Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love
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The letter from Mattie was a pleasant surprise. Jean hadn't had many of those in recent weeks, and so she lingered at the kitchen table, rereading the letter from her friend that asked if she could come home. Home. Jean loved that Mattie still thought of their house as her home, though she'd been in London over a year.
Of course they would love to have her back, but Jean felt a stab of guilt that she had not written to Mattie for several months. She just hadn't known how to tell her about the baby. Would Mattie be shocked? Almost certainly, Jean felt.
And there still seemed no prospect of them being married before the baby was born. The divorce was progressing, but very slowly, and in the meantime Jean's world was shrinking.
As it became harder and harder to hide her pregnancy, Jean noticed the glances people gave her in town, and the whispering that went on behind her back. Even the patients seemed to watch her more closely, not quite sure if their suspicions were correct.
And so, these days, Charlie or Lucien picked up the groceries for her in town, and she seemed to find excuses not to greet the patients at the door. She spent her time keeping the practice accounts up to date, sitting in Lucien's office rather than at her desk in the waiting room.
Blake didn't mind answering the door himself, but he did worry about the reasons why. He understood Jean's reasons of course, and he sympathised.
Being pregnant with your employer's illegitimate baby was bound to be awkward, at the very least, even socially unacceptable, but he couldn't change that. His frustration with his lawyer and the slowness of the divorce court grew daily.
So he was slightly surprised when Jean came into the surgery just as he was seeing out the morning's last patient. Normally she would have waited for him to come and find her. The patient stared frankly at Jean, who for once didn't notice the curious looks.
"Lucien, Mattie is coming back to Ballarat! She is asking if she can move back in with us." Jean's smile, so rare these days, lit up the room. She moved around the desk and perched on the edge of it, showing him the letter. When he had finished reading it, she kissed him on the forehead, out of sheer delight. If this was the effect Mattie's letter had on her, the sooner she moved back home the better.
"Of course she can, Jean, if that won't be too much extra work for you." Jean waved away the thought of a little extra housework. Mattie always helped her out anyway.
Jean wrote her letter back that afternoon and sent Charlie out to get it posted airmail. With a bit of luck it would arrive before Mattie's ship sailed.
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Mattie climbed out of the taxi and took a long look at the house she had missed so much, though she admitted to herself it was the people who lived there that she missed most. Lucien and Jean had been like parents to her, but parents who didn't judge her for her decisions, even if they disagreed with her about them. And she had missed Charlie too.
Lucien opened the door to her and his face lit up with excitement to see her. "Mattie! It's so good to see you. Come in, come in." He hugged her as she stood there, still holding her luggage, then took her cases from her and followed her along the hallway. "You're in your old room, but I'll take the cases up later. Come into the kitchen, and I'll make some tea."
Mattie hesitated. Lucien never made tea. She looked into the kitchen, then the living room.
"Where's Jean?" Mattie was only curious as yet.
"She's having a nap, Mattie. She'll come through soon, I'm sure." Lucien seemed to think this was normal, but since when had Jean ever slept in the daytime?
"Lucien, is she ill?" Mattie was worried now, but before Lucien could reply she heard footsteps behind her.
"No, I'm not ill, Mattie," Jean said, a little sadly. She was searching Mattie's face for her reaction.
Mattie's mouth fell open. There was no mistaking what she saw. "Jean, you're..."
"Pregnant." Jean finished the sentence for her. "Yes, seven months pregnant. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't know how."
Mattie turned to Lucien, who looked pleased with himself. "Congratulations," Mattie said, but her voice held a question. Lucien looked happy about it, but Jean plainly wasn't. And this was a lot to take in. Mattie had to admit she was surprised Jean had slept with Lucien before they were married. Anyway, it was obviously too late to worry about that now.
Lucien poured out the tea and they all sat at the kitchen table, chatting about Mattie's journey. It all felt rather stilted. At last Lucien got up and took Mattie's cases upstairs, leaving the women alone. This was Mattie's opportunity.
"Are you alright, Jean?" she asked. "You seem unhappy about the baby." She touched Jean's arm in the hope she would meet her eye.
Eventually Jean looked up. "I'm not unhappy about having a baby, now I've got used to the idea, although I still think we're getting too old for this, but really the problem is that we can't get married, Mattie, and there seems no prospect of the divorce being finalised before the baby comes. I don't want anyone calling my child a..." She didn't finish the sentence, unable to bring herself to say the word.
Mattie grimaced. There would be plenty of people in Ballarat only too happy to judge Jean for having a baby outside marriage. "I know, I know," she said soothingly. "But babies are good news Jean. In a few weeks we'll be celebrating this little one's birth. That's more important than whether you and Lucien are married."
Jean shook her head slowly. "I want that to be true, Mattie, but some people are very cruel." A tear had started to run down one of Jean's cheeks, but she still kept her composure.
"It's 1961, Jean. People don't worry so much about that anymore. As this baby grows up there will be lots of children around him, or her, whose parents aren't married. It won't be so unusual." She passed Jean a clean handkerchief and poured them both some more tea.
"What else is bothering you?" she asked. Jean laughed, but without much humour.
"My feet hurt, my back aches, and I can't sleep at night for this one kicking me."
"So, nothing unusual then." Mattie attempted a joke. "But you do need to rest more, and let Lucien, Charlie and me do the work."
"I'm still the housekeeper, Mattie. It's my job to look after you all, that's what Lucien pays me for." This sounded crazy to Mattie, but she had to concede it was an unusual situation.
"You may be his housekeeper, but you're the mother of his baby too, so I don't think Lucien will mind at all, but you need to talk to him."
Mattie realised nothing much had really changed. These two still weren't talking to each other enough.
"Just think, though, Jean," Mattie continued, suddenly grinning and excited. "A baby like Lucien! Can you imagine?" That raised a smile from Jean at least.
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Over the next few days Mattie tried to help Jean as much as she could. Until she found a new job she had plenty of time on her hands, so she persuaded Jean to let her help with the housework, and she also started dealing with the patients and doing at least some of Jean's work as receptionist.
She also had words with Lucien. Mattie quickly found he was at least as worried about Jean as she was. So they soon had a new routine in the house for tackling the work and taking the pressure off Jean, and that also involved getting Charlie to do some of the cooking. All that went well, and before long Lucien had asked Mattie to take on the job of receptionist for a few months at least, which suited everyone.
But Lucien was also worried about Jean never going out, and he soon raised it with Mattie. She looked shocked - Jean was usually a sociable person, but according to Lucien she hardly ever went to the sewing circle anymore, and Charlie did most of the shopping. She was hiding herself away, ashamed of what people might say to her.
One day when there were few patients and Mattie and Jean were not really needed, Mattie suggested they went to get the groceries. Jean started to make an excuse, but Mattie was having none of it.
"I think you should come too, Jean. You know better than I do what to buy. And afterwards we can go and buy you some clothes, I don't think you can possibly let this dress out any more." She indicated Jean's summer dress, now straining at the seams.
As Jean went to object, Mattie continued. "I'm coming with you so no one will say anything they shouldn't." Jean gave in at that, knowing when she was beaten.
Half an hour later they were in a dress shop, looking for something that would fit Jean. Mattie plainly had very different ideas about what was suitable, and before long they were both laughing at their rather strange choices. After much trying-on and a good-natured argument, they found two dresses that pleased them both.
As Jean paid, she realised that for a few minutes she had forgotten to be unhappy, and she had even started to feel a little optimistic. She knew that was down to Mattie. Somehow her company seemed to shelter Jean from the worst of the worry and guilt she felt.
On the drive home she thanked her for making her come out. "I needed that," she said. "I needed the clothes, of course, but your company too." Mattie was pleased to hear the first signs of her friend's optimism coming back.
