A/N: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and also review this story. It means a lot to me to receive the feedback and I hope you enjoy!


Chapter 54


"How do you think it's going up there?" Rachel asked Tex as they sat at a picnic table outside in the sunshine, in a park area that was attached to the hospital with tea and coffee. She couldn't help but wonder how things were going with Larrin. She couldn't imagine being in her position. She knew it would be horrible, to not be able to trust her mind. She wished she could do something to help but she still needed help herself. It made her feel pretty useless to everyone.

"I think, the girl needs a break but I'm sure Wolf has unravelled any calm the Doc has put into her." Tex said to her before he took a sip of his coffee.

"Why do you say that?" Rachel asked with a frown.

"Think about, whatever the Doc or I didn't know, Wolf is going to tell. I doubt it will be easy learning she can't go home, there's contact from her family or a way to contact them. She's stuck and alone-"

"Wolf is here. She has friends-"

"He's Navy, there's the instinctual knowledge that he's going to leave her and we're all strangers to her. So right now, she's probably feeling overwhelmed and alone because she hasn't got anyone to anchor to." Tex said thoughtfully.

"I didn't think of that way." Rachel said as she understood what he was saying. She knew what it was like to feel alone and adrift in the world even when there was family around. But in Larrin's case she did have many people who would go above and beyond to support her. She just needed to know it was there and right now she was just grasping with what happened to her.

"What about yourself? How are you going?" Tex asked Rachel changing the topic but also because he sensed a dark change in Rachel's demeanour and knew when one got shot. It made them delve into places they didn't want to go, thoughts that were best left locked away.

"I'm ok." Rachel assured him.

"I think that is bullsh-winkle." Tex said covering the curse word as a three year old girl ran past them with a balloon; laughing in delight as she was having fun. They both smiled at Tex's near disaster of cursing in front of a child and the envy that the child had no concept of the world around her. All she knew was running with a balloon a sunny day was fun. It made her one of the lucky ones as she would grow up people talking about the pandemic but no memory of it to be haunted with.

"Maybe but I think I'm just ready to settle down on my own. I'm definitely over being shot." Rachel said to him with a roll of her eyes as she wished she could heal herself with a snap of her fingers as she felt awful. The drugs took away the pain but it didn't deal with the emotional roller coaster she was currently riding. For most part she felt she was dealing with it well but there were moment where memories floated back, the fear and panic she felt when she's been a captive. It didn't help that she'd been held captive in a hospital and was now staying in a hospital to recover. Even with the differences, she just wasn't comfortable.

"Heard you might be moving in with Andrea." Tex said, Rachel gave a soft smile glad he didn't look disappointed by not taking his offer.

"Yes, her place sounds like a safe haven." Rachel said a sigh as she couldn't wait to go there. The hospital and staff were great but she wanted to recover in solitude and frankly a more home like atmosphere that the hospital didn't afford her. It was why she couldn't wait to leave. She just had one more day before the doctors kicked her out.

"It is a nice two bedroom bungalow on the river. Something I think would've been great for Kat and I but then there was Larrin and two clicked. I didn't want to pull them apart given Kat doesn't have a lot of friends here. Plus, I knew the boys would want to go off and find Miller's mom. It just seemed to work and I like that Kat has more than just me to support her. We all need family." Tex said with a shrug.

"You're a good father." Rachel told him.

"I'm working on it." Tex said as he rubbed the back of his neck embarrassed at the compliment as he didn't feel like he was deserving of compliments just yet but did like that Rachel held a high opinion of him. He was about say something more on the matter but stopped as he saw Tom coming across the grass towards them. "Hey Commodore, what brings you here?" Tex asked when Tom neared them.

"Just came to visit the sailors and check in on Dr Scott and Larrin." Tom said as he looked to them, he'd come from the command centre was dressed in his BDU's with Nathan James cap on to block the sunlight from his eyes. He had decided after hearing Larrin was awake to see how she was faring and to check in with Rachel. He wanted to gage how much damage he had to repair between them. So far, she just looked surprised to see him and Tex looked amused and somewhat resigned which was intriguing to him but he let it go.

"Well, since you're here. I might skedaddle; I promised Kat I'd take her shopping for school supplies." Tex said as he rose from his side of the table and left Rachel to Tom's care. "If you don't mind." he said to Rachel to make sure she didn't feel as though she was abandoned.

"No, go and thank you for the tea." Rachel told him.

"Anytime Doc." Tex said warmly, he gave Tom a nod and Rachel watched him walk away. There was something so entirely easy about being with Tex that made her wish that she was attracted to him as more than a friend.

"So how are you?" Tom asked breaking Rachel out of her thoughts. She straightened her back and gave small shrug.

"I'm ok, given the circumstances." Rachel told him, she didn't know why but it still hurt her to look at him. The pain and anger still fresh of how his choices and actions had turned into a nightmare. She knew he hadn't meant for any of it to happen but she didn't appreciate the high handed side of him that made him feel entitled to take over her life.

"I'm sorry." Tom said to her sincerely.

"For what?" Rachel asked, she knew it was being bitchy but she felt she was due more than a couple words no matter how sincere he sounded.

"Would you like a written list?" Tom asked her incredulously as most people took his apology as they were given.

"I'm just wondering if you mean it or if you're just saying it so you can use me later down the track." Rachel said honestly, Tom reared back at her words as she had been fairly blunt.

"I deserve that." Tom said, accepting he deserved her anger and bluntness for what happened. "But I am sorry for taking over your life and not asking you what you wanted. I'm sorry for removing your choices in the matter and then being an asshole about it after the fact." he added.

"Only after the fact?" Rachel asked, they both knew she was inferring that he was only apologizing for everything going pear-shaped. That if everything had gone smoothly and she was in witness protection safe then there wouldn't have been an apology. Which if he were honest then he wouldn't have apologized as he did what he felt to be the right course of action. Witness protection would have kept her safe and out of his life. He didn't want to admit it but Witness Protection also gave him an out for having to acknowledge how he felt for her.

"Geez, you don't make this easy." Tom told her with a wry smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. It had been a long time since anyone put him in his place like Rachel was right now.

"Why should I? You never have been easy with me." Rachel pointed out.

"Good point, so can we just start anew here and put the past behind us." Tom suggested hopefully. Rachel looked at him for the longest moment wondering if it was really worth her time being angry at him. She was still hurt but frankly she just felt resigned to always being on the opposite of everything with Tom.

"Yes, we can as this is bloody exhausting." Rachel said, deciding to make peace and be settled. If she carried her anger with her then she'd never be able to move forward and it was just exhausting. Tom gave a closed lip smile and gave nod.

"May I escort you back to your room?" Tom asked her.

"In a moment, I just want to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine for a little longer." Rachel told him.


"So, I'll be here for a few more days until the wound on my arm has healed sufficiently for me to have a cast put on. Then I'll be released." Larrin told him, they'd lapsed into silence when Wolf didn't have any answers that she liked. As far as she could tell her whole life and goals were decimated either by her own actions or the Pandemic. She and Wolf were family but she knew he was going to abandon her to keep on with the US Navy. It was clear they had adopted him from what he'd told her.

They couldn't get home, she'd ended up in the hospital because the US government had decided to abandon her and other displaced citizens to wilds. She couldn't help but feel depressed and incredibly isolated at what she knew. Her future just felt so incredibly bleak to her, what made it worse was that she just felt slammed with all the information. She was no longer a PhD student, she was stuck in America, it was basically post apocalypse and she'd survived a serial killer, killed a few people herself, survived on her own and oh yeah; there was no way of getting home. No way of knowing if the rest of her family was alive. The not knowing pained her the most because if they weren't alive, she didn't know where she would go. She might be an adult but she was used to a strong support system behind her.

"Don't worry, I'll be out of your room by then and I'll wash the sheets." Wolf said pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Thanks. I appreciate that." Larrin said wryly as bed sheets were the least of her problems.

"It's going to be ok." Wolf told her, seeing that Larrin was getting stuck in her head and focusing only on the bleakness of the situation than the positives. It was what he'd been trying to avoid by not telling her the truth about everything. Or at least keeping the flow of information slow and easily digestible.

"Yeah, ah listen. I'm going to get some sleep. So you can go." Larrin said as she rubbed her face with her hand wanting to be alone.

"I only got here an hour ago." Wolf said with a frown.

"I know but I'm bushed. Do you mind that we pick this up later?" Larrin asked him.

"Ok, I'll be by later this afternoon." he told her, he didn't want to leave but he knew Larrin wanted to be alone to digest everything he'd told her and what Doc had told her. He just wished she would let him stay and help her through it all. So he did as she asked and rose from his seat and left the room.

Once Wolf was gone, Larrin carefully sank down on the bed. Her head was swimming, she felt overwhelmed, washed out and nauseous from it all. She had quit her PhD and travelled to America. She'd ended up a victim of violence not once but twice to a man she could barely remember. It all felt like a bad joke and all she wanted was to see her mother and have her comfort her. But she wasn't here, she was possibly dead back in Australia. The only person Larrin believed could possibly say the right things to her was half a world away with no way of contacting her.


Kat blew out a breath as she needed to get out of the house. She loved everyone but months of isolation on a farm with just Court and her Mom made it hard for her to get used to being around people again. That and she was exhausted of tearing and put together a house. Sure, she had her runs with Halsey but she just needed to relax. It made her think of Larrin as she made things fun and they also would just crash on the lounge and just chat where Ms Miller was goal orientated and just wanted to get things done. She never really stopped moving as there was always something to be done.

"I'm home." Tex called out, Kat raced down the stairs and smiled as her Dad closed the door behind him.

"Great, how was Larrin and Dr Scott?" she asked him, she really wanted to visit Larrin but was afraid she wouldn't be remember and just be seen as stranger or an annoying teenager.

"Good, Larrin woke up." Tex told her.

"Really? Did she forget everything?" Kat asked him, it was a moment of truth to whether she still had a friend in Larrin. Part of their friendship was based on their shared experiences during the Pandemic. They understood what it was like to be on the mainland and how crazy it got. Something Ms Miller understood too but Kat didn't feel as free opening up to her as she did Larrin.

"No, her memories a little like swiss cheese but she's going to be ok. We just need to give her a couple days to get her head straight." Tex said, his smile was reassuring and comforting Kat.

"Ok." she said with a nod deciding it was best to stay positive than assume the worst.

"So you got that list of things you need?" Tex asked her.

"I lied," Kat confessed, Tex frowned not sure what to make of it. "I got everything I can before they give us a list at school. But I just said I needed more stuff because I need to get away and I thought we could go somewhere just us and hang out?" she asked with a hopeful tone. Tex pursed his lips as if giving it thought which made her worry that he might be pissed at her for lying but then he smiled and jutted a thumb towards the door.

"Ok, let's go grab some street food and maybe a walk along the river?" he offered.


"Hello," Rachel said as she came back into the room. She felt like she should announce her and Tom's presence. It was probably a good thing as she could see Larrin had been crying and felt her heart strings pull at the young woman's pain as she empathised completely. She knew what it was like to wake up completely disorientated by how much her world had changed.

"Hi," Larrin said, she cleared her throat and pushed up in bed before she wiped her face. She gave them a weak smile before looking incredibly subdue.

"Miss Taylor, it's good to see you awake. I'm Commander Tom Chandler." Tom said to her, he helped Rachel to her bed, not abandoning her.

"I assume I'm supposed to know you?" Larrin said, Tom could see she had no recollection of who he was and wondered if he should be relieved or disappointed. But he chose the former not because it got him off the hook for what he did in making her trade herself for Rachel.

"It's refreshing to not be recognised." Tom said to her with a kind smile.

"Hmm, I'll take your word for it." Larrin replied, he could see she was struggling with her memory loss and grieving. He knew because he recognised that same expression in the mirror every morning when he shaved. It was mix of resignation, pain and depression.

"Larrin, I know you've suffered memory loss but I need you know that I'm deeply sorry for my part in it. I should've kept you out of it, but I was compromised and not thinking clearly. If there is anything I can do, you need only ask." Tom told her, he pulled out an old business of his, he pulled the pen from the chart and used it to jot down his mobile number as cell towers were working again. He held it out to Larrin.

"Ok, thank you." Larrin said taking the card with her uninjured hand and looked at it. She didn't seem to know what to make of it.

"What you did was brave and showed real strength, but what happened to you wasn't fair." Tom told her sincerely.

"I'm told you killed him." Larrin said referring to Julian. She stared at the card in a defunct manner.

"I did." Tom told her.

"Well, I'd say we're square." Larrin replied in a pragmatic manner, she went to hand back the card not wanting to indebted to someone or have someone indebted to her. But Tom held out a hand in a 'stop' gesture.

"Keep it." Tom told her.

"Ok," Larrin said not sure what she was going to do with his card or what possible use it could be.

"Well, I'll let you both get your rest. Take care." Tom said as he made a quick exit leaving them.

"He's not used to apologizing." Rachel said to Larrin.

"I don't know why people keep apologizing, it's as if they think it will help but it doesn't." Larrin said as she placed Tom's card on the bedside table and looked to Rachel, she idolized this woman and now through a series of ugly events they were roommates. At least until she was discharged.

"I know how you feel in that respect, you know I remember meeting you at a ball. It was a few hours before I was shot." Rachel told her, she felt maybe if she shared her experiences with Larrin then it would help Larrin gain perspective and help her not feel so alone.

"I wish I could remember, I bet I embarrassed myself." Larrin said a light blush gracing her cheeks as she could only wonder how much of a fan girl she had acted around Rachel. But Rachel just smiled warmly which was reassuring.

"No, you were fine. A little over excited but you made a good impression. I even offered you a job I was so impressed with you. Your knowledge and education is a rare commodity." Rachel said.

"I doubt it is now given my memory loss." Larrin said as she had felt a zing of excitement knowing she had gotten a job offer from Rachel. Sure Paleomicrobiology wasn't the field of science that she was interested in but to work with Rachel, a woman of her caliber and intelligence would be amazing not to mention look amazing on her resume.

"Doc, lost all of her memory but she retains her education and training. I think it will be the same for you as those types of information are stored differently in the brain as you know." Rachel told her.

"Yeah, I know. It's just how reliable can I be if I can only remember patches of what's happened the past few months?" Larrin asked her.

"My job offer still stands if you're interested though the duties have changed somewhat. I know you need time to recover and find your family. I need time to recover myself but I'm going to staying here in St Louis and opening a lab to continue my research and I'll need an assistant. If you're interested, we can discuss it further." Rachel told her.

"Seriously?" Larrin asked as she wasn't sure what to say. No, that wasn't true. She wanted to say 'Yes' but there was a lot of things holding her back and Rachel seemed to sense it.

"Yes, I know you were looking into bio-engineering but you also wanted to get your medical license. It's just something to think on but now you and even I should just focus on resting and getting out of here." Rachel told her with a kind smile.

"Sounds like a plan but what are you researching?" Larrin asked her out of curiosity.

"The virus and my work on the vaccine and cure. I didn't have much of a chance to really look into it in a more in depth manner. I'd like to know that there aren't any lingering side effects or long term effects I haven't foreseen." Rachel offered, it was the hard part about her work. The time for reflection and while she knew it was safe and had cured thousands. It didn't mean it was perfect, there was always a side effect, some hidden bad to balance out the good.