"I can't believe this nonsense. Witches? Brian winning at something? Where did you come up with this stuff? I'll tell you a good story. It's called "Wayne wins the football bowl". Cut to a football stadium. Stan makes a touchdown and dances.
Football player comes by and talks to him. "Mr. Smith, I thought that old folks were useless, but you taught me and my gloating friends a lesson."
Then beautiful woman start arriving in a gigantic trophy. "Here is your football winning trophy, Mr. Smith…"
"Thanks, beautiful woman. But I couldn't have done it without my sidekick, Footbot."
"Thank you for building me, Daddy!" A robot with a head and feet said. Wayne and football players laugh as fireworks go off. Cut back to the present. Everyone started booing.
"What? That story was great! I even threw in a talking robot for the kids."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna tell a non-terrible story. A story called "Trooth Ache!"
Cut to Saul, Claudette and Wayne walking. "So, let me get this straight. Your plan is to teach a bear to ride a bicycle?" Saul said as he was walking with Wayne and Claudette to his car.
"No. Come on, everyone's seen a bicycle-riding bear. No, no. I'm gonna teach this bear... to drive!"
Cut to Wayne's car driving crazily on the road. The bear is driving, Stan is in the passenger seat, and Dipper and Mabel are in the back seat. "And the yellow light means speed up." Wayne told the bear.
They hear cops' siren noise. "Uh oh." They stop and the officers look in the car. "What seems to be the problem, officers?" The bear roars.
"There better be a darn good explanation for this."
Wayne then thought quick on his feet. "Oh, there is. You see, I'm a very old man. Not long for this Earth. And the doctors assigned me a seeing eye bear to drive me to the hospital in case of an emergency."
"Is that right? Then, where is your doctor's note?"
"Why, it's right here, inside my jacket." He starts to write a note inside his lab coat quickly. "There you go."
He gives them the note, which says "Wayne is sick and needs a bear. -Dr. Medicine".
"Well, I can't argue with Dr. Medicine."
"To the hospital, honeypants!" Bear roars and drives away. We cut to Wayne in his TARDIS and Claudette talking to him.
"How could you lie to those policemen? Don't you know lying is always wrong?
"When you get to be my age, you'll learn that you sometimes have to bend the truth for the greater good." He starts to eat spaghetti while Saul comes in.
"Hey, have any of you seen my plate of spaghetti?" He hides the spaghetti behind him while turning around to Saul.
"No... But I bet Brian has. You know how he likes to eat."
"This is a dark day. Thanks." He then runs off
"See? Greater good."
We then cut to Claudette looking at him in annoyance. She then looks to her right and sees the book that Aaron had left. She then takes it without Wayne noticing. She then goes to a page. Maybe something in here can help with his lying.
"Buried 'neath a trees stump in the deep forest are the truth teeth, which forces upon the wearer the inability to lie." She reads. She then hatches a plan. Cut to Wayne sleeping at night. Claudette tip-toes in and puts truth teeth in his mouth.
Claudette slaps him in the face to wake him up. "What? What's going on? Huh? Claudette?"
"Quick question. What happened to Saul's spaghetti plate?"
"I ate it because I have little to no concern about other people's possessions or emotions." He then realizes what he just said. "That was strangely candid. Almost as if I am unable to lie. Well, good night"
Cut to that morning. "You what? That seems like a horrible idea!"
"It's great! Now he has to tell the truth. Don't worry, Saul. The truth is always a good thing." Cut to Wayne in the TARDIS doing his taxes.
Saul comes in and looks at one of the papers, which has "I HAVE COMMITTED TAX FRAUD" on it.
"Uh, why did you write this?"
"Because I regularly commit massive tax fraud. Also I don't wash my hands after going to the bathroom."
"You might wanna... tuck that one away there." He then shreds the paper. Cut to later. We hear him yelling to the two teens, who are in the TARDIS.
"Kids, I think I have a growth forming on my back. Just wanted to be honest with you guys."
"I can't take it anymore, Claudette! We need to take those teeth out of his mouth." The doorbell rings. The two run downstairs, where Wayne is standing in the doorway with the officers we met before.
"So, after further investigation, it turns out that there is no Dr. Medicine in Mercy Falls. You better have a darn good explanation for this."
"Oh and I do. You see, I lied to you. In addition, I've been parking in handicapped spaces, shoplifting fireworks, and smuggling endangered animals across multiple state lines. Also, you're fat."
The officer looks dumbfounded and drops his coffee. "Is all of this true?"
The two teens run down and Saul speaks up. "No! No, it's not true. Right, Claudette?"
"Uh, sirs, I have to be completely and totally honest with you. Our Wayne is...is...he is... secretly a crime fiction writer!" Claudette made up a lie.
"Yeah. He was just telling you about a character in his upcoming page turner, Crime Doctor! He's never committed a crime in his life. Also, have you lost weight?" Saul said as he tried to lie with her.
"Finally! Someone noticed." They started to push the two out and they start to close the door and sigh.
"I can't believe I lied." Claudette said.
"It was for the greater good." Saul tried to console her. We then hear someone on the phone. We see it's Wayne.
"Hello? Police station? I forgot to tell him about my tax fraud. No, tax fraud."
The two then tackle him. "What's gotten into you kids?" Claudette pulls out the teeth.
"We have to find a place to get rid of these!" Cut to Claudette throwing out the box into the bottomless pit at the beginning of the episode.
