right?" he said, giving Bucky a warm smile.
Bucky gave him a half-smile in return. "Yeah, I... great."
A week after their return, a ball was held in their honor at the Triskelion.
"But I don't want a ball in my honor," Bucky protested, tugging at his uncomfortable formal wear while he waited for Steve.
"Well, good, because it's not technically for you so much as to celebrate Tony's safe return, and as a good-will gesture to thank the Asgardians for their help," Steve replied, adjusting his shirt in the mirror and then scowling at his reflection.
"If it's not in my honor, why do I have to go?" Bucky grumbled, staring longingly at the stool by Steve's mirror. He wanted to sit down, but both Coulson and Hill had already yelled at him for wrinkling his clothes.
Steve gave him a tired look. "Because you're still being honored, and it would be rude not to go," he said, working his jaw. "Also, I have to go, and if I have to be miserable, so do you."
Bucky crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, turning away so he wouldn't be glaring at his reflection in the mirror. "Yeah, but you won't be miserable. You'll have Tony there to keep you company," Bucky said, and, huh, that sounded far more bitter than he intended.
Steve looked up at him in surprise, face flickering with something Bucky couldn't identify. "Yeah, I guess he will," he mumbled, but he didn't sound happy about it.
Bucky frowned and uncrossed his arms, noticing how Steve's shoulders were now bunched up under the ridiculous cape he was wearing.
Bucky opened his mouth to ask him about it, but then Coulson walked in.
"Okay, we're ready to - oh, for the love of Shield, what you have two done to your clothes?!"
The ball was every bit as boring and miserable as Bucky - and Steve - had predicted.
Bucky spent most of it alternating between avoiding Tony (and by extension, Steve, who was once again stuck to Tony's side), drinking anything and everything that was handed to him, and trying to blend in with the wall. He tried to engage some of his Asgardian friends, but Fandral was more interested in flirting with the high society ladies than talking to Bucky; Sif was absorbed in a frankly terrifying discussion on weapons concealment with Hill, Romanoff, and Peggy; Thor was trailing after a woman named Jane Foster, to whom Tony had introduced him; and Hogun, Volstagg, and Heimdall were nowhere to be found, which left him with -
"Goodness, you Avengers like to water down your liquor," Loki complained, walking over to stand beside Bucky.
"We don't all have the iron livers you Asgardians seem to posses," Bucky retorted, glaring into the glass of his own weak wine.
Loki sniffed. "Still, if you're not even going to try to get drunk at one of these parties, why bother?" he sighed, swishing the contents of his cup around.
Bucky sighed as well, and downed the rest of his glass. "Why are you talking to me, Loki? You don't even like me."
"Well, that's not entirely true," Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "I like you just fine when you're not talking."
Bucky turned to face him fully, and crossed his arms.
"You looked lonely," Loki replied, straight-faced.
When Bucky only gave him an unimpressed look, he shrugged. "You're the only person I know here who isn't talking to someone else," he admitted grumpily.
"You could always talk to Tony."
Loki wrinkled his nose.
"He's been with Lord Steven all evening. Which is why, I'm assuming, you're not talking to him, either."
Bucky didn't say anything - which was answer enough - so Loki toasted him with his cup. Then he looked across the ballroom and sighed, shaking his head slightly.
"You must admit, they do look good together, don't they?" Loki said grudgingly, tilting his cup towards Tony and Steve.
Bucky started to look away, mouth twisting, only to stop and follow Loki's gaze, brow furrowing.
Because they really… didn't. Tony had looked unhappy all evening, and now, standing at Steve's arm while they spoke with Lord Richards, he looked absolutely miserable. Steve, too, looked tired and worn, and kept glancing around the ballroom as though looking for something.
They were standing next to each other, but they weren't standing together, and, somehow, seeing it now, in a room full of people they were supposed to one day rule over…
As if sensing eyes on him, Tony glanced their way, then did a double-take when he spotted Bucky.
Stomach swooping, Bucky lifted his chin, and slowly, deliberately, met his eyes
The smile that spread across Tony's face was the first real smile Bucky had seen from him all evening. It was also the sweetest, brightest thing Bucky had ever seen in his entire life.
Feeling breathless, Bucky tried to return it, and held Tony's gaze until someone stepped in front of Tony and blocked him from view.
Still breathless, Bucky leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes - and made a decision.
He had to tell Steve.
He couldn't keep doing this - to himself, to Tony, or to Steve - and if they weren't happy together anyway…
Bucky opened his eyes, and caught Tony looking at him again, opening longing in his expression.
Steve would understand. He had to.
Later that night - once the ball was over, and Bucky was sure Steve had returned to his chambers - Bucky went down to talk to Steve.
A part of him thought he should have asked Tony first, or at least told him what he was doing, but Bucky knew if he had, then Tony probably would have insisted he come, too. And Bucky wanted to talk to Steve by himself - in part because he thought it might sound better coming from him, but mostly because he didn't want Tony there in case Steve actually did get angry.
Steve's door was cracked when Bucky got there, so Bucky started to let himself in, only to pause when he heard Steve's voice.
"- really glad. I was worried, after everything, that you…"
Bucky hesitated. He didn't know who Steve was talking to, but his tone was warm and intimate, and it didn't sound like something Bucky should interrupt.
"Of course I'm okay, Steve. Not everything is your fault."
Bucky frowned. Because that, that was Tony's voice, sounding almost as soft as Steve's, which was puzzling in and of itself.
Moving carefully, Bucky peaked through the crack of the door -
And felt his heart shatter into pieces.
Tony and Steve were standing in the middle of Steve's sitting room. Bucky couldn't see Tony's face, but Tony's hand was on Steve's cheek, and Steve was looking down between them, where his hand was holding Tony's jasper pendant. As Bucky watched, Steve bent down until his head was resting on Tony's shoulder, and pulled Tony into a tight hug, which Tony returned.
"Thank you, Tony," Steve mumbled, voice muffled by Tony's shoulder. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, for giving me this chance -"
Bucky couldn't listen anymore.
He backed away from the door, heart pounding and eyes stinging, and ran his hands over his face, as if he could wipe away the sight, or maybe the tears he was determined weren't going to fall.
What had he been thinking? Tony and Steve were getting married, whether Bucky was in love with Tony or not. Tony had said as much, and one smile, one heated look, didn't change that. Steve and Tony weren't in love with each other, but they still loved each other, and he, Bucky, he...
He never should have come down here. He should have known better. He should have -
He heard footsteps on the other side of the door and gasped, then covered his mouth and took off before either Tony or Steve could see him.
If Tony saw him, he would know, and if Steve saw him, well.
Bucky didn't want to explain why his eyes looked as though he'd been crying.
Fury peered up at Bucky from behind his desk, eyebrow raised in disbelief.
"You literally just got back, Barnes. And you want to go out on another mission? Now?"
Bucky squared his jaw. "No, sir," he said, leaning over Fury's desk. "I want to go on this mission."
"Back to the desert," Fury clarified, tapping the scroll that sat between them on the desk. "To round up what's left of the Ten Rings."
Bucky nodded sharply. "You said Steve and Lady Stark couldn't find all of them," he said lowly. "I was with them for weeks, and I know their language; if anyone can find them, I can."
"And it's important that you do this right now?"
"The sooner, the better. I want these bastards caught, before they hurt anyone else." Bucky raised his chin. "Do I have leave, or not?"
Fury regarded him carefully, steepling his hands in front of him. "Fine," he said eventually, though he was still watching Bucky with suspicion. "You have my permission."
Bucky let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, and nodded stiffly in thanks, the tension in his shoulders relaxing a tiny fraction.
"You know, this might take awhile," Fury remarked as Bucky turned to leave. "If you go now, you're going to miss the wedding."
Bucky paused in the doorway, knuckles turning white where his hand gripped the doorknob.
"Good," he said softly, without turning around. Then he ripped open the door and stomped out, before Fury could comment on the crack in his voice.
