A/N: Hey guys, thanks for reading, following and favoring this story. Your reviews rock so keep them coming. I love hearing what you think of my twisted version of Lost Girl. Sorry for the long time between updates was working on collaborations (somewhataddicted on the last chapter of Somebody That I Used to Know and LostGirlz with our story of Don't You Remember. Check them out if you haven't). I know many of you are watching Season 4 and it's causing Doccubus heartache. And the angst in my stories is killing you but hey at least I can promise a happy Doccubus ending. More angst for now but when they get together it will be so worth it. To the FF writer Sydney563, look more commas lol. Chaos continues…enjoy and review.
Lauren stood rooted to the ground as Trick's words continued to echo through her mind. How could she continue to lie knowing the impending doom that they were facing? With Bo now hurt by what she saw the pothien knew it was time. Her confessions would have to continue. She would be sentenced to death. The blonde was prepared for that. Maybe Lochlan would make a deal, allow her to be killed after the battle so she could help Bo be the champion they needed. But she couldn't confess yet. Not till she got her revenge on Evony. "Trick is Bo at the Dal," purposely side stepping his questioning.
Trick watched as his granddaughter grabbed another bottle of his good booze. The Blood King was no fool he knew that the pothien just brushed him off. He would let it go only because he knew Lauren would be heading over there. Once she was in his pub he wasn't going to let this go any longer. The past three months he watched helplessly as his granddaughter unraveled. He wasn't going to watch that anymore. "She is here physically. What happened," it never hurt to try again.
The pothien dodged it yet again, "Don't let her leave I am on my way." She hung up the phone only to face the inquisitive looks from the two other fae Lauren was with. "Bo is at the Dal. I have to go there and try to make this better," Lauren went to leave but the strong arm held her back. Not liking to be over powered by anyone she turned quickly meeting Dyson's eye. Her pupils dilated.
Kenzi ran over, "Whoa easy there Sarah Connor." When Lauren returned her eyes to normal Kenzi let out her breath slowly, "And here I thought the liquor would kill me."
"Sorry," the pothien mumbled out the apology. "What did you want Dyson?" Lauren knew he wasn't happy with her even if he wasn't saying anything. She knew the shifter for many centuries, he was good at hiding his emotions on his face, but his eyes always betrayed him. Like they were now. He was giving her that look of disbelief, shock and even a tinge of disappointment.
Dyson kept his gaze on Lauren. He was still trying to process the information that was just thrown at him. He knew this pothien for so long and never would guess that she would betray the light. Her reasons were justifiable and that helped him swallow this hard information. A double agent so high up in the light fae. Right under all their noses, his nose. Not only was he a wolf but a detective. And he would have never suspected the mysterious pothien of treachery. But there it was, right from her mouth. There were things that made him not scream the way his wolf was telling him to. The Garuda was a huge part of it, and Lochlan was right, the only one who could make Bo their champion was Lauren. Understanding her reasons of why she did it. The last thing that made him accept it was recently discovering he chose Kenzi to be his mate. And he hasn't told her yet. With that he knew if he was in Lauren's shoes he would have betrayed them all for her. Straightening up after snapping out of her almost compulsion he answered, "I was going to say let us go with you."
"I involved you too much already," she went to push open his apartment door but hesitated there for a second. "When I am done I want to know what you discovered Dyson." It would be nice before she died if she could remember what it was like to love that strong. To love that powerful. Part of the reason it was so easy to not believe it was because it sounded unbelievable. No one has a love like that. The door opened fully as Lauren glanced up seeing Dyson's hand on the door.
"I said we are going with you," Dyson smiled down at her. They were in this together now. All that mattered was getting Bo back to where she needed to be mentally. Not just for the Garuda but for his mate. Kenzi was falling apart trying to keep Bo together. Dyson for the first time in his entire fae life felt helpless. That is when he realized it. Why humans meant so much to the pothien. She fell for Nadia, a strong fae like Lauren with a human. It almost seemed comical but now it was like the film had been lifted from his eyes. The strength humans showed with no powers or abilities was incredible. Right now he felt human, no powers, no strengths, and no answers. Where he felt weak and destroyed humans rose.
Kenzi appeared next to Dyson. The tall shifter practically covered the tiny Goth beside him. "Wait you two standing around for an invite." She clapped her hands together walking past the two fae and out the door. Lifting her arms above her head and pointing towards the elevator, "Mission Impossible: Bo Protocal on it's way," she hit the button waving the two over.
Lauren felt the corner of her lips twitch up to a grin. "You are lucky you have her Dyson." She loved Kenzi now. The time they spent together Lauren got to know her. She understood why the shifter would fall for a human, especially this one in particular. It took a human like Kenzi to put a fae like Dyson in his place. And she sure did over and over again. Hell, she put all of them in their place. A small, tiny, petite human not afraid of a succubus, a pothien, a shifter, a siren or the Blood King. Lauren shook her head thinking of the times the Goth has yelled at them all. Opening their eyes to things that were right in front of their faces. This is why Lauren found humans to be Fae equals, if not superior.
Dyson was standing behind Lauren to her right staring down at his mate. Without taking his eyes off of Kenzi he spoke to Lauren in a gentle tone, "You had this to Lauren. I always hoped I would look at Kenzi the way you looked at Bo and her to you. The love was so powerful everyone in the room felt it. Bo needs to be the one to defeat the Garuda but you are the missing piece of her." The shifter didn't have much information and what he did have wasn't the greatest. But it was something, a start, which was more then what they had in the past three months. They headed towards the elevator together as Kenzi was holding it open giving them an irritated glare. "You feel nothing towards Bo yet you are doing this. Can I ask why?"
Lauren walked into the elevator as Kenzi hit the button. She stayed silent debating the answer in her head. Trying to put it in the best words she could, "It's one thing to fall in love Dyson. It's another to feel someone else fall in love with you, and to feel a responsibility towards that love." That was the best way she could respond to his question. To feel nothing towards someone that you can see so clearly feels so much towards you. All she felt was responsible to do something about that missing love. To be anything that she could be. She couldn't even be Bo's friend because her lack of feeling and emotion towards her was an empty void. How can you be friends with someone if you don't care about anything that happens to them personally? Yet Lauren knew she was responsible for this pain, this heart ache. She wanted so badly to find an answer to the question, she knew going in would have none. She continued research for Kenzi at this point. So the Goth wouldn't think she gave up. The truth was she gave up before she started. Why waste your time on something she knew the answer to.
They piled into Lauren's car driving there with a silence looming in the vehicle. No one knew what to say to the pothien's comment in the elevator. For Kenzi it tore her heart apart a little. She wanted to find deeper meaning in those words. A meaning she knew wasn't there. Lauren's words kept repeating through Kenzi's head wishing that she could make it mean something more to the pothien. Anything other than to feel just a responsibility. That was what Bo was to Lauren now just a responsibility. Kenzi knew there was no emotion there. In the three months that was so obvious everyone could see it even if no one said it. But to hear what Lauren thought was almost as painful as a kick to the gut. The Goth never wanted to admit this, not even to herself, but she was starting to accept that it was truly over for the two. That Bo would continue this downward spiral till she was lost completely. Who would Bo be then, just a lost girl?
Lauren was thinking trying to figure out what to say to calm Bo down. She should have just told her about Kimber but the thing was she didn't want to lose their chances at the Garuda. And she had been with Kimber for over a month now. They weren't exclusive, Lauren always liked to keep everyone at arm's length. Of course, because of the whole Evony dirty little secret she had going on but there was more to it than just that. After Nadia she decided never to put too much feeling into relationships again. The heart ache wasn't worth it to her. She was one of the most powerful fae types that existed and feeling weak was not something she was used to. Lauren didn't love Nadia but she was close to it. And look where it got her. At that point in time is when she made the decision never to put herself in this position again. That's another reason she found it so unrealistic when Bo was claiming they had this epic kind of love. But she knew she did, not just by what she did to herself but that picture. The look Lauren was giving Bo was forever etched in her mind. Unfortunately it was just that a memory of a photograph, nothing more. No feelings, no emotion and no love.
Dyson wasn't trying to give too much thought to any of it. He felt bad for Lauren and Bo. The shifter wasn't sure who it was worse on. Was it worse to be Bo, to see the love of your life all the time knowing there was nothing she felt towards you? Nothing you could do to change it. To gaze upon that person remembering things that you can never reminisce about with. Or to be Lauren, to know that a love you didn't think was possible did exist. That the happiness you never thought you would find you actually did find. A love that puts every romantic movie to shame and then see that person and feel none of what you should. To stare blankly at Bo with not caring but to hear all these things knowing it must have been that strong. It was too much for the wolf to think about. He wasn't a mushy kind of guy but even this was heart-rending to the wolf.
When they pulled into the Dal's parking lot everyone got out of the car walking towards the pub. Each one still lost in their own thoughts. Lauren was the first to enter, seeing Trick behind the bar she went towards him, "Where is she?"
Trick raised an eyebrow at the pothien he knew so long. "In my chambers." Watching as she went to towards his door he marched over stepping in her path, "When you are done talking to her we need to have a talk my old friend," he was letting her know the answers he sought he would get before she left the Dal.
The pothien gave the weakest smile she could force. After all how can one smile at all knowing the betrayal they have done and the price for that betrayal? It now cost the fae doctor everything. She went inside Trick's chambers seeing Bo sitting on the couch. Such a sadness in her eyes. A hurt that Lauren couldn't even begin to understand. She had a bottle of whiskey in front of her. Half of it was already gone. Bo didn't bother looking up when Lauren entered. Instead she stayed rooted to where she was. Leaning forward with her arms on her legs, head down. The only time she bothered to lift her head at all was when her arm reached out to grab the bottle, knowing exactly where it was, and tilting her head back to drink straight from it before placing it back down.
The blonde sat next to her, "Bo will you let me talk?" She was trying to be understanding at what the succubus had to be feeling but it was so hard when gazing upon her did nothing. All Lauren wanted to do was compel her to be the frigging champion they needed and be done with this. But that wasn't the way.
"Can't stop you," she muttered out keeping her head down.
"I am not with anyone." Lauren started but was quickly cut off by Bo's snort of a laugh.
Now the succubus turned on the couch to face her ex-lover. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you would lie to me. I mean after all you did lie to your entire clan. You looked happy Lauren. No, you didn't look at her the way you used to look at me. But that's the key words here, USED TO, past tense. The shittest part of all this was despite what I knew, I couldn't help but feel that no matter how hard it was not being together, nothing was worse than us being apart. That's why I was willing to take whatever part of you I could have. Any part of you, something that belonged to just me, but I get it now. Nothing of you will be completely mine except your emptiness. That belongs solely to me. The empty hallowed out space in your heart is special reserved for me." Bo spoke slowly as the words created a pain that she didn't care to mask. The hurt was evident from each sentence. Bo knew there was almost no point in telling Lauren this because it wasn't like it was going to make her feel sorry for Bo. Or bad for her. Lauren would never feel anything towards her and Bo finally made peace with that. It didn't make it hurt any less nor did it make the words any less true.
The pothien remained quiet even after Bo stopped talking. She was trying to think of something to say. Lauren wasn't a fool she knew that Bo's words should hurt her. They should bother her but now they both knew the truth that Lauren was trying to make Bo understand. No matter what the pothien knew she should think or feel, would never be what she did. In all honesty she was happy with Kimber and maybe not the way she was with Bo but did that matter? Did it matter when it was no longer a possibility?
"I remember her," Bo said as she drank from the bottle. Her words soft and low, the sadness in her voice was sharp like a knife. "The night I left with the Fury and her husband. You left with that fae. The pinup fae," she smiled at the joke she once made many months ago. At that time it was supposed to be funny but now the joke was on her. The hurt and heart attack was on her. "What's her name? She is beautiful Lauren. How long have you been together?"
Lauren glanced over at Bo. There was so much pain in her eyes. The usual brightness that beamed from Bo was gone. It was a dimming candle now. The glow long since faded. It almost seemed like the succubus she knew died and this was the shell that was leftover. A mere image of her former self. "Bo, don't," Lauren didn't feel towards the succubus but there was no reason to be unnecessarily cruel.
"I need to hear it Lauren," Bo needed to let go, her heart wasn't letting her. She was hoping if Lauren would go into detail maybe her heart would break entirely and then it would allow her to let go. If your heart is shattered then it is no longer breaking.
"Kimber, her name is Kimber, and I have been dating her for a little over a month. I like her but I don't love her," Lauren answered truthfully.
The succubus finished the bottle. Rising up slowly as she went around her grandfather's chamber opening up a box from his recent inventory. She stared around the box finally picking up a bottle but she stayed where she was not heading back to the sofa. Bo didn't want to sit near Lauren. To be so close to someone yet so far away it was as if they were on different planets. There was only a second of relief knowing she didn't love Kimber but dissipated quickly. Bo realized although Lauren didn't love her now didn't mean she couldn't or wouldn't. And then would she still try to find a way to reverse the compulsion. "Why did you bother coming here Lauren? Not because you were worried about how hurt I was, so why?" Bo didn't glance in the pothien's direction. She didn't want to gaze over at her because she would break. Whatever was left that was holding the succubus together was made of glue. Glue wasn't secure and neither was she. Looking at the pothien would destroy what was left of her. Bo was trying her hardest to keep it together. To not fall apart to be the champion to save her friends and family even if it meant her own death.
Lauren wasn't sure why she did it but she got off the sofa and went over to the succubus grabbing the bottle from her hand and placing it on Trick's desk. Bo was propped up against it and Lauren was standing in front of her. "Look at me Bo," she wasn't sure why the succubus has yet to meet her eye but had theories on why. However being as smart as Lauren was she knew that wasn't going to cut it. The Garuda would use their weakness against each other and that meant using the pothien on Bo. If she couldn't meet her gaze now what would happen when the Garuda forced it? When Bo kept her head down Lauren placed her hand under her chin forcing her face up. There was emptiness inside those eyes. A hurt that she couldn't even put into words. Sadness, pain and confliction flickering through those once bright brown eyes. Lauren remembered the woman she first examined on that table. So full of life, who was this new person? "Because I need you. I do. I need you to save us all. I wish I remembered us Bo but if you help keep us alive I promise I will always search for an answer?" That was all Lauren could say to her. It was the only thing left she had to offer.
The brunette pulled back taking her face out of the pothien's hands. Each touch was a soft sweet torture. Every kind word was a tease at the once loving things the blonde would say. When Lauren forced Bo to stare at her, the succubus for the first time saw the change in her aura. The one thing she never allowed herself to see because it made everything that much more real. And now it was. Lauren's aura burned differently towards Bo. It barely burned at all. Bo smiled inwardly because Lauren's aura reflected how she felt. "If I die you wouldn't shed a single tear. Not at losing an ex-lover, and not at losing a friend. Will you Lauren, will you shed a single tear if I die?" Bo knew the answer she felt her heart thudding deep inside her chest at the answer she knew was coming.
"Don't do this," Lauren pleaded not wanting to state the obvious answer. "Don't do this to yourself and don't do this to whatever it was that we had. I can't remember it but you can. Don't ruin what we had Bo by what I am now. If it was reverse I wouldn't. I would treasure what we had knowing it was no longer the real you. Just like I am not the real me anymore. I am an alternate version of myself. A changed programmed version. You had the real me and the real me would die with you. That is what is important," the pothien didn't know what else to say. All Lauren could do was try and think of how she would have felt if she still did remember. That picture constantly playing back in her mind to try and give her an idea of the powerful unconditional love she had to feel. She used that to channel emotions she could only assume she had.
Bo stepped to the side getting away from Lauren. It was not the answer she needed to hear. For three months Kenzi tried to get her to accept what was the new truth to her and Lauren. And for three months, she did all she could to hide from that truth. Everyone needed her to be the champion but how can she be the champion when she was lost. So now it was time to face the music of what she was running from. Now was the time to accept the heart wrenching honesty that was the truth of her broken relationship. There was no fixing it. There was nothing left to fight for with Lauren. She would never have a piece of Lauren that belonged completely to her. Knowing if she provoked the pothien, the fact that she felt nothing towards Bo would win and her honesty would pour out, Bo pushed on, "ANSWER IT!" The succubus let the words bounce of the walls of the chamber as she faced Lauren's back bracing herself for what was going to happen.
The pothien heard Bo scream out the words. She listened as they echoed throughout the room. She spun on her heels getting back into Bo's face. "NO, no Bo I won't feel anything. The thought of seeing you die in front of me does nothing. I feel nothing. Not a loss, not a heart ache, and not even the slightest tinge of a sadness. Your death would mean I can finally stop pretending that there is a way to fix this because there isn't. There is no way to fix my compulsion. I am one of the strongest fae type my ability is so powerful that the light and dark used me for it. And in all honesty now that it was done to me I can tell you that no I wouldn't care if you died. I would feel relieved." Lauren stopped herself. Now wishing she did bring Dyson and Kenzi in there. Someone that could have stopped her from doing what she just did. She felt nothing towards Bo but didn't want to be vicious towards her neither. But once the succubus pushed her she let go. Let go of everything she felt since finding out the truth. That there was no hope.
Bo didn't move. She didn't move a muscle. "Thank you," she whispered out as the last bit of light vanished from her eyes. Gone was the care free fun loving succubus replaced by the same emptiness Lauren portrayed. Neither moved staring at each other both knowing that is was done. It was finally over. No more pretending, no more hiding and no more masking. The love Bo remembered was just that, now a memory while Lauren only had a portrait. All that they had boiled down to that, memories and a photo. Acceptance lingered in the air in the most painful way. Bo didn't move petrified if she took a step she would lose the resolve she was trying so hard to pretend she had.
The door to Trick's chambers opened as all three of them came in. Looking back and forth between the two. Lauren a few feet from Bo, both staring at each other as if they didn't hear anyone come in the room, and neither one showed any emotion on their faces. Trick had no idea what was going on but was becoming irritated that only he seemed to be surprised by what they were looking at. "Lauren are you going to tell me now what happened?"
The pothien heard the Blood King but she couldn't peel her eyes off of Bo. It finally happened. It finally sunk in with the succubus that what they had was now long gone. That it was impossible to get back. She was watching Bo intently making sure the succubus didn't collapse but Bo didn't. She stood there facing Lauren, broken but standing. Lauren now knew that Lochlan was right. In front of her was there true champion. After gazing into those burnt out eyes a few seconds longer Lauren broke her eyes away to talk to the Blood King. "Trick I am not who you think I am."
"She is better than you think she is," Dyson quickly added as he watched Kenzi walk over to Bo who was still standing there like a statue. The shifter went over to Lauren as he stood beside her. In that split second Dyson made a decision to stand by the pothien's side and defend her. Because nothing out there is a more powerful motivator than true love?
The Blood King kept glancing between the two, "Continue, please."
Lauren explained to Trick everything she told Dyson earlier that night leading straight up to her compulsion. The Blood King remained still throughout her explanation. When the pothien stopped talking she waited for his response. He glanced over at his granddaughter, who was now sitting thanks to Kenzi. He saw the light in her eyes vanished. "It's not for me to judge you Lauren but why not come to me earlier?"
The pothien had on a sad smile, "Because Nadia was human. Before your granddaughter Trick, before she brought around Kenzi, can you honestly tell me you felt the same way towards humans that you do now?"
Trick knew that was true. Well he didn't think torturing a human was necessary he didn't think much of them as a species at all. That was the unfortunate truth. "I understand your point but still the Ash, our Ash, betrayed you Lauren. You knew I was the Blood King I would have called in the Fae Elders."
Now Lauren chuckled, "And tell them what exactly that Vex and Evony helped me find out the truth about the Ash. How would they have handled that Trick? I would have been killed alongside the Ash. As I will now."
Bo finally spoke, "Then I will not be there champion. I will not fight the Garuda if they sentence you to death." Her face was hard and saddened at the same time. Enforcing her words while hiding the pain.
Trick knew his granddaughter meant it. After all when has Bo followed rules? "Then it stays between us."
"Is there a way to break a pothien's compulsion?" Bo asked her grandfather holding on to the last shred of hope she had remaining in her still beating heart.
The Blood King was dreading any of them asking this question. "No, not that I have ever heard of. A pothien's compulsion is a permanent part of the brain. Rewiring it to new memories clearing out all the old ones forever."
"That is not what the wolf spirit told me," Dyson spoke up as everyone in the room now turned towards him.
