Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy, so usual disclaimers.
RPOV
We walked back towards the gym when we arrived he went and got some mats said me to sit with him. We sat down in silence, neither of us said anything. I could feel myself starting to lose any patience I had.
"So, did you bring me down here to sit in silence or to bore me to death?" I asked sarcastically.
"No I brought you down here so you could learn self control and get you calmed down. When you are on guard you have to have a clear and calm mind. There are many ways to control anger. One which I know you are familiar with is working out your aggression physically. Sometimes that is not going to be possible. Meditation is a non-physical way to deal with stress," he told me which just made me irritated as it brought back memories of Dimitri and I.
"Bloody 'Zen lessons,'" I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" he asked, I looked up surprised that he heard me.
"Err. Nothing," I said quickly. Damn it.
"I'll ask again," he said. "What was that Rose?"
"I said, 'Bloody Zen lessons,'" I snapped, shouting louder than I would have before. My voice rung cold in my ears.
"Rose, what is going on with you?" he sounded concerned. Great another person to the list.
"Nothing it doesn't matter," I mumbled getting up to leave. But I was pulled back and I fell down back on the mat. "What the hell?" I snapped. He had my waist in a gentle but strong grip.
"What is wrong?" he asked again.
"Nothing so let me go," I shouted trying to get loose.
"Don't lie to me Rose tell me," he spoke softly.
"You won't understand, so get the hell off me." I thrashed and I was slipping away from him when he suddenly I couldn't move "Hey!" I exclaimed when I realized he had pinned me. The memory of being pinned in this very spot by Dimitri burned in my mind and my heart. My frantic emotions made me sloppy, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't free myself.
"You're not moving until you tell me," he told me. So I stopped moving and just lay there. I closed my eyes waiting, praying he would give up and let me go. "Rose," he said I ignored him and stayed still. "ROSE." Ouch that was loud.
"What the hell? I can hear you. You do realize that?" I snapped at him.
"Then why ignore me?" he asked confused.
"So maybe you'll get bored and let me go," I replied sarcastically.
"Nope, I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong?" he told me and then sighed when I shook my head. "If we are going to be training together now, guarding Princess Vasilisa, then any issues that you have either with me or any students or teachers would be nice to know so it won't affect our training and maybe our lives later on."
I felt a tear run down my cheek. That's when all of my walls broke down and me with it. Looking up I didn't see the guardian who was holding me. I saw images of Dimitri over the months. How he slowly gained my trust and my love. How he made me feel so precious to him so he could have his way with me. It was really hard seeing how Dimitri pushed me away after. I started sobbing and mumbling things I didn't care who heard me. I felt Guardian Skyle wrap his arms round me and stroke my hair. He crooned softly to me, his words were familiar even though I couldn't understand them. Dimitri used to whisper them to me as I cried in his arms over Mason's death. Hearing them now from Guardian Skyle brought both pain and comfort.
"Ne plach, Roza. Vsio budet horosho. Shh, ne plach," he murmured to me. I stopped crying after a few minutes but I didn't want to let go of him just yet. After another few minutes I looked up trying to get hold of myself.
"Sorry," I croaked out embarrassed.
"No it's okay," he told me still rubbing my back. "Um Rose who where you talking about?" he asked softly. I couldn't bring myself to say his name. Instead I buried my face into his chest. "Rose who is He?" We didn't move and I was aware that I was on his lap still, but I didn't have the energy to move, so I pulled myself closer to him and closed my eyes feeling drained.
I woke up, I didn't know why but I felt like there was someone in the room with me. In the past He would have been the one sitting at my bedside. Now He would be the last one I would expect to see. I opened my eyes but closed them again. Who the fuck left the light on, and where am I?
I sighed and opened my eyes, I spotted someone in the corner of my room sitting in the spare chair. I sat up slowly and blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes, it was Guardian Skyle. What was he doing here?
I moved so my feet where dangling over the bed. I went to stand but then I felt an overwhelming urge to be sick. I sat back down but that only made it worse, so I ran across my room opened the door. As I ran down to the toilets I heard Guardian Skyle shout for me but I ignored him and pushed open the toilet doors and went to the nearest cubical and locked it. Only to throw up whatever I had eaten at breakfast that day. I heard a knock on the outside door.
"Rose, are you okay?" Guardian Skyle asked, I groaned.
After about a minute the door swung open and I could hear his footsteps coming closer to the cubical I was in. I leaned against my arm and tried taking deep breaths, hoping to feel better. Which did no good because soon as the air went up my nose I could smell toilet cleaner tab that was attached to the rim, which caused me to throw up again.
"Rose, are you okay?" the voice repeated.
"No," I choked out.
"Rose I need you to open this door, so I can come in," Guardian Skyle said. I sighed and went to move, which caused me to feel sick again. I breathed in through my mouth but I still felt sick. I reached up and unlocked the door and I leaned up against the side of the cubical.
"Rose, what's wrong?" Guardian Skyle asked.
"I feel like shit!" I snapped as if it wasn't obvious enough.
"Come on I'll take you down to the clinic," he said.
"No just help me up, take me to my room." I said politely. Well sort of, more like commanded.
"Alright, come on." He bent down and I wrapped my arms around his neck he placed his arms under my legs and around my back then lifted me up. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder. Hoping I wouldn't be sick on him. I felt his walking swaying me bit making me feel sick again, so I concentrated on my breathing trying to make the sick feeling pass.
We got to my dorm room door Guardian Skyle opened it walked in and he laid me on my bed. I closed my eyes hoping I'd get back to a dreamless sleep.
I was dreaming about happier times, before the car crash that changed everything. I was having a lunch picnic with Lissa and her family. There was nothing significant happening but for the moment I felt happiness and peace. Then the dream changed and I was standing in a garden I knew all too well.
"Adrian come out I know you're here," I shouted into empty space.
"Alright alright no need to shout," a voice said behind me echoed. I spun round and saw Adrian standing there.
"So what's up with you interrupting my dream?" I asked annoyed. I wanted to get back to the quiet peace of that dream.
"Oh, you know I wanted to pay my Little Dhampir a visit, and see how she is doing." Adrian replied, walking towards me.
"Huh, well you know I'm okay. Can I go?" I said and he snickered.
"Nope," he said popping the 'p'.
"Why?" I asked.
"Well I wanted to know how you are, you know with him leaving," I knew who all too well who 'him' was.
"Adrian..." I started but once again I came undone and I cried. Adrian pulled me towards him and I let him comfort me. He stroked my hair in a soothing gesture.
"Adrian I ... don't know what ... to do without him." I sobbed into his chest. "I thought he loved me. What have I done wrong for him to leave me?" I asked him.
"You didn't do anything wrong Rose! He left because he's an idiot, who doesn't deserve you!" Adrian told me sternly. "Rose, can I ask you something?" Adrian asked slowly, which piped my interest.
"Sure, I suppose," I sniffed.
"You and Belikov, how serious were you?" he asked. Why would he want to know that? Adrian knows that there has never anything more than friendship and a little fitting between us. He is also the only one who has always known how I feel about Dimitri.
"Why?" I asked.
"I just want to know, to see if my theory is correct," he went on.
"What theory?" I asked.
"Err," he stiffened. "How about you answer my question and then I'll answer yours," he told me. I thought I could almost see some of spirit's craziness in his eyes.
"Um, okay." I hesitated, I don't think I should answer, this can't be good.
"The answer?" Adrian encouraged.
"Er, promise you won't get mad?" I asked. I mean I care about Adrian, a lot, but it would kill me if anything happened to him.
"I promise Rose," and he raised his left hand and left three finger's up. "Scouts honour," he smirked and I rolled my eyes.
"We were ..." Adrian stiffened beside me. "What's wrong?" I asked, thinking he knew already.
"You had sex, didn't you?" he asked, but I could tell he was angry. So I just nodded against him. He pushed me away I looked up at him and his face was showing so many emotions; pain, anger, sadness and betrayal.
"Adrian, you promised, you wouldn't!" I yelled at him.
"And you betrayed me!" he yelled right back.
"How did I betray you? You knew I loved Dimitri!" I yelled back. "You're supposed to be my friend."
"Oh yes. Your cradle robbing mentor. If he loved you so much, then why isn't Dimitri here?" he sneered. I looked at him, wondering if the Spirit was affecting him. But it still hurt, and it didn't stop me from reacting.
"Adrian," I choked up before the sobbing started. I walked backwards, wanting to get myself out of here. I don't know how but I pulled myself out of the dream waking myself up. Adrian was right. If Dimitri did love me, he wouldn't have left me. I was just a play thing. He was just like a Moroi, didn't give a crap about anyone, using them and leaving.
My body was shaking, I could feel someone wrapping their arms around me but I couldn't care less who it was. I was alone, everyone who I trusted left me somehow; my mother, Mason, Dimtri, Lissa's family, Adrian. All of them left me somehow or for some reason. Even Lissa is more wrapped up in her relationship with Christian and the future they will share then she is worried about me. Yes she worried and she cares but she doesn't understand what Dimitri had meant to me. She believes that I would get over him and will move on, that my grief will soon be forgotten and I will find my fulfilment in life as her Guardian as we had always planned. I know I will never recover, I don't see why I keep playing games here, I'm not wanted, I can easily tell.
My body and mind felt like it wanted to go back into a deep slumber, just to be at rest. Let everyone carry on with their lives, without me. There was a darkness filling my mind, I wanted to let myself go; to give in. So I did. I closed my eyes, intentionally or not, but they shut. I let my mind be covered by the shadows.
Author's Note:
So Rose has let the spirit shadows in and given up and Adrian knows what has happened with Rose and Dimitri. Uh oh.
Also here is a good song to listen to with this chapter:
Rob Thomas - Pieces
Give me feedback either on here or look for me on Facebook. If you have any questions I'll try to answer them best as I can.
Vickie-Louise
Also thank you to,Iggyzist for pointing out the mistake with the Russian, translator can only get you so far.
