Nothing seemed real. He knew, logically, it was. And it would be fine. Bo's anxiety was mounting though, as was his own. He largely didn't get that anxious anymore, but rare times like this, he did.
He was derealizing and anxious. He was about to start his new job. He had worked there previously. He would be picking, most likely, and had to do so quickly, last time, he hadn't done so well. It was a daunting prospect, but he tried to believe he would be fine.
His name badge even said Tai, he was pleased with that as no employer had ever done such a thing before, especially not one he had worked for previously.
Even so, despite the good he could find in the situation, the anxiety wasn't diminishing. He tried to calm himself, but to no avail. He hated to think about it, but he wondered if he couldn't get anxiety meds, just as needed type, rather than his daily anti-depressant. He really didn't want to credit his being any sort of 'better' to medications, but the anti-depressants were definitely helping. Daily, he pretty much felt fine, it made things easier. He was actively trying to change his thoughts, it took practice and obviously wasn't always easy. Obviously, some days, nothing could shake the darkness that descended. He was having more good days though, and he had to remind himself that that was something.
A mix of himself and Bo worried over his new job. The first official day of work was tomorrow. It was going to be a long day, as would most days he worked. He was looking forward to his checks, but not the work. If he was packing, it wouldn't be nearly as bad, still long and aching, but easier. His hatred of people was seeping through, his anger rising. He was becoming overwhelmed, he could feel it. The next day was going to be terrible, no doubt. He tried to squash that feeling though, it wasn't good to think that way.
The last few days though..., had been pretty great. He and his girlfriend had spent lots of time together. They wouldn't be able to see each other until the weekend and as things stood, she didn't have those days off. If he could stay awake, he'd be able to see her on her lunch during the week though.
In honesty, he could hardly believe he had such an amazing woman in his life. She cared immensely about him, respected everything about him and was always understanding. She was so different from everyone he'd been with before. She even understood his asexuality and all of it's strangeness.
He was cupioflux, on both scales of asexuality and aromanticism. He wanted both types of relationship, sexual and romantic, but the desire would fluctuate. Either he was extremely sexual or completely put-off by the notion. He wasn't romantic though, but he did go through periods of time when he wanted companionship and other times when he wanted to be alone all the time. He explained that to her and she was completely fine with it.
He couldn't help but grin, that had actually caused problems in previous relationships. Most women equated a desire for sex with them as their being attractive or his finding them attractive. That wasn't the case though, but most refused to see it that way. She was awesome.
They talked about moving in together, if only because she needed a roommate and he needed out of his current residence. They were looking into places, but it was a slow process.
He had some doubts about moving in with her, wondering if it was too early. And since he needed a lot of alone time, he worried about getting it. He also worried about what would happen with bills once the job he just got ended. He was good at saving money though, so..., theoretically it should be fine.
He realized he had become somewhat dependent upon her. It worried him slightly, he had never wanted the company of another so frequently. Bo usually did, obviously, but he actually didn't mind. Even if she didn't really enjoy what he was talking excitedly about, she still smiled and liked listening to him talk about it.
He tried not to think of the future. It was anxiety inducing. The new job. What would happen when the job ended. Getting a new place. Starting college probably the following fall.
He wanted new tattoos, probably next summer.
It was all pretty daunting. Depression sat just behind him, threatening to overwhelm him, but it was held back if only barely.
Some things just exist...
